Coping Through Loss, Grief, and Cancer While Starting a Side Hustle with Monica Monfre

Welcome back to the She's Crafted to Thrive podcast. I'm excited that you are here, and I want to step into this episode first and foremost, one, to give you a couple of things to keep in mind while you're listening. Our guest is Monica Monfry, who is an Instagram strategist. She's also a cancer survivor, and I am so honored to have her on the show. We are talking about really raw things, so there may be some triggering emotions on what it's like to live with chronic illness, cancer, experiencing the loss of those that we love who may have passed away because of other chronic illnesses like cancer. And what I am just honored to have is Monica on the show to share her rawness, not only just about her business, but also about her diagnosis, her loss and grief of her sister. There are so many things in this episode. I can't even tell you while I was listening to this episode again, before airing it, I just felt like a range of emotions. And I feel like this conversation is so needed in this time now that we're 18 and almost 2 years out of when the pandemic came. And a lot of the feelings and experiences that Monica has gone through, that many of us have gone through, are things that we've all experienced in some way, shape, or form, especially under the trying circumstances of the pandemic. However, what I love about this conversation is that Monica shares her rawness but her realness on how she coped through this time, how she built a business, and how she continues to give herself honor and grace going through life, dealing with these different challenges that continue to come up for her.

And she's amazing. She's super sweet.

Um, please keep in mind she is in New York and Brooklyn and she has a a dog. And so there's going to be some sirens in the background because every time I have a guest on the show from New York, there is always sirens going on. Um, so we did our best with the audio fixing, but you don't want to miss this conversation for sure. There are some quotes in here that I think you're gonna love, and one of my favorite is, "If something is not working, let it go." So if you want more gems like this, stay tuned. You're listening to the She's Crafted to Thrive podcast, and this is your host Nikita Williams Williams. On this show, we're talking about what it's like to start, grow, and scale a business while living with chronic illness. You will hear from other creatives and CEOs as they share their stories and the lessons that led them to learn to lean more into what works for them. You'll discover that success does not mean perfection. And fear, negative thoughts, and challenges are all a part of the journey, but there's always an abundance of wins. So stay tuned and you'll find the inspiration and tools you need to craft a life and business that thrives.

Hey there, beautiful!

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All righty, I'm so excited to have Monica on the show. Welcome, welcome, welcome.

Please tell us who you are, what you do, where you're from, and something fun and interesting.

Thanks, Nikita Williams, for having me. Well, my name is Monica Montfrey Scantlebury. I am a business coach, business strategist, Instagram strategist, all the things for women who are side hustlers. And I say that because I am a side hustler myself. I teach high school full-time here in Brooklyn, New York. And then on the side, or maybe like at the same time, I am helping my clients create high-ticket programs and offers using instructional design and then really showing up on social media to sell them out. So I love me some Instagram. Some Clubhouse, maybe a little bit of LinkedIn and TikTok and Facebook, all the things. And I've been teaching for 15 years. So I really like to tell people that this came, you know, before I was doing this as my side hustle, I was actually teaching yoga part-time. So I have like all the different side hustles there, but here I've been in Brooklyn now for 10 years. Yeah, it's a 10-year anniversary of moving back to New York. This is my third time here. And meeting my husband a few months after I moved here. And I'm so excited that And Just Like That is starting, which is like the sequel to Sex and the City, because I always say that I moved to Sex and the City. I saw the movie, the first movie, you know, when Jennifer— why am I blanking on the last name— but Louise, she moves to New York to find love. And that's why I moved to New York from D.C. And I met my husband and we just got married in August. So it took us only 9 and a half years.

Well, congratulations on getting married and all of the awesomeness. You are like, so you have your hands like in all of the things. Like, I love that. That is kind of like, it seems like that kind of works for you. Like, like being in all those little, not little, those are big things. So like, I'm like, they're big. How do you like manage all of that?

That's such a great question. And I actually don't know. I think, um, I definitely am Type A, definitely am a 3 in the Enneagram. I like to do things well, super like, it's all those high achieving. And I say those because I actually think they are not the greatest words. Like I used to be like so excited by getting A's as a teacher. Like I ruined a, I ruined a Christmas holiday when I was in like 7th or 8th grade by getting an A- once. Um, So I think it's part of it has just been like a go-getter in me, but also I, what I really started to realize, I just turned 44 this year and I have some other health things going on, which I'm sure we're going to talk about, but I've also started to realize that I don't have to be like a 4 teacher on the rubric. I don't have to be the A+ because my good enough is probably somebody else's 4. And so what I've started to realize is what's the thing that like allows me to keep moving forward and to keep showing up. And then how can I repurpose it? So part of what I've realized, and I'm, this is my like whole, I'm doing a workshop for my clients and for TikTok for 2022. And my whole thing is going to be stop creating new content, stop creating more Instagram posts. And let me rephrase that. Keep creating Instagram posts, but you don't need to create new content. Go back to your content. Nobody read, nobody cares. Nobody remembers what you posted about 6 months ago. So how am I like, my new way of doing this is just like recycle. If fashion has a 20-year cycle, our Instagram posts can have a 90-day cycle.

Oh my goodness. For real. Oh yes. This is something I totally agree with. This is so— yeah, that alone is its own podcast episode. Yeah, 100%. Nobody sees all that stuff. And if they do, they forgot about it like 2 minutes later. It's not even—

I learned that as a teacher. My students don't remember what we did like yesterday. And also, I don't know if you were in the Facebook world the last couple of days, but people were giving a lot of heat to like Bed Bath and Beyond, you know, because not Bed Bath and Beyond, Bath and Body Works, right? Because they like have been doing the same thing. And I actually was thinking about what that means for me. Like when you say, how can I do everything? It's that Bath and Body Works doesn't worry about like creating something new. Like they've been doing the same thing for 30 years. And one of the things I was thinking when I first started this was I kept on like, oh, I have to do something new. I have to have a new lesson plan for teaching. I have to have a new post. I have to have a new this and new that. But reality is like the major brands out there that are killing it and teachers who have been in the game for a long time, they're using the same thing over and over again. Like Air Jordans are the same as they were— when was Michael Jordan in the league? Like 27 years ago.

You're asking the wrong person that question.

But it's like, you know, people like— that's why people buy— like we buy shoes from a person because they always make them the same. We buy like you know your size in somebody's brand, they don't change. And so 2022 and moving forward is going to be the year where like I don't keep on trying to create something new, but rather getting really great at what I already do. And that's how I think you can be having my— like I can have my hands in more things because I'm not constantly like creating.

Yeah, I love that. I, I this year just had someone start repurposing. I was like, I have so much content, it's stupid. So I'm like, can you just please repurpose all of this stuff? And you— I don't even have to do anything. It's just like, hey, you can put in this post and this blog post or whatever, and I can read it and make sure it still feels like it aligns, you know, and I'll post it. Like, it's so much easier than feeling like that pressure to create, create, create. I don't think there's ever a— like, um, I don't think we run out of creativity, but I do think we get burnt out from trying to keep up with the quote-unquote Joneses of creativity.

Yeah, it's too much. I actually— not to get super meta but I just repurposed a post that was all about repurposing. I was really proud of myself. So I was just like, that is like meta at like the most meta. But I also think there's a lot of people out there who are like, well, you need to be putting out 3 pieces of content a day. And I get that. Like, that's great. Maybe that's what you need to do for the algorithm to find what hits, but you don't have to, you don't have to create 3 pieces of new content, just like put out the same content. And I've been starting to watch people's TikToks. I don't know if you, if you're a TikTok fan, but I'm seeing that people do the same TikTok like 4 times just to see which one goes viral. Yeah. They might like film it from a different angle or they might add like a person to it or, and that got me thinking like if that same TikTok is being put up 4 times, why am I trying so hard to like every single day have new pieces of content? That I don't have enough time and energy, and also I don't have enough capacity given like what's gone on in my year this year.

Yeah.

And I don't want to keep on like being on the hamster wheel. So that's 2022 for me, that's going to be my main like message inside of my business and inside of my teaching. I don't need to keep on creating new things. We can repurpose.

Yeah, I, I love that and honor that space so much because I feel like that's the way every— I, I don't like the word should, but I feel like That's the most authentic, sustainable, holistic way of running your life and your business is to find ways to really find that capacity to do the things that you care about more holistically and from a really good place. So I love that you shared that. So tell us what moved you to go from teaching to start a side hustle. Like, what started this journey?

Yeah, I mean, it's— there's like the immediate thing that really like kicked it into gear in March of 2020. But previous to that, um, I actually was a dance— so I've been teaching high school English for 13 out of my 15 years. After my dad passed away of cancer, I was teaching a very high-stress charter school here in Brooklyn, and my old school had a dance position open, and I have a minor in dance, and I was like That would be fun. Like, just imagine 2 years of like not having to write lesson plans and read a book. And so I was like, sure, let me like take a little bit of a step back. And while I was doing that, I decided I was going to do a yoga teacher training just to have another tool in my toolbox. I was never planning on teaching yoga. And I would actually say that that is what propelled me to kind of dive into the entrepreneurial space because after getting my yoga certification, I was like, oh, I think I could make some money doing this. So then I signed up for B-School with Marie Forleo and that like was my entry point into entrepreneurship. Did the whole, the whole health coaching thing with Institute for Integrative Nutrition, got a life coaching certification and was like, I am going to be a self-care coach for teachers. This is a brilliant idea, right? Like every teacher needs self-care. We're all clamoring for it. And yes, we all need it. We're all clamoring for it. None of us want to pay for it. That was like right before March of 2020. 2020. So it's kind of in this space. But why I say it all really started in March of 2020 is I was starting to talk about doing course creation a little bit because I was realizing that I wasn't a very good self-care coach because I wasn't actually practicing self-care.

There you go. There's something.

It was pretty obvious. And I was at an event here in New York City and I was showing somebody who's a— so she's a colleague, she's in her 50s, how to do something on Instagram. And it was the last weekend before we all kind of shut down for COVID. And she said, you should, you should teach 50-year-olds how to do Instagram. And I was like, that's a brilliant idea. And then I went home from that event and my cousin messaged me on Facebook and was like, have you talked to your sister? And the background story of this is my sister was 29 at the time and was in the hospital. She had stage 4 metastatic triple negative breast cancer. She was diagnosed at 27. And my cousin said, "Your sister doesn't look very good." And so called my mom and like all of a sudden it became very clear that my sister had called in her fiancé and like things were kind of changing. And so went home to the start of a pandemic to say goodbye to my sister and all of a sudden realized that this was going to be a tough grief, um, a tough time in like my life. To move through grief. Because here we all were grieving the loss of my sister as we all were sitting in national grief because we didn't have our life. And that's when I— what better way when you're stuck inside of a house trying to figure out how to teach at home, grieving the loss of a sister. And the layer to all of this is that I'm also Brocco One, like my sister was. So kind of moving through all of this, I decided, well, maybe I should do that workshop that I had talked about at least it'll give me something to do because I was pretty bored. And I know we're keeping it G-rated, but I definitely drank a lot of seltzer water that had alcohol in it. And I needed something to keep me occupied. And that's really how I sold out my workshop. And that propelled me to think about maybe this online business thing is something I could do and it would give me more meaning because One of the things I think we didn't talk about a lot during the last 18 months is like when people were losing people inside of that space, we couldn't move through the normal grief process.

So true. So true. Yeah.

You know, loss is always— and people say to me like, how did you, how did you start a business? Well, you lost your sister to breast cancer. And I said, what else were— what else was I going to do? Yeah, we couldn't go anywhere. I lived in New York City. We were in the, in the eye of the storm for the longest time. I couldn't work out, I couldn't go to yoga, I couldn't do anything. The only thing I could do was occupy myself. And so that's really how I dove into entrepreneurship. And it was easy, I would say, too. You're at home, you're online. I was already online staring at a black screen because none of my students were coming to class. So I do have to say I felt like I was cloning myself because there was times when I'd be on a Zoom call, like teaching, I would be on my phone on like a business call. I'd have like one headphone in to like, and this was when I had my AirPods, so I'd have like one string and I was like, I'm definitely in like two places at once. And my husband would be over here talking and my job was like, oh my gosh. Um, now I know why I was so tired. I was, I always used to say I was more exhausted than I'd ever been and I had never left my chair. Mm-hmm. But that's how I ended up here. And I, I will say it's been a transition. The last couple of months have been a different transition. Than we had in March of 2020.

I mean, let's like, first of all, like give space for this, this right now, because I mean, that's a lot. Like, that's a lot for any one person. And then on top of that, obviously the pandemic. So it's like, it's, it's a lot. I feel like I, I just feel you, right? Like, like my heart, I just feel like that's a whole lot of stuff to try to like get through and do. And like still like keep going. So like 100%, like so much like love and acknowledgement for, for that. Um, and just like doing the best that you can with the situation. I think that's all most of us really could do, um, in 2020 because we weren't expecting any of that. And then like for it to last so long, and here we are in 2021 going into 2022, like this is you know, kind of still the world that we live in. But what I want to ask you is like, what were some like pivotal things that helped you to like see that things for you now had to shift? Because I feel like we all have different moments in our life where we recognize, dude, life is, life is short, life is important. And the choices I'm making today have everything to do with what happens tomorrow. So like, what, what was that? Looking like for you during that, during that time and now?

Yeah. So I think the big thing after my sister was diagnosed, which was obviously like came out of left field, I did the genetic testing and found out like I was BRCA1 in December of 2018 maybe. And I just kind of had sat there because I think a lot of people can like look at me and think, oh, Monica doesn't feel a lot of things because my natural reaction, you know, there are people who feel and who like get into my natural reaction is how do we solve it? I'm a teacher. Like the reason why I'm good inside my classroom is I see a problem. I see a student has a need and I figure out how to solve it. And so I saw like, oh, how can I help my sister? How can I like get her money? How can I do this? How can I do this? And kind of put my own health off to the side. And when she, um, when she did pass away and my, obviously my doctor called me to like say, okay, like I know we can't really talk about this right now because we're in the middle of a pandemic, but also, like, you have to start thinking about it. Because I always like to say it kind of felt like Russian roulette, right? Like, every time I went in for a mammogram or an MRI, you're just like, yeah, you know, hoping. So it was really like, that was the thing that kind of like was the moment that changed. It was— I wouldn't say it was like not even my sister necessarily passing away, it was like the doctor saying like All right, we need to—

we need to help you fix you.

We need to— yeah, it was March, right? So we couldn't do anything. And then like, I think May and June started to be like, things are opening up a little bit. Like, we, you know, we can't keep on pushing it off for a while. You know, I— they'd give me a little bit of a pass of like, you're, you know, let your mom take care of your sister. But at some point you also my mom. I think, I think a huge part of it too was like watching my mom. My mom is not BRCA1 positive, so it probably came from my, my father. So like kind of just that whole space too of watching her, um, reminding me that I just need to get it together. So yeah, that was the, the catalyst. I will say this, old habits are hard to break though. So I feel like as much as I might have moved forward in some things, there are still things that I'm like sliding back into how it was prior to Yeah, taking care of myself. Yeah, you know, that's such a good thing to like, just—

I feel like everybody needs to hear that. I like think people think, especially I think the pandemic era is like everybody's like woke to life in general and it's like, yeah, okay, for now, but let's wait a couple of months and see what happens. Like, I think we, we feel this when life happens. We kind of, we know what we need to do and we have this awareness, but then old habits do, like they're there. They were there way longer than this new wokeness. Like, can we be real? Like, they were there way before this new theme. It just became woke for you. So I think we have to honor the space with that. But I also think it's a powerful thing to know that that's a thing, right? Like, to know that, okay, this is not going to be like this straight path to where I need to go. It's going to be all messy and ugly and beautiful and wonderful and all the things in between. But I know I'm just taking it a step at a time.

That resonates so much with me because I had, in February of 2020, when I had like a huge sales month in my, my business, I had a sold-out launch, 5 figures, $25K, like things were great. And then, but I had previously had COVID. I don't know how I caught it, but you know, I'd gone through these like low points, I'd gotten engaged, had this like great month, things were like feeling like, oh, everything is like gonna be better. And then I took care of one of my health needs and was diagnosed with a very early stage of fallopian tube cancer. And it was like, wait, man, everything can be going great. And then we hit it. And it's, you know, I still talk about having a six-figure business, but also we're sitting in early December and I really haven't done much inside of my business. I have clients and I'm making sales, but it's not like the Monica of February when she had a $25K launch. Didn't anticipate that, you know, 10 months later I'd be sitting there and not have duplicated that again because that's like what we think we're supposed to do. But also in those 10 months, I got married. I had a total hysterectomy to like save my life. I went back to teaching in person. I think we, you know, like we forget that, like whether it's healing emotionally, healing physically, whether it's like starting a business, it's not always just a straight path up the mountaintop. And in fact, sometimes we like fall down a few levels in order to like catapult up later.

Yeah, yeah, I, I, yeah, yeah, life is not, um, a straight line. It is definitely full of many, many ups and downs for sure. I mean, I, I shared this with, with my audience too, like I had, I had a new diagnosis that I've always thought I had, but just had it confirmed and the pain and dealing with that. And I had thought I had it all together. I was like, oh, I know how this works, girl.

No, I didn't.

Like, it's something new. It's just something new. And you try to find your new thing and you do have those what I call like emotional relapses into like my life. What is it? What's going on? Why isn't things happening like it used to so easy? And I think it's really— it's good to hear other women. I feel like empower you and affirm that, hey, it's not always going to look like it looked like yesterday or a month from now or a year from now. So I really appreciate you sharing that because I think we need to hear more women saying that, because I feel like in this space, and I don't know about you, we hear a lot of like everybody hitting consistent K, 50, 25, 6, 7K figure, whatever the figures are, month. And you're like, but what if you're not? Because life was just like, oh, you know? And I think that is something we need to have space for.

It's so important. And even like, I mean, I say I help women hit consistent months and I, you know, I say that even as like I didn't have hit consistent months. I think for me, what I've always tried to think about too is do I know how to do it? Like I know what I say works, that I also think it's important to, I tried to create a side hustle. A lot of people create a side hustle to have like extra income or to do this. And I think those are all valuable reasons to have a side hustle. What I love about, and what I like to say about my side hustles, I've created an opportunity that like I know how to make money when I need it. So like, it's almost more of a, I like to call it a lifestyle business. Like I can decide like, oh, I've had a $25K launch. So if I want to go out and make a whole bunch of money, I know how to do it. And if I only want to like, if I want to just have my membership that was bringing in a couple of hundred or a couple of thousand dollars a month, I can also do that. I get to have the choice. Our side hustles don't have to be huge and they don't have to be small and they can have up and down months. And I think that's another thing we don't often talk about is like this idea of a lifestyle business.

I love that. That needs to be on a billboard somewhere. I love that the choice and also the confidence, like I can, I can make money. Like that's just how— that's a given. Like that's what I feel like you just said. It's a given.

I can make it happen.

So when it's ready and I need it or want it or whatever, it's just going to come. Like, that's what I feel like you just said. Like, without my crazy accent to it. But anyway, what are some things that, like, inspire you?

Mm. Oh, that's so great. I love that question. So my husband's actually a professional dancer. He's probably going to hear this. He's, like, carrying our dog away because he's crying. But I've, like, watched how he's like, whether I agree or disagree, he's, like, so committed to his art. Like, that's the thing that he does.. And so I get inspired when I see people who are committed to their art or committed to their passion, or they can't be, um, taken away. Because that's something that I wish that I had more often, right? Like, I, I always talk about what my dreams are, but am I really work— like, working to go after them? So I'm super inspired when I see people who are committed to their art, their goals, their dreams. Um, so I think fortune does favor people who move inside of that commitment. I'm also super inspired by my students. I mean, this is so— whether they're my like adult students who pay me or they're my high school students who wish I was not teaching them all the time, um, but I find them— I find it really inspirational to look at other people who have moved through difficult times. And I work with— my students are— New York State, we call them overage and undercredited. So there are generally older students, 16, 17, 18, 19 years old, who have really struggled inside of the academic space. And so we are— I don't know how you feel about this show Colin in Black and White, but I'm teaching aspects of Colin in Black and White, and it's super inspirational to start to hear students who don't like to read, don't like to write, or that's what they say, to be having these conversations about something that is really hot inside of Netflix right now., but also to, to get them to be talking whether they agree or disagree with the, with the premise of the show. So I find that super inspirational. And I really like Peloton. I never did. I never did. I used to— I'm lucky enough to have been able to go to the Peloton studio here in New York, and I used to curse at them, but everything would hurt, right? And I hated that. I was like, I hate spinning. And now, um We moved into a building that has 2 Peloton bikes, and now I ride more, and I'm starting to realize, like, it's not just about the activity. Like, there's a couple of teachers on there that I find really inspirational. Those are like 3 things that keep me kind of moving forward.

Wow, I, I wasn't expecting the Peloton.

Me neither. Like, who would have thought? But you know what it is too, their app is so great. I always like to say this, I think you could just listen to Peloton and never work out and pick up so many moments of like influence and like inspiration to move forward. I like especially like to work out to Ally Love and Justin's, um, and sometimes I'm just like, man, I should just listen to this as a podcast when I'm driving to work because it's not always about like the workout. It's just really sometimes the messages that are delivered are really powerful.

So that's really cool. I've seen that like in stories, like people who are like, told— like, I can under— now you say that, now I get why it's like such a cult kind of thing. Like people who love Peloton are like, they are serious. Like, do not talk— it's like the Yankees versus the Mets. Like, you don't talk bad about them. You just don't. So I feel that. I feel that. Okay. So what are some fears that you are currently overcoming?

Yeah, uh, for me, a fear is that I am so ready to transition out of the classroom and full-time into my business, and I just have a fear that maybe I was a one-hit wonder. I grew up in the '90s, and you know, you, you remember the song like the Thong Song, all the ones that we used to dance to when we were in high school. I don't want to be the one-hit wonder, the one drop in the, in the bucket. Um, so that's definitely something that's on my mind is like, can you really step away and do this full time? And I think as someone who has a preexisting condition, but it's not a full-on— it's not inside of the Blue Book for disabilities, like, can I afford to do this without knowing, you know, what can happen to my body? Being BRCA1 definitely cut my risk by having a total hysterectomy. But every day, kind of this fear of Will— should I stay teaching so I have healthcare? Should I— can I do this full-time? Um, but then also the, the fear of like, if I stay, will I make myself sick? So a lot of the fears I have right now are really connected to my experience with cancer. But also, I have to say this about myself. I feel like I had these fears long before I ever knew I was BRCA1. I think a lot of it is the fear of like not, not making an impact, not changing the world, not living my full purpose. Is like a huge, huge fear. So I could say it's because I have this genetic mutation, but also I think I, you know, I've always kind of grappled with these, these big fears. And then the other fear that I have— this is like not so heavy because that's a heavy fear.

Um, it's a real fear though. That's like a real— that's real.

I have a fear. Well, I'm going to Puerto Rico for my honeymoon and I have a fear that my planes are going to be canceled. Like that my flights are gonna be canceled. I won't make it there because I'm only going for 5 days. And I know it's like such a, a silly fear, but when— I don't know if you remember a couple of weeks ago they were canceling like flights left and right, and I was like, man, that's my worst fear is that we're gonna like get to the airport—

nope, sorry.

Yeah, every time I get a notification says your flight has been changed, I kind of like have a little moment of like, oh my gosh, I just want to go lay on the beach in Puerto Rico. And do nothing for 5 days.

Oh, what if you— well, I was— I'm such a— I'm such a brain person when it comes to these things. I'm like, my first thought is like, well, what if it did happen? Wouldn't you just do something else?

Yeah, we would. I just— I would, um, I don't even know if we didn't get to go to Puerto Rico. I don't know what I'd want to do because we're here in New York City, um, and my husband travels a lot. He— when he's on tour for dancing. But I just cannot wait. I have— I'm a Scorpio. I miss the water. I am just so ready to be— I didn't get a lot of time to go on the water this summer for whatever reason. I didn't go to the beach. I don't know. And so this— it's not even so much about traveling. It's like, I just want to be on a beach in the sand. Yeah, I, I got you, girl.

Like, I'm a water person all day, every day. My husband loves looking at the sky and the stars at night, and he's all like inspired and motivated, and I'm like, oh, that's nice, when are we going to the beach? Like, that is me. Like, when are we going to the beach? I need the water, I need the ocean. Like, that's totally my thing. And so I, I, I'm with you on that. I feel you, I feel you. We've had like semi-trips made to go to the beach, and life has happened and it hasn't happened. We haven't been in over— we were in Florida, and right before the pandemic happened, and I was like, we, we moved at the wrong time. We should have stayed before, but then Florida was crazy too. So I'm like, maybe we're supposed to be in Georgia. I don't know. But, um, anyway, so I'm so glad you shared that with us. I know that the diagnosis and all of this is still really fresh, like how it affects your business and how it affects you. Are there some things that you have, like maybe now that you're aware of this situation with your health, are you implementing to help you run your business and life that you're like— I, besides Peloton, I would imagine that's really helpful to stress relief, keep you kind of active. Is there anything else or any advice you would give to women who are going through something similar?

Such a good question. I found community. So there's two communities that I really appreciate. The first is called the Breast Busties, which is a community of mostly younger women, but it focuses on pre-vivors, survivors, thrivers, and care-vivors. And they were so helpful when I was first diagnosed. And then also for The Breast of Us, which is an organization that was founded by women of color that focuses— that focuses on breast cancer inside of women of color. And so for me, community has been really powerful. I also think reading So I stopped reading, like, for so much. And so I've been trying to read more. And if you haven't read Jasmine Guillory, I have to tell you to read all of the Jasmine Guillory books. They're, like, so good. Um, and so I read all 5 of them in the last, like, couple of months, and they've just really let me kind of escape. I think one of the things that can happen is, like, even last night I was like, armchair doctoring, um, through Google. And so reading up about my diagnosis isn't like super helpful, but remembering that like I can read a book that like I can be transported and do that has been really powerful. And I'm trying to eat better. It's not going very well. I've got all the shakes over there to like to eat and drink and it's not going super well. Um, but trying to like eat a little healthier. Um, And by little, I mean a lot. But one of the things I think we— my husband likes to cook, so we were doing a lot of HelloFresh. And I think investing in something like that, even if it's more expensive, I've tried like all the different meal services. And the one, you know, that's one that has like felt a little bit easier. So we're like, I have privilege here in New York where I am that there's a grocery store across across the street, there's a bodega around the corner. Um, but it is still nice to have somebody bring you your food. So I would have to say that one of the things I'm allowing myself to do is to have food delivered, whether that is restaurant food or groceries. Um, it's been a space where it's like you can still feel like you're taking care of yourself. And I know that that might be a New York thing. So I'm thinking back to when I lived in Wisconsin, like you're not going to probably have like Uber Eats all the time come to you, but just taking out the time to make something easier. And that goes on with my business too. And I'm trying in 2022 to think about how to invest in a copywriter or someone. Like, I hate writing email, the worst thing in my experience.

Um, you know, y'all should have seen her face when she said it, almost like she wanted to vomit while she's saying like, I really hate doing those.

Like, I really do. And, but I forget that there are people who like love their whole business is copyright and they love writing an email. And so trying to invest more in doing, you know, I don't have to do all the things. And we— I sometimes think we— I get really nervous, and I think this is when we're dealing with, you know, diagnoses or anything, we don't want to spend the money. But I'd rather spend the money and having somebody write emails for me than me trying to like write an email that's not going to convert. Because at least if there's convert and I make a couple of sales, it will have paid for itself, and I can use that other time to go ride the Peloton or go eat the food, um, that I otherwise don't do, or at least watch my husband make the food that I'm gonna eat later.

I like that. I love that you said that because I'm all about finding ways to leverage your energy. And to me, that means not just like outsourcing and all that, but that also is like knowing your body, like where there are things that, hey, if I did make this easier, it could make this other thing like so much better for me that I need to do, that I love to do. So I love that you just shared that because I do think we all could use a little bit more of that. No matter what's going on in your life, I think we all need to spend more time doing things that we are good at and love and passionate about than sitting there stressing and bringing our pressure up doing the things that we absolutely hate.

So yeah, and it's so funny too because so I've recently I do. I've always loved Instagram, and I was actually like very much anti-Instagram Reels when they first came out because I like don't want to sing and dance, and I don't want people to like make fun of me, even though I feel like I'm a decent dancer. But since I have discovered like the, the voiceover, I am all about Instagram Reels. Plus I'm a little bit— so now I'm like, okay, if you like Instagram Reels, maybe I should give TikTok another try. But I don't want to do it just to do it, um, but I am finding that I think we sometimes can If we hear somebody else say, like, I respect you and you don't like Instagram Reels, so I shouldn't like it. But I would say that there's so many things out there that I want to try that are giving me a little bit of joy. So this morning I made an Instagram Reel in my classroom and it was fun, and I was like, it doesn't have to be perfect. And it was— took all of maybe 15 minutes and I did a little bit of editing on it. But that there are little moments of joy like that that can really enliven our, our lives.

Yeah, I love that. So if someone were wanting to start a side hustle and they're like in this mid-time frame of their life, they also have some health stuff going on, they're thinking, is this the time? What would be like some tools specifically around social media that you think they should hop on the boat to try now?

So we mentioned it when we were just like catching up earlier, and Clubhouse is like the place. If I, if I think about how to repurpose, to go back to what I was saying, Clubhouse is the place that I would be at because what I would be doing right now if I was starting my business, I'd be hosting a Clubhouse room. I would be putting it up because Clubhouse now has replays. So I would be hosting my room in Clubhouse, turning the replay on, running my Otter transcription or whatever transcription service in the background, potentially having my Zoom on. So I'm getting a recording like of me doing this. And all of a sudden I would have a whole bunch of content. In fact, that's what I've been really looking at lately is, is really thinking about when I do a piece of content, how to repurpose it. So what has helped me stay like super centered is whenever I go live, I usually have a transcription running. Whenever I'm talking, I have it running, even if I don't even look at it right now, because someday I'm going to hire a VA. To just look at all of my transcripts and turn them into blog posts, turn them into content. And I know that it can be really hard when we have so many things like happening. And I also overcommit myself. Um, but if I'm able to, to use Clubhouse as wisely as I think it can be used, I think it's so much— it's such a great tool that wasn't there when I started my business. And it's not as addictive as people say it is. I mean, I think it can be, but also a lot of times there's like 25 people talking about the same thing. So just pick like one room that you love. And I also love Clubhouse because you can sit in the audience and just connect with people. I use it to like do my Instagram engagement. I'll just sit in a room and like engage with people's profiles who are sitting in the same room as me, because I'm hopeful that we might have something in common. So it's been great to like meet other people. That way. So if your time is limited, your energy is limited, place I would say to show up is Clubhouse. I also like it that nobody can see you, so you can do it while you're laying on your couch, um, just put your headphones in. You can enter quietly and leave quietly. It's kind of the name of the game on Clubhouse. That would be it. And then the other thing I think I would say is give yourself the grace to like not have to do it all. Um, I got pretty caught up in like, oh, I need to do all of these things. And I was doing a membership and this and that. And like, it's okay to just really be great at one thing. Um, and that would be the thing I would say. And I'd also say, if somebody else says to you like, you should do this, if you don't like it, don't do it. I thought I should be a self-care coach for teachers because I was teaching yoga at the time and I was a teacher and everybody was talking about self-care. Care, but it wasn't like I wasn't good at it and it wasn't making me happy. And so just like letting that go. And now I see other people who are self-care coaches and I'm like, man, maybe I should have stayed. But then I also realized that a lot of times when I talk to them, they say the same things that I was saying when I was doing it. And I realized that it's okay that I let that go. So if something's not working, let it go.

Oh, say that again. If it's not working, you have permission to let it go. Like, seriously. Oh, well, I am just so honored and privileged and so thankful for you hopping on and sharing your story and your gems and your heart and your experiences with us. Um, please tell us how we can connect with you on all of the things so everybody can go, like, you know, speed listen to everything that you have out there in the world.

Oh, of course, I would love it. I love to stay connected, and I, I don't mind DM that's friendly. So go ahead and say hello. The easiest way to find me, I'm @MonicaMonfry on all of the social media channels. On Facebook, it might say Monica Scantlebury. Don't be afraid, that's just my married name. Everybody still gets— even I'm like, who's Monica? Oh, that's— so I'm @MonicaMonfry on all the social medias. That's Instagram, Facebook. TikTok might be something different, but you can still find me there. LinkedIn, I even have a Twitter. Did I say Twitter? I tweet every once in a while. Okay. When Instagram and Facebook went down, I was like, well, hey, I got me some Twitter. I had to like go, what's my password again? And on Clubhouse. And then my website is monikamontrey.com. And those are, you know, for me, it's just about owning my name. And I, you know, sometimes I don't know how it was for you, but I was growing up, I always wanted to like have a new last name. But now that I'm an English teacher and it's alliterative, I love my last name. Gainslberry, but I also am like, ooh, I'm Monica Mansfield. What's better for an English teacher than to have an alliterative first and last name?

That's such a teacher English thing. I'm like, my name was Hall, Nikita Hall, which is like, no. And now it makes more sense because it's Nikita Williams. I'm like, that just flows better. It just fits.

I love it. I do ask my students, they've had struggles because I taught them last year. And sometimes they don't know who Ms. Cantalberry is. They also don't like it because when I have to go find them a pass, it takes me an extra like 1.2 seconds.

All right, awesome. Well, I will have all of those links and everything inside of the show notes. And thank you again so very much.

Thank you so much for having me. This has been so much fun.

All right, y'all, that's a wrap. Thank you for listening, and I hope this conversation inspired you. Be sure to visit craftedtothrive.com to check out our show notes, notes, connect with our guests, and grab some of those goodies. Join us for the next episode, and in the meantime, remember, yes, yes, yes, you are crafted to thrive.