"Finding The Real YOU"

Welcome to She's Crafted to Thrive, a show for women in photography and other creative businesses. You will hear conversations about the real everyday struggles of juggling life and business while trying to maintain passion and balance. As women, we have the skill of getting things done, but sometimes we get in our own way. It's here where you'll see that you're not alone. You'll discover that success does not mean perfection. Fear, negative Thoughts and challenges are all part of the journey. On the podcast, you'll find the inspiration and tools you need to have a life and business that thrives. On this episode of She's Crafted to Thrive, our guest is Courtney Elmer, a life and business coach showing women how to stress less and live more. As women, we have to juggle all the things, and that usually means we do that at the expense of ourselves. In this chat, Courtney shares with us her very real story and how at one point she lost herself. She'll also share how she found herself once again and now is helping women find ways to reduce stress and live more. Be sure to listen all the way to the end because she'll give us 3 ways to reduce stress and get more done. I am super excited. Courtney, I'm so happy to have you on. Go ahead and tell us a little bit about yourself before we kind of get into the good stuff.

Sure. I'm so excited to be here first and foremost before anything. So thank you for having me. And, uh, yeah, the nutshell version of me is I am an empowerment speaker and stress coach. And what that means is that I show busy female entrepreneurs and boss mamas how to pinpoint and eliminate the underlying causes of stress and overwhelm in their life and business so that they can work and live from a place that's calm and clear and focused and fulfilling. Or as I always love to say, to stress less and live more.

I love it. I love it. I love it. That's so important. It's so important. Um, it's such a big piece. I think we, we like to look over, you know, we kind of like just keep going because we're really good at multitasking and moving and doing all these things, but we forget those pieces. Like you need to slow down, take a deep breath and like really prioritize and get stuff done, but without feeling completely like you're drowning. Right.

Yes. So, so true.

So I'm super excited because, you know, I've been following you and I joined your Facebook group. I been getting your emails and I've been putting some of the things that you even share with me through all those channels in my business. And my favorite new thing right now is the Do Not Disturb on my phone. I did not know how amazing— like, I don't know why I never even thought to use that in my business, but I love it. And almost it's kind of— my husband's like, you always forget to turn it back on now. I'm like, oh yeah, I guess I should turn that back on. It is such a time saver. Such a time saver. And I love it.

It's kind of nice, right? I mean, it's like you forget that it's like, well, I don't want to turn it back on once you get used to it.

Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. So let's kind of get into a little bit about you. You know, what brought you to this path that you're on helping women in their business and deciding to, you know, get rid of overwhelm? What brought you to this path?

Yeah. So, you know, my journey has been a really interesting one, one full of many twists and turns, as I imagine many people listening listening have had the same similar types of twists and turns. You know, we all have our stuff on our journeys. But, uh, back in 2013, I, I came from corporate America, um, and, and network marketing. And I actually spent over 8 years in the network marketing industry with a lot of success. I had a huge team, I earned a luxury vehicle, I had all the trips, you know, go on these expense-paid vacations, um, traveling the world, speaking, training, doing all kinds of things that from the outside looking in, anyone would have said, wow, Her life looks amazing, you know, but on the inside, I felt this constant pressure to get up super early, stay up super late, go, go, go, go all day long. Um, you know, seeing myself coming and going and just feeling like I had worked to build this whole identity of success at the expense of myself. I was suffering from extreme stress, exhaustion, anxiety, burning out. You know, I had this constant cycle. It felt like I was just run, run, run, run, run toward a goal or deadline or something I was working towards. And then I would just like crash and burn out, you know, and kind of that perpetuating cycle. And so I felt like on, you know, when I would go out and kind of put on a smile and, you know, everything's fine, business is fine. Where on the inside, I felt like I was barely holding it all together.

Wow. Okay.

And it was exhausting. Um, and so I knew that I needed to change something. I knew something had to give, but I didn't, I was afraid. Like I didn't know, what to do to change because that's how I had always done things. That's how I'd always operated. And I was worried of what everyone else would think if I quit, you know, this whole image of success that I had built my whole life around would just come crumbling down. And at the same time, I had met the love of my life. We were planning our wedding, got married. And 2 days after we got home from our honeymoon, I had gone to the doctor's office for a follow-up on a visit that I had had a few weeks and completely out of left field, totally unexpectedly, was diagnosed with cancer.

Wow.

At the age of 25.

Wow. I remember you telling me a little piece of this and I was just like, oh my gosh, what would that be like to happen? I mean, I deal with my own personal things in my life and health-wise and I, and I'm young, so it's like, I can only imagine that news. Wow.

Wow. So unexpected. I can remember it was almost like I was in a movie. You know, those scenes in the movies where like all the sound kind of goes, fades away and like the vision, like everything gets blurry and you know, it's just like you're so in the moment. It was kind of like that. It was like this weird, very surreal experience. And so after getting that diagnosis, obviously, you know, went through treatment, recovery, all of that. And, you know, praise God, things are good today. I'm very healthy. But very happy. Thank you. But at the time that forced me to slow down and that was something I wasn't used to. I was not used to just sitting around and watching Netflix or, you know, reading books. I'm like, what is this? Like, I don't know what, I don't know what to do with myself. And so that was hard. But, um, I also realized at that time, I really started questioning because I knew as cliché as it sounds, life is very short, you know, and when something like that happens, it just throws it all in front of your face and So it really causes you to question things. And so that's when I really kind of started digging, you know, into myself and just exploring what I really wanted. And I had totally lost sight of myself, who I even was anymore, you know, because of, um, this whole work identity I had built for myself. And, and so basically what I did was I call it a roadmap. I didn't know at the time that I was putting this roadmap together, but as I would take one foot in front of the other, I would figure out, you know, how to reconnect with myself and how to figure out my purpose and the things that really lit me up, the things I valued in life, the things that really inspired me and made me feel more in alignment with myself and with what I felt, you know, I was put on this earth to do. So that's when the seed for my work in the world today was planted. And from there, it's just evolved into the business that I now have, speaking and coaching, where I'm showing other women how to apply this roadmap that I followed for myself first and foremost. So it's tested and true. It works, right? Right. But, um, but helping them figure out, you know, how to eliminate those underlying causes of stress and overwhelm too, so that they can not go down such a destructive path that I did and perhaps risk, you know, their health, their relationships, their family life, and all of these things that are at risk when we put ourselves in that position, willfully or not, you know.

Right, right. No, yeah, exactly. We don't know, we don't recognize we're doing that to ourselves until we are either at the crest of something major happening in our life, or we just literally physically just something stops us. You know, I think we're really good, and I don't know if the word should be really good at just pushing through, because as women, that's what we do. We know how to push through and keep going because that's what we do. But there is something to be said to stop and really rest in your space, in your peace, in your place, and refocus and regenerate who you are and what you need to do. And, you know, it's crazy though. Unfortunately, I think a lot of us do end up going down to the very end of where we can actually physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually go until we hit that wall and see like, oh my gosh, where have I— where did I go? Um, and there's something in that piece that you said that I think a lot of my audience will totally understand is why, like, how did you get over that piece of like, well, what is everybody going to think if I change or if I do this thing? We attach as women, like, who we are, what we do to all the things that we actually do. We attach them to us, how people like us. Like, I know that's a space that we all are coming from. So that being in the back of your head and then this life-changing circumstance of being diagnosed with cancer at 25, well, you had to deal with that. But then at the same time, oh my gosh, what are people thinking? What are they thinking about me changing my whole lifestyle or the way I work? How did you deal with that? Where did you go from that place?

That is such a good question. I'm really glad you asked it because I don't think it's ever been asked to me in that way before. So this is, yeah. You know, cause it was really, it was, it was a challenge and it was that huge fear, right? That if I change anything or do anything differently, then who am I even anymore? Because my identity has been this for so long.

Right.

And I learned two things, um, as I kind of went through this process and the first and foremost being nobody cares. Nobody cares. And I mean that, that is like the God honest truth. Nobody cares. And we care more about it than other people do because everyone else, guess what? They're worried about their own stuff and they're worried about how they're appearing and all the things, you know? So A, just know that, you know, rest in that nobody cares. But B, the second thing that I learned, and this even being, you know, kind of the thing that helped me through this was that as I started to rediscover myself and reconnect with myself and who I really was, you know, I had always kind of said like, I just want to get back to the old me. I just want to get back to the old me. And so my whole process of reconnecting with this old me, it wasn't really the old me. It was just the me inside that I had gotten so far away from, you know, the authentic me. Um, and so reconnecting with her actually taught me that I am not my role. I am not the hat that I'm wearing right now. You know, just because I'm a wife or I'm a mother or I'm a business owner or I'm a friend or I'm a daughter, I'm a sister. Doesn't define me, who I am authentically. And so when I recognize that—

we gotta stop for a minute. I'm like, just like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I love, I love that. That is going to be a quote on a post somewhere. I am not my role. That is so powerful. Wow. Because wow, like, we do attach ourselves to that role and everyone else attaches us to that role. But wow, wow, very well, very well said. Wow.

Yeah, because it's so true, right? At the end of the day, we are who we are. We are who we were created to be. We are, you know, we have so many amazing gifts and talents, and, you know, we have a life purpose and a mission. Even if we haven't figured out what that is yet, that's okay, but we have it. It's in there. It's in our hearts. It's been written on our heart. And so we have to just remember that and to separate the two, right? Like, this is You know, as a wife right now, I, that's my role, you know, as a mother, that's my role, but that doesn't mean that's who I am. You know, there's even a deeper layer there to our human person. So that's so fascinating to me. And that's the part that I really enjoyed most in my journey was discovering her, you know, and reconnecting with her.

That is awesome. Yeah, no, that is such a good piece. Um, and I know a lot of my audience is very, they, they connect with who they are based on what they're doing. And there's not— I don't necessarily think that that's, that's a part of you. That might be a piece of you, but it's not actually who you are. There are things that we do that are really great, but the person that we are within is allowing us to fulfill that role, you know, allowing us to do those things. So that is such a good thing to like keep in mind that we are not that and nobody cares. I say that all the time. I even tell my husband that because he's a big guy who's like always worried about what other people are thinking. And I'm like, nobody cares. Nobody's paying attention to you like that. Only you are. I promise you, like, nobody cares. So that's a good thing. I'm so glad you answered that question and shared that because that's a good piece, you know, a big piece that we all have to kind of struggle with. Getting outside of our head and then at the same time connecting with ourselves.

Yeah. Yes. And kind of following our own advice too sometimes, right? Like you tell your husband that all the time and it's like we give these, we give this advice, but sometimes it's just like remembering, oh yeah, I need to do that too.

Right. Yeah. That's why coaches have coaches.

Yeah, exactly. Absolutely.

Absolutely. So what are, you know, what inspires you now? Like I know before you were saying you have this piece of, you know, network marketing. I'm in network marketing and it's so funny because I come from a different space where I used to feel the way you felt, where it was like, I have to do all these things. And the team I'm with right now, they're all about simplicity and they're all about not being overwhelmed. And I love it. That's— I love that piece. And I think what happens is even in your business, in a corporate job, a lot of my audience is usually working full-time and pursuing their side hustle. So they are doing a lot and then they have families and all these other things and they get caught into that rut of just going, going, going, going, going, and they forget what inspires them. They forget why they are doing what they're doing. Like they're just doing versus feeling and coming from the place of inspiration. So what inspires you?

Awesome question. There's a couple of things that inspire me. One, well, I'll start with this one and then I'll share the other one. So the first thing, you know, as far as what I value, that was part of, for me, getting really clear on what was important to me, not the things that I thought should be important to me, right? Because that's another trap that's easy to fall into is, well, this money should be important to me, or, you know, having success or titles or things, they should be important to me. And those might be what some people value. And that's, Okay. But it doesn't mean it's what you have to value. So for example, on my values list, money is nowhere on it. Does it mean I don't want to make money? No, of course, you know, my, at the end of the day, you know, money has to come in, lights have to stay on, got food on the table. Right. But money does not drive me to do what I do. My values are more centered around things like authentic connection, right? You know, connecting with other people on a heart level, you know, authentically that inspires me, that motivates me living my most authentic life. That includes travel. That includes adventure. That includes just doing the thing, right? Like jumping off the ledge and just saying, what the heck, I'm going to do it. Why not? And see what happens. Um, living, living life like that. And so those are the things that inspire me kind of from within. From without, my son AJ.

Oh yes.

He is the external inspiration in my life. And of course my husband, Alan too, but but AJ especially, because when I first found out I was pregnant, he— we were not expecting that whatsoever. That was actually a side effect of the radiation, was infertility, and we weren't sure that we'd be able to even have kids. So when we found out, it was just totally overjoyed, shocked, surprised, just all the emotion wrapped up into one. And I was afraid, to be completely honest with you, once all of that emotion settled down, I was really afraid because I didn't know if I was ready. I mean, who's ever ready really, right, to be a mom? But I really didn't know if I was ready because I'm like, I'm building my career and I wanted to travel and speak and I still had a book I was working on, just different things that I wanted to finish first. Like I wanted them off of my list and then kids kind of, right? But, uh, you know, I, it's just, I'm a very spiritual person. I believe God has a plan that he just kind of sometimes puts in there for us and we just kind of have to get in the boat and paddle and figure it out as we go. And so that's the situation I found myself in. And, um, and so when AJ was born, it took things for me to a whole new level because I recognized that I needed to be the parent and the adult that I want him to grow up to be.

Right.

So even from a young age right now, maybe he doesn't fully understand things yet. He's 4 and a half months old, you know, he's got a little ways to go, but it reminds me every single day that I need to be modeling what I teach and practicing what I preach in order to live by that example for him, you know, to grow up realizing that it's possible to have a life and a business and to enjoy and love both, you know, without one being at the expense of the other. And just me, it reminds me every day I need to model that for him. And so that inspires me as well to just, you know, keep my nose to the grindstone, stay focused and really live what I speak.

Right, yeah, and especially with kids. I mean, they learn more by what we're doing. Like, that's where they thrive the most. I mean, it's amazing what they can do. I don't have kids, but I have lots of friends with kids, and I don't think parents even realize sometimes. I'm like, do you know you do that? And then like, yes, girl, I've learned by watching that face and how she says stuff. Like, I can't believe it, but I know That's me. And you're so right, like, you have to live what you preach, you know. And I think that's in life outside of kids, even, even with our business. I think we have to attract people. That's the type of person we want to attract in our business, that type of people we want to work with. Um, we have to be those people. We have to authentically be those people because people can tell, just like kids, when it's not real. When it's not real.

Yes. Amen to that. So, so true. And I think that's also an interesting distinction too, that you bring that up. Um, is that in my past life, so to speak, you know, the one that was stressed and crazy and overwhelmed, I was living being the leader and the person that I thought everyone wanted to follow and that everyone wanted to be around. Whereas it really wasn't, it wasn't authentically me. And so that was another thing that I recognized and realized on my own journey you know, self-discovery as well, that just to be authentically me is what's going to inspire people to follow me. You know, that's what's going to create that tribe of, you know, rabid fans and followers and clients and friends because they're attracted to who I am, not who I'm claiming to be or putting myself out there, you know, pretending to be, um, but just who I am and just the raw, real truth of that, you know.

Right. Yes. There's a photographer that she said pretty much the same thing. She's like, people will fall in love with you, the real you, and then your business. It's not either or. Either they love your business or they don't love you. It's usually not that way. They have to fall in love with you and you have to be real. I mean, it's really strange when you meet someone, you're like, you're totally not at all what I thought you were going to be, you know. And that's usually what happens with celebrities and things like this. And the ones I know for myself that I'm mostly attracted to, the ones that I feel like if I met them, they're exactly the same person they would be outside of TV or outside of a movie. And that's so true for business, you know. We have to be who we really are and be comfortable in that skin, you know, be comfortable in that skin. So I love that. I love that.

Yes. Yes.

So how do you find like balance in life and pursuing all those goals now that you're a new mommy and, you know, have your wife, house to take care of? How do you balance that life and your business without feeling or reverting back maybe to those old habits?

That's the challenge, right? Because those old habits and those old patterns, they want to creep in any time that, that that to-do list starts to get a little too long or situations come up and it's like, you know, ah, our bodies just kind of revert back. But, um, yes. So I feel like I'm on an episode of Mythbusters or something here, but I'm going to bust a big myth for you right now that there is no such thing as balance. Period. Bottom line. It doesn't exist. Okay. Balance. So here's the thing. Balance is a utopia that we all strive for, right? The key thing to know with balance is that it's going to look different for each one of us, right? In our own situations. And I think that is what we often forget. We strive for this overall balance, right? Where we think that it needs to be this way or that way, or because her life looks this way, then my life needs to look this way. And so we're constantly looking externally for what this ideal of balance even is. Whereas really it's something that can only be answered from within. And so what my question is, what is balanced to you? You know, ask yourself that. What is, what is balance to me? Um, that is how you answer that question. And that is how you start to achieve more of that in your life. Because when you can define what that is for you specifically, then you're able to go after it as opposed to thinking, you know, going after what you think it should be or what everyone else says it should be. Um, you know, because that idea of balance doesn't exist. Balance only exists in your heart, you know, and in, in, in what really, um, when you can get in alignment with what that looks like for you. You know, for me, balance might be spending quality time with my family on Sundays, you know, no work, no technology, no anything like that. Whereas for someone else, maybe Sunday is their only day of the week that they can work. Are working a side hustle. And so being able to put those hours in then and, you know, spend family time elsewhere might be, you know, so it's not going to look the same for everybody, right? But accepting and then living in that and owning it and being like, actually, that's awesome that it doesn't look the same for everybody. I just need to figure out what it looks like for me.

Yeah, it's so true. I mean, I think that's what we like to do. I mean, it's like the whole danger of comparing yourself to someone else or someone else's business. Or I think even for me, and I think with a lot of photographers in general, the follower comparison, like how many people are following me and oh my gosh, nobody like me. And we get so caught up in like, well, this photographer has so many this and I should have that. But, you know, it's like I have a coach and she's like, I, you don't know how many people I talk to who have millions of followers and are broke. So their balance, they obviously haven't figured out what that balance is for them or what it is in their business. Because what's— what balance in your business and what balance is in your life can be two different things. That's what I believe anyway. And you have to find a way almost to kind of marry them, I believe, to make that work for you. And there's no way that my balance of work and life is your balance in work life. It's just, it's just not possible because we are different people. And going back to that piece of being your authentic self and connecting with yourself, You've got to, you have, that's only, that's you. That's, that's a place where you have to come from. So I totally agree. I fully agree with you. It's not a mythbuster. I think we all know it, but I think we know it deep down.

It's the truth. Yep.

But I think we do, we just like, oh, what is this blanket balance thing we all need? But there's no blanket.

Right. And then the other thing I think too is that oftentimes we were searching for balance, but we've never actually defined what it is for us. So we're searching for something that we don't You don't actually know. Once you can get clear on it, you can achieve it because then you know what you're working towards. I think that's really the piece is that that's the piece we miss when it comes to the whole balance thing. You know, and you said it so beautifully, marrying the two between work and life. And that's what I often say, you know, instead of balance, like throw the idea of balance out the window and instead embrace the philosophy of work-life integration, right. You know, and integrating those two and how can I live and work from a place that feels good and feels fulfilling. So when I put my head on the pillow at night, I feel like, gosh, today was a really good day, you know, and celebrating those small wins as opposed to, oh my gosh, I didn't get this done. I got to do all these things tomorrow. And, you know, kind of living from this place of, um, I guess almost more scarcity and being afraid that things are going to fall through the cracks. I'm going to miss something. And, you know, somehow we're not good enough because we're not getting it all done. And, but instead living more from a place of being able to celebrate the small wins and pillow at night just feeling fulfilled, you know.

Right, exactly. So my next question is, what is the best piece of advice you've ever been given? I know that's a really— I know that's a hard question because, I mean, we all get tons of advice, but I do believe that there are pieces or things that someone has told us that resonated so much in our life, um, and in our business that affects every part of our life that we have to make It connected with us and it made us make an action and moved us to do what we needed to do. And I believe everybody who is growing in a business has some of those. So only one, if you want to share a couple, that's fine. But what is the number one advice you have been given that you just would think everyone should know about?

Well, I know there's like 48,000 million 80/20 rules out there, but I have an 80/20 rule that my dad taught me from a very young age.. And he said, you know, Courtney, he knew that I had very perfectionistic type A tendencies. Right. And instead of calling me out on those and being like, Courtney, you're such a perfectionist. Like you need to work on that. In his gentle way, he said, you know, Courtney, focus on the 80% solution. And I was like, dad, you know, he's from the finance industry. He's always throwing numbers out there. I'm like, dad, what does that mean? Like 80% solution. You know, he went on to explain. He's like, Just hang with me for a second. He said, to someone else, your 80% is their 100%. So in other words, from the outside looking in, even if you're only giving it 80% of your best, to them, they don't know the difference. They don't know if you had an extra 20% to give. So his point was not to do a bad job, but to not worry about that 20% and getting it so perfect and so right. And so on the money and just letting your best work be your best work, you know, being okay with the 80% solution and being okay that I'm giving it my best. I'm pursuing excellence, not perfection, you know, because, and not kill yourself over that extra 20%, because I think that's an easy trap to fall into. And that I, where I lived for many years was in that, that extra 20%, right? Like just trying to do it to the nth degree. In order to be recognized or in order to make someone else happy or whatever the reason was. Whereas at the end of the day, A, they didn't care, right? And then B, that, that extra 20% that I was killing myself over really didn't matter at the end of the day, because even if I had just done my best, you know, and given 80% to someone else, they think that that's, that's all there is. That's it. You know?

Right.

So that really has stuck with me, you know, for many, many years. For a long time, it just kind of echoed in my head and bounced around and I didn't really live by it.

But now I live by that.

You know, I just seek to do my best every day and to rest with that and to let that be enough.

Right.

Give myself permission to let that be enough.

Wow. Yeah, that's, that's really good advice. I love that. I love that 80/20. My mom is so funny. You know, our parents have such a big piece of us and I'm sure this came from, it came from my mom, but it came from my grandmother actually. And she used to say, say the same thing. She used to say, you know, everybody can give what they can give. And in a marriage and in life and work, sometimes you can give 80 and the other person can only give 20 and vice versa. And that doesn't mean that that other person giving 20 is horrible. It just means that they can only give that so much. And we get so focused on doing the 100% to perfection. That we lose sight of just getting it done. You know, sometimes we just need to get it done and it doesn't have to be perfect, doesn't have to be amazing, but getting it done accomplishes a lot of things. And, you know, I'm kind of learning that myself with this podcast. Like, I do not have everything done. I am still trying to figure everything out, but hey, let's move on and let's see what happens. And you grow from that, you know, you kind of just grow from that place. And then you can look back and be like, oh my gosh, that was the first one and it was really not that great, but it was my best at the time.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yes. I did a video in my Facebook group the other day, uh, and just talking about this, right? Like this perfection and how if we strive for that perfection all the time, we're actually holding our own selves back in a lot of ways because we say we're not ready yet. Mm-hmm. You know, and I had done a, a kind of a sister video to that on Instagram TV, the new IGTV that just launched. And saying, you know, we have two options. We're all in the same— we all find ourselves in the same boat at some point or another.

Right. Right.

And our two options there are either to pick up the paddle and paddle or sit and drift. And so what's the better option? You know, you can either pick up the paddle and figure it out, maybe make your way to shore. You will eventually, or you can just sit and drift and who knows where the current's going to take you.

Right.

So Yeah, I remind myself of that all the time.

Yeah. You know, that's such a good piece. A lot of creatives, they get caught in that place. They get caught in that perfection and, hey, well, I'm just not going to do it because it's not perfect or it's not the way I think it should be. And your audience might even think completely opposite of that. And you're like, oh no, but you really have to find the courage to just go, you know, just move and just keep going. And you learn along the way, you know. Yeah.

And I think letting people know too that, hey, you know, I don't have this down yet. I don't know maybe 100% what I'm doing, but that's okay. I'm going to figure it out as I go, you know, and ask for help and, um, and just be vulnerable, like lean into that, you know. And sometimes we're afraid to be that raw and real with people, but I've found that in my experience, When I open up like that to people and say, you know, hey guys, I'm figuring out this technology issue right now. I'm going live. It's on my desktop. I always do it from my phone. I'm not quite sure what this is, you know, whatever the situation might be. I just let them know people are very forgiving and they actually resonate more with you because then they're like, oh, she's real. She's real. She's not, she doesn't have it all together all the time. Phew, thank goodness. Like, you know, I can connect more deeply with her because she's real. Yeah, so that didn't really go a long way as well.

Yeah. So, um, what— like, so the last question, I guess I wouldn't say last, but kind of wrap it up. I know we talked about staying focused, finding, you know, your authenticity, how to be who you are, reconnecting with that, um, how to push past the fear of like, oh my gosh, what are other people going to think? Um, what are some tools or tricks that you've learned along the way that really have helped you to kind of stay on this path? Because, you know, that's going to be different for everyone. But I think what helps everybody is hearing, oh, I didn't even think about that particular tool or that particular trick to help me. I mean, for example, the whole like do not disturb. I never would have even thought about that. I never would have thought, hey, just put your phone on do not disturb and you will be fine for the rest of the day. You can get stuff done. So what are some of those things for you?

Yeah, so this is the part where I love— I love the how-tos. I'm such a how-to girl, you know. I mean, yes, you got to understand the concept behind it all, but when you can actually take action and implement easy stuff, you know, that can really make a big difference, that's what I'm all about. And one of the key, key pieces to always remember when it comes to eliminating overwhelm is to reduce your distractions. So any way that you can reduce distractions is keep. The do not disturb thing. I mean, that's a perfect one, right? Because our phone is the thing that just goes off constantly. And it honestly, they have done research studies on this where they say that our phone is no different. Like the notifications on our phone is the same as the lights on a gambling machine that literally lights up that same area of our brain. And that's why it's so highly addictive. Wow. So putting your phone on do not disturb when you have to do focused work, leaving it in another room. I know it sounds scary, but just tell yourself, I'm doing it for the next hour. You will be amazed by what you can accomplish in that hour. I have personally turned off the notifications on my phone. I have the Facebook app, I have the Instagram app, but I have to actually go into the app to check those notifications. That has helped tremendously because I'm not seeing it pop up. So it's not distracting me. Same with email. I'm not seeing it pop up. I'll go into the app to check it. You know, that's a way that I've eliminated some distractions that were really hindering me from being able to get things done and stay focused. Another simple, easy-to-do thing is to work with only one tab in front of you at all times, or one window. You know how many of us are online shopping and we have social media and we got like 14, some business stuff over here. It's like 14 tabs open and then we just jump, jump, jump. And jumping from one thing to the next, actually that exhausts our brain, right? That's why we fall into bed so fatigued at night because our brains are just tired from jumping all day long. So anything we can do to help our brain stay more singularly focused is going to be so key and so amazing for you in terms of your productivity. Your productivity is going to go through the roof the more distractions you can eliminate. So start thinking in terms of that, right? Because if your energy is going towards checking notifications and, you know, all the 14 tabs that are open, your brain's kind of jumping, your energy is being drained by those things. Whereas if you can kind of rein all of that in and singularly focus your energy in one area, you're going to have more energy. To accomplish what it is you're focusing on. And so that has been key for me. And this is especially key for those of us that might have, you know, a 9 to 5 job and a side hustle. Maybe we're not there yet where we're working our business full-time. And so that can be really key when your time is very limited to work on your business. If that's you, to know that eliminating your distractions during those few hours that you may have to be working your side hustle is going to be really key for you to getting stuff Yeah, that is, I mean, that's a piece that I coach on with my creatives.

I mean, their brain works a little bit differently because they are so creative and they get distracted by, ooh, this idea, that idea, this idea, and then they just jump, jump, jump, jump. And then at the end of the day, they look at what they've accomplished and they feel like they've accomplished nothing. And most likely they didn't accomplish much because they didn't stick with one task or one idea. Or one thought. So the idea to kind of work with one tab, I'll have to try that even for myself. I don't know how well I'll do, but I'll have to try that for myself too, because I work in a place of working with photographers and graphic designers and just really creative people, and they're everywhere. So I feel like I need to be everywhere, and I'm like, oh my gosh, I can't be everywhere. I have that moment where I'm like, I can't be everywhere. I just had that conversation with a friend of mine this week. Like, I feel like I can't not be everywhere and it's driving me crazy. And it's like, well, you can't. So why are you trying to do that? Like, why are you trying to be everywhere at the same time? It's not possible. So I will take some more of those tips. I'm just loving the do not disturb one. I'm just like, this is awesome. I need to find an app that will like maybe alert me that, hey, your do not disturb is on because I've liked it so much that I forget. So I, I don't remember. My mom will call and she's like, I called you. And I'm like, it's 2 days later. Oh my gosh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize it. You know? Um, but I guess that's a good problem to have.

Yeah. And just set a reminder in your phone or an alarm that pops up at 6:00 PM every evening, you know, turn off do not disturb and just let it pop up and help you get in that habit. You know, that's, I live by the reminders in my phone because that really helps too. Especially those recurring things and stuff that I want to revisit over time.

Right, right, right. Well, um, tell us how we can find you, where online, what you have coming up and, um, all that jazz before we close out.

Yes. So CourtneyElmer.com is my website. There's tons of resources there. In fact, I have a free guide on how to get calm, clear, and productive in just 10 minutes. It's an easy guide to work through. It gives tons of information. Really, once you work through the 3 simple steps there, you're going to get a lot of clarity, you know, especially if you're feeling overwhelmed with your to-do list. So check that out. And then I'm on Instagram. I'm on Twitter. I'm on Facebook. On Facebook, the Stress Less Tribe is where you can come and join our community of amazing women entrepreneurs who are all striving to have a less stressed, more fulfilling life and business. And on Instagram, my handle is CourtneyElmer_. And on Instagram especially, I've just launched, um, a new IGTV channel called Stress Less TV. So I'm on there weekly giving tips and strategies and videos all for free. Of course, you just adding tons of value. My Twitter handle is the same as Instagram. So if you're on Twitter, you can follow me there. Those are the main platforms.

Yep.

I'm very social too. So if you connect with me, let me know, you know, hey, I heard you on the podcast, like loved it. You know, let me know where you heard me or met me, whatever, you know, quote unquote met me. Because I'd love to follow you back and connect with you too and get to know you. And I'm all about that.

So perfect. Perfect. Well, it's been like super awesome to chat with you and to hear your story and kind of connect to those pieces that, you know, I think we all connect with and really realizing one, we're all the same in some way, shape, form, but we're all different and we have to find our paths. And we, you know, I really believe like we were talking about for each one of us, we have to craft or make the life and business that we want. We have to do it for ourselves. No one else can do it for us. And I appreciate you coming onto the show. And hopefully we'll have you back again. And thank you so much.

Thank you so much. I just enjoyed being here and appreciate, appreciate you having me.

All right, ladies, thank you for listening. And I hope this conversation inspired you. Be sure to subscribe and tell a friend. That's it on this episode. And yes, you are crafted to thrive.