Here's What to Do When a Flare-Up Happens in Public

Welcome back to the She's Crafted to Thrive podcast. I'm so excited that you're here. This is our last episode of season 4. We will be dropping new episodes January 6th, 2023. Can you believe I'm saying that? And it's going to be so great, so many binge-worthy episodes about living with chronic illness and overcoming different challenges and stepping into your power and voice and your story so that you can live a more thriving life regardless of the challenges that you're going through. So the episodes that are going to drop December— I mean, sorry, January the 6th are going to be from past clients, other amazing coaches who are also overcoming living with chronic illness, and so many other things. Hopefully the plan currently right now is that starting in January we will be having an episode every week. Now you all know if you've been around here for a long time or if you're a new listener, we've been doing 2 episodes usually per month. And now we have so much like other recorded episodes of other amazing women as well as other content that I would love to share with you that we hopefully will be stepping into 2023 with an episode every week. So let me know what you think about that. Go to the link in the show notes at craftedtothrive.com to share your love and excitement share some of the things that you are looking forward to listening and hearing about, share anything you want us to talk about on the show when it comes to living with chronic illness, growing a business, pivoting, starting, whatever the case may be, you can literally leave me a voice message on my website and I could be featuring you in 2023 and your topic. So I can't wait to hear from you. So this episode that I am sharing with you is an episode I did with my— I just did myself as a solo cast, and I am sharing with you why having a process, living with chronic illness and not doing it alone is so valuable. And also my work to getting to where I am and why I know what I teach and coach works, right? Why it can be easy for my clients to feel more clear and confident and feel like their chronic illness is their superpower. It did not happen overnight for me. And I always tell people, it wasn't easy, but now it is easy because I know how to do it in a way that feels good and easy. And that's what I want you to hear in this episode. And as you look at your year of 2022, think about where could things be more easy? Where could things have been more fluid? Think about what did go well. Think about how you were in your mind, your body. Like, where were you clear even during a flare-up? Where were— where did you feel like you really advocated for yourself or spoke up for yourself or did something that was hard even though you weren't feeling great, but you still felt really confident doing it? I want you to think about all of those different things and reflect on that journey and how it will feel going into 2023, taking those lessons to inform how you plan your year. So without ado, stay tuned.

You're listening to the She's Crafted to Thrive podcast, and this is your host Nikita Williams. On this show, we're talking about what it's like to start, grow, and scale a business while living with chronic illness. You will hear from other creatives and CEOs as they share their stories and the lessons that led them to learn to lean more into what worked for them. You'll discover that success does not mean perfection, and fear, negative thoughts, and challenges are all a part of the journey, but there's always an abundance of wins. So stay tuned and you'll find the inspiration and tools you need to craft a life and business that thrives. I am looking forward to having this conversation with you. With some more transparency on what it looks like to view your chronic illness as your superpower. And I started thinking about this when I was talking to a good friend a few weeks ago who was like, she's like, I just don't know how you do it. Like, how are you doing all of these things? And it looks so easy. Like, even when you say you're in a flare-up, it looks easy, Nikita Williams Williams. And I lovingly said it has taken a long time. It has taken so many small mini wins in so many different areas of my life to get to a point where, one, I can not hate my chronic illness and illnesses and to view them as a way to live in a more empowered way. And it didn't happen overnight, you guys. It totally didn't. And it got me to thinking about something I have been experiencing in the last couple of months about me and my physical strength of being able to do more than I probably have been able to in years. Right. And I thought this is a great episode to have with you all to share with you how it is possible, but also to share with you, like, it's not— it doesn't happen overnight. And it appears easy right now. It appears super easy right now. And I definitely believe it can be, even the journey. But no one told me about this journey. And I have definitely created a framework looking back over the last— how long it's been? Almost 12, 13 years of living with chronic illness and have re— like rehearsed and re-rinsed and washed and dried this process over and over again in all of these different areas of my life so that someone else can come into and in my world and as I work with them to see how it can be easy and they don't have to like struggle for 13 years by themselves trying to figure this out. And I just wanted to show you like kind of a bit of like behind the scenes of what has taken and why does it look like it's easy and why I can effortlessly in some way, shape, or form say, yeah, your chronic illness can be your superpower. So here's what I mean by that. I believe that our chronic illnesses— and for me personally, I feel like it was— I didn't ask for it. I didn't want it. Some of us are born with chronic illnesses and chronic disorders, like disorders and disabilities. And I have just learned for myself from a mindset point of view that it looks different than someone else's life, but it is my life. And how can I thrive with this being a part of my life versus hating a part of my life, right? And I think it's getting to the point of recognizing that all parts of us— like, even if you don't have a chronic illness, right? Even if you don't have disability, even if you don't have an autoimmune disease or disorder, loving you whole is such a big thing, right? And like, being in a place where you can start to forgive and grow and stretch yourself in those different areas is ultimately the— one of the greatest ways to become more empowered, right? To feel more empowered to live your life with good, like live your life more thriving than just surviving, right? And a lot— there are times in our lives that we are just surviving. There have been times in my life where I am— I know I was just surviving, but there were so many tools and lessons and things that I learned through the surviving that now If I'm in surviving mode, I can look and say, you know what, during this process, I know there were things that helped me to get out of this thought of just surviving. So that's what I want to talk to you all about this. And obviously, if you're hearing my voice, I have like some like straight up phlegmy nastiness going on. It is the allergies here in Georgia. We have been having like, it's It was 80 degrees earlier this week. Like, it's crazy. And it's like in and out. And so I'm dealing with all of that. And my vocal coach would be like, are you doing your stuff? And I'm like, sorta, I kind of have been, and I need to do that more. So excuse my voice. But with all of that being said, how can you view your chronic illness as your superpower? I wanted to share the example that I feel like gives a really good view of how to deal with the ups and downs of living with chronic illness, even when you are feeling like you're on a good trajectory up or down. Okay. So I recently in this year started working with a functional medicine doctor earlier this year. I think I talked about this earlier in an episode, a solo episode. And they really did help me find a, a balance and a harmony between my body, like what's going on in my body and my stomach and all of that stuff. And so I really was very intentional. One of the biggest, um, things that I have learned over the years living with chronic illness is that intentionality is key to creating small wins that lead to greater places of clarity and confidence. Like, it truly is the intentional work that you put in are the little steps that takes you to the big vision where you can look back and your friends can be like, Nikita, how are you doing it so easy? And you're like, it has taken effort, and I'm so glad I took the effort, but it wasn't as hard as many of us think it has to be. And this journey— and I, I intentionally bring up the point that I started working with a functional medicine doctor and a team and a health coach. And I've done that multiple times during my, my journey of living with chronic illness and working with a coach and help having them work with me on my mindset and all of those things. Like, they are not all siloed. They're literally all the holistic tools that I needed to use in order to really understand my thoughts, my body, and what I really want, right? And living with pain, especially with fibromyalgia, is one of my chronic illnesses. And this past year, you know, I was, you know, I was diagnosed with IC, which is chronic bladder disease. Pain is a part of my life, and part of my intention is like knowing where am I adding pain where I don't need to. And a lot of times, y'all, a lot of times it is in my head, like the thoughts I am thinking about myself or the people or perception of other people's reality in my thoughts are the things that are getting— usually get all like get in the way of me really being and seeing my hurdles as a lesson towards being a better version of myself., right? So I say all that to say I started working in Pilates. So the story with Pilates is way back in the day I used to do Pilates and I really enjoyed it. It was kind of like that hate-love experience. Like when you're going through it, you kind of want to like scream and shout. And my instructor now, she laughs at me because I laugh at her. Like she tells me like, do this thing. And I'm like, yeah, that's cute. That's not going to happen. And now I'm like, almost 4 months into it, and it's like, I cannot believe I'm doing this and doing it harder than I was doing it the first time. But that didn't happen overnight. It definitely started slowly, but it first started with me being okay with the pace it takes me, or it took me, to get to a place where I felt comfortable but uncomfortable enough where I could have that growth of going to Pilates, right? And so that's something that I have become very intentional in my life of knowing the difference between being outside of my comfort zone and being absolutely petrified and not at all ready for me to do the thing, right? And I really think there's a balance that has to be found with knowing the difference. And it has definitely been a part of my journey of like, okay, when do I push? Right? Like, when— there are times I'm going to have to push, but when do I know that I've pushed too much or that I'm getting to that place of pushing too much? And when I am, what am I sacrificing, ignoring, or hiding from when I'm doing that? And I got to a place in my journey this year with my, you know, feeling well and doing well enough that I realized that Nikita, you're kind of hiding from the what if you go to Pilates and you hurt yourself, but you have already done so much work to help you to get to this point where even if you did, you have the tools to overcome them. So this is a little bit of uncomfortableness of where you are, but you can do it because you've done all these little tiny steps that have led you to being able to step into this uncomfortable place and still grow and thrive. So I say all of that to also go back to something that happened to me 2 weeks ago, right? So you know those what-if fears, and most of the time they're just smoke, they don't really happen, right? Sometimes they do. One of my biggest fears of like going out and working out has been like, what if I have a flare-up of like a stomach issue? Like, I hate using public bathrooms and I absolutely hate using them like after or during any workout place. It's like, probably nobody is paying attention. Probably nobody is even looking at me because most times they aren't. But when it's in a small container, like for me, I'm going to Pilates studio, it's like a relatively small building. The ladies in my group, they know me sort of. They don't know what kind of issues I have. It's a group little setting. My instructor knows me pretty well. And I— my fear beyond hurting myself is that I'm going to have like an episode where I have to go to the bathroom in the middle of a class. And have to leave? And how embarrassing is that going to be, especially when I'm in a group session with like 4 other people where it's not like you can bounce out and nobody notices that you bounced out, like you actually have to say something. And that happened. That totally happened. And I know why it happened. Like, I know why my stomach is doing the thing. This last couple of months, my body has been telling me Hey, we need to switch some of this protein shakes that you're taking because we're getting used to them and we kind of don't like them. And I go through those kind of like little sessions of time of life where it's like I have found my normal, my body doesn't like the type of nutrients or how I'm ingesting that, and I have to shift it around. So that obviously adjusts and messes with everything— my sleep, my digestion, all of the things. And my energy especially. And so there are things that I take now, like things that I know while I'm trying to figure that out, there's some medications. On this particular day, the medications either worked and had a different response than it usually does, and it happened during my Pilates session. And then I was in the bathroom, and I hate going to the bathroom when there's other people around. Like, I don't even like doing that at home, honestly. I live with my husband. I don't even like doing that at home. I'm just like, hey, I like I like to like dip and like go away, hide. And that happened during the session of my Pilates, right? And while I'm in the restroom getting my mind right on like, how am I going to deal with this very real feeling of embarrassment, right? This very real feeling of this is what I didn't want happening. How am I going to handle it? And in the past, I will tell you I probably would not have handled it the way I did back in the day. If something like this happened, I probably would have stayed in the bathroom until the class was over, right? The whole time, even though I'm done doing what I need to do in the bathroom, I probably would have stayed in the bathroom until the whole class was over and like kind of peeked out the door to see if all the ladies that I was with left. And like on top of that, like kind of wait till I didn't see my instructor and like run out of there, like straight up. I would have hid. I would have done everything in my power to avoid the awkward, in my mind and body, experience of I've got to go, right? And 2 weeks ago, what did I do? I took a moment and I have the tools. It's been years, you guys. I didn't just wake up and know to do this. Like, this is what I want you to say, like, want you to learn, but how you can feel empowered when you work on the tools that I have. I have tools that I teach my clients, um, around mindset and practicality of all those different things, but also about the regulation of your nervous system when you are in these situations, right?. And so in that moment, I knew what I needed to do. So I did my tapping, which is EFT tapping. If you don't know about that, stick around or listen to an episode. I'll go into that later. I also did some breathwork while I was in there, and I said prayers. Obviously, that's always the first thing I did. And I just looked at myself in the mirror and said, Nikita Williams, you're okay, you're safe. And this kind of thing happens and nobody else is going to know the details of what's going on. Like, I literally had a conversation with myself, like literally, and I soothed my inner child, my, myself as an adult, as well as being like, you're gonna go out there, you're gonna go grab your phone. And that was the other thing, I didn't have my phone. So you're gonna go grab your phone send a text to your husband, let him know you're coming home, you're gonna go clean off your Pilates, um, stuff where all of the people are watching you. And even doing that, you're gonna keep telling yourself, I'm okay, I love you, we're doing this, we're gonna leave early, and that's not a problem, this is okay, right? And I literally use that to help me literally clean off all my Pilates materials, even have a conversation with my instructor and say I will let you know what's going on. I will text you. I didn't hide, okay? I didn't hide. I didn't beat myself up. I didn't like, like, go into this self-loathing, like, see, this is why you shouldn't do this, right? And as much as that was traumatizing, honestly, to me, you guys, that whole process of like having to walk out but also feeling safe in doing it, I said to myself, I'm gonna give myself a week and really work through all the feelings and everything. And I will start Pilates next week, and I went ahead and scheduled it. Years ago, y'all, I can tell you that if that happened to me years ago, I probably wouldn't be back to Pilates for at least a year, if ever. Like, it's literally taking me this long to get to Pilates after this long time, right? And it's because of the self work and the tools that I have learned along this journey that has helped me to tap into the real me, even when things like the what-ifs happen, right? Even being able to soothe and, and process in the moment what was happening and not like push it down. And that is part of the understanding. And this is the part about chronic illness becoming your superpower. I have come to understand that if I don't deal with the things in the moment as much as possible— is it 100%? Do I do it all of the time? No. But as much as possible, my body will take it on, right? It will take the blow. There's a book that says The Body Takes the Blow. Put a link to it in the show notes. It will. And because I am honoring this vessel, this body that I am— I am like who I am, this body— I have to embrace the uncomfortable embarrassment of what this means and work on my nervous system, work on my thoughts in the moment so that I can get to where I want to go ultimately. Right. This is a skill. And honestly, to me, it is a superpower because when you don't live with chronic illness, sometimes we don't recognize how much our bodies are like internalizing all of these things and circumstances that we're experiencing that eventually turn into disease or, or some mental health issues or anything, right? And learning to take that nervous embarrassment energy and learning how to soothe it, to me, is a superpower, right? It means in any other circumstance, like, not in the circumstance where you're in the bathroom and embarrassed by whatever, when you need to speak up for yourself at a doctor's office, when you need to tell a client no, or when you need to increase your prices, or when you need to advocate for a friend or a family member, or when you need to advocate for yourself, the ability to calm your nervous system, to like comfort yourself in a way that you are acknowledging what's happening but still able to move through the situation without beating yourself up, without going into the negative hate-shaming thoughts, is a skill, right? It is a skill, a very intentional skill. And this skill, y'all, is a skill that I use in my life, in my business, in my relationships. And it's a framework. It's honestly a framework that I've created. And it's really the thing that I— it's the framework's called the Real You is what I call it. It's really about you getting good with you. And aligning and being and leveraging all of those different things and embracing everything, like, just in a way that allows you to grow, right? Allows you to make it feel and appear and actually be easier than it is for some, right? And this is why I tell people when they're like, Nikita, you make it look so easy. It's like, first and foremost, I don't want to discount those who this is not easy because it wasn't always easy for me and mostly because nobody was telling me how to do this. Like, nobody told me how to handle this situation, like, in a practical sense of living with chronic illness and trying to be me, right? And this is the thing that I love about what I do and love about working with my clients because That is a skill set that has helped my clients when they are diagnosed with cancer, when their whole family has been hit with COVID or dealing with different health situations that come out of the blue. It, it's the thing that helps them to set their boundaries, to increase their prices, to start a business. All of those different things, this framework has helped them. And I'm so passionate about it because it's not just about business. It's not just about, you know, your creativity. It is about being able to holistically live with chronic pain, chronic illness, disabilities, autoimmune diseases, all of the things in a way that empowers you in the lows and the highs of this journey. So it looks easy, maybe if you watch me or listen to me, but it only has come to be this way because of so many trial and error, so many like coaching calls, so many journals that I have like stacks of, so many different things that it is literally me going back and like processing how am I here today at this place? And that's what I share. That's what I share with my clients using actual science-based, um, tools as well as proven strategies that have not only helped me but helped my clients to live where they are not beating themselves up for being chronic illness warriors and that they have better messaging that they give to themselves, that they do in their business, the things that they say to their body, the way they feel in their body, and the thoughts that they have around all of those things. So when you're ready to step into like not feeling like you're just kind of there, or if you were like me years ago where it's just like, why is this so hard? Why cannot this be a little bit easier? Then you want to get on a call with me. Like, I'm just going to be straight up, you want to get on a sales call with me to learn more about how this doesn't have to be so hard. And how you can look at your body and your business in a way that feels empowering and gives you exactly what you need when it comes to growth as a woman living with chronic pain, chronic illness, and a person and woman living with or wanting to grow their business. If that's something you want, I have a few open spots left, one-to-one.. And I would love to invite you to join me there. There's a link in my show notes for you to book a call. These are no pressure calls, y'all, like none whatsoever. It literally is there because I just so much believe in the framework that has been able to help my clients and help me, like help me for people to say, hey Nikita, how are you doing this and making this look so easy? It's not that it just happened. It was very intentional. Okay. So as always, remember that I love you all and you, yes, you are Crafted to Thrive.

All right, y'all, that's a wrap.

Thank you for listening. And I hope this conversation inspired you. Be sure to visit crafteditothrive.com to check out our show notes, connect with our guests, and grab some of those goodies. Join us for the next episode. And in the meantime, remember, yes, yes, yes, you are Crafted to Thrive.