How to Build a Community While Living with Chronic Illness

All right, you guys, so this episode is specifically for all the ladies out there who are living with multiple chronic illnesses. I am so excited to have Nidhika Chopra on the show. She is the founder of ChronicCon, a media and events company dedicated to elevating the lives of those living with chronic illness. She herself was diagnosed with multiple chronic illnesses around the age of 10 and at the age of 19. She's lived with these chronic illnesses for over 17 years. And for a while there, she allowed those diagnoses to define her life. But in 2010, she decided to take all the lessons from her health journey that she's learned and use it to help others with the creation of her online magazine, Bella Life. And since then, she started on her entrepreneur journey. And Ninika has hosted her own TV talk show on Z Living called Naturally Beautiful and has hosted over 40 events with hundreds of guests in attendance and has created dynamic partnerships with over 150 brands in the wellness space. You guys, Nikita is the champion, if you will, of sharing and being a part of this community of women and people in general living with chronic illness. About 10 years after her first event, Nikita launched ChronicCon in the fall of 2019, which focused on those living with chronic illness. And that event sold out. Can you believe it? There's a whole community of us, right, who have chronic illness that was like, yes, let's go and support this because we understand what that world's like. And now she's super excited to have a digital platform, a digital membership of Chronic Con, which I am a part of. You guys, this intro is a bit longer because I just want you to know how amazing this woman is. She has a podcast called The Point of Pain Podcast, which is available anywhere you want to listen to podcasts. But the beautiful thing about this membership that she's created is that it's for anyone, anyone who's living with a chronic illness, even if those are people who want to support and understand and have a better understanding of what it's like to live with chronic illness. She welcomes them too. I I love this group for myself personally because it's really helped me to like not have to chronic-splain. Yes, I say chronic-splain, which means explain what I mean by my pain and the experiences I have. Like that's a whole different language living with a chronic illness and being able to be a part of a community online that you can go to that space and just share different things. You don't have to explain it because all of us understand has been really amazing. Just having that kind of community. And the other piece to it too is that she offers different events inside of the digital membership that allows you to learn things about your health, like gut health, and recipes, and food, and self-care, and a whole heap of other things. And you get to decide which piece you want to consume, or be a part of, or to give to the community. And that is what I love. So in this episode, Nikita is sharing her journey from, like, where did this idea of having this amazing group come from, and her journey as an entrepreneur in general. So stay tuned for these amazing conversation with Nidhika. Welcome to She's Crafted to Thrive. I'm your host, Nikita Williams, and this show is for all the ladies who are making and creating things that they love. You will hear conversations about the real everyday struggles of juggling life and business while trying to maintain passion and harmony. As women, we have the skill of getting things done, but sometimes we get in our own way It's here where you'll see that you're not alone. You'll discover that success does not mean perfection. Fear and negative thoughts and challenges are all a part of the journey. And on this podcast, you'll find the inspiration and tools you need to have a life and business that thrives. I just want to give a quick shout out to Bonbon55. Yes, I did not make that up, you guys, who left a review for the show. And it says, awesome podcast. I love this podcast. Nikita interviews a diverse group of makers and creators, and her experience is so truly appreciated. Well, Bon Bon, I am just grateful and thankful for you being a loyal listener, and all of you who are listening, if you want to be featured in our next little shout out for reviews from the show, be sure to go to iTunes and leave us a review, and you might be the next one out here being shouted out. Also, if you want to be a part of an amazing community of women who are growing and thriving in their business so that they can build a profitable passion filled and sustainable business, you want to join us inside of She's Crafted Insiders. And you can just go to sheescrafted.com, hit that join the tribe button, and use the coupon code PODCAST in order to get 15% off. So let's hop into this conversation with Nikita. I am so excited to have Nikita on the show. First of all, I think your name is way cooler than my name. I know we literally just changed the two letters, but it sounds so much cooler.

Oh my God, no. I feel like everybody wants my name to be your name. So I just, you know, every day everyone writes me and says Nikita. So you're with me in spirit.

It's so funny. Like, I think when I first started following you on Instagram, I was like, oh my gosh, I never see anyone spell my name like my name, but I've never seen anyone spell it completely different. It doesn't sound anything like my name. So I'm like, I love it. Totally. I'm so excited that you're here because your journey with chronic illness and just being so open has been like one of those things as a chronic illness person myself that I've always followed because it's like, oh my goodness, what is this person doing? Where is she? Where is she going in life? I, you know, I want to get connected with her because as living with a chronic illness and running a business I've always thought, man, am I the only one trying to do this? Am I the only one trying to figure out how to manage life and the ups and downs and the flare-ups while, you know, running a business? And I always feel like you come across so honest and authentic, and I just am so glad that one, you started Chronic Con, and that way we could connect, and you know, that you've just been so open with, with your story.

Thank you so much. That means a lot to me. You know, when you start sharing your story, which I know you can probably relate to, you just start kind of like, is anyone gonna resonate with this? Like, is this gonna matter? Is this like, should I be doing this? So anytime I hear that it's helped anyone, it just, it really, really matters to me. So thank you for that.

Well, I wanna, you know, jump right in and ask you a couple of questions. What made you decide to do Chronic Con? Like, I know that you are a woman of many talents, but what was it that propelled you or pulled you to doing Chronicón?

Yeah, I mean, I think it's a lot of different things. I think, you know, my own life experience, obviously, like I've had psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis for 30 years now. And that's a huge part of it. Just knowing that I could have really used something like Chronicón for my— the younger version of myself. Like, I wish she had had that. And even, you know, now as, as almost being 40 years old, like, I think it's gonna help. So it's already helped me so much to be like in the community and be able to be in this conversation. But I think there was a specific moment that really changed things for me. I had been creating content and, you know, had done my own talk show and had been working and talking to people about self-love and beauty and all those different things. And it had been really fun, but not as meaningful as I had really hoped. Like, I wanted my career to be— I didn't start creating content or doing media because I like wanted to fill my ego. I did it because I was like, oh, I have this skill that like maybe that skill can help me get the messages out that I want to get out, you know?

Right, right.

And then yeah, and like, it kind of happened in a, in a slow of evolution, I guess, like over time. And in 2017, I went through a really bad breakup and I was sort of— I felt really lost and I was like really confused about what I was meant to be doing with all the things I'd been trying to do for so long. And I started like a chronic illness Facebook group and just sort of put a little feeler out there to see if things, you know, if people cared about the conversation. And then You know, over time, I just started talking to people about it more and more. And in the fall of 2018, I ended up going to CurvyCon, which I don't know if you've been there or heard of it, but a friend of mine was working with a brand and like modeling for it. And so she was like, just come with me. I was like, okay. And so I went and, you know, was just really impressed with the women who started CurvyCon, you know, two Black women who were just like, killing it. And I was so inspired by them. And then I also just walked around CurvyCon and I was looking at everyone and I was just like, these voluptuous women are not being asked to change one thing about them. I like get emotional thinking about it. But I'm just like, wow, they, they're not being asked to change who they are. They're not being asked to shrink in any way, right? Whether it's internally or externally. They are being revered for exactly who they are. They are being celebrated for exactly who they are. And I was literally walking around CurvyCon and I was just like, what would it be like for someone with a chronic illness to feel this way?

Yeah.

And I started, you know, and I started to think about it and I, I was just like, oh my God, I could— the first thing, I don't know why, but I think because getting pedicures when I was really sick, like, and had a lot of psoriasis, like it was always really hard for me because my skin, you know, So the first thing I thought of was like, oh, we could have like a pedicure station. And they would be like, bring that, like, bring that flaky psoriasis over here. We got a scrub for that, girl. Don't worry about it. We got you. And like, it would just be like, so like a celebration, you know, and not wanting me to be anything other than I am. And I was literally walking around CurvyCon and I was like, what would it be called though? And I just started, like saying the names like chronic illness, something or chronic chronic on. No, like, there has to be a chronic on already. Like there has to, you know, and I, it's one of those moments, I am such a spiritual, you know, God-led person. And it was one of those moments where I felt like God and I were just like chit-chatting. And I was just like, hey, God, like, Really? Are you sure? And then the thing that most people don't know is that for the next 6 months, I was like irritated at God about this dream, about this vision. Yeah, I was because God and I are real close, you know. So like, I'll just tell him like it is, you know, for me, God is a male figure in my life. But whatever it is for you is great. And I was just like, okay, God, This is great and everything that you want me to like start this empire to like help people with chronic illnesses. I have no venture capital money. I don't have a trust fund. Like, how the flip do you expect me to do this? Like, I was mad about it and I was just like, you gotta— I— and I literally would stand there with like my hands, my arms crossed, being like, if you're gonna give me this idea— and I said this exact thing to God— if you're gonna give me this idea, you better show up with a lot of resources. Because I, I will not make myself sick to try to make other people well, you know. And so anyway, so that was, that was the, the real start to Chronic Con that, you know, I've been reflecting on a lot lately. It's been coming up for me a lot lately that that was the moment that I decided to do it.

Yeah, I think those moments are really cool. They're also really scary. Like you were saying, like you think Wait, wait, wait, what? I feel like I hear you're like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Are you sure? Or wait a minute. Is this really possible? Is this really what I should be doing? I think that happens to all of us in so many different ways. Do you feel that you were ready for that? Like, like in the sense of, hey, yeah, I'm ready to put myself out there and share everything about my chronic life as well. That means I have to get really emotionally tied to this business because I feel like it's not just a— it's not about makeup and hair, and it's about like this struggle, this part of you that you've learned to thrive with. So how did you feel about that?

Yeah, I mean, the short answer to your question is like, did I feel ready? I rarely feel ready, to be honest with you. I'm usually just like, okay, here we go. All right, this is what we're doing. Okay, that's interesting. I thought I was like 5 years away from doing something like that. Okay, so we're doing it today. Are you sure? Okay, this is, you know, that's like, that's usually how it goes for me. But I know that I was ready. And like, especially now in hindsight, looking back, even just the last year, It's been about 11 years that I've been creating content and hosting events. My first thing that I ever did for my business was December 2009. I hosted a vision board party with like 8 girlfriends in my friend's living room. And I had never hosted an event before in my life, you know, and obviously it wasn't like the size of events that I do now. But that grew to, you know, I think 6 months later, I had my first like in-person, like larger event, you know, at a salon in the Lower East Side in Manhattan. And then I had paid events soon after that. And it did, it started. And then I ended up having events called Self-Love Celebrations with like 250 people, and people would show up and they would sell out, and it was really fun. And I would produce it all myself, and I would get sponsors, and I would do all of this stuff by myself. And So I, in terms of like the skillset, I think I've had to really honor that I have been in school, like in life school for this for years, which is a practice, right? Because as like women of color, like we're definitely not taught that we have value in that way, I think. And so I've had to really like just get real with myself and be like, no, You've been doing video and like being a spokesperson and doing all of this event, you know, coordination and sponsorship and sales and marketing and, you know, content creation for 11 years. Like, this isn't something that you just like woke up and decided to do all of a sudden. So I think I've had to really own that I am ready. But I think the emotional part of sharing my story, that's like still really hard, honestly. And it's hard for different reasons. Like, I think now I have confidence that like it does really help people when I do it. So I think that like, I really mean it, it gives me so much fuel. Like anytime I get a message from someone that is like, you know, I didn't know that other people were dealing with this. And I'm sure you get this all the time. It's just like You know, and especially as women of color, like for me in the Indian community, I get so many Indian girls that are just like, are me, like we're the same, like they, like their parents are saying the same thing to them that my parents said to them, you know. And again, like this stuff makes me so emotional, but it's true. It's just like, and I had no one to talk to about this when I was going through all of that. So emotionally it's still really hard. But it's really rewarding, like on a level that I'm grateful for every day. I didn't know that this level of feeling this rewarded by my work was even possible. And I feel like we're still just beginning in so many ways. But yeah, it's been, it's been really a special journey for sure.

Okay, so you have totally hit on all the things, right? Like, so I can relate to you so much with this because I started this podcast not— has nothing to do, had nothing to do with chronic illness or owning that and living with that or life hurdles just in general, right? It started off as wanting it to be a place that women could come to and listen to and feel inspired that, you know, even though sometimes we get in our own way and we kind of allow other people to get in our own way, we can still thrive, right? And The moment, just like you said, the moment you started sharing those little pieces about yourself, the women coming out of the woodwork. That's what I felt like. I was like, wait, what? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's so affirming. It's so affirming. And it's powerful to me. It's been a healing process of learning more about myself and seeing that, man, for the years that I was being gaslit by all the doctors and even sometimes family and friends that You know what? I am not the only woman that has experienced this. And for me, seeing women like you and other women just in general who are embracing their story of the struggle and still showing up is one of the biggest things. I wish I had that when I first got my diagnosis in 2009. While you were having your vision board parties, I was getting the news that, hey, you have this incurable thing that's just you're just supposed to live with, you know. So has it been that for you? Has it been affirming and healing?

Yeah, it honestly is every day. And I think, you know, it's part of the push-pull, honestly, a little bit about being a business owner. Because, you know, with Chronic Con, we did our first live event in 2019, which was so successful. And it was something I'm just always going to be so proud of, you know, I was approached by a huge company that like wanted to buy ChroniCon from me, like before we even launched the actual event. And I didn't end up doing it because I felt like they wanted to sell us, like our community to pharma. And I was like, no, not, I love these people too much. Like I'm not doing that. But it was a huge deal and we sold out and had thousands of people livestream and it was just out of an idea and a passion that I had, you know? So that was so powerful, but then Obviously, the pandemic hit, and I had to, like, reevaluate, rework, like, just reassess everything. And, you know, as you know, we launched the Chronic On community, and that's been like such a thing. Thank you. It's been such a joy, you know, and it's— but what I guess bringing it up is really about, like, acknowledging that it is this push-pull, because I personally, as a human, as really a spiritual being. It's like I could just be in there with the, you know, 90 people that we have in the community right now and just be like loving up on all of us and, and just be so happy just living in there for like the rest of my life. I really feel like I could totally, because there's so much happening in there and I really feel like we're actually helping people. Like, that's the end result that's so important to me. And it's also so much fun, which I do. And I know your brand is so fun and vibrant too. And I feel like that's just not what people show in the chronic illness world, right? So the push-pull is like, I, as, as Nikita Williams, could totally just be happy just with that. Like, that's huge to me, you know? And then there's this other part that's like, okay, I want us to have like a huge footprint in the media. I want us to have a huge footprint in the economy. I want us to be marketed to. I see just actually very similarly to what the curvy industry did and how no one was talking to curvy people and they were sort of like in the corner, like, oh, you're over there, like, you don't care about lipstick and jeans and like looking cute and like whatever, which is like the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life, right? Doesn't make actual sense at all. But that is how they were treated. You don't deserve to be on the covers of magazines. You're curvy, you're done, basically.

Yeah.

And that is what people do with people who are chronically ill as well. They're like, oh, you got a diagnosis? Cool. You're over there with the sick people, right? And you don't care about jewelry or like looking, you know, your most beautiful self, or you don't care about, you know, taking awesome classes and like learning new languages or traveling the world, or— right, you don't care about that. You're just a sick person now. And I am like, absolutely freaking not. You have no idea what we're capable of. You have no idea how strong we are. And we are almost half the population of the United States. Do you have any idea what kind of an economy we could be in charge of if you actually marketed to us? If you had, you know, apps that were dedicated to people that were living with chronic illnesses, if you had workout classes and clothing and makeup and all of these things that were centered around our life experience. Do you have any idea what you're missing out on by treating us like we are othered and like we don't matter? Oh, just you wait. Just you wait. Nikita Williams and I are about to show you.

Okay.

That's, that's where all this comes from. I mean, I'm very sure that I totally veered off of your original question. But that's, that's where this passion comes from. You know, it's so much bigger. It's like, it's just, it's not about just this community or just this moment. It's about shifting culture, you know, shifting, shifting the way people think about us and our community. And in a lot of ways, I feel like we don't even have like a community yet, right? Like, you have a community with your people, I have a community with my people, but where are we all coming together? And I just think that there's just so much value that we can add to the world if people actually started taking our life experience and our superpowers of living with the pain we have to live with seriously. I think your original question was, is this rewarding? And yes, it is. To answer that, it's incredibly rewarding, and I can't stop.

I love it. I was like, I was thinking like, when someone asked me that question, you just can't help but just talk about it and be so excited because For so long, it was almost like you were shamed. I call it the— for me, it used to be the endometriosis, like the endo shame. Like, you would tell people, oh, even with your friends and your family, you would say, like, oh, yeah, I can't go because it's a really bad day, or I'm feeling bad. Or they'd be like, oh, yeah, that's— yeah, you have that. Like, you know, almost like that. And not that the majority of my family or friends did that. It's just they're like, oh, again. Like, it's this pity thing. And it's like, well, it's not a pity thing. It's just this is my life. And I know how I need to run it and then being able to share that with other people who understand. So we were doing an event at ChronicCon online and I think one of the girls was like, I just love showing up to share and say words and I don't have to explain them. Like, I don't have to explain that, oh yeah, I had this flare-up and I was gaslit and all those different conversations that people are like, what are you talking another language right now? Like, what are you saying? And so being in a part of a community like that, it just makes it feel so much more normal that, hey, everybody has something. And I always tell people who don't live with a chronic illness, I'm like, you have life hurdles that might be so chronically in your body and in your situation of life that could be in comparison to someone who has a chronic illness. It doesn't mean you're less than or you are incapable. You're probably more capable because of the fact that you have those things going on. So I love that you're so passionate about that because that's honestly you know, why people are so like connected and flock to you. I think it's just that you completely embrace that, like, hey, we might have stuff going on, but we are really cool and really amazing and really determined to do whatever it is that we want to do. There was a girl or a guy in a Facebook group, and I want to get your opinion about this because I'm sure you would tell me. And I was like, yeah. So they were talking about niches and things like that for a business. And I was like, oh, I love helping creative women. Who have a chronic illness, you know, run their business in the way that they love and get out of their own way. And the gentleman said, oh, that's such a small niche. That's like not—

Oh, he did not.

Yes, he did. And I was like, I was looking at it and I was trying to think how I was going to respond. But there's no— like, there were so many words that came up that me to even spend the energy to say it to him was like, I'm just gonna leave that because I can't. Mm-mm. And that's it. That's the thing that I think a lot of people don't realize is that we don't know how many people are actually are living with a chronic illness that have not been reported. You're— I think you've said 133 million people have a chronic illness, but that's who we know. There are so many women and men who have something that's undiagnosed and they don't know. So what would you say to those ladies and gentlemen who are like, oh, that's so small. What's the big deal? Like, what is it?

Yeah, bless his heart. I mean, that's the first, first thing. Oh, bless you. I almost, you know, I think sometimes, especially if I don't know you, if you're in my family, I might feel differently because, you know, we think we're all enlightened until we go spend time with our family. But, you know, if I don't know you, I can more easily like switch to a place of compassion. And so I think, you know, it would almost make me laugh and just be like, "Oh, that's really— I get that that's what you've been told and that we have systems in place to hide those of us who are chronically ill and we have systems in place to totally diminish our life experience and make us feel like we're not worthy and that we're completely irrelevant, actually. But you would be mistaken." Because we are— that's why I feel, I feel bad for the people who follow me and like watch my stories regularly because I say that number over and over and over and over again. And I will not stop saying that number until the, you know, National Health Council updates the number. And then I say the new number over and over and over again. Because I think that for some people, they need the number, they need a number to be able to register and click. That it's not a small group of people. And I always accompany that with exactly what you said, which is that, you know, these are the people that we know of, and that number was based on 2019. And they also were expecting that the number would arise. This is before the pandemic. The National Health Council reported that the number was 133 million in 2019, and they expected the number to rise to 156 million 7 million by the end of 2020. And that was before they knew about the pandemic, right? So now it's, I mean, we're going to be at 200 million before we know it, I'm sure. And also, like, as you said, there are so many people in marginalized communities that can't afford healthcare, that can't even get to the doctor. There's so many people who have been gaslit and not believed, like There's so many stories that we hear all the time. There's so many people who have fear around going to the doctor and don't want to go and don't want to get themselves checked out. So there's so many different layers to why somebody won't have a diagnosis. There's so many different circumstances to that, but there are millions of people out there who do not have diagnosis, like I— who have not been diagnosed. I even know people in my family where I'm just like, I bet you anything if this person went to the doctor, they would find out that they have like a gastrointestinal something or they have, you know, whatever. And they just don't want to. They just don't want to, you know, they'd be— they're much happier pretending like it's not happening, you know. And so, yeah, so I think to that person, you know, or to anyone who's like, oh, that's cute. Like, you're going to talk to those few people. Yeah, I think that's where my fire comes from. I think that's where my rage comes from. Honestly, women are not taught that we're allowed to have rage. I am completely okay with having rage for people who are chronically ill. Like, I— sign me up for that rage. Yeah, you know, like, that is righteous, justified, like, on-purpose rage. And I think the time for us to be like cute, sweet, proper women is just— leave that. Yeah, leave that in my mom's generation and my grandmother's generation. God bless you for all being so proper and put together for so long. I am over it, and it's not— this is not how we're gonna move forward. So yeah, so I just think when people say that, and again, I think that's why I say the number so often, is I try to like preemptively be like, don't even try to come with me, come to me with, we're just a few people, because here's the facts. Right?

Right.

Yeah.

I mean, it's a, it's a really crazy thing. Because I think, I don't know, I think we're still breaking that. Let's talk about it thing. Like, so I mean, I don't, I honestly don't know a lot of women who are like, from a business standpoint that are like, yeah, I mean, I support creative people totally and completely, but I really resonate and I feel like there's a different way you have to run your business when you have a chronic illness. And there's a lot more grace and a lot more mindsets, specifically mindsets to kind of get over or work through or to really be honest with yourself in order to run a business successfully. So for you, has there been like a mindset that you're like, oh my gosh, I mean, you've been doing this for so long, you've been doing this while living with chronic illness, what are some things that you feel like can help someone to kind of manage those waters of ups and downs and flares? And can I be there? Can I not be there? Because I don't know about you, I'm speaking for myself, that having a group of women that I support and share, I feel sometimes even for myself, like, oh my gosh, but what if I can't show up? That's always a question. Like, I have a membership of amazing creative women, but I might not feel well enough to show up today. And so how have you managed that throughout your years of, you know, doing what you do so well?

Yeah, I mean, I have that fear too, for sure. I mean, especially in starting the Chronic Con community, you know, we're doing like, I mean, and when I say we, it's me and then the beautiful speakers that I have. Like, you spoke at one of our events earlier in December. And, and yeah, and I think I fear that too. Like, I, you know, I'm so grateful that I've been okay and And I've been able to do it so far, but we do like 6 to 8 events a month now. And, and I love it. Like, I have so much fun doing it. But I'm human. And I know that my chronic illness has taken me out before. So like, what's to say that it's not going to take me out again? I can't predict that. But I think in the past, what has really helped me probably the most like navigate my health and my work is, is pretty early on, I had to acknowledge that my rhythm is going to be— my rhythm for success is going to be different than other people's. And, and that was really hard to come to terms with, to be honest with you. And sometimes it still is, like in launching Chronicon. You know, there was a lot of pressure, mostly internally, because I have a lot of really successful, beautiful, powerful friends, you know, that are like launching apps and getting like millions of dollars from VCs and like launching makeup brands and launching all these things. And they're getting, you know, such of these like flashy, successful entrepreneurs, and they're getting all these investments, and they're running around and doing 1,000 things. And I do a lot. It's not that I don't, but I have a limit. You know, and I'll sometimes be on the phone with one of these really successful friends. And they'll start telling me the 20 things that I can do to like take my business to the next level. And I'll just be like, I'm sorry, I'm not available. I don't, I don't have that right now, you know, and I'll have to really stand firm in what I know I can do. And it's honestly really hard. Like, it took me a long time to not be self-conscious about that. And not like beat myself up and say like, what's wrong with you? Like, why aren't you taking 50 meetings this week instead of 10? Or, you know what I mean? Like, is that what other people are doing? Like, right? Why aren't you doing that? And like, you know, and get that conversation out of my head that I was being lazy, you know, and like a lot of times my days, especially when I'm going through a physically hard time, my work days would look like, you know, like work in the morning for sure, but like taking like a lot of Netflix breaks and like just letting myself like veg out and watch TV in the middle of the day and then picking back up maybe like at 4 o'clock or something when I've, you know, restored a little bit and then be like, okay, I can work for like 2 more hours or 90 more minutes. And get as much as I can done in that, in that time. And, and then, you know, go to sleep, like kind of rest early and be okay with that. And I think also figuring out like, what are the non-negotiable things that I have to do with that has also been really helpful. Like I, because I just put so much pressure on myself, like, oh, you said you were going to do this thing. So you have to do it right now. Like, why, you know, why wouldn't you do that? And I had to over time just sort of realize like, okay, you said you were going to do this thing. But this person never said that you have to do this thing on this day. Otherwise, the world is going to come to an end.

Oh my gosh.

Like how I—

you have just said— yeah, I mean, you totally have said it. Yes, I have totally done that. Yes.

Yeah. And I have to— I mean, we're high-performing individuals, right? We want a lot for ourselves and we want a lot for the communities that we serve, and it matters to us. So it's also like honoring that, like, that's a beautiful thing, you know, it doesn't make you a bad person that like you want to achieve at that level. I think I had to also bring a lot of self-compassion in, you know, and even like the last couple of weeks, you know, I've just had a lot of like brand partnerships and events and takeovers and press stuff that I'm just trying to like get as many people to learn about ChronicCon as possible. And I'm a one-person team. Like, I don't have a team. So it's, it's a lot for me to take on. And I've had to email brands and say like, hey, I really hit a creative wall today. I know I was supposed to get this to you today. I respect and honor our work so much, but I can't do this till Monday. Like, I need my body to like rest and get back to normal before I can execute this, like, you know, Instagram Reel that you want me to do about my hair or like whatever it is, you know, like, I just, I just need, I just need a minute. And I honestly don't think I would have ever done that when I was younger, like starting out as much because it did feel so like, you know, all or nothing. But what I've also learned about the all or nothing thing is that it's really based on a scarcity mindset. It's, it's really based on if I don't do everything perfectly, I'm going to have nothing.

Right.

And at least when it comes to work, right? And so, or even with relationships, you could probably say that too. But it is, it is that like, if I don't do everything perfectly, I'm gonna have nothing. And what I had to realize, which again, bringing God into the conversation, because I always do, and whatever your beliefs are perfect, I definitely don't push my beliefs on anyone. But for me, it's always been like, you know, creativity is a universe energy. It's the spiritual energy. It comes from a part of ourselves that is divine, you know, whatever you think of the divine in your life. And maybe it's that love energy. It's, it's powerful. And so for me to be so arrogant as a human to think that I am doing everything on my own, that like there's no, no universe energy or God guiding me, that I don't have any support from angels or ancestors or whatever you want to say, is actually like in real disservice to the greater mission that I'm here to fulfill. So I think I had to do a lot of work around that too and just say like, okay, in those moments when I am struggling, like how can I remember that I'm not doing this by myself even though I'm a team of one? Like, you know, so yeah, so all of those different things have kind of added up to me finding my own rhythm for success, for sure.

I am so thankful that you answered that question the way you just did, because I think on top of being chronically ill, as women, we're not really given that grace in general, right? It's like we're grown up in this world where it's like, you have to— you always have to be good. Like, you always have to— like, don't tell somebody that, you know, you're having the worst cramps of your life and you're leaving work early. Like, don't tell anybody that. Like, just make up some other thing. Like, I have to go take care of something else. And you're really, like, dying in pain, but it's your body who's, like, killing you. And so I think as a generational thing, it's definitely— like, I've had conversations with my mom where I'm like, yeah, but that doesn't help me. That doesn't help me. It makes it— it takes away from the strength and the times that we all have to say, you know what, I need to allow my body this time because I cannot do what Miss Sally Sue can do. I can't do with Jessica over here. I can't. We all have our very different places of what we can do. And I think in general, those society has taught us that we always have to be on. Like, you better not tell people what's going on in your life. And if things are hard, just show up. Like, just show up because that's what you're supposed to do. And it's interesting that part of that is about awareness about yourself and what you can physically do, right? And I think it's so nice that you said you've had to figure out how to find your rhythm, like your groove. And I think all of the ladies who listen to my show who have those friends who do not have chronic illness and they get on a phone call and they're like, oh, you could do all these things. And you get off and you're like, oh my gosh, I'm not doing enough. Right? Like, I'm not doing enough. And it's like, no, you're doing everything you can while being graceful to yourself. And I think that's so powerful of like— like everyone needs to know that for themselves, for sure.

Yeah. And I think it's a really great opportunity to advocate for yourself. You know, like, I have one friend who's like a marketing genius. And every time I talk to her about the Chronic Con community, she's always like, well, you know, you can just invest like $10,000 or whatever it is and like spend, you know, this money on getting advertising and getting people to know about Chronic Con. And I was like, you know, I understand that that's a thing people do. I understand that like it really works for some people. I also like I— whenever you say that to me, it's actually not helpful because I'm not in a position to invest that right now, you know. And so it doesn't make me feel empowered to feel like I can go do that because, okay, you said that like 5 times now. Like, I need you to come up with another option that is like, you know, like, or whatever. So, and it's, it's, it's uncomfortable, you know, it's uncomfortable because I think people also, like, they want to be heard, they want to feel valuable, you know, they're trying to take care of you, they're not trying to make you feel bad, right? So for us to sort of be like, that doesn't actually help me, like you were saying that you've done with your mom, like, it's uncomfortable because you're not trying to make them feel bad, you know, but it's like that human interaction is sort of set up the way that when we stand up for ourselves, the other person feels like they've been shamed or doing something wrong. So it's like the more we get used to that, you know, I think it's, it's really important. And I think that that then leads into our relationships with our doctors, as I'm sure you've talked about so many times, and like our relationships with, you know, our romantic partners, like when we need, you know, help because we're having a flare, like, this is what I need. Like, when you try to fix me, that actually makes me feel like crap. Like, can you please do this? You know, like, Yeah. All those different layers. It's all part of it. And I think, I think all humans need that skill, but I think when you have a chronic illness, it's just, it's that much more present, you know, in your life on a day-to-day basis.

I definitely agree. So I know you talked a little bit about mindset in the sense of that's like a scarcity place. Thinking, you know, I can do all this. If I don't do all this, I'm not gonna get to wherever it is that I need to go. Has there been any like mindsets that you've had to kind of really work on as a person to get to where you are right now? Because obviously we're always working on our mind, mind thoughts and things that we're thinking about. But has there been one particular thing for you that you've struggled with that you're still learning to give grace to?

Yeah, I mean, honestly, I've mentioned it a few times already, like being a solo founder, and not necessarily having— I have a lot of privilege in my life, which I'm very aware of. But there's certain privileges that I don't have, you know, and whether that's like my unlimited physical resources because of my health, or it's, you know, my financial resources, like I'm really bootstrapping and figuring everything out as I go along. I've really had to evaluate and it's come up for me a lot this year, like like, one of my friends said to me, you know, whenever you say that you're a solo founder, you always say it like it's a detriment. You know, like, like, oh my god, it's just me, like, how awful, like that I didn't like that I don't have a co-founder or that I don't have a major investor or whatever. And so she was just like, you know, it's freaking remarkable that you're a solo founder. And it really is, you know, And so, so as you can see, because I've already mentioned it a few times today, like, that's one that I'm constantly like trying to check myself about. And I feel myself stepping into it a little bit more and more like as I own why I'm doing this and how grand and how large I feel like the spaces that we deserve to take up. I'm stepping into it more and more. But I think that's one that I've really been working on because I think I think it is part of that lack or part of that, you know, I see other people doing it in a certain way. Or, you know, there's just certain things that I don't understand. Like sometimes we'll be on like a community event. And I'm just like, I don't know how to share my screen on Zoom. I've never done this before. And I just learned, like, you know, everything I do is— I mean, now I know how to share my screen on Zoom. When I first did it, I was like, on a live event in like the community Q&A, you know, and I was just like, my God, I cannot believe this. I don't have a tech person. And that's probably the one person in my work life that I wish I had was like a tech guru who could figure out all the funnels and all the things and the systems and all. And I'm just like, I don't have that. So I think I'm really practicing stepping into you know, the power of being a woman of color, you know, single-owned founder. As a single woman who's about to be 40, like, I'm just like, okay, this is actually a big deal. But, but at the same time, I think I really, I struggle to do that. It's something I'm still growing into for sure.

First and foremost, I would never think that, like, what, like, I would never think that that's a thing. Like, whenever I see you, it's so like so very confident and like you have an army with you. Like it never feels like you are like just, you know, working this out. And I just think that's amazing because even though you yourself are thinking or feeling that, it does not come across that way at all. Like I was telling my husband about the group and I was like, yeah, I love that it's growing slowly in the sense of like you are feeling like you're connecting with the community on a different level. And it's not just like a free-for-all and everybody's just jumping in. It's nice because I mean, honestly, if you have a chronic illness, that's probably the— like, I don't know about everybody else, but when the pandemic hit, I was like, whoo, we all can slow down a minute and I don't have to feel like I'm running the race for whatever it is I'm trying to get to. So I mean, you show up to me as a person that it's like you are armed with people and you are. And that's the other thing I just want to mention to you only because you said it, is that even as a solo entrepreneur, you have so many people in your corner. That I have heard that is like, have you checked out Nikita? And, you know, just listening to you and you're all over the place when it comes— when I'm looking or Googling anything about self-love or chronic illness, like you're there. And so you have an army of people that are talking for you and sharing your world and your story. And even though you might be in the, like, in the Zoom trying to figure out how to share your screen, you know, you have miss, you know, some amazing woman over here who's talking you up like you're, like, you are amazing. So I think we all kind of do that, especially if we have like our own businesses and we're like, oh my gosh, I'm the only person trying to juggle all of these things. And it feels like it's harder than anything, but people are like, but you're, you know, you're great. So I just wanted to say that because I do, I'm like, I never would think of you as like dredging. I do hear it now that you're saying it, like, yeah, I'm a solopreneur. Yeah. But yeah.

And I, I I so appreciate that. I so appreciate that so much. Because I think that was sort of the turning point for me and wanting to do better with that, that voice in my head of like, thinking that I'm alone, because I do see everyone showing up for me. And even like my friends who have conversations with me about what's going on and how much they believe in me. And, you know, yesterday I did like a takeover for HelloGiggles on their Instagram. And there were so many people from our community that like were messaging HelloGiggles like, "Yes, you've got representation. Like, we're so happy to see Nikita." And I was like, "Oh my God, all of you are amazing." And just like sharing the feature that they wrote and like all of this stuff, 'cause I really don't feel like it's about me. I feel like it's for all of us. Like it's definitely a community. And so I wanna honor all of those people who are sharing and showing up and supporting me and loving me. By acknowledging and believing that they're there. I think it's just, I think it's more of like a generational thing, you know, like my parents, my parents are immigrants, and I'm first-generation Indian. And I just feel like there was, it's not even about so much about the lived experience that I'm having now. But it's, it's an ingrained, you know, immigrant mentality of we're here alone. We're doing everything alone. Everything is so hard. Like, things are stacked against you. Like, that is just so ingrained in the way that my family system, and I know a lot of immigrant family systems, have been brought up and raised. And so I've really felt like, you know, and I don't know, like, how deep to go here, but I really felt like the birth of ChronicCon and the ChronicCon community especially has felt personally like I'm trying to rewire generational programming. Like, it is just like, yes, true.

I'm like, I'm just like sitting here. I'm like, well, it is. It totally, it totally completely is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think where that lack or that scarcity comes from, it almost sometimes feels like it's not even mine. It's like I'm just fighting against it every day and just being like, no, like, we can do hard things. We are allowed to be seen. We are allowed to have a voice. We are We are allowed to have rage. We are allowed to express ourselves and we aren't in it alone. You know, it's like my soul knows that, but my ancestors don't fully believe it yet. Does that make sense?

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah, it's kind of like, it's kind of like in the sense of like, I think we, I think we like, if we look at our own journey with chronic illness, right? Like, so I think I've listened to an episode with you when you were talking about, on your show, The Point of Pain, when you were talking about your own experience of acupuncture. And you were talking about that and how, like, for— was it 6 months or a year? You just put your body through this thing. Like, you were forcing and willing your body to be better. And I was like, oh my gosh. I think every person who has a chronic illness at some point has had those points where they're like, you know what, I'm going to try all the things. I'm going to do all the things. I'm going to go to all the doctors. I'm going to eat the right things. You're doing all the things, right? And you still have a chronic illness at the end of it, right? It doesn't go away. And for years you might be angry and then almost you get into this complacent place where it's just like, well, my life sucks. So this is what's going on until you have have some kind of thing, right? There's always like— I feel like there's always a jump-off point somewhere where you realize, you know what, I don't have to feel like— I don't have to look at my body this way. I don't have to think about my body this way. And I think for, for me, I don't necessarily think I have a pinpoint. I think there were multiple things along the way that just finally one day I was like, you know what, no. And I think it was after like a really one of those like prayers that you're just like bawling and you're just like you don't even know how to say the words or what the words you're saying. And then after this, you get this peace and calm. And then it's like you've accepted where you are and what's going on. But then you've also embraced the fact that you have so much more to give. And I think with you saying that, it's just like all of us have experienced that, like something where you're just kind of willing it to happen, right? You're willing it to happen. Regardless of what's happening and you embrace it. At some point you just embrace it. So it is what it is. And I'm like, totally. I just love that you shared that with us. So are there any tools or tips or things that you use in your life to help you manage, you know, that work-life harmony? I don't like to say balance too much because I don't really honestly think we can put our lives on scales and they equal out, but more like how are things working together to keep you, you know, at a place that you feel good.

I really like that, you know, that reframe from balance to harmony, because I do think that it is a harmony in, in my life. And I think the biggest thing has always been, you know, getting to know my center and who I am so well that I know how to take care of myself, you know. And so I think that's And I think that's the piece sometimes people don't always think about. They're just like, oh, well, this person said I should be drinking this juice or I should be doing this meditation or I should be doing this thing. And so, okay, I'll try it. And then, like, it doesn't necessarily make sense for you or you don't really feel different or great, or maybe it even hurts you, like, you know, if you're physically not feeling great that day. So I think the first part of my journey has always been like, Okay, how can I get to know myself well enough so that I know how to show up for myself? And after doing years of that, I think I have just, you know, a handful of tools that I know. My work really genuinely fuels me so much. It makes me so happy. It's where I am the most creative. It doesn't feel— I mean, especially the community, like the first few days, and I still feel this way, but like the first few days of starting the community, I was like, is this really happening? Like, I get to just like, hang out with all these amazing people all day and like make content and like host events. And this is so fun. And I would just do this all day, every day. I cannot— I like, it was a pinch me moment for me, honestly. And I still feel that way. And so that, that is something that I honor, right? I really honor the fact that sometimes if I'm feeling stagnant energy, like, it's fun for me to get out my notebook and just start writing out like video ideas or like, oh, this person, like, I noticed this person would be cool for an event, or let's talk about this next time, or just brainstorm and like have fun with it. And I think sometimes that is really great because there's no forced outcome that you're trying to achieve. You're not trying to like make money off of it. You're not trying to worry about anything. You're just allowing yourself to dream, which I think a lot of people forget to do. And then there's simple things like I've been singing my whole life pretty much. And it's something that I heard this in a book recently, and I need to go back and remember the exact quote. But it was like, it was something about how music, like specifically, is, is a direct connection to spirit. Like, there is something about song and music that connects you to something higher than just just a human being talking, you know. And I clearly need to find the quote because I'm butchering it, but you get the point. So, but I've always felt that even before I knew what that was. I used to always say when I was younger that singing was the thing that made me feel like I was holding God's hand. And it genuinely felt like that and still does. And it's not because I sound like an angel or something. It's just like genuinely what I feel in my body. And so a lot of times I'll take singing breaks like throughout the day and I'll just like sing a song or two like walking around my apartment and like maybe picking up a few things or, you know, that's really fun. And I also find like, like tools and things like that that are free that are accessible no matter where you're at with your pain that day. You know, there were years of my life where I was immobile because of my arthritis. And so like, I had to figure out how to do things that I could do from my bed. And so, you know, so things like that are really helpful. And then also just like finding things that add levity to my day. So whether that's like, I love my friends, you know, I've got such beautiful relationships with, with my friends. And so like calling a friend and making it a point to check in on people, FaceTime. And then when I was really sick and going through a really hard time, I would often find like a series on like YouTube that was like funny videos, or I love watching like the Dodo on Instagram, like the animal videos are, they're so depressing and also so uplifting at the same time. Like it's just so emotional. So lots of tools, but like they're all very light and easy and things that you might already do. But I think the point is like getting them into a rotation where they're constantly something that you go to and you don't let yourself sit in the discomfort or the anxiety or the, you know, friction that you might be feeling inside longer than you need to. Sometimes you need to sit there, but other times you can go for something that makes you feel a little better.

It adds some kind of level of peace and just you feel at ease with it. And it is such a gift that we all have that I don't think we all appreciate it. And not all of us sound great. Like, I am— like, not everybody sounds amazing, but if it makes you feel good, go right ahead and do it, you know? So I love that, that it— I love that you're tools for yourself. And I think that's always important to find out what works for you, like what makes you work and feel happy and feel good even when you're not feeling good, you know? So yeah, because we all hate it when the friends call us and tell us, oh, so-and-so told me about this cure and they did it. And you're like, yeah, no, not going there. So I love that. So tell everyone how they can find you. Obviously, we know we can find you on everything, but just remind us again.

Sure. Yeah. Well, I hope you come find me at the Chronic On community, but you can check us out at thechroniconcommunity.com. And you also can follow me on Instagram @nidhikachopra, not Nikita, but @nidhikachopra. And of course @chroniconofficial is our Chronic Con Instagram. We'd love to spend some time with you. That'd be awesome.

And that's a wrap. I love this conversation with Nidhika. She was so honest and open. So many great tips around how to embrace your journey if you're a chronic illness warrior, how to really lean into what works for you and to get to know yourself that well enough that you can speak up and advocate for yourself with friends, family, doctors, whoever, wherever. This was such a great conversation. I want everyone to know that whatever you have going on in your life, if you want to start a business, start a business. If you want to make a change, make a change. You have all the tools you need to do that. You just need to tap into them. So if you want to connect with our guest any further, please go check out our show notes at she'scrafted.com. We'll have her links there. Or if you would like to join my tribe of women who are creating a business that they love despite the chronic illness and life hurdles, then you want to definitely hit that button where it says join the tribe. All right, you guys, thank you so much. And yes, remember, you are crafted to thrive.