How To Create Greater Capacity at Home and In Your Life with Jennifer Major

Welcome back to the She's Crafted to Thrive podcast. I am so happy to introduce you to Jennifer Major. She is a professional organization coach, and in this conversation we talk a lot about organization in the spaces, like in our home and offices, and like in the physical tangible places that we work and live, because we all experienced a bit of being more at home obviously during this pandemic for the last 2 and a half years. So we really tap into how that can affect how we feel emotionally and how productive we are. And we really get deep into what it looks like to create greater capacity and create a more holistic type of lifestyle with our businesses and how to articulate our needs living with chronic illness. Like, so all of that is under the umbrella of living with chronic pain, chronic illness, or just when life kind throws up a couple of, you know, paintballs on the wall and you're like, where did that come from? Out of left field, right? And so in this episode, some of my favorite quotes that were just like—

I have a lot of favorites in this episode, just so you know. Jennifer hits so many points in sharing her, her very vulnerable real life story.

But some of my favorite quotes were, I believed in flexibility during my day, but I wasn't doing that inside of my week. So she's going to share a little bit more about what did that mean? What does that mean for all of us? I had even a couple aha moments in that. And the other thing that we talked about is really knowing who your people are. So when you're in a crisis or when there's a crisis, you've got to know who your people are and how important that is, especially when it comes to productivity and when it comes to living with chronic illness. We talk about having capacity for yourself so that you can have greater self-care. We go so deep, you will not want to miss it. I have sped up this audio just a tad so that you really can listen to it but also absorb as much of it as possible in a shorter amount of time, because we go all the way in, y'all. We go all the way in. So before you tune in, I want you to know that I would love for you to join me on my exclusive email series called Mind Your Body and Your Business Mondays. It's the email series that I am now using to share and coach around mindset using positive psychology, physioaromatherapy, and all things so that you can have more confidence and clarity to grow and build the business that you so desire. So check that out in the show notes. So stay tuned. You're listening to the She's Crafted to Thrive podcast, and this is your host, Nikita Williams. On this show, we're talking about what it's like to start, grow, and scale a business while living with chronic illness. You will hear from other creatives and CEOs as they share their stories and the lessons that led them to learn to lean more into what works for them. You'll discover that success does not mean perfection, and fear, negative thoughts, and challenges are all a part of the journey, but there's always an abundance of wins. So stay tuned and you'll find the inspiration and tools you need to craft a life and business That Thrives.

All right, so I am so excited to have Jennifer on the show. Organizing your life, what is that like? That's the thing we all want to be doing and doing a better job at doing it. So I can't wait to jump into this conversation and see how it looks and feels like. Jennifer, please introduce yourself and let us know who you are, where you are, what you do, and all that fun jazz.

Absolutely. I am so thrilled to be here with you, and I apologize in advance for the frog in my throat. I have been struggling with a little upper respiratory junk and Today it just decided to change my voice.

So trust me, you will have all the love here for the spoons that it requires for you to be here today.

I appreciate it. So I've been a professional organizer for almost 20 years now, and it really grew out of wanting to do something fun because I was an HR consultant. I loved what I did, but I, I wanted to be able to show up at clients and then always be happy. And, and I found that so many people needed the help. Because there was this, you know, and the more I've done this, the more I've realized that like there's this like underlying thing that we're supposed to as women be good at cleaning and organizing and all the household things. And oh yeah, it's also our job, but it's not only our job, but it's something we should apparently come out of the womb experts at. And so there was a lot of shame and yuck around. Yeah, because of course that's ridiculous, right? Like I came out of the womb knowing how to drive too, of course, right? I mean, come on. So I started realizing that, like, yes, I was helping people get their spaces more organized because I was doing a lot of in-person work. And so I would go in their homes and I was helping them with that. But it ended up being sort of this combination of life coaching and therapy. And oh yes, your stuff was getting organized too. And so, and many of them said that they'd worked with organizers before, but it didn't stick. And, and, you know, and, you know, so why does yours stick? And, you know, years later, I can still find things and I can still put it back together when, when life gets crazy. And And so it really started me thinking about like, what the heck am I actually doing that's so different? And, and what does that really look like? And so then that's when I started working on kind of more my more virtual and coaching program. And then the pandemic came and then that's all there was.

And we all realized we needed more organization and not less chaos in our life.

For sure. Especially when you're in the house more.

Mm-hmm.

You know, at first, of course, we were in the house a whole lot, but even now, like more people are working out of their homes than ever. And will be for the long term.

Yeah.

So it's different.

Yeah, it is really different. I think it's— I have— I mean, I can— I personally obviously have been working for myself for a while. So for me, being at home is definitely a comfort, but it's also kind of maddening because you— your life, your work, everything is in the same corner. Everything is in the same place. Like, you— like, there's some kind of, like, comfort also when you don't work in your home because not everything kind of, like, blends together, right? And when you work for yourself, like, you, like, you see all of the mess, or you don't see all of this. So how has— for— how has this helped, like, you and your life and your clients kind of find some more peace, if you will, being at home and, you know, dealing with it?

Well, the biggest thing is that it, it roots you in what you really value, and that's what makes it easier to get it done and for it to stick. Because the reality is, like, your, your home is not going to look like a magazine 24/7, right? It might get there, right? But that's not realistic for day to day, particularly as you add people into your home. Like if you live by yourself, you can put something somewhere and it will actually stay there.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

You add in pets, you add in people.

Yeah.

Suddenly things are moving and you don't even know why.

Yeah.

Things are magically growing overnight and like, how did that happen? And that's okay because the chaos of life is normal. You know, we get sick, we get hurt, we struggle. Sometimes we get busy with work projects, whatever it is. And there's only so much time in the day and you prioritize. And I hope that you still find time for you, right? And you're not prioritizing that out. But sometimes, like remembering to tidy up every night or emptying the dishwasher and putting in the dirty dishes, that gets left sometimes. And that's okay. It's that being organized is that you can put it back together with ease and without stress, not that it looks perfect all the time.

Yeah. Yeah. So Tell me more about your, your journey to here. Tell me more about how you have gotten to this place and doing what you love so much and how, what have been some of the challenges along the way?

Oh my gosh. So, um, so I think I really got to this place because I was seeing so much, not just from my clients, but also inside my own family, for myself, for my mom, for my grandmother, and, you know, kind of the way that they felt. And, you know, as their lives shifted and changed, what that looked like for myself, you know, having kids, going through divorce, you know, having endometriosis and, you know, dealing with those kinds of days. And then, you know, lots of surgeries. And then, you know, 6 months ago I fell getting out of the shower, shattered my leg, broke my arm, and it changed my life forever.

Yeah.

And so that's, you know, I mean, all of these really keep sort of like tightening that focus on, okay, this is why this is important. This is, this is the junk that doesn't really matter. And this is the stuff that really does. And so really being able to know that, you know what, I really value a bedroom, for instance, that makes me feel calm, that I feel like I can, like I'm happy and calm and stress-free when I go to sleep, when I wake up.

Yeah.

On those days when I was feeling terrible, on those days when I couldn't get out of bed because I couldn't walk, I really wanted the bedroom to look good and feel good. Yeah, because that was my only room. That's where I ate, that's where I did everything. And so it's not just about on the good days, it's about on the good days and the bad days and all the ones in between.

You just hit on something I don't even think I thought about that, girl. Like, I'm sitting here thinking, like, I don't think I've ever thought about that like that. Like, I think when you live with chronic illness and when you run a business from your home, like, every room is like the room you're going to be in for that day. Like, I have my office and then I have my, my bedroom. And those are the two spots I'm usually at, right? I mean, they're sitting in my sofa doing my work. I'm sitting in bed like it's the comfort I find, right? But my bedroom, I probably spend way more time there. And it is— if it feels good and it looks good, it makes you feel better. It's so true. And it's the same thing about my office. I probably change it around all the time because of like wanting to be comfortable in the space that I am going to be sitting in here for a while for. So that is That's a powerful little tool to realize, I think, in— especially if you run a business and you have chronic illness, making sure your space for sure feels like how you want it to feel because you're going to be in it for a while, right?

Yeah. And it's— and it's not just the functional stuff. Like, everybody starts from the functional stuff, and I say no, start from the dream stuff. Start from what you truly value. Then you can prioritize it because sometimes, like, I may want my— my closet to look like a boutique, but it's 5 feet by 3 feet. Well, it's never going to look like a boutique, right? So it's not a priority right now.

Right.

The function will always be there. Right. But if you start with the function, that's where you tend to get stuck.

Yeah.

And now don't minimize the function because like, especially after I fell, one of the things I realized that the people in my house didn't necessarily think of was all the little things that suddenly were unsafe for me.

Yeah.

You know, if they left a paper on the ground, if they left a blanket hanging off the sofa, things like that, little things that like most people wouldn't even recognize. Well, all of a sudden that became unsafe for me.

Yeah.

And so, okay, well now I can't even get on the sofa because I can't manage that. I can't walk through that room because I can't step over that paper. And so what do I, you know?

Yeah.

I mean, there were times where like I didn't eat because nobody was here and things were not set up safely. So I didn't eat lunch that day.

Yeah.

And so, you know, and that's not a good feeling.

No.

Right.

Because not only now am I hungry, which does not set anybody up for success, but then I've got this huge resentment. Yeah. Right. But it's, it's about not just creating what you value, but also being able to communicate that. And that's where I think so many people get tangled up too, is, oh, people in my house don't help me, or they just create the mess, or whatever. And let's be real, I mean, like, that happens in my house too, right? Like, yeah, it does. But if you really truly understand what is really important in space for you, then it's much easier to articulate that and to be able to then create that as a community inside your, your home or your office or wherever that space is.

Yeah, yeah. I think just you saying that, like, it's so interesting. It's something about, like, there's this piece as chronic illness warriors, I like to call us, is like, there's a lot of things we learn along the journey. One of the biggest things that I feel like we learn, and this is why I feel like it makes us really great entrepreneurs, is that we have to learn how to articulate and describe our pain. And what you just said there about like the space and how to communicate why something needs to be a certain way isn't necessarily like just functional, but also in an emotional, like a really holistic way of why something needs to be something from practical to emotional is so important for us. To be able to articulate to the people who aren't living that life, who aren't like walking in your shoes, to know why that's important. So that's probably why your clients love you, because they're like, oh yeah, it is more than just function. It's like all of these feelings and thoughts that matter and the practicality of it. So I love that you shared that because it's making me think about some things a little bit differently too. And also why I'm like— my husband always jokes with me. He's like, you obsess over your office. I'm like, because I'm in here all the time and I want it to feel good and I want it to look good and I want it to like be the space or whatever that makes me feel the creative person that I am. And so it's not just about, you know, I need an office. It's like, no, I need a space.

Well, and, and there's— I really believe in sanctuary spaces, and, and I, and I'm absolutely adamant that your bedroom has to be one of those because again, it's where you start and end your day every day.

Yeah.

But there's no reason that your office isn't also a sanctuary space because I mean, that is where you spend so much creative time and so much time serving and giving. And particularly when you're dealing with chronic illness, and you're always sort of juggling that little energy flow, right? Like, okay, because, you know, like, you know, like, you don't call your clients the day of and say, oh, I'm having a good day, let's schedule today, right? But you schedule in advance and you just got to figure it out.

Yeah.

And so you want your space to be able to give you energy where you need it and not suck it out.

Mhm.

Like, I don't want to have to step over things. I don't want to have to hunt for things because that's energy that's getting sucked that wasn't necessary.

Yeah.

Like, I would rather spend that energy serving a client or creating something amazing.

Yeah.

Versus hunting for a paper.

Like, no, you have a thing with paper. I'm noticing.

I do. I do have a thing with paper. But I mean, here's the thing, we all, no matter how digital we are these days, yeah, it freaking grows in the dark, right?

It does.

And especially if you're a tactile person, right? So you make things digitally and then print it out because you need the tactile experience. And so, you know, and then, you know, if you, if you're suffering with chronic illness, there's those little friends called medical bills.

Oh, little, lovely, right, right.

And you've got the EOBs and you've got the, the bills and then you've got the statements and the, in the, right. And so there's a lot of that kind of stuff that, that just shows up and ends up somewhere. And so it's nice to know that you can tuck it away, you know exactly where it is, but you don't have to stare at it every day.

Yeah.

So for you, how has like living with chronic pain— and now you have a couple, you have a couple things going on, you have, you know, especially after a fall and broken leg and arm— and how has that either helped to see what matters most for you in your business and in your life, or what has like, like shone a light on some things that you wanted to shift or change?

Well, it's, it's interesting. That's a really great question because last summer, summer of 2021, in the spring, my daughter had been having a lot of her own chronic health issues, and, and it was constantly feeling disruptive because, you know, inevitably we were going to the ER or something major was happening on the day I was supposed to have, you know, like 7 meetings or, you know. And so it felt like I was constantly chasing my tail. And so I really, like, I took the summer slowed my business down to do a reset because I was like, I need to know that at some level it can still run by itself.

Yes.

And I need to shift some of my offers so that I can still show up well for my clients. I just don't have to show up as often.

Yes.

And like, let me not have Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday all booked up. Let me do Tuesday, Wednesday. So if something explodes on Tuesday, I just shift everything a day, right? Or Tuesday stuff goes to Thursday, or, you know, so I've got some flexibility there because I, I believe in flexibility about like inside of your day, but I wasn't creating the same inside of my week. And so I really spent a lot of time over the summer doing that and was literally just relaunching my membership, really relaunching like all the things that were going to make that super easy. And then I fell, and it was the worst and best test of my new system ever. Because the reality is my membership kept going beautifully. I had several of my members who stepped up and my own business coach who stepped in and said, you know what, we got you. Don't worry about us. We're still going and we're still happy about it and we're still making our own progress. And please don't worry about showing up for us right now. We want to show up for you. And so it allowed me, especially those first probably 3 or 4 weeks until after I got past my second surgery, to really feel like, okay, I can be even like moderately functional 1 hour a week. I mean, it was like that much of a struggle.

Yeah.

And so, and some of it was because my You know, I had home health and like all these different things going on and different doctor's appointments and different— and it was changing all the time. So like, how could I schedule a client? Right. But that membership was scheduled. It was the Zoom thing was on autopilot. It didn't require me to let people in, you know. So there were lots of little things like that that I had already done and it just kept going.

Yeah.

And so then I could just start showing up when I could.

Yeah.

And, you know, and the stuff on the big social stuff wasn't there and I wasn't going live like I used to and all that. And you know what? That was okay. Because the people that, that were already in my circle were happy. They were still making progress. They were supporting each other. They were supporting me. And, and it was really beautiful to see that, like, okay, I wanted to create something that was easy and fun and not quite friction-free because that's not reality, right?

Right.

But as friction-free as I could.

Yeah.

But as friction-free as I could create without whatever was going on in life, right?

Yeah.

And then it worked.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And so then now I'm just building on top of that because even still 6 months later, yeah, I still can't work a full— I mean, like, I can do maybe 3 or 4 hours of work a day and then I'm tapped out.

Yeah.

And some days it's more and some days it's less, you know, which is really weird because I used to be like, I could work 10 hours, sit at my desk all day long, no big deal. And, you know, kind of the power through it, right? And, you know, I grew up with the, you know, we'll just suck it up. Just power through it, right?

Yeah, most of them— I mean, honestly, let's be real, most women did live with— like, that's how we— that's how the world is for us, right?

And there is something to it, right? Because I see in my daughter, like, especially my 16-year-old, that who herself has chronic issues, medical issues, and she's realized that, like, there is, you know, like, I'm trying to take care of myself, and it's like, okay, but there's a balance between taking care of yourself and not taking care of your responsibilities all the time.

Yeah, right.

There's a balance, but it's still— I mean, it's still a healthier perspective.

Yeah, I think what is most important, and I love everything you just said there, it's like, I wish we all took the time. Like, that's so funny. When we initially talked, that was something I really appreciated you because you were sharing, like, I had to, like, reset. Like, I had to give myself the permission to reset. And that's like, literally, for me, one of the biggest core things I feel like you have to get really good at doing as a chronic illness warrior and an entrepreneur. You have to become really okay with taking a minute to pause, to reset. And I feel like that's one of the mindset shifts that is so hard for any entrepreneur or any person who's running a business to give themselves the permission to pause. Because we're always in the minutia, we're always in the constant going and pushing that we feel like, oh my gosh, if I stop, everything it's going to fall apart, right? Like, I know for myself living with chronic illness, there are times where I know I'm pushing, probably I'm overcompensating because I don't want to— like, I was joking, like, yeah, once I push through this, I'm probably gonna be dead for the next couple of days because I can't, like, I just, I need to keep it going. But if I had just paused earlier, I wouldn't have felt that big drastic moment of like, okay, I'm out for the next 2 weeks. And I feel like that's the fear speaking, like, in our lives, we're like, I can't pause, I can't reset. And so for my question to you is like, so what fear came up for you around that? Like, the— like, I need to reset. And this was even before the fall. Like, what fear came up that's like, um, I need to reset, but my goodness, my life is going in this path and I don't know? Like, was there fear that came up?

Oh, for sure, for sure. And it was definitely that, that fear of, okay, I'm going to put a lot of my business on pause and it's never going to come back, right? Or I'm going to keep pushing in my business and then I'm sacrificing my own health and my daughter's health, right? Because really it was getting prioritized with her health and then my business and then the home, and then, oh yeah, whatever was left over was for Jennifer. And, and that wasn't a whole lot, you know. I mean, a tablespoon wasn't going to get me by. And so, you know, I mean, in And I realized that like my daughter even had named my— you'll think this is funny— she named my disease, um, in that my burning the candle at both ends illness. Because I would do that pushing through and then I would crater for 3 days. And she's like, Mom, is this the burning the candle at both ends illness? I love it. Like, I feel totally called out by the teenager.

They're great.

And, and, and it— and what's funny is that the reason I did the reset was not even about me, right? And that's— I mean, that's so many of us, right? But it was, this is not what I want to teach my daughter. I mean, she's 16, she's got her own chronic illness, and I want to show her how to be resilient and how to push through sometimes.

Yeah.

And how to say, you know what, I need to shift some things, or I need to— I need to take a nap. In the middle of the day, or whatever that looks like.

Yeah.

And, and that I'm not constantly in that foolish busy mode. And that, you know what, I can be productive and I can have less things on my list for today.

Yeah. Yeah.

And that's okay, right? The world is not going to fall apart. And here's the thing, if it does, that's not all on me. I'm not the only one like making the whole world burn.

Uh-huh.

Right?

Yeah.

You know, and you know, and And I'm sure lots of people are guilty of this, but I can tell my clients these things all day long.

Oh, yeah.

Right? But when my business coach literally told me one time, she's like, Jennifer, what if you were your client? What would you say? And I'm like, hmm, I don't know. That I've lost my mind and I need to stop it. Go take a nap. Because I mean, it is so easy to practice what we preach, but not consistently.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

And so it just, you know, like I wanted to be able to be more authentic for myself, for my daughters, for my husband, for my clients, for the people that I serve in my community. And, and that, you know, I mean, that had to start with a big freaking reset.

Yeah.

And, and figuring out what was really, what really mattered.

Yeah.

I think it's so powerful what you just said about we sometimes we are forced into that reset with who we want to be, or someone else in our life helps us become more aware of how important that reset needs to be. And I personally feel like I carry this tote, if you will, to be like, I need to be the person that allows people to realize that you can slow down and it will be okay. Like, it's something that I preach a lot to my clients. That's literally the first part of my framework of what I teach is like reset, like pause, turn some of this noise down, if not all of it, and hear yourself and be with yourself for a moment to see how those things affect you. And it's probably the scariest part of the process. It's like the scariest part of letting things go or just pausing. And I think it's so powerful what you said about it's teaching your daughter how she can push through, but that it is okay to take these times to pause. I think we all, as a collective of women and anyone else who's living with chronic illness, needs that permission as well. Like that permission, like, yeah, we're really great at the pushing through. We are not great at the self-care and pausing when we need to. Like, that's the part we actually need to work on a little bit more. Is giving ourselves that permission to be like, pause, and it's still gonna be okay at the end of the day. And I think— I know I've just found that to be the most powerful thing that we could do for ourselves and for our businesses. And it works long term because when you did it, Jennifer, you had this beautiful experience afterwards. And usually that's what happens. Like, you were like, oh snap, why didn't I do this sooner?

Yeah, I mean, let's be real, like, I don't recommend breaking your arm and your leg for an opportunity to slow down. Be good with yourself. Like, I do not recommend this at all. Yeah. You know, do your reset on your own time and your own terms. Because like, when I fell, like, there was literally nothing I could do but take care of me.

Nothing.

Yeah.

And I didn't have the mental capacity, I didn't have the physical capacity, I didn't have the emotional capacity. It was all gone. And all the tools I had were out the window because I just couldn't. And so knowing then that, okay, well, I can start layering some of these tools back in, I can rely on other people, And are they going to do it the same way I would? Probably not.

Probably not.

But you know what?

It's okay. It's okay. The world won't fall apart.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And I think that's the beautiful part. Like, you start realizing that when you don't have to carry it all, too, that other people can do it and they can do it just as well, if not better. And you get to live in your actual zone of genius. You get to live in the place more of what you enjoy doing versus the things that you don't.

Right. Well, and the other thing too is that when there is a crisis, whether it's a small day of you're having a flare-up, something like that, or a major long-term crisis like when I fell, you've got to know your people, right? There are some people who can, what I would call, rise to the occasion, right?

Right.

In a crisis, they can rise to the occasion, they can step up, they can step in, they're asking proactive questions, they're taking things off of your plate before you even knew that they needed to be taken off. And there are other people who can't step up to that same plate, right? But who can be sort of the steady, like, on the side, you know, kind of the floaties, right? Kind of holding it, holding it up, right? Like, I'm still here, I'm kind of make— you know, they're in the maintenance mode, right? And much of that is, you know, oftentimes driven by fear for them.

Yes.

But that there, there's both kinds of people, and you need both of them, but you need to know who they are.

Yeah.

So that you're not expecting the one who can't rise to the occasion to be that person, right, when you need them to be. Because then, like, okay, well, now what do I do? Right, I need my person, and where the heck are they, right? And I need them to do all these things. And, and sometimes it's not going to be the people you want it to be, and that's okay too, right? So whether it's in your family unit, whether it's in your friends, whether it's your team with your business, you need to know who those people are and how they function with those kinds of, you know, like, dude, I'm having a flare-up today, I gotta peace out.

Yeah.

And see, that's the thing, we have to realize that we can't do this by ourselves. Like, I think that's the biggest thing. Yes, we are living with our pain and our circumstances, often we— that's one thing we can't outsource, y'all. Like, that's the one thing we can't be like, you know what, why don't you take this cramp or this swollen leg or whatever for me, and I'll go do the rest of it. Like, we can't outsource our chronic and our pain. Like, we can't do that. So the other things is why we need to make sure we have those different types of people in our corner or in our space. And know— I love that you said— and know who they are and let them know that they are who they are. That's the other piece that I think is important, is letting them know, hey, you're the person that I know It's going to be blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah during this time because that makes it like, okay, you know, and it's okay to let people know, like, it's okay. And it's okay to be like, yeah, I know you're not that friend and that's okay. You're not that friend. You're the friend that I'll see probably 6 months after I'm fine. And that's all right. Like, it's all right. Okay. But I love that you just shared that. So the piece that I'm wondering for you is like, how have you incorporated this into growing your business? Like, how has it helped you to find those people that also, like, support you in your journey but also are like your tribe? Like, I feel like that's the thing that I always get clients that ask me is like, how do you find your people, Nikita? Like, how do you have a group of women who are like, yeah, it's okay that you don't show up on Zoom, but you show up with your voice? Like, like, how's that okay? How have you found your people?

I think, I think a lot of it is trial and error, right? But so much of it is knowing who you are.

Yes.

And what you need. Because if you don't know who you are, I mean, it's like a job description. If you're hiring for somebody, how can you hire somebody If you're like, I just need some help, you know, like, well, that's not helpful. Like, yeah, you know, you're not gonna get the right skill set, you're not going to get, you know, the right personality type. You know, you've got to get more specific on, on what you need, right? I may have a lot of bystander people but not enough rise to the occasion people. Okay, so that's the gap I need to fill because this, this is good. This is not as full as I need it to be, right? I need some variety here, I need some depth here.

Yeah.

And so, okay, those are the kind of people I'm going to go seek out. What does that look like for me? What is that job description, if you will, for me? And how close do I want them to be to me? Right? Because there's a lot of that vulnerability too, because especially those rise to the occasion people, they've got to be kind of all up in your junk at some level. Right? And there's some— I mean, I've got a girlfriend who we've been friends for, I don't know, 25 years or something like that. And we can go weeks without talking. She was the first person that came to my hospital room. Yeah. And she not just came to my hospital room, but she came to my hospital room and she got all the things organized and put up and tidied. And oh, it just made my heart so happy because I couldn't do any of that.

Yeah.

And, you know, she's not the person who's— who I'm going to cry to. And if I do, it's okay. But like, she's not the emotional support rise to the occasion person, right? She is the get stuff done rise to the occasion person.

Right.

Beautiful. I needed one of those, right? And so, okay, so who's going to be my emotional support? And so I think you just have to go seek them. And looking in other groups with whether it's chronic illness, whether it's neurodiversity, other entrepreneurs, I mean, don't be afraid to own your junk, right? Because if you're hiding all of that, that like, no, I feel fine all the time. I don't have chronic illness. I don't have chronic pain. I'm not struggling with any of that. I'm just a regular old entrepreneur. You're not going to find your people.

Yeah.

Or you're going to find a bunch of fake people.

Exactly. And you're going to be exhausted trying to keep that up. Like, you need to add more things to try to keep that facade up. It's not real. And it's, you know, I'm going to be completely real. Like, most of you guys have heard my story. It's not even that you're doing it on purpose, that you're trying to hide that. It's just the thing that you're like, well, this is my normal, so I don't really need to talk about it. But guess what? It is not necessarily everyone's normal. Like, this is not a normal thing, like, to have to always have these challenges happening in the specific way when it comes to your health. So when you embrace, like, oh, this makes me a little different. This makes me, you know, I may appreciate things differently. I seek things differently because of how I feel. And if you embrace those pieces of your journey of living with chronic pain, you can start to see the positive of that. Like, we kind of like— I know for me, it was like, at first, it's like, I hate this, and I hate that I'm always canceling my friends, and I hate— like, all the things I hate about it was the thing that I didn't want people to know. I had this shame around it. But then when I embraced, like, you know what, this is just my life. And there's some beautiful things that have come from that allowed me to see, oh wow, I can have people and I can share this and people will not like run away with their heads in their, you know, pants running from me. Like they feel like, oh, I'm seen and heard because everybody has stuff. Like everybody has stuff, whether it's physical, emotional, mental, we all got something, right? All of us. So I think it's so good that you brought out just like embracing who you are and knowing what you need. So, so critical. Yeah.

I mean, and it's, it goes back to that, you know, asking for what you really need and being able to articulate that.

Yeah.

You know, if I really need someone who can be my partner, I mean, like I needed somebody to help me shower for the first time.

Yeah.

And not because it was physically hard, because it was, but because that's how I felt.

Yeah.

And the emotional PTSD and junk around it was terrible. So I didn't need somebody who could just physically support me. But I needed somebody who could emotionally support me.

Right, right.

And oh yeah, that I was okay with seeing parts of me naked because that's kind of part of the showering deal, right?

Yeah.

Suddenly that becomes a really narrow group of people.

Yes, exactly. Yeah.

And so, you know, I mean, you've got to figure out, you know, and sometimes it's seasonal stuff or sometimes it's just one-off stuff and that's okay.

Yeah.

I, yeah, I feel like, um, all of this is so important. I feel, I love that we're having this conversation because I know as entrepreneurs and as women, we tend to carry the torch of I can do it by myself. And recognizing that that doesn't necessarily mean you're the strongest person in the world. I think it takes a much stronger person to admit that they need help and how they need help and then ask for it. It makes— it takes a lot of humility and courage to come from that place than to try to carry it all on our own. So love that we're sharing these things. Um, tell us a little bit more about what inspires you, like who are Who are people or things that inspire you?

Oh my gosh, my clients every single day. And because I see the changes that they're making in their lives and not just like they know where to find their pants, right? Like, that's exciting, obviously, to not have a fashion crisis in the morning. You know, that's always a bonus. But when you can see that they're, they're setting really healthy boundaries for themselves and you can see that they're creating space in their day because they know how to manage their time better. And so they're having that time for a nap or just to go for a walk or read a book or whatever it is. To take care of themselves. It's, I mean, it's all those little things. It's, you know, I had a client who is really struggling in her marriage and in terms of being supported and being appreciated and being respected. And so she didn't feel confident to make any decisions. I mean, like, down to like, my towels are raggedy, that's what I dry myself off with every day. I want to replace them, but I'm scared to. I'm scared of the conflict. To going out and not just buying new towels, but repainting the bathroom and reorganizing it and Right. And that the power that she feels, the authority that she feels, and the confidence and bravery that she feels from towels. Right.

Yeah.

Because it's those little things.

Yeah.

And, and that's the stuff that inspires me every single day.

I love that. I love that. I feel like as coaches, that's the thing I want people to know more than anything is that a coach— people seek out a coach a lot for a lot of different things. They always think about it from the concept of like, I would imagine people come to you and they're like, yes, I want to be able to organize my closet and have everything look so pretty and look great. But then you're like, yeah, that's just like— that's literally not even the icing. That's just like the sprinkles on top of the cake. The other piece of that is that you feel more confident, you feel empowered, like these feelings that you then can translate into the rest of your life, not just like organizing. Like, it's like, so I get goosebumps thinking about it because as coaches, that is— yes, we might be helping you get this thing that you think you need right now, but those tools and those things that you're learning about yourself is making you live a better life.

Yeah, for sure.

And that's totally inspiring to me too. So I love it. I love it. So tell me more. Tell me more about the mindset shifts that you've had to like embrace and overcome to be the coach that you are and to do what you do.

Oh girl, that's a whole other conversation.

Um, okay, so tell me one. Tell me one of them.

Yeah, I mean, I think as coaches oftentimes we tend to be very introspective and very reflective, right? And so there's constantly that shifting, you know, and you you have a conversation with the client and then all of a sudden you're like, oh, I'm kind of doing that too.

Yeah.

I think the biggest piece for me is that no matter what, my time and my space and what I value in it is worth it without question. And even if I have kids, even if I have a spouse that's got chronic illness, if I've got house projects, I've got a business, I've got whatever, that it's that stupid oxygen mask. Analogy, right? Like, we all get sick of it, but it's so true. And it's, and it's not just about the task, it's about let me create greater capacity for myself by taking care of me. And I think when we suffer from chronic pain and chronic illness, that has to be a different volume of self-care, right? I can, I can do my skincare, I can, you know, sit down and read a book, I can do all those things which are really important, Mm-hmm. But is it enough? Sometimes, because I mean, the reality of chronic pain and chronic illness, as you very well know, is self-care is making sure I'm paying my bills, scheduling all the doctor's appointments, making sure that the doctors didn't screw up the appointments, making sure I get my meds filled on time, making sure I take them on time, right? That's all self-care.

Mm-hmm. It doesn't mean—

it's not filling the bucket, right? Exactly. Making sure the bucket doesn't drain. It's flooding the holes.

Yeah.

Which is important. Is super important.

Yeah.

And some of that stuff we can outsource, right? Some of that stuff somebody else can help us with.

Mhm.

But we've got to figure out ways that are meaningful for specifically ourselves.

Yeah.

To fill that bucket.

Yeah.

And your list is going to look different than my list, and your list today is going to look different than it might tomorrow. Because if you're having a flare-up tomorrow, well, that's going to look different in terms of what your self-care needs are than it might be today. And that's okay. But it's knowing what those things are. And I think that's been one of the biggest things is that I've had to really— I've had to value myself differently and more deeply. And, you know, back to that stupid articulating thing, right? I have to communicate it, right, what I need. And sometimes that's, you know what, I can't do this right now. I know this is my responsibility and I still can't do this right now.

Yeah.

Because I just need to sleep a little longer or I need some quiet or whatever it is.

Yeah.

And that it's okay, and that I can set a boundary and somebody else can be upset about that, and both are okay.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, it's okay if somebody doesn't like my boundary. It's okay, and we can address that, but it is still my boundary, right? And, you know, I think especially as women, that's just really hard. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, we think if we break down— I always joke around with my friends who are coaches, I'm like, boundaries is like So many things in there. There are so many things with boundaries that you don't even recognize. I feel like until you are like going through that personal development with yourself, it really— boundaries really first start with you. And then when you start to lay those boundaries for others, there's a whole nother level of boundaries. There's a whole, you know, and so it's really just learning to give yourself grace and those around us, I feel, are understanding as we evolve in that way of understanding what our boundaries are. Our values behind those boundaries and how to articulate them and give other people time to realize, you know, all of that jazz. So I think it's— I love that those are things that you were sharing because I think we all, we all need that reminder for sure. Yeah, it's a journey for sure.

Yeah, well, and I think what you said is really important, that the boundaries are not just setting boundaries for how we interact with other people. I could have 8 hours a day in the house by myself and still set the boundary of I need an hour of rest in the middle of the and that's okay. Yeah, nobody else is impacted by that.

Literally nobody else.

Yeah, but giving ourselves that permission to say, you know what, I stopped working at noon because I need to eat lunch and then I'm going to rest. Yeah, and that's okay.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, so fun fact about you, I would love to know anything fun. What's your favorite food?

Cheese.

I might too. What's your favorite dessert?

Oh, probably ice cream.

Oh girl, you're like, we need to go have a party or something.

It's a good thing I don't have a dairy issue. Um, favorite drink? Oh, okay, so I will say favorite boozy drink is a Cape Cod. Okay, cranberry and vodka, squirt of lime. Has to be real lime juice, um, because you know cranberry is healthy for you, it's good for the kidneys.

Um, yeah, it's a healthy cocktail. Yeah, sure. Yep, right.

Um, and I would honestly say like my favorite non-alcoholic is sparkling water.

Okay.

I mean, we actually just invested in this very German— God love them for their engineering— this like, because we all like sparkling water and we've got these like nifty little containers and we can make these vessels of sparkling water that we can just drink out of all day. And it's just lovely and easy and cheap. And, and I just, I'm a water drinker, so that's been a fun addition.

That's awesome. And lastly, what is your favorite way to create?

Ooh, most recently it's been drawing.

Oh really?

Yeah, I started just before I fell. I started drawing because my husband was drawing and it seemed so handy because before that it was painting and that's the whole thing, right? Like you can only do that so many places. It's very messy. And I was like, I want to be able to sit anywhere and do something creative because I'm very new to the understanding that I can be artistic and creative. Party.

Okay.

And I mean, I spent decades saying like, I'm not creative. I know I must have lost that gene because all my people are. I just realized mine looked different and mine was tied up in a little perfectionism. Um, because what's in my head and what came out looked different. But turns out it's that— comes back to that skill thing, right? Like, I didn't come out of the womb a good artist because, yeah, you don't do that. Um, but I just— and it was my salvation. I fell because I could do it in the hospital. I could do it for a little bit of time and then put it down. And, and that it was just, it was easy. It was me and a pencil and an eraser and that was it.

Love that.

I love that. Oh my goodness, that made me so happy to hear that. I love that. So how can we find you and support you or get to be a part of your community?

So you can find me in all the ways on my website, cultivating-you.com. And I'm on Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, all the places, and would love for you to connect with me there directly as well as I've got a free Facebook community where we focus on improving ourselves, our lives, and our organization every day. And it's a fun place to connect as well.

That's awesome.

I'm so thankful for you joining us for the show and thank you so much for being here.

Well, my friend, I am so grateful for your friendship and so glad to be here.

Thank you.

All right, y'all, that's a wrap. Thank you for listening and I hope this conversation inspired you. Be sure to visit craftedtothrive.com to check out our show notes, connect with our guests, and grab some of those goodies. Join us for the next episode. And in the meantime, remember, yes, yes, yes, you are crafted to thrive.