How to Embrace Your Passion & Create a Unique Product

Welcome back to the She's Crafted to Thrive show. I am so excited to have Alicia Chester on the show. She is a seamstress, a maker of kids' accessories, and she really encourages little boys and just little kids to be, act, and dress like gentlemen and little ladies. And I just love her. Here's why. She loved on me before I knew she even existed. You might be, what are you talking about? Well, the first couple of months before she came into my world, if you will, she was referring people to this amazing podcast. And she was referring people to me, like, to work with. And I've never worked with her. I had never really talked to her. She was a fan.

And I was like, oh my gosh, when I learned about her, we connected.

I chatted with her. And she is just the sweetest person. We have so many things in common. It's really interesting. And what I love about this conversation, and I hope that it's going to serve you, that if you've ever felt like you're trying to do all the things that everyone says that you're supposed to do and how you're supposed to do it, Alicia has tapped into the power of what creativity for her looks like and how she wants to show up in the world and how she wants to do what works for her and how that's helped her create a beautiful business that is unique, one of a kind, and truly taps into her zone of genius. And so if you want to tap into your own zone of genius, maybe you can listen listen and tune into this episode and be inspired and feel the same. So I hope you find a couple gems along this conversation. I hope you laugh, learn how to embrace your amazing self. So stay tuned. Welcome to She's Crafted to Thrive. I'm your host Nikita Williams, and this show is for all the ladies who are making and creating things that they love. You will hear conversations about the real everyday struggles of juggling life and business while trying to contain passion and harmony. As women, we have the skill of getting things done, but sometimes we get in our own way. It's here where you'll see that you're not alone. You'll discover that success does not mean perfection. Fear and negative thoughts and challenges are all a part of the journey. And on this podcast, you'll find the inspiration and tools you need to have a life and business that thrives. So I wanted to give a shout out to this beautiful review that was left on iTunes by Lila Lila 29, she says, one of my favorite podcasts. Nikita is a wonderful host. Her passion for helping others is contagious. Every episode is packed full of wisdom to help you run a better business and create a meaningful life. Highly recommend. Oh my goodness, Lila 29, thank you so very much.

I really appreciate it.

I love doing these shows and I always hope that there's a little gem or something that you can put and that you can implement in your life. And I hope that there you find something in this episode. And if you want to have more moments like this, if you want to be around other amazing women that are building a business and a life that thrives, you should join us inside of She's Crafted Insiders. It's our digital membership where you can learn from each other, join us for masterclasses, do coworking events, get discount on coaching, so many amazing things. And so if that's something you're interested in, go ahead and go to sheescrafted.com and hit that button where it says join the tribe and use the code podcast for 15% off. All right, let's jump in.

I am so excited to have Alicia Chester on the show. She's been like a cheerleader on Instagram for me, and I didn't even know it until I knew it.

Like, she reached out to me, and I was like, who is this lady?

She's showing me all this love. So welcome. I'm so excited to have you on.

Thank you. I'm happy to be here. Tell us who you are and what you do. Well, like you said, I'm Alicia Chester. I am a mom of two little gentlemen. I am married a guy from right here in Georgia who grew up here, which is pretty much unheard of. Um, pretty much everybody here seems to be a transplant almost, including myself. So I like to say on my bio, uh, I married a Southern gentleman that gave me two more. In my personal bio because, I mean, truly, that's how it happened. So because of that, I ended up making ties for him, and we, you know, early lovebirds, you like to match. And so we used to match our clothes and stuff. So corny. Um, and then we got away from that, and once we had the boys and I wanted them to be dressed nice for meetings and different things like that, like that, I decided I had to make them. I had made them in the past for friends and things like that, but never took it that seriously. But with the boys wearing them Instantly it became the thing. So now I am the owner, founder of Our Southern Gentleman, and I make hair bows now as well, bow ties, scarves, masks, pretty much a lot of the accessories that you like to have for your littles, mainly the boys, but we make a little room for the ladies because that's what gentlemen do. So.

Oh, I love that. And I, I guess it's kind of corny, but it's not, you know, the husband and wife matching, it's kind of, but it's also kind of like sweet and enduring.

Yeah, like it was fun while it lasted.

Yeah, then it kind of goes away.

I don't know, it's something hard.

Yeah. So have you always kind of been in that, like before even hubby? Where was that what you were doing before, like sewing, or what? Like what was the world?

No, not really. Not really. I, I— my grandmother is a seamstress, and so Anytime I would go to her house as a little girl, if I couldn't find her, I knew she was in her basement sewing. So I'd go running down there, you know, and she'd just kind of throw fabric scraps and a needle and thread at me and like, "Go play so I can get my work done," which I totally get now because the boys come down and I'm like, "I'm in the middle of something." So she would teach me little things here and there about more like hand sewing and stuff, and she'd let me sit over her shoulder and look at her sometimes. So I feel like almost through osmosis I learned how to sew from her. My mom had a machine in the house, but she didn't use it much, but I could kind of get tips from her too growing up. So then after we got married, we had been married for probably about maybe a year, and he's big into finding deals and sales. And so he found a sewing machine that was on sale for Black Friday. So he purchased it not knowing I had any history in sewing whatsoever.

Wow.

And was like, hey, this was on sale. Thought you might like it if you need to do some mending or something, I don't know. And I was like, oh, okay. And then I like immediately dove in. I got some patterns and some fabric. I started making dresses and he's like, "What is going on here?" And so from there it just started to evolve into like, "Oh no, I need this in my life. Like, I have to be doing some kind of sewing for something." So it started off just kind of home projects, bedding and draperies and things like that. And then I started making his ties. And then of course, from there it just snowballed into something much bigger.

That is like one of the coolest stories ever.

Like, I love it. So I owe it all to him.

Oh, that's so cool. Your husband's just like, hey, she might like this.

That's so cool. Yeah, he's always trying to think of things that, you know, because I'm not good at doing things for myself, so he's the one that will do it for me and then be like, I know you probably needed this, here you go.

So that is so awesome. It's really like, really awesome to have people in your corner just who, like, wants you to embrace those little things that you don't even recognize about yourself or even feel that you need. So that is awesome. I love that story. Like, that's— I have so many, like, so many women coming to the show, and I'm like, I feel like every story, I'm like, oh, that's my new favorite. Like, I just love that.

Everyone is unique. It's like the little plaque that says, every love story is beautiful, but ours is my favorite. Like, I feel like that applies to so many things.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. So would you say that your inspiration for doing the sewing and making things comes from like your grandmother or just something that is within you? Like, where do you think that comes from?

I think definitely the root has to be my grandmother. I mean, that anytime I think of my grandmother, I think of sewing and fabric and all those things. We lost her probably, gosh, let's see, Hayes is 3, so he It's been about 3 years, 3 or 4 years since we lost her. And, but yeah, it was always that one thing that I could always attach to her, right? Like if I was thinking of a memory, it was usually tied to sewing in some way. Like she made us little dresses a couple of times when we were real little, but she was like, she had actual clients. Like she was a legit seamstress. Like, and she was always such a very confident person. I say that in the nicest way possible, but she just, she was gonna toot her horn every chance she got. And so So that was one of the things, like, she never had any question that she was the best seamstress. So, but yeah, I think it was just so deep-rooted in my childhood and our family history of just like, yeah, this is, this is natural. So when she was still with us, I, if I had trouble with my machine or if I was confused about a pattern, I mean, I just called her without even a second thought. And oftentimes it was in the same way of the throwing of the thread and the fabric at me. She's like, girl, you can do it. You just sit there for a minute and think about it. And she'd explain a little bit, but she always wanted me to figure it out on my own. So that was really cool.

Oh, I love that.

Yeah.

That, you know, I've talked about my grandparents on the show, like, several times. But my grandmother, like, that's— like, grandmas, like, always have this, like, just sweet, special place, like, in your heart. Like, my grandparents, like, lived with us until they passed. So—

Right. I—

the lessons to this day, like the things I'd be like, man, how does she know? Like, you know, just stuff she would say and stuff she would do. And you were right. Like grandmas have like this confidence and I think it's cause they've just been living for a while. So there is no reason to doubt what they know. Like they just know, like, you know what I'm saying? Like they have the confidence that we wish we had, like from the— from day one, right? And that's just so cool. That is so very cool. Has anything about like her personality like really been something that you— the reason I'm asking this question before I ask it is because I know for myself when it comes to my grandmother, I think about how she was so mindful. Like she was so not just very insightful, very wise. She would put things together. I feel like that's kind of where I've learned a lot of different things. But she was so confident in that, that I always felt like I was striving to be more confident and being like, oh yeah, I do know that those two things work together, or I can figure this out. So are there any things like about your grandmother that you like, she really helped you to, or you strive to be more like?

Yeah. Her confidence is something that I don't think I will ever be able to achieve. I will always strive for it. And that goes in like every aspect of her, physically, how she looked and how how she felt about herself was just like, oh, I'm the hottest thing that has ever lived. Did you know that? Like, do you see these legs? She would tell us that all the time. Do you see these legs? These are my beautiful legs. And she did. She had gorgeous legs. But she was so— everything about her was to the nines. Big, beautiful hats. I mean, she's originally from the South. Amazing that I actually ended up back here. But she was originally from the South, so the big, big hats. And the sharp suits. And of course she made them all, so they were like fit to the teeth. The beautiful heels, like she was always so well put together. The entire— I mean, literally her entire life. That it just reminds me, like, you're— it's always important to look nice. And then the confidence that you gain from looking nice is unmatched. And so that is a lot of part of my brand because my tagline is be, act, and dress like a gentleman. Because I feel like if you're dressed a certain way and it makes you feel a certain way, then your behavior follows. And so I definitely think— I've never really put all of that together, so thank you for that question. But I definitely feel like she was always so, you know, that was always really important to her. You know, she would be fixing our clothes and straighten us up. And when we were, you know, early teens, she would be the one to be like, okay, this is how you walk. Or this is how you fix your collar and this is how this shit sits. She was always very big on appearances. So yeah, definitely probably got that from her.

That is awesome. So have you experienced any like challenges along this journey of like, I mean, I feel like your story, like you started into this like just for fun and it was just something to do, but now it's a business business. So like how have you experienced challenges or fears along this journey?

The whole thing is scary. It feels like a lot of pressure, but I have to constantly remind myself that I'm putting that pressure upon myself. Like, this is just— this still is just for fun. This still is just for me. My husband is the carrier of the household, thank goodness. I know that's not everybody's situation. So this truly is more of— this is an outlet I use to make, you know, to have fun and do things that I love. And it involves my kids, which is fun for me. And I just, I do, I really do love it. So I try to remind myself not to put that kind of pressure, but it's definitely there. So just trying to stay consistent is probably one of my biggest struggles. I call it undiagnosed ADD. I probably do have it, but who knows? But shiny objects are real for me. Like, oh, that would be cool to do. Oh, well, that would be a neat idea. And then completely off track. So trying to stay focused and stay consistent, and then just having two little 3 and 5-year-old running around all the time. And now we've got schooling at home and all of those things that make it very difficult to find time. And then I know you are— I'm sorry, how do you word it? An illness warrior?

Chronic illness warrior. Yeah.

So I have narcolepsy. So I too struggle with some of those things. And so it becomes difficult to find time when I really want to have time for it sometimes. But it's just about doing what I can when I can. And like I said, if I don't put that stress on myself that I have to hit this goal or I have to have this many followers, because I don't, you know, then it is just fun. I'm just doing it for myself and for the other moms who wish that stores would carry Bowties Year Round because they don't.

They don't. Like, so obviously I don't know this because I don't have— my husband is not a bow tie guy. He tried it once and we're like, never again. And it's not his thing. So, you know, but I didn't know that.

So for men, they do. You can find them anytime, anywhere. But for the kids, it's usually very seasonal, usually centered around different events throughout the year. And so, you know, I had an experience I've told before. A friend of my husband he went to school with, she's a photographer. She was going to be doing mommy and me pictures. And so she was like, I wanted to do a set first to show people what it's like. So I'm going to be taking pictures with another photographer with my kids. So she blew into this store I just happened to be perusing through, pre-COVID of course. And she's like frantic. And I said, hey, hey, hey, how are you doing? Like, how are you? And she's like, oh, I didn't even see you. I'm searching for a bow tie. We've been to 5 different stores and I can't find one anywhere. And I was like, you won't find them here, but I make some. And she was like, wait, what? And so being able to solve that problem for her probably is like one of the best feelings ever. I got the exact color that she wanted because it matched the dress that she was going to wear and all of that. And it just worked out really well for her. So yeah, it's very frustrating. You can go into a store and you just, you won't see them. So say you have a wedding to go to, you're not going to find it if it's not March, April time or December, November time, you're not going to find them. So, and then the quality is usually pretty lackluster because they don't expect the kid to wear it very often. So they're usually pretty thin and flimsy too. So it's really fun.

Wow.

Yeah.

I was going to ask you that. I was going to ask you like, so what specifically this niche, obviously you love it and you have your boys and that's the place that, you know, that you love, but is it like, how is like, how is the perception? How, how is your audience loving having this? Cause even that aspect of like not realizing that it's not, you know, year round, why it doesn't make any sense why it wouldn't, like just make a smaller version of the big board. Like, I don't understand why is that so hard? But anyway, I don't know.

I don't know. And I feel like boys get, get the short end of the stick anyway. I mean, if you really think about it, and this goes for men and women, walk into any store and there's the women's department, half the store.

Yeah.

And then there's the men's department, a corner by the bathroom.

Just go to Target. It's literally so obvious.

Oh my goodness. I even saw a Reels the other day and the guy was like, women's plus size section, men's It goes to an extra large and he like stands in front of the camera and it's like way too small. And he's like, really, can we do better? And we can, we can do better. Like, it's just not that hard to try to serve the masses. So yeah, I think I knew it already because I have a niece, she's 8. And I mean, I'm just pulling things off the rack left and right when she was being born. And then I was pregnant looking around like, well, that's boring. Oh, well, oh, another bug. Oh, dinosaurs. Oh, more Mack trucks. Okay, what else do we have? You know, so I, I, I feel like our generation is far more interested in style than maybe the generation— our generation, say. Like, I just feel like with Instagram and the influence that has brought, people are way more concerned about the way they appear to the world. And so moms now are actually like, yeah, I put my kid in a bow tie for an everyday wear, whereas before it was strictly for special occasions. So I think that changing that perception is part of my journey, but I am seeing more and more moms coming in like, "I love this, like this is exactly what I've needed." And then just the simple fact that I made a small change to my bow ties several years ago that I personally feel, and from the people I've talked to, makes so much sense as well, to have them interchangeable. So mine actually interchange on a neckband with a button. Because you have a bunch of stuff in a drawer, socks and whatever other things, and then you're throwing in all these bow ties. And so I found with my first son, people did gift us some bow ties and things like that because we dress up a lot, but some of them had Velcro and then some of them had a hook and then some— and they're just a tangled knot of strings and bands. And it was— yeah, so I started swapping mine out. It was easier on me as well because I wasn't making a neckband every single time I made him a bow tie. And so it made it so much more convenient for me to change the outfit. Or if we were going for a family photo shoot, I could put the neckband on and bring several ties, and then we have different looks, you know, each time we take a, you know, snap a shot. So I do feel like moms have made this shift of, okay, boys, they play rough. Yes, they play in dirt. They do things that maybe a prissy little girl's not gonna, you know, gonna do, but they still appreciate looking nice in the same way that a girl does. It gives them that same push of confidence.

Yeah, yeah. First of all, there is so much in that that I love. That one, I think women are really good at this. I feel like women are really good at figuring out how to make something that doesn't make any sense make better sense. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, I think that's part of the reason why there's more and more women designing things for women. One, because whoever made stockings, they should really— like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I don't stand. The other things like, you know, tights and like body stuff, there's more and more women making things that make sense because, you know, we're tired of that mess. Yeah, yeah. So—

I don't do that stuff anymore.

It's really cool that you've kind of figured that out too for bow ties and just figuring out what works better for a mom or any person. They should make that for men. Like, I don't think I've ever seen that for like an adult man having interchangeable—

I mean, you know what I'm saying?

Exactly.

I sent one off for a photo shoot. They were going to be doing a bridal photo shoot and she asked me and I was like, "Well, I make mine interchangeable. Is that okay?" And she was like, "Uh, yeah, that'd be cool." So hopefully if they need to do another photo shoot, they'll just ask me for another bow and then they don't have to worry about it.

Yeah. That is, yeah, very cool. So from a business standpoint, that's genius because it's like you basically figured out a niche. That's like super cool and it keeps, you know, it keeps you busy in a way because, you know, you can interchange without having to buy the whole thing over again, you know what I'm saying?

It makes it cheaper for the consumer in the end too. Yeah, because the initial buy, you have to buy the neckband and the bow, but then after that it's just about— yeah, so much easier and they can buy them in sets, you know.

So funny. So when you talk about bows, I always think about my grandfather. I don't— he was the, you know, dressed to the nines gentleman. Like everybody who knows my grandfather, who knew him when he was alive, even my husband will be like, I feel like I know him and I never met him. Like people will be like, he would wear his hat. He would always have his tie, his cufflinks. Like he was always dressed to the nines. And one of the reasons why I was like, when you, we started following each other, I was like, first of all, I just, when just the name of your business, Our Southern Gentleman, I'm like, I just feel like when I say that, I literally right now can picture my grandfather sitting down, having a conversation in his suit and his tie with his hat, you know, and just so smooth to the nines. You wouldn't be able to tell him nothing, but he was the sweetest, kindest, most gentleman person, man I've ever met. You know what I'm saying?

So. Exactly. That's what it's about.

I love that, and I love that you're raising your boys to embrace that because I don't think, you know, I think, I don't know, I don't know, I don't have kids, but I do feel like that whole concept of being a gentleman, people are like sometimes look down on it, and I don't understand that because I'm like, there's nothing wrong with being kind and polite and kind and polite. Like, what's wrong with that?

Absolutely. Absolutely. Chivalry is not dead. Like, I am okay, you can open my door, but I also feel like as a woman I can do anything. So I can have it both ways. And I do, I, it's funny sometimes because I am a very independent person, but I will like blow through and open doors and I'll go get things and I'll be reaching for it because I'm short. I'll be reaching for something that I totally can't reach and my husband's like, "I'm in the room, like ask for help." So I do, even my son, my 5-year-old, he'll be like, I'll be like, "Come on, go inside, go inside." We're going somewhere, and he's like, uh, ladies first. And I'm like, okay, right, thank you very much, sir. And I have to acquiesce to that because he's seeing his father be that way. He knows that I am telling him to be that way, and so he is demanding that he is allotted that opportunity to show that he is also a gentleman. So I, I do love seeing it.

Yeah.

And people say it.

Yeah.

You know, when they see them out and about, you know, I, I hear people like, oh, they're such sweet gentlemen. Oh, look at them, they're little gentlemen. And I'm like, oh yes, like, mission accomplished. 'Cause it's work.

I'm sure, especially with two boys. I mean, I think like the word gentleman goes right in hand, if not a synonym— synonym, I can never say that word— a synonym for being respectful. I mean, yeah, it, it, that's what it is. It's just really being respectful and kind, and I think it's beautiful when you see little ones, little boys taking advantage of that, and it's just awesome. What are some of the things that you feel like from a life standpoint, because having two boys, running a business, husband, you know, living with a chronic illness, how are you finding balance and harmony with all of those things for, for For those listening, who are moms—

I don't know what balance is. It's somewhere that I struggle really, really bad. My husband is usually the one that tries to balance me because I am horrible about that. And some of it I feel like is— and I know the moms will get this. So you spend your entire day doing for all the people and doing all the things, and then everyone goes to sleep and it gets so quiet in the house and you're like, oh, there are my thoughts. Like, oh, that's right. I can do something. I can think clearly. And I will find myself down here for hours and I'll look up like, ooh, they're going to be awake in like 4 hours. I got to go to bed. And it starts all over again. So that's one of the places I really could use some more balance. And then because of the medication that I take, it can sometimes, once things do calm down, I'm like, I'm awake and I'm ready to go. So I really should be doing better about the timing of when I take my medication and things like that to help with that. But it is one of those constant battles. But I do wish that moms understood that it, it, it's not even about necessarily balance. I don't think. I think it's more about putting the importance on the important things. Like, first and foremost are my kids. Kids and my husband and what they need. The laundry might not be done. I might have laundry up there that's probably been washed and in the basket for 2 weeks, but we won't talk about that. But they're all fed, everyone's clean and happy and all of that. So put the importance where the importance matters. When they grow up, you'll have plenty of time for laundry to be put away on the day that you wash it, but today is not that day, and tomorrow probably isn't either because we're gonna go do something fun instead. So I have had to come— well, I didn't have to. I was OK with it. But I came to terms with the fact that, yeah, the house is just going to be a mess for probably the next 10 years.

And that's OK.

When people come over, we're going to mad dash clean. And no one's going to be the wiser. And it's going to be OK.

I love it. Oh my gosh. First of all, I feel like that should— the whole everything you just said should be a little commercial for moms or something. I totally feel that. And I think it's— I obviously don't have kids, but I feel like that as a woman in general living with chronic illness. I'm like, for me, I'm not okay with it. Like, that's always a constant, like, for me, a struggle. Like, man, I wish I had— I did this more. Like, I totally have baskets of laundry in the room folded, but they're not up yet. Like, you know, or Some of them might be—

And then I'll rewash it because then something gets mixed in and I'm like, dang, I don't know.

Exactly. So I feel like we, we, we can sometimes, but so much, like you were saying earlier in regards to business, like putting this pressure on ourselves, but the important things are really important, like taking care and taking the time. I think everything that we do is like the time, right?

The time.

So if you have the time, you have a choice between time and cleaning, like, mm, time it is, time it's going to be, right? And it's, it's, it's one of those things. I do think it's really, for me and like other moms, I know they, a lot of moms who are really great at keeping things all perfect and, you know, they delegate really well. So they have someone come in and like do this or do that. And, but I'm sure a lot of that changed when COVID came down. Because they're like, ain't nobody coming up in this house. You know what I'm saying? So I think they have to kind of be okay with some of the things that aren't getting done.

Yeah, totally. I mean, 100%. And I do have friends and people in my life that are really great at that. And they're like, okay, here's what you do. And they lay it all out and it makes perfect sense. And then I'm like, Monday, it's just not going to happen. Like, I just— I can do it. Like, and I do wish that sometimes I did even have more time to— and I think this is just COVID talking, but like had more time to really, really do stuff with the boys. But I think now it's just, it's gotten stale. You know, you can only do so many things. But yeah, I try to do as many things as possible because when I think back on my childhood, my mom was a stay-at-home and she was always around. We were always doing something. We were doing crafts. We were, you know, whatever, out and about. And so I want them to be able to look back on their childhood and say the same thing, like, oh, we had so much fun. And they will, like, you know, mama, mama, you know, it just hits the heart when they're just like, you're so much fun. Like, mommy, you're so funny. Like, mommy, you're— and I'm like, oh, I am? Oh my God, thank you. Because sometimes you do question it. Like you said, like, oh, it'd be so nice to have, like, the magazine house and and all of that, but then at the same time, it's like, sheesh, like, I'm tired. Like, I want to play with you, I really do, but I'm just tired. Like, some days are better than others. But I know the highlight reel that they're going to remember as children, I mean, as adults from their childhood is like, we had fun. Like, she did as much with us as she possibly could. It was a lot of fun. So hopefully, anyway, that's okay. Who would you say—

I know we kind of talked about this a little bit— is like a big inspiration for you, like, in your life, as like women in your life?

Oh, totally. I mean, my grandmother and my mother were great, you know, growing up and everything. But I really do have the most amazing core friendships. First of all, my sister. We're only 2 years and 2 months apart, which is funny because my boys are 2 years apart exactly within the same month. Wow.

How did you know that?

We didn't mean to. We didn't mean to. The second one just showed up. But I will say, she— my sister and I have been— I've always been close. And so we do a lot of, you know, talking things out, figuring things out. She gives me advice and I give her advice. Like, it's a very give and take type of relationship. And then when we were— I used to live in Ohio is where I grew up. And I have these girlfriends I've had since I was 11 years old. And we are all just as tight now as we were then. And so having them, like, good, bad, ugly, just all the things in life that can happen, and we've all been there for each other every single time without a doubt. And then I moved to Atlanta and turned around and made a whole nother core group of girlfriends. That is unheard of. To have those super deep relationships where I can literally be myself and not have to worry about anything is amazing. And so, yeah, it's— I think that women having those good friendships and relationships is— oh my goodness, it's so important. So very important.

It really is, you know. So there's this, there's this lady in one of my core groups. Her name is Danielle, and she's a PR person, and she's also a friendship coach. So I—

follow her.

Yeah, right. She has the cutest little boy, right?

He is adorable.

Cutest little boy.

She's beautiful.

I mean, seriously. I mean, like, and then I think a couple of weeks ago she busted out singing. I'm like, oh, you sing? You're gorgeous. And you have this— dang, girl, you a triple. You're a triple. I don't even know. It's like a quad triple. I don't even know. But anyway, she is a friendship coach and she— I, first of all, I had never heard of that concept before and I was like, I'm like, that's a new one. Okay, that's interesting. But you know, you could do anything in 2020.

You could do anything.

And she's really good at that. And she always talks about like, you know, having that set of core friends. And I, I feel like I have my set of core friends, but I feel like it's different. Like I have like my grandma, this is, this is what my grandmother used to say. And to this day, I believe her. She's like, you're going to have your friends that you can go to the mall with. You're going to have your friends that you can call on the phone and cry and tell all your feelings to. You're going to have a friend that, you know, you don't talk to them for years. And then you pick up the phone, and they're going to be like, yo, Ace. Like, y'all just been together this whole time. You're going to have your friends that, you know, you tell them how it is, and they tell you how it is. And then you say, I love you. You say goodbye. So she's like, you're going to have different friends, like different outfits in your life. Absolutely. I really have a lot of those different friends in different aspects of my life, especially when we moved to Florida. That's a whole nother world of friends. Okay.

Yeah, exactly.

Florida.

Right, right, right.

Florida. Y'all could— if y'all could see my face and all my friends, y'all know I love you. You know I love you. But it's different than the friends that I like grew up with here in Georgia or friends that I know who've known me since I've been like young. And then I have a lot of like older friends that are older than me that to me I'm closer to them than the friends I probably grew up with because we just, we just vibe. So I think it's beautiful when you have those women in your lives that you can be all the ass, like all the, you can be all the different facets of yourself with those people. And it helps you when you're going through, you know, life.

Yeah.

Right.

Yeah. Yeah. Cause we're all going through life and I'm not just talking 2020. Like, life can throw some serious curveballs and those girls have, both sets have been with me through all of those and I've been with them through all of theirs. And, and that just, I mean, every time we go through something, it just brings us closer together. So, but like you said, like even with those people, sometimes you have a little break. I don't know, we just all got busy, you know, or with COVID it's like, well, yesterday was the same as, you know, the day before that. So I don't really need to call her and tell her I'm still sitting on the couch. So, you know, but then we'll pick up on Marco like, "I haven't seen your face in a while. Come send me a message. I miss you." And then this ball starts rolling and it's nonstop talking. So yeah, it's really, really important, especially for women.

Yeah, I do. I wanted to go back to something you said earlier, which was like, living with, you know, the chronic illness and having like friends and stuff, has that been a really big piece of you being able to like cope with it? Like just being like, is that something you feel free and they get it and you don't feel like you have to explain it too much? Or they're like, girl, or they make you laugh about it or whatever?

They probably more make me laugh about it because it's an odd illness. Like you don't hear of a whole lot of people that have narcolepsy. And then usually when you hear the word narcolepsy, you imagine and somebody is just like passing out somewhere, right?

Yeah, that's exactly.

That's just not exactly what it is. There's a lot of different facets to it. And there are some that are like that, the more severe cases. But yeah, I mean, it's usually just jokes like, "Oh, you wanted to wait for it anyway," or, you know, something like that. Like, "Did you take your meds today, Leisha?" You know, that kind of thing. But yeah, they've always been supportive. And of course, once it took forever to get, I mean, my parents have said I had sleeping issues from, Childhood. I would go somewhere. Perfect example, we were at someone's house, uh, for a Bible meeting, and they sent me to the bathroom. I think I was 4 or 5 or something. I was tired and dozing. I can't tell you how many times I got in trouble for being asleep when I shouldn't have been. And now they're like, we're sorry. But I— they sent me to the bathroom to wake up, and then I never returned. And they're like, where did she go? So my mom comes to look for me. She can't find me anywhere, and the bathroom door is locked. And she's like, she has to be in there. And then she starts to hear me snore. And she's like, she's locked in the bathroom. I can't get her out. My dad's conducting this Bible meeting and has to stop to come get me out, pry the door off the hinges to get me out.

Oh my gosh.

The bathroom. So This goes on until the age of 27 before we figure out what is going on. And one of my core girlfriends was the one that was— that gave me the recommendation of which doctor to see, because I had seen many doctors. No one had given me an answer, a correct answer. And she had a situation at work where a friend of hers at work, or coworker at work, had a similar situation to mine. Like, she was like, every time I talk to her, I'm like, this sounds just like Leisha., and she was sent to a neurologist after a really, really dangerous car accident. And so she was like, this is what you're going to do. You're going to call a neurologist and we're going to get this figured out. And so sure enough, right after that, I called a neurologist and that's what got me my diagnosis. So without that girlfriend, I would still be confused. Wow.

Wow. That is a really long, long time.

It really is. And there were different things that happened throughout the years. I mean, when I was really young, it was the snoring and different things like that that really concerned them, choking when I was sleeping and stuff like that. They just couldn't figure it out. They would make recordings of me sleeping, trying to send the— show the doctor, like, this is what she sounds like. And they were like, she'll grow out of it. She might have this. She might have that. We could take her tonsils and adenoids. It could help. But nothing was going to be a guarantee. And those were just kind of risky things to do for a teenage girl at the time. And so, yeah, but I'm happy to know now and I can watch my kids and see if I see any signs in them. But the average age of diagnosis for narcolepsy is 27 and I was exactly 27.

Wow. That just gave me goosebumps. That's too long.

It is.

Like so many things can happen.

Oh yeah.

Between like, like there's so many things that can happen.

Yeah, just like you can have these moments of, especially when you're super tired, you know, they call it like micro-napping. You don't really, you're not aware of your surroundings. You just kind of have this displacement. There have been times that I remember in my teenage years, like driving from school to home or from work to home. And I get in the driveway like, how did I get here? I don't remember being on the road, you know, really scary stuff. So yeah, it really helps. Helps to know that there are other avenues. So anytime I see anybody say anything about abnormal sleep, I'm like, go see a neurologist immediately. Don't waste your time.

You know, that's— you're touching on something that I feel like it's— and it could be— I don't even think this is like in the African American community. I think this is just people in general. I think it's more so for women specifically in the African American community, but I do think in general people tend not to share like those experiences. So when things are happening to you, you don't— because we aren't taught. I think it's happening more. People are now being like feeling way more free with sharing like those experiences and they're like, oh, you know what, that sounds like me, or yeah, oh, that kind of sounds like me. Like you don't even know, like, you know, Oh, you have no idea. And then you like, you figure it out and people are like, hey, I know someone else who experienced something like that. And honestly, that's usually how a lot of diagnosis for chronic random stuff happens because you said something to someone about what you're going through. And to me, that's probably, probably like 55% of the reason why I come on the show. Like, it's to be like, hey, This is what's happening. You're not alone. In case anybody else is going on there, you're not alone. And also, if you're thinking this is you, it might be.

Yeah, because so many times— because I also have hormonal imbalances, and there's so many things that, especially with that, I mean, it's different every day. Like, you never know what symptom is going to pop up. And so I'm constantly Googling different things. And if it weren't for those people telling their stories, Dr. Google couldn't help me. Because I oftentimes go into the doctor like, I'm like, here's the list of things that I'm suffering with, and here's the list of illnesses it could possibly be. Let's start testing. Because, I mean, otherwise they're like, ah, you're healthy. Like, all of my records and all of my charts and all of my blood work are always spot on, but something's not right.

Yeah.

So until I feel comfortable with what the diagnosis is, I'm not going to stop searching until I find an appropriate answer, whether it's because of diet or something else. I'm just going to keep looking. And plus, as my friends and family always say that like I store useless information, but some of it is useful. I just retain information that I don't necessarily need very easily. Don't ask me to take a test on anything because then I won't be able to retain.

Oh my gosh, you're talking my language. I'm totally the same way. Totally.

Horrible in school. Horrible in school. But I can recite pretty much any fact. Fact about anything just because. If I saw it and it was interesting to me, it stays in there, which means there's no room for the important stuff that I should be reciting.

That is so funny. I think what I wonder is your perseverance and persistence and just trying to figure out what's going on and what's happening. Is that a piece of like something you've taken into your business?

Like being like, you know, if I can't figure it out, you know, I could figure it out almost to a fault, almost to a fault, because there's so many times that I'm like, I just spent like 12 hours on that. I could have called someone and hired them even if I didn't want to spend the money and just had it done. But then I tell myself like, well then, how else would you know? How else would you know how to do it? Because even if you do ask someone else to do something, if you hire somebody to do something, wouldn't you still want to know as much as possible because what if they're not doing it right? How can I tell you, okay, wait, that's still not quite right, even if you can do it faster. So I feel like that goes into not just business, but everything. But yeah, I definitely do that. And then I end up being the one that people call like, how do you, that and the third? And I'm like, well, I spent 13 hours on it. This is how you do it. But yeah, I do. I was not a good student in school. The formal way of learning is not good for me, but for something to be of interest to me and I can just dive into it and do whatever research and go down all the rabbit holes, I'm a happy girl. Like, I'll stick with it until I find the answer.

I think that's so good that you said that because I think we all have to like learn how we learn, how we like to work, how we can get into our creative zone or whatever it is that we do. You know, Google is great, but also is the awareness of knowing what's going on with yourself. And if you're trying to do something like someone else does it, but it's not how you learn or not how you get creative, you're gonna be really frustrated and you're gonna give up, likely.

Like, "Ooh, right." It's interesting that you say that because even with sewing, so I am self-taught because I just watched my grandmother, you know, throughout the years. And when I got the sewing machine, it was like, "Well, this is where the needle goes. Here we go." And so I sometimes will get a pattern 'cause I'm like, "That's so cute. I love that." I will start trying to put it together with a pattern, and I will fail every single time. I have an entire bag full of patterns, an entire box full of unfinished clothes, because I don't follow instruction well. Not in a formal way. Like, probably not at all, but we won't go there. I just don't. I want to be able to do things my way, in a way that makes sense for me, and what makes me feel comfortable.. And so once I finally embraced that, it was so much easier to do things. So I'll get guidelines from things. I will read, you know, maybe a blog post about how to make something and then I'll be like, okay, that's cool, but you could just do this and that'd be way easier. Or at least for me. So when people ask me to teach them things, it's like, yeah, I don't think you want me to do that because it's not gonna make any sense for you, but here are your guidelines and go forth and conquer. So I do think people need to realize, like, it's not that you can't do something. You just have to figure out, like you said, how to do it for yourself. Like, I take all of my pictures unless I have it sighted. Like, I take all the pictures on my website and on my Instagram. Am I a pro photographer? Nope. But my husband, again, knowing what I need and trying to be supportive, bought me a really nice Canon camera and was like, you'll figure it out.. And some of the early ones were good and some of the early ones were really bad. But as I've gone through, like, I've tried to read the tutorials about this is what you adjust and this is how you fix this and this is how you get that. It never works. Every time I follow somebody's advice, it never works. But if I just randomly start tweaking buttons, I'll get a picture I like. So I'm just gonna stick with that. So I think my encouragement to anybody is just, just do it. Find your spot.

Yeah, I love that you like— exactly, just do it, find your spot. And if you don't, like, if you— if it's not something that you do well or want to do well, if you can't afford to get someone else to do it, do that.

Yeah, like, do that.

Be okay with that.

Be okay with it. And then, you know, I have some business coaches that I work with, and they're always preaching to us, done is better than perfect. Yes, it's better than perfect. And I can be a perfectionist. To the hilt. So I have to stop myself and just say, is it done? Is it workable? Especially when it's something techie. And then I'm like, yeah, they can still order it. Okay, great. Walk away. Come back another day when you're refreshed. So yeah, I think that's really important.

And perfection is a farce, right? Like there's no, there's nothing. There's, there is only one person that walked the earth that was perfect and he's not here. So it's literally impossible.

It's quite literally impossible. So why are we trying so hard?

Yeah.

And that goes right back to like the perfect home and the perfect kids and the perfect this and that. Like we're all constantly striving towards, but we're never going to actually attain it. So we just keep working at ourselves. That's the beauty of it though.

Yeah. Yeah, totally. So are there any tools in your business that you like love? That you use, like as a seamstress or as a business owner? Is there anything that you just have to have?

I love my Canva. I do use Canva for just about everything. Everybody loves Canva. Quite literally everything. I have a serger and a sewing machine. I love them both dearly. They make cameos on the Instagram from time to time. So as far as I guess sewing is concerned, I would I would have to say definitely a serger is one of those unspoken heroes. I think it's one of those that like people who sew a lot know when they have them, but like the everyday novice seems just would probably do very well to have one as well. So that's just a little tip.

What's a serger? Because I don't know.

So a serger is— so if you look on the inside of your clothing and it has that finished like looping stitch over top of the like raw edge, that's a serged stitch. Oh, so that keeps it from from fraying and things like that. So it'll make whatever piece you make last longer and it's super fast. So it's just like this zip, zip, and you know, you've got that covered. So I do love my serger, but I don't know, I feel like I use different tools for different things. And so I think being able to look at things that maybe that's not their intended purpose, again, doing things my own way. I like to use knitting needles because this is going to be a little bit hard to explain, but when I am turning out, say now I'm doing hair bows and I'm doing these little pigtail bows, which are adorable by the way, and so you have to turn the fabric inside out to stitch it, and then you have to turn it right side out to complete it. So there's this little tube you can get, looks like a large straw, and you have to stick it inside the fabric so you can turn it back right side out. Well, they have these little sticks that come with it, they usually break, and so I found that using a knitting needle is like the perfect application. It's the right size, it's not too sharp to go through your fabric, but it's not what anybody would normally buy that for. I don't knit, but it's perfect for this. So yeah, just little things like that. I mean, having a good pair of scissors is important.

Yeah, I bet. Yeah.

Yeah.

So what is your biggest mindset shift that you've had to you know, grasp onto and continue to work on in this endeavor, in this journey?

To just do it my way. I feel like that's been a constant theme. I— can you tell what kind of personality I have? I really, you know, I would do the bows and everything, and then my sister was the one that was like, why aren't you selling these? Like, because she— her son's the same age as my son. They're only 2 months apart, my oldest and her youngest. And so she was wearing— he was wearing the bows too and wearing them to their meetings. And people would stop her like, "That's so cute. Like, I love that." And then she'd be like, "Oh, and it's interchangeable." And they'd lose their minds. "What?" You know? And so she's always the one that's like, "Put yourself out there more. Like, why aren't you talking more? Why aren't you, you know, making yourself more visible?" And it's something I struggle with daily. So you don't see me in my Instagram stories much. You see the kids more, things like that, something I'm working on. So that's definitely been a shift I've had to work on. And I, again, will go back to my business coach. I guess I'll give them a shout out, The Product Boss. They are always like, show up however you are. Like, think about how you're watching other people and their stories. Do they come completely made up all the time? No, sometimes it's just, you know, them sitting at the kitchen table. And so I'm trying to embrace that. I haven't yet, so don't expect to see me without makeup on my Instagram, but I have—

Use a filter, girl. Use a filter.

I know I should. I should. But I do have to come to terms with, like we said, that idea of perfection is a farce. And some days are going to be great, and some days I'm going to be in my fuzzy onesie, and it's going to be OK.

Yes.

Yes.

I just love this conversation. Tell us where everybody can find you online.

You've been so much fun. I've enjoyed it too. So my Instagram is shopoursoutherngentlemen and the website is shopoursoutherngentlemen.com.

Awesome. Well, thank you so much for coming on.

Thank you. I had fun.

Me too.

Hey ladies, that is a wrap for this episode. With Alicia. I hope you enjoyed her tips, some of the tools she used. I really hope that the one thing that you gathered from this episode is that to really lean into what you're good at. Don't try to be someone else. Just really embrace those quirky, amazing things about you and make them work for you. I hope that inspires— I hope that inspires you to do the same for your business. If you like this episode and what we talked about, please go and visit sheescrafted.com to check out the show notes, to learn more about Alicia, to connect with her. And of course, like I love to end every show, remember that yes, yes, loves, you are crafted to thrive.