How to Find a Healing Path When Chronically Ill

Hello, ladies. Welcome back to the She's Crafted to Thrive Show. I am super excited about this episode because I'm featuring Lauren Friedman. She is an award-winning entrepreneur, and she has an award-winning podcast called Uninvisible Pod. And that is a podcast where she talks about invisible conditions such as chronic illness as well as disability. And she has interviews talking to survivors and thrivers and those that take care of those survivors and thrivers, advocates, experts. And all the different things in between about how to heal and cope with those things from a holistic standpoint to a medical one. I am excited to have her on the show. She's going to share her journey with multiple chronic illnesses as well as her journey as an entrepreneur to where she is today, having a business, a podcast, and just really embracing her journey to becoming more informed about what it means for her to live a thriving life. And I just wanted to say that in this episode, me and Lauren talk about a lot of different topics. Not all of them do I agree with, but they are her own experiences. And I do believe that her journey really definitely does need to be heard because she shares some really great tips on where you can go and what you can do while you're going through new chronic illness diagnosis, or if you're wondering what to do when you're at the wits' end of living with chronic illnesses, what are some resources. And she's really open and honest about her journey, so be sure to stay tuned. Welcome to She's Crafted to Thrive. I'm your host Nikita Williams, and this show is for all the ladies who are making and creating things that they love. You will hear conversations about the real everyday struggles of juggling life and business while trying to maintain passion and harmony. As women, we have the skill of getting things done, but sometimes we get in our own way. It's here where you'll see that you're not alone. You'll discover that success does not mean perfection. Fear and negative thoughts and challenges are all a part of the journey. And on this podcast, you'll find the inspiration and tools you need to have a life and business that thrives. Hello, Lauren. I'm so excited to have you on the show. Like, seriously, like, I think I, I'm just excited. Like, I've been following you for a while. Like, I always feel like I've been following people for a long time, but when I finally have them on the show, I'm like, oh, this is exciting.

I know, I totally feel you. And it's so nice since we connected through the Chronicon community and like being able to connect and talk more deeply about stuff we've already started talking about is really exciting. So thank you for having me on.

I am so— yeah, I am so privileged and I'm so excited because when I first started the show, I didn't start it off initially to be talking about chronic illness. Like, that was kind of like a thing that kind of morphed into She's Crafted to Thrive. And it's been like therapy. I like tell people all the time, I'm like, if you can't find a therapist or you can't afford therapy, I feel like a podcast is like a therapy session because you're just sharing your thoughts. And when— if I know for me, I edit my own, so I'm listening back and hearing that and it's like, oh, I need to change how I think, you know, it's just so amazing. So yeah. Yeah. So tell us a little bit about who you are and what you do. Yeah, with pleasure.

So, and thanks again for having me on. This is very exciting and I'm excited to like dive deeper into stuff with you today. So, but yeah, so I'm originally from New York City and born in the '80s in New York City and my mom's Aussie, my dad's She's from Brooklyn. So I grew up in Manhattan and spent summers going to visit my mom's family in Australia. And—

There that goes, that accent.

Everyone says it when I say Australia, yeah. So I have lots of close friends and family over there and sort of always grew up with family far away, you know, and like close people far away. So like that experience that everyone ends up getting after they travel and meet people, I had that from the word go. And I ended up in my early 20s moving to London and training as an actor. I went there to study abroad in my basic years. Quickly never came back. So then I created a whole nother group of people who are far away from me who I love. So that is a whole thing. And then I moved to Los Angeles about 9 years ago. And as a teenager, I was living with depression and anxiety, which really came to a head when I was 20, 19 or 20. And at that time, I also worked through OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder, which was my coping mechanism reaction to 9/11. I went to college in 2001 and spent the first year of college outside of New York City. And so 9/11 happened and I wasn't there, but my mom worked in the Empire State Building.

Oh, wow.

And I was freaking out that that would be the next target. And just that whole experience, I think— of course, my mom was like, "Let them come and get me." She kept working that day. 'Cause she's a bad— I myself would've been like, "I'm going home early!" You know? But— I, I was traumatized enough by that experience that I developed OCD and sort of started getting into rituals that were beginning to really have an effect on the way I was living my life. So by the time I came back to New York when I was about 19, I started seeing a therapist specifically for OCD and found out when I was seeing her that like all of the hyperventilating and the stress that I had been going through from the age of about 13, 14 were actually panic attacks. And, you know, sort of being able to understand more deeply what was going on with me psychologically. So from that point onward, I started working with a therapist to treat all of this stuff. And I managed to get the OCD under control using cognitive behavioral therapy, CBT. And the depression and anxiety, I mean, that's, you get diagnosed with that stuff, but it's not stuff that like goes away, you know? It's managed, it's mischief managed. But I've gone on and off medication for both and have arrived at a place where I know to prevent my panic attacks. I have a care team in place. You know, I've got all the resources, and I feel like after, you know, almost 20 years of therapy, I have a pretty good handle on what that looks like for me and how I manage it. So that's one part of the health and wellness story that was underlying all of these experiences, moving to different countries and all that kind of thing. And then in 2016, I— so I trained as an actor, I mentioned, and I came to LA. I was working working as an actor, and I got to the point where I, I realized that I didn't love the industry. I'm always performing on stage, and I trained classically, you know, in the theater. So coming to LA and working more in film and television, even though I had envisioned that being my career, it just wasn't the direction I ultimately felt right in.

Yeah.

And the way that women's bodies are objectified in the industry is something that I really struggled with because I'm someone who has struggled with their weight appearance my whole life. So I recognized from my own mental health perspective that I either had to choose to be part of the change in the industry and keep going, or I had to make a shift. I had already begun making shifts and moving more into voiceover acting and had sort of started to cut down on things and worked. I had worked always in fashion part-time to pay my bills, and I was leaning more into that. But an opportunity became available for me to move into business management. And I was really excited because I've always loved supporting small local business and that's exactly what this was. So I grabbed the brass ring and I made this change and started a whole new career and it was super exciting. And for the first time I was working for a chocolatier. So it was the biggest relief, you know, where I had been worried about my body for all these years. And then I was like, "Oh, you can't sell those? I'll eat them." You know? So it was great because I was really embracing not worrying about my body for the first time in 30-plus years. So that was pretty incredible, and I was loving the work. It was a lot of stress. I was the right-hand woman to a woman who owned her own business, you know, a lot of stress, a lot of work. But what happened was that about a year in, I started getting really sick, and I was experiencing functional exhaustion, cognitive decline.

It—

there were days where I just couldn't get out of bed, and I was I was filling out receipts and financial reports wrong, and my boss was like, "What's going on here?" You know? So this was going on, and I turned 34. My birthday's in August, and I remember the weekend of my birthday, got together with friends, celebrated my birthday. So this was in— oh God, now I have to do the math. It was my 34th birthday. It was 3 years ago, 3, almost 4 years ago. And I'm revealing my age to you. I mean, I did hint that I was born in the '80s, so. But I— I woke up on the Monday and realized that that whole weekend I had been in bed for 40 hours.

Whoa.

So of the 48-hour weekend, I had been— I had slept for 40 hours. And I was like, something's really wrong. So that Monday I called my boss and I said, listen, I need to go to the doctor's office first thing. Are you cool if I come in a little late today? She was like, no problem. So I went to the doctor's office. And the nurse practitioner who saw me had the wherewithal to order an autoimmune panel, which revealed that I had an autoimmune disease. We didn't exactly know what, we had suspicions, but she was like, "I think you have a thyroid autoimmune condition and you need to go see a rheumatologist and an endocrinologist." And this is one of the things with thyroid conditions is that a GP will refer you to two different specialists.

Yeah.

And it becomes a lot of cooks. Luckily, they referred me to two different specialists and I was like, "Why two? This is like a lot." I ended up seeing both endocrinologists and rheumatologists and I just, the rheumatologist that I saw, I just didn't really like their approach. They wanted to give me opioids for joint pain and I was like, "I have some joint pain, but that's not my chief complaint. Like, I don't have RA, I don't think." And the endocrinologist is sort of where I landed. It was my first experience of understanding that I had my own free will in medicine, you know, that I didn't have to go keep seeing this one doctor if it was working with another. And, and this experience was further sort of reinforced by an experience of medical gaslighting. So for, for people who are tuning in who don't know what that is, it's when a practitioner tells you that something is in your head when it's not. So I was seeing an endocrinologist for several months. At this point, we're like in December, right? So it's like 4 months later and I still haven't been given a diagnosis. And I'm reading up about things and doing my own independent research, and I suspect it's Hashimoto's disease, which is an autoimmune disease of the thyroid that causes hypothyroidism or an underactive thyroid. I had all of the hallmark symptoms of the illness, and I had the labs to back it up. And she had— this endocrinologist had put me on thyroid hormone replacement therapy. Typically, women are prescribed Synthroid when they're underactive with their thyroids. So she put me on it, and I was sitting in her office 4 months later without a diagnosis. And she had been— I remember when I first went to see her, she was like, oh, you poor thing, you've been through so much. Like, we're gonna get you better. She was really caring, and I really trusted her. And here we were 4 months months later on medication, still feeling horrible. And I looked at her and I, I was like, so, you know, what's the news on the labs that we just did? And all this kind of stuff. And she looked at her paper in front of her, and then she looked at me and she was like, well, you're doing great.

What?

And I was like, exactly, thank you. I was like, what? I, I, I, I was stunned. First of all, it was like, you know, 8 or 9 in the morning because I was going before work and I'm not functional at those hours. So, and I was dealing with fatigue. So I was like, huh, what? You know, and I like looked back at her and I was like, I don't think I'm doing okay. I don't think I'm doing so great. I'm, I still feel horrible. And she was like, well, your numbers are fine. So I think just keep on with that. And I was like, yeah, but I'm telling you, like, I don't feel any different. And she looked at me And she said, "Well, maybe it's time to see a psychiatrist." Oh. Yeah.

And— Did you wake up at that point?

No, I didn't, to be quite honest with you. It wasn't until after I left the appointment that I was like, "What just happened in there?" And I think this is an experience that's so common among women in particular, but any marginalized group in medical— complicated medical situations, right?

Yeah.

You know, we often second-guess ourselves. We often are willing to believe what a doctor is telling us because we just don't know what else to believe. Because this is my first experience of chronic illness, you know, that wasn't related to my mental health. And the irony is that if she had really looked at my chart, she would have known that I had a psychiatrist on my team who I was seeing.

Yeah.

So I didn't need to be told to go and see one. I was already doing it, you know, and that was a separate issue.

Yeah.

And I remember walking out of the appointment and sort of like, you know, going, paying on my way out and calling my mom from the car. And I called her and I told her what had happened. And she was like, "First of all, you're never seeing that doctor again." And I was like, "Hang on a second. What do you mean?" Like, I'd never had the experience where it was like, cool, we're not gonna— I'd had the too many cooks thing where I had changed my endocrinologist, but I'd never had the like, we will find a different endocrinologist conversation, right? We will find a different doctor who's better suited to you. This is what my mother was telling me. And I was like, I'm sorry.

Computer says no. I couldn't compute.

And she was like, there's something wrong with that woman and you need a diagnosis and we need to get you in to see the right kind of doctor. And this began the several months long process of finding me a doctor who specialized in thyroid treatment. I had a friend recommend that I look into functional medicine. I was too tired to do the research. And I was at this point calling into work and not able to show up until about 3 in the afternoon. So I'd work like 3 hours a day. And my poor boss is like, "I can't rely on you. I don't know what's happening." And I was like, "I can't even rely on me, so I don't blame you." Yeah. And eventually my mom was able to find a practitioner in functional medicine who specialized in thyroid disorders and autoimmune conditions and got me in to see this woman. And functional medicine changed my world. I found out as soon as I went to see her that the endocrinologist whose job it was to understand my thyroid was testing one number when she needed to test 4 or 5. And this is pretty typical in thyroid care approaches from a traditional Western medicine point of view.

Right.

Often the labs they do is like they just test one number when they need to also be testing your T3, your T4, your TPO, all these different numbers because of the presence of the autoimmune condition. And if she had been testing these other numbers, she would have seen that my T3 was really low and that I happen to be a patient who often with thyroid conditions, you know, you can be handed the Synthroid, but for some of us, it's like the way you take vitamin D to absorb calcium. You need to take something else in order to absorb the thyroid hormone.

Right.

And my functional medicine doctor was like, let's get you on combo therapy, is what they call it for thyroid.

Wow.

It made me a functional human. And that was happening. The one other— I mean, the one good thing that the endocrinologist had sort of led me in the direction of was that during the course of treatment with her, she'd also said, I think your sleep isn't good and you should get a sleep study because I think maybe you have sleep apnea. And I was like, okay. And it turned out I did actually have obstructive sleep apnea. So here I am now with this, these two diagnoses of obstructive sleep apnea and Hashimoto's disease. And with the sleep apnea, there are not a ton of treatments. None of them are 100% effective. And it took me 2 years to arrive on the treatment that actually worked for me. With the thyroid, I mean, by the time I actually got in to see the doctor, it was probably a year since I'd been diagnosed. And then there are years beyond that of changing up your medications. So it took me about 3 years. We're now—

Wow.

Here we are 3 years later, and now I'm functional. But what I discovered in the course of it, and I had to leave my job in the course of all of this because I couldn't function at work and didn't know what was happening. I had to spend a full year healing and working on my healing. And thank God I had family who supported me both financially and emotionally through that. And I know that a lot of people don't have that. And it is incredible how lonely it can be to go through an experience like this when no one else understands what's going on but you. When you know that there's something physiological going on, when people want to be able to help you but they can't, when you're getting advice that isn't the advice that's helping you. And all I wanted was community, right? And I couldn't find it. And during the course of this year that I was healing, I was having conversations with people and explaining to them what was going on. And a few of my friends started, I mean, a few, I mean like 90% of the people I know, largely women, started coming out of the woodwork because I'd been working in women's health activism as well and writing about periods and like, why aren't we even talking about periods?

Yeah, why is that so fupa?

Yeah, why is that like, we bleed, big whoop.

This is why the world has people in it.

Yeah, exactly. Like, oh look, I have a functional uterus, you know? So like, I was already writing about period equity from that point of view and period awareness, you know, just like feminine hygiene, all that kind of stuff. And I started saying to my friends, like, this is what's going on with me and like, this is the struggle I'm going through. And I cannot tell you how many people turned around and were like, oh yeah, I had a thyroid health crisis years ago, or oh, I have this disease that I never told you. Like, people I lived with close friends. And I was like, why aren't we talking about this stuff? Like, it made me— I was shocked, you know. And so I was working as a voice actor. I had a microphone. I was having conversations that were leading to some sense of community or something, but they were— whatever they were doing, I knew that they were nourishing me as much as they were nourishing the people I was talking to. And so I hit record on them and I launched my podcast, Uninvisible Pod, in early 2018. So it's— we're coming up on 2 years now. Oh, sorry, early 2019. So we're coming up on 2 years. And it has become my work, my world, my healing, my soft place to land, my everything.

Yeah.

And has helped me create a community of people who are going through the same stuff, who are willing to share their journeys so generously and openly, and where we're talking about some really tough stuff. Like, a lot of the stuff that comes up on the show is like, how come this is happening more to women? How come this is happening more to people of color? How come this is happening more to the trans community? You know, every layer of identity that makes us more susceptible to a lack of care. We're investigating that in these conversations. So they're hard conversations to have, but I find them to be so necessary. And like, they have changed the way I see the world. And they've happened, I mean, just in the nick of time because it all developed under the presidential administration that tore us apart and tore us asunder. You know, I will not mention names. And so it doesn't get publicity. Danger Yam does not get publicity from me. So, you know, finding that in a world where things felt more splintered than ever, that we actually— I was creating a community and coming together with people who were like-minded, who were open, who wanted to learn, who had giant hearts and wanted to open them up to me. It absolutely has, like, paved the way to a much fuller understanding for me that the personal is political, that your body is political, especially if you're female, you know, and, and beginning to understand the experiences of people who may not look like me or have the same background as me, and seeing things from different perspectives on much deeper levels. And it's like, it's really hit the empathy and compassion tap for me real hard, and I hope it has as well for the people who tune into my show because It's changed my world.

OK, so you have said a lot.

I was like, that was the short version.

I was like, while you were talking, I'm like, oh, I have a question. Oh, well, I'm going to let her keep going because I don't want to stop her.

No, ask, ask, ask.

Yeah, so I mean, first and foremost, I think if anyone has experienced any level of chronic illness, we can all— like, our hearts are totally feeling you. Like, there's a point where you're sharing, like, there's things we haven't even heard of. As a chronic illness person myself, hearing words like gaslighting. And if you say that to a friend or if I say that to my husband, I'm going to have to explain that to him. He's like, wait, what? I'm like, yeah, it's basically when people don't listen to you. And it's just like these common conversations that we have with people who are living with whatever we have and trying to explain that to other people sometimes who have not had those experiences or maybe they have and they didn't even realize they had them. So there's that conversation. And one of the things— One of the things you were saying is like, you know, when your mom was like, hey, we need to find someone else new. So I was like, in that process, when you were talking to your mom, were you like, wait, what are you talking about, Mom? Like, what do you mean I need to— why do I need to find— were you trying to figure out what she meant by that?

No. I think one of the things about my relationship with my mom is that she's my best friend. And absolutely my fiercest advocate. And when she said that, the forcefulness with which she communicated it at the time, and because I was still in such a daze and cognitively impaired, I leaned into it. There's been a lot of leaning in in this journey, you know? Maybe not in the way that Sheryl Sandberg intended, but, like, I had to put my trust in her. I had to take on what she was saying because I didn't know what else to do. I was at my wit's end. I knew that there was an answer that was out there. I mean, this is the other part of my story, right, is that I never once entertained the idea that I wouldn't get better. And that was, in many ways, a conscious decision, but in many ways, an unconscious one. And I want people to understand that who are tuning in because— because it is a choice. I do believe it is a choice, you know? And having— because I had the support network, because I had this person show up for me in such a huge way and say, "Nope, this is what we're doing now," and I knew I could hand the reins over to her, it was a massive relief. It was like, "Okay, great, cool. Report back to me when you find a doctor," you know? Because I couldn't— I had to do— one thing at a time. Like, there was no multitasking in my life at that point. There was no— it was absolutely— things were in silos. And of course, that's how the medical system wants to see us. Yeah, they want to see our body in silos. So yeah, I mean, I certainly, in— upon reflection, I look back and I go, oh yeah, I ask all those questions. But right in the moment, I threw myself at her feet and said you tell me what to do because I have no idea. And luckily I have the kind of relationship with her where I know she's going to make a wise decision on my behalf, where I know that if she has questions, she'll come to me, you know, where I, I can trust her, her intellect and her emotional intelligence on that stuff. But I cannot tell you how aware I've become of how many people don't have that, right? And it's not a question of like haves and have-nots in that sense. It's more a question of like Okay, if we don't have it, how do we find it? Because it is out there. Yeah. And while I wasn't successful in finding it, I'm quite a go-getter, and in that sense, I was able to create it. Yeah, yeah.

You know, so there was something else that you mentioned about just like going through the individual places. You know, my husband always says like, why can't we just go to one place and then look at your whole body as a whole body, right? Like, he's like like, you know, what does that look like? And so there was a term that you used too called functional medicine. Like, what does that mean? Because I know a lot of people don't know what that means. So if you could describe what that means.

So functional medicine is aligned with integrative medicine, if you've heard of that as well. Both are about a root cause approach. So one thing you'll find in— when I say traditional Western medicine, I mean like going to your doctor or your GP, as opposed to your functional medicine practitioner, or perhaps a holistic practitioner like an acupuncturist or, you know, a yoga teacher and things like that, which for some people is like out there and woo woo, right? And I mean, look, I told you I grew up in Manhattan. I never did woo woo. I don't do woo woo. And yet what I have discovered is it's not just about this root cause approach where Western medicine puts medication on things, right? Like, doctors have 15 minutes with you and they have often got partnerships with pharmaceutical companies. And so within those 15 minutes, they're going to determine you've got this problem, I'm going to prescribe this medication. That's all they have time for. Many of them want to do more than that, but they're strapped by the system.

Right.

And functional medicine practitioners don't tend to have a limit on the time that they spend with you. But I remember the first time I met— because now I have a few different practitioners— the first time I met my integrative endocrinologist, who I see now, who's amazing and has been on my show, she said to me, "So you were born, and then?" And I was like, I looked around like, am I being punked right now? Like, you know, what doctor asks for a history of your life, right? Kind of what you did at the beginning of this interview. Like, what doctor does that? Yeah, but the approach there is one of, okay, well You're now dealing with this and you came from this, but we know that disease doesn't occur in a silo, just like your body isn't separated into different parts. And while we have specialists who work on particular parts of your body, we also know that your lifestyle has a huge impact on disease development and progression. And so being able to look at my lifestyle and go, oh, Oh wow, I was so stressed at work that the stress may have been a trigger. Oh wow, I have these markers genetically that may have contributed to this issue because I was eating this food. Oh wow, you know, this, the lack of sleep may have caused this problem because I've not been recycling at all overnight. So understanding, you know, my food, my exercise, my relationships, my, in functional medicine, I'm actually, I'm actually starting to train as a functional medicine health coach now because it changed my life so much and I'm so excited about the work. And we call these things outside of your diagnoses primary foods, right? So there's the food you put in your body, but your primary foods are your relationships. They are how you're nourishing yourself spiritually, emotionally. So being able to address those issues those, as well as addressing issues of actual medication, which is— for me, it was like a two-pronged approach because I have to be on medication for the rest of my life. I have an autoimmune disease. There's no other way around that. But it was as much about looking at my sleep, looking at, is this work life serving me? I mean, I had to leave it anyway. Is— are my relationships serving me? Are there some toxic relationships that I need to look at there? Is my relationship with my myself okay.

Yeah.

You know, we've seen studies on plants where kids say good things to one plant and horrible things to the other, and they have the exact same circumstances growing the whole time except for the way they're talked to. And the plants that are talked to poorly die.

Yeah.

And it's the same thing when we talk to ourselves that way. So, you know, it's been certainly lifelong work, but certainly something that I have tapped into in the last 3, 4 years even more intensely has been learning to figure out the fact that I'm a miracle, you know, and, and to love myself. Like, that's a— that's really hard when you're born into a world where Eve ate the apple and tried to get Adam to do it too, you know. Like, when you're born into the world as a woman, this world, it's like you're already working at a deficit. And so I definitely took on those messages that I had to second-guess myself and that I was maybe inferior. I also didn't believe it, but it was so culturally embedded, how could I not? And then I was part of the entertainment industry, which was no good for my mental health. So learning to love myself in all of that and leaning in when I needed rest and leaning in when I need, all of this balance and rebalance. I hope that I just explained functional medicine.

No, you did.

That was the long version.

Yeah, I mean, that's the thing. A lot of people don't realize that that is even a thing. I mean, along my own personal journey with chronic illness, I hadn't even heard that term. My parents didn't know what that meant. So I mean, there are things that from a cultural place in general, some of us are already at a deficit, if you will, or not having those type of conversations because they're like faux pas. Like, you know, like you're not going to talk about these things. I mean, just growing up, I think I was talking to another girl in an episode that's not out yet, you guys, but we were talking about just from the aspect of being chronically ill and being a woman in this particular generation right now. Like, I was born in the '80s, she was born in the '80s, and, you know, I have these conversations with my parents and they're completely oblivious. Like, not on purpose, they just don't know. Like, they just haven't had those thoughts, you know. And I, I feel like for me, from a personal experience, like, I think my grandparents kind of experienced life differently, and so then our parents experience life differently. And then this generation of people are like so into like, I'm gonna figure this out, I need to know what's going on, I'm— and it's okay to stand up for your own body. And I think it's kind of crazy that— I always feel like it's always so crazy that when people are like, hey, yeah, you got to look at your body like in parts. And I'm like, but that doesn't make any sense. You know, it's— our bodies are connected in such a wonderful way that it would make sense that, you know, they would work either with each other or work against it. And so for doctors to take it from a standpoint of like, oh, this, oh, that, and separate it, it's really frustrating for a lot of people who are like, but no, I feel I feel this and I know it's affecting this. And like you said, 15 minutes is not long enough. 15 minutes is not long enough. I remember the first time I was talking to a doctor too, and they were like, so tell me about your life. And I was like, dude, what?

Yeah, what kind of doctor are you?

Exactly.

You feel like you landed on the witch doctor and you're not sure whether you need to run or actually tell the story.

Exactly. You're looking at them like, what do you mean? Like, you mean like my life, like in the last 24 hours? Or do you mean like my life? Like, you're like, I need I need some clarification in this. And I think just from the fact of having conversations like this and other people sharing their stories of like things that they have experienced and what kind of roles they've taken in their own health journey is something that I think is lacking, especially in the women's community. I feel like it's been, like you said, this hush faux pas. And I don't, I don't know if it's like an American cultural thing. Or if it's like a world cultural thing? Because there are some cultures of women that I've met that their parents are very— like, their mothers are very in tune of like, you should be eating this, you should be taking care of this, you should say no to that, you know, all those different kind of things. Has that been your experience of talking to other women being like, maybe it's a cultural thing, not necessarily like a, you know, an American thing or a UK thing?

Honestly, I think it's a Western thing. And I've talked to people all over the world.

All over the world—

well, I say all over the world, so far it's been UK, Australia, and the US, and that's expanding more and more. And I've talked to people who like maybe were born in Africa and moved over to the States and stuff like that, but generally speaking, any westernized culture, we're gonna be dealing with the body in silos. And if someone has, as you say, like a mom who is maybe more physically attuned or attuned to the cycles of the moon or nature or whatever. That mom is always going to have been thought of as a woo-woo person. Yeah. But guess what? She was right all along. You know, it's interesting, I was having this conversation with my friends last night because we were talking about this recent episode of The Daily, which is a podcast that a few of us listened to from The New York Times, and about how this woman had theorized that there was a communication network between trees. And she wanted to research it, but all of the men around her were like, "Yeah, but what about profit and loss? And what about—" Like, they wanted numbers and they wanted data and they wanted— I mean, I haven't listened to the episode. This is my friend's interpretation. But, you know, it was almost like the male influence there was one of, "How do we make this a business prospect? How do we make the numbers work in our favor?" And she was like, "I just think trees talk to each other, and we need to find out about it." You know? And she was attuned to nature in that way. This is not to say that men are not attuned to nature, or, you know, that they're lacking in any kind of emotional or natural intelligence in any way, but I do think that this connection to source is something that basically, if you're doing things right, you're gonna spend your whole life getting back to it. Mm-hmm. You know, when you're born in the Western world, at least, We're born into systems and structures. We're born into a culture. I mean, even my friends who I've spoken to on the show who were born in Africa, there were still stigmas attached to their diagnoses, you know? And I've spoken to someone in Singapore and there were stigmas with her diagnosis too. I think really like any deviation from perfectly healthy and normal.

Which is crazy because nobody is perfectly healthy and normal. Like even if you're walking around and you've never been to a doctor, I guarantee you something is wrong with you. Yeah, like something, you know what I'm saying?

Like, I, I just— this is part of it too, right? Is that like people have started coming to me and being like, okay, so I always thought I was healthy, but I don't poop, or like, you know, I don't eat right. I'm like sharing my own story, but you know what I mean? It's like, it's, it's like people start realizing that like, oh, this is a little off and that's a little off, and like all these biohackers are optimizing either because they've been sick or because something's off, you know? And I think it's understanding that like chronic illness, it has a stigma attached to it because of the word illness or the word disease, you know, or condition, chronic condition. But ultimately it's that like we're all individual. And embracing that individualism, not from the perspective that it has been embraced over the last 4 years in the administration in the White House, But from the point of view of, you know, let's just look at everyone as a special case and do things case by case and understand that like what happens in your gut might very well affect what happens in your brain. What happens in your gut might very well affect what diagnoses you end up having. I mean, you don't have an autoimmune disease unless you have a gut problem, you know? So it's like understanding the interconnectedness of all these systems, this is something that we have to sort of unravel from our traditional understanding of anatomy and medicine. And there are doctors out there who are doing that.

Yeah. That's the good news. And I think what's cool too is like, I feel like for us who have been doing the chronic illness journey for so long, we have fortunately, and I do say fortunately, you know, some of us haven't yet had those moments where someone reached out to us who does know that there's something more than the traditional Western medicine that can help you to kind of create that journey for you, like to, to see something that there's a possibility of feeling better. So there's a thought that I've always, you know, I truly, I believe this and I always like to ask people like, so do you believe that there is power in surrendering to the thing that is actually wrong so that you can move on.

Absolutely. Because if you don't acknowledge that it's happening, it's like a leak. Yeah. Figure you've got a leak in your bathroom. If you pretend that's not happening, it's just going to get worse. Right. It's going to get bigger and then you're going to have to move out of your house. But you can't do that in your body. You can't pick another body. And I mean, isn't it something with these 12-step programs, like acknowledging the problem is the first step, you know? And I absolutely think that's true. Of chronic illness and also understanding that everyone's got something going on. We all have some kind of problem and embracing that and understanding that there are more of us who are chronically ill than not, that our healthcare system is a sick care system. It's not designed to prevent, it's designed to treat when there's a problem. And that's where functional medicine and integrative medicine can actually be preventive tools. So if you're able to access those things, and this is the other thing, is that there's an access issue there, right? You know, often functional and integrative medicine aren't covered by insurance. So it's either finding, searching down the rabbit hole and finding the practitioners who are covered, or shelling out the cash, or finding ways to fund. I mean, the number of people I know who fund medical treatments through GoFundMe is staggering. Staggering, yeah. It's much higher than it should be. It shouldn't be that way at all, you know? So there are a lot of issues with that in this country in particular. But yeah, knowing that you have to be okay, it's that leaning in, isn't it? It's that hardcore leaning in and going, okay, all right, this is happening, so let's take care of it. It's a crack that you don't fix keeps getting bigger, right? A hole in your sweater is gonna keep getting bigger. You're feeling it's gonna keep getting bigger. So like a leak in your gut, that's gonna it's going to keep getting bigger. Your fatigue is going to keep getting bigger. Your cognitive decline may keep getting bigger. Your depression might keep getting bigger. Go, go treat it.

Go talk to someone who's open to talking about it. Yeah. Yeah. So I want to kind of shift gears real quick here. So starting this podcast, The Uninvisible Pod, like I mentioned at the very beginning, it's like one of those things like, do we talk about this? Do we talk about this? Is there like fear around like, was there like, like, fear and stress, or were you just, like, ready to be the one who's like, "Hey, we're talking about this, and y'all just get down with it"? Like, what was that like for you?

Honestly, I don't think I ever considered the fear. I think if I've ever been afraid of anyone, it's actually been my own inner critic. So it's never what other people would think. It's always been about, like, are you worthy? You know, am I worthy enough? Enough, which being chronically ill and going through all the things my body has been through and going through the medical system as a chronically ill woman is something that makes you question whether or not you're worthy constantly. And so I'd already been working through that stuff and, and had to recognize that part of the healing was an understanding that like I'm more than worthy. So when it came to doing the podcast, I mean like I'm also a Leo, I'm very like— and yeah guys, I like astrology and I believe in it, you know, like I, I'm I'm very much about speaking up and speaking out. And in all of my work prior to this, as an actor, working in small business management, all of that work had the— its vital importance to me had been in story and had been in being able to change the way people see a story by giving them a different perspective, being able to offer additional information or perspective And that's what I've always been passionate about. And so I think it was a really natural progression for me to talk about this stuff. I was already doing it, like I started doing it on Facebook and, you know, I was writing about it and I was talking to friends about it. So yeah, I think I sort of passed the point of no return. I don't think I ever stopped to wonder whether or not it was appropriate to talk about this stuff 'cause I was like, no one is. So if I don't, And of course, I discovered that plenty of people were as I got into the world. I'm not the first person to be a patient advocate, but you know, outside of patient advocacy— But there are not enough. There are not enough, and there is not enough diversity either. I mean, a big problem I think with the patient advocacy world is that it's heavily white-dominated, and that's something that I've actively been trying to change people's idea of with the show. But it is, yeah, I don't think I ever really questioned it. I think at that point, I had so fully embraced this new approach and this new lifestyle and who I was becoming that I was like, there's nowhere else to go. This is where we're headed. We might as well lean in. Yeah. Yeah.

So what are some tools for someone who is listening to the show right now and it's like, I could be— this kind of sounds like my life. I'm dealing with this and doctors are telling me that there's nothing wrong and I'm okay. But I'm still in crazy pain. I still can't sleep. I still can't eat. Like, what are some of the things that you could share with someone who's like, where do you go? Where do you go? Like, where do you go when you're feeling like, where do I go? Yeah.

So a couple of thoughts that come to mind there. The first thing is, I don't want anyone to go down like the Google rabbit hole and like— Don't do it. —you know, go on WebMD and decide they're dying because that's not happening. You know, but I do think— that seeking information from reliable sources and doing your own research is really helpful in that way. I also think that this is where health coaches are, are really important because finding a health coach and health coaching is often not covered by insurance. This is another access issue. However, there are people out there who offer sliding scales, who offer group coaching. So if you start looking, you may be able to find something that works in your budget. You might be surprised. And if you reach out to people and say, I'm having trouble affording this, you'd be surprised with how many of us have dealt with chronic illness and really want to help you. Yeah, I—

that's how I got to where I am, you know, having a health coach, and I'm so grateful for that. Yeah, totally.

Yeah. So I think health coaches— like, find a health coach if you can, because you'll be able to go through a full health history with them, and they may be able to point you in the right direction in terms of specialists, and they might be able to actually give you the tools to then go to your GP and get the referral that you need. So that would certainly be a port of call. I also think if you're dealing with— maybe you're dealing with a diagnosis too, but you don't know where to go, I actually created a free resource with, like, not to sort of toot my own horn here, but I created a free resource.

It's okay, toot away.

A friend and collaborator on— it's a totally free ebook you can download on my website, and it's called Hacking Healthcare. And one of the things that's helpful in it that, like, I had to learn in this process is that I we listed everything that is like, if you have a problem in this part of your body, this is the doctor you need to see. So like, if you have a kidney problem, you need to see a nephrologist. Did you know what a nephrologist was before? Never heard of it, y'all. I didn't. Never heard. Yeah. So that's the kind of thing where then you can go to your GP and say, I'm having an issue with this part of my body and I need to see this specialist, you know? And doing it with the help and support of a health coach is a great way to do it. If you can afford it, just go straight to a functional medicine doctor. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. But I think also then seeking community is huge, whether you do it in the Chronicom community, the way you and I connected, founded by our friend Nikita Williams. Whether you do it on Facebook groups or on Instagram, just looking up hashtags that are connected to the symptoms that you're feeling, you may be surprised what you will find because there is a lot out there. And find the thing that works for you. You know, I stayed out of those Facebook groups and stuff because I found that they were are largely like pretty down. A lot of Debbie Downers in there. Yeah. Um, you get a lot of like what one of my good friends calls symptom porn, where people are like, I feel horrible today and I just wanted you to know. And like, I'm not here for that narrative, you know? Like, I'm here for like— I'm here for when you feel horrible, but I'm also waiting for you to figure out how to feel better, right? So, or like trying to offer you tools to do that. So I think find what works for you, you may want to be in that group that's like, we all feel like crap and here's why. Like, that might work for you, but for me it didn't, and that's part of the reason I also wanted to create my own community. But I think look around, do some research, you know, get the free resources that you can to maximize your use of the healthcare system to work for you. Unfortunately, we live in a country where you have to do the work to customize your health plan But, and I understand the burden emotionally, physically, in every way because the number of hours I have spent on the phone with healthcare people and health insurance, I mean, it is— Crazy. It's kind of a joke in the Spoonie community. It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. So yeah, and you know, when you're a sick person, you have less energy to put into the stuff and they want you to work harder for it. But there are groups out there trying to change it. There are groups out there who are bringing stories to the Hill so that, that, you know, drug makers will reduce their pricing and the healthcare system will become more accessible to all. So finding those people who are aligned with your goals might light you up as well. But I certainly think do your research, look at reputable sources. So don't just search something and look at the first article, make sure it's from the Mayo Clinic or the Cleveland Clinic or, you know, PubMed or something that is— medically sound, right? And then look for that community. And like, if you know you're having pain in your uterus, for example, like, look up uterine pain, look up vulvodynia, or, you know, women's pain. I mean, there is a whole podcast called Tight Lift, by the way, that is all about women's pain, and it's really fabulous, you know. So there's just— there's more and more out there. When I started my podcast 2 years ago, there was, I mean, 80% less than what— like, in the last 2 years, the growth that I've seen in patient advocacy has been astronomical. So totally agree. Yeah, yeah. I think get a health coach if you can. Ask them what they offer if you're having trouble paying for it. Like, ask them what they can do for you. Everyone wants to help. That's the thing. We want to help. So yeah, health coach, research, community.

Yeah, I love that. Those are exactly the things that I You know, for me, my journey changed because of that. And literally because of all those three things. And community, the other thing I want to say about community, you guys, is that community that understands your journey, like community of people who have chronic illness, it does make a difference. Like my husband is like, I always joke with everybody, but he doesn't really get sick. And when he does, oh God, let's pray. Yeah, like the man flu, right? But I have friends who have chronic illness and there are times where I can share this with my husband and I love him. He's the greatest supporter, but he will look at me like a deer in headlights. Like he doesn't understand it. And so I have created a community around me where I can call them and they're like, "No, you're totally right." Like at the very beginning of COVID I was like, "Why is everyone freaking out?" Like this is like, I get why everybody is, but like—

Well, 'cause they don't know how to be stuck at home like we do.

Exactly. So I'm like, "Why is toilet paper out of stock?" Like, I don't understand. And then I was talking to— I was talking to my friends and I was like, you know what? They're like, she brought it to my attention. She's like, because we live like this all the time. We always have hand sanitizer. We have stayed at home for months upon months because we are more likely, because of our immune system is down in the guts and we know we can't really be around people. We've done the self-isolating thing. So not that to say like other communities that don't deal with chronic illness are bad, not at all, but you need to find a piece of community that knows exactly how you feel and you can talk about that and find resources. Because, you know, we can go to Facebook and see those groups that are all Debbie Downer, but that doesn't really serve where you want to go, which is to hopefully find ways to manage and get better in your situation. So you want to find communities like that because that's what's going to allow you to thrive. That's what's going to allow you to grow beyond where you are. And so I love that you mentioned that. That's like, those three things are so important. And I think the moment I made those decisions in my own personal life, my personal journey, it changed everything.

So, and I think a health coach can help with that too. Like, I mean, I love health coaching, I think it's amazing, but I think having someone who can support you through that mindset shift— yes, that's what health coaches do, you know? Like, we're there to hold your hand when you're not sure if you can keep pushing. We're there to remind you you can. That is the main role of a health coach. So having someone who can support you psychologically or emotionally as well as from a holistic health perspective, I think, is so vital. And I still have to consciously make that choice every day to wake up and be okay. It doesn't change the fact that I'm still working against my body sometimes, but the more you practice practice that shift, the easier it becomes, the more innate it becomes. And I think it's about giving ourselves the grace to create change long-term by creating incremental change over longer periods of time so that it's sustainable. Yeah, exactly.

Well, I want to say thank you so much for coming on and sharing your story and sharing those tips and tools with us. I think it's, it's just been really great to have that conversation with you. So thank you so much, Lauren, for being having you on the show.

Thank you so much, Nikita. I've had such a great time. Like, my heart and my mind are all exploding with little joy bubbles. And yeah, love the mind meld. So yeah, thank you. I've just had a great conversation.

This has been awesome. Thank you. Well, tell us real quick where we can find you, like on social media and all that jazz.

Yeah, of course. So across social media, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, I'm @uninvisiblepaw. And so please follow along. Instagram is the main feed, and then you can find me at uninvisiblepod.com. Awesome. Thank you. Thanks so much, Nikita Williams.

All right, ladies, that is a wrap. I hope you enjoyed our conversation today. As Lauren mentioned, she is studying to be a certified health and wellness coach, which is super cool because she can further serve her community of women and people living with chronic illness and Disabilities. I am just really excited that she shared her very candor, real life experience with living with multiple chronic illnesses, as well as what she's done to help her in her path to healing. If you would like to connect with her, please feel free to visit our show notes, and that can be found at sheescrafted.com. And in the meantime, remember, yes, yes, ladies, you are crafted to thrive.