How to Navigate Times of Uncertainty and Change

Welcome to She's Crafted to Thrive. I'm your host Nikita Williams, and this show is for all the ladies who are making and creating things that they love. You will hear conversations about the real everyday struggles of juggling life and business while trying to maintain passion and harmony. As women, we have the skill of getting things done, but sometimes we get in our own way. It's here where you'll see that you're not alone. You'll discover that success does not mean perfection. Fear and negative Thoughts and challenges are all a part of the journey, and on this podcast you'll find the inspiration and tools you need to have a life and business that thrives. Welcome back to the She's Crafted to Thrive podcast with me, your host Nikita Williams. This will be my last episode in 2020. I cannot believe we are already in December. This year has been the longest and the fastest year ever. Um, I sent an email out to my subscribers on my email list, and I was telling them that I had a conversation with a friend, and we were just talking about how this year has at the same time felt the longest shortest year. Like, things— time has— time has had— time has gotten crazy in 2020. Like, in a day you can feel like, oh my gosh, can this day be any longer? And the day after or the week after, you're thinking, oh my gosh, it's been a week and here we are in December. Um, so yeah. Completely crazy. Um, but what I'd like to talk to you guys, um, first is to give you a little update on Nikita Williams' health journey, um, in the year 2020. And then I'm gonna hop in to share with you guys, um, what can help you while going into 2021. And I hope this can change your perspective on how 2020 has been. I know it's been hard, and there have been so many things for all of us that we have been trying to deal with, um, on like high nerve alert, right? Like everything kind of feels like tingly and goosebumpy because everything is just so raw from an emotional standpoint, from a mental standpoint. Um, so I will be sharing with you something that has helped me throughout my chronic illness journey for the past 12 years that has helped me kind of deal with moments like this or long, prolonged moments like this that I've found has really served me well this year. And I'll be sharing that in a little bit. But I wanted to give you guys an update on me. So I don't remember the last time I talked to you guys about what's going on with my health. But earlier this year, like right before COVID happened, I started to have like really weird pains. Um, that— like, you're like, Nikita, weird pains? Don't you always have those? Like, yes, I always have weird pains, but this was out of the normal. Like, it was completely out of what I'm commonly used to, like my normal of, you know, I wake up, I'm usually at least between the scale of 1 to 10, I'm normally anywhere between 3 and 5. Like, that's just where my normal usually lives, right, for a pain level. Um, and I'm sure that probably would be like a 10 for someone else that doesn't live with pain all the time. So anyway, um, I noticed I was starting to have these weird pains, and this was back in March, so right before COVID like really hit and we went through like the quarantine and all that jazz. And I was just like, you know what, this is okay, I'm fine, I can just deal with it. And it took a couple of months for it to increase, like the pain increased, got worse. And finally, we're in December, so finally around the end of October, I told my husband, I was like, babe, I gotta go to the doctor's office. I don't want to go, but this has gotten worse, and I don't know, I don't want to end up in the hospital because I have to go. I would prefer much more to just go to the doctor's office because I still have the time to do that, to figure out what's going on. And I don't want to go to any doctor's office or any hospital, especially right now during COVID And back in March, when this pain was kind of annoying and it did hurt, moved my 5 to maybe a 6.5, a 7, I just felt like I could deal with it. And now, like, 4 or 5 months later, I can't because the pain's gotten way worse. I can't sleep. I cannot, um, it's waking me up. It's waking me up when I do sleep. It's just, it's just really painful. It's like so painful. And so we went to the doctor. Finally, I made the appointment, went to the doctor. And of course, you guys, COVID has made everything so much more complicated, especially for all my chronic illness warriors out there. You know, it's been a weird thing because obviously we have dealt with pain and we go to the hospitals and we go to the doctor's office, like we have a routine. But now because our immune system is a little bit more compromised than someone who doesn't have a chronic illness per se, it makes like all the things that you do a little bit more nerve-wracking when you have to go into a facility that is taking care of sick people, and they could probably have this crazy contagious thing that's killing so many people, right? So from an emotional, mental standpoint, I had to even get, like, myself ready to even say out loud that I needed to go to the doctor. So if there's anybody listening to this episode and you feel like I do, and you felt like you've gone through this, I'd love to hear from you. Um, because I want to know how you were able to cope with that. How did you get yourself ready mentally to deal with, you know, those thoughts? So for me, it was a lot of prayer, and I was very practical. I wore like all of my protective gear, and I picked a time of day that I thought less people would be in the building at my doctor's office, and that was a little bit helpful. And I just had to get mentally prepared that I'm going into a doctor's office. And also, I kind of shifted my mindset that most likely doctor's offices are probably the more safe place at this point because I had waited so long. They know what they need to do to keep people a little bit more safe. It wasn't like at the very beginning of the pandemic. This is like 6, 7 months in. So those things kind of helped me be okay-ish with going to the doctor. So I was just going to the doctor. So this was not in a hospital or anything like this, it's like in a medical facility, my primary doctor. And they thought I had a kidney stone that kind of just got stuck, right? And they were really concerned because, you know, some of the tests that they took, they're like, yeah, this seems like this is definitely it. And the fact that you haven't taken care of this, it could be really more painful and could be causing internal damage because it's not, you know, coming out. And I was like, okay. So at a regular doctor's office, they don't have like a CT scan. You have to make an appointment to go to the hospital, so, to do the CT scan. Now that was where Nikita completely freaked out. Like, when they said, yeah, we can do a CT scan and then go from there, I was like, that's at a hospital. Like, that's at a hospital where sick people and people who have COVID. And honestly, everything that I've seen on the news is that the hospitals are so packed with people and all this kind of stuff. And, you know, if you don't have to go, don't go. And so that for me was a real, like, like really hard thought process for me to deal with. Cause I, it's not like I could take my husband. They were like, when you go, you can't like take people with you. Um, because we're limiting obviously usually visitors. There aren't any visitors. Anyone that goes in the hospital, you have to be a patient going there for a specific thing, um, and only family can call and get information. They're not allowing like family to join you. So, um, and yeah, it's just a CT scan, right? But a CT scan is in a hospital. So anyway, um, it's scheduled 2 weeks after my doctor's appointment. I think it was a week actually, because they were like, we have to get you in. Yeah, it was like the very following Monday. Had a doctor's appointment on a Thursday, and they're like, we have to get you in. The closest was Monday. So I had the weekend to kind of like really get prepared mentally. Like, you guys, I don't really get anxious about going to the hospital as much as I used to. There's always a level of stress going to the hospital with a chronic illness that's invisible because there are these stigmas and these— there are doctors and nurses that look at your record. Like, I always feel like I have a health prison record or something when I go to the hospital because they're like, oh, so you've been here for this and you've had this. And you're like, you know, you're just feel like you're having like an interrogation of your past history when it goes to the hospital, when you go to the hospital and you're admitted or something like that. And they're like asking these questions and looking at your records and they're like giving this like face of like, oh my gosh, you're one of those hypochondriacs and you just get sick over everything. I'm like, you just have no idea. If I did not have to come here, I would not come here. So anyway, um, there's that kind of stress before COVID Okay, so I don't normally get like really anxious going to the hospital anymore because I've been doing it for so long, but I get prepared, like, and I consider it my warrior mode. Like, I know the things I have to say, how I have to say them, who I need to ask for what things to pack. I always have a go bag for the hospital ready at home. Like, this is my life. Like, this is my life normal before COVID Now you have COVID, and I'm going in for a test at a hospital. So obviously I don't have my, my stuff because it's an outpatient thing. Like, you just go and take the test, and then they call you the next day with the results, right? And so, but it's still inside of a hospital. So I am like having these like crazy thoughts of like, okay, what if people are sick? What if they haven't done this? I don't know what to expect. So I call a good friend who's a nurse and she works in hospital, and I was just like, all of this was just really stressing me out. And she shared with me kind of the protocols that they were doing, and that really did calm my nerves from the aspect of COVID I just felt like I was more mentally prepared. I knew what the people in the hospital were setting up to do, and it would probably take me like an hour to actually physically be in the hospital. So for anybody who's thinking that they need to go to the hospital or something like that, I know from where I went, um, you walk into the doors, there is a table that has a glass— like, not a glass, like a plastic shield— and the nurse on the other side has a mask on, and there's a paper there, um, that they are looking for your name because you have had a schedule— like, this is a scheduled outpatient thing. So they like look for your name on this paper and they say, oh, okay, I see you. Then they write the little— they print the little thing you put on your arm as like, this is who you are, whatever, whatever. And that's it. And you walk in. And so this particular part of the hospital was like really huge and massive. And so the seats were kind of marked out in the distance, like the social distance seeing, which was great. Um, and then I talked to one lady at another desk. Once you walk in, you say, I'm here for this, and they say, okay, great. Then you talk to the lady, um, in financials, you know, to make sure you have your insurance, your copay, and all that jazz. So you do all that paperwork in a separate, slightly smaller room, right? And then from there, you just wait for the nurse to come get you, um, or the technician to come get you to do whatever it is that you need to do. So with all that being said, um, I felt like I really need to share that process because I know if you are thinking, or you have friends, even if you have family that have chronic illnesses and they may not have been going to the doctor or going to the hospital, but they think they need to, I just feel like I needed to share my experience from that. And really honestly, it was fine. I was in and out with it like literally in an hour. Um, and so that was that. And so I got my results the following day and they're like, no, it's not a kidney stone. And I was like, okay, of course it's not. And I knew that. I went into knowing that. I thought to myself and I said to my husband, I don't think it's a kidney stone. I think it's something else because Nikita Williams is not that simple, right? Like, I have all of the random things and that's just not how my body acts. I'm like, yeah, that would probably make sense, a kidney stone, but it's not that. So anyway, um, I then am referred to another specialist and they do a test and they're like, you have IC, which is basically painful bladder syndrome, which is a chronic a chronic condition. There's no real salt for it. You have to change your diet, um, specifically to see what things, um, work— like what things irritate your bladder and all that jazz. And then I had another, um, diagnosis with something else chronic that I don't really feel comfortable sharing. And then, yeah, so in— within the last 2 months, probably since I've done a solo cast, I have 2 new chronic illnesses under my name. Um, so yeah, there's that. So it's been a really interesting, um, health journey for me for the last 2 months. Um, I'm on some new medication that makes my mouth really dry and it makes me have this like weird raspy voice. So if you guys are tuning in, um, and you're like, Nikita, what's going on with your voice? Are you about to lose it? No, it's just my new voice lately, um, because of the medication. So there's that. So if you're thinking you need to go to the doctor or anything like that, um, that was just a story so you can hear, you know, where I am and what maybe you could expect when you have to go to the doctor's office or a hospital for an outpatient type of test. Um, I can tell from an emotional standpoint, this was actually really hard for me, um, because I hadn't had to deal with the medical world per se personally since COVID hit. And so having to make that decision and go through that, I mean, honestly, my husband and I talked about it for, uh, like a week. I think, um, I did a tele— appointment before I even made the decision to go to the doctor's office. My tele-doctor, like over-the-phone doctor video, he was like, you should go to the hospital right away. And I was like, that ain't happening, son. Like, that is not happening. And I talked to my husband, he's like, yo, does he not know what's going on? I'm like, yeah, let's just take that as a grain of salt. And yeah, it's a different— it's a different world when it comes to living with a chronic illness. And, you know, having those things going on with your body and then trying to decide whether or not you should go to the doctor's office or the hospital. So I totally feel you if that has been your experience. I have a couple other— I have several chronic illness friends, and we've all talked about how it's really been difficult, um, because what we're normally used to, even to show support and care for ourselves and our fa— and our family, to show that for us has been really difficult because you cannot go together. And, you know, you have to be your own advocate at that point all the time. You know, there are times where I've gone in the hospital before where I'm in so much pain and, um, almost like knocked out kind of pain where my husband is there and I have no worries that he can speak for me. And right now a lot of people do not have that. They have to be able to speak for themselves or their family and friends have to be on the speakerphone. Like, it's just so much stress around being sick right now. And so if that is you, or if you've experienced that, please know you are in my thoughts and my prayers because I know that it's very difficult. Um, but I wanted to share something for— that has really helped me, not just this year, but with COVID but with life in general as a woman who's living with a chronic illness and running a business, um, are some things that I feel like really can serve you, hopefully, if you view it that way. Um, I do believe that crazy circumstances, no matter what, good or bad circumstances, can create, um, other beautiful opportunities. And even with the yucky and the sucky COVID changing everything, I do believe that there are some positive things that can really help us cope and like make those decisions in life and just dealing with life and business, period. So one of the things, and I know I probably will get a lot of flack for this, But a lot of times we live in what if or when it happens. Like, what if this? What if that? What if? What if? What if? And then we also live in this belief that, okay, I'll do it when— like, I'll be confident when I have, like, $1 million in my bank account, right? And those beliefs, those mindsets do not serve us. They do not help us in any way right now, today, in the present, in the moment. And so sometimes we spend so much time and effort giving into the belief of I'll be happy when, and oh, I wish this didn't happen. And I have found for myself that over the years I have found myself stuck in that loop, and it has caused more stress and more pain than the pain itself or the actual circumstance itself. And I feel like the moment that I embrace the fact and accept what is happening and sitting with the suck, if that makes any sense, sitting with the fact that, yeah, this is really hard. And accepting that, but then thinking about what I can do next, or what I can do right now to make it better, shifts everything. Like, it shifts your brain into problem solving, into thinking more creatively, to getting out of this feeling of being like in chains, right? Or being like in, like jailed in your own body, in your own circumstance. So the moment you almost give in to the fact, like, yes, this is what it is, I accept this, I hate it, but I accept this. And like, what can I learn from this? Like, it changes everything. It changes the way your mind sees things. It changes how you respond and react to things. It's just so helpful and powerful because your brain starts working. It starts trying to figure out what you can do right now to, um, be able to cope and thrive despite this situation that you have now accepted. So I know COVID has done crazy things. It has made things so complicated, and we could sit there and wish and cry and all of those things, and those things are okay. But if we stay in that, like, if we stay in, I wish COVID never happened, I wish COVID didn't this, I wish COVID whatever, or I'm going to do this when COVID's over, I'm going to change this when COVID's over, we will not actually do any of those things, and we will be stuck even after COVID is gone. So I encourage people to embrace a situation in the sense of just surrendering to it and accepting it is what it is. And now let's figure out what we can do, right? And so one of the other things that this enables you to do is just your brain kind of starts thinking about positive things. It starts thinking about, okay, a solution. And for me, with one of my first diagnosis, which was actually endometriosis and then fibro, for a while I allowed the label of those chronic illnesses to make me stay stuck. I was in a constant loop of, why is this happening? Why doesn't anybody know more about this? Why can't I find more information about this? Why, why, why, why, why, why? And what if, like, what if this never happened to me? Like, what if this never happened to me? Would I be like doing some of the things that I absolutely love to do more? And all of the things, like, I can't even think of what they were because it was so long ago. And I have accepted, especially over the last 4 or 5 years, that this is my lot in life. And I'm totally okay with that. But it doesn't mean that I don't have other opportunities available to me. I don't— I now have the ability to see the other opportunities through the circumstances that I live with every day. And so with COVID I feel like we all are experiencing loss and grief, and that is okay. But I also feel like if we don't accept it, we will— like, if we don't accept where we are, we will get stuck in this loop forever, for, for past COVID, right? And because when COVID is over, or when it's like less in our world, and, um, life kind of gets to a new normal— because I don't think it will go back to, um, the old normal because this is just new normal, right? Um, we will still be dealing with the mindset and the beliefs that we have come to create as habits right now. So it's so important to kind of reshift our brains to look at things in a different light. So the second thing that has really helped me through my chronic illness and that has really served me well during 2020 COVID world is really focusing on what I am grateful for. Man, gratitude and positivity is like the neutralizer of negativity. It literally makes you see the things that you need to see in order to create a more positive mindset, a more positive experience in your life, in your circumstances.. And for me, it took me a while to get to that part of being grateful. I was recently watching a live with Nidhika Chopra, who is a chronic illness advocate. She also has a chronic illness community member space, kind of where you can go and really listen to different people who are living with chronic illness. It's a great place to kind of network and connect and just share the unique aspects of living with a chronic illness. And it's a really cool place. And what I really appreciated was she was talking about affirmations, and I believe in affirmations, but I don't believe they work like a magic word. And that's basically what she was saying. And I believe the same in the sense that Being grateful is great, but you have to do the work to actually see what there is to be grateful for. So sometimes we just don't take the time to really embrace and look for what we are grateful for, look for what is positive in our life. And if you struggle with gratitude and finding positivity, I would love for you to go back to listen a couple episodes that I have about how to have a more abundant mindset, a more positive mindset. One of the things that I think really helps is who are you hanging around? And like, who is your circle of friends? More positive or are they more negative? And if there is a person that you really feel like it's really positive and can turn the crazy yucky negative into like Unicorns and rainbows, really connect with them and tell them that, hey, I'm really working on being more positive and more grateful, and I would love for you to share with me what things are that you find, you know, positive and grateful in your life when we chat or when we text. And that can be really helpful because it can help your brain start thinking it on its own, things that you have to be grateful because I totally understand that if you're living in the suck, like where things just are crappy, it sometimes can be really hard to see the positive. And we need that running start. We need that jolt, if you will, from someone else sharing their gratitude of what they have found. And it will jog your mind to kind of start thinking of those things. And make it a practice to every day to find something to be grateful for. Say it out loud, write it down, put it in your phone, leave yourself a voice note, whatever, because it will help you, um, deal with the circumstances, what they are, and possibly see other opportunities that are available to you because of this circumstance or this obstacle that's in your life. Yeah. So your circumstances— good, bad, ugly, great, pretty— can always create a negative something, right? But they also are really capable of giving you possibilities and opportunities that are amazing. I think back, like, in 2017, when I had my hysterectomy, when I think back to those times, it felt really dark. But I remember just surrendering to the fact that this is my lot in life of dealing with a chronic illness right now, um, and I'm okay with that because I have a wonderful support system. I have a faith that is continually built up every single day. I have family and friends who I absolutely love. I have a business where I connect with other amazing women and women living with chronic illness who are trying to build a lifestyle that helps them to live their life in a more balanced way. Yeah. Um, so I am thankful for all of those things, and I am thankful for the fact that because of my chronic illness, it's allowed me to have this business. It allowed me to have this amazing opportunity to use my, my voice and my story to share with others. I get emails and messages from so many of you who are like, I'm so grateful that you shared that. You were so vulnerable, and it really helped me, you know, to do something else, like to be motivated or to feel like you're not alone. And I wouldn't have any of these opportunities per se, or I wouldn't have such respect and gratitude for some of these things if I didn't have this experience, if I didn't live with these chronic illnesses. And not to say I wouldn't be grateful if I didn't have these, but it just— to me, I, I feel like I am all the more grateful. I'm all the more tuned in to the things that make me happy and help me see things in a good, positive light. So I hope that was helpful. I hope this really connected for you. I am super excited about 2021. I have guests that I've been interviewing there that are going to be going live in January. I am so excited, and I hope you guys continue to listen and go back to listen to some other episodes. Of some of your favorite ones from Twin 20 with these amazing women and some of my personal favorite ones that I've done just to share some tips on how to be more positive, how to deal with 2020. One of my favorite episodes of Twin 20 was with my husband, who was the first fella on my show. And I really got to share our fun relationship and why he's so amazing and why I'm so grateful to have him as a support system in my life. And that was one of my highlights of the year. And I hope you guys think back on this year and think of things that make you smile versus things that make you cry, because I know we all have cried this year. I know we have all like cried and yelled and threw punches in the air or walked outside and just like screamed or whatever. And those moments are okay. Um, but I also hope that you think of things that make you smile or things that made you feel grateful for things in your life, people in your life. So if you guys want to keep up with me, definitely check out, um, my Instagram @CraftedToThrive. I will be active on that until January. Um, like, I'll be active— like, I'm just taking a break from the podcast, but my business is still running, especially because I have a very new shiny, um, membership, a coaching membership with some amazing women. It's new and shiny and like glowing with beautiful women inside of the membership. Um, if you're looking for a community of women who want to build, um, a business and have a more harmonious lifestyle, then you want to join us. Um, if you're looking for one-on-one coaching in your business, you want to join us. If you're just looking for a place to like be around like-minded women, and if you're looking to have some tools and resources along your journey and your business, you want to join us. So go to sheescraftedinsider.com and you can go there and check out the different tools I have in there in the shop for you, and you get to check out our membership. And if you have any questions, you guys know you can hit me up at info @craftedtothrive or send me a DM in my inbox on Instagram. I'm always answering questions and I'm always showing up for you guys. So I would love to see you guys inside of that community because it's so much fun and it's— I'm just so excited that I finally figured out what works for me and what makes the women that I work with so happy. So that's it. I hope you guys have a great rest of 2020. Please be safe, wear a mask and social distance when you can. I know this time of year is really hard because people want to be around their family and friends. But right now it could mean the difference between living or dying for many people. So be careful. And like I love to end the show and until January, I want you to remember that, yes, you are crafted to thrive.