It's Time to Stop Powering Through Your Flare Ups. Do This Instead

You're listening to the She's Crafted to Thrive podcast, and this is your host Nikita Williams. On this show, we're talking about what it's like to start, grow, and scale a business while living with chronic illness. You will hear from other creatives and CEOs as they share their stories and the lessons that led them to learn to lean more into what works for them. You'll discover that success does not mean perfection, and fear, negative thoughts, and challenges are all a part of the journey, but there's always an abundance of wins. So stay tuned and you'll find the inspiration and tools you need to craft a life and business that thrives. Welcome back to the She's Crafted to Thrive podcast. I am really excited and like pumped to talk about this topic of self-care. What does it look like when you're living with chronic illness and you feel like 100% of your full-time job is self-care, right? Like taking care of your body, paying attention, giving it what it, it needs. What does that look like when you're running a business or living a life with chronic illness that we don't actually hear as much of? And I want to talk about it. So in this episode, what I really want to bring attention to is like, there's a lot of people talking about self-care, and it's so important, right? And it's like different mixes for different people. It looks differently. But I wanted to like affirm some of you guys just from my own personal feelings about self-care, um, that I have found that is kind of seen and felt through the community of those who are living with chronic anxiety, chronic pain, overwhelm, different challenges, like whether they're visible or invisible, mental, physical, or all of the things, right? And so self-care, I feel like it's this like thing that's like, yeah, it's a way to keep your cup full, to make sure that, you know, you're taking care of yourself physically. And I always think about this when I hear this. I'm like, yeah, but for me personally, living with chronic illness has been a journey of actually learning how to really take care of what my body needs and it looks different at different seasons and it is crucial in order for me to take care of them. Like it's not optional. Like it's not optional. And if I do view it optionally, my body will be like, hello, uh-uh, you need to stop, halt. You know, if you've ever read that book, The Body Keeps the Score, it's straight up, legitly like that. You know, like the emotions you internalize, the things you don't deal with, the lack of sleep, the hustle, the push, and all of those things makes taking care of yourself when you're living with chronic illness even harder, which is why I wanted to have this conversation. Because in the entrepreneurial world, we hear a lot of values and thoughts and pressures around— excuse me— around what that looks like. And it oftentimes is like the things that we feel, or I personally feel, and I've seen my clients feel that are so important but feel like they end up on the optional list, right? Like sleep, like eating, like rest, like breath, like movement, all of those things. And I think when we get into an entrepreneur space where there's like this very robust go, go, go, push, push, push, try it all, do all of the things. And depending on where you are in your mindset, in this journey, you could feel like, well, if all of these people are saying that this is the way to success, then even though I know inside my body it really does need rest, it does really need, um, food and nourishment and time, I'm willing to sacrifice, quote unquote, those things for a period of time. I personally though have gotten to a point in my life that I recognize that those non-negotiables, right, of sleeping, resting, feeding yourself, taking care of your mental and physical health in whatever way works for you is number one priority, right? Like when it comes to everything else in the context of my business. And so self-care, when I hear it talked about, self-care can look like, oh, get a massage and do um, like do some kind of spa day and like, um, treat yourself to like an experience that's just like something you've never experienced before. And I don't know, I just feel like self-care doesn't really have a definition behind it other than you need to like take care of yourself. And if you're a chronic illness warrior and you're dealing with different challenges, specifically pain, and if you're dealing with different mental and physical situations, this could feel like, well, technically I'm always doing self-care, right? Like, it's not really technical, it's the truth. I'm always taking care of my body. I'm being very in tune and intentional about what's going in my body, what's coming out of my body. I'm doing blood tests. For me personally, like, getting a massage as frequently as possible is really important to deal with my fibromyalgia and how my body, like, responds to tension and stress. It's not like a luxury kind of thing. It's like the functionality of self-caring, taking care of me. So when you have a business, right, like, we move this in the context of a business while you also have all those other things going on in your life, like being a mother, being a wife, being a sister, being a daughter, being a partner in a business, being a spot— like, whatever your situation is on on top of growing a business and living with chronic illness, it's easy to see how self-care that we hear so frequently can be pushed aside. But for us living with chronic pain and dealing with the emotional and physical things that we deal with, it's not optional. So what do we do that's actually going to fill our cup beyond just functioning, right? So this is really what I wanted to get to, is like, what does self-care look like in the context of what is going to fill you as a person, like to feel nourished and taken care of. And like, I always think like not feeling like the things you need to do have to— like it has to be for a purpose. It's just the thing that like fills your cup, right? And I think there's a couple areas, um, and that this is required of us to really be intentional when it comes to our self-care routine to add, right? So obviously we're taking care of our physical needs and the time and all of the things we need to do to take care of that. Self-care can feel like, you know, the checklist that we're doing. But what are the things that aren't necessarily a checklist that just fills your cup? So one of the things that I have found for me beyond like my spiritual routine, that's like literally the probably the biggest rock in my jar that everything else has to fit around. Is creativity. Creativity, for so many reasons, is a beautiful thing. And it's also like kind of complicated for my ladies who are listening who are also creative and have a creative business. And they can feel burnt out from their creativity because of the business. They can feel like their, um, creativity is kind of taken away from them in some way, shape, or form because of making it a business. And I think that has a lot to do with the boundaries we keep around what is going to be sacred to us to fill our cup versus what we share with others. And the beautiful, beautiful thing about creativity that I have found and research has shown is that creativity in itself, in different forms, like for example music or visual arts, um, expressive writing, have been literally hugely impactful on our ability to function and also to excel living with chronic illness. And so this is why when I work with my clients, it's one of the really important things that we kind of work through is like, what does filling your cup outside of your business, outside of taking care of the functional needs of living with chronic pain, emotional anxiety, whatever that looks like, what fills you as a person. And a lot of them always grasp to some function of creativity. And so what does that look like for you? Like, do you know what that is? Is it a very intentional part of your life where you give yourself time for that? And the reason why I ask that question and I want you to think about is because I always think about the context of like having two banks. Accounts, like you have two checking accounts and you have bills coming out of both, right? So as a chronic illness warrior, we have energy and spoons coming out of one bank account because we have to take care of our self-care, quote unquote, like the things we need to do to function, right? But then there's another bank account of like, who am I and what do I enjoy? And all of the good fuzzy, warmy feelings that we want to feel when we are like being beyond the roles that we are, right? What are— what's filling that? Right. So there are definitely checks being made from both of those accounts where they're being depleted over time. So in order for you to function and excel and to be a person, you have to be filling both banks, right? You have to be taking care of yourself physically. And then you also have to be taking care of being who you are, like learning who you are, exploring who you are, tapping in, becoming more happy and more joyful in what you do and who you are and how you are. Right. And so one way is definitely creativity. So I wanted to just share, like when it comes to music specifically, there's so much research that is cited and I'll put this in the show notes. That shows that it helps really take care of our well-being as a whole and really decrease our anxiety. So that's the beautiful twofold effect of— I believe creativity is like, not only is it the thing that fills our cup as a whole person, like, as a, like, as a, a person beyond what we do and the roles that we are, but it's also a way to also benefit that other bank account that's getting like checks taken out of it all of the time where we might need the extra umph, right? And it's like dual purpose. And so music therapy has been really shown to decrease anxiety and it also has given— there's some research that shows that it also helps calm the neural activities in the brain and help and reduce our anxiety. And it also can improve our functioning of our immune system because of the action that is played by our amygdala and hypothalamus. So that's just the things that are going on in our brains that telling our bodies how to feel. Fear flight, rest digest, that's that whole part of the area. So just think about like if you— for me, like I have a really routine like once a week to have like a time where I'm doing something creative. I'm usually doing some kind of listening to some music and doodling, painting, drawing. I'm learning something new that's fun and exciting. It's not taxing. That's the kind of stuff that really does fill you, your cup as a person, right? It helps you just have something that is not have to happen but just feels good to do. Like, I feel like us, when it comes to self-care, sometimes we're like, well, I have to sleep, I have to drink this much water, I have to get walking and movement, I have to do all of those, all of those things. I feel like when like incorporating creativity intentionally, it's like I get to, right? I also think the things we do for self-care is also I get to, but the I get to of the creativity is like just a whole different experience as the energetics that are behind that. Okay, so visual arts. Visual arts can really be a refuge for some of the intense emotions that are totally associated with our different challenges. There's like really no limit to how visual arts has really helped in research and has been shown to help people express their different feelings, especially, especially grief. If you're living with chronic pain or chronic anxiety, I think there's a level of grief that we all experience of what could have been or what our life might have been. The— it's not what we envision, right? And so Using visual arts not only to fill our cup but also to soothe our cup, right, to make it less heavy in some way, it's such a beautiful thing. Um, for those specifically living with chronic pain and the health and well-being factor of creativity, art is a great way to like process negative thoughts but also to distract us at times. It also improves our ability to be in flow and to have positive identity about who we are. I like to share, like, for me, when I'm going through different challenges, if I'm stuck at work and my business, if I'm stuck or I'm feeling stuck in my body, it's like I always like to do a little creative visual art kind of experience, whether that's like painting or doodling. And for some people it could be pottery, and for other people it could be like literally just looking at different art and just really visualizing that, or photography or something like that, I always feel like more in flow and the brain fog is less and I feel like I can focus better. Visual arts has also been shown to help those who are living with and fighting breast cancer from a physiological place. Really has shown that it can, um, support reduction in stress and anxiety of those different challenges living and fighting through breast cancer. It also has been shown in trauma, you know, where people experience extreme trauma like PTSD. It has helped in reducing the stress and compassion fatigue, and it really helps increase healing and overall well-being and sense of purpose. So this is just creativity. And I'm sharing these little tidbits because I feel like if we recognize the importance of filling our cup as a whole person, and it happens to be that one of the ways we can do that is through creativity, and it's actually fun. It's not like something that's functional, even though it has function. It actually fills a part of who we are. And I'm sharing this on this podcast in this episode because I've literally seen like my clients come to me with their creative business feeling really stuck and frustrated and almost ready to, like, hands down put down their business in some way, shape, or form, or they have lost their sense of creativity because their business has consumed them. And one of the exercises I love doing with my clients is like, I want you to pick something that's truly yours, that fills your cup, that you will choose, that is yours, your sacred creativity, like the thing that you only will do for you, and it's not attached to your business. And for some of my clients, that's really difficult because they enjoy it so much, it kind of sometimes will bleed into their business. But definitely find something that's not connected to your business, a hobby. I know we hear this a lot, but it really is something that helps people especially as already dealing with the function of self-care in a place of let's go beyond that and fill this cup. Another creative tool is expressive writing. I love to read poetry, I love to read, um, quotes, and I love to write my own poetry and my own writing, like my free expressive journals. Um, I, I always used to joke around and say, I'm like, I'm the worst writer. I'm working on that. I don't think I'm the greatest writer, but I do now enjoy writing a lot more. And part of that is that it's been such a part to like find my voice and who I am and kind of start getting comfortable with all the nuances of what that looks like for me. And also helps me to unearth some of the pain and anger sometimes and frustration sometimes of living with chronic illness. Being a woman, being a woman of color in a world where all of those things seem to be like against me and being able to really write that and talk about that in a way that's expressive to me and also from pain. So it's been shown by research that like those living with fibromyalgia, using expressive writing has really helped them in their overall well-being and dealing with pain and also helping them with fatigue. And I thought that was such an interesting thing because even though we are living with chronic illness and we're going through different situations and we're taking care of our physical health, one of the things most of people who are living with, whether it's a mental disorder, emotional challenge, or chronic physical pain, or all of the above and everything, is that fatigue is there because it's so much between dealing with all of that and potentially going to doctors' offices and doing tests and all of those those things, the mental fortitude that it takes to deal with the self-care of that can make it feel extremely difficult, right? And so if you can tap into some form of expressive writing— and expressive writing is just really maybe storytelling or sharing your own words, just having them written out. Poetry is another way. Some people use, like, tell stories, like in a non-fictional story that a way to express like this way they're experiencing what they're experiencing. It really has just been a way for people to relief— um, relieve, I should say— some of the things that they are dealing with. And it makes sense, right? Because it's something we can fill our cup and also release. It's just beautiful. And creativity in general No matter what medium really has been shown over the ages that it has really helped people come to have well-being, more positive emotions, able to release some of the challenges that they're experiencing through whatever creativity. And it also has given people a way to discover themselves outside of their chronic illness. Outside of the chronic anxiety, outside of whatever life hurdles you're experiencing. And that to me is true self-care. It really does help you to be more intentional. It helps you to start to understand more of you, which makes it easier for you to set boundaries, to communicate those boundaries, and to keep your cup in a flow of in and out because, you know, it's gonna happen, right? And so having an idea that self-care goes beyond the traditional things we hear about and thinking about it from the context of what helps me be me as like the expressive person, no matter whether or not you're an introvert or an extrovert, like, what is that? Because recognize that there are things that are draining your energy, you know, in both ways. And so making sure you make this a part of your life and in your business is so important. So not only do you want to look at your schedule and growing your business and your programs and your offers and whatever you're doing around like my energy, but also how are you increasing or how are you adding to your energy by adding something like creativity to your world, to enhance your ability to be who you are and also to cope even more with living with our life hurdles. So I just felt like sharing this with you. I will put a couple— I will just put the information in the show notes. There's one more thing I want to say is like expressive writing is a lot for— that's very popular right now. That could be just brain dumping, it could be journaling. The other aspect of creativity that I have found is that it brings you to another source of community that's not associated with your chronic life hurdles all of the time. And I do think it's really nice to have that other place to go to that feels like it's just— it's not connected to, oh, I'm a chronic illness warrior, right? I'm a— this kind of person. It helps you be like, yeah, but I'm also I love to write, I love to sing, I love to draw, I love to paint. And again, it goes back to that point that it really does help people with self-identity, social identity, self-worth, and all of those beautiful things. And we need all of those things to be successful in our businesses, to stick out and be authentic and attract those people that we want to serve and have as clients. So this is not something that you can put on a shelf forever. Um, this is something to think about. Like, is this something that might be why you have hit a glass ceiling in your revenue or in your ability to think of ideas or new things? Could it be because you haven't prioritized the kind of self-care that fills you up as a person versus taking care of you in the functionality of being a person? I hope that makes sense. I hope this, um, podcast episode resonates with you. If you would like to learn more about working with me one-on-one, these are some of the things that kind of are in the credits of helping my clients reach their either first $2K ever or consistently make $2K easier than they thought before. And this is one of the strategies that I really do help my clients to do is like The reason why making $2K over and over again might be difficult is because you haven't figured out the self-care that helps fill your cup. So you have the energy to think in a different way and to show up in a way that's really authentic for you versus that hustle and grind. And let's just push through kind of deal. Um, there will be a link in the show notes for you to apply to Work With Me 101. And if you're just here hanging out and listening, please let me know if this episode served you. And like always, remember, yes, yes, you are crafted to thrive.