Navigating New Spaces with Chronic Illness with Dr. Yvette Martínez-Vu

Hey y'all, I am super excited about this episode because we're talking about all things being the first in your family when it comes to starting an online business, to going to college, just being maybe even the first person in your family to come here to the United States or to own a home. So many of us might be those people. And so I'm excited to have this conversation with Dr. Yvette Martinez Vu, mother and scholar and academic coach and host of the Grad School Fem Tour podcast, where she empowers first-generation students of color as they navigate higher education. And in this episode, we talk about a lot of different things. We go through what it's like to navigate the career and college world as new first people, not really having this experience in our families, and also what it looks like navigate this while being a chronic illness warrior and having your own business or side hustle, as many of these folks have? And then how do we navigate ableism with ourselves, with dealing with chronic illness and dealing with the mental health issues that happen in being the first and going to school or starting a business? It's funny, one of the conversations we had is like, even if your family has been born here, lived here, there are a lot of firsts of this generation, like what I'm doing today. I have a business where I talk and connect with people and exchange money to helping them grow their businesses, and I've never met them. And I think about when I helped my grandparents with their business, which was a janitorial business. The way they found clients was like going door to door, business to business, and finding contracts. And the same thing is for Dr. Yvette, is, you know, she has family who has brick and mortar businesses, and in this digital age, having Having a business where you're basically having people pay you for creating some kind of portal online to some of our family might seem a little strange, and we're just talking about the landscape of what all that looks like, all while navigating first and being chronic illness warriors. So, so many gems in here. You're going to learn a couple of things: how to manage your emotions and your feelings and embrace those different challenges that you're going through, how to have a more sustainable productivity, how to navigate mental health when you're living with chronic illness and being the first in your family to achieve or to do some of the things that we're seeing today. So many things. So be here, stay tuned. We're gonna talk about some career rights as well as some job rights for those with disabilities. So many, we talked about a lot. So this is gonna be an episode that you don't wanna miss. So stay tuned. Stay tuned.

Welcome to Crafted to Thrive, the globally ranked podcast for entrepreneurs living with chronic illness. I'm your host Nikita Williams, and after being diagnosed with multiple chronic illnesses myself, I figured out the surprisingly simple missing links to growing a profitable business without compromising my health. Since then, I've helped dozens of women just like you learn how to do the same. If you're ready to own your story and create a thriving business that aligns with your health and well-being, you're in the right place. Together, we're shifting the narrative of what's possible for entrepreneurs with chronic illness. This is Crafted to Thrive. I am really excited to have Yvette on the show.

She is an amazing lady that I've gotten to connect with recently and a fellow chronic illness warrior. So please tell us a little bit about who you are, what you do, where you're from, and we can get into it.

Great. Yes, thank you. I'm so happy to be here. Thanks for having me. So my name is Yvette. I also go by Doctora Yvette Martinez-Pu, and I am a first-gen Chicana academic coach. I'm actually someone who supports first-generation students of color as they navigate higher education, and I am also someone who lives with chronic illnesses. I am also neurodivergent. I'm highly sensitive and also struggle and kind of vacillate between kind of anxiety and depression. And I'm very open and honest about those things because they definitely impact and inform the way that I work with my clients. So I, I primarily work with students and early career professionals in supporting them with their writing, with their personal professional development, with getting organized, goal setting, and navigating kind of some difficult career and life transitions. So yeah, I'm originally from Southern California, child of a Mexican immigrant single mom, one of 6, eldest daughter. So a lot of those things inform my positionality and my identity. So yeah, I'm happy to share, um, anything else that's a little bit about me.

That is amazing. I think it's so cool that of the 6, you're the oldest. I find like a lot of coaches are like the oldest and like larger families, it's like we've had to learn some of these tools way before we ever knew what we were going to do with them.

Yeah. Oh, and then just to clarify, my bad. So I am the eldest daughter, but I'm the third born. So I'm a middle child, but I'm the eldest daughter. And because of gender roles, gender dynamics, and cultural expectations, as the eldest daughter in a Mexican immigrant family, had a lot of responsibilities growing up. So I feel like the eldest in many ways, even though technically Typically, I'm a middle child.

I got you. I got you. Okay, cool. Okay, so first of all, first generation, what does that mean for you? Like, I feel like that's a conversation we don't actually get to have often on the show. So what does that mean for you in your context of what you're doing to help others?

Yes, typically when folks refer to first generation, they're referring to either being first generation in college, meaning that neither one of their parents completed a 4-year degree. And then there's also first generation in the US, meaning that your parents migrated to the United States, or you are the first, you are the immigrant yourself, first to be living in a country. So that actually differentiation is a little bit different between each individual. Like some of us say we're first gen in the US, and they mean they're an immigrant from another country and they're first to kind of reside in that area. And others say they're first gen in the US, like myself, where their parents came from another country and they're the first to be born and raised in that new country. So for me, I'm first gen, consider myself first gen in the U.S. and also first gen in college. And that's really important to me because there is so much left unsaid about how to navigate a lot of things in life. So if you go to college, you know, the career, how to, how to navigate landing a career, developing your career, and even the personal development stuff like getting to know yourself, getting to know your values, getting to know your purpose. That's not taught to us. And that's the stuff that really gets me going, is, um, when I went to college, I was constantly feeling like people were speaking another language. And, um, there were a lot of things that I didn't know about that setting, and it frustrated me that I constantly playing catch-up. And so for me, with the mission of my business, which is called Grad School Fem Touring, and I also have a podcast by that name, is to provide fem tourship, meaning feminist, social justice-informed mentorship, where I demystify, I break down all these things that are, you know, cultural norms within higher ed spaces in particular, to help those who are first in their family kind of better navigate these spaces and to provide the kind of mentorship that I wish I would have had when I was feeling really lost.

That's a really powerful mission and experience. I don't know. I think a lot of us don't recognize the gravity of it until we're in it, right? Like, you don't realize the big difference because you're like, I'm going to school. Like, it's not like I'm going to school. They didn't go to school like that. But hey, I'm going to school. It's not a big deal. And then you realize there's a whole different world And I find that it's a very similar thing with entrepreneurship as well.

Oh my gosh, yes.

Yeah, right? Like, so if your family didn't have the traditional— and I say traditional in the new age world of traditional online, offline kind of business— I feel like my generation of parents, they definitely felt that entrepreneurship was like boots on the ground.

Yes.

In person, brick and mortar, like cleaning and all these things. And now we have a whole different mindset and generation of how we view business. So first generation going to college, now also an entrepreneur helping other people understand what it's like to transition into this world of college while being the first generation. And this is your business as well. Like, this is a business that you have created to support other people in that world. When you explain that to your family, oh my God, what they must be looking at you like, what? I don't understand, right?

Even like, what does the coach even do? Well, it's funny because when I went to college, I majored in English literature, and my mom, who doesn't speak much English, she speaks primarily Spanish, she would be like, mija, Why are you studying English? You speak it so well. And she didn't understand I was in this— like, I was on this trajectory to become a professor. Last year, well, in 2021, decided to leave my career in higher ed because I had been in higher ed for 10+ years supporting similar population of Christian students of color with the graduate school admissions process. And I told my mom that I was leaving my job to pursue entrepreneurship, and she herself has a business. She sells religious articles. She has a brick-and-mortar shop. She sells products. Same thing. We're like, wait, what? How does that work? And you don't have to be physically somewhere, and you're doing it all on your computer, and people pay you?

Yeah.

So she's still, she's still kind of questioning, like, I don't know what you're doing, but at least, you know, as, as the, the first in my family, I heard someone on my podcast mentioned this, like, I collect first. So as a first gen individual, I collect first. And so that's what's been— even though it's been a steep learning curve because I'm only a little over one year into full-time entrepreneurship and I have a lot to learn still to this day, I am confident in my ability to be able to keep learning and to, you know, adapt as kind of the hurdles come in. Yeah. And to learn from my failures. I, you know, I'm doing all right, but I, I find myself kind of going through a very similar experience as the experience of my clients, where I'm trying to learn a new language, I'm trying to get acquainted with the field, I'm trying to network, I'm trying to learn as much as I can to see what works and to see what works for me, because someone's successful business might be great for them, but they are not me. I have, you know, chronic illnesses. I've got to take care of my mental health. I have two kids. I live abroad. All of these things impact the way that I do my work. And that's also why I'm a big fan of, uh, of this concept of sustainable productivity. So finding ways to get work done that's really in tune with your body, with where you are physically, mentally, spiritually on any given day. Because when you're chronically ill, like, flare-ups happen. If you struggle with your mental health, you may have a bad day on a random day in any month, for instance. Because for me, it can be very cyclical and seasonal too. So, yeah. It— this entrepreneurship journey has been challenging, but it's also been really rewarding. And I mean, I'm grateful again that because I have this kind of first-gen experience, it's not as scary for me to try new things.

Yeah, yeah. I think it's really cool. There's so many parallels. I feel like as a chronic illness warrior and the women I talk to, the, the line between being first gen going to school, an entrepreneur here in the States, all of these things. I also feel like there's an essence of that as chronic illness warriors in this world that we live in now, right? Because our parents had stuff going on, but they didn't have maybe the answers or even talked about it, and they just pushed through and kind of went and did what they had to do. And now we're in a world where it's like, no, don't push through. Like, no, tell the doctor you're crazy. I'm finding another doctor. Fire them. Like, you say those kind of things. I know I've had conversations with my family and being like, yeah, I fired my doctor. And they're like, what?

What does that mean?

I'm like, I fired my doctor. So even that kind of conversation about chronic illness, how has that informed your life as a mom, as a a student yourself and helping other students who might also might be dealing with chronic illness as well? We don't even talk about that much, but how has that been part of your journey?

Yeah, it's been a huge learning lesson for me developing a chronic illness. So for, you know, those of us that self-identify as disabled, there are those of us that have been born with a disability, right? And there are those of us with visible disabilities and invisible disabilities. So in my case, invisible disability. And also I developed this in my young adult life. So I developed my chronic illnesses in grad school. So grad school was a really formative time and experience for me because of a number of reasons. But beginning with my first 2 years of graduate school, I was a workaholic. I mean, I, I've always kind been that way because that's how I was socialized. And like, I, you know, I grew up witnessing, you know, a bunch of self-sacrificing women in my family in a matriarchy. And so that's what I learned— serve others and work, work, work. And I worked myself sick. I started to develop stomach issues. I started to develop chronic migraines. I started to develop kind of bladder and like pelvic issues. Actually, it wasn't until after grad school that I even got like diagnoses and kind of learned a little bit more about what was going on with my body. But yeah, this all started in graduate school, and then I also had a child in grad school, and that was another thing that impacted my health because when I had my son, I developed pregnancy complications, and then when I gave birth, I, I hemorrhaged. I lost 3 liters of blood. They had to do— perform a bunch of procedures to save my life. I nearly, nearly but I did not. I nearly had a hysterectomy. And then after, my body had gone through so much trauma that I think that also impacted my mental health because I developed severe postpartum depression. And again, I, I like to talk about my physical health issues and also my mental health issues because they inform one another. They go hand in hand. If I have a bad pain day, like, odds are I'm also going to have a bad mental health day. If the pain is severe enough, it's hard to not get down, or at least that's been my experience. And so again, like I said, before grad school, um, before developing my chronic illness, I was a workaholic. And I'll be frank, I struggled with internalized ableism. I tried to please others and to work as much as I could, and I made myself I shamed myself to produce, produce, produce, only to make myself sicker. Only I worked until the point where I could no longer like physically work, and that's not healthy. And so my chronic illnesses forced me to slow down. Yeah, forced me to take care of myself and then forced me to learn more about this world of kind of disability studies, chronic illnesses, and and also neurodivergence too. And all of that has helped me to be more compassionate with myself and with others and to be frankly, like, less ableist, to be kind of like anti-ableist, to kind of focus on increasing accessibility through my work. So, you know, by having a podcast, for instance, and sharing information publicly or having a blog or having transcripts or just like things just to support other folks. There's a lot of mixed feelings because I know some folks can say like, oh, it's such a gift, blah, blah, blah, to learn all these lessons. But there's also a lot of grief that happens that goes on when you develop chronic illness or chronic illnesses because you're grieving the person you once were. If you develop this later on in life or you're grieving the person that you imagined you would have been without the chronic illnesses. And there are days that suck. I mean, I'm just kidding.

It's the truth. It's the truth. Yeah, it's the truth.

Yeah.

I think this year something I really started to appreciate is the duality, the ability to have a really bad day because everything is bad and still at the same time be hopeful. I feel like sometimes when we hear and talk about chronic illness and whatever that looks like in your life, whatever place that shows up in your life, visible or invisible, we sometimes hear in a very paradigm, like, one focus facet way, like, one angle. And there is no one angle to living with a chronic anything. Like, there is no one way. And I don't think there's enough conversation in the world of, like, living with chronic illness that there— yes, mindfulness is great. Yes, positivity to its extent is great. Yes, positive psychology has its place. Yes, all of these things that are here to support us through it are great, but also it sucks sometimes. Like, but also it sucks sometimes.

It can be both.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. So I appreciate you sharing that. And the other piece I want to bring out too is the mental health aspect of living with chronic illness, right?

Yes, yes.

I always tell people, like, the one thing that I wish would happen when you were given, especially those really rare chronic illness, like, labels, a diagnosis, like, beyond the pamphlet, also send me to a therapist. Like, you know, let's do that too. That's not the conversation we get. Or tell us the things we might need to give ourselves some space and grace for when we have these things going on. That's not the kind of treatment we get. We get a lot of shame. We get a lot of guilt. We get a lot of things coming at us when we are just finding out these chronic things that we're like, but what does this mean? You know? So for the mental health for you, what has been practical for you to cope, endure, and kind of be in that duality of living with chronic illness?

So I said this earlier and I'm going to keep saying it, but really getting to know yourself and your body and your mind, your spirit. So for me, for instance, I've been going to therapy since I was 12. At age 12, my father suddenly passed away from a brain aneurysm. And I was very, a very lucky child that I had a school counselor who actually signed me up for a grief group.. And so I started doing these, like, counseling groups and therapy groups, support groups in middle school, and then in high school, and then in college. I was already exposed to the world of therapy and support groups, and so it was not hard for me to go out and seek a therapist and to also get involved in support groups, all, like, low cost or free of cost thanks to my health insurance as a college student. And I continued to do that in college. And to this day, I still— I have a therapist. So for my mental health, because of my many years of going to therapy, I know what my triggers are. I know what tools I have access to in my toolkit that help me to either not slip into a depression, or if I find myself slipping into a depression, what to do to kind get out of that fog. And similarly with my anxiety, I also know what my anxiety triggers are. And a lot of times, some of— sometimes they kind of, um, clash with one another. My anxiety wants to stay home, my depression doesn't. And I'm in tune enough that I've managed my mental health pretty well. I mean, I'm in a space where I'm functioning, and in certain seasons I'm also thriving. And I say season because I'm not always thriving, you know, but I'm also not always struggling. And I'm grateful to have arrived at this space where I'm not always struggling because at one point in my life, I think I forgot what joy felt like or what, what brought me joy. And so I'm no longer in that space of struggling all the time. So yeah, with my mental health, what are my go-to things? Like, I know I have to get ready first thing in the morning. I like to get ready. Shower, put on some makeup, even if I'm not going anywhere, it helps me to feel better. Or, um, I have a stationary bike, getting some movement in, riding my bike, taking a walk, going outside. So having access to the outdoors is really big for me. And then having a routine. So if I don't, or if I break my routine, it does throw me off a lot. And those are just some things. They might work for other They might not, but again, it's like figuring out what works for you when you are struggling. And it takes time. That's the thing. I mean, I'm still a work in progress. I'm still constantly trying to learn how to improve and better manage my mental health issues. It's not like, oh, I'm cured. Yeah, I laugh because that's true for chronic illness too. It's not like, oh, take that pill or eat that. Yeah, follow that diet. You're cured.

Yeah, it hasn't worked that way for for me. Yeah, yeah. I, I really appreciate you saying that. There's so many things I want to kind of just pull out for everyone who's listening. Specifically, one, this is possible to even like identify what works for you because of really getting— knowing you. I agree with you, that's one of the most important pieces to this journey of living with chronic illness is being completely confident— and I say that in air quotes, y'all. I'm like over here talking with air quotes— like, confident to know you know how to get to the you, like the inside of you. Because, you know, other things can get in the way. Depression, anxiety can cloud so much of that out. But if you know how to get back to the you that you know, it kind of creates a bit more space, right? More space for the forgiveness you might need to be giving yourself, the grace you might need to be giving yourself, the boundaries you might need to be putting in place differently. And it is a holistic kind of thing. It's not just like one time and holistically today I'm good, I'm, I'm good, I'm done. There's no such thing. There's no such thing. I, I know this year for me, like, therapy as a woman of color a Christian, therapy is like— has so many different nuances to it, it has so many stigmas to it. And I think it's really powerful that you had that kind of access as a young child to know there wasn't anything like added to your plate or shaming to your plate of thinking, oh, I might need support, right? I think that's a huge thing that I hope everyone's hearing. Like, the reason why Yvette feels very confident in knowing what she needs to do is because she's gotten to know herself. And I think that's just such a blessing.

And the getting to know yourself piece requires actually spending time and doing that self-reflective work. And that is what I've been able to do through therapy. And I know that not everybody has access to therapy. I know that that's very much a privilege. There is the possibility of doing that self-reflection on your own through things like journaling exercises, through taking moments of pause, through writing, or just finding ways to record and figure out what has historically worked for you and then trying new things out. Yeah. So I just want to kind of mention that, that I know that therapy is not accessible for everyone, but even if it's not accessible you can still learn some tools on your own to try to manage these things, and hopefully you can work your way towards one day getting access to that support, professional support.

Yeah, you're right. And we have insurance and it's still extremely expensive. I know, a therapist. And so I think whether it's therapy, I, I also feel like spirituality has a huge part in this, having a purpose and understanding your purpose in this bigger place that we're all at, I think it definitely adds to your ability to cope and be resilient. That's something I've learned this year. I really have dived into positive psychology, and it makes so much sense why the things that we need to have well-being and flourishing— one of those things is having a sense of purpose even during all of the craziness that's happening, right? And so whether that's journaling. Some people find themselves through singing, creativity. There's so many different ways you can do this without necessarily working with a therapist. But I still think if that's something you want to do, like you were mentioning, like, definitely take your steps towards seeking out how you could— how it can be possible, potentially. So my next question is kind of like, how has this served you in starting a business? Like, I always feel like living with chronic illness starting to know yourself and your story, like, how has that informed your ability to have— like, even though you're still figuring it out, it's only been a year— how has it helped you in starting your business?

I have a lot of superpowers that I've gained from my chronic illnesses.

Yes.

So, um, you know, one thing that I know I talk a lot about because of being chronically ill and also having two kids is that I often say that I don't have as much time as other people because my days can be very unpredictable. I, I don't always know how I'm going to feel on any given day, and so I have to be very strategic about how I do my work. And that's where the sustainable productivity stuff comes from. That's why I'm— I, um, a lot of people that know me will say that I'm one of the most organized people that they And so I've kind of tried to learn these skills of like, how can I do more in less time? How can I be more efficient with the little time that I may have on any given day? And so I'll do things like, um, develop standard operating procedures. So anything that I do, you know, if I'm doing it more than 3 times, if it involves more than 3 steps, I will write that down so I don't have to remember again in the future. Another thing that it's helped me with is just like time management. I'm really good with time management. I'm really good with project management. I'm a huge fan of like using tools to help you save time so you're not having to do things repetitively if you don't have to. Um, so yeah, for me it's, it's helped me with also like that self-compassion that I've learned for myself has helped me in supporting others because a lot of times other people are not compassionate with themselves. They are holding themselves to very, very high standards. And they just need someone to be there to remind them that they're doing okay, that sometimes good enough work is, is fine, that they don't have to be doing everything, you know, in this like very high perfectionistic standard because that is not sustainable. The time management, the project management, the organizational tools, all that stuff I've gained through like over the years through feeling like, oh, I don't have as much time as other people, so how can I make the most of the time that I have? Those tools are really helpful even for folks who are not chronically ill, even for folks who don't have kids.

Yeah.

And for me, it's not about like, let me help you to do more, right? Uh, so that you can burn yourself out. No, it's like, do more in less time and then go and live your life.

Yeah, I love that. I love that. You tell me if you agree with this. I also feel like being a chronic illness warrior means you know when to say no and when to say yes a lot easier.

Oh my gosh, yes. Boundaries. Boundaries and advocating for yourself. Those are tools I learned from being chronically ill. Because boundaries— what's that quote? Like, boundaries are at that point where I can love you and myself.

Right.

There's a quote that I just butchered right now.

Yeah, I know. I am the worst. Quotes, so do not ask me, but I know what you're talking about.

So, um, the boundary thing is real. I mean, uh, for myself with my background, my cultural background and Mexican background, women are expected to be helpers and to be self-sacrificing and to think of others and not themselves. And so that turns folks into becoming people pleasers, becoming perfectionistic. And so for me to push back against that, it has meant learning to say no to things, learning what my, my limits, my boundaries are, and enforcing them. And it has not always been easy. Same thing with advocating for myself. That's not easy. But if I'm getting really sick and sicker because of your expectations of me, I need to do something about it. So that can look like requesting accommodations, workplace accommodations. If you're a student, you get— can get classroom accommodations. And a lot of folks don't realize that if they have access to certain documentation or if they go out and seek it, they seek an assessment, like they might be able to get accommodations. I waited for so many years and struggled so much until I finally arrived at a point where I felt comfortable enough to request workplace accommodations and it was incredibly helpful. So yeah, advocating for yourself figuring out what your kind of limitations or boundaries are and then enforcing them because no one's going to take care of you but you. And if you don't say anything, no one is going to think about it. Even if you tell someone about what your chronic illness is, no one's going to know it the way that you do. Yeah.

And it looks different. Like, I always tell people, especially with endometriosis, I'm so tired personally of being like, oh, it's just that period thing. I'm like, "No!" I just like, half the time, I'm just like, it's ignorance. And so I get it. I get it's ignorance. But any disability, chronic or physical, visible or invisible, looks completely different no matter the label on every single person. We can all have the same exact diagnoses, but they will look and feel inside of us completely different.

Yes, yes.

Completely different. That self-compassion piece that you were talking about earlier comes into play, realizing that we all have some stuff, like whether we know it or not, we all have something. And it's just really giving that space for ourselves and for others to realize, look, accommodations helps us all get to the end goal of whatever it is that you are looking to happen, right? And that's something I want to ask you about. Like, have you had any fear around like asking or like sharing and being vulnerable about like, yeah, I need some accommodations and what I do for work, or as a, you know, a professor as before? Like, how has that looked like for you?

Like, the short answer is yes. The long answer is, in grad school, I suffered in silence. I didn't really disclose much about my chronic illnesses because I was afraid of getting discriminated against for that. And I was in a very toxic doctoral program. Unfortunately, I did not believe that I would receive the support that I needed, and I also wasn't informed about being able to ask for accommodations. So one, I didn't share, and two, I was not directed to those resources because I didn't share. But when I started my academic career and started working in like student support services, um, academic affairs, supporting students That's when I got a diagnosis of like my stomach issues and just started to learn more and see more doctors and more specialists to try to figure out what was going on. And in that process, that's when I worked with HR to learn more about what accommodations can look like in the workplace. And even then, even though I had the documentation, even though I got the accommodations, I still was met with pushback. I still had people, for instance, so I get really ill in the mornings, more so than later in the day. That's not to say that my symptoms just like magically disappear in the afternoon or anything like that, but yeah, they tend to be more, yeah, intense in the morning. So whether stomach pain, cramping, stomach issues, having to use the restroom, I wake up with migraines, you know, you name A lot of times don't wake up feeling that great and they start to subside later on in the day. So I had workplace accommodations where I could go into work a little later. So I'd work from home the first 2-3 hours of the day and then I'd go into the office later on. And I still would constantly have to remind people like, I, you know, I'm not able to take morning appointments so we can meet after 10 or 11 a.m. And a lot of pushback, a lot of pushback, a lot of like, no, we can't do that. Or just people making comments like, oh, it must be so nice to be able to come in late. It must be so nice that blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, are you sure you're sick? Questioning whether or not I was making—

so bad.

I was trying to act like I was okay and trying to hide my pain. And in hiding my pain, I was creating more pain, running into issues where people thought I wasn't sick. But you don't look sick. How many of us have heard that?

So many times. We've all heard it. Yeah.

And so yes, I did have pushback, but you know what? I had the law on my side. Like, I had the documentation on my side. I had every right to those accommodations. And so that's what helped me to kind of manage those instances of ableist microaggressions. Yes, I have definitely struggled with that. I'm a lot more open with it it now because now I'm an entrepreneur, so I get to set my schedule and my hours, and I have more, um, freedom in that sense. But even if I was working a 9-to-5, I feel like I've arrived at a point where I understand myself a lot more, that I would be willing to say and advocate on myself and on behalf of myself and others because I'm more informed. But I know it's hard. There is a lot of shame, there is a lot of ableism, and there's a lot of folks who just might not believe you if you have an invisible disability. But it's up to you to say something. If you don't say something, then it's going to continue to be stigmatized. So I kind of lean more on the side of being a little more vulnerable and saying something if it's gonna help myself and other folks out. Yeah, but again, I know not everybody is comfortable doing that or even is in a space where they feel safe enough to do that. So just figure out what works for you and the spaces that you're at.

This is part of the reason why I wanted to have you on the show, because we need more people like you and I who have gone through some of these things, and we know how you can find your terms of safety and the resources that you may need in whatever place you are in your life, whether it's in college, grad school, entrepreneurship, wherever, working for the man, like, whatever that might be. Like, you do have resources available to you, but it's amazing, you don't know it. Part of it is that safety of being like— I will never forget, so many clients of mine in the past have been like, working a full-time job, trying to do this side hustle, and like, have you asked for accommodations? And they don't even know that that's a possibility. You know, they don't even know that that's something that they can ask or can look into and talk to HR for. So I really appreciate you sharing that. And also about the point that if you haven't done it, don't shame yourself for not doing it because the fear of being shamed for asking for that, it's not like what everybody's like, fear. What is that saying? They say fear. Appearing real or whatever. It's real. It's a real thing. It really does happen. So that fear is legitimate. And it's like having some support around that with people who can maybe support you through it or help you to see how it might be beneficial is really useful.

Yes, it definitely helps to have someone that you can see as like a role model or someone who has done it or walked the walk or you name it. The more we have folks who are willing to kind of say something, then the more folks will learn about the fact that they have access to these options. And that's not— again, I'm like, there's like pros and cons to everything because I've had so many people ask me, should I disclose my disability when I'm applying to X? And I say that's a very personal decision because one, yes, legally they should not be discriminating against you, but two, people will still do it.

Yeah.

So, yeah, so it's a very personal decision. So that's why I say like, yeah, Yes, you should learn about your rights. You should learn about accommodations. You should check out websites like JAN, the Job Accommodations Network, to even see like what accommodations even look like. Because some of these accommodations, you're reading this stuff and you're like, "I had no idea that they could provide me with transcription software," or "I had no idea that I could do whatever it is." Like, there's so many different types of accommodations that exist out there that are actually like lawful and that you're you're entitled to. So, yes, you know, definitely kind of see what your options are and then depending on your circumstances, what feels kind of comfortable for you to kind of get started.

Yeah, I was going to say, do you have a resource or a place besides JAN that you would recommend for people who want to educate themselves on what are my rights?

I'm not an expert on your rights. Yeah, I just mean like disability law, right? I'll say that because I primarily work with college students and graduate students and folks in the higher ed setting, I tell students to always check out the Disability Services Office or program. Sometimes it's called Accessibility Services Office and see, learn more about their services. You can just pop in, sometimes they have workshops and find out, you know, what type of support they provide. And then if you're an employee, to go to HR. Similarly, the HR office, that they might have someone who is a liaison with the Disability Services Office or who works closely with folks who have disabilities or who require accommodations. They might have handouts, workshops, you name Yeah, get a hold of the person who's in charge of accommodations at HR and have a conversation with them. Usually, these conversations are completely confidential, so they're not going to be telling your supervisor about the conversation you had with them. Definitely start there. Start from there and see what you get from, from those conversations.

I'm personally working on, like, gathering a list that I like to give to anyone who's, like, in the community who's asking of different resources, programs, or even coaches in Specifically who, one, have an understanding of what it's like to live with chronic illness and disabilities, visible or invisible, and have a feeling like I can get the support I need with people who can have that compassion from a place of like, I'm living there with you. And also from a practical standpoint of the legalities and lawyers and finding work, which is a really big challenge for those of us who aren't already in work, looking for work that accommodates where we currently are. There's a website called Chronically Capable that is a great resource for finding jobs that are working with specifically hiring people with chronic illnesses, visible or invisible. So I'll have some of those links in the show notes, y'all, so you can have access to that. But thank you so much for this. This was really, really fun and really informative.

I liked it.

Thank you. I, I feel like you, you really get me, and I don't have a lot of experiences like that because because I'm sure you have a big network of chronic illness warriors. But in my space, I find that I don't get to run into a lot of folks who do have chronic illnesses. And so it's just nice to be in this shared space with this familiarity of even though our experiences are probably different, there's still some parallels and some overlaps too. So thank you so much for having me. And it's been really nice having this conversation.

Yeah. So how can people find you? Thank you so much for saying that, because I agree with you. This is part of the reason why I love doing this show. But how can people find you? Anything exciting happening with FemTour? Let us know.

So yeah, if you want to learn more about me, what I do, you can check out my website, gradschoolfemtouring.com. That's F-E-M-T-O-U-R-I-N-G, gradschoolfemtouring.com. I'm also @gradschoolfemtouring on social media, so you can find me on Instagram. Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter. And in terms of exciting stuff, I am co-authoring a book called The Grad School Fem Touring Guide, which is all about navigating— successfully navigating the grad school admissions process. It's specifically for first-generation, low-income, non-traditional students of color, and it's going to be coming out either end of 2023, early 2024 with the University of California Press. So I'm very excited about the book. And, um, yeah, definitely listen, listen to my podcast and check out my newsletter if you want to learn more about grad school, about personal development, and about sustainable productivity.

Yeah, I love that.

Thank you so much. We'll have everything in the show notes, y'all.

That's a wrap, y'all. Thanks for tuning in to Crafted to Thrive, the podcast that helps entrepreneurs with chronic illness to thrive and build a holistic business and life. Check out our website at craftedtothrive.com for this episode's show notes and all the gifts and goodies. Connect with me on Instagram @thrive_with_nikita for more tips and behind the scenes and more. Tag me to share what you loved about this episode, and I'll feature you on an upcoming episode. So until next time, remember, yes, you are crafted to thrive.