The 5-Step Framework for Turning Fear into Fuel

Welcome to She's Crafted to Thrive. I'm your host Nikita Williams, and this show is for all the ladies who are making and creating things that they love. You will hear conversations about the real everyday struggles of juggling life and business while trying to maintain passion and harmony. As women, we have the skill of getting things done, but sometimes we get in our own way. It's here where you'll see that you're not alone. You'll discover that success does not mean perfection. Fear and negative Thoughts and challenges are all a part of the journey. And on this podcast, you'll find the inspiration and tools you need to have a life and business that thrives.

Welcome to She's Crafted to Thrive, you guys. I'm so excited that you're here and joining me in a new year of listening and being inspired and moving past our fears and all the things, right, um, in the year 2020. I cannot believe we're saying that's a new decade. Um, in general. I just was thinking that with my husband the other night, we were talking about how time flies, and I think you all would agree with me. Time is crazy. It's going so fast. So many things are happening and things are happening, and it just really, um, brings to mind why it's important for us to take moments in the day, um, moments in the month, in the year, to really reflect on where we are, what we're doing, where we're going, and really being purposeful and intentional in our actions. And I'm just so— I just want to take the time right now just to say thank you so much for being a supporter of the She's Crafted community. It's been amazing to have, um, some— so many ladies reach out to me last year to share their thoughts about the show and share their love about the show because it really helps me to see that this is helping some of you. It's really reaching you and it's inspiring you to do some things that you may not have done before or may not have thought of doing. I've had so many ladies really share with me their journeys living with a chronic illness or starting a creative business and all the fear and hearing all these other amazing women coming on the show and sharing their journey has helped them to take that next step or take that leap or change that mindset so that they can be more positive and have more purposeful connections with their everyday life and in their business. So I am so thankful for you guys. Excuse me if I sound a little weird. I have a cold. I've had a cold for over 3 weeks now. I am working through it, doing what I can, but I want to show up for you guys. I just want to say thank you again. Thank you. Thank you. Last year we had over 1,000 downloads, which, you guys, is amazing because I did not expect this to be like the show. This was really a place that I wanted just to come and connect with women, and I'm doing that, and you guys are connecting back. I feel like we're building a community. That was my word last year for 2019, was community, and I feel like we are definitely building that, you guys. Are using each other as resources and connecting and reaching out to me. And I just, just absolutely love it. So thank you. Thank you. Now I want to get into the topic that we're going to talk about today. It's a new year and everyone is thinking about all these huge goals. And one of the guests I've had on the show, her name is Christy Monte. She's like, I don't believe in your round goals. And I kind of agree with her. I think year-round goals are kind of overwhelming. I think what we really need to do is have quarterly goals, weekly goals, monthly goals, because things change. And if you're anything like most women in the creative space or women who are living with a chronic illness, you understand this to be true. Every day and every week is very different. And so sometimes our goals have to shift and change color, so to speak, to work with what we want to do. And one of the big goals that I often hear for lots of you guys is starting something new, whether you have an established business or you are looking to start a business because you're in a 9 to 5, or you have a hobby you want to turn into a business. It's like, how do you start something you've never done before or that's something you've imagined of doing? How do you get started? And you guys, I really feel really passionate about talking about this topic because as you guys know, I hate feeling stuck. Like, that's been my thing. Like, whether it's stuck in my body, my circumstances, whatever the case may be, I always— like, that's a feeling I don't like. I don't like to feel stuck. And sometimes we can put stuck on us, if that makes any sense. We can have these beautiful ideas and these great big grand thoughts, but we allow fear to get in the way. And so I want to talk to you guys about fear and then how to move past your fear and how to do that thing you want to do. Last year was a lot for me. Last year, besides continuing going on with the podcast, we decided to move back home to Georgia, which means we decided to buy a house as well. We've never done that before. I decided that I wanted to do group coaching, or so I thought I wanted to do group coaching. So I did a beta program, and I also wanted to start a shop. Now, for many of you guys, you may or may not know this. And if you've listened to some of the earlier solo casts— excuse my cat, you're going to hear him because he's been really active the last couple of weeks. It's probably because I've been sick, so he's here all the time with me. So anyway, one of the things that I really have wanted to do for years, I have always been attracted and I love women and it just who are creating things with their hands and doing things that are amazing, right? And so you may not know this, but I love to doodle. I love to draw flowers. I have done that since I was in grade school. Like, I, I have tons and tons of flowers and just sketches and stuff like that. I used to be really into poetry and things like that, and I got away from that. I used to do crocheting, and now I do crocheting as like a hobby this is never going to be a business. I'll pick it up when I do it and feel like it. But I've always wanted to make or create something and sell it, like physically, right? And so I've always allowed fear, and I also have allowed a lot of the things I'm going to talk about get in the way. And so in 2019, I decided I want to start a boutique for She's Crafted. And I had this huge idea of what it was going to look like and what I was going to do. I also was thinking, hey, I will create my own products, and then I'll do a curated box. And a lot of these things are things that I still plan on doing, but over the course of the year, I found myself allowing fear to get in the way. And so if you're thinking about starting a business or starting something new, um, in your business, here are some things to keep in mind. And it's the number one thing I think stops all of us from pursuing whatever that thing is. It's fear. And fear is funny because it comes in so many shapes and sizes. It's like a diamond in the rough, except it's a diamond we should like throw away because it's useless. Because it, it, it's kind of funny how this fear works. Um, it has good aspects of it, obviously, you know, fear if you go to the fire you can burn yourself, stuff like that. I'm not talking about the good fear, I'm talking about the bad fear, the fear that allows you or stops you from doing the thing, right? It stops you from doing the thing. And fear comes in many shapes and sizes. What do I mean by that? Well, fear can be masked as an excuse or a legitimate excuse. And I say that because I really truly believe there are legitimate excuses, especially if you're like me and you have a chronic illness. Like, look, if there's a flare day, It's not an excuse. It's real. I'm in pain. I'm down and out. But am I going to allow it to stop me forever? Right? So what am I talking about? Fear. Fear comes in those different shapes. And here is what it can look like for all of us. Things that we say to ourselves, things that we do. It could be like this. I don't have enough time. I don't have enough money. I don't really know how to do this. I don't really have the resources to do this. I don't have the energy to do this. I don't really have the support to do this. I'm not really good enough for this. Um, there are too many people doing this thing already. It's already oversaturated in the market, and I don't think I can do this and not fail. And yeah, so all of those things are little different facets of fear, right? We, we allow all of these things to stop us. And let, let me just be like totally real with you, it does stop us. It stopped me. I have clients where I've talked them through fear, and I just want you to know that sometimes that all of these things have some truth in them, right? They have some truth. Like, we're busy people, we're working through a lot of things, so time is a factor, money is a factor, resources is a factor, energy is a factor. All of those things are a factor, but they are not the reason why you're not pursuing or why you can't start that thing that you want to do. For example, I'm going to use myself and I'm going to share this story because I really believe that this is like real life, like real talk. You guys all know I have multiple chronic illnesses and I have a lot of time on my hand, I guess you could say. So time never really is a thing for me, but it is a thing for me in the sense if I'm having really bad days or a really bad few months, time can be a factor. Energy is such a big factor. But those aren't things that should stop me from pursuing the thing, right? So it's all fear. They all stem from fear. We can use these things that are legitimate, but we can use them as excuses. And here's why. We all make time for what we want to make time for, right? We all have the same amount of time in the year, but we all make time for what we make time for. So we are using that as an excuse not to start something. Let's be real with ourselves. That's not the reason why. The reason why— another reason why a lot of people don't start something is money. I'm talking about these, like, 3, like, top things. Money. Like, yeah, seriously, things are hard, can be tight, especially if you have a running business and you're afraid of figuring out, like, what its cost looks like. My biggest thing with that is that you just need to take a step back and look at how things are, and maybe you need to shift priorities. The same thing you might have to do with your time and your money. You gotta shift priorities or look for other ways to allow yourself to actually do this thing. And the other piece, and this is for all my ladies who are dealing with a chronic illness, energy, and I am not enough. That's a fear that's honestly constantly on our minds. But here's what I know, is that there will always be excuses, there will always be fear, and if we lived in that fear and in those excuses, nothing good could be accomplished. Nothing could happen. Right? Nothing. Just think about the fear and the time and the money and the know-how it takes for people to create anything, right? To do anything. When we look at people who are big and doing amazing things, we can't assume— matter of fact, we should assume that there was a lot of fear and obstacles to get in their way before they got to where they are, right? Let's keep that in mind. So here's how I want you guys to think about getting out of fear. There are 5 ways to step out on fear and start. 1, write down your idea. Put all the details down, make a plan if you wish. If you're like me, I have multiple plans of my plans. I like to write out what I think I'm going to do, and all those things. And I'm going to step— walk you through the steps of what I did for my shop. If you don't know this, I started my shop literally at the end of the— of 2019. It launched like Friday, and it's pretty amazing because I didn't think it was going to happen. For me, last year I did a lot of researching and trying to do this and did all these things, right? And then I just decided to keep things simple and focus on a few things versus a lot of things. And I think that's the biggest thing you can do when you're starting to step out on fear. So write down all your ideas, no matter how crazy they may sound to you, no matter how outlandish they are, write them all down and then kind of make a plan of what you want it to look like, this, this new business or this new revenue stream for your business. I want you to write it all down. Now go to the second one. Now the second one is to research. So what you're doing when you're going through these 5 steps is kind of setting yourself up mindset-wise to have concrete evidence that the fear that you have is not real. Okay? So when you're looking at the research, look at if there's a market for what you're doing. Look at, um, how to do what it is that you're trying to do. Look at, um, other people, how they're doing it, and how you would like to be different. Okay, and then number 3, do. Now what happens for most of us is we get stuck in number 2, and we use number 2 of research to be a fear place, right? You start looking at all these things and all these things that people are doing, and we're like, oh my gosh, I could never do that. I could never do that. I could never do that. But instead of saying that to yourself, you should start saying to yourself this affirmation: I may not know how to do this now, but I will. Okay? I may not know how to do this now, but I will. Or if you're feeling like this is too much, I don't have the time for this, da da da da. This, this is what I want you to say to you, say to yourself: this is important to me and I will make this work. Okay, I want you to think about those things when you start getting that like overwhelming and if you start feeling like you're stuck in the research phase. Minor matter of fact, I— and this is very generous and it just really depends on yourself— give yourself a time limit of how long you're going to research a topic or an actual aspect of this idea or revenue stream that you're going to do for your business. Give yourself no more than 3 months, okay? Like, 3 months is being really generous. I really think you need a month, but no more than 3 months because everyone's a little bit different. And then go to step number 3, start doing. Start implementing, start, start trying things, start testing things out, start asking questions. And how I did this for my business, for my— the shop, is that initially I thought I was going to have all these little things like cups and canvas bags and mugs and prints. And I realized that what I really wanted to do is focus on my drawings and create them into journals. I'm a huge journaler. I love to doodle. I love to write down things. Last year when I was doing my podcast for you guys, a lot of the episodes that I went to share a lot of my raw emotional feelings came from me reviewing my journals because I write a lot of things down about how I feel. I write a lot of things about my business and all those kind of things. So I'm able to look back and then be able to see how I can make improvements and also use those writings as a way for me to get out of my own way. So I thought, man, it would be really cool if I can make my journals the focus of the shop. And I love canvas bags because everybody needs a canvas bag. And I love quotes and things like that that are on those bags. So I decided I was going to really focus in on those two aspects. Of my shop. And then eventually I will probably start a curated box and integrating other amazing creators into the shop. But I wanted to start simple, but it took me some trial and error to get there, you guys. I ordered samples of cups and prints and bags and notebooks, and it dawned on me after I had done all that and done all the research of figuring out how much it would cost me to do multiple samples of all these things that I need to keep what I wanted to do simple because I didn't have the money to do that. I wouldn't have the time to do that. I would never get it done. And I didn't necessarily have all the know-how of how to integrate that into a shop. So I stripped it down. And so if you guys are feeling overwhelmed about starting anything, if you look at your plan, what you get to this do part, start doing. And what will happen is you'll start to learn where you can strip down to make it simpler and more feasible for you. But you won't get to that point unless you start doing, unless you start making action. And then the number 4 to me is like a really big one— accountability. I think that this is one of the biggest things we can allow fear to kind of wreck steps 1, 2, and 3, which is to write it down, research, and to do. But if you have a really good friend, husband, business partner, or if you're like me, who my accountability is really done best is if I go out publicly and say I'm going to do something. Because as you guys all know, and if you've listened to the show, I'm a big let your yes mean yes and let your no mean no. And so once I say something out there, I'm really motivated. I'm really accountable to making it gets done. Like, seriously. Like, my husband is always joking about how serious I am about that. Like, seriously. So, and I feel really bad if something happens where I can't fulfill something. Like, I will— it's one of those things. I understand life happens, and that's part of my personality, but I'm very accountable to what I say out publicly and what I say to myself. So for me, the way I did step 4, which was accountability, was to go on Instagram and I talked about what I was going to do all year last year. Last year, you'll listen to the podcast and you'll hear different episodes where we're talking about something completely different. And I'm talking about, I'm going to launch a shop. I'm going to launch a shop. I'm going to launch a shop. And this one is an amazing affirmation and an amazing way to keep yourself accountable because you're not saying, oh, I'm thinking about. I might. You're saying I will do something, right? So that's step number 4. And number 5 is just do it. Just launch it. Nothing is going to be perfect. You can adjust and tweak and listen to feedback, ask for feedback, all while you're doing this thing that you're trying to start for your business. But here's another thing to keep in mind. Keep the idea at its simplest form simple. Like, keep it simple because it will stop the overwhelm. Really, it will help you not to feel overwhelmed and actually complete this goal and idea. Now, I've talked a lot, right? And my voice is getting even more like frosty because I'm sick. But just know that fear is an obstacle that can be overcome By knowledge and doing, right? It is something that we can literally just jump over fear. So remember these 5 steps. Write down your idea, all the details, make a plan, get a general idea of what it is you want to accomplish. Number 2, research. Google, see if your idea is viable. Decide then if that's really something you want to pursue. Ask people for questions who's done it, who's been there before. Do all of those things. And then number 3 is act. Do. Start doing. So whether you're deciding that you want to start a business, like a crafting business, start crafting. Start making that piece of art. Start doing this. Start testing out different ideas. Share it on Instagram and Facebook and see what people think. Start doing. There was one point in my journey of doing my journal, I had done so much research and I was like figuring out and drawing. And then I was sitting at home one day and I was just feeling so like, I need to go touch a journal that's not mine. So I lost my mind. Fear was getting in the way. And I told my husband, because he works from home now, and I was like, I have to go touch something. And he's like, what? I was like, I have to go to Hobby Lobby or Joann's and like just start touching on journals and like looking at them because there's so many different things I'm like, I've learned, but now I need to go test and touch it and ask people what they think. And that's what I did. And that one actually really propelled the rest of why I feel like I even got to a point of launching the shop was because I got out of my head and out of the paper and started physically creating and doing. So do that. Okay? Number 4, have an accountability partner, whether it's yourself, whether it's sharing it with your audience and saying, I am, I will do this thing. This is so important because it keeps you honest and keeps you going and keeps you working through the fear. And number 5, just get out there and launch it. Test it out. Don't wait forever because it's not going to be perfect. You're going to have to make changes. You're going to fail. You're going to make mistakes. And guess what? You're going to learn and bounce back and go. It's kind of like— I, I think about it as kind of like having a chronic illness. I know it sounds weird, but it's like, I feel like when I first got, like, understood that I had endometriosis and fibromyalgia Like, every decision I made after that was like, bomb. Like, I don't know what I was thinking. Why did I do this? Like, all of these different things. And over the course of time, I have to keep living, right? So I had to keep living. I had to keep doing. And I, over the last 3 years, really have come to know and understand my body so well. And I know what I can and what I can't do. But that didn't happen, like, you know, by not living my life. That happened by living my life and analyzing the mistakes and analyzing the pain and analyzing a whole bunch of things and tweaking this and tweaking that. And that's the same thing you're going to do with this big idea that you have. You're going to do those 5 steps and you're going to step out on fear and start, and you're going to learn and you're going to grow and you're going to be amazed, right? You're going to be so amazed at the end of it because you accomplished something. Now, if you're listening to this episode, you're like, oh my gosh, this is so amazing. I can't believe that I need to do these things. Oh, I'm so scared, Nikita. I'm so scared. Jump out and reach out to me. I will love to be your cheerleader. I love helping people just really connect with what they want to do and how to get it done and get out of their own head. One of my favorite things to do while I'm coaching is to have my clients write down their fears, and then we talk about each one, and then we write the answer to their fear. When I say the answer, because fear is kind of like a question mark, right? I don't think I have this. I don't think I need this, or I don't think I am good enough for this. And so write all those fears down and then write the answer to them. And that's what I do with my clients. I ask them, okay, so is that really true? Is that really true? And it's amazing because once they're done and they're looking at it and they're like, oh my gosh, I was just in my head. I was just afraid. So I want you to step out on fear and kill it and do it and reach out to your community at She's Crafted to Thrive on Instagram or in the comments or join the Facebook group at She Thrives Tribe. All right, you guys, thank you so much for joining me. For this solo cast. There are so many new episodes coming up for this year. Um, this was probably one of my longer solo casts, but I am again so grateful and thankful for you being a part of the show. And, um, please reach out at info@craftstothrive if you have any questions or topics or ladies you would like to hear on the show, and I will be so glad to answer them on the show as well. But in the meantime, just know that you are crafted to thrive.