The Biggest Thing that Keeps You From Earning What You're Worth

Welcome to She's Crafted to Thrive. I'm your host Nikita Williams, and this show is for all the ladies who are making and creating things that they love. You will hear conversations about the real everyday struggles of juggling life and business while trying to maintain passion and harmony. As women, we have the skill of getting things done, but sometimes we get in our own way. It's here where you'll see that you're not alone. You'll discover that success does not mean perfection. Fear and negative Thoughts and challenges are all a part of the journey, and on this podcast you'll find the inspiration and tools you need to have a life and business that thrives. Welcome back, you guys! So excited that you're here for another episode of She's Crafted to Thrive. I don't know what's going on with my voice these days, um, but it's a weird froggy sound, so excuse that while you tune into this, um, episode about having an abundant mindset. So I recently was just reflecting on my life, um, living with a chronic illness, living with endometriosis, fibromyalgia, PCOS, um, IBS, and probably other things that they can't seem to figure out. And one of the biggest things that I feel like that I've been really working on, especially for the last 5 years or so, is a positive mindset, like really working on it. And I'm so thankful that my health coach, she really helped me to embrace this thought. I started surrounding myself with a different type of person, like with more healthy-minded people who were thinking not just health in the sense of like physical, like how you look, but from the inside out. And I feel like ever since that entered my life, It's helped me to have a really growth mindset, an open mindset. And I thought I would share 10 simple but effective ways to develop what I think is kind of like a life-changing abundance mindset. It helps you cope and thrive, um, with life hurdles and challenging circumstances. And I think all of us are going through something, especially right now in the era of COVID-19. I can't even believe that we're still dealing with this. I know it's crazy. I mean, I know when we first started dealing with this back in February, we thought, okay, this is just going to be, you know, a fluke, a few months. And here we are almost at the end of the year, going probably into the next year, having to live with this new reality of things. And I thought, why not share some things that I have found that are really helpful when dealing with changes that happen out of the blue. And you guys, if you don't know my story, if you don't know how my changes came out of the blue, if you will, you know, right when my husband and I got married, like literally the day after we got back from the honeymoon, I was going to the hospital very often and I was in so much pain and excruciating pain and no one could tell me what was going on. And for a few years I dealt with like not knowing what was happening and also being told that I was crazy and going out of my mind and dealing with the challenges of living with something like a health challenge, newly married, new job, new circumstances. It was a lot. And I can tell you for myself from that point, if when I look back at my journals, it was a lot. It was a lot going on. Even outside of just my intermediate husband and wife relationship. There was a lot going on in my family, so it was a big troubling time. And I feel like it took me a while. And like I said, I think it's taken me up into the last 5 years to really get around the right mindset to help me prosper even better. Obviously, I have faith and have my family and my friends, but I also needed to get in the right mind space. And that is so important. Important if you're going through different challenges. Mindset is a very powerful tool. It is basically one of the driving forces behind the actions and behaviors that we do or the things that are going on in our lives. Our mindset is the thing that stops us from either being successful, from us being fearful, from us feeling stuck, from us feeling unsure about things that are happening right now. Depending on the mindset that we have, it can really affect our perspective of what's actually happening. So the path of abundance has us looking at the world through a lens of optimism and gratitude. So when you shift how you're seeing things— and I think I've said this before in an episode before— it's like when you're seeing everything through this kind of veil of negativity, It limits your ability to see the possibilities. It limits your ability to see the beautiful, bright things that are actually there. And so unfortunately, we live in a world where negativity is literally the foundation. It's deeply rooted into this world, and people live their lives in fear, blaming people and other situations on their circumstances, on other situations. They can't they see that their situation is not permanent, they get on a fixed mindset. They just don't see any possibility of anything happening new. But the good news is, if you struggle with having a negative mindset, it doesn't always have to be that way. It's something that you can grow out of. And I wouldn't say that I necessarily had a negative, like, always negative mindset, but I did my circumstances as a fixed mindset, meaning I didn't see that there was anything possible outside of my situation. Considering the fact that I have a chronic illness, there's no, um, there's no solution to it. There's no, you know, pill for it. It's just what it is right now. And for me, that diagnosis and those labels really put me in a fixed mindset about my situation and about my health, which overall colored so many different aspects of my life, which made made it really hard for me to see the positivity. So what I want to share with you is ways that are steps that you can develop today to help you move to a more positive, abundant mindset. And they're pretty simple things to incorporate into your daily life that will have you feeling better and having more joy. And so let's like jump right in. The first one is mind your thoughts. You guys, this is probably— this is number one because it's the biggest thing. The mind is literally always buzzing with thoughts that dictate our perspective of what is going on around us. These thoughts truly do run over our lives, and it's important to be aware of them when making the transition from scarcity to abundance or from negative to positive. We've got to pay attention to the things that we're saying to ourselves inside our heads. We have these conversations in our heads that we don't realize that are happening, and And so it's really important to take time to make note of them. One of the ways that you can do that is to write down anything that comes to your mind over the next 24 to 48 hours and write them down so that when you look back at them, you can see the message that you're actually telling yourself on a day-to-day. Some things that we are honestly struggling with, and even I am on a day-to-day basis, is I'm not good enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm not pretty enough. I'm not skinny enough. I'm not healthy enough. I'm— I'm not good enough for so many different things. What if I can't do this? What if this is too hard? What if I fail? Who am I to do something this big in this world? Who am I to even try to attempt this? Your thoughts have been holding you back in a big way. Basically, you guys, that's the negative Nelly's talking to you. And so one of the ways to shift into a more abundant and positive life and mindset is to, one, acknowledge what you're telling yourself. Hear what you're saying to yourself. Become fully aware of what's going on in your head. And sometimes this takes an extra person to tell you, like a good friend or even a coach or a health coach or a therapist to even tell you to kind of mirror the world that you're seeing. Out loud to you so that you can become fully aware of what's going on inside of your mind, so you can regain control of your thoughts. Because your thoughts are like power. They literally are the things that can really mess up with your mindset. So mind your thoughts. Number 2, it's like completely true that who you surround yourself with, um, likely is part of your personality. So eliminate toxic people. One of the best things you can do for yourself is, um, to eliminate people that are toxic. And when I say toxic, I mean people that are always negative, people that are always pulling you down, people that are doing maybe things that you don't agree with. Identify the relationships that are weighing you down and make a decision to stop sacrificing your own needs and happiness for those that, for those that don't even value you as a person. I don't say put yourself first because I, I guess I kind of say that. Put yourself first in the sense of take care of your spiritual needs, your physical needs, your emotional needs, um, but also realize that there is beauty in giving and, and taking care of other people. But also realize that there are people that are going to take advantage of you. There are people that are negative and who do not respect you, and you have standards, and that's okay to be okay with telling people no. So basically, take a long, hard look at who you've had around you or who's in your circle. Do they build you up or bring you down? Toxic people will keep you in a— stuck— will keep you stuck in a cycle of drama and negativity because it suits them and their selfish agenda. They don't want you to do any better than them and won't allow you to grow and flourish into the person you are meant to be. Make an effort to distance yourselves from those who make you feel less than and seek out those that are more abundant and positive-minded. Find a tribe of like-minded people who want to celebrate your wins, encourage you, and help you really embrace this new aspect of learning about being more positive. Number 3 is practice gratitude. Now, for me, this was a really big step for me because when you're dealing with a chronic illness, practicing gratitude can feel like, what am I grateful for? Like, everything I do, especially in the beginning of me getting this illness. Like, when I say I was in the hospital constantly, I was in the hospital constantly. I was at the doctor's office constantly. I was in pain constantly. I would go to work and I would feel horrible. I would have heating pads with me. There were times where my employ— my workmates had to take me to the hospital or to the doctor's office because I was in so much pain. Like, that was my life. Like, that was really when it was bad, when we were trying to figure everything out. So when I was going through this and like, now that I look back, I don't know if I was really ready to embrace being grateful because nothing felt grati— like nothing felt like I was grateful for. Like at points I remember feeling and thinking, man, it would so be— it would be so much easier if I would just die because this is how difficult it was. This is how painstaking, not just physically, but mentally. We continued to be told that I was crazy and have people look at me crazy because I'm like in my 20s and having so much pain. They're like, get over it. Like, you know, it was a really hard time. But I feel like now that I'm looking back, if I had maybe had more positive people around me, um, I had the people like looking at my situation, um, differently. I may have had a different outlook. And now that I'm talking about it out loud here on the podcast, I promise you podcasts, if you're a podcast host, um, it's kind of like therapy. I did have some really good friends. I still do. I have some really great friends that are still friends to this day that I know, and I'm so grateful for, that were put in my life in order for me to cope and not get to the point of being like, you know what, you know, something really bad, you know, to myself, to do something really bad to myself. So, but I, I guess what I'm saying, as I look back and I see that there are many things that I could have been grateful for, and that may have made my path of dealing with the chronic illness a lot easier. So when you practice gratitude, it's one of the most powerful things you can do to attract a positive and an abundant life and practice in your life. It helps you to be more purposeful. Um, it helps you to see things in a completely different perspective. Um, when you decide that you are going to look for and seek out good in every day, it shifts Everything. Notice, you'll start to notice even the smallest blessings as you go through your daily routine. So instead of dreading the day, when you wake up, immediately you think of a few reasons why you're excited and grateful to jump out of bed. Smile more, complain less, spend quality time with people who help you see the blessings in life. I say start a journal. I had many journals. And I can— it's almost interesting when I look back at the journals, I can see like the shift when I started to see things in a more positive way, when I started to be more grateful for things. It's really amazing. Start a gratitude journal specifically because you can look back over the years or the days to really when you're having a hard time finding things you're thankful for, and that will help you jog your memory and bring you back to that positive thinking. So before you go to bed, reflect on the good things that have happened to you and write them down in your journal. Life is unpredictable, as we all know, um, but it won't always be filled with happy moments, and we know that. But there are going to be things that are good and things that we can be grateful for no matter what is going on, no matter what is bad. It makes it so much easier to get through those really tough times when we're able to quickly identify the things that we are so grateful to have, the things that are good. Number 4, stop comparing yourself to others. Now, this one is like in so many different ways that can take away from having an abundant and positive mindset, because if you are dealing with any circumstance, we always look and think that the person that we know or someone that we see who might have a similar circumstance is like the grass is greener on the other side, and that isn't necessarily true. Um, we live in a society where people in the world basically pushes that perfection is real, like, like you can pursue perfection completely right now, and it plays off of our insecurities and it makes us think that other people are better than us. It's no wonder our comparison game is like Seriously on high alert. The problem is when we compare ourselves to another person, most of the time we're placing their strengths against our weaknesses. We're looking at their highlight reel and compare— comparing it with our mess behind the scenes. In reality, we don't see their mess. This is a recipe for self-destruction and the quickest path to feeling depressed, resentful, and unworthy. We have to stop this madness and take steps to eliminate comparison from our life. Do a social media detox. This is a huge one, you guys. Like, seriously, spend less time online. And I know that's so hard. And I know for me, this is still to this day a struggle, not because of the comparison game. I, I don't deal with that too much anymore because I am completely content with the fact that My life is its life, and I got enough to deal with. I got enough amazing and not so amazing things happening, so I don't need to worry about anybody else's life. But being online isn't necessarily the best place to help you foster— to help you not foster this comparison game. So if you can do a social media detox and spend less time online, Embrace your quirks and imperfections that make you, you, because we're all uniquely created and crafted. Um, so keep in mind there are over 7 billion people on this planet and not one of them is perfect, no matter what Instagram says. Okay, seriously, like, stop looking at the people online and thinking those beautiful highlight reels are real. For real. Turn the tables and let others inspire you with their strengths. Their wins and their accomplishments. Rather than feeling like you don't measure up, appreciate what you have to offer while knowing that there is plenty of space for you to shine as well. There's a couple of things that came to my mind when I was writing this and thinking about this. Um, a quote from, um, Julie, um, Julie Paisley. She's an amazing photographer. She has, um, somewhere, I don't know where it is, but she's like, fix her crown. Like, so you can look at someone else and be like really proud of what they're doing and put them on a pedestal. It's fine. You can take what you— what they do and be inspired and put your spin on it, and that's fine. But where it becomes like a thing that's negative and like from a scarcity mindset is when you're thinking that you don't have what it takes to do what you want to do. That is the problem. So the next tip, be intentional. Now, this has been huge for me. Like, I feel like being intentional has made such a big difference in so many decisions and things that I have done in my life. Like, I have— I cannot name them all, but it has made— I feel like it has given me such joy and happiness to approach my life in all areas by being more intentional. So if you're wanting to develop— if you're wanting to develop a more abundant mindset and if you're wanting to feel more positive, the key is to be intentional about how you live. Where is most of your time and energy being spent? Are you working towards something you are proud of or just counting the days until Friday? Make time for self-reflection and get clear on what you really want out of life. What are your values, your goals, your dreams? What really lights you up inside and makes you want to jump out of bed every morning? Until we know what that is and what that true— and why it's truly important to us, it's hard to be intentional with our time and effort. Be mindful of the people you allow into your circle as well as the information you consume. Through social media, television, music, podcasts, or wherever you're listening. Make time to do things that bring you joy and choose to be kind to yourself and others. Take small steps to start embracing life on your own terms. Be intentional. I feel like when I make decisions about doing things, I ask, am I doing this because I need and feel the need to do it, or am I doing it for something else? Like, am I doing this so that I can you know, look cool on social media? Am I doing this so that I can, you know, um, appear to be something that I am not, right? That those are things to think about when you're thinking about being intentional. Trust me, when you start thinking about things through the lens of intent, it really shifts your mind to a more positive place. Learn something new. That's one of the things that I actually really enjoyed about being in Florida when I was like really in the thick of getting into a more practice of a positive mindset. So I started to look at doing hobbies and things like that and learning different things. This is how the podcast even became a thing. I started crocheting. It was a lot of fun. One of the very best gifts you can give yourself is that of knowledge. A person who lives in abundance will make every effort to explore new ideas, learn new skills, and broaden their perspective to see things in a new way. There's always something new to be learned. Decide that you are going to be a lifelong learner and take full advantage of the resources you have at your fingertips today. Now, be very intentional about doing this. Like, be very intentional. Be very intentional about learning something new. Make sure these things are positive and uplifting. So try maybe listening to podcasts, TED Talks, or online courses, or audiobooks, or workshops. The list is endless of the things that you can do. Read a new book, try a new hobby. There's so many things that can keep your brain in a positive flow and learning. Consistent learning allows you to consistently grow and change into a better version of yourself, all while you gain a better perspective about what's actually happening around you and in your world. All right. So number 7, I know this is a lot, right? Be a giver. Now, this is really like, this is so rooted in Bible principles, you guys. Giving is better than receiving. Giving makes you happy. Giving is a good thing and it helps you get out of your head. It helps you get out of your space. There's billions in the world and like billions of people on the Earth, and but we're all connected when it comes to giving and receiving. We all have to give and we all have to receive something. When you add value to someone's life, it will always increase the abundance in what you have, whether that's joy, happiness, contentment. It just adds. Um, becoming good at being an unconditional giver at your time, energy, money, and resources will help you to see things in a more positive light. Don't expect things to return when you give. Just let things happen as they will. There are so many ways to be of value to another person. Go through your house or garbage, or I mean, go through your house or your garage and donate things you don't use anymore. Give away bags of clothing or toys that your kids are no longer playing with. You can declutter your house and your space, or help someone else do that. You can buy groceries for a family member or pay a bill, or pay someone else's bill at the, at the restaurant in front of you or in the drive-through. Keep in mind, it doesn't always have to be about money or material things. You can pray for someone, offer help by just being a person that you can talk to or be on the phone with, lend an Lend an ear to a coworker or friend or a boss babe when they're going through a hard time or a great time. Be friendly to a stranger and offer them a smile and a few kind words. You never know what that can do for someone, and we never know what other people are going through. It might be the thing that they need to get them through the rest of the day. Don't take the privilege of giving for granted. Just love people without judging whether or not they deserve it. Number 8, step out of your comfort zone. One of the biggest mistakes that I think I see with most of my clients is the fear of doing something that they don't know or feels uncomfortable to them. But honestly, when I see them do the step, when they finally embrace doing something outside of their comfort zone, even though it's tough, they are amazed at what they can do. It pushes them to see the possibilities that are in their future, that are in their present, what's in their future, and it helps them get past the fear. Trust me, I get it. Fear is a thing. Like, fear is totally a thing, but courage is even a more powerful thing. Does it mean courage is like you can do something even in the face of fear, even though fear is present? And that's all kind of part of stepping outside of your comfort zone. When you start taking a practice of trying little things that are not so comfortable, it becomes easier. But staying hidden isn't helping you grow, and it's not challenging you to reach your full potential when you don't step out of your comfort zone. Up until now, you've probably been blind to see the things that are possible for you in your life. Developing an abundant and positive mindset is about taking off those blinders and waking up to all the things you've been missing. It doesn't have to be hard. Reach out to someone you admire to ask them questions. Make a phone call about the job you've been eyeballing or the new thing you want to try in your business. Write that blog post and then hit publish. Record that podcast and then hit publish. Record, uh, um, that video on IG stories and hit share on your stories. Once you start taking baby steps outside of your comfort zone, a world of possibilities will begin to open. Number 9. So we're almost to the end, ladies. Eliminate excuses. If you want to live a more abundant life, you have to let go of the excuses as to why you can't have a better life. That is such a powerful statement. Um, I want you all to embrace with me because I had to embrace that for myself. I had to really take to my heart and my thoughts that my circumstances are not an excuse for me not to do what I am capable of doing. They make them hard and difficult, but they aren't— they are not keeping me from doing the things I'm capable of doing. I am keeping me from doing things that I'm capable of doing. Excuses are driven by our fears and our insecurities, and frankly, they're also driven by our lack of seeing the things that are possible. They keep us rooted in perfectionism and procrastination so that we don't, so that we don't tiptoe too far outside of our comfort zone. We make up reasons why we can't before we even try and Fear of failure, you guys, is such a huge reason why that is. And for me, when I think about this, it's like sometimes I wouldn't go to this thing and I wouldn't do this thing because it was the fear of pain, which was a fear of like, I'm just— it's just going to be horrible. It's going to be horrible. I can't do that because it's going to be horrible. I've already experienced so many horrible pains. And then I had to realize, you know what? I don't know that for sure. I need to try it. And that's when I actually found Pilates, which I love. And I can't wait to get back to going inside of a studio for Pilates because I love using the machine and working with an instructor for Pilates. But before that, I was using my excuse of having a chronic illness not to try. Fear of what others will say, fear of looking stupid, which that was kind of a thing for me when it comes to like Pilates and exercise. Like, fear is an excuse. It's an endless cycle that keeps us stuck in a rut and never allowing us to grow into the person that we are wanting to be. In order to live a more abundant and positive life, we have to decide that we're going to eliminate excuses from our vocabulary and our life. When you notice yourself making excuses, go to the root cause, because there always is a root cause. And usually, you guys, it's developed and it's made based on the belief and the feeling of fear, of uncertainty, of pain, or something else. What is keeping you from taking the action? Ask yourself that. Sometimes overwhelm can play a big part too, and it helps to break down bigger goals into smaller tasks so they are easier to achieve. This is a big one too in business. If you're like, I have no idea. How I'm going to do this thing because I don't have this, I don't have that, I don't know this, and I don't know that. I have, uh, I think in the next couple of weeks I'll be doing another episode on how to create goals that do not overwhelm you but excite you. Um, so keep tuned for that. And so last but not least, number 10, healthier habits. I truly embraced this particular tip when I was contacted by my dear friend Renee, who has been on the show, who's also a fellow endo warrior. She's an aromatherapist and certified health coach. Um, she really helped me understand what a healthy mindset is. It's not just about what your body looks like on the outside, but it's about what your body feels like and looks like on the inside. It's impossible to have a healthy mindset if you don't take care of your body too. We live in a microwave society where unhealthy habits run crazy, and we get so caught up in the daily chaos of life that we sometimes tend to put our health on the back burner and allow stress to take over. It's a good idea to take a look at your daily habits and see which ones might need some tweaking or some shifting. You don't have to join a gym or eat lettuce every day. Simply make an effort to start putting yourself first when it comes to your health and create a routine that works for you. Be conscious about what you are putting into your body and make time for self-care. Drink more water, get outside in nature, breathe the fresh air, and make sure you're getting enough rest. That's a huge one, um, especially for my chronic illness warrior ladies. You know, that's like so important. Just decrease your stress by learning to say a firm no to the things that don't serve you. Or to the things that drain your energy right now. So that can shift, right? That can be different. You could say no today and it might be yes tomorrow, but you have to learn that balance. Love yourself enough to put your health and your wellness at the top of your list. This is important because I think that sometimes as women specifically, we push those things to the, to the, to the backboard. Like we push them to the back. And I feel like as, as we grow to accept a more positive and build a more abundant mindset, we have to realize that we cannot help anyone else if we ourselves are down in the pits, if we ourselves are stressed out and sick as a dog, we can't do anything for anyone. Um, it, it doesn't serve anybody. It doesn't serve our God. It doesn't serve our family, our friends, our business. It doesn't serve anyone. So it's really important to take care of yourself and find the balance of taking care of yourself, your family, and all the other things. When you start to develop all these steps— so I'm just going to recap all of them real quick. The first one, to developing a positive mindset is mind your thoughts. Um, eliminate— number 2 is eliminate toxic people. 3, practice gratitude. 4, stop comparing yourself to others. 5, be intentional. 6, learn something new or keep learning something new. Number 7, be a giver. Number 8, step outside of your comfort zone. And number 9, eliminate excuses. And number 10, have a healthier— make and create better and healthier habits. You can easily begin to develop a more positive and abundant mindset today by incorporating some of these tips into your daily routine. Do not feel overwhelmed by these tips. Take one at a time if you must readjust. I'm sure you're already doing all of these things in some way, so find ways you can readjust readjust and make them better, make them more prominent in your life. No matter how long that you may have been dealing with a negative mindset or being like you're in this lack kind of mentality, there is always a way to start and grow to a more positive one by recognizing that you have a choice and that you don't have to be stuck in wherever situation or whatever place you are in your mind and circumstances. You can begin to transform your life and create your own reality from this day forward. So give yourself patience and grace and enjoy the journey ahead, because I sure have. If you talk to my husband about this, he can tell you it's been definitely life-changing for me in the way that I see the world, the way that I see my circumstances. It's really enabled me endure and continue to have faith and to embrace what is good and so many other things. So I hope this episode was, you know, helpful and encouraging to you. If you would like to know whether or not you have more of an abundance or a scarcity mindset, I have a new quiz on the website that I will be sharing with you guys. So if you go to sheescrafted.com, I will have up in the header to try out this quiz. Now, this quiz by no means is like, you know, scientific. It's just a way to kind of give you a parameter or to help you become more aware of whether or not you have a more abundant or scarcity mindset. I am thinking about shifting this podcast to being once every week, but I'm still trying to protect my energy and my time. So we'll be We'll see how that turns out. I'd love to hear from you. Please leave a review on iTunes if you like this episode. And of course, ladies, as we always end the show, yes, you are crafted to thrive.