What I Wish I'd Known About Starting a Business with Chronic Illness

You're listening to the She's Crafted to Thrive podcast, and this is your host Nikita Williams. On this show, we're talking about what it's like to start, grow, and scale a business while living with chronic illness. You will hear from other creatives and CEOs as they share their stories and the lessons that led them to learn to lean more into what works for them. You'll discover that success does not mean perfection, and fear, negative thoughts, and challenges are all a part of the journey, but there's always an abundance of wins. So stay tuned and you'll find the inspiration and tools you need to craft a life and business that thrives. Welcome back to the She's Crafted to Thrive podcast. Super excited that you're here. This episode is probably going to ruffle some of y'all's feathers, and it's an episode that I feel like is is so important for all of us who are dealing with chronic pain in some way, shape, or form, chronic illness in some way, shape, or form. And I feel like I've had to have these come-to moments with myself recently as well as with some of my clients. Okay, so get ready. It's gonna be a short, quick, sweet— you might walk away feeling salty, but I promise you, you're gonna walk away feeling like, oh, Yeah, I need to think about this. I need to think about this. Okay, so I'm going to start with this statement: stop operating mentally in your mind with the mindset that if only I didn't have to deal with such and such. Why am I saying that, y'all? We are not in that reality. If our such-and-such, aka our chronic illness, our people that are— the things that are happening in our life, the circumstances that are happening in our life— is there. It is not going away. Okay. So when we are operating in the mindset of, if only I didn't have to deal with such-and-such, I could do blank. We are never going to be able to do the blank. Okay, we are never going to be able to see the options of dealing or doing the blank. It's just not going to happen. So this is where awareness comes in and allows you to kind of reset your perception of what is and what's happening. This is also a place that I find with my clients, really helping them to tap in, including myself, of understanding your own weaknesses and your own strengths in this area, because there are times during our journey of dealing with chronic pain and chronic illness that we can get locked in our own fixed mindset of dealing with what we're dealing with. And the challenge of living with chronic illness, you guys, is that there is a fine balance of acceptance, embracement, or embodiment— or like, not even embodiment, just an acceptance of that. I do have this situation, right? Y'all, there are different levels that our minds and our physiological body responds in the fact of what we need and what we don't need at the time. There are levels of needs, literal needs, physiological, psychological, emotional, like situational. There are so many needs. And the number 2 needs oftentimes that we are battling with, with chronic illness. And so this is why it's so important to accept this, is that we are needing physiological safety, right? We need to have physiological safety. We also need to have some certainty of safety, right? So if we are operating in the constant mindset that if only I didn't have this very real, always will likely be their situation, chronic illness, we cannot move from there to the next step of creating the results we want to see. Okay? So when we are dealing with this, it's something that I don't think if you were to ask me this, like, back in 2017 or '16, I would have been like, I would have been mad at you for saying this to me. No joke, I would have been so mad because I'd be like, look, this is my reality, but I don't— this is not the reality I wanted. This is not the thing that I wanted. And if I could only do all of these other things like everybody else does, because it's unfair, it's just so unfair. And that's all a part of the acceptance and the grieving and the mourning and all of that has to happen, y'all. So if you haven't given yourself permission to do that, do that. And it's actually really hard to do that if you're in the mindset of only if I didn't have to deal with. You can only really start to deal with. I feel like for my own personal journey of dealing with this stuff is once I like truly accepted it and y'all, acceptance is not like resigning to yourself that, you know, you just can't ever do anything. There's no fighting right now. That's not what that means. But it does require us to really accept the fact that our situation currently, as far as our chronic illness, to yourself is what it is, right? It is what it is. There's no denying it. If you've got a diagnosis and it's been labeled, it is what it is. If you, um, don't have a diagnosis and undiagnosed— I've had a couple of those over the last couple years that I finally have gotten diagnosis over 14 years— but I had to accept my body is this way, right? I had to accept that because as long as we are in denial or beating up something or hating our reality, we cannot formulate a plan to actually move forward. We cannot actually even make a plan in any other real areas of our life if we are not ready and open to allowing the grief and the mourning and all of the things that come with acceptance to see anything else. Okay, our ability and willpower to take care of ourselves outside of our business is a direct indication of the degree in which we'll be able to think outside of the box in all areas of our life, including our businesses. So depending on the degree of acceptance of where you are, acknowledge and be aware that that could be showing up in other areas of your life— personally, relationship-wise, and as well as in your business. You, you guys know I say this all the time, that business is personal. And it's not that, you know, business is personal like you need to make your life problems your business problems. I just mean, just like chronic illness is not all of you, it is a part of you, having a business is part of you. So if you have not come to a place of being able to see beyond, well, if I didn't have this, then I wouldn't have to deal with such and such, then you're not going to be able to truly see outside of the box. Because if you accept dealing with what's going on with your life as a reality, right? You start— your brain naturally says, okay, you're telling yourself, you know what, this is our reality, but we're still safe. We're safe. We're good. It's certain that we have this chronic illness. This is what it is. So how do we function in this world right now with this thing? Right? So when you can start to look at your own daily day-to-day life in the context of, like, Look, you know, getting up and like going out to play volleyball every single day is probably not going to be something I can do for right now or for the time being. Right. So what's my goal? What's the next— what's the step I can do? Right. What's some of the things that can at some point either open my ability to see playing volleyball in a completely different way that I've never, ever even thought or dreamed of playing it? I say that because when I was in high school, I had my knee— I like was— I used to play volleyball all the time in gym and this girl was going for a serve and she totally took my foot with her. And ever since then, I've always had a very, like, real knee issue. Like, I've talked about this probably in the podcast before and like anybody that talks to me about knee stuff, I like cringe. I like, like, it's like it's just the pain. I can just recall it so vividly. And for a while there, it was like really frustrating to like be upset that that would happen every single time. But I'm like, look, why am I upset with myself for a real thing that has happened? That now when I do do things, I am thinking about things differently in order to take care of that very necessary need of like, let's not experience that very specific pain again. So I'm very cautious. Not, not because I'm cautious because I'm afraid of like doing something different. I'm cautious because I have accepted that my knee is special. It's special. She— I call her she— she has her good days, she has her bad days. And there are some days where I'm like, oh my goodness, just, you know, doing a Pilates or doing some kind of walking. Sometimes will flare up those things. And I, you know, I have to like tell myself, you know what, that's okay. We are, we're doing, we're acting in knowledge of where we are. Even though I'm a little afraid, right? Even though I'm a little afraid, but we're protecting you, but we're safe. We're good. This is the same thing when it comes to your chronic illness. You have to be open to being aware of where your chronic illness has kind of, not even kind of, has taken over your ability to dream, to see, to create, to wonder, to imagine, right? There was a time in my journey living with chronic illness that, like, to even imagine where I am right now is like, I, I don't— I couldn't. I couldn't because I was so stuck in like, I just hate or I just cannot get over that I have to deal with this. The moment I stepped into acceptance and embracing it and realized, like, you know what, instead of just thinking like I, you know, my mindset stopped thinking like, if only I didn't have this, it's like, well, I do have this. And so what does that mean now? That shift in mindset allowed me and allowed my brain and allowed my body to say, we're safe now, we're okay. It took work, you guys. This is not something that happens overnight, but it definitely took some time for me to start dreaming and seeing and like, and like creating different ideas, starting to think outside of the box in my personal, like in my day-to-day life so that I can act in alignment with like, this is my reality, but also I am free to experiment and think of other ways to create the results I actually want to see in my health, in my relationships, and now in my business. Okay. So when you can step out of the thought of, if only I didn't have to deal with this— we do. Like, let's just say it out loud. We do have to deal with this. It is a part of our day-to-day life. But if we can start stepping into the mindset of like, yes, we have to deal with this, and dealing with this from a place of compassion and understanding and realizing every day is going to look different, and how I can find the positive in that, how I can make myself okay with that, is the extent in which I will see positive results in my life and in my business. Now let me wrap this into marketing, right? Like getting your business, growing your business in some kind of way. Oftentimes a lot of people are having a hard time like thinking how to show up consistently or in their business because they're like, but what if this, but what if that, but what is this? And I wish I could do it like so-and-so because, but I can't because I'm dealing with this. So funny how we can flip into, um, if only I could do it, if so-and-so was like, you know, so-and-so did have what I had, like whatever. The mind, like the brain is funny when it comes around this. Just know that, okay? Just embrace the fact that our brain finds ways to give us ways to avoid what we perceive to be pain, which is not always the truth. But when it comes to things in your business, when you're looking at marketing, if you're looking at it through the lens of, if only I didn't have to worry about being in a flare-up, I would do such and such. How would you do it if you weren't thinking that way? Right. So I know that's so hard to imagine, especially if you're in that place right now of just like, man, I wish I could show up on lives in my business right now. But because I have this chronic pain and this flare-up, I can't do it right now. What if you thought about it differently? That's how this podcast, y'all, came about because I had to shift. I shifted out of like, well, I can't be out doing my networking thing with the people that I love, enjoy, because I'm in this flare-up. I just had the surgery. Now I can't do this. And if only if I could deal— didn't have to deal with this, I would just be out there doing what I normally would do. I had to shift that and see like, you know what, this is where I am. The acceptance, the embrace of like, you know what, this is where I am. What can I do? Which is when I led to like, you know what, I can still kind of bring that creativity or that connection with people online by like interviewing them and having them like, I can write up a blog post. And then I was like, girl, what are you talking about? That is not one of your strengths. Typing is not— and like writing is not your thing. What could you do? What could be something you did? I got my husband involved. I got other people involved. When you can move out of that limited fixed thought of if only I didn't have blah, blah, blah, can you start to see the box open? Right? Only can you start to see what could be or what is and what can be changed in what is actually changeable. That's when creativity opens, right? I was talking with a client recently, and one of the things that they've been challenged with is like dealing with the type of gear that they have as a photographer. And but they have some gear. And one of the things that was like, yeah, but what can you do with what you do have? How can you get like creative and excited about using what you do have. Like, maybe you've never used it in this way. Maybe you've never gotten, you know, maybe you've never used a 50mm for a portrait or adventure photography before. What if you did now? What if there was a way to see it differently, right? We can beat up ourselves all the time with if only I didn't have, or if I could, or if all of these things But that's energy sucking, right? That's energy draining. It like pulls away from our ability to actually be the creative people that we are, to see and to, you know, find some grit and some humility. I definitely think humility is a piece of this, you guys, like just the acceptance that how we used to do something can be done differently means that we can see things differently. But that takes humility to admit that, you know what, the way I thought I could do it and was the only and the best way to do it is actually not always that, right? And y'all, when you can start to shift into this thought, if it's showing up on social media, if it's like booking mini sessions for a photographer, you know, for your clients as a photographer, if coaching, if it's starting a blog post or starting a blog or starting a podcast, instead of like looking at all of the what-ifs and why the situation is going to be difficult, think about them in the lens of how can I look at this circumstance and have fun with what it is? How can I be open to doing things differently? How can I be open to— like, almost one of the questions I like to ask my clients is like, okay, even though that mindset is there, what if it wasn't? What if you didn't have this thing? What would you do? What would you dream? What would you think about? Like, even if you're like, kind of saying, you're like, man, I wish I was like so-and-so, which, by the way, we don't know what's going on in their life. Like for real. But if you were to put yourself in those person's shoes and they happen to have like the perfect life and no hurdles whatsoever, what would that look like? Maybe it's hard for you to think about it from yourself, but think of someone you really admire and you enjoy and you're like, man, I wish I could do it. The point is to start looking for ways to think differently and put yourself in that place because there's a reason why there are so many people who have overcome challenges and different things. And it wasn't because they saw their situation in the light of what they're dealing with, but in the light of what was possible. Right. And part of that had to come from a place of just being open and willing to let some stuff go, to be wrong, to be different, to try different, to do something without knowing what's going to happen all of the time. That is where it is, right? And that's where we grow. Like whether we have a chronic illness or not, in those times of our life, like if you just think about other times of your life where you didn't know something or you tried something for the first time and you were like afraid, like did that not build your confidence to, to grow, right? So if you're having challenges in your business right now because of fear of whatever is going on, or because of the feeling of feeling limited, it starts with your thoughts about you. It starts with your thoughts about how you view your fact circumstance, right? Fact circumstance is I have endometriosis, I have fibromyalgia, I have chronic bladder disease. I have chronic pain and fatigue. Those are facts. I cannot change them. That is my reality, right? What is not fact is all of those things stop me from doing anything that I ever really wanted. That is not a true thought, right? But you can see how that thought, if I were to operate in that thought and that belief, how my actions would reflect my results of what I'm seeing in my personal life and what I'm seeing in my business, right? But if I were to say those things that we already talked about are facts, it's like, it gives me an opportunity to be creative and to think out of the box. How would that shift the way my actions and results are? That's the question, y'all. So I hope you hear like the sincerity of my voice, because there are times— this is why I work with a coach, even for myself— there are times where I am not— I have still that fixed thought in my brain. Well, I can't do this because I have to deal with such and such, right? Where is that showing up? Be aware of where that's showing up and be open to challenging it. Be open to accepting what is actual facts and shifting the things that can be shifted in your thoughts to help you act more in alignment with what you want to see, what you truly want to see. Right. So that's it for today. Just a little bit of love. A little bit of real talk as always. And I hope you realize that when you are thinking about this, this is not a— this is just like a real talk kind of moment. You know, so many times I get people in my DMs and they're like, how do you do it, Nikita? How do you show up and how do you do these things? And I'm like, one, it's not just me. I definitely believe that having the right support system in place is very helpful, both physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I definitely believe my Heavenly Father gives me support, but he gives me wisdom that I have to choose to act on. Like, you know, you can read something and get your prayers answered, but if you're not willing to be humble and act in the way that you need to act, ain't gonna happen. The results are not going to happen. So a lot of those things has been a thing. And I had to also choose and I have to continually think about What if I'm wrong? Like, what if this thought that I have that's like actually getting in the way is wrong? And that thought alone has helped me to start shifting, you know, and being very specific in my prayers, being very specific in the spiritual food that I take in, being very specific in the people and communities I choose to be a part of. The coaches I choose to invest in, it's because I need to not be stuck in my own mindset of what I think things should or shouldn't look like. Right. And so I challenge you to do the same, because when you do, you will see that you have so much inside of you that you don't even know you're capable of. And it's humbling in itself when you submit to that. Of being like, whoa, I never, I never thought that I could do that. And I'm so glad that I put myself out there to say, I don't know what I don't know. I need help. I'm not thinking right. I'm like beating myself up. I need like community. I need more help. One of the things that I really have just so much appreciated is the permission we give ourselves to ask for help and not shaming ourselves for it helps us to grow in ways we could never truly completely imagine. And that is something as an entrepreneur that I feel like all of us have to create as a skill, right? A skill of being open to one, being wrong, and two, knowing that you don't know what you don't know and that you need help. You know, I've said this before, but if you believe in creation, I really hope you do. We were never intended to do anything alone, like never. There was always supposed to be pairs, right? And if we just accept that as truth, right? We would be less afraid and less worried of being perceived as incapable or broken and all of those things, because in an effect, we are all here for each other and to support each other. So I hope that this was an episode that helps you. I really felt like this is an episode, really, especially if you're at that time of the year where you're going to be around family and we're the last— I mean, end of the year, so to speak, of reaching towards your goals. One of the questions that I ask my clients is like, where have I not been willing to be wrong? And could that be the place why I'm not getting to where I want to go? Could it be? Could it be? I'm not saying that it is, but could it be? Yeah, so I would love to support anyone who's looking to grow, um, in their clarity and their confidence in their business. But most importantly, I want you to know that you are crafted to thrive. And when I say you are crafted to thrive, you truly are. And it's a, it's a journey that you don't have to do alone, okay? So if you have ever thought about working with a coach I hope I'm on your shortlist. And if you would like to work with me, there is a link in the show notes where you can book a sales call with me just to see if this— we can create a tailored plan just for you that will help you to grow in your business with more ease and like transform the way you view yourself with chronic illness. And how you view your business. All right, loves, as always, as always, remember that yes, yes, you are crafted to thrive.