When Your Energy Changes Daily But Your Business Still Needs to Run | Ashley Carlson

Are you the person everyone calls when things need to get done? The one who's always had it together until suddenly your body started keeping different hours than your ambition or than your to-do list. If you're running a business while your energy crashes without warning, if you're tired of explaining why you can't work at yesterday's pace today, or if you're secretly wondering whether you need to choose between your health or your success. This episode is specifically for all of us and you. Today's guest, Ashley, built a thriving agency while navigating multiple chronic illness diagnosis, two young children, and the weight of being everyone's go-to person. And I'm sure this sounds familiar to many of us, but here's what makes this conversation different. She's not going to tell you to push through or how she pushed through or how you should, or that you just need to have mind matter in order to have success. Instead, you'll discover the exact moment she realized that the hustle culture playbook that's like, you know, always running in the background, that's all of our conditioning forever, doesn't work when your battery life is unpredictable and you need more rest because that's your life. You'll hear the specific system she's built in her business and her life that helps her to continue to create success and enjoy her life with her family. And you'll also learn why entrepreneurs who struggle most with chronic illness often share one particular childhood role. We are tackling the question that keep high achievers up all night. How do you maintain client relationships when you can't predict your capacity? When is the right time to hire help when you're not big enough yet? And how do you redefine productivity when some days getting dressed or just getting out of the bed to brush your teeth is the win. Ashley's framework, "You can do anything, but you can't do everything," isn't just a nice quote. It's a complete business strategy for anyone whose energy doesn't follow a traditional schedule. So if you've been waiting for permission to build a business that works with your body instead of against it, this episode is for us, ladies.

If this shows adding something good to your day or your life, hit the follow button. It helps more than you think and keeps new episodes coming your way. And if you're up for it, dropping a quick review on whatever platform you're listening to helps more people find us. I so appreciate you for being here. Alrighty, stay tuned. Welcome to Business with Chronic Illness, the globally ranked podcast for women living with chronic illness who want to start and grow a business online. I'm your host, Nikita Williams, and I went living a normal life to all of a sudden being in constant pain with no answers to being diagnosed with multiple chronic illnesses and trying to make a livable income. I faced the challenge of adapting traditional business advice to fit my unique circumstances with chronic illness, feeling frustrated and more burned out than I already was while managing my chronic illness, to becoming an award-winning coach with a flexible and sustainable online coaching business. I found the surprising simple steps to starting and growing a profitable business with without compromising my health or my peace. Since then, I've helped dozens of women just like you learn how to do the same. If you're ready to create a thriving business that aligns with your lifestyle and well-being, you're in the right place. Together, we're shifting the narrative of what's possible for women with chronic illness and how we make a living.

This is Business with Chronic Illness. I am excited to have Ashley on the show. We are going to talk about a thing I think we all want to do. We all think we should do or be able to do. And it's a slogan that she uses frequently, which is that you can do anything, but you can't do everything. So tell us a little bit about you. Like, how would you describe yourself, Ashley?

Yeah, first of all, thank you for having me. Really excited to be here today. So a little bit about me. I am a business owner. I launched my agency about 4 years ago and I started this career of remote work when I had my son and really when I think all of my health issues were coming to a head. And so I think the, the remote world has opened up such a world of possibilities for me. In being able to continue the life I wanted to lead professionally while dealing with what I've been dealing with personally. I live in Southern California and born and raised here, went away for a while, came back and I, yeah, I have two kids. They are now 7 and 8, which is crazy.

Oh yeah.

So yeah. Well, wow.

I think it's pretty cool that you've been doing this for a while, and I would say the question I think we have from the get is, what do you mean by you can do anything, but you, you can't do everything?

Yeah. So as I, I always say, I'm a recovering perfectionist, right? I think a lot of us are. And I think that for me, what it really hit me when, after I had my son and I was starting to work remotely part-time even. I really expected myself to do everything that I was doing before at 100% capacity in addition to caring for him 100% and dealing with health issues, right? And so, but like I never, I didn't slow down or maybe realize that I can't do all of the same things I was doing plus all these other new things and still enjoy my life or still do the things to the full throttle that I was used to doing. And I really realized, it took me a while, that I realized I'm setting myself up for unrealistic expectations. It's not coming from anyone else except for me. And so I really had to realize, I need to realize that I can't do everything that I was trying to do. And I really needed to find a better balance and Yeah, so that was kind of a personal mantra for a while. And then when I started this agency 4 years ago, it's definitely been a mantra for us as a team and with our clients, because I think that a lot of people struggle with that in, you know, for whatever reason it is. But I think we all tend to try to do everything that we've been doing in a former season of our life. And then as those buckets get bigger, we get frustrated of why can't we do it at the same level? And it's, I think it just, no, but you don't realize as it's happening until you hit burnout really. So that's kind of what we want to help people do.

Yeah, I think yes. Majority of the female entrepreneurs I talk to, we are recovering perfectionists. Like we're trying to be anyway. We're trying to be recovering perfectionists. We're type A, we're very driven, we're very passionate. I always ask this question and I'm curious how you would respond to this is in the transition of like how life changes and like things change, right? I know for me, this is still something I work through living with multiple chronic illnesses. I started off with none that I knew of really. And then having one and then a double whammy, like having the endo, then having the fibro, and then just in the last couple of years, some other ones. And not realizing that those things will change how much I can do in the way that I can do them, right? Like, and I'm curious to know if you, if like me, I, there is an ego and it's not even necessarily ego. There is a part of my brain that says, yes, those things are true that I'm experiencing those challenges, but that shouldn't stop me. Like, I, I gotta prove even more so how I am capable of doing this. I might have to go out of my way to figure out how I'm gonna do it, but I have this determination that I'm going to do it even though it doesn't make sense that I'm gonna do it the same way I think I should be doing. You get what I'm saying here? Like, yes. Have you— do you feel like for the majority of for yourself, cuz we can't talk about everybody, but like for yourself, do you feel that in the trying to do everything, even when life changed, that it was in a prove it kind of mindset?

Yeah, absolutely. And I also think some of it was in a, almost a denial mindset, right? Of, I think that I also got really used to feeling whatever the level I felt, let's say at 50% battery, I was really used to just operating at 50% battery. And doing everything I could at that. And so it was really interesting when, same as you, I got more diagnosis and like now I get IVIG infusions every 4 weeks and I'm out for the whole Friday, but I still work while I'm getting my infusion. And, you know, I still try to manage and manage the side effects that come afterwards and all of that. But that has helped me feel better most of the time other than those couple of days. Right. So most of the time now I feel so much better than I used to. And it really made me realize like, wow, I was really pushing through at 50% capacity. That's, it's wild to me that I was able to accomplish what I could in a day or a week when, you know, so I think you're right. I, it's, I think that I, you just have to realize that 100% of what you've got today might look different than 100% of what you've got tomorrow. And that's okay. And, but I think, so I think for me it was a lot of, and you probably, I think a lot of people feel this way, is we don't realize that we're adjusting to living daily with pain or brain fog or fatigue or discomfort in general and expecting ourselves to operate as per usual. And I think that just becomes very difficult to do. And so I have started to try to, I don't know, honor rest when I can. You know, the other day my husband was home and I realized I'm like, I can't even get out of bed at 6 or whatever, like I usually can. So I kept sleeping because I'm like, he's got the kids. I'm going to sleep until my body doesn't need to sleep anymore. And I slept till 7:15. It was just an extra hour, but I really needed that. And that's okay. And, but again, I, it's never an expectation that others have had of me. It's what I've had of me. So I think that we do that unintentionally and it takes a moment of clarity to be like, oh.

Yeah, no, it took my therapist to be like, girl, let me tell you how crazy this sounds. Like, yeah, it took my therapist to be like, girl, that is not normal for someone who isn't going through what you're going through. So I just want you to know that's insane.

Yes, I actually had a therapist say the same thing to me. Like, you're dealing with a lot. And after, you know, you kind of word vomit everything out and you're like, oh, you know what? You're right. And I think that sometimes hearing that from other people allows us to be more gentle with ourselves. And like I said, just not push yourself to what yesterday's 100% looks like. It's okay if today's 100% looks different.

So I think a question I have for you, because you run an agency, so you are managing multiple different, in a way, other people's businesses.

Yes.

And along with your own, right? So it's not like I feel like especially in a done-for-you like service role as a coach, I have experience with digital marketing. I used to done-for-you. I personally, when I first was diagnosed with my chronic illnesses, I thought and felt I had to shift into more of a coaching consulting role because the done-for-you was very stressful for me. I'm curious, how has that looked for you in your business on both levels of like getting started living, and also you're a mom. I'm not a mom. I'm a fur mama. So I don't have children on my arms, you know, needing time and space for me in that way. So how have you been able to grow your business with all of those different varying circumstances?

Yeah, I think a lot of trial and error, you know, a lot of being able and willing to be, to pivot and be flexible and make changes. I think for me, the agency model, it is a lot more work than I think people realize. And what I did early on, which I think is what saved me and my energy and being able to keep going, is I quickly realized that agency life is a lot of people management between clients and team members. Their— not only does your life happen as someone with a chronic illness and kids and all these things, right? But also their lives happen. And so there's just a lot of managing life happening to all these people. And I'm someone who cares deeply and really wants to jump in and help solve problems all the time. But I realized that was very draining on me to be able to do that in addition to running the business. And so quickly I built an account management team. So they are in charge of a small group of team members and their clients so that way they can do more of the day-to-day checking in and seeing how, you know, things are going. And then I just get kind of looped into the summary that helps protect my energy a little bit. I'm still involved. I'm not in the dark by meetings, but I don't have to be the direct person anymore. And that has really helped. So I did that pretty early on and now that team has grown and now there's even one more person between me and the account management team. We call her Manager of Partnership Success, MOPS. And so she is definitely like my right-hand person. And so for example, last month I really, I was like really struggling with fatigue and brain fog and I don't know what exactly was going on to be honest. But just, I think all of the things were just hitting me at once. And so I was able to let her know, hey, I've got less of me this week. And so she was able to say, okay, what do you need from me? I'm handling this and this. So I was able to say, okay, she's got it. And if I have to do less and be less checked in this week, it's okay. She's got it. And so I think that building that in as a business owner with health issues, I think is really important. And just in general, honestly, even if you don't have health issues, owning a business is really draining. And so I think that having someone who, you know, if there is a week where you just are like, you know what, I need to do less this week, you just can. So I think that for me, that has been a godsend for me being able to get better at resting because I'm not very good at it, but I'm trying.

Yeah, no, I hear that. It is. Having a support system, right? A team in that is important. When you were first getting started in your business, were you like working through your chronic illnesses? Was it new or did it happen while you were building your business?

Yeah, it's actually interesting. I have the timing of everything. So I started working solo just as like a freelancer, as a part-time EA back in 2017, right after I had my son. And I actually had a really traumatic delivery with him. I almost died. I had like pelvic floor issues because of it. I also was dealing— I was dealing— did IVF to get pregnant with him. I had endo, all of those things. And I think at that point I had, I had a lot of health issues, but I didn't have officially any diagnosis besides endometriosis at the time. And so since I was freelance through basically building my agency is when all of the diagnosis started happening. So like I had a hysterectomy at one point, I've had so many just different surgeries and like I said, now these IVIG infusions and all of these things. And so I was definitely dealing with all of this, building the business and having kids while also getting diagnosed with everything. And we all know that all these appointments and tests take up a lot of mental energy that I also feel like though, that I'm now, I definitely am more calm and able to handle the things that life can throw at you because of the fact that all of these things have happened. And I'm just kind of, I am now the person in our family. If someone's ever having surgery or a medical procedure, I go with them because I am the calm in the room. I don't panic. I'm very familiar. I've been asked so many times, are you a nurse?

Me too. Me too, Ashley. Oh my gosh. I get that question all the time. And I'm like, no, honey, just a lot of life. That's all.

I'm like semi-professionally. Yes.

Yes.

So I think that, yeah, just going through the motions and being like I said, I think I started with everything back when I officially started doing IVF and the infertility treatments without really any diagnosis at that point. But since then, that had been 2015, 10 years ago, it's all started to make sense. But it's a journey and it's exhausting. And, but you can get through it, right? And it's, I have learned so much about the medical side and also just me as a person. So, yeah.

Yeah, I think it's so interesting because when I have conversations, I remember for myself the time when I was in that, I call it like the haze, like it's the baby phase of like, I, you don't have diagnoses yet. But you know something's not right. You know everything is jacked up and you're in the hospital. You're doing things like you never did ever before.

You're an interesting patient. That's the phase of being an interesting patient.

It's like, yes, you're like, great, thank you, don't tell me that again. Okay. And I remember for myself feeling at points, for me feeling like, I hope that this isn't the rest of my life, right? Like the not knowing or feeling like I'm pushing through and really hoping that this is not the rest of my life. And while still growing and building a business or doing things that brought me joy, not really being able to create too many systems because for me at the time, things would just change all of a sudden and it wouldn't be anything. So I think the question I have for you is thinking about from like any of the beginning stages of this, were there any systems that you tried to build that you just kept being persistent in and it just have to change and shift? Or were there things that you had to give yourself permission to just allow to be?

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Yeah, that's a great question. I think for me, the thing that I needed to do was somehow figure out how to be consistent with client and team relations. Without it needing to be me all the time directly on, right? And so building out a CRM system that we still, it's not fully automated, but what it does is let me know, hey, here, it's time to send this check-in email. And there's just a little framework of like, of, you know, we still go in and customize the message, for example, because we still want that human touch, but it's not something I have to manage. Or, you know, like I don't have to do it that day. It could be done the next day. Um, we also have, we use a project management tool. We now are in ClickUp. We used to be in Asana and both are amazing. And it really helps all, everybody keep accountable. Our phrase of this year is positive accountability in our team. And I think that is huge because I think that all of us just need that positive accountability of, of ourselves and of each other. And so for me, I think just systems that, you know, have clear expectations. It doesn't have to be overly complicated. It just helps you be accountable for maybe what needs to happen that week and with enough flexibility, right? Not so rigid to where if you are out for the day for health reasons or for whatever, it's okay, right? So I think a good combination of predictability with flexibility is really important. And like I said earlier, just flexibility and being able to pivot is, is really key.

Yeah.

For someone who is starting, maybe they're starting or they've been in business for a few years and they're waiting to get support. This is something I hear often from folks. They're like, no, I'm not big enough to have support. I'm not like, you know, over here rolling in the dough to have support. However, I think those of us living with chronic illness, I think it's the most like the most important thing to have. If you don't have systems, you need a human, like you need somebody else. Like, but that's my own personal thoughts. But for you, because this is kind of, you know, this is your lane, what kind of things or what, yeah, what kind of things would you share with someone who's hesitating on getting the help that they need or support that they need in their life slash in their business? Because, you know, they kind of coexist together.

They sure do. They absolutely do. I think that, again, just going back to what we said earlier, our, my whole, I think, mantra is you can do anything that you can't do everything. So I explain it to people as when you first start your business, let's just imagine there's all these like small buckets of where, of the things you manage as a solopreneur. And by nature, you have to do it all because it is just you and it's just a baby business, right? But as the business grows, which inevitably it will, each of those buckets gets bigger and bigger. And at some point it's just going to be cut. You can't do all those buckets anymore. And like I said, I reached that point of not knowing why I can't, why I used to do all this. Why can't I anymore? Ashley, because it's more, each part of this is more. And so every business owner is going to reach that point. So whether it's before you reach that point, or if you've already reached that point, you do need help. And so something that I do. Is talk with people about what is overwhelming them. I have a worksheet, I have a series of questions that I can ask them to help them identify what should they delegate, right? What should the next team member look like? Whether that is fractional support on the ops side like we do, or if it's fractional support on the marketing side or whatever side of it, I can always help them identify that because I'm really, I'm just really passionate about helping business owners not reach for an out, not feel like they have to do all the things that don't spark joy or that they're losing business because they're just spread too thin, whatever it might be. And so I'm, I always say just book a call and I would be happy to talk with people about identifying what that next delegation point looks like. And so, I mean, like I said, we do, I do strategic planning for people. My team does day-to-day implementation for clients and there's a whole slew of people in my network who also help in different facets, and I think that you don't need a big budget to get the help that you need because you can find it and it's just not worth burning yourself out by just for finance, right? Like for financial reasons, is it worth it then? Right? So I think investing a little bit of money into where someone can help take that weight off your shoulders so that way whatever's left in your day to day, it sparks joy, you're not feeling burnt out. Like, that's why you started this business in the first place, right? So let's get you back there.

So it's interesting because we're talking about outsourcing, we're talking about asking for help a lot, right? And for people who are struggling with asking for help, I think sometimes they, in my experience from the women that I've talked to, the people that I talked to that have trouble asking for help. There's fears that's there that I don't feel like they always realize that everyone that is asking for help has those fears, but they still asked for help. So like, what are some of the fears in your journey with chronic illness even that you've had to ask for help for, even with the fear? What was the fear? What were the things you had to work through in order to accept and ask for help.

Yeah, I think that I still struggle with asking for help, and it definitely took me until I had my second kid, that my daughter, that I finally realized, okay, Ashley, get over it. You have to ask for help. You know, that is when I realized I cannot do this by myself. We weren't meant to do this by ourselves, right? We are— human nature is community, is, you know, when they say, I, I've realized when they say it takes a village, not just for raising kids, but in life, it really does. It really does. And something that I realized, because I also, like I said, struggle with asking for help. And I feel like, again, I struggle with, no, I've got this. I'm a very independent, self-sufficient person. And so I feel like by asking for help, I'm saying I can't do it. Right. And that's not, that's just not true. I can, I have the ability to, but it's also okay that maybe today I can't, or maybe if I go do this, I might go cry in a corner for a little while because it's just one more thing that I just, I just can't do it today. And so I think it's realizing that of, are you doing all these things at the detriment of your own joy? And I started to realize that, that I wasn't, I was so busy doing all the things that I didn't. I wasn't actually enjoying my life that I was working so hard for, cuz I was just trying to get all this stuff done and the list was never ending and I wasn't resting and I wasn't taking care of myself and all of that. So something that someone described to me once that really helped is, Ashley, if someone, if a friend of yours called you and said, hey, I need some help today, would you second guess them at all? Or would you? And I'm like, no, absolutely not. I would be there without question, if I had a friend who called me and just said she's having a hard day and wants to talk, I would absolutely drop everything and listen. Whatever, you know, there's never been a time where someone I know and care about has asked for help or said they needed me in some way, or if I've asked them, can I do something for you? Right? I have never thought negatively about it. So why do I do that? So I've just realized that, you know, I have a great village around me. That I'm willing to help all the time. I have to realize that they probably are really willing to help me too, right? So—

Yeah, so I think I heard in there the fear is that the village won't show up, right? Like, they'll think less of me. They'll think I'm not whatever, superwoman. Like, they'll think— I guess that's the question is like, what has been your fear more specifically? Like, if I do ask for help, what are they— going to think of me?

I think for me it's more of that I would feel like it's more of that maybe it's my own ego of maybe that I like, no, you're an independent woman, you're fine, you've got this, you know? Um, and so I think for me that's, that's been the hardest part is overcoming my own expectations of myself.

Yeah. You know, there's a, there's a woman, I wanna say her name is Chris Christine Hassler. She's a— she has a book called— that talks about expectation hangovers. And it was one of the first books that I like read, or coaching I read, or something. I can't remember if it's in her coaching certification or in a book. And I thought to myself, that is a real thing, right? Like, we put ourselves on some of these— we have these expectations. I mean, if I'm gonna get real scriptural, like real spiritual here for a minute, like You know, there's a verse that says, you know, expectation makes the heart grow sick. And it's, it makes sense, right? Like we're sitting over here trying to, trying to do all of these things. And then if it doesn't get done, then we're sick and also pissed off. Like we're also upset. Like we're also like, oh my gosh, this is, we should have done this. And to your point about the joy, we lose it. Like we lose the joy in doing what we enjoy. Because we're so focused on the expectation.

Yeah, I think that I had to redefine what success looked like, right? Like you have to just redefine that. It's not saying yes to everything and doing everything. And, you know, success, like I had to realize success doesn't mean like I don't have to do the dishes every day. If I go to bed and there's still dishes in the sink, it's okay. Or if there's still laundry that needs to be done, like it's gonna be there tomorrow and I should just rest for 20 minutes or go play with my kids for 20, whatever it looks like. And I think that it's just, it's redefining what success like in a day looks like, right? Defining sometimes it's just, I made it through another day. Like, and that's okay. If that is it for today, it's okay. And that, but that was very hard for me to overcome that expectation of myself.

Myself.

And also, like, not— I think I also don't ever want to be a burden on other people. But again, I have to remember, but if someone asks me for help, I never look at them like a burden. It's interesting, the stories we tell ourselves, you know?

It really is. I'm learning through my own healing through this because it's a big one for me. This is like one of the biggest, one of the biggest things I work through with therapy, through spirituality. Like, it's a big thing I work through. I, however, am learning that this expectation over—

what is it?

This expectation hangover also is coming from conditioning. It's coming from my growing up and watching and seeing other people, the expectations that either were put on people or that I perceived to be expectations. Has that been something for you that you've been like, oh, this is deeper than just I want Like, it's deeper than my ego. There is other things that have affected the way I view how I work.

Oh, absolutely. I think that I grew up wanting to be like the CEO woman who runs a Fortune 500 company at the top of a high-rise building. I, for some reason, painted that as successful, right? But also being a mom, and, and it's just interesting because I'm like that That's— I was wanting to be two separate people in reality, but I feel like I definitely painted this picture of what success looks like. None of that had to do with someone who dealt with chronic illnesses, right? How do you fit that into those pictures? And I grew up also, I was an only child for 13 years before my parents had more kids. And so I also feel like I was the very first grandchild for year— for those 13 years. My cousins also weren't born until then. So I was the golden child, if you would, right? For a long time, I was the first one to graduate college from my family, all of that. And so I definitely, I still the go-to person for our entire extended family of the one who plans everything. I honestly get asked all the time for like big family decisions. Me, I'm like, I have a grandkid, but I'm like, what? So I think that I just somehow have always been the go-to person, the one who takes responsibility, who has it together and all of that for my whole life. And again, it comes naturally to me and that's okay. But then sometimes I end up realizing that I have way too much responsibility of, and the expectations of what I can get done in a day is just unrealistic. And so I have to. It has been just ingrained in me. Like you said, it's from forever. So it's very interesting. Like I said, I think I just hit a point where I had to just redefine success for myself. And right now, I think I was just telling you before we hit record yesterday, we had an entire day of no plans at all, not one single plan. And it was my favorite day in a very long time because I just loved being able to do just whatever we felt like doing. And I think that says a lot about really honoring, just for us who deal with these kind of health issues, honoring what you feel like doing that day. If it is rest, if it is work, if it is, you know, whatever, anything in between. I think that it's really important to get in that is the habit that we should have, right? Of, yeah. Of just whatever feels good today.

Yeah. You know, that's such a good point. And also, I don't know, because I have a lot of these conversations, Ashley, I have noticed many of us, a lot of us, are either like the oldest. We are the, you know, typical the oldest. If not the oldest, we were treated like the oldest, kind of big sister, you know, kind of the responsible one. And I'm the oldest, so I always— the thing that I always am thinking about, like, I didn't have my chronic illnesses necessarily until I was adult-ish. And I personally feel that for me, a lot of the stress of being quote unquote the oldest, being the one who knows. And to your point, I used to be that person too until recently, and I cut that out. I was like, I cannot be the person who everybody goes to for all their stuff. At this point, I feel so much lighter that I don't know, like when I find out something like, oh really? Oh, this is what this feels like. Like, that's where I'm at with my life. But I personally have realized that living with all of that weight, even as a kid, even though maybe I'm predisposed to being able to know and be able to— like, I can naturally, I guess you could say, lead a room or make a decision or see whatever was happening, right? That was still a lot of pressure for a kid, right? So I personally feel like as an adult running my business, it is much more— I have to be much more intentional with my rest. I have to be much more intentional about deciding that I am going to allow myself to just to have a day and decide what's going to happen. It's not a natural thing for me to do. Because of innately, I think there's an aspect of that to me. And also I've put myself in a position where people rely on me, so that's what they need from me, right? So I'm curious for you, have you noticed a correlation of living with chronic illness, dealing with those things, and being like, huh, I wonder if this has something to do with that, you know?

Yeah, I 100% agree with you of the— it just kind of happens by— because it's by nature, it's We just are that person. And I start to like use, but I think you hit the nail on the head when you said intentionality. That has been huge for me. I have to be very intentional of someone invited me on Saturday to do something on Sunday. And that was my day of no plans. And I said to them, actually, I have no plans and I would like to keep it that way. And I was, I wanted to like, I was inside, I was like cheerleader, like pom poms. Yay. You said no, you know, you, that's a big deal, but I had to be very intentional of that. Because I think that it's, it's difficult because you do. Yeah. I think like, especially us chronic illness people get it. Your person of yesterday who said yes to the thing today is like not the same person.

Not the same. Well, not the same.

It is. They sometimes are very different people on the day of whatever you committed to. And so I have to be really aware of that. So I mentioned my infusions earlier. I have to be very aware of the weekends after my infusions, what I say yes to, because I've learned I end up feeling really unwell and not enjoying my time, being grumpy to everyone around me if former Ashley said yes to that day. So I think just intentionality and yeah, it is interesting to see this like nature of responsible person. I, I have another friend who also is the oldest and deals with chronic autoimmune things, and it's very interesting. There's gotta be a study.

There has to be. I'm looking for it. Honestly, I really am. Like, I'm not joking. I've been like looking through the NCIH to be like, because I do think there is a correlation, but I also think there is, as we grow and as we like are making decisions in our lives and our businesses, it goes against our natural thinking when we are doing that. And so I love that you shared. I literally did the same thing recently, Ashley. I had a no-plans day. Like, I planned a no-plans day. I planned a no-plans day. And that weekend, of all the weekends that I did it— and it's not like I get a lot of, like, invites for things all the time— but this weekend, I was like, they were coming out of the woodworks. And I was just like, this is a test. Like, this is a test. I must stay with my no plans. Like, you know what I'm saying? And I felt excited about it. But personally, I also felt like sad at the same time.

Yes.

Because it's kind of like that you want to be with people. I think when you live with chronic illness, you have a lot of bad days. Like, you have a lot of bad days where you're already kind of modifying and changing. So when you take a day that you choose to be doing nothing, and then there's things that are like, oh, other people, you want to do it, but at the same time you need that self-time with yourself. And I imagine as a mom self-time doesn't happen that often.

Right.

Right.

Yeah.

So how have you balanced being a mom with chronic illness and running a business?

Yeah, that's a loaded question because I feel like it depends on the day or the year. But when I had my kids, they're only a year apart. So when they were, and that is when I was working as a freelancer, when they were both very little. And for the first few years, that was also when they were 1, 2, 3, 4, that was also the time, the years where I was health-wise really struggling and getting my diagnosis. So all those tests, all the endoscopies and who knew I had the, my hysterectomy around that time. I, you know, a lot of just, I had sinus surgery, all kinds of things. And the, all of that was happening at the same time. And actually, now that I think about it, I ran, I started my business right around the time where I I finally had a lot of my diagnoses, not all of them, because I just got another one last year, but I think that I finally felt like, okay, I know what's going on in my body. Because I, you mentioned it earlier, the unknown and the, am I crazy or am I overreacting? It's very difficult to, I start, I started wondering like, is, am I questioning, am I like, like, am I just questioning too many things? Is this normal? And I'm just maybe bringing attention to, you know, kind of So I think that it's just been very interesting to raise kids and a b— and a business and be diagnosed all around the same time. It was— I actually don't have a finite answer on how I did it, to be honest, but I think it— I always took it as just one test, one appointment at a time because thinking about all of it was too overwhelming. I also really tried to protect my time with my kids. So for example, we live in Southern California, like I mentioned. And we have a SoCal Pass to Disneyland. And so a couple years ago, I booked the SoCal Pass. And once a month, I take my kids, we play hooky from school, hooky from work, and we go play at Disneyland for the day. And I need that time to just play with my kids and just, you know, so I just try to, I think, be intentional about making sure, like I mentioned earlier, that I'm enjoying my life that I work really hard to do, right? And I think people with illnesses like us, I really appreciate every day that I feel good. And so I wanna take advantage of that, you know? And my kids now are at the age where they know mommy's nurse comes every month and they know him and he's great. And they know that it's to help keep me healthy and be able to, you know, enjoy. And they also know that if mommy, like if I say to them, guys, I'm really not feeling great today, I need your teamwork, right? That's what I try to tell them all the time. I need really good teamwork right now. Because they are 7 and 8, they do argue, they do, you know, just bicker at each other or whatever. And so, but those, there, there's moments where I really don't feel well and my husband's at work or whatever it is. And now I can say to them, guys, I need your help. Right? So it is kind of cool for them to see and sympathize a bit and take, I don't know, responsibility of like, oh yeah, we've got this. Like they can get themselves ready for bed because I am having trouble. Right? Or help clean up the dinner, whatever it is, right? And so I think that it's just being honest with ourselves and communicating it. And yeah, just one appointment at a time, I guess.

Yeah.

Yeah.

One day, like I was just talking to a good friend of mine, we were talking about like sometimes it's depending on where you are in your phase of living with chronic illness. Sometimes it's one day at a time. Sometimes it's one half of a day at a time. Sometimes it's one hour of the day and sometimes it's one minute of a day. Like you just, have to give yourself permission for whatever that looks like for you. I wonder, Ashley, if you've found that the systems you've kind of implemented in your work, have you found systems in your life, like asking for help in other ways, like assistance at home that has helped you find some more time, more balance with the things that you need support with?

Yeah, absolutely. And that's actually like, it's an ever-growing conversation with my husband and I. So he works in the studio industry. He works like 80 hours a week. He's very not here during the week when he's working. So our, we have had really honest conversations again when I realized that I can't do everything. I just can't. And so we've had conversations of, okay, well, how can he help? Like he can't really be here with the kids. What can he do? So he's in charge of emptying the dishwasher when he gets home, either at 10:00 PM or at 4:00 AM before he leaves, whatever that looks like, or the trash. And there's little things that he can do even when he's not actually here. Or for example, he's in charge of setting up all of my IV stuff on those days. Mm-hmm. And getting it ready. Or when he is off work, he is in charge of more stuff, right? It is, those are the times where I don't have to worry about what's for dinner that day and things like that. And so yeah, my daughter actually just got diagnosed with has celiac disease, so that's been a whole journey as well. And so it's just, it's been really amazing to see like our family come together with family events and our friends, you know, it just, again, like leaning on your village and, and just letting them know, like, hey, and they've been reaching out to me like, hey, Riley's coming over for this birthday thing, what can she have? Or what can I buy for her so she feels included? So I think as long as you're just talking to your people, they're going to— they won't fully understand, and that's okay, right? Okay. But they will do their best. And it's just really nice to see, whether it's my husband here at home, my kids, family, friends, just do the little things, right? That I have people send me TV shows that I should watch on my infusion days, you know, little things like that. They're like, oh, you should really— I know you're going to be tied up for 5 hours, try this show. Just little things that people they know that they're thinking of you. And so I think that sometimes is really the, it's the mental load, it's the physical load, and it's also just the heart part, right? Of just knowing that people do care about you.

So what I think I heard you say really is like, involve your tribe, like be vulnerable and be open to telling your tribe what you need, right? Because we can't do it by ourselves. It doesn't, you know, I, I don't have children. I have fur babies. I'm married. I love my husband and he works from home. So our situation, and it wasn't always like that. He used to work out of the house and had to commute 4 hours. So like 2 ways one way and 2 ways the other way. And when I used to work in corporate, when I used to work in an environment, like if I had to go to the hospital, like my workmates took me to the hospital and my husband would drive down to get there. Or sometimes I had friends come, you know, so it's like, there is a huge piece of vulnerability that comes in with living with chronic illness. However, do you feel that it is more challenging to be vulnerable in the space of this, or is it more empowering to be for you?

I think it's empowering for me personally. I've always been a pretty open book, and I will say that the— what I have realized in not really being afraid of being vulnerable, I have realized how much people appreciate that because they're like, they'll say, oh, I struggle with XYZ, and maybe it's not exactly the same, but it's— we all, I have realized, we all struggle with something, whether it's a chronic illness, a mental illness, a just challenging season in general, loss, life. Yeah, right. Like anything. And I think just in general, showing each other our struggles, because now in the day where there's social media, we all typically will share, cuz no one's really taking photos of themselves during their hard parts. They're taking photos of the moments they wanna remember and that Spark Joy and sharing those. And so when you're struggling, when you're in a season of hardship, whether it's chronic illness or any of the other things that we just talked about, I think that it's so easy to compare our hard time to someone else's good time on social media, and it starts to feel very isolating, like you're the only one who is struggling. And so by opening up and being vulnerable, it allows pe— and sharing your hard season, it allows other people to share their hard season too. And not gonna fix it, but gosh, it feels really good to know you're not alone and to realize that other people do get it. And again, it also makes it feel a little bit easier to ask for help when you need it, right? If someone else shares that they're going through whatever and you offer, hey, if you ever need on those days a ride, or, you know, let me send you lunch on those days, or whatever that looks like, then when you maybe wanna ask, you know, it, it really start allows, it opens up that door for vulnerability, for help, for the village to step in when they need. Yeah, that's been really huge for me.

Thank you for sharing that. I think that will serve someone who's in that comparisonitis cycle.

Yeah.

Right. It's so true. If someone were wanting to start an agency and they're currently living with chronic illness right now, What's a piece of advice you would give them?

Yeah, it's a big agency. Like I said, it's just a lot of people management. I think for me, it is, it has been building and honoring the flexibility that I know I need. I'm honoring that for our team. Communication, team culture is really big for us, making sure that everyone is feeling valued and heard and connecting, especially if it's a remote agency. Connection is really key. And it is doable. And I think just starting, just from the start, the way— be really intentional in the way you build it so that you are not needed every day, all the time, because there's just going to be times where you can't. And that's okay. But if you build it in the right way, it's not going to fall apart if you're out for a day.

Yeah. And I like to ask this question. What's something that you thought was true when you first started your business that you no longer believe is true?

Oh, that's a good question. I think that I definitely, at that time when I started my business, it was like, I feel like I was probably addicted to productivity, right? Of doing a lot of things and that was successful, right? Of just the more I got done and the bigger it was and the, you know, all of that, whether it was number of team members, number of clients, number of things I got done in a day. I feel like I was definitely that hustle culture equaled success for me and quickly realized that's not the case. And I think that I have definitely now realized that slower is better, less is better. I try to, I mean, gosh, if you saw my calendar 2 years ago, you would probably have a panic attack. I probably would too if I saw it. It was just like the more I said yes to, the better, you know? And so I realized I have to build in. Free time, and if that means going on a walk or it means just getting a bunch of stuff done, again, going back to like whatever feels good in that moment. So I think for me it is less is better and not as many people, not as many clients is still really successful. So I think that would be my big difference between Ashley in 2021 to 2025.

That's awesome. Well, how can people find you? What's anything exciting coming up for you and your business that you would like to share?

Yeah, so I am pretty active on LinkedIn. Ashley M. Carlson is the, is this link. And then we as a team are active on Instagram. So it's Elevate VB Solutions. And then things that we have coming up, actually, it feel like a lot of people could use this. I mentioned it earlier about delegation and identifying what to delegate is so important. And whether it is personally or professionally, it goes hand in hand. I am now doing delegation workshops once a month. So they're small groups, 6 people only at max. If there's just 1 or 2, that's even better. But it's meant to— I'm going to train— I train on how to delegate successfully, how to identify what to delegate, all of that. And then we actually workshop through it together live. So you walk away with that and it's meant to be more of a workshop style, not webinar. So very interactive. And I'm doing those once a month because I just want more people to be able to realize and identify what they can hand off so they're not feeling like they have to do everything.

That's awesome. We'll make sure to have that in the show notes for folks to check out. Thank you so much for being on, Ashley. I so appreciate you telling your story a bit and telling us a bit of, you know, some shifts, reframes, if you will, and how we view our productivity and running a business. So thank you so much for your time.

Thank you so much.

That's a wrap for this episode of Business with Chronic Illness. If you would like to start and grow an online coaching business with me, head to the show notes to click a link to book a sales call and learn how to make money with chronic illness. You can also check out our website at www.craftedtothrive.com for this episode's show notes and join our email list to get exclusive content where I coach you on how to chronically grow a profitable business while living with chronic illness. Until next time, remember, yes, you are crafted to thrive. So let me tell you about one of the tools that has quietly become the heartbeat of my business over the years. It's HoneyBook. I use it for everything. No, seriously, everything. It's how I book my podcast guests, bring on new one-on-one clients, even manage group coaching calls when my other platforms decide that they wanna have a meltdown. From contracts and payments to contact forms to task reminders, HoneyBook keeps all of the moving parts in one place and it is all automated. And here's the real kicker. It works with my capacity, whether I'm having a low energy week or need to automate a bunch of stuff in one go or just create a system that makes it easy for me to run a flexible business, HoneyBook gives me that freedom to still move my business forward. If you are looking for a central hub to help you work smarter, not harder, I highly recommend you checking it out. So if you head on over to the show notes, you'll get 50% off your first year. And yes, that's my affiliate link, but I only share what I actually use and love. HoneyBook is my jam and I hope you check it out.