Working through anxiety and imposter syndrome with Ruth Terrero

I am so excited for this episode with the amazing Ruth Theriault. She is a destination wedding photographer based out of Tampa Bay, and I have known her since 2016-17, and she's part of the reason why I started this podcast, which I share with you guys a little bit at the very first part of us having our conversation. But what I love so much about this conversation with Ruth, which I think you will benefit from too, is Anxiety can be chronic, you guys. Anxiety can be the thing that gets in our way. Anxiety can be the thing that hampers us from showing up in our most amazing truth of creativity that we have. Um, it could be the thing that stifles our creativity and our gifts that we have been given. And I love how open Ruth is in this episode to share how she's overcoming that, how she's working through it. So if you ever have struggled with anxiety, I know you'll find some tips and tools and some inspiration by listening to this episode with Ruth Theriault. So stay tuned. You're listening to the She's Crafted to Thrive podcast, and this is your host, Nikita Williams. On this show, we're talking about what it's like to start, grow, and scale a business while living with chronic illness. You will hear from other creatives and CEOs as they share their stories and the lessons that led them to learn to lean more into what works for them. You'll discover that success does not mean perfection, and fear, negative thoughts, and challenges are all a part of the journey, but there's always an abundance of wins. So stay tuned and you'll find the inspiration and tools you need to craft a life and business that thrives. Happening on February 28th, 2022 at 3:00 PM Eastern Standard Time, I'm hosting a new live virtual event featuring 3 amazing women who are going to be talking about the 3 Ms to growing an irresistible and sustainable creative business so that it feels like it's raining dream clients. We're going to talk about how the 3 Ms make your business and life easier, all while helping you to attract more of your dream clients, and how successful women are approaching marketing by focusing on all these 3 Ms in a way that creates easier flow and income in their business without burnout. So you want to go ahead and visit www.thrivewithnikita.com/dreamclients. Can't wait to see you there.

I am really excited to have another amazing woman on the show. What's crazy about this though, is that Ruth was probably part of the reason why this podcast came about, and she probably doesn't even realize it. She's already making faces right now. Um, when I first started doing, or even thinking about anything like this, I was doing a blog post. And I was interviewing locals in the Tampa Bay area when I had first moved there. I had just had my surgery, and I can't even remember how we connected. I honestly can't. Do you remember?

Maybe Instagram?

Maybe. Girl, I don't even know. It's been so long. But I was like, I got to have Ruth on. I just loved your imagery. I love your photography. I just loved you. And I was like, I got to have her. Interview her and then do a blog post about her and yada, yada, yada. So, you know, a year later I just said, man, I'm really bad at blogging. I need to figure out something else to do. And here's the podcast. And finally, now I get to have you on the show and I'm so glad you're here. Please tell everybody who you are, what you do, and where you're from.

Yes. So happy to be here, Nikita. And oh my God, I had no idea. And that literally just made my day. Just so you know. So I am a destination wedding photographer. I am, I am based in Tampa, Florida. Um, so essentially I just empower couples to create their legacy of love by preserving those very special memories and evoking emotion through photography. That's a little bit of what I do.

And she is so good at it, you guys. Like, I'm not even kidding, like, she is so, so good at it. Like just go to website, show notes, go, go to website, go to show notes. Okay, so I first have to say that Ruth has not only been a part of my journey and just kind of been in my world since the onset of Craft It to Thrive and the blog post and all those things, but now she is a member of my, my tribe. She is a one-on-one client with me, and it's just like full circle. I feel like this year kind of has happened, and I'm just honored and privileged that you said yes for being on the show. And I guess the first place I want to start with is why are you here? Like, what brought you to being a photographer? What brought you to this path in life? Absolutely.

Um, I would say, like, when I really think about it, right, because there's many things you could say— there's the flexibility, having your own schedule, being your own boss. All of that stuff, which are very important, right? But what it really comes down to is just wanting to reach my potential, basically. I'm a firm believer in that each one of us has a unique set of talents and gifts that God has given us, and we have to make justice to it. I think about, oh my God, this— famous composers, Picasso, you know, Einstein. I think about all those people and I think about how each of us has something, right? Like if they had not put in the work and they wouldn't have gotten to where they are. And that's how I feel. That's how I felt for me. And I felt like I just owed it to, to God and to the world and to myself.

I love that. So you always felt the creativity, like that was your thing, like your thing that you were given?

Yes, I was always so curious about art. I've always loved art and photography especially, so it was kind of like, you know what, why not do this thing that I love so much? And it was just kind of going for it.

So why weddings?

Yeah, so when I started— great question— when I started photography, I used to photograph everything under the sun, even objects. Even what? Even objects.

Like anything, anything, literally anything.

And after I started photographing couples, like, that was just it for me. There's just so much meaning behind it. It's one of a lifetime You know, it's a time where at least us girls, like, we dream about this moment, right? Like, some of us plan it since we are like children, right? So to be able to tell this story, because that's literally what I'm doing, I'm telling the story of two people, and I'm also helping them create their legacy. Their children are going to see this, their family. Like, this is going to impact their lives. And other lives. Um, so that's why, um, I've chosen to, to just stick to weddings. It's truly what lights me up and what I love.

You can tell, like, I can tell because even like, I mean, obviously I'm, I might be a little biased because, you know, we're friends and we've known each other for years now, but honestly, that was the thing that connected to me. It was seeing your creativity through how you captured a couple, like the lighting and the even like the way you would shoot in a way that I wouldn't necessarily think in my head would probably be the most, you know, technically correct way of doing it. It comes off so authentically like Ruth took this picture, like versus like, you know, it's so— it's, it's just really— you're just really good. So, and you love it. You can tell when you talk about it and when you're doing it, you love it. And I think that's so helpful. You know, when you were talking about, you know, creativity, did you like have a camera when you were a kid or did this like, was this something you discovered in school or like, how did you know though that photography was the thing?

Yeah, so you know what's so funny that I literally just realized this probably like a year ago going through old photos. My dad, he used to be into photography. And he used to do videography too. And I never put the two of them together until I saw a picture of him with a video camera. I know, I was like, oh my goodness. Like, I never realized that he must have influenced me somehow. And oh my God, it just means so much to me now thinking back to that and realizing it. I almost want to get him back into it.

Has he not? I guess he had— he doesn't really do it right now.

Yeah, he's, he's older now. Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, I think it's beautiful. I think it's really cool when we are able to look back in our future, like back in our past and be like, you know what, I don't know why I chose that, but now I do. And wow, how much of a difference that made. Absolutely.

So inspiring. It's like, it's, I don't know, it makes it all the more special.

Yeah, yeah, I do, I do think when you connect to something that you're really good at, you enjoy it, and then you connect to the reason why you're really good at it and why you enjoy it, it makes it even that much more powerful. Um, a good friend of mine recently, who is my coach, recently told me something that my grandmother told her about me when I was a kid. And she said, like, I would never have known this, which is so— it's Crazy enough that my coach is telling— my coach is like a friend that I lost contact with who's— anyway, it's a whole story. That's like a whole nother solo cast. But anyway, she knew my grandmother and my grandmother and her were really close. And so recently she was telling me, you know, you're doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing. And I was like, I mean, I guess I kind of feel like I fell into coaching. She's like, you know what? Your grandmother always said that this would be something that you would do. And I was like, are you kidding me? And I love, love, love my grandmother. So when she said that, that just was like another, like, oh yeah, this is what I'm supposed to do.

Okay.

I love that.

Oh my God.

Yeah. So I love that. That's something too, that you've connected with, like looking back in your past that way. I think that's really important. Sometimes we gotta look, look back in order to really step into our right now. What, you know, our gifts that we have right now. So I love that. Um, what hurdles have you like encountered through this journey of what we call life and running it as an entrepreneur and a creative entrepreneur at that?

Yeah. Whew.

Where do I start? Um, I feel like the biggest one has just been, um, like mindset, you know, which is, is one of the reasons why I'm working with you now on coaching. Um, and also, um, in the past I, I used to struggle with anxiety and there's still a little bit of it. I've learned to manage it. Um, but I remember 2019, for example, was a horrible year for me anxiety-wise. Um, I used to have panic attacks and everything. Um, And just the way I am as a person, I'm kind of a person who worries a lot. It's just kind of how I am. So always kind of like living in the future and not allowing myself to be present. And that even translates into like not enjoying the wins in life currently. I'm always kind of like thinking ahead. OK, I did this. Now what's next? So that's kind of been, I would say, the biggest one, which is, is not physical, you know, but mental issues like are still a huge, you know, a big deal. And they can even translate in a physical way too.

Yes, they can.

Yeah. So just learning how to manage that, you know, through prayer, meditation, just like being mindful, being present, has helped me so much, both personally and in my business, but it's still a work in progress. It's still that something that shows up every once in a while. I know you know a little bit about that, but we're working through it.

Yes. You know, I love that you are so honestly shared that because sometimes we think of anxiety not as a chronic issue. We think of it like it's like, oh, it's just— but I truly believe it does. And I honestly think anxiety does create even bigger health issues for most people, right? And so really identifying and getting comfortable with being, yeah, that's what I deal with. That's my lot in life. That's what I struggle with. This is what I'm trying to overcome. And just being okay with recognizing that that is okay, that maybe anxiety is a thing. And I think there's so many women that I talk to or find on social media who are like, they don't want to admit that anxiety is potentially the thing that is stopping them from getting to where they want to go. So much so that they're trying to ignore it, and they're still staying in the same place because they haven't accepted, look, this is part of my life. How can I work with it? How can I learn to manage it? How can I learn to do all of those things? And what you just said is powerful. By recognizing it and being like, you know what, what can I do? Looking for resources and tools to do that, it means that it's not going to be the thing that stops you.

Oh my God, I love, I love the point you made about like realizing that and acknowledging that, because I feel like there also has to be a balance, right? Like for me, back in 2019, which was my worst year for anxiety, something that made it all the so worse, so bad, was that I used to see anxiety as my identity. I started seeing it as my identity. Oh, I'm just an anxious person. Like, you almost start using it as an excuse, you know, for the way you behave or to get out of things. And that's a scary place to be at. So I feel like, yes, you have to be aware of it. Yes, you have to recognize it and work on it. But there needs to be a balance of, hey, this does not define me. This is why when I started talking about it, I said, in the past I used to struggle with— like, I still do, I'm not perfect, but it's no longer my identity.

Oh, I just got goosebumps, girl. Like, yes, yes. Like, I have, I have said that about, um, living with multiple chronic illnesses. It is a part of my life. It's probably the thing that has shaped a lot of my decisions, but it's not my identity in the sense of like, you know, this is who I am. I'm a chronic person with sick problems and look at me and see all my sickness. But it is a thing that helps me learn how to persevere. It's a thing that's helped me to be creative. It's the thing that's helped me to overcome my mindset and all those different things. The same thing for you. And the thing that you just said, which was that finding— basically finding that balance between acknowledging it and then working through it, right? Like, and I have done— I mean, back in the day, like back in 2017, I had that same thing where I kind of like succumbed to like, well, my life as a chronic person is just what it is. It sucks. It's horrible. I can't do anything. I— it's all horrible. Everything's gonna hurt all the time. Why do I even try? All of those different things. So much so it almost felt like everything else was impossible. And so then life kind of felt impossible. And so I feel you on that. Like just finding like, okay, for me it was a person who reached out to me to remind me that that's not true. And you know, my question to you would be is like, where, where did you find the moment to be like, you know what, that's not who I am, this is who I am going to choose to be?

Oh wow. Um, it was honestly, I'm, you know this Nikita Williams, I'm a very spiritual person. I'm a Christian. My parents, um, I don't know if you know this actually, my parents are pastors. Um, so I grew up in the church and for me it was all about, all about God, all about realizing that my identity is a child of God. That's literally my identity, nothing else. I have a Father who cares for me, and he wants me to be good. So it does not lie in anxiety. And just going deeper into the word, into prayer, and meditation has also been a thing that has helped me. So that was kind of like— it's a whole story. It was like a whole process of realizing that. But it all comes down to God. That's—

yeah, yeah, I feel you on that because my friend who reached out to me was literally the answer to the prayer. Like, it was the exact— and she said this, it was almost like, dude, were you in my room? Like, what the— like, you know, and you know when you have those answers to prayers, you can't help— you know, it's, you know, God answering. Nobody else knows what that's— nobody else knows that. So, uh, I, I really appreciate you sharing that, uh, with, with us. So Yeah, I love that you are always saying that, yeah, it's something I deal with, but I'm working on it. Like, it's like a present act of constantly working on this thing. And I feel like all of us, we're all works in progress. Um, like we were saying at the very beginning of this, we all have gifts, right? Um, but they take work. They take work.

I—

girl, we can go a whole nother lane over there on that conversation, but we're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna go on. So what has been your biggest fear with your business? Like, what is one of the biggest fears that you've had to overcome when it's like, I'm gonna be a photographer?

Um, feeling like I'm not enough, also known as the famous imposter syndrome. Um, You're a photographer too, Nikita. You used to do photography, so I know you know this, but the photography industry, especially with weddings, is very competitive. There are so many photographers. Every day there's more, right?

Yeah, for real.

Yeah, so it's so easy to compare yourself and to For me, I actually started as a self-taught photographer. That's how I started. Eventually, I invested into education, which I still do because I think education and investing in your business is— you have to. But especially in the beginning, imposter syndrome was always present, and it still is because you can get through it at a certain season in your life, but then you have like new challenges, right? Like the game just leveled up. And they are still— it's still there. But what I've come to, the way that I get through it is just realizing that you still have to show up. And imposter syndrome is just that. It's an imposter. So just do the work. Just show up. Even if you don't feel— even if you're filled with fear, just go for it. To just, like I say, you owe it to yourself to put out that gift.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Fear that imposter syndrome. Yes. And I love that you said it comes in different seasons of your life. I mean, I've had so many different women on the show and every single one of them have shared with me moments where they've had imposter syndrome. Like, I mean, you know who I've had on the show? I've had Jasmine. Star. I've had Julie Paisley. These women are at the peak in the photography world, right? These are the women that when you go to conference, you're like, oh, like, you're like, can I please touch you? I mean, I'm sorry, can I please come to you, right? And these women have been on the show and have said the same thing where they've had to, you know, recognize, you know, that they are enough and their gift is enough and that Fear doesn't do anything except stop you from getting to your next great step, your next great accomplishment. And, you know, it's a thing. It's not, not going to go away. Um, there was something that I was watching recently. Oh my gosh. So I've been on Netflix and I've been watching, um, Star Trek. Girl, who would have thought Nikita Williams was going to be a Star Trek-y? Like what in the world? But anyway, this is when like, uh, The, the captain was this woman, Catherine, um, Jane— what is her name? I can't think of her name.

Jane—

Catherine. Her name is— first name is Catherine. And she's— there was an episode of this— they're the weirdest episodes ever. Like, I don't like half of them. I'm like, what is happening? But there was one that was about fear, and it was this alien race was trying to save themselves from extinction. Y'all are like, Nikita, where are you going? I'm getting there, I promise. And they put themselves in these, like, these body stasis things so that they can sleep through the bad radiation. And they can wake up one day and be like, okay, the Earth or this planet is ready to go in heaven. But in the brain part of their thing that they made, fear took over, literally took over. So fear of like, oh, what if we do wake up and the planet is not better? All of these different things and all of these regrets. So fear became this thing that literally controlled them to, like, to death sometimes. And so at the end, Katherine the captain had to go in, like, you know, whatever. And she's like, you know, one of the things as a captain of a ship for all these people is that they— she had to learn how to conquer fear. And she's like, the one thing I know about fear is that The more you conquer fear, the easier it disappears.

And I was like, oh, that's so good.

It was so deep. And it was like, it's like one of those episodes, like, you're like, you have to watch it to really get the impetus of it. But it was so good. But like what you just said, you've gotta like, you gotta step over, you gotta do it, you gotta do it.

Watch that show, Nikita Williams.

I have to put it in the show notes what episode it is and what genre, because there's like 30,000 different volumes of Star Trek. Like, it's crazy. But yeah, fear is a, it's a, it's a beast, but it can be conquered.

Mm-hmm.

Oh yes. Yeah. Okay. So tell me a little bit about what inspires you. What are women or who are women that inspire you today?

Yes, so in general, what inspires me is kind of— it goes back to like my why that I shared earlier. It's just seeing people doing their thing and killing it. Like in general, that's what inspired me. And again, I think about all those amazing famous people that we know, but more close to my heart, my mom is Of course, mom is always going to be there. She's literally an angel. My mom, she's just the best example I've had, and she's shaped me into the woman that I am. She's taught me so many qualities, like morals, you know, honesty. I just literally wouldn't be here without her. And just the way she is, you know, she was a housewife. She never had like a a formal job, but just seeing the way that she did all that and she showed up every day. She was a pastor too, along with my dad, also being a housewife. So definitely my mom is like first on that list. And then I definitely have to say my grandma. My— yes, my grandma, which fun fact, I only met one grandma. I didn't meet any other, you know, grandparents, and it was her. She's on my dad's side. But my grandma, she was a pastor too, which is, I guess, how my dad came into that. And she was a pastor back then when people didn't really think that women could hold those positions in church, right? And in general, there was a little bit of more stigma about women, you know, having their own careers and not being a housewife. So she went through a lot, even literally death threats. So, um, I— when I think of her, I just think about a very strong woman, a very wise woman, um, and she's definitely— she's definitely there. Yeah.

Oh, I love that. Yeah, grandmas have like They are awesome. They're awesome, and I'm so glad that you've got to meet at least one of them and know one of them. That's a beautiful— it's a beautiful privilege. I'm, I'm a person who's like, don't treat your grandparents evil, you crazy people. Like, I'm like a big advocate for taking care of your grandparents because none of us would be here without them, literally. Um, so that is That's beautiful. I love to hear that your family is what inspires you. The women in your family is what inspires you. So that's beautiful. So what has been your biggest mindset shift, like as a business owner? Ooh.

Um, I would say, and I know, you know, this from coaching me, but I tend to be a perfectionist.

No, I had no idea, girl, please. I've never heard that before. What a shocker.

Yes, I tend to hold myself to these very high standards, which is not a bad thing necessarily, but there has to be a healthy balance there. And something about perfectionism, which you always say, and you kind of made me realize that, is that it's basically procrastination. Because a thought that you normally have, and I've definitely been there, is if it isn't perfect, quit, right? Like you just give up, you just stop doing it. So that has been one of the biggest mindset, like things that I have learned that you have actually really helped me get there, actually. So I thank you for that. I'm just giving myself grace knowing that what is perfect anyway? And done is way better than perfect.

So yeah, I love hearing you say that. And I did not know that that was what— I promise you guys, I do not like script this. I'm like, I don't, I have no idea what they're going to ask, answer to these questions. Half the time I'm like, oh really? Uh, that's amazing. I am so glad to hear that. I think that's a big thing for most creative entrepreneurs, which is so funny because You know, the very idea of creativity is subjective. There is no real right or wrong to creativity, but yet creatives are the most perfectionist-driven people. It is so interesting. It is one of those like psychology things that I probably should do a case study project on or something, because it's interesting. But it's, it's always going to be subjective. You can— I mean, there are people who have seen Van Gogh and heard Beethoven and said that was crap. Literal people, right? So like, or you think about in Tampa, who's the guy? He is really quirky. Diwali?

Is it Diwali?

Yeah, Dali. Not everybody's a fan of him.

I love Dali.

I know, I love him too. I love certain aspects of what he does. I'm not a huge fan of him, but I do love it. But there are people who will not be down with that. They'd be like, what is that? That's, that's crazy. Like, so I mean, he was, you know, literally crazy, but I mean, his art in itself was a beautiful thing to see, and he wasn't Perfect. He did it his way. And I think it's, that's the biggest takeaway. Creativity is finding the beauty in the imperfection, I believe.

Oh my God. I love that. That should be in a t-shirt.

You know what? When I have my girls go back and do like record, like pull stuff, they'll probably be like, girl. And I'll be like, really? And I'll be like, okay. I don't have to be nice. It'll be a quotable somewhere for sure. Well, I want to ask you a question about coaching. So what made you decide to invest in coaching? Ooh.

Um, so there are a lot of reasons. Um, I'll start with the, like, more obvious, probably. Um, I was very overwhelmed, um, dealing with a day job and trying to make my dream come true. Um, very overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with everything there is to do, right? We wear so many hats that, especially doing something creative, right, photography. Like, I remember when I started, I just thought I would click a button, take the photo, and that's it, right? No, that's not how it works.

No, there's so many things.

I know, it's crazy. And all of that, especially, you know, having a day job, trying to balance things, um, it just becomes so much. You don't even know where to start, what to do, what's the focus, what are the goals. So when I decided to start coaching with you, it was from that place of, oh my God, I'm lost right now. Like, I know in the future where I want this to go, but I don't know what to do today to make that happen. So that's like the most obvious answer, which you have been So amazing. I'm seriously so thankful for you, so incredibly thankful. And the other reason which is why I chose you is just the way you are, Nikita Williams. Um, like, seriously, you pour into other people's businesses, um, into other people's lives, um, unconditionally. And even from that very first time that you, um, we connected and you interviewed me for the blog post and you feature me when I was just like a tiny little business. Like you saw me. That's why, like, it just had to be you. And I am so thankful and so happy to have you.

Oh, you know what? I'm so excited and thankful that you are in my world. Like, I'm so— I'm like, I literally don't even— I don't know. I cannot— I literally cannot recall how I found you. I just know that you and I have been found together. Like we found each other in some way. And I I have always just really appreciated your light and your positivity. I've just enjoyed your creativity, and you are just a light. You're just really determined to make this work, and I know it's going to because you are so talented and you love it. And that's all that I think we can ask for, right, is to do what we love and do it pretty well.

Yes, oh my gosh, thank you.

You're welcome. All right, girl, so tell us some fun wins that has happened for you in your business. It doesn't have to be like recently, it can be recently, but in general, what are some of like— give me 2 highlights that you are so glad that you said yes to investing in, in your business and into your creativity.

Um, so one of them I would say is kind of getting over, which is another mindset thing, like how to price yourself, how to price your art, right? And getting over the feeling of, oh, I'm not there yet. So that's definitely been one of them, which you absolutely have helped me with, just realizing, you know, my worth and that I don't have to compare myself to anyone else. I'm walking my own walk. Um, and yeah, just, just going for it and knowing that my people, my ideal clients will come and there's someone for everyone. So that has been a really big one and I've been seeing it pay off and, um, it just makes me so, so happy.

Yay. I love that. You know what? It's one of those things, honestly, Ruth, that all of the girls that I have connected with, you know, it's like such a weird thing because if you had asked me like 5, 3 years ago that some of the biggest takeaways for you ladies who have worked with me is that you feel like you step into your, your worth more, you step into your power, and then you step into the money goals that you have, I would have been laughing at you because I hadn't done that for myself. You know, I had really I was going through all that myself of like, how do I step into this? How do I, you know, and until I worked with a Coach and really seeing that piece of me and it's like all started to click. And it's so, it's so powerful to see when you recognize, you know what, I am me and I'm happy with me and other people will be happy with me because they know and they gonna like me. Like that's, that's good.

Oh my God, I love that so much.

So tell us how we can find you. Also, if someone is getting married anytime soon, or if anyone's being, you know, getting engaged, what are some tips and tools that you can offer them? And where can we find you on all of the things?

Oh, great question. Yes, um, so you can find me on Instagram, Facebook at Ruth Terraro Photography. Um, you can also find my website, um, ruthtorrero.com. I actually have, um, a wedding planning guide for people who are— who just got engaged and are ready to get into wedding planning, because that is a huge monster in itself. So, um, you can find that at my website. It is completely free. It has, um, so much good information about how to even get started with planning, um, and it's local, so wedding venues to go to, locations for engagement sessions, just a lot of goodness in there. Um, so definitely check that out. Um, check me out on social media. I would love to connect with you.

Um, yeah, awesome. Well, I think if you live in the Florida or Tampa Bay area, that will be a huge, huge help because there are so many cool places in Tampa and St. Pete alone just to have a wedding. I can't imagine trying to get through all the lists and all of those things because there's a lot of places. So having a little guide to help you figure it all out would be amazing. So thank you, Miss Beautiful Ruth, for being on the show and sharing a part of your story and part of you with us. Um, it's just been Amazing.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. This, this was amazing. And you know, you're amazing. So glad to have you.

All right, y'all, that's a wrap. Thank you for listening, and I hope this conversation inspired you. Be sure to visit craftedtothrive.com to check out our show notes, connect with our guests, and grab some of those goodies. Join us for the next episode, and in the meantime, remember, yes, yes, yes, you are crafted to thrive.