11 Mantra's Every Woman Should Live By ~ Pamela Jean A New Life Coaching

Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tuesday's Talks. I'm so excited about today's topic. It's really about how women speak to themselves, see themselves. I wrote this article about a year ago and it's called 11 mantras every woman Should Be Living By. And today I want to talk about each of those items. Sorry to exclude our gentleman today and our guys, but I really want to speak to women today. A lot of these things that I wrote about are very close, near and dear to my heart. They're written out of love and experience in my own life. I hope to share some things with you that can enlighten you, encourage you, and help you grow into the person that you are meant to be doing the things that you are meant to be doing. And that's a hard journey. Especially as women. We, we wear a lot of hats. We're wives, we're mothers, we're entrepreneurs, we're business owners, we're. There's so many things that we are to so many people that a lot of times we forget to take care of ourselves. We forget to think about ourselves and to understand that being well balanced is such a healthy thing and it's such a great example for you as mothers to teach your children, to teach your daughters and your sons about being a well balanced individual. So I' going to start right now with number one. It's called practicing self love. I don't know of very many women that truly are happy with themselves, happy with how they look, the shape of their body. There's so many things about ourselves that women typically don't like about themselves. But here's the deal. Happiness is an inside job. No one can make you happy. There's nothing that can be purchased in the world. There's not another person in the world that can make you happy. Happiness is an inside job, and that starts with loving who you are. You know, you were created very specifically in an absolute, perfect, perfect way. And to learn to embrace who you are exactly as you are, the way God intended you to be, is really, really a beautiful thing. So I encourage you to love who you are. You are a perfect person. You're exactly the way you were meant to be. And if you love and accept yourself in that way, the happiness and joy that you will exude to other people will come back to you tenfold. So, so just always remember, happiness is an inside job. You have to be happy and love yourself before someone else truly, truly can love you in the same way that you need to be loved. The Second thing is stop caring about the negative opinions of other people in your life. It's very, very true that you've heard that old saying, birds of a feather flock together. Well, the negative people. If you're a negative person, you are going to attract other negative people. So first of all, clean out your closet of influences. Because if you are hanging around negative people or people that intentionally bring you down, you are going to become that person. And why is it that the most negative person on the planet has the loudest voice in your head? The people that love you and encourage you, that are your champions, you don't listen to them. But the person that is that one negative force that's trying to bring you down, that is saying things that always hurt your feelings. And you think, why do I put up with that? Why do I listen to that every day sometimes? That could be a co worker, it could be even someone that you consider a friend. It could be a spouse, a sibling, a family member. It happens all the time. But you have to silence that negative person in your life and realize that if something negative is coming at you from another individual, chances are that negative comment and that negativity has absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with the person that's saying or delivering those messages to you. Negativity is almost always a direct reflection of how someone truly feels about themselves. So if you've ever, I'm sure you've seen my hashtag. It's called I say be kind or be quiet. And I really sincerely mean that. Not in an ugly, bossy way or anything, but I mean that in a way of if you don't have something good to say about someone or something, then don't say anything at all. If you've ever been around that person that is always talking about someone else in a negative light, that truly means that that individual is very uncomfortable with themselves. They're not very confident in their own life. And in order for them to have value and to feel about themselves, they have to bring down other people. I see my little dog joined us in the background. So hopefully she doesn't bark during our, during our talk today, but there's no promises there. So anyway, those negative voices, those negative people in your life, eliminate them as best you can. Sometimes it's family, it's relation. You can't do that. But one thing that you can do is you can, you can take away the power that those voices have in your head, the power that they have in your mind and your heart, and walk away from them. And turn the other cheek and just don't let them get to you. The third thing is connect with girlfriends and nurture those friendships. My goodness, I cannot stress this enough. This is so important that you have girlfriends. You have friends outside of your family. You look forward to nurturing and seeing those girls. I would encourage you to schedule at least two times a month that you get together with either a group of girlfriends or one girlfriend. Go have coffee, go grab dinner, go to a movie. It's so healthy for you to have friendships outside of being a wife and a mother and a caregiver. You have to take care of yourself before you can truly, truly take care of other people. The fourth thing I want to talk about, stop feeling guilty. Wow, this is a tough one. And one I definitely, definitely struggled with for a long time, is feeling guilty. Anytime I would do something for myself, even if it was just going out to grab dinner with a girlfriend or started going to a workout class or anything that took me away from my family or my personal responsibilities or took me away from my work, I had this, this feeling of guilt over me that I should not take care of myself, I should not do those things for myself. But reality is you have to take care of yourself and don't feel guilty for the things that you've done in your life or the things that have happened. You know, that leads me to another thought of guilt is, you know, we're not perfect. None of us are perfect. You're going to miss that sign up for your kids, you know, cheerleading camp or missed signups for football or baseball or whatever. You know, the mommy guilt is a real thing. If you, if you drop the ball on things, it's okay. You're human, you're going to be okay. It's important for your children to see your resilience. For them to see you come out of that and say, you know what, mom made a mistake and I'm sorry, but we're going to move past it and we're going to make it all the better. Guilt from being a working mom. How many times do you feel guilty being a working mother? I have worked my entire life. I started working at a very young age. I've never been a stay home mom and I've had a lot of guilt for that feeling. Like I didn't spend enough time with my children that I wasn't there enough for them. You know, one thing I will say is by being self employed all of these years, having that schedule that I could create allowed me to be at pretty much all of my kids activities and their special events and their extracurricular and that was really important to me, but I'm not gonna, I would be lying if I said I didn't have that mommy guilt from time to time about not being home with my kids or not being that stay home mother. When you are home with your children, when you do have that time off, whether it be on the weekends or at night, make sure you're unplugging, that you're giving your children your undivided attention. That cell phone, that laptop gets tucked away, gets put away. And the time that you do have with your family is a hundred and ten percent you have shown up for them. It's really, really important to eliminate feeling guilty about parts of your life. The next thing is dreams. Do you have any dreams? I want to encourage you to dream again. I think many of us find ourselves in that situation of your working mother. You're a stay home mother and you're doing everything for everyone else. But you forget to have dreams. You forget that you have goals, you have aspirations. And don't forget to dream. The person that you were before you had children still lives inside of you. Find her again. Find what makes her happy. Find those dreams that she's always had. Maybe you have a dream of writing a book. Maybe you have a dream of starting a blog or simply an outreach for after school for children that perhaps go home to empty homes. You know their family is working and where can you plug in? Where can your talents and gifts be there for other people? So don't forget your dreams. Write them down. Think about them, pray about them. There's something in you that you are meant to be and do to make a huge impact on this world and in your communities and in your towns where you live. Just dig up your dreams again and put them to the forefront of your mind. And it doesn't mean you're being selfish, it doesn't mean you're putting yourself in front of your family. But it means you're working on becoming the best version of you that you were intended to be. Now the sixth thing that I want to talk about is sometimes difficult for a lot of people and it is the fact of enjoy being alone. There's something to be said about being comfortable being alone. We all know those people, whether you grew up with them in high school or their adult friends that you have now that are so uncomfortable being by themselves. They have to be surrounded with an entourage of people. They're not comfortable walking into a restaurant and having dinner. Alone or going to a movie by themselves or going into church by themselves. They simply cannot be alone. They're not comfortable being alone. If you can get past the need of being fed by other people or having other people around you as a security blanket, you are going to see the most confident person that lives inside of you right now will emerge. Dare yourself to be comfortable doing things by yourself. When you do that, you are creating a confidence level about yourself that is just truly second to none. It will build and push and encourage yourself to truly, truly be comfortable with who you are. And that goes right back to that first point we talked about is understanding and loving yourself comes with confidence. Confidence and self love go hand in hand. So this is definitely a part of this little journey I have you on today that will help you twofold, tenfold. If you can learn to be comfortable with being alone, the next thing, this is a tough one. Number seven is learning to forgive. We've all had things happen to us in our life. We've all had things that we've looked back at and we have said, why did that have to happen? Why did that happen to me? I'm a good person and how could bad things like this happen to me? Maybe you had a business that failed, Maybe you had a relationship that failed. Maybe you had your home flooded or it burnt to the ground. You know, we've all had those moments in our life that we say, why me? Why me? Well, ask yourself this question the next time you want to go there is, why not you? Who else would you, who else would you recommend to have something bad happen to you? You need to look at those situations truly as a gift. Those bad things that happen are a gift that lead you to the next big thing that is going to happen in your life. Embrace the bad things that have happened and find a place in your life that you can forgive those that have done something to you. We've all been wronged in our life. We've all had situations where we feel like this person owes me an apology or that person should never have done that to me. And you know what? You may be right. You may be very valid in how you feel about that. But holding a grudge, staying angry for a long time serves no one. It does not serve you. It doesn't serve your future, it doesn't serve your goals, it doesn't help your family. There is nothing, nothing good comes out of holding a grudge. And keep in mind, I want you to know that forgiveness is not about the other person. Forgiveness is not about the person that hurt you or wronged you or made you feel a certain way, it's not about that person. Forgiveness is releasing yourself. Forgiveness is allowing yourself to be free from that painful moment that's holding you back in your life. It's kind of like if someone has you under their thumb and is controlling you grudges and anger and anxiety, those things are going to control you. If you forgive someone doesn't mean you have to forget what happened, but allows you the opportunity to move forward. So I encourage you to look in your life, think about those painful points, think about those situations and perhaps people in your life that have hurt you. Consider forgiving them. Forgiving them from the inside out is going to free you into a new level in your life. Which leads me to the next tough topic. And this is talking about being codependent. No more. Codependency is something that I think more people than you realize deal with. Being a codependent. Codependent is when you are trying to control another person or control a situation to a point of the reverse effect. You end up being controlled by a situation and it's not possible to control every aspect of your life. I will raise my hand and say I'm guilty of that. I like to be in control of all situations. I like to know the outcome before it happens. What I have learned in my life is that you can't make things happen perfectly in your life. You can't make another person do something that would make life better for you and for them. You can't love your children enough to make good decisions in their life. You can set examples. You can be the best version of yourself that you can be, but you can't control other people. You can't control situations, and you have to let it go. You have to let the chips fall where they may. Sometimes in life, as difficult as that is, that's probably one of the hardest things to learn, is that you don't get to control everything. That's not why you're here. You're here to be a good example, to be a hard worker and to do everything you can for other people to want to follow your lead, to want to walk in your footsteps. So work really, really hard on controlling the things that you can control and letting the things go that are out of your control. You can't love another person to do the right thing or make the right decision, but you can worry about you and you can do you. So work really hard at letting go of trying to control every single situation. The next thing that I want you to do or consider doing is journal your journey. I started journaling a really, really long time ago, probably 10 years ago or so. And I write things down every single day about what I think, what I feel, the good, bad, and the ugly gets written down in a journal. And I have several volumes over the years that I look back on. And this is the beautiful thing, is you can look back on what you journaled a year ago and truly, truly see how far you've come by doing that. It helps you stay focused on where you want to be, and it helps you leave behind what you don't want to come with you. So journal every single day about where you're at in your life, where you don't want to be, where you do want to be. Write down your goals and your dreams and your prayers and your thoughts, because when you look back on that a year from now, you will inevitably say, wow, what a difference a year makes. Think about where your life was at a year ago, just one year ago from today, where were you at in your life and all of the things that have happened, big and small, to create your life to where it is today. I promise you, if you journal your journey, you will truly embrace where you were and now where you are. It's such a great motivator every single day to journal where you're at in your journey. The tenth thing is this. I challenge you to do more things that you love. If you have your whole life been thinking, I want to learn how to be a gourmet chef. Take a class, sign up for a class. I have been waiting my whole life to start a workout regiment because I want to be the healthiest, strongest version of myself. Well, then sign up for a kickboxing class. Take karate. Learn how to do taekwondo. I've never learned how to play the piano. I want to learn how to play the piano. It's never too late. You're never too old. There's always time to learn something new and do something you love to do. Maybe you simply want to take a walk in the park once a week or go sit by the lake and read a book. Do more things that you love to do. This, I promise you, will help create a more balanced, centered life if you allow yourself some time to do something for you, just to do a little something for yourself, and then you're going to learn along with that process. No guilt because of it. Don't feel guilty for doing something for yourself. What you're doing is teaching your children and teaching your friends and being an example of a well balanced person. We all need time to ourselves. We all need time to connect with girlfriends and guy friends. It's healthy, it's normal. Don't feel guilty mothers. If you feel like, wow, I need a break for my kids, I'm going crazy because of my children. It happens and there's nothing to feel guilty about that you are human, you are a person. Do some things that you love to do that you've always wanted to do. Write a list in Your journal of 10 things you want to do for yourself in the next year. It could be going and taking a painting class. Whatever it is, do something for yourself. Do more things that you love to do. And the very last thing, number 11, and this is a journey in itself, is learning to find your inner peace. Inner peace comes from being comfortable in your own skin. It comes from being who you are and loving who you are from the inside out. You are made to be a unique individual. You're not made to be someone else. Stop trying to be like someone else and be the person that you were created to be. Be that friend you've always wanted to be. Be the same spouse, be the mother, be the entrepreneur, be the business owner, be the employee. Be the best at what you can be and search for that inner peace. Take time to meditate to if you're a yoga person, go do yoga. If your inner peace comes from working out and taking care of your body, great. Then get your workout routine going, get your wellness plan going. It's has very little to do with what your weight is. I hear a lot of people talk about, well if I just weighed this amount I would feel better about myself. That has nothing to do with it. Loving who you are on the inside is going to allow you to love who you are on the outside. Thank you so much for joining me today for Tuesday talks. I want you to start using that hashtag be kinderbequiet. It's a great few little words to live by. Embrace the 11 mantras that I read to you today. If you'd like a copy of these, feel free to email me@pamelajean. A new lifemail.com and I would be happy to email you a really pretty, pretty copy of these mantras. Something you could print out and frame and have an having it hung on your wall or sitting on your desk. But thank you again so much for joining me. I hope you have an incredible day. You'll have the day that you create. So thank you again and we'll talk to you next week.