Exploring Victimization: Facts, Feelings, and Philosophy

Welcome to A New Life podcast with Pamela Jean, where it's all about empowering women to empower more women. Get ready friends, to create a new life. And here is your host, Pamela Jean.

Hello my friends and welcome to this week's episode of A New Life podcast. I am Pamela Jean, your host and thank you so much for being here. Our topic today is going to be more focused on mindset with the topic of victimization. That's a tough, that's a deep topic, you guys. That's such a deep topic. I think every single one of us know of someone, whether it's a family member or a friend that has, has chosen to stay in the victim mindset. If we're honest with ourselves. There, there's always been, there's times in your life where you have been a victim of something. Something's happened to you that are out of your control, that you have no choice, you had no decision over whatsoever. It's something that happened to, to you. And then we have a decision to make. We have a choice to make as to whether or not we are going to be a victim of the thing that happened to us. So this is a deep topic and through this conversation today, I hope that I share some pathways of growth for you. Healing and understanding. We all have had things happen to us, but victims and victimhood are something that touches every single person that walks the earth. Today I want to talk about some facts about victimization and explore the feelings that come with being a victim and contemplate some of the philosophy and the ideas behind it. So let's start with some facts. Victimization comes in many, many forms from physical violence. Like if you're, you know, walking to your car after leaving the mall or a store and someone grabs your purse and runs off or, and, or beats you up and steals from you, that's, that's physical violence and victimization. Or if you're in an abusive relationship with someone and your boyfriend or husband is physically abusing you, that's phys violence. There's emotional manipulation as well. If you've ever been in a narcissistic relationship, whether it be with a spouse or a boyfriend or even someone at work or a family member or, you know, anybody really emotional manipulation is a thing as well. Gaslighting. There's a lot of emotional manipulation that causes us to set back on our heels with insecurities and self doubt and lack of confidence. That's emotional abuse, financial abuse, financial exploitation. Think about so many people are taken advantage of financially, giving to causes that don't actually go to the cause or you've heard the stories of women that have fallen for someone halfway around the world and they send them all of this money and financially they're broke because they've given all their money away. And they're also emotionally victimized because they fell for this other person. Societal discrimination. There's many different ways that people are victimized. It's vast and it's varied. There's. There's no, you know, one size fits all with being a victim. Victims experience trauma that can impact their mental, emotional and physical well being. And that's happened to all of us. You know, no one goes through life unscathed. No one has a perfect life where they haven't been a victim of something. And recognizing that victimization is not just a one time event, but it can have lasting effects that really ripple through your entire life. And it's crucial that you recognize that for what it is. You know, have you had something happen to you as a child that still to this day impacts you? You know, if, if you were someone who was a victim of ridicule. Ridicule, which could be a societal discrimination where you're reading in front of your class because the teacher called on you and you're in the second grade and you're not very good at reading and the entire class laughs at you. You will never forget how that feels. So here you are now an adult. You're still going to remember how it felt to be the victim of societal ridicule. And that's something that goes with a person your whole life. The thing about being a victim, and this is my belief, and you don't have to agree with me, that's totally fine if you don't. But how I look at victim mentality or victimhood is. It's a choice. Ultimately it's a choice to stay with someone who's abusing you. Now I realize, I realize that it's hard to leave an abuser. I get that. But you are also choosing to stay a victim. You're choosing to have that victim mentality. If someone is emotionally manipulating you, you could stay a victim forever and say, well, I can't accomplish this because emotionally I was, I'm a victim of something. I'm a victim of this, I'm a victim of that. You know, financial exploitation. I am broke because someone stole all of my money. I am a victim of that. Well, okay, you are a victim. But it's also some of your choices that led to you becoming a victim. Not always, but sometimes. Sometimes our choices step us into becoming a victim or someone who has taken advantage of us. Sometimes things do happen to us that's totally out of our control, especially when we're children. You don't make certain choices as a child. And sometimes those things do happen to us. But I will tell you this. If you can look at those hard times that you were a victim of one thing or another, something happened to you. If you're able to flip that on its head and seek out, how did this happen for me? Not to me, how did this happen for me? Every dark experience that you have in your life, whether it happened when you were 5 or when you were 45, every dark experience is an opportunity for you to learn something really, really incredible. You just have to step out from behind, behind the victim curtain and lean into it. That, okay, God, what am I meant to learn from this? Because bad things do happen to really good people. You know, when I was a kid growing up, there was a family who. They were not wealthy people by any means. They struggled to make ends meet. And I think there were, let me think, five or six kids. And their parents lost two children. The oldest died of cancer. The second oldest died of a car accident. Neither of those boys made it to their 17th birthday. I cannot imagine what it would be like to lose two children, two boys, before they turn 17. How do you make yourself not stay a victim in that circumstance? That's a tough one. I'm not going to lie. That's a tough one. But everybody has an opportunity to look at those really hard things and flip it on its head and make something good out of that terrible, terrible experience. I want to explore the feelings associated with victimization. When you feel like a victim, you are going to have a high level of fear, anger, shame, powerlessness. It's very common among victims to feel those things, and those are all legitimate feelings, feelings of fear. It just makes sense if you were the person that was robbed leaving a store. Well, the next time you leave a store, you're going to have some fear based on that, and you will have to work through that. You may become angry over things that happened to you, but friends, you can't let your anger turn to resentment. If you allow, it's okay to feel the anger, to be angry and feel mad. That, of course, absolutely. Feel what you feel and acknowledge it, but just don't let it take control of your life and turn into resentment. Shame. Oh, my gosh. Shame is something that is debilitating. It's truly, truly debilitating. If you allow shame to be the dark cloud over you. Shame is something that is directly related to something you did, not something that someone did to you. So if you're walking with shame or feeling ashamed today, I want you to think about this. Shame because of something I did, or am I feeling shame for what? Something. For something that someone else did to me. Friends, we can't carry somebody else's shame. If someone did something to you that is so incredibly embarrassing and hard and truly, truly hard, don't carry the shame for someone else. That's not yours to carry. It's theirs to carry. So if you're feeling shame or guilt or something like that, you need to eradicate that, because guilt and shame will absolutely keep you handcuffed, and you have to get rid of that. Those emotions, fear, anger, shame, guilt makes us feel so powerless. These emotions can be overwhelming and debilitating. They can lead to isolation, hopelessness, depression, unhappiness, all of those things. It's so important to remember that feelings are not permanent unless we choose for them to be permanent. With support, understanding victims can navigate their emotions and reclaim their sense, their sense of empowerment, their sense of strength. You don't have to stay a victim. You don't have to carry somebody else's shame, and you don't have to feel guilty for something someone else did to you. Keep in mind, when you stay in the victim mindset, it is ultimately your choice to do so. So think about that. Okay, now I want to wrap it up with kind of, I guess it would be the philosophy of victim. How do you understand and respond to victimhood as individuals? Is victimization an inevitable part of life, part of the human experience? Or can we work towards a place where you can minimize or eradicate victimization? You know, these are really challenging questions that take a lot of reflection and just examination of ourselves. But by looking into your beliefs, your attitudes and behaviors, you can cultivate empathy, compassion, and a pathway through victimization. You don't have to stay a victim. You're not always in control of what other people do to you and around you. That is so, so true. You're not in control of those things, but your response to other people is your responsibility. And sometimes you may have to go to a therapist, go to a counselor, go to a therapist, hire a coach to help you walk through that. Being a victim of a violent crime or even just something that is a little bit smaller on the emotional scale, you may need help walking through that. You may need someone to lock arms with you and walk you through through that, don't try to handle it on your own because it's heavy and it's too heavy most times. And if you. The longer you keep it on the inside, the more it's going to impact you. So set yourself free from the victim mentality and remember, you're not in control of what other people do to you, but your response to that is your responsibility. And don't forget to get help. If you need help, get help. Don't hesitate. When I coach clients, I walk them through things that make them feel victimized. Whether it's been, you know, something with a spouse or children or parents or whatever it is, we can walk through those things. And sometimes you do need to get a counselor or a therapist. You know, we all have different roles. Coaching, counseling, therapy. We all have different roles in your life. And depending on your circumstance, one of those options may be permanent. Perfect for you. So as, as I wrap it up today, I just want to encourage you to explore the victimization that you've experienced in your life and in your community. And by shedding a light on this for yourself, you can work towards eradicating the victim mindset in your own life. And when you've done that for yourself, that opens up the capacity for you to help eliminate that for everyone in your community, where everyone feels safe, valued and heard. But it starts with you. Because if you are stuck in the victim mindset, everyone you meet is going to be stuck right there with you because you have there's power in your own emotions and will exude that to other people. So eradicate the victimization in your own life to be able to help everyone you meet feel differently about being a victim, feel safe, valued and heard. My friends, thank you again for joining me on a New Life podcast. I hope that you enjoy this episode. It was a really good one for me to research and talk about and share with you today. Remember, embrace each day as an opportunity. Every day is an opportunity. Every day is a gift. Because you know what? You woke up today. You are on God's Wake up list today. And if you're so fortunate to be on the Wake up list, that means God is not done with you. There is a lot more he needs to do in and through you. Make it a great day, friends, and we'll talk soon.

Thank you for joining us today on A New Life podcast. We will see you next time.

Sam.