MOM GUILT_Pamela Jean A New Life Coaching

Hello everyone. Thank you so much for joining me today. Today's talk, I'm going to share some thoughts and ideas about dealing with mom guilt. Every single working mom, at least most that I know, deals with some sort of mom guilt in one way or another. And this topic is a little bit fresh for me today simply because it's back to school, getting our kids ready to head back to college, head to high school. Perhaps you have a child who' is going to kindergarten for the first time. And you know, when you're a working mom, it sometimes feels like other people are raising your child more than you are because you're working all the time. And how do you get, how do you combat the whole thing about mom guilt? We all have it. It's hard being a working mom. It's equally hard being a stay home mom. I've never done it, but I have seen some people do it. And honestly, I don't know how they do it. I sometimes feel honestly that I'm a better mother because I was a working mother as I raised my kids throughout the years. And here's another thing that we're going to talk about today after we talk a little bit about mom guilt is are you using your kids as an excuse to not follow your dreams, passions and goals? So we're gonna let you process that for just a couple of minutes and I want to talk about mom guilt. I think one of the biggest things for me is feeling like I was not present sometimes. You know, you're busy working, you're working, you know, 10 to 12 hour days and then you have that time with your kids at night and you might be tired, you might be exhausted, they might be just have they had a bad day at school, you had a bad day at work. And how do you come together and work through those? That happens by complete and absolute intention. You know, when you get home from a long, hard, busy day, before you even walk in the house, you've got to get your mindset ready to show up and be there for your kids and be there for your family. You know, they haven't seen you all day, they're super excited. They might be a little bit wound up simply because of that, but put your game face on and walk in that door and be ready. And to be present, that means turn off your phone, keep your phone in your purse, on your nightstand somewhere that it's not around the kids so you're not tempted to get sucked into social media or taking a text or a phone call. That's not as Important as spending time with your kids is, and that's easy to have happen. And the same thing really applies to what you're watching on TV at night. Have you ever considered not having the television on at all and having, you know, one kid, one of your kiddos, pick out a game, we're gonna play tonight, or we're going to just have a conversation, or we're gonna all go outside and go play in the backyard, whatever that might look like. For you to be intentional about giving your family and your children that undivided time, I think is gonna help you out in the mom guilt area. That's going to help because being present when you are able to be with your kids is so important. So at least your kids feel like, you know, I am important. Mom's not watching television. She's not on her phone. She's giving me her undivided attention. You're making time to read the books, to look through the homework, to say, hey, tell me about your day. What did you do today? Around the dinner table? Ask your kids to go around the table and say, I want you to tell me one thing today that made you laugh, one thing that was funny. And kids always say, you know, what did you do today? Nothing. Well, you know, they did something, and you might have to coerce just a little bit to get them to bring it out. But just stop and think about that. Tell me one thing that was funny today. I hope that every single day, your children, and even you, for that matter, have something to laugh about every single day. So give a little bit of time and give some guidance and direction on creating that good social time with your kids and your family. And think about it this way. You know, when your kids go to school, when they head off to school, you have, you know, really 18, 18 summers that you're going to be able to have with your kids in the big scope of life. That's not very many summers that you get to be with your kids and plan fun events and do fun things. So that time in your life is such a little dot on the radar. Make the best of every single moment. And if you're able to do a really good, solid job of planning, for instance, if your kids are in elementary school, you as a parent have an opportunity to be the homeroom mom. Get a hold of that school schedule well before school starts. It's online. Most school systems have it online months and months in advance. And get those things on your calendar. Speak to your employer and ask them, can I have this day off or Can I come in early or stay late or something so you can break away and be that homeroom mom and plan the parties and be there for your kids with proper planning. Most of these things are doable and they are possible. Just be a good communicator, be willing to maybe come in early and stay late so you have the opportunity to do things like plan the parties at the elementary school. And to be honest with you, I was able to do that by being self employed and an entrepreneur. I was able to do that. I got to be the homeroom mom for each of my kids and I absolutely loved it. It was so much fun having that additional time. Now I'm not gonna lie, it was not always easy because I was juggling work and kids and family and household, all of those things. It was not easy, but I have no regrets in how I planned and worked that out. Getting good systems, getting good support people in your life, honestly, you can make all of those things happen if you just put some effort forth in and as I said, be intentional about it. So the next little topic that we're going to talk about is are you allowing or are you using the excuse of your children to not follow your dreams, to not start that business, to not go back and get your college degree, Whatever it is that you're putting on hold, that you're making excuses for, are you using your kids as the excuse? Think about that for just a little bit because I think it's really important. What would be so bad if your child, if your children watched their mother build a successful business, would it inconvenience them from time to time? Yep, you bet it sure will. Will they have to pull their weight more at home and around the house? Absolutely. But you know what that is ultimately going to do for your kids is teach them responsibility, accountability. And it's also going to show them, you are going to show them how to work hard. You're going to show your children how to make their dreams come true. You're going to teach them what it's like to be an entrepreneur. You're going to teach them what it's like to be someone, to go back and fight hard and work hard to get that degree in education. There are so many things that you are going to teach your children by following your passion, by following their dream. And you know what? It is going to inconvenience them. It is going to rock their world a little bit. But you know what? That's okay. I would rather it would be better for them to have their world Rocked while they live with you so you can help them navigate that as opposed to being at their beck and call all the way through high school. They go off to college and they don't even know how to handle the level of responsibility that comes their way. There's really, really nothing wr with being a working mother and a working dad for that reason. You know, the thing that is a little bit disheartening sometimes is if you have a really successful woman who travels because of their job, who is gone a lot that misses activities and things like that, that mother gets judged by other people. You're rarely going to have a dad, the man of the house, judged by his absence. Oh, he's working and making a living. If mom is out there working and making a living and missing events and not able to be at everything, then she's looked at as, oh, she's working and not here for her kids. So it's kind of a double standard that's a little bit unfair when it comes to the parenting, in my opinion. But don't use your kids as an excuse for you to not follow your dreams. And it's very real that you may have limited time during the day while you're being the homemaker and staying home with your kids, or even if you're the working parent to focus and follow those dreams. But just don't use your kids as an excuse because your children are going to benefit from watching their mother work really, really hard and get their dreams to come true. You're going to teach them responsibility, accountability. They're going to know how to do their own laundry and cook their own meals and clean the house, all of the simple life skills that they're going to need to know in just a few short years as they head off to college and spread their wings and fly away. So I'm faced right now, too, with, you know, the empty nest and my daughter going back to school. That's a very real thing. But someone said to me one time that, well, you don't want the alternative, do you? And they're right. I don't want the alternative. I don't want my kids to stay home until they're 35, 30 years old. Absolutely not. It's. The whole point is God gives you children to raise to help grow and flourish and prepare them to live their life and go out into the world and make an impact. That's the role of a parent. We love unconditionally. We teach our children right from wrong. We teach them how to be good citizens and have ethical standards and a strong moral compass. That's what we do as parents. And when you reach that stage of life, you're not always ready for it as the parent because you've been spending all of this time preparing your children to leave, but yet you're not quite ready for it when that actually happens in your life. So I don't want the alternative. I want my kids to flourish and to spread their wings and go where their desires are meant to go and to create a huge impact this world. But I'm not gonna lie, I'm just a little bit still wishing for pigtails in school projects because I really do miss those stages, but I definitely don't take that time for granted. I just wanted to talk a little bit about mom guilt because I know we all deal with it. Mom guilt is a real thing. But go easy on yourself. Just make sure and be very intentional that the time you do have with your kids you well planned and they have your undivided attention and they're not competing for your attention over your cell phone or by a TV show or anything other than simply spending good quality time with your children and your family. This is Pamela Jean. Thank you so much for watching today. I hope a little something I said resonated and will help out your quality of life. Thank you again. Have an awesome day. It.