Pamela Jean A New Life Coaching Understanding Your Fear!

Hello and welcome to this week's episode of Tuesday's Talk. Our topic this week is understanding your fear. When you think about fear in your life and how it dictates everything that you do, all the decisions you make, I want you to try to think about what you are afraid of. Where does your fear stem from? So we're going to talk a little bit today about, you know, what's holding you back from creating a life, chasing dreams, changing your job, elevating your career. What's holding you back from that? What's holding you back from starting a new business? What if you've always wanted to own your own business, but you're just afraid to do that? What is holding you back? I really want to talk about today those things that you say to yourself, the things that run through your own head that talk you out of doing the things that you want to do and following and chasing those dreams. So is it money that's holding you back? Is it other people? What are you really, really afraid of? What's keeping you from living your best possible life? What are you allowing to get in your way of living your best possible life? So let's have a real conversation, a real talk about fear of failure. I think everyone, everyone around you, everyone you know, has had that fear of failure, fear of starting a company and it fails. What if you go bankrupt? What if it doesn't work? What if all the what ifs, you fill in the blank. There's so many different what ifs. But I want you to start thinking about failure as one of the best possible things that could happen to you. Because if you don't fail, if you don't fail at something, first of all, that means you never tried. You have to try some new things, you have to try growth, you have to work towards your goals and you have to go through the process of failure. Failure is honestly is one of the best things that can happen from you, happen to you. Because every time you fail, it's a chance for you to learn something about your journey, learn something about the path you're on, to reach those goals and to make those dreams come true. So failure, quite honestly, should be embraced. Embrace failure. And failure can come in things. Things like if you get told no, if you work in a business or if you work in a career or you're doing a philanthropy and someone tells you no, that might feel like a failure, you take it personally. I like to look at no's as in every no is one step closer to my next yes. You look at it like, okay, this one didn't work. This project didn't work out. But why didn't it work out? What can I do differently? So next time it works better? And here's the reality. Anytime you start something new, something you've never done before, well, here's a news flash. You're not going to be very good at it. That's normal. You're not going to be very good at it. It takes time and it takes experience. When I first started my photography business years and years ago, I was not a very good photographer. It took me a long time to become an exceptional photographer. If I looked at my first set of images that I created and based my career off of those first set of images, I never would have went into the next week. I never would have walked into the next session. So every single opportunity that you have in starting something new is a chance to learn something new and to get better and create that experience. The first time I did public speaking, I didn't do very well. I didn't feel very confident. I had butterflies in my stomach. Now it doesn't bother me at all. I'm very comfortable speaking to a group of 20 people, all the way up to a group of 2,000 people, very, very comfortable doing it. But I certainly wasn't comfortable the first time I did it. But the more often you do the things that you're trying to do and that will help you grow, honestly, the better you're going to become at them. So let's say you want to start a business. What's keeping you from doing that? Seriously, why aren't you following your dreams? Why aren't you doing what you want to do? Why aren't you creating the best life for yourself? Whether you're in direct sales or whether you're an attorney, you're going to start your own law firm, you're going to start your own chapter of your life, whatever that is, what is it that's holding you back? You have to realize that experience is going to make you better. No matter what it is that you're in, whatever business you're in or whatever you're doing in your life, experience makes you better, right? And learn from every single attempt. Let's say you're working in your business and you created this, this really awesome marketing campaign. You feel like it was stellar, like it was a great campaign, and it falls flat. Does that mean you're going to quit? Does that mean you're not going to try again? Of course not. You're going to analyze that marketing campaign and say, okay, why didn't that work? What can I do differently? What was good about it? What was bad about it? What do I need to change? It doesn't mean that you quit, and that doesn't mean that you failed. Because every single campaign that you run that didn't go perfectly is a learning opportunity. It gives you a chance to get at it next time. So you take what you learn and you make it better next time. It's really, really simple. And don't take failing as such a personal, personal thing. I want you to really focus on learning to embrace failure. Embrace that adversity, because that adversity is there to teach you a lesson. It's there to make you stronger and better at whatever path in life that you're on. Go into your situations and your business deals, your growth and your sales. Expecting failure. Learn to expect it. Look for it. Because the more you can look for your failures and look for where you've fallen short, the better you can make yourself become. Quickly. I want you to Google later, after we're done with the Tuesday talk, look up how many times Walt Disney failed. Look at how many times Walt Disney went filed for bankruptcy over the years. It's staggering. Imagine if Walt Disney would have given up after that first time of having to file bankruptcy or failing in the eyes of himself or the eyes of his peers. Can you imagine if Walt Disney gave up but by not giving up? Look at how incredibly he is in this level of success. Be prepared to learn from all of those failures. And here's the most, the absolute, most, most important part of failure, taking responsibility for your failure. You cannot, you cannot blame other people. You cannot blame other circumstances. You can't blame the economy. You can't blame the circumstances. You have to take responsibility for your failures. Every good leader, if you look at people in your life or people that you know that are incredible leaders, they will take responsibility for their own personal failures. And this means this holds true in your business life and in your personal life. If you failed in a relationship, you have to own your part in that failure. If you fail in business, you have to own your part of that failure. Every good leader takes responsibility for those failures, and they do not blame other people. And you can't blame your circumstances. You know, we all have things in life that happen to us, things that are. Some are in our control and some are out of our control. But you can't blame the fact that, okay, so you grew up poor. You came from a family that didn't have a Lot of money. Just because your family and your parents didn't have a lot of money doesn't mean you have to stay in that place. Doesn't mean that you're not going to have a lot of. A lot of money. You need to create that narrative and create that life for yourself. You have to steer clear of being in that victim mentality. Meaning? Well, this happened to me when I was young, growing up, and I could never accomplish anything because of where I came from. I grew up in a poor community. I grew up. Fill in the blanks. Because we all have things that have happened to us in life that we could use as an excuse to do absolutely nothing. To be as average of a person or average of a life as you want to have. It doesn't matter. Don't be a victim. Embrace where your life went wrong. Embrace your failures. Take full responsibility for them and move on and make it better. You just can't. Don't play the blame game when it comes to failing because you ultimately are responsible for the success and the lack of success in your own life. It's not anybody else's responsibility, but your own. Now, John Maxwell recently released a book called Fail Yourself Forward. It's a fantastic read. I would encourage you to pick it up because it really, really talks about embracing your failures and expecting them and appreciating them and longing for them honestly. Because that's what's going to help you get to the next level that you're wanting to reach. And I just want to share a little thing about, you know, you hear people say, you know, push forward, you got to push on, you got to push forward. And I agree with that a hundred percent. But in the of pushing forward, I want you to learn to love yourself forward because ultimately you have to feel good about who you are, about what you are, where you are in your life, to have the ability to move forward. So give yourself grace when you fail. Take responsibility and love yourself forward. Now, the next part of fear and what potentially could be holding you back from reaching your goals and chasing those dreams that you have is what are people going to say? Have you ever been in a situation where you're thinking about doing something and you're like, oh, gosh, I don't know if I could do that because I don't know what my family's going to say, I don't know what my parents are going to say, I don't know what my friends are going to say. I don't know what so and so is going to say. Fill in the blanks. Are you afraid of what people are going to think? Are you afraid or worried about the opinions of others? Seriously, are you worried about what other people are going to think if you try something new? Well, in my lifetime I've experienced there's two types of people when it comes to that. There's the individual that no matter what you do, whether you try something new or you don't, they're going to be talking about you. They're going to be having something to say. So whether it's an opinion about what you wear or an opinion of how you're parenting your children, how you and you fill in the blanks, whatever it is that you do, there's going to be that person that you know that's always going to have an opinion. Most times their opinions are very, very negative. That's why you're afraid of what they're going to say, because their opinions are never positive. But this is what I know about that person. That person who has harsh opinions on anything and everything most likely is a very unhappy, very insecure person. Don't let the insecurities and the negative connotations and opinions of someone else infect your thinking. Don't let it contaminate your journey and contaminate and quash your dreams. Because that person has their own set of issues and, and probably are extremely insecure and unhappy in their own life. And they have trouble seeing other people happy in their life. So they're going to say things that drag you down. They're going to do things that make you feel insecure. They're going to make you rethink and question whether or not you should move forward with your dreams or your advancements or whatever that is for you. You know, here's the thing. Your dream, your dream, no one can take that from you. And no one's going to love and support your dream more than you. And that's an expectation that you can never, ever, ever fill. Is expecting someone else to be as excited about your dreams as you are. So oftentimes, if you're looking for someone's opinion, like you're asking a family member, I'm thinking about starting this business of xyz. Are you really wanting their opinion or are you looking for validation? Are you insecure about yourself that you're looking for validation? You're looking for someone to say, yes, I think you should do that. That would be a great idea. Or do you really, really want their opinion? You know, getting opinions from other people, there's nothing wrong with doing that, as long as you keep it in the proper context, you don't want it to become something that contaminates and destroys and quashes your own dreams. The other type of person that you're going to have in your life is that person who is your champion. It's the one who, no matter what crazy idea you might have, no matter what big dream you might want to follow or goal that you're trying to reach, it's that champion person, that champion person who is going to cheer you on, who's going to guide you, who's going to give you good, positive feedback that's going to be very honest with you, but not mean and hateful because they are a confident person. They are one that understands the entrepreneurial dream that you have, the drive that you have. There are those champions in your life now. Oftentimes the champion is harder to find. They're not as readily available as someone who has a toxic opinion for you. But. But what I really want you to do is think about those people that you can put in your life that are going to help you reach your dreams and help those goals come to fruition and avoid the people that are going to quash them. You know, the people that are sucking the life out of you, that are sucking the life out of your dreams or goals, they need to be eliminated from that power position in your mind and that power position in your life. Now, you are going to attract people like yourself. So if you are positive and the champion for other people, you're going to attract people just like that in your own life. There's a really, really awesome quote from Rachel Hollis. I don't know if any of you follow her, but she's amazing and has a ton of great content for positive living and embracing yourself for who you are and what you are. And one of her quotes goes like this, other people's opinions of you is none of your business. So what does that mean? Other people's opinions of you is none of your business? That essentially means the opinions of another person really shouldn't matter to you at all. Now, do you need support from people? Absolutely. But fill your tribe and fill your world with positive people that have truly have your best interest at heart, that really, really want to see you grow and help you succeed. So thank you very much for joining me today. I hope you enjoyed today's Tuesday talk. I realize it's not Tuesday, but it's been one of those weeks where I was scrambling a bit with having a very full schedule. Grateful to have a busy schedule, that is for sure. So I'm gonna leave you with this. Be kind or be quiet. That is one of my favorite sayings. If you don't have something positive to say about someone or something, then just be quiet and say nothing at all. Have a great day, and I will talk to you next week.