INBOUND Bold Talks: Marc Ensign "Be a Dick"

My name is Mark, and I am a dick. I'm addicted to all my friends. I'm addict to my family. I'm addicted to people that I know and people that I don't know. And in fact, if we have ever bumped into each other, whether it be online, offline, chances are I was addicted to you, too. Something personal. It's just who I am. But it wasn't always this way. Wasn't always a dick. It all started, I guess, about a year ago. And this is that story. Meet Dick. Dick is my neighbor, and he lives about eight or nine houses down the street from me. He was the first person that I met when I moved from Tampa to New Jersey a little over a year ago. If you've ever moved 1,200 miles away from home to a place that's completely unfamiliar to you, you know what it feels like when the excitement of walking through the door for the first time wears off. You don't know anybody. You don't know where you are. You have no idea where anything is. Good luck finding a decent slice of pizza. And so I was looking around the house at all these boxes all over the place, all my stuff boxed up with their names on the side. And I did what any rational person would do. I panicked and I walked out the door, ditching my wife and grabbing my kids, of course, because I needed to make sure that I would actually come back and just not start walking north. And so I start walking around the block. And that is when I met Dick. And he was extraordinary from the second I met him. The first thing that he did when I met him was he talked to my kids. He introduced himself to my kids first. But he didn't just introduce himself to my kids like you and I would introduce ourselves. You know, he got down in their space, right? Eye to eye, talking to them, listening to them, making them feel important, making them feel good. He heard stories about American Girl dolls and legos and Star wars superheroes, and he just listened until they had nothing left. And then it was my turn, and he heard my story and let me go on and on. And when I was done, he didn't use that time to now just wax poetic about who he was and what he's done in his life. He took that time to do valuable for me, right? And it was nothing spectacular. I mean, he didn't split the atom. He didn't cure world hunger. It was simple. But it was so important to me at that time, at that moment. Garbage day is Monday and Thursday. The code to get through the gate is 4890. Great Chinese food place up the street. You gotta try them, you know? And if you give me your email address, I have a spreadsheet of all the best vendors in town. I vetted them for years. So if you need to hire a plumber, an electrician, a landscaper, you don't have to worry about whether you're hiring the right one because I got the list. Wow. So we talked a little more and it was time to go. And as we're leaving, he said, one more thing. Just one more thing. The ceilings around here are a lot higher than they are in New Jersey. So chances are, if you're going to hang something, like pictures of those kids, you're going to need a ladder. And when you do need a ladder, please let me know, because I have two and one is yours. So without even knowing if I have a problem, he offered me a solution. Kept me from being that pain in the ass neighbor that needs something on the first day. So we said goodbye and went home. The next morning I woke up and it was time to take the dog out for a walk. And I say dog very loosely. We have this little white, kind of puffy thing. She's a half Bijan, half Shih Tzu. So technically she's a bija shit. So I'm taking the bija shit out for a walk and I run into this woman that is just walking up the street and she's doing the slow motion jog thing, like right out of a movie. She comes up to me, she goes, you must be Mark. I'm so happy to meet you. I've heard so much about you. I'm Dick's wife. Wow. That's how I met Rita. And we talked for a while and at some point we got on the topic of decorating. See, my wife and I are horrible decorators. I mean, we like. It's not fair to say that we suck because we're so much worse than that. So it's like, whatever. We're worse than suck at decorating. That's who we are. We worse than suck at it. And apparently Rita does not worse than suck at decorating because she invited us over to her house to take a look around. She figured she can, you know, be happy to help us by, you know, showing us around, giving us a little introduction and, you know, showing us her house, giving us some ideas. It was great. So later that week, we. It was over the weekend, pack up the whole family, walk down the street, go over to her house, ring the doorbell. There's Dick. He answers the door. First thing he does, welcomes my kids. But he doesn't just welcome my kids again. This time, he remembers their names. Now, he met these two kids, 5 and 10 at the time, a week ago for a few minutes, and he remembered their names. I mean, they're my kids. They live in my house. I've known them for their entire lives. I screw up their names all the time. He remembered their names. So we go into their house. And now, if you know anything about my son, which I'm hoping you don't, because that would be really creepy, but if you know anything about my son, he's like the human equivalent of like an F5 tornado, you know, this kid walks into a room, and, like, something is going to turn into dust. And so we walk in, and my wife and I and anybody who has kids, you know, you get down. You're like, all right. Hands in your pockets. Don't touch anything. Don't even touch the floor. If you can help but suspend yourself in midair right here. We'll come get you when it's time to go. And so, you know, so as we're kind of giving up this speech he's heard of Dick, comes over, and he says, hey, you know, he's fine. He's fine. And then. And then he gets right down, you know, you're not gonna. You know, we're buddies, right? Yeah. Well, you're not gonna break anything of mine, right? I said, no. He goes, okay, well, go have fun. And whatever the bolt would have cost, or the picture frame or the glass, whatever would it cost to replace, which he didn't break anything. But, you know, you never know. Whatever would it cost was a fraction of what it was worth for my kids to feel welcome in this man's house, 1200 miles away from everything that they knew. It's amazing. So we go on to do the tour of their house, and they uncover every stone. We walk into every single room, open every closet. He would have shown me his underwear drawer if I was really interested, which I was not. And we walk in through the living room, and in the living room was a shelf with a dozen Emmys on it. A dozen Emmys just never came up. You know, he had a dozen Emmys on his. I don't know about you. I do not have any Emmys, so. And, in fact, I've only watched the Emmys, I think, once. And when I did, I tweeted about it. So you can only imagine if I won 12, I'd have to turn at least a couple of them into earrings or something like tattooed on my face. But he had a dozen Emmys. Just never came up, you know, just was not something that defined him, just something that he did. And even when I asked him what he had a dozen Emmys for, because, you know, there's a great story there, his response was just, eh, it's just something that I do. And after pulling a couple teeth, finally, finally he told me that the dozen Emmys came from his job 40 years. He was one of the top producers and directors for sports. Like every sports show you could possibly imagine on TV doesn't Emmys. So we left. Days went by, weeks went by, maintained, you know, friendship. Saw him walking out. Every time I walk that bees your shit up. Take for a walk. And we'd run into each other. And about two months go by and my doorbell rings, I answer the door and there's Dick. And he mentions that, hey, you know what? On Facebook, I saw that it was your birthday and knowing that you're a Red Sox fan, because I always walk around with my Red Sox hat on, walking around the neighborhood. While I was producing, directing the Little League World Series a few weeks ago, I walked around and I found every retired Red Sox player I could find. And they signed this baseball for you. Happy birthday. And so I'm staring at this ball like, wow. Speechless, right? Absolutely speechless. He leaves. I can't stop looking at this, because this is who I want to be. This is who I want to be. I want to show up to life and my friends and my family and people that I meet online, people that I meet offline, people that I know, people that I don't know. I want to show up humble, transparent, engaging, welcoming, fascinating, engaged. All these different qualities I found in this amazing person that just happens to live down the street. His name happens to be Dick. And I couldn't stop thinking about it. So I decided that that's what I was going to do. And so I spent the next year. My birthday was September 1st, so September 1st was one year. And I found all these characteristics about this man, and I lived them. He was welcoming. When I'm sitting in front of people, I curl up in the fetal position, walking up to complete strangers. Just not something I do. But I had to be welcoming. And so I would walk up and I would talk to people. Went into a restaurant after a month of being welcoming, and I sat down at a table where there were two. There were four people, four chairs, two people. My wife and I sat down. Have you ever walked into a restaurant, sat down, where there's two empty chairs? It's really interesting. But as it ends up, those two people were on their first date night in nine months, which was made even that much more awkward. But the reason they were there. But the reason that they were there was because their daughter had cancer, and they were just. They finally got a night out, and they became our friends, and their daughter became friends with my daughter. And these things would not have happened if I didn't do all this stuff, if I didn't force myself outside of the box to be welcoming or to be engaged, to be fascinating. All these different things I learned from this man. So here I am, a year later, completely different person than I was 12 months ago, standing on stage at Inbound, and I ask you that same question, you know, what if this was you? What if you approached life and business from this place? What if you approached your clients, your prospects, your employees, your employer, your partners, your vendors from this place, every single time? What if you approached your social media, your voice on social media from this place? What if you approached your content that you're writing from this place? How would life be different in 30 days, 60 days a year? So my challenge to you is to. Let's find out together, right? Let's give it a shot. Let's make this world a little bit better. Just be a dick. Thank you.