Karima Mariama-Arthur: Why Emotional Intelligence is the Lifeblood | INBOUND

Good morning, inbound. Who in the audience considers yourself a leader? Are you an effective one? Not so sure about that one. How can you know for sure? As a CEO of an international consulting firm that specializes in professional development, I've had the opportunity to work with and learn from a number of phenomenal leaders around the world. And here's what I know for sure. Effective leadership isn't something that happens by accident. It also isn't as straightforward as it might seem. So let's talk about a fundamental skill set that no successful leader can be without. One of the biggest fallacies linked to professional success is that outcomes are based solely on two cognitive intelligence and technical expertise. Now, at first glance, you might be tempted to agree with this. I mean, after all, we've used this data for decades to determine academic placement, hiring, and promotion, even who should ascend to the coveted ranks of commander in chief. So it's not that these factors are irrelevant, but they are merely entry level requirements for your success. Reaching for that next level means challenging the status quo to capture those fundamental skill sets that really drive results. One such skill set, a secret sauce, if you will, accounts for more than 58% of your professional success. And it can make or break your ability to lead with clarity and confidence. Enter emotional intelligence. Now, we've all heard this term tossed around a lot, but what does it mean really? And why would leaders need it? Well, it's your ability to perceive and influence your own emotions as well as that of others. And it can be learned and continually developed over time. Psychologist Dr. Daniel Goleman has identified the five basic components as self awareness, self regulation, empathy, motivation, and social skills. And we'll talk about each of those in greater detail in a moment. Now, while this skill set would seem to be important for anyone, leaders need it in particular because, well, we are human engineers and we need emotional acuity to power human relationships, leverage, influence and expertise and power overall effectiveness. In fact, the center for Creative Leadership, which advises the vast majority of Fortune 100 companies, has found that the primary causes of executive derailment involve deficiencies in emotional competence, difficulties handling change, working with others, and in interpersonal relationships. And the Carnegie Institute for Technology also found that, guess what? Emotional intelligence also impacts the bottom line. 85% of your financial success depends on your ability to communicate, negotiate, and lead. Ladies and gentlemen, if you want to operate at the top of the leadership food chain, guess what? You're going to have to master emotional intelligence. And I know that you are up for the challenge because you're here. So let's take a closer look at how these five components really impact leadership effectiveness, beginning with self awareness. What is self awareness? It's that conscientious knowledge of one's own character, emotions, motivation, and drive. But most of us are not aware of these elements on a conscious level. But we should be, because we've been given this whole universe of incredible emotions. Not just happy, sad, angry and excited. Yet we fail to only engage a handful, failing to recognize that knowing why we feel what we feel is just as important as knowledge of the emotion itself. Self awareness requires both observation and introspection, allowing us to see self as an object of itself. As leaders, we need self awareness because it really allows us to tap into emotional clarity, which is the foundation for self mastery. How self aware are you? Let's find out. I want each of you to think about the universe of emotions that you experience on a regular basis. Then I want you to find a neighbor. Front, back, side to side, doesn't matter who. And I want you, in five seconds or less to name the five top emotions you experience most regularly. And then we're going to switch so that everybody gets a chance. Are you ready? Go. Switch. All right, all right, all right. Okay. I still hear a lot of people talking because in five seconds or less, that's probably not something that we're most honed in on. But I love the energy in the room. So thank you. Is that keen sense of awareness is really where we want to be. So you see how tapping into that really can make a big difference. Now, when I was in law school, our dean told us during orientation that we'd experienced the full gamut of emotions within the first three years. And when he said that, I thought, this guy, why would he say something like that? This seems kind of crazy. And what I realized is that he was right. And in those first three years, I experienced fear, distress, joy, disillusionment, and at some point, even a little bit of pride because I made it. But what I realized was that law school taught me to tap into self awareness and really it encouraged me to do it now as a matter of course, which has had a profound effect on my life, both personally and professionally. If each of you want to become a more self aware leader, know this. Emotions are just like habits. And just like habits, they can be both created and broken. So practice emotional acuity by tapping into the what and why of your emotions on a daily basis and practice, or create the habit rather of indulging positive emotions and break the habit of indulging negative ones. And while you're at it, encourage someone else to do the same thing. Self regulation. We're all human and therefore prone to our frailties, which may mean succumbing to the occasional emotional outburst. But as leaders, we're really held to a higher standard, aren't we? Right. We're expected to exercise some degree of self regulation. So when you're out there looking at how you should be, then you have to say, wait a minute, sometimes I have to pull back a little bit. Think about the last time that you failed to self regulate and what those consequences were and what could you do in the future to avoid that result? I have a client, an executive coaching gentleman, and he's known for popping off, so to speak, and sometimes it gets him into trouble. Recently he punched someone in the face in a public setting, which, you know, had its own legal consequences. And we knew it was time for an intervention. While we knew that it's important for him to tap into his emotions, we also knew that he wasn't really thinking about the consequences in advance. And here's the thing, you know, thinking about fighting and emotions, sometimes these things aren't worth fighting for, right? And certainly not literally. So together we had to work on a plan that helped him focus on where he was falling down with self regulation. And now he's back on track as a matter of course. And for most of us, that's what happens. We get knocked down, but we don't get knocked out. We get back up and we try better. So if you want to be a more self regulated leader, I want you to decide to. And by deciding that means to cut off any other possibility, right? Think about your actions in advance and don't react respond to stimuli. And by thinking about the consequences of your actions in advance, you create a wonderful opportunity to create your reality in advance. Empathy. As leaders, we know it's not always about us, right? Or shouldn't be. Because most of our work is focused on the well being of other people. So being sensitive to what's going on with others, being considerate and conscientious is really par for the course if you want to connect with those you lead, which really allows you to build the foundation for solid relationships and also trust. Think about the last time that you needed empathy but didn't get it and how that made you feel. How can you be empathetic for someone else when it matters the most? A colleague recently shared an experience about domestic violence and it was pretty rough, as you might expect. Well, to get through the aftermath, she often needed time away from work or time away from her desk when she was at work. And what made the whole thing for her bearable was, was that her boss was empathetic to her plight. She was understanding, she was flexible, and she really made her, well being a priority rather than secondary to her success. If you want to be a more empathetic leader, focus on very conscientiously being more curious, compassionate and generous for others. And you know, something that's really practical that we don't think about is active listening. There's a big difference between hearing something and active engagement. Right. Empathetic leaders are the kind that really develop relationships that land and stand the test of time because they're built on the things that matter the most. Motivation. Intrinsic motivation is at the heart of effective leadership. Because at leaders, we don't have the luxury of waiting for someone or something to light that fire under our backside. We don't. We're on the front lines and those reserves have to come from us. So if you're waiting for them to come from someone else, friends, you know, you're going to have to conjure it up, right? I want you to think about what really gets you up early and keeps you up late. And what are you willing to do to go ahead and capture that right now? We all know someone who's passion drunk, because everybody's passion drunk, right? But rarer is the person who has that, as my mom would say, true gritty, Angela Duckworth would say, true grit, right? They have this burning desire to succeed despite their circumstances. And they have that mindset that's completely unbreakable. And what they've recognized that most people don't is that destiny is a creation rather than a revelation. And they've been willing to stake a claim to that reality. The question is, are you? If you want to be a more motivated leader, you've got to combine your passion along with true grit and execute a strategic plan that allows you to move, move your goals forward. When you do this, and you have to do this on a daily basis, that's the way you get results. And finally, last but not least, social skills. As leaders, we all need above average social skills because why we're always dealing with people, you just can't get around it, right? So building rapport, having those great communication skills and conflict resolution skills are really par for the course as human engineers. So I want you to think about your own social skills. Where are you weak and where are you strong? And I want you to commit to improving at least one of those weak skills before you leave Inbound. And since we have a full day ahead of us, you can go practice with everyone here at Inbound. Okay, so think about that. Now, I live in Washington, D.C. a place where having social skills is a thing. So it doesn't matter whether you're on Capitol Hill or anywhere else in the city. You're going to come in contact with other humans and you're going to need those skills not only to thrive, but but also to survive. And here's the thing. It doesn't matter how smart you are or who you know, where you went to school. None of that will help you once you've committed a deadly and often avoidable social faux pas. So if you want to be more socially astute, be intentional about how you interact with other people. And one of the first things you can do is beef up those communication skills, right? Verbal and nonverbal. Because we all know our body. It speaks. Even we don't want it to, it does. But networking and also conflict resolution. And if you do these things on a regular basis, you'll end up developing that je ne sais quoi. And people wonder why. Wow, look at them go through the crowd. So that's something that you have to be focused on. Now, if you want to know how you fare on this five point scale, I have some offline homework for you to do. I want you to Google, do you lead with emotional intelligence? It's a great Harvard Review business article that will tell you very quickly how you land on this scale. Now, ladies and gentlemen, clearly IQ and technical expertise do not really drive leadership effectiveness. But by understanding how our brains and emotions work, we can really transform our outcomes. So I encourage each of you to capture and go after the possibilities that emotional intelligence represents by becoming more self aware, self regulating, more empathetic, motivated, and socially astute. And if you apply yourself on a regular basis, you can change the way that you show up as a leader, whether seasoned or emergent, and at every level. Now, while it's true that leadership may not be for everyone, it is for those remarkable individuals like yourself who are driven by excellence and willing to do the work. So, to the leader in each of you, Cheers. To your influence, your effectiveness, and your wild success in mastering the fundamental skill set that no successful leader can be without. Thank you.