The Power of Humility in Leadership | Paul Osincup

So far, at this point in the conference, you've heard talks from Michelle Obama, Brene Brown, and as I walk up here, I see everybody stoked. Like, now we get to hear from legendary techno music artist Moby. But I. I hate to disappoint. I'm not Moby, okay? My name is Paul. I'm also, for some reason, people always think I look familiar to them or they've seen me somewhere before. By far the most common one I get. People say, you know, you look like this political correspondent guy I've seen on cnn. And I'm like, anderson Cooper. And they go, no, not Anderson Cooper. I think his name is James Carville. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. And I get it. I mean, I understand we look a lot alike. Literally, strangers come up and say that to me. The worst part about that is that when I Google images of James Carville to use for this presentation, literally the first thing that comes up is how much James Carville looks just like Gollum from Lord of the Rings. Yeah. So really, it's like people are coming up to me saying, hey, does anyone ever tell you you look just like this guy who looks just like Gollum from Lord of the Rings? What the hell am I supposed to say to that? Like, oh, my God, thank you. That's so nice. I appreciate it. So the next time somebody says, does anyone ever tell you you look like someone famous? I'm just going to go, no, look like nobody'. But recently, a kid came up and said, I don't think you look like any of those people. And I said, thank you. He said, I think you look like Shrek. Yeah. And he even had it broken down. He was like, you have the same nose as him. Look. And I was like, thanks, kid. So there's nothing more humbling than realizing you've got the same facial structure as a cartoon ogre. And for some reason, I've just been compared to a lot of different people. I don't really know why anyone from tech knows to Shrek knows, but what I'm here to talk with you all about is humility. Not taking yourself too seriously as a leader. And if you're watching this talk, you probably fall into one of two camps. Either. Wow. Humility. That's great. That's really something I could. I could work on and learn a little bit more about. In which case this talk is for you, or you're thinking humility. I don't know. I'm already really good at that. And I'm like, one of the most humble people I know. I don't even know if I need this, in which case, this talk is for you. And it's not lost on me that to give a talk on how to be humble is among one of the least humble things someone could do. It's basically like saying, look, I know that we've heard a lot about humility from people like the Dalai Lama and Mother Teresa and Gandhi, but I think it's time everyone's heard my take on the subject. But the truth is I'm not humble. At least I don't think. Naturally I don't. It's something I have to think about and consciously do things to make sure that I'm showcasing humility. And I've often wondered if there's other people like that. And I think that our, our work world encourages this. You know, when we come into work, in our work culture, especially as young professionals, it's all about how confident, competent, and capable you can showcase yourself, get more leads, get more sales, get a promotion and a raise and move on to a leadership position. And then you get to a leadership position and it's like, oh, yeah, and you need to be humble, man. I've been working all this time, I'm being awesome. Now I have to throw humility in. So. So how do I do that? And for me, I've always been a high achiever. I love it when I feel successful, and I really like it when I get accolades and other people think I'm successful. And I like, I'm the kind of guy that likes to win awards and stuff like that. Like employee the year, now that I work for myself. You don't, you don't just get awards when you work for yourself like that. So I actually had to make my own. This is, this is a leadership award for this year that I got for excellence in leadership, supervision, disruptive innovation, value added marketing, customer service, strategic planning, B2B, B2C, ROI, UX, resilience, authenticity, synergy and humility. It turns out you can just buy these anywhere. You don't have to win an award. I would suggest getting yourself one. It feels great to have this sitting on my desk. Although a little awkward, I will say. When I was on the phone with the woman and ordering it and I told her what I wanted to say, and I said, have it presented to Paul Ozenkop. And she said, great, it'll be ready in three days. You can pick it up. And what's your name? And I was like, paul. Paul Ozenkop. Damn, I wish I'd have thought that Through a little bit awkward. She's like, congratulations, man. So I'd suggest go, go and get yourself an award. And I think in our professional lives, it's, you need to talk about both confidence and humility if you're going to talk about humility, because there's a fine balance. There's a colleague and writer, Sarah Peck, who's got a nice infographic about that that really sums it up. That confidence without humility is just arrogance, and humility without any confidence is self deprecation. We need to have both. And I would argue that it takes confidence to showcase humility. So if you're like me and you've managed to at least convey a sense of confidence, but you could balance that out with a little humility. I've got a few points for that. Number one is to be able to say, I don't know. Actually, you heard Brene Brown the other day make this same point, which isn't surprising because Brene Brown's always stealing my stuff. Just kidding, Bernie. Call me. All right. But it's not surprising to me because this is common sense, but it's not common practice. Being able to say, I don't know when. When we live in a world of fake it till you make it. Even in our social lives, how many times have you caught yourself just nodding along as people are talking about politics or some author or book that surely you've read, you're like, yeah, it's okay to say, no, I don't know that author. Can. Can you tell me more about them? In a day and age when we are all our own carefully curated personal brand, that type of modesty isn't just acceptable, it's refreshing. So being able to say, I don't know. There's two people in this world who should be acting like they know everything all the time. That's Siri and Alexa. All right, so unless our names are Siri or Alexa, we just need them to quit acting like we know everything all the time. Next point is listen twice as much as you speak. This is a really hard one for me. I speak for a living and I always think I've got something brilliant to say, even when I don't. So listen twice as much as you speak. I think that these days, we listen with the intent to reply all too often, rather than listening with the intent to just hear someone out or give them the room to say whatever it is they need to say. There are people who will ask you about yourself just so they get an opportunity to talk about themselves. You probably Work with someone like that. I call them one uppers, right? They go, how you doing? And you go, I'm all right. I'm a little tired. They're like, you're tired? I only got like, two hours of sleep last night. I didn't sleep at all the night before. And you're like, okay, you win. You're more tired than I am, right? You know who that is that you work with? If you're not sure, then it might be you. I don't know. So listen twice as much as you speak. I had a third grade teacher that told me, paul, you were born with two ears and one mouth. You really should listen twice as much as you speak. Great image for a third grader to remember. Incidentally, it was the same teacher who told me, paul, you have diarrhea of the mouth. I was like, oh, my God. What? Not a good image for a third grader to remember. Great lady. I was like, what's wrong with me? Like, is this why my mom keeps saying she's going to wash my mouth out with soap? Which brings me to my next point, which is, laugh at yourself. And this is another one of those things that's kind of common sense, but not common practice. And I've seen this advice in countless blogs, articles on leadership and self development, and it's great in theory, but that's hard to do all the time. Like, when am I supposed to laugh at myself? When I. When I lock my keys in the trunk of my rental car on the way to an interview? Just be like, life, I'm so silly. No, I get pissed. I freak out, I get scared. So rather than just telling you to laugh at yourself, I want to give you a mindfulness strategy to try to do that more often so that you can find the humor in life and the humor in yourself in real time versus retrospect. So what I challenge you to do for the next 14 days, when the last thing you do at night, before you go to bed, maybe while you're brushing your teeth, I want you to think about what's one thing I did today that I could laugh at myself about or that happened to me today that I could laugh at myself about. And I want you to write it down, and you'll see what will happen worst case scenario. At the very least, you're going to have 14 funny stories about yourself to be able to share with other people. And we know that leaders who have a sense of humor about themselves are seen as more approachable, more competent, more confident, promoted more often, and paid more. So that's worst case scenario. You'll have some great stories to share. But what you'll notice is you're beginning to train your mind. Because inevitably what will occur is something will happen to you one day and it would be something that would typically make you upset or fearful or angry. And rather than getting mad, you're going to go, I'll be writing that down later tonight. And that's when you know you've begun to train your mind to see the humor in life in real time, rather than just in retrospect. Actually, just yesterday I was at this wonderful conference doing a lot of great networking, and I handed someone my business card. It was actually my hotel room key. He was like, oh, that escalated quickly. I was like, ah, damn. Sorry. It worked out. He was really nice. He was really nice and he's a light sleeper. So I've shared with you a few thoughts on adding a little more humility to your life and to your leadership style. But ultimately, what's the absolute secret to humility? The truth is, I don't know. Thank you.