28 Years And Counting

We're going to call today's talk 28 years and counting. We are one day away from our 28th year anniversary. And I was eating lunch with my sales manager yesterday, made that comment to him and he was like, how do you do that? You know, because he's only been married a few years. So just thinking about what kind of advice I can give you guys. There's all sorts of advice out there, but probably the top. Just do the top three things I can think of that have helped us last this long. I mean, your mom's obviously very fortunate to have married me, but, you know, it's been not been wine and roses this whole time, of course. So we've discussed this already once before and you go back and check that one out. Start off being equally yolked. So the first thing would be equally yoked. You got to start off on the right foot and both agreeing on the same things and the same focus going forward. So if you can't start off on the right foot with having the same goals and aspirations and they can be kind of broad, but one of you can say, I don't want kids, and the other one says, I want six kids. I mean, that's just a recipe for disaster. So starting off equally yoked, discussing with your future spouse what you want to do, how you want to do it, that would be step one, because that's the ground floor and builds the foundation to what you want to do. Secondly, and probably one of the most important ones as well is you go into this with the understanding that we're in this for the long haul. You know, this isn't a five year car lease. We won't take a look at it in a couple years and see how it's working out. Maybe we split up and that's what a lot of people do. You go into this as a lifelong thing, especially if you're going to have kids, kids of divorce. It's just tragic. I coached a lot, obviously, and I would see these poor kids and how they're affected by parents. So that alone is. You just, you know, throw divorce out the window. You just say, we're never getting divorced. Not today, Satan. You know, when you're mad. Not today, Satan. So just take one, you know, one step forward every day towards that. Knowing that you're not. That's not even an option. I would say the third thing would probably be the ability to fight and make up. I mean, you're going to have disagreements. Money is like the number one thing that married people struggle and Fight over, not enough, usually where we're spending it, etc. You know, friends. We talked about that. The people you hang out with, decisions you make, possibly career goals, aspirations, debt, moving. I mean, we moved a lot. My mom was always behind dad. I mean, I went to nine schools growing up, mostly due to the moves. We went, we moved around the country. So the ability to fight and make up and sometimes you're not going to be 100%. You can say, look, I see what you're saying, but I don't agree with you. But, you know, accepting the person saying, I love them even though we don't always agree, or we had a knockdown, drag out, making up, being able to say I'm sorry, a lot of people just can't do that. I have a hard time sometimes with that because I'm really wrong. But the ability to fight and make up and not just walk out on the other person is also one of the top three things I would say that helps you make it 28 years plus, you know, and then also role models. The opposite would be. Nana and Papa actually separated. Whenever I got engaged to your mom, it was quite the shock to her especially. You'll see that happen sometimes people raise their kids and then that happens. And then they got back together, obviously, and got remarried. So that really impacted mom. And she's like, I'm not getting divorced, the way it affected her. And she was like she was 20 or 21. And then me, my parents were married to the day my dad died, so I never had that. Divorce wasn't an option. My parents, role models, they fought like we all do, but they stayed together, united front, moved around. Mom supported dad, dad supported Mom. Dad was a hard person to live with. Mom's a saint for that. But. So we had two different role models, but they both influenced how we view marriage and divorce. So hopefully you guys as well. The same thing is with us being married for so long and continue to be married, it gives you a bit of a role model to gauge that with. Because today, so often I have friends, I have clients. Married two, three, four times. I mean, it's just like, it's. They just go. It's like you're getting a roommate for an apartment. Okay, two years is up, or at least is up. See you later. The commitment's not there. And that's just. That's another problem with society today. But a lot of these videos that I've talked about, stuff like who you hang out with, you know, some budgets, different things like that being equally Yoked. I went in deeper into that. You know, you got to set yourself off on the right path initially with that. And then it just takes some fortitude, and it just takes you saying, not today, Satan. We're not getting divorced today. Maybe tomorrow, not today. You wake up the next day, not today. And just like anything, you just keep on pounding it. You're going to go through good times and bad. There's ups and downs. That's what can make. You know, sometimes it makes it worth it, because when it gets good, it's good. And when times are down, you look back at the good times, you think, we've done this before. We can get through this. Kids are tough. Just raising children, having them, getting them through school, college. When you first get started out, getting a house, getting your career started, it's so stressful, you know, talking to a couple of you guys about that right now. Just the things you learn at work and politics that you're not used to as you mature and start the workforce. So you bring those things home with you to your spouse, and you have to listen, you have to let them vent, and you got to be there for them, you know? And maybe the fourth thing would be being best friends, too. We have, you know, me and mom have always just been friends and hung out and like to do the same things. Sports, sporting events, movies, whatever. We have friends that the spouses do. Two separate things. He's golfing all weekend, she's hanging out with the girls. You know, he's going out to the bars with the guys at night, she's going out with the bars with the girls. Or someone's going to the lake with their friends and someone's doing something else. Maybe they're working and they never see each other. So at some point when you spend that much time apart, your values start changing and you just lose your love for one another. So that's would be. Maybe number four is always make your spouse your best friend and don't let them drift too far away. I mean, you can have other things and hobbies, obviously, that's fine and it's good. But be protective of that. You know, we always have date nights. We've always had date nights. When I worked 80, 90 hours a week, mom would bring you guys for lunch on Wednesday, so I could see in the middle of the week because I left before you got up and I came home. Well, after you were in bed. Then, of course, we had the weekends and we went to church, but we always made time a couple times a week for each other. And now we always have date nights on Fridays. We go out to eat somewhere, and we have a couple of places, but that's our time. And we have friends that don't do that. You know, they do other things, and it's just baffling to me. And they wonder why. They're like, well, I don't know. We just drifted apart. I'm not sure what happened to my marriage. Well, you never hung out with your spouse. You didn't have any goals, you didn't talk to them. And after a couple years, you just kind of lose interest in each other. And that's what leads to infidelity and people cheating, you know, doing that kind of stuff. So start off on the right foot, you know, be willing to forgive your spouse. You know, just say. Just say, no, it's not going to happen. We're. We're in this for them forever, and it's amazing what kind of good things can happen from it. So hopefully that helps you guys out.