Why They STILL Think They Can Control Their Drinking (or Using)

They're finally doing better. They stopped drinking, using, gambling, whatever the issue is. They're showing up again. You're starting to relax. And then they say something like, I think it'll be okay if I have a glass of wine at Jeff's wedding next week. And your stomach drops out of your butt, right? After everything it took to get here. They're thinking about going back. They might have gone even like months without it. Maybe they even went through a whole treatment program. Maybe they've even had years of recovery, and now they're telling you why it will be fine and it won't get bad again. You're thinking, why would you ever want to go back to that? But they're not picturing going back to what happened before. They're picturing doing it differently. Here's what they're thinking. They're thinking, I've worked on myself. I know what went wrong this time. My life isn't a disaster anymore. And the very progress that makes you want to protect their sobriety is making them wonder whether they still need it. And when you remind them of how bad things got, they say, but I'm not the same person anymore. What do you say to that? Because you've seen them change and you don't want to dismiss all the work that they've done, but you also remember how convinced they were the last time they thought that they could manage it. And it doesn't start with I want to get drunk or wasted. That's not how it starts. It starts with, do I really need to keep doing all this? Then it's, was my problem actually as bad as we thought? And eventually it can turn into, maybe I could do it occasionally. By the time they bring it up to you, they've probably already spent weeks making a pretty convincing case to themselves. So let's take a look at how I'll never do it again turns into it'll be different this time. It starts before they've even thought about, even let into their conscious mind that they might drink or use again. It starts with feeling like they're missing out. In early recovery, they had some pretty good reasons to stop. They wanted to feel better. They wanted to get their family back. They wanted to stop Feeling like crap mentally and physically every single day. But now that life has settled down, and they're noticing that they don't get to do certain things right, they're at dinner, they're watching everyone else order drinks, and for a second they think, "I wish I could order one without it being a whole big thing." Then they order their Diet Coke. And they carry on with dinner. They haven't made a plan. They might even brush that first initial thought off, but later they're planning a vacation and they think, so I'm never going to be able to sit on the beach with a drink again? Or they get home after a miserable day at work and they think, everybody else gets to turn off their brain for a while. I have to sit here and do breathing exercises. I had a client once, uh, used to come to my office and he used to say that he would always get triggered from that show Yellowstone. And he would say it was like Kevin Costner. I didn't watch it, but he would tell me, you know, it was Kevin Costner sitting on like a front porch with like a drink in his hand. And to him it looks so masculine, you know, like cowboy badass. But those little thoughts like my client was having, they're probably not telling you those thoughts outright. They go on a long time before you're aware because Because they know you would freak out, ask a ton of questions, have a crazy long serious conversation, start asking them whether they've called their sponsor. And then they're thinking, good grief, I didn't even say I was going to do it. So they keep it to themselves. It's like these secret little thoughts that start building in there. From your side, things look better. You're getting along. They're showing up. You're starting to feel like you can finally breathe again. You don't see the little moments when they're looking at someone else's drink and feeling left out. Now, just a side note here, okay? I don't want to scare you guys to death because having a thought doesn't mean that they're going to decide to go back, right? A thought, most of those thoughts just come and they go and they pass. But if they start, if they keep returning back to this thought, it can start building into a whole story. They're rewriting the whole story about what recovery is to them. Right. Right? They're noticing every occasion that would supposedly be more fun, every stressful event when they wish they had their old best buddy coping skill. For some people, drinking or using is how they give themselves permission to stop working, to stop worrying, to stop taking care of everyone else. It's like their way of letting themselves off the hook. You know, just for a little bit. They've stopped the substance, but they still don't know how to like give themselves that break back, right? So while you're noticing that everything they've gotten back, everything's so much better, they're spending time thinking about something that they've lost, something that they're missing out on. They can love having a better relationship with you, love feeling better every morning, but still miss the freedom that they get or the relaxation they get from whatever that addiction was that they had. And because they're keeping this part private, you probably have no idea how much attention it's getting in their head. At first, it just, it's like, that looks nice, right? They're just thinking, oh, that would be nice. That would be nice can turn into, I miss that. And eventually Am I— it turns into, am I supposed to go the rest of my life without it? And now when they remember drinking or using or whatever it was, guess which parts they start spending the most time and energy remembering? They remember the first drink, the feeling of their shoulders dropping, the conversation getting easier, finally getting a break from their own thoughts. They spend a lot of time remembering all the good parts, and they don't spend hardly any time remembering the rest of what happens in that story. It's like watching the trailer of the movie they've already seen, and somehow the trailer leaves out the parts that made them wish they hadn't gone. And the good parts don't have to be imaginary for this to become a problem. In fact, they're not imaginary. They did have some good nights. They did get relief from whatever it was. That's the part that made it hard to give up. In the book, there's a book called Drinking: A Love Story. The author calls it liquid armor. Think about that for a second. If you're uncomfortable around people, constantly second-guessing yourself, a drink helps you feel like you can finally relax in your own skin. And that is a powerful memory. You might look at their drinking. And you remember how disconnected they became. You have all these bad memories associated with it, but they remember the moment they finally felt like they belonged. And they can spend years trying to get back to that feeling, even as what actually happens gets further and further and further away from what they're hoping for, right? They remember the good parts and forget the bad parts. So then they start romanticizing it. They're remembering those moments. On their own. Like they're separating those good moments from all the rest of the bad crap that happened after it started getting out of control. The bad stuff happens, but they're thinking, I'm not going back to that level of it. They're just thinking about that beginning part, the first part of the relationship. They're thinking, I miss sitting outside having a smoke, right? They're not spending the same amount of time picturing waking up at 3 in the morning, anxious, checking their phone, figuring out what they said because they can't even remember. And as more time passes, those consequences, those bad things get further and further away. Like they lose their emotional punch and they remember being miserable, but they don't feel that misery in the same way they did when they were living it, right? It's kind of distance. Kind of like I always say, it's like when women have a baby and it's horrible, right? It's like you remember it, but you don't remember how bad it was. Otherwise you'd never have another one, right? That's the same kind of thing happening here. Meanwhile, they're like imagining the first drink can feel pretty good right now. So you're looking at the same history. Both of you are looking at the same past, right? You're both there, but you're paying attention to one part and they're paying attention to the other part. You remember waiting up, wondering whether they were going to be okay, trying to figure out which version of them was going to walk through the door. They're remembering how much fun they used to have with their friends. That feels very personal, right? How can you miss something that put us through this? That's what you're thinking. Like, how could you even think about that? But in their picture, you know, they're not— they're picturing spending time with you. They're not picturing you crying in the other room. They aren't. missing the work like they used to. The kids aren't disappointed, right? They're picturing that small part at the beginning that they want back. And when all that happens, they may start to even compare like that picture, that romanticized picture with the frustrating parts of recovery, right? So now in their mind, they're comparing a great night out from 5 years ago versus a boring Tuesday, and they're tired of going to meetings. That's a pretty compelling yet convenient comparison, right? They're leaving out the ordinary good things recovery's given them. Waking up feeling good, remembering the conversation that happened, being able to answer the phone without wondering who's mad, right? Those things start to feel normal. Like it's almost like you build tolerance to them, like you would build tolerance to a drug. They stop getting the credit for making life better. If they do happen to let you in on this feeling, okay, this is like my word of warning here. If you're the family member, if they do happen to let you in on this feeling of missing out, don't try to argue with them. Don't try to tell them it was never good. Don't say you were never as funny as you thought you were. You were actually miserable, or people thought you were dumb. They can immediately think of a time when you're wrong. Right now you're arguing about whether they enjoyed a fishing trip in 2018. You can acknowledge the part that they miss and still make room for the rest of that story. You just got to give them time to think. They may have pictured the first hour 100 times without much thought about what follows after those first couple of drinks or lines or whatever it was, right? Because so far they've been imagining getting the good part back. They still need an explanation for why the bad part won't come back with it, right? So this whole going back to it happens in phases, right? This next phase is called the it'll be different phase, right? They think I've dealt with my depression. I'm out of that terrible relationship. I understand my triggers. They're thinking about the real changes, the work that they've put is like, they've worked really hard on this, but all that progress starts to look like evidence that things are different now, or that maybe they were even wrong. They're not even really like an alcoholic or an addict, right? Because they remember the things that, you know, they remember like the things that got bad, but they start to think about how it was all like circumstantial, right? They— this bad thing happened because of this, and that was because of that. But either way, whichever way that this is going, it's either the storyline is either I'm different now, so I can do it differently. Or maybe I was wrong. I'm not really an addict or an alcoholic in the first place. Either way, the storyline turns into something that doesn't need, or a story that doesn't end with complete sobriety. The story is changing whichever way it needs to, where it ends up when I don't have to be completely sober, at least not forever. Maybe I wasn't addicted in the first place. I haven't touched it in 6 months. I barely even think about it. Would someone that was really an addict be able to do that? This is how this works. Notice the meaning of those 6 months ago, right? At first it was, I'm glad I'm getting out of this. And now it's, maybe I didn't really need to get out of it, or maybe I just really needed to take a pause from it. I do feel better now. I needed that pause. Here's an example from something a client recently told me. I've changed the details, right? But the story's still the same. You got to imagine someone who stopped using, let's say marijuana after it started taking over. They're fighting with their spouse about it. It's causing all kinds of problems at home. They've been off of it for a while. They've been working on their anxiety. Things are improving, but they still have nights when The thoughts won't settle down, right? They start thinking, maybe we misunderstood. I wasn't using because I was addicted. I used because it helped me with my anxiety. If I had better help with anxiety, it wouldn't have gotten so far out of hand. When you're thinking like that, and this story that this situation this person was telling me about, there's something important in that explanation. And that important thing is their anxiety does need attention. They may have experienced relief when they smoked, but the conclusion here, right? All this is like evidence leading to a certain conclusion, right? They're moving toward, because the substance helped me with something, I should keep using it. The relief becomes evidence against the fact that they had an addiction. They start to sort of Look at the facts, but twist them around a little bit. Sometimes it can give you relief. Yeah, that could be true, but you could still have like a pattern of getting out of control with it, right? It's not like if it gave you relief, you weren't addicted. It's not one or the other, right? One doesn't cancel out the other. When this kind of thinking happens, they're building a case for why their situation is different now. I'm not like those other people. I know what my issue was. If they actually share this with you, you're probably going to feel the urge to point out everything they're leaving out. And I totally understand that. It's a valid urge, right? Because you remember how hard that you've worked together as a team, that you've worked to get out of the bad guy role, that they've worked. So I know you have that instinct to remind them of all those bad things, but don't you dare bite that fishhook. I'm serious. Do not bite that fish hook. You can say instead, I want you to say something like, that anxiety sounds exhausting. I can understand why you miss something that helped give you some relief or helped you feel like you had a break. And then stop. That's the empathy statement. And then stop. Do not add a but. No question at the end asking them to explain how this brilliant plan is supposed to work, right? No sassiness. You're acknowledging what they miss. You haven't agreed that it's a good idea to go back to it, right? When someone feels heard, they don't have to keep working so hard to convince you and themselves of that part. That can give them their own concerns. It actually allows room for their own to remember those bad things to come back up to the surface and into the conversation. If you'll just make that empathy statement. You might get something along the lines of, yeah, it helped, but I hated how much I ended up needing it. Or, but I was spending way too much money on it. Or, but it caused so much problems with us. Right? The key here is to let that thought come from them. If you rush in and you give it to them, it's just going to give them something to argue against. And if they don't say it right away, don't take that as your cue. Like if you give the empathy statement and they don't say, oh yeah, but it was bad. Do not take that as your cue that, okay, now I need to tell them the other half. Like, The rule is you say it, you stop. You don't have to settle all of this in one conversation. There's a saying in AA that I think about a lot when I think about this topic, and it is, I have a disease that tells me I don't have a disease. That captures how convincing this feels from the inside. The person isn't thinking, I know this is a terrible idea, but I'm going to do it anyway. That's what it feels like looking from the outside, but they're thinking, I finally figured out why it won't be a terrible idea this time. That's what they're thinking. They've missed it. They've spent time remembering it, the parts they like, and now they have an explanation for why they could get those parts back without every other crappy thing that followed. To you, it looks like they've forgotten everything. To them, it feels like they've really thought this through this time. And if you charge into that conversation with, how can you possibly believe this? They start walking you through their case. And if you've watched many of my videos, you know you don't want them to build that case against what you're trying to get them to see. They're going to tell you how it's different now. They're going to give you all these examples when they did stay in control. They're going to give you every detail you supposedly don't understand about them. And now They're rehearsing all the reasons why going back is a good idea and can work. So it's like you're taking that little thought that they're having, and by having them have an argument for it, it's like you're gasoline-ing it, not on purpose, but that's what's happening in their mind. That's why I'm so gung-ho. I'm really particular about how I want you to respond to this situation. If they tell you they miss it, acknowledge what they miss. If they tell you they're tired of feeling different, acknowledge how that could be awkward, right? It sounds like you're tired of having to order Diet Coke every time we go out for a special dinner or something, right? Just validate the part that's valid, right? And just let it land. You can take their feelings seriously without agreeing to the conclusion that it's a good thing to do. Now, if you're watching this and you're recognizing your own thoughts as I go through these situations, I want you to pay attention to what you haven't said out loud, but you wanted to say. Like, if you're imagining yourself in a situation as a family member, think about what you wanted to say here. You don't have to wait until you've made a decision to tell someone if you're the person that's listening from the other side, right? You miss it, right? And you're making a pretty good case for yourself if you feel yourself having these thoughts. That's something you can bring into the conversation while you're still deciding what to do with it. And if you, the best idea of this is to have a safe place to do that. If it's not your loved one, maybe it's your friend in recovery, maybe it's your sponsor, whatever. But for the family member, I just want you to notice those responses I'm recommending because it could be you they come to with it. It probably sounds like the opposite of what you were imagining. that you would say or that you want to say. You're thinking that you need to remind them of how bad it got, or maybe you're thinking, I need to remind them of the boundary that's set or what's going to happen if they do it. But if you make them feel heard, that shift is going to help them shift out of that thought. And it's hard to do that because I know that you're scared. Every part of you wants to jump in and stop this before It goes crazy because you know that's what's going to happen. But helping someone come out of denial takes a different kind of conversation than what your fear is trying to get you to say, or your anger or your frustration or whatever, right? Or just your sarcasm or your sassiness if you're like me. But just look at the storyline we walked through today. The person had recognized they had a problem. They stop. They made real progress. They start missing it. They start remembering the good parts and explaining away all the reasons why they needed to stop. And then they're talking themselves back into denial. That's what this is like. You can be out of denial and go back. And today's video is all about how does somebody go backwards into denial? This is exactly how it happens. So Whether you're trying to help someone recognize the problem for the first time, like they've never been out of denial, you're trying to get them out of denial, or you're watching someone you love rewrite history, like what we're talking about today, and kind of go backwards into denial after a period where they've been sober for a while, then maybe they've even been doing really good in recovery, whatever that is. Helping someone get out of denial, there are just keys and ways to do that, and it's against what your instincts tell you to do. Now, if you're in that position, we are going to work on this more in depth next week. We're having our next Denial Breakthrough Intensive. We have this training about every 9 or 10 weeks or so. If you're watching this live right now, or shortly after it's released, close to the video time, our next one is October 19th through the 22nd. So that's Monday. It's all next week, right? If you're watching this later, you can still click the link in the description because You'll be able to see when the next one is, right? We're going to work through how to get past denial, how to lower defenses, how to spark motivation and open the door to change, or just open the door to reality so they can stay changed. You'll learn how to respond to what's actually happening underneath those words so you can put these ideas into practice. When your person's fear kicks back in or when they feel like they're missing out. The link for all that is in the description. If you're joining live, remember we start on Monday. You need to grab your seat, right? And if they do, let me just want to end on this. If they do let you in on this thinking where they've been good for a while and they're thinking about going back, they're having these thoughts, they haven't acted on it. I want you to remember what that means. It means that they've let you into a conversation that they could have kept entirely in their head. For me, when a client comes to me and they tell me, I really wanted to use, I'm craving, I've been romanticizing, I'm thinking about it, I'm always so glad when they're telling me because if they're telling you, it means they don't really want to or they're trying to talk themselves out of it. Otherwise they wouldn't be telling you. So just remember that and try not to freak out, right? So go ahead and rehearse it so that you're ready when this fire drill happens because it's hard to think in the moment, right? But you do not want to argue against. You don't want to undo all of that hard work that you did to get out of the bad guy role. Stay steady. Use the skills we've worked on together and hold your own. Hold your steady. Do not jump onto that roller coaster because it's— if you jump on it, you're both going to spiral really fast right back into the same cycle you were in before. All right. If you're watching live, we're about to get to the point where Bree is back there moderating. She's going to put your comments, your questions, your feedback right up here on the screen. Hopefully you guys got some good ones for me today. You almost always do. So let's get into that part. Um, while we get that up there, the link is in the description for Denial Breakthrough. I'll come back afterward and put it in the comments. Um, sometimes y'all have a hard time finding the description, so I'll put it in the comments too so y'all can find it. All right, Bree. What we got going on back there? Do you have to be live to do Denial Breakthrough? Oh, um, the coaching is live, but you don't have to come live because you can watch the playback. I do think it's better if you can come live because, I mean, it's just better live, but, but you can watch the playback because I understand it's in the middle of the day for most people and you're working and that kind of thing. So depending on which ticket you get, um, will determine how long it's up, the playback's up. But it will be up for at least 24— each one will be up for at least 24 hours. All right. So my loved one did 28 days inpatient and was released earlier due to insurance, and he was furious and drinking since. How do I get him to focus back on sobriety and not ruminate? So he's furious because they let him out early? That's interesting, right? It's almost like I'm just trying to prove to this insurance company that they made the wrong mistake, right? Which is not a great way to go about that. You're going to have to validate the frustration that he has. That wasn't fair. You were working hard, you were doing good, whatever. Insurance companies make— honestly, insurance companies make me think bad thoughts. So I could definitely validate that, right? But help, maybe you can say, but you were doing so good. You can beat this and kind of give them a little pep talk if you can, if they're open to it. But this isn't someone thinking about going back to it. It's like they've gone back to it. So you may be dealing with someone that's all the way back in denial already. And so if so, then we need to start with those, how do you get someone out of denial strategies? Uh, okay. Deanna says, boyfriend of almost 14 years has been a functioning alcoholic until— up until the last 5 years. The past year he has started binge drinking and isolating from everyone. Could this be end stage? What I think of when I hear this, Deanna, what I think is going on here is that, um, Because I'm reading into this, but what I'm thinking you're saying is he was a functioning alcoholic, meaning he drank regularly, like maybe he drank every day or almost every day, and now he's not doing that anymore, but he's binge drinking. What I think is happening is this person realized that they did have a problem and they've tried to stop doing it, but they're having these breakthrough binges, right? Maybe they're trying to only drink once a month, or maybe they're trying to only drink on weekends, or maybe they're trying not to drink at all, but they're having these little relapse breaks. And when it, The dam breaks; it turns into this big binge. It could last for days or whatever, right? And they're isolating. They don't want other people to see them drinking because they don't want to talk about their drinking. They don't want to answer for it. They know, you know, maybe they've made promises to people that they wouldn't or whatever. And but my guess is this is some kind of attempt to not drink or to drink less. But every time they open the gate, the floodgate opens and it bursts through and turns into a binge. I've had a lot of clients who did that. They're like. Almost had it completely under control, but it was like every month or two, whatever would happen would trigger them. And then it would be days of being MIA, out doing whatever. They don't want to answer your call because they feel ashamed and it's terrible. And then they're like, how many times? And then they're mad at themselves, right? And then they pull it back together and they get back on track and they're good for a while. And then a couple months later, it happens again. Let's see. Our next question says, I want to ask what worked for you over the past year in an effort for my son to see that his choices aren't working and open up a question. What could you do? He had a year sobriety now and a year of relapse. I'm annoyed. But I know I have to let that go. Any tips? Okay, so he was doing really good and you're wanting to— if you have a moment where he's having some change talk, like he's saying, I know I got to get it back together. I know I got to quit this again. Then that's a good question to ask when the door is open for that. What worked for you? You had a year, you did really good. What helped you then? Right? That's actually a really good question to ask. It's just not a good question to ask if they're not even thinking about that because they're just going to eye roll you. There's going to be Oh my God, here we go again. And they're just going to either get defensive, yell, turn it on you, shut down, something. So if you have the window open and you're getting some change talk, I think it's a great question. All right. My loved one says he wants to quit drinking when he's drunk. And then when I talk, try to talk to him about it, he says he didn't say it or he blows me off. I record him when he's drunk and saying that. Um, it's not uncommon for people when they're drunk or high or whatever it is, it's like now they, they've satisfied that itch a little bit and they're like, I, I gotta quit doing this, right? And then they, they're like, okay, that's it, I'm tomorrow morning, this is it, or Monday morning or whatever. And they make all these promises and they think that at the time, but then when you talk to them I'm guessing you're trying to talk to him after the fact, right? When he's probably feeling like crap, he doesn't want to talk to you about it because he's not really sure he wants to commit to it. And you're right, he doesn't even remember the conversation possibly. And it is frustrating. It's like when they're intoxicated, they want to quit, but as soon as that's over, they're right back in that same craving cycle or withdrawal cycle or whatever, and it's hard to get them out of it. Um, Fun Mom Time says, partner sober 3 months, stopped by friends and got bad news. Wants to get involved now that he is sober and feels it would be the right thing to keep it from happening to someone else. How can I help him see our family is more important than the danger? Is, I think what you're saying is like your person's been sober for 3 months and now they want to help someone else be sober, someone else that's using or maybe been a using buddy or something in the past. I think that that's what you're saying. If you get into arguing about that, that the family's more important, then he's going to defend the friend, right? And you don't, it's not so much that you don't want him to defend the friend, but he's going to defend the choice. to be with the friend because this is like a loyalty question. So the first thing I would do is I would sort of validate the loyalty. I would validate the part that he wants to like use his experience and help someone else. And then I would probably say, what kind of safe— no, no, someone got hurt. So, so he wants to help someone got hurt and injured, but it's not like he's trying to help him in his sobriety. Is that what you're saying? It's all loyalty. Okay. Yeah. So validate the loyalty because in general, loyalty is a good trait, right? That'll help them remember that he's loyal to you too, right? And saying, I appreciate being loyal to me too. You can throw that in there if the timing seems right. And then ask them about what safeguards they're going to put in place, right? Or how they'll know that they need to draw a boundary or something like that. And that way they're articulating out loud where those safeguards need to be. But this idea of trying to get them to not do Do it. I don't, I don't think that's gonna work for you. Uh oh, Lynn says, "Should I record him?" Um, I don't know. Like I have seen that work. Like I have seen spouses record when their person is drunk because the problem is they just act crazy and they don't remember it. And it's like, dude, if you could just see this, if you knew how bad it was, you'd stop. I've seen that work, and I've also seen that. Backfire. I think you said earlier that you've been recording. Have you ever showed him any of the recordings, and how did he react? Like, what happened? My guess is right off the bat they're going to be super defensive. Um, they're going to turn it on you and say, you know, how are you recording me? It's privacy of my own house, blah blah blah. You know, it's going to turn you in villain, but it might plant a seed in there. Like, I once had a client who got a DUI. And, you know, it's like recorded from the cop car cam or whatever, the whole thing. And, um, his lawyer had given him access. They were gonna have to go to court, and his lawyer wanted to watch it. So he wanted to watch it in the office with me because he was scared to watch it because he knew it was gonna be bad. And it was bad. And seeing himself like that, it was kind of helpful in that moment. So it could go either way. I think you just kind of have to know your person. I'm tired of the denial, so I gave up acknowledging the pain and the damage he's doing. Why do I still want this relationship? It's insanity. Because you remember the good parts. It's the same insanity. We just talked about how the person's been in recovery, but they still want the drink and the alcohol because they remember the good parts. It's the parallel process. Like, you know that this person isn't all bad and this relationship isn't all bad. And it's just like, if I could just keep them in, if we could just get rid of this one problem, we'd be so great. That's exactly what they think about their addiction, right? It's so great. If I can just keep it from going over this line, it's like a bargaining. It is kind of an insanity, but it is understandable too. Leslie says, my hubby said he would stop for me for some time, um, an undetermined amount of time. It's obvious that he is drinking. He is terrible. Short-term memory lapses, scary and annoying. Can I say something? He's been— are you saying he's been more responsible or more responsive? Maybe is what you're saying, Leslie. Um, So he told you he was going to stop for a period of time, and he's— I'm thinking what you're saying is he's acting like he's still stopped, but you know he's secret drinking because you're saying it's obvious he's drinking. So does that mean he's trying to pretend like he's not and he knows that he— you know he is? If that's the case, it's kind of one of those like purple elephant situations. And if you're gonna bring it up, I wouldn't ask him Because when you ask somebody if they've been drinking, you almost always get a lie, and that's going to make you more mad because it makes us mad to be lied to, even worse than the original sin or whatever. So I wouldn't ask them. But if you want to say, hey, I know you've been drinking some, but I see you trying to be more responsible. I see you trying to make effort, and I appreciate that. I just wish we could be honest about it. So you might could say something like that. Unless your person is like super defensive and argumentative, and you you just know better. All right, we are to the end of our time, folks. Thank you guys so much for showing up. There are seventy of you here right now. That's exciting. Like, and all of you who are participating and you're commenting and you're liking and subscribing, you're helping the channel. Plus, on these Thursday lives, when I first started doing these, I did several where there was no one here, and. It feels real awkward when you're talking to yourself. So I appreciate you guys showing up. Um, the link to Denial Breakthrough is in the description. Oh, and there's this new YouTube thing, and I've done it once. I don't know exactly how it works, but it's called hyping. I know a lot of you guys don't share my videos because I tell you not to share them with certain people at— because I don't want it to be a confrontation. But you can press the hype button, and, um, it, it just tells the algorithm to share it more, and that helps the channel. So. Um, if you're watching on your phone, it's in there where you have all those little, uh, buttons like the like. It's right in there with all those. So I think you can hype like 3 videos a week. They give you so many things. So if you could hype us, that would be awesome. It'd help the channel. And I'll see you guys next Thursday. We're always live at 1, and we release new videos on Tuesday. All right, see you guys soon. Bye everybody.