Raele AltanoWell With raele · Founder | 2x Certified Communication Coach | Content Creator

“You” vs. “I” Statements #wellwithraele #conflictresolution #communication

4 Aug 2023 · 1 min

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Raele Altano delivers a short instructional monologue advising viewers to replace accusatory "you" statements with "I" statements during conflicts. She demonstrates common "you" formulations (e.g., “You made a mess,” “You’re always running late,” “You never listen”) and offers parallel "I" statements that express feelings and effects (e.g., “I feel like you don’t care…,” “I get stressed and anxious when you run late…”). The segment encourages practice, patience, and mutual grace to reduce defensiveness and improve understanding.

Chapters

Some of you are getting nowhere when it comes to resolving conflict because you are using more you statements instead of I statements. For example, you made a mess and now I have to clean it up. You're always running late and are so bad at time management, you never listen to what I'm saying. Get the gist. As tempting as it is to rely on these statements to express how angry you are, especially in the heat of the moment of an argument, try using I statements instead. So, for example, I feel like you don't care when you make a mess and don't make an effort to clean up after yourself. I get stressed out and anxious when you run late and it doesn't let me enjoy what we're doing or are about to do. Don't feel heard when you constantly interrupt me and don't give me a chance to explain myself. This is a constant work in progress and isn't something you learn overnight. But shifting from you statements to I statements approaches situations from less defensive angles, doesn't sound so full of blame, and helps the other person understand where you're actually coming from and how you're feeling. Give yourself and the other person grace. Try it out and see how it might work for you. Let me know.