Avoiding Life Mistakes

Satisfaction. Tonight we are discussing life mistakes. Life mistake number one is wearing a fedora by choice. Let's get that out of the way right now. If you're wearing it, take it off, put it in a shredder. Let's get rid of that thing. Let's avoid life mistakes. That is life mistake one. Can we all agree I've really wanted to talk about this for a long time, as long as 15 minutes ago, because you know Warren Buffett's partner, Charlie Munger, he basically has. He's talked a lot about psychology and he's created a framework. And one of his key principles is, you can be successful if you just avoid blowing yourself up. What does that mean? Addiction. If you avoid envy and resentment. And I really love this framework. And the more I have gone on in life, the more I have started to see that if you show up every day, you try to do your best, you know, some basic things, you're probably going to do pretty well. I've also seen a number of people, a lot of Internet marketing people, for example, who come up, they make a million dollars the first year, but, you know, they're not doing it ethically. And sure enough, two years later, they've blown themselves up, they're out, they're gone, bankrupt, etc. So I want to talk about life mistakes and what are some of the ones you have made and what are some of the life mistakes that we can discuss together so that we can avoid them? Now, before tonight's Fireside chat, I went on Twitter and I asked people, what, what are your life mistakes? What if, what, what should we not do? If you think someone around you is making a life mistake or has made a life mistake, tag them right now, tell them to come watch this. This is one of those things that everyone can. It's like a spectator sport. Let's talk about everybody else's life mistakes. Great. And maybe, maybe we'll learn from it and avoid some of our own. Alright, so here's what some of the people told me on Twitter, Ramit. They said, sticking with a career because it's what you thought you wanted to do when you were 20. How many people have done that? How many people are doing that right now? Everybody get a big old mirror out. Just look at yourself in the mirror as I do this. You're going to look at yourself, all right? Missed opportunities in all arenas of life due to a fear of failure and a bias for inaction. How many people here have been scared to try something new? And the older we get, the Scarier it becomes to try something new. Being an info junkie, not taking the plunge on low cost, high reward risks. Oh, oh, there's a bee in here. That's good. Now we got them. They're. They're flying now. That's good. I see this every day. I see people who have been on my list literally emailing me, oh, Ramit, does this program include this one obscure thing? I look up their name because they look familiar. They've been asking me the same questions since 2013. They don't want to make a change. They want to ask questions until they find something that allows them an out. And yet they are incredibly resentful at themselves for. For not taking action. So there's a lot packed in there. This one resonated with me. Started bodybuilding too late at 25 and didn't count macros till 27. Wow. I felt that one deeply. Just add a few more years. I was like, oh, if you guys, maybe I'll post one of my skinny Indian photos before. Man, I wish someone had said, look, let me show you how these macros work. That really would have changed my life back then. Over optimizing for optionality quote. I don't know what I want. So I'll go to college, go to grad school, go to consulting to keep my options open. This person said, sometimes you need to pick a path and bet on it. If it doesn't work out, you can pivot. How many of us are afraid to close a door and so we want to keep our options open? A lot of people doing that in relationships. A lot of people doing that with their job. A lot of people doing with people around us that might not be. They might have been our friends or they might have been supporters 10 years ago, but we're afraid to close the door and say, you know what? That's not serving me anymore. A lot of us. This person said something really candid. He said, consumer debt. And I asked him, dude, when you got into debt, you already knew it was a bad thing. So back then, what did you tell yourself? He said, yes, I knew. I refused to admit to myself my dire financial situation and tried to keep up appearances that I was not completely broke and insolvent. I was flipping houses when the market crashed. Classic. You know, you see these people, they jump from one fad to another. Let me do. What are those? Pogs. What did people have when. Oh, yeah, Pogs, yeah, they do that all right. Most of Beanie Babies. Beanie Babies. They're speculating. Then they go to flipping real estate because they saw it on some Bravo show. Those people that didn't work out, they blow up. So then what do they do? They go to bitcoin. They just jump from one speculation to another. They never go legit. They're just hustlers over and over. And at a certain point, the rest of the world passes them by and they keep hustling. This person said I was young and dumb. If I admitted it, I would be a failure and I would embarrass myself. So I told myself I would turn it around. I tied business success to being successful in life, which is completely wrong. Now props to this person because he recognized it and made a change. And I think that's really the theme of tonight, which is let's avoid life's biggest mistakes. But let's also know that at one point or another, we're all going to make a big mistake. And some of these stories that heard tonight or will hear show us that even if we make one or two big mistakes, we can probably recover. But if you make more than that, big ones, it's time to take a really hard look in the mirror. And after a certain point, those may become irrecoverable. So, Cas, it seems like there's a lot of people with comments. What are we hearing so far tonight?

Someone just said this is a juicy topic. Really want to listen. Lots of people agreeing with are you ex, like raising their hands? Someone said, I relate to info junkie, but I do want to make changes.

Yeah, I hope so. The only way that you really mean that is if you actually do it. So it's like I'm going to give you an example. I know info junkies all day long, right? They read my emails, they read other people's emails. They think they built themselves up. They're on 10, 20 people's list. I don't know what's the right course to buy. I'm going to procrastinate for the next six years. They actually just think about it. They actually believe that choosing the right course is what they need to do to be successful. Choosing the right course and handing over your credit card is like step 0.01. You could show up to a conference, you could go to Disney Institute. Like I talked about last night. That doesn't mean shit. Anybody can buy something. Money is cheap. That doesn't matter. The hardest part is actually setting up systems and following through. The hardest part is talking to a customer or a prospect and saying, I created this. Do you want it? Will you Pay me for it. That is hard. Anybody can buy a course. So they've actually built this whole thing up in their mind, which is entirely the wrong point. It would be like, I want to be. I want to be a chef. Which knife should I buy? Buy any. Buy three. But the point is, you got to start cooking, and you're going to suck. You suck at cooking. But then I'm saying this to myself, really, this is a mirror. Tonight, Ramit, you suck. Your grilled cheese sandwiches are mediocre at best. But you gotta keep doing it. And that is how you start to become decent. Then good. Then perhaps even world class. All right, let's go on to a couple of other things. Charlie Munger has this great speech he made. You can search for Charlie Munger's speech. Avoiding mistakes. And I really like Charlie Munger. I think he has some excellent views on psychology and self development. He's pretty dense, and I don't agree with everything he says, but I like some of his stuff. He pointed out in this speech there's a few things that you can avoid that will prevent total ruin, addiction. Just avoid it. Letting envy and resentment take over. And he has some great examples. This is a big one. How many people do we know that are watching right now that are paralyzed because you're looking at this person and that person, and this person is making that much. And that person stayed at this hotel in Bora Bora. And so we're so afraid to even start because it will look shameful compared to this person who's making a billion dollars. A million dollars. Whatever. They have this many followers on Instagram. And I have to say, Cas, like, when I. You saw me when I started off with Instagram, right? And I was horrible. In fact, I didn't. I posted maybe one photo every two months. You once made me take down one photo.

Oh, yes, I remember that.

This the only photo that you've ever said, like, you should take that down.

Yeah.

Can you tell everybody what that Was?

Was it a 12 toilet?

Yes.

Yeah.

You know where it was?

In Japan?

No. It was in the US at the Japanese restaurant in Tribeca. So, first of all, I love Japanese toilets. I don't know if you know that, but bidets are the future. Filthy Americans.

That's the one sponsorship you'd like. Toto.

Oh, yeah, Toto. Hook me up. The. The place. The places we stayed in Japan. I looked at the hotel, the toilet, the bidets. Like $4,000 each. Like you walk in, first of all, the lights, it lights up. It automatically opens. It's heated. It makes a little noise when you're sitting down on it so nobody else can hear you. I mean, basically, the thing is amazing. I mean, it probably teaches kids math when they sit down. It's like, unbelievable. So I saw a similar bidet at this sushi restaurant in Tribeca. I was like, this. This is amazing. I just opened the door and it opens. So I took a video of it, which I posted on Instagram. Cass. Cass finds me like, an hour later. She's like, did you. Did you post that on ig? I was like, yeah, it's so cool. She's like, what'd you say?

You should take that down. But you did. I appreciate the passion behind it.

There's a lot of passion, you know. What did we hear from our guide in Japan? The engineers at T Toto, which is the bidet company, they studied it carefully, and they tested something like 63 different versions to find the perfect angle of a bidet. I was like, this the kind of craftsmanship I need to be on. So anyway, when we really make it, Cass, we're getting that thrown. What the hell was I talking about?

Toto, contact Ramit Toto.

Let me know. I have no idea what we were talking about. So, Charlie Munger, envy and resentment. Oh, yeah. A lot of. Oh, yeah. So when I started off Instagram, I saw all these people who had massive followings, like 500,000. A million. Five million. And they had, like, so such sophisticated systems going on. They would do a podcast, videotape it, chop it up, post it on stories, cross post it on Facebook. I'm like, how? I don't understand how this works behind the scenes. And it was very humbling to me. But I just started, and eventually I was in Japan, and that's when I got really motivated. I learned how to do stories, and it took me a few years before I got pretty good. We've all been through something like that where we start off looking at other people. It seems unachievable. It's frankly a little overwhelming. But we just start. And whether it's photography or cooking or. Or parenting, whatever the case may be, we all start somewhere. But it's a little interesting that in the things we claim are important, such as losing weight, starting a business, managing our money, we often let that same principle hold us back. Well, I'm 45, and I don't have a million dollars saved, so I'll just not do it at all. Not effective. Big mistake. So I want to talk about what some mistakes that I've made are. And I want to hear from others on what mistakes they have made are. Okay. First off, I want to say I'm pretty fortunate. I grew up in a middle class family. Both my parents are educated. I had a great family upbringing. So that already narrows the scope of how many life mistakes I can make. It was probably unlikely that I was gonna get addicted to drugs. It just was. We just didn't. We didn't have a big drug culture where I grew up. So I'm very fortunate in that regard. But I think we should acknowledge that different people grow up in different situations. So I'm just gonna tell you about mine, and then I want to hear about yours. I think about one of the mistakes that I made was listening to the wrong people. And like in the past, it was gangs, you know, they always talk about if the teenager falls into the wrong crowd, big problem, drugs, violence, all kinds of stuff we didn't really have. I don't know, I didn't really grow up around gangs that at least that I know of. I was too busy working on my writing and trying not to fail my math class. But I remember at one point I got a job offer from this text tech company and they said to me on the call, they said, you know, we'd like to offer you this program. Dah, dah, dah, dah. It's a rotational program. The way we evaluate you is this. Most people get threes out of five. If you're exceptional, you get fours. Nobody gets a five. And I remember my instant reaction. I was sitting on the floor of my dorm room taking this call and my immediate reps, I will get that five. And, you know, we had the conversation about perks, whatever, hung up the phone and I took a couple of days and I thought about it and I'm like, why the hell was I so drawn to getting a five? And what I realized is when it comes to academic or people who are high achievers, whether it be in academics or business or physics, fitness, whatever, you put something in front of them like a bone, and they will chase it. And that's exactly what I did. A five. I'll get the five. I didn't stop to ask, does it even matter? What do I get? What is it going to cost me to get that five? And I think that was a real pivotal moment for me because I turned the offer down. I said, thank you, but I'm going to pass. Had I done it, know what would have happened? I know myself, I would have seen that five in front of me. And I would have optimized my entire life to get that five. And at the end of the day, I'm just chasing a number that some arbitrary manager gives me. So I think a lot of us can take the lesson away. Whether it be our parents saying you should be a doctor or pharmacist or whatever, professor. Whether it's our partners saying, you know, I really wish you did this, and really stepping back and saying, let me try to evaluate this. Where are they coming from when they say you should be a doctor? Why are they saying it? It's not just that they're repeating something. There are real economic reasons why immigrant parents, for example, want you to be a doctor. Let's listen. But then let's also ask ourselves, do I want that? What does the day to day look like? Is that meaningful to me? So I'm thankful I did not make that mistake. But I would say that I have listened to the wrong people on occasions. And I mean, I hired the wrong. I've hired a few wrong people at iwt. Did not go well. I've taken advice from other people and then when I finally kind of tried what they were recommending, I was like, this sucks. And then I went to them like, dude, this didn't work. They're like, oh yeah, yeah, that didn't work for us either. But it sounds like a good idea. I'm like, fuck, I should have done better. Due diligence. A couple of other mistakes I made was over optimizing. I'm an optimizer. I love to optimize. I think a lot of techie type guys love to optimize. Cas, how do you feel about optimizers?

That's what I think about. Tell us guys are optimizers.

So this is what Cass won't say because, you know, she's like, very nice. I'll tell you what she's. Can I translate for you?

Sure.

So these tech guys call her up and they want to, you know, potentially get their wardrobe done.

Their style updated.

Style updated at next level wardrobe. And the first thing they always say, they all think they're like independent thinkers. Like, yeah, I really want to optimize my style. Like, I want to like, I want to like systematize, optimize. Cas, what's your reaction to that?

It's not a good fit.

It's not a good fit because.

Because they're so focused on the ROI and the optimization. Even though my systems are amazing, but that's not the point of it.

First of all beautiful. Self plug there. That was. That was incredible. You're really beautiful. I used to think when it. When I was early on 22, I mentioned earlier that I wanted to dress better. And I remember as an optimizer, I was like, hold on a second. These jeans cost four times more than the other jeans. So they last four times longer, right? That's the roi. Otherwise, what's the point? So stupid. And that's. Yes, they do last a little longer. But I was using the wrong lens to evaluate those jeans. My stupid lens was durability. At a certain point, everything's durable. Once you're paying enough, everything's going to last for basically a long time. But there were other lenses that I was not aware of, such as fit.

Color, how you feel in your clothes. Yeah, that was like the last how others perceive you.

I didn't even think of that. Right now it's 15 years later. All right, thank you. So over optimizing, you tech dorks. Stop it. God, I need to optimize all these people in fire, too. How many Monte Carlo simulations can you run, for God's sake? You open Excel every day and you tweak your assumptions or 7%? How about 7.2%? I don't know. Market's pretty down. Let's try 6.8%. But over the course of the last 67 years, it's like, dude, you won the game. Get out of the spreadsheet, please. You already won. The thing is, it's so comfortable. Excel really does keep a lot of these folks warm at night. Oh, Excel never talks back. Excel C5 always does what I tell it to. You won. Your model's good enough. What is the 85% solution from my book? It means you got 85% of the way there. Now move on. It's better than getting zero percent. So, all right.

When would you say you. You didn't pay as much attention to optimizing, though? Because it didn't happen overnight.

It happened in my late 20s.

Late 20s.

So here's an example, too. I remember, like, I was the kind of guy where if you went to my apartment in my early 20s, I would have no framed photos on the wall because a frame is a waste of money. I would have, like, a tact poster, and it was very utilitarian. White walls. Why it's so wasteful to paint it, and then I gotta paint it when I leave. You know, that optimization, like, bled into everything, into the stuff on my walls, into the jeans I wore, and it was so utilitarian. But I wasn't even good at being utilitarian. Like there are minimalists who really, they truly optimize for low cost longevity. I wasn't even good at that. I'm not built for that. I don't want the cheapest, I want the best. So I started in different parts of my life to say I want to earn more, I want to go out and not have to worry about buying a round of drinks for my friends. And I'm way more interested in creating a business and a lifestyle that, and helping my students do the same where they can add value as opposed to cut costs. Just to give you an example, Cas. Like, if I think about running Walmart, it's like pure hell to me. It's like a pure cost based business, pure operations. You're looking to squeeze out $0.01, you know, over the course of a truck. I hate that. But if I think about a business like Tiffany at the pure luxury level, Brunello, Cucinelli, or at the premium level, Mercedes or whatever, any, anything, a premium gym, for example, that we talk about a lot, that's so much more attractive because instead of cutting costs, I'm like, how can I deliver magical experiences? Disney's a perfect example too.

Would you say that optimization and generosity, they go hand in hand or what do you mean?

So.

Like, I think about you, you're so generous in various ways. And I think those two things may be related somehow.

That's interesting. I, I don't know.

Maybe not, not optimizing could equal more generosity.

Maybe, maybe I think that, that by closing the door on optimizing everything and by, by kind of realizing, okay, like for most things in life I just need to be good. Not great good or good enough. That opened doors for me to do stuff like think about generosity now it's like strategic. Like the other day we knew somebody who got sick. They recovered, thankfully. Let's send them a gift. We know that their family went through a lot. Let's just send it to them. And they got it. They got on Zoom with us and it was awesome. I would have never thought about that in the past, but that in part I was less abundant because I had less. But also now I'm free to think about other things besides ROI and optimization on everything. So, all right, I want to talk now about a couple of things that I see from other people. Then I want to take some questions. So now's a good time. What is your biggest life mistake that you've made? Now I want to talk about some common Ones I see that drive me insane. So one of them is thinking that being an introvert is the same as being socially awkward. God, this drives me insane. We had somebody a few nights ago who said, as an introvert, I blocked and I was like, so let me stop you right there. Why do you need to introduce yourself as an introvert? Because almost always when people do that, they're using it to weaken the claim after the word introvert. As an introvert, I find it really difficult to go to parties. Okay, what if we flip that and say, I want to learn how to develop the skill of going to parties? Why? First of all, people dramatically misunderstand what an introvert truly is. Read Susan Cain's book. It's good. But also, there are a lot of things that you could define me as that are not particularly positive in this culture. If I went around and that was the first thing I introduced myself as and I led with that, I would not be here today. Oh, Ramit hairy. Considering that I have really hairy arms, do you think it's possible for me to be able to start a business? Because I'm gonna give a lot of speeches and they don't hairy arms. Why? Why are you bringing yourself down before you even ask the question? And again, being an introvert is not bringing yourself down. That's the whole point. The other thing that drives me insane is competing in Victim Olympics. I talk about this in the introduction of my new edition of my book. You know, you get these folks on Reddit. Oh, investing must be nice. I can't even afford $2 for a cardboard box. And then it just reinforces. People on social media and Reddit are the worst. It becomes a downward spiral. You want to have an upward spiral. Wow, you got an A studying. Awesome. I also got an A. Here's what my strategy was. Oh, my God, you're going on vacation there. How'd you do that? Oh, let me share what we did. Oh, my God. This is what you can do. I'll do that. Let me take that back. I'll talk to my partner. Those are supportive relationships. These losers on social media who are competing and who can become the biggest victim are not the kind of people you want to be listening to. Half of you watching or laughing. But you actually are going to close this window after you're done and go back to social media and then revel in all the people who are talking about how bad they have it now. I don't want to be a bit of a hypocrite, but I do love Reddit. So I do need to admit that. So maybe actually when I say you guys, I mean all of us are going to close this window soon and go to Reddit. Yeah, Subreddit. Am I the asshole? Relationships, Relationship advice. I know them all. Choosing beggars. That's one of my favorites. All right, what am I saying? Read it or don't. I don't care. Cass, do we have any questions or comments?

Okay, let's see. Gonna scroll through.

While Cass is looking that up, let me give you a suggestion for how can you avoid some of these mistakes? The easiest way is to find people 10 years older than you, who you admire and ask them what the biggest mistakes they made or what mistakes should you avoid. Now, if your reaction to that is, I don't have anybody who I admire, then you need to find some. But many of you do. You just never thought, maybe it's your aunt, maybe it's your mom and dad's family friend. Who cares? It's not weird. Text them, email them, Facebook, message them. Hey, I would love. You know, I've been working on self development during this time and I'd love to spend 15 minutes asking you some questions. People love talking about themselves.

Okay, so some life mistakes, not paying myself first and starting investing early. I don't think that's a mistake.

They made it late.

Yeah. Okay. Put in money at Amway.

Oh, that's a horrible mistake. Mlm. Stop. Any of you. There's nobody watching who does an mlm. Come on. I don't think so.

Taking out as much in federal loans as I could for grad school, that's a.

That can be a mistake sake. Okay.

Investing my life savings in two businesses that both failed.

Yeah, that's. Ah, damn. These are. All right, keep going. These are pretty candid. Oh, that's all. All right. All right, so. So what? What am I going to do?

Oh, questions.

Oh, yeah, let me look through. What questions do you have about avoiding life mistakes? Mostly tonight I've just made fun of various social media, so I'm not sure how much advice I can give you, but I'll try.

How do you identify a mistake as opposed to bad luck?

It's never bad luck. Always take responsibility. It's never bad luck. It's your fault. If you go through life saying it's my fault, then that will be a completely different way of looking at it. I don't know any successful person whose first question is, was it bad luck? It doesn't right now. The stuff that's going on is so Crazy. It's my responsibility as CEO of I will teach you to be rich, to figure out what to do. And if I can't figure that out, I fail. That's when you know you're the boss, whether it is of a company or your own life. I can't control that. But I don't bother worrying about or assigning blame to luck. No. Successful people never think about that. Now, I will say that when something good happens, I think thoughtful people say, you know what that was a result of hard work, good strategy, good team, and a lot of luck. And I will certainly acknowledge that on the upside. But I think if you want to grow and become more successful when things are not going well, it's not bad luck, it is you. So take responsibility. Even if you don't have to. You. You will find that that will completely transform the way you look at the world.

What do you wish you had spent more time on earlier?

The softer, softer skills, Fitness. I thought, you know, jocks. And look at what I'm drinking tonight. This is a protein shake. This is a very timely thing. I literally thought protein shakes were just for jocks. And the way I was raised, going to the gym was like, not really something that we did. In fact, if anything, it was like kind of like beneath me. And that's not right. I actually wish that I had learned how to deadlift when I was 18. I would be so. I saw this kid, remember that hotel we went to?

Yeah.

This freaking kid was like 13 years old and he was throwing a Frisbee. I'm like, this kid has.

He was ripped.

He had lats like you wouldn't believe. I'm like, if I fucking started doing all these workouts, my lats would be so big.

I was like a 24 pack.

I was so pissed. This 13 year old kid and I was like, oh, so that's how, that's how kids end up being super ripped when they're like 18. They're already ripped at 13. Ah, all right. Did I answer that question?

Yeah. Can you recommend any books regarding avoiding life mistakes?

No. Go read Charlie Munger's speeches. And this isn't a thing that you can just look at books for. You guys. Sometimes you got to live it. The best thing you can do is take a hard look in the mirror and ask yourself, what mistakes have you made over the last three years? That is the hardest thing of all. Notice it's easy to go out and buy a book. Stop. We don't need a book for this. Take a hard look Inside post it right now. What is truly the mistake you made? See, it's easy if it's something egregious like got into 30k of credit card debt, got addicted to drugs, those are very obvious. It's much harder to say, I have a pattern of choosing the wrong partner. I've made bad decisions because I wanted results too quickly. I have somebody right now who's Instagram DMing me. And she's like, can you recommend a trading platform? I'm going to do trading. And I'm like, why? Where did you get this from trading? And she's like, I follow this person and that person and this person and that person. And I was like, listen, I'm gonna give you my personal feedback. I'm like, you're about to. You've made a bad decision somewhere along your research and you've fallen into the wrong hole. She's effectively gotten into the wrong crowd and picked a gang. And this gang of unscrupulous idiots online is telling her to do trading. Trade, trade. I said, trading is a great way if you want to lose a lot of money. So I said, I would recommend that you zoom back up. Focus on long term, low cost investing. If you want to start a business, fine, don't even use my stuff. Go look at other people's stuff. Look at the research. But it's much harder to look in the mirror and say, dang, I have a deeper problem of I don't speak up for myself, I don't set boundaries, I make bad decisions, I get misled by unscrupulous people. That is way harder than buying a book. That's why I'm telling you to do it.

Okay, we just had a question come in. How did you deal with friends who didn't want to see you become more successful than themselves?

So I've had a lot of people in my life who have told me their stories. I have to first say that my friends have been mostly awesome. Okay, Mostly awesome. And there's a couple things that I noticed. One, when we were in high school together, I had a good group of friends and we were all. Remember how I talked about that upward spiral we had that we would all push each other to get better. What's interesting is that we were pretty competitive because we all had the same classes. But as I went into college, everybody kind of went into their own direction, their own majors and minors and whatever. So it was hard to be competitive when you're all doing your own thing. And in life, I found that to be even more True, right. There is nobody else who's an Indian online guy who talks about personal finance and self development and business. There's nobody. And what I will say is that when I started off at my most vulnerable, when I had graduated college, I was renting a room in a house full of three or four other guys working from home. I made $11,000 that first year. And I remember some of my friends saying, when are you going to get a real job? Like, you know, enough of this kind of like startup stuff. And that really hurt because the truth is I didn't even know if that startup that I was working on was going to succeed. So in my head, what could I say? I don't even know. Half the time I was like, maybe they're right. I was going to Google and I would get free lunch there because my friends would treat me. I would do that like three or four times a week. I was like, thanks, Google. But that is when you're at your most vulnerable. And so I think I would say a couple of things. First of all, the normal tendency is for people to fight back. Yeah. And especially if it's your parents, you revert into childhood.

Yeah.

You, you don't understand. I'm trying. You've accepted the premise that is your first mistake. A better answer is to use the verbal judo technique that I teach in my how to talk to anybody course. So instead, if your mom or dad or friend says, you know, this is stupid, when are you going to get a real job or whatever? Why are you working out like this? You can't lose weight. It's all genetics bullshit. You can say something like, you know what? I'm not sure if this thing is going to work out. I figure it's worth a try, but I really am not sure. And I'm going to give it a shot. I got to ask you a question. If you were in my shoes and you had to make this work, how would you do it? Boom. You've now co opted them. Instead of them being an adversary and becoming more and more entrenched, look at that subtlety. You've simply turned the whole thing. And now they have to think how they would succeed. Suddenly they've become. They've come on your side. So there are lots of ways you can do that instead of fighting back.

Okay. Oh, can I just say one thing about that question too? Yeah. So I've experienced that.

Okay.

Tell us in my life. And I think the only right answer is to not have them around.

So give us, can you give us any More details.

Um, so, yeah, there were periods in my life when I worked in corporate land, when I was doing amazing things at my job and crushing all my goals, and people were not happy for me.

How did that manifest?

They were short with me. They didn't say, congratulations, good job. You just. I just felt it. I felt it. And I'm not friends with them anymore.

Was there a formal moment where you said, we're through?

No. Okay. It was a slow drift.

Slow drift. So what you said really resonates with me that they were short with you. People will rarely come out and say something like, you're making me uncomfortable because you're so successful and I'm not, or I'm uncomfortable with your choices about counting your macros or working out or starting a business, because it makes me feel. Nobody will ever say that. Right.

Yeah.

What will they do instead?

Well, they'll be short with you. Ignore you, dismiss you.

Yeah.

They'll do everything but to talk to you. It actually got to the point where like, these people wouldn't even look at me.

Wow.

Which is crazy. And yes, the woman who asked us says, I think it's more common among women. And I totally agree with that.

Really?

Yes, absolutely.

See, there's a whole world that I'm missing as a guy, and I appreciate you sharing that example. It sounds like it resonates with some folks on the call tonight.

And what do you say? You're the. I've heard you say you're the average of five people you hang out with. Like, you don't got time to hang out with. Negative Nancy's.

Jim Rohn's amazing quote. Jim Rohn is a classic self development expert. He's so good. He's on Spotify. I would highly encourage you to listen to him, Rohan. And when he. When he said that phrase, you are the average of five people. I think that's hard for people to internalize because the first thing that people react to, which I did when I first heard it, was, are you saying that I have to get rid of my old friends? And. No, that's not it. I have friends from childhood who are my friend. They're not entrepreneurs, but they're still my friends. But then I added more and slowly drifted or even formally cut off some people in the rare case that just weren't serving me. They were negative or they were energy vampires, that kind of thing.

Yeah. I feel like we could do a whole episode about that.

Yeah.

Okay, let's see. All right, next question. Wow. We're going over it tonight. But this is good. Okay, what's the most important, important skill for success?

I don't know. Resilience. That's something you and I have talked about. Yeah, we talked about that. In terms of parenting, we talked a lot. Cass and I talked about how did we become resilient? Because we do, on a daily basis, encounter things that are. That are challenging, at least at work. So I, like. It's funny, I have this phrase about how there are things that I encounter at work that would have crushed me four years ago, and now it's just a Tuesday. And any entrepreneur will understand what this means, because when you start off, things like, I don't know how to align my text on my website can actually make you cry.

Yes. That was me in my first year. I'll admit it.

We're gonna do a whole episode on that. Okay, that's a. Oh, my God. Okay. But. But then, you know, you. You grow your business, you become a little bit more confident, and now you have bigger problems. So, you know, oh, wow, my latest program didn't launch, or we have cash flow issues or whatever. Those are big problems. And the alignment on your website is like nothing. You don't even think about it, and.

No one else does.

Yeah. Thank you so much. I think that resilience of learning how to build it. We did speak about this a couple of episodes ago about. You learn resilience in a structured training program where you try something, fail, try it again, get better, and slowly push yourself. And whether that is learning how to swim or learning business, that is a great way to build resilience.

What helps you embrace past mistakes instead of dwelling on them? Oh.

I don't know what changed for me, because I dwelled on my mistakes a lot. Everything from laying down on my pillow and just thinking about the socially awkward conversations that I had had that day in college. Or I mean, just all of it. The dwelling that, why didn't I do this? And then the actual physical cringe when you think about some things you said, it's, like, awful. I don't know what changed. I can't remember. But now I find power in acknowledging them and just making fun of them. Like, to me, the greatest. I admire people who come out and they just make fun of themselves. You're like, what can you say to this person? It's like, they already are making fun of everything they know about themselves. They own it. And, you know, what's that best? What's that 8 mile movie? You guys remember the scene, the rap scene? And he's like, he just automatically makes fun of everything that that other guy was gonna do. The guy has nothing else left to say. If you don't know what I'm talking about, this makes no possible sense. Just go on YouTube and search for 8 Mile Rap Battle. It's awesome. All right, so that was an unsatisfying answer.

I also think time because. So with my website.

Yeah. Are you gonna tell the story right now?

Yeah, I'll tell it. Yeah. So in my first year of business, I didn't know how to build a website. So I went straight to Squarespace and spent hours building this website. And one night I was up late, probably like 10 or 11, and I was on the verge of tears. I was almost gonna cry because I could not left justify my copy. And then you came over. Why don't you tell the rest of this story?

No, you tell it. This is great.

So you came over and you were very confused because I. Because I look like I was gonna cry. And then you were like, what? What's wrong? What's going on? And then I said, it's not left justified. And now over to.

Wait, what happened? Then finish the story. Oh, well, you.

You made me feel a lot better. You sat with me and you. You asked questions and stuff, and then you said, let's close a computer. It's late. Let's revisit tomorrow. Which was a good, good piece of advice.

The advice of sometimes the best thing you can do is just go to sleep and come back in the morning.

Yeah, I think that's a pattern for me, actually.

Oh, yeah. Are you zooming in on yourself right now? You better be doing that zoom thing. Oh, my God, babe. But, like, so in retrospect now, looking back, what do you think was going on there?

Oh, gosh. It was so silly of me to agonize over that. Like, no one cared. Like, not one person ever said anything. Anything about it. It was only me that was putting the pressure.

Yeah.

On myself.

You know, it's actually scary for a lot of people to. To potentially realize that the thing you have been worrying about for the last five years actually doesn't matter at all. You know, I'm obsessed over this last ten pounds. I'm obsessed over my left justification. I'm obsessed because my headshot isn't great. I'm upset, whatever. And to realize through data. You have data from a lot of customers who have visited you, your site. Not one person has ever said, what would it feel like if you realized that the thing that you've been worrying about the one thing that's been holding you back for years actually doesn't matter at all. I think for most people, it's actually so scary that they would rather hold on to that fear than to put it aside and move forward. And that is what stops many people from moving forward. So thanks for sharing your story.

Yeah. Okay, we'll do two more questions.

Okay.

How much patience or forgiveness can you have for your partner's life?

Mistakes I haven't had to encounter that. So what do you think?

I don't know. It depends what it is. She didn't detail, but it's a pretty.

I think that's case. By case, I mean, let's say they're. Let's say they're in $80,000 of debt. That's possibly what this person might be referring to, I'm gonna guess.

But was it student loan debt or was it just like shopping debt?

Yeah, that's. That's a question. And, and also, more importantly, what are they doing about it now if the problem, number one is if they don't recognize it's a problem, if they're like, oh, whatever, yeah, it's fine, like, we'll figure it out. That's a big time red flag. Two is do they have the skills and capability to follow through? Like, can they make a plan and follow through on it? And if those things are not being met, then that's really difficult. If, on the other hand, someone has made mistakes but is really recognized it, owned it, taken responsibility, and they're, you know, maybe it's going to take them a few years longer to pay it off or whatever than before. That, I think, is something that can be discussed and, you know, hopefully come to some sort of agreement on. But I think where it becomes difficult is if that person doesn't even acknowledge it was a problem, they don't make a plan and, or they don't follow through.

All right, last question. How do you identify the right person to listen to?

There is no magic. There's no magic answer for that. But that's where your judgment comes into play. So let me put it this way. I have bought many, many, many programs and books, and I've attended conferences. Not all of them were great. There were a few that were just downright the wrong ones to buy. The larger point is that I'm not afraid to try different sources of information because I trust myself enough to know that I will parse out the bad people, kick them to the curb, and I will trust the good people and go deeper with them. So first step is actually trusting yourself that if you buy a book or a course or you listen to somebody, they're not going to magically hypnotize you into doing something. The second thing is you really need to develop a worldview. And this is very difficult. It's hard to explain here, but like my worldview tells me that flipping houses for the most part is bullshit. And it also tells me that buying a house and thinking it's a great investment is often, not always, but often not a great investment. Same with Bitcoin. That is why in my mental framework I looked at, I'm like, this does not meet the definition of a good long term investment. What is your worldview? It doesn't have to be around investing. It could be around parenting or your family. It could be around fitness. A lot of people have very sophisticated frameworks there, but this is a hard one. I guess the major point is keep looking for someone who first of all, you admire. When I see people, they're chasing around these Internet marketers who take all these photos on a boat, you know, it's like, do you really genuinely admire that or is that just a shortcut for success? Be honest. Deep down, you know if there's someone you trust or someone you don't. So then once you find a few people you admire, try them out. Buy a book, buy a course. Like, don't make buying a tiny thing such a big deal. Just buy it. $10. Ramit's book buying rule. Try it out. And then once you find someone you respect, trust, and has helped you do as much as you can to absorb everything they've got, that's what I've done with my mentors. It has changed my life. That's what a lot of students have done with me and I think it's changed their lives. So that would be my suggestion to you now. Final thought, first of all, tag a friend right now if they should watch this. I think we've covered a lot of meaty topics tonight. How to avoid life mistakes. We've talked about speeches you can look up. We talked about what do you do if you can't forgive your partner. We've talked about why I'm not allowed to post a video of a toilet on my Instagram account. Boy, this is the worst summary ever.

And you threw a fedora.

And I did dance to it with a fedora on. Oh, yeah. Guys, let's bring it back to the major point here. If you wear a fedora, we now know that that is a life mistake that we will not soon duplicate or replicate. Get rid of them. My friends, we talked about the victim culture. We talked about Reddit and social media. And who are you surrounding yourselves with now? I have a couple of requests for you tonight. First off, I have a couple of journalists that are looking to feature you. These are national journalists. I need stories of IWT readers who are who used to be in major debt and have used my material to pay off that debt and transform your life. Whether it's tons of money in your investment account, whether it's being able for you to work from home or your partner or whatever, I need your stories. Send me an email. Ramit sethiwillteachytoberich.com subject line all caps Media transformation story okay. I'm also looking for people who have used my material who are people of color. I'm specifically looking for you as well. Please send me your story about using my money. Same thing and send it to me. Ramit Sethi@iwillteachyoubrich.com so tag a friend. Send them this video. I also cross post these on YouTube.com ramit sa@ and I have a newsletter with 300,000 plus subscribers. You can sign up@iwt.com I will see you tomorrow night.

Wait, do the outro. Oh this is the most important part. And the song. And then. Get up and walk off.