“He earned $17k last month. Why are we fighting over $14?”

There's so much generic advice when it comes to personal finance. You know my philosophy. I'd rather just show you people's real numbers. So this Saturday I'm going to give you three examples of real couples spending. I'm talking about real numbers, including how much they make, their debt and what they are spending their money on. And then I'm going to tell you what I would do if I were in their situation. You and I don't need more generic tips. We need to see real numbers. This Saturday, August 19th, you can get this newsletter only@iwt.com podcastnewsletter and once it goes out, it will not go out again. Get this newsletter@iwt.com podcastnewsletter.

I created Momentum for the life that we live and I had two kids and I invested in you. And I clean the house and I do the laundry and I do. I carries so much of this invisible burden. So I'm spending, spending, spending. We lost everything in la. I then get pregnant when everything settles down. We have nowhere to live, we have no cars. There's so many good things that have manifested in these last two years. Like I don't, I don't, like, I don't know how to fit into it.

Rick, what do you think about that? Everything you just heard?

I've been wanting to say that for the longest and didn't want to upset her, so I kept my mouth closed.

Tell her now. Now that the seal has been broken.

It's extremely hard to feel appreciated when I'm not being appreciated. It's very emasculating when you.

Wait, wait, wait, where's this coming from? Hold on. What did you hear her say just now? I was actually blown away at that exchange. Kara was opening up, being very honest about how she's feeling and Drake went right into how he feels. Let me rewind. Kara and Drake are 38 and 37. They've been together for 13 years. They've been married for two. They have a one year old and a one month old baby. Now in our conversation, there are so many layers that we're going to cover. We're going to talk about gender expectations, we're going to talk about how they're both entrepreneurs with spiky incomes. And we're going to go into money and identity. Listen in as I speak to Kara and Drake.

It was the middle of the week. I was pregnant, eight months pregnant, dealing with having a very recent pregnancy. So it was a challenging pregnancy for me, physically, mentally, emotionally. And Drake and I had an argument we had an epic argument that escalated very, very quickly. It was about budgeting. We were trying to figure out, you know, how we're going to pay for our daughter's school the next week and, you know, trying to plan out for the finances in the future. And I remember the argument, Drake, was specifically about his contribution to the monthly finances. And I lost my. I went from zero to a hundred in, like, two seconds whenever his response to me was like, well, I'm doing my best, or I'm trying, you know, I'm asking for specifics. Like, well, when is this client going to pay you? Or when are you going to get, you know, this? Or have you talked about that? And I just, like, lost my mind. And I got very angry and very upset. And then he got very triggered. And so it turned into like, you know, a 10 out of 10 couples argument. And I took my big, pregnant, emotional self, got in the car and drove off. I went and I parked in a Chick Fil a parking lot. I sat there and I cried a lot. And I was trying to, like, bring my emotions down. And so I opened up my phone. I was scrolling, and I believe it was an email from you, which I subscribed to after watching the Netflix show, even though I had read your book previously. So I'm scrolling, I get an email from Ramit. I'm like, bam, I'll read this. And then at the bottom I see like, hey, Dan and Stacy were fighting over so and so and so. And so. I help couples with this sort of thing. I was so emotional, so rageful, mad. I was just desperate. So I just went on and I voice dictated my little heart out into that application and tried to be as honest as I could because I felt completely desperate. How is our marriage going to work? How are we going to have a second kid? And so I just applied with all of my intense emotion, hoping that someone would hear and someone would help. I hate to be dramatic, but, like, potentially save our marriage.

So, Drake, what do you remember about that disagreement you had when Kara went to the Chick Fil A?

I remember that we went to the grocery store and I left our joint account card in the car. I had my personal card with me. It was every intention of mine to make the purchase with my personal card and transfer the money. It was a $14 purchase. I made that purchase and Kara got mad and, like, she said, lost it. And I was confused because to me, I'm thinking, no harm, no foul, we're good, no money, lost nothing.

Okay. And Kara, what was your Perspective.

I put a lot of pressure on the budget for the last three months because I knew the baby was coming. I'd put so much pressure on the budget that he likes for me to manage. I've been nickeling and diming, and I'd been asking for months, hey, please spend from the joint account. Because I need to get an accurate idea of what our spending is. That way I can feel at least prepared for the hit that I'm going to take when the baby comes. I wanted the data and I had asked so many times, just spend from the joint account. That way I don't have to then take the transfer and allocate the transfer, and then, like, I have to play all of these charades just to collect the data. The biggest thing is that I have asked for his participation in our family finances. If you can just spend from the joint account, then I can get the data. It's $14. It's like, just spend it from the joint account. Just bring your card with us. Do you know what I mean? Like, it's not that big of a deal. It's like one decision in your head to say, I will take this card in and pay with it or I will use this Apple pay. Does that make sense?

Yeah.

Very annoyed.

Drake. What do you think?

I see her perspective, and I also am blessed to have add. And I don't focus on the minute details. I just don't the way my mind works. Let's relate it to music. Whenever I create a song, I hear the complete song in my head before I even start. And that's the way I approach life. So I see the complete idea. And in this situation, the complete idea was, we're going grocery shopping, not, let me make sure I have this card. It's a blessing creatively to have add. It is. However, when trying to be a father and a husband and a business owner, it is not. It is extremely hard, as I've said.

So. So how'd you resolve that? So he spent 14 bucks out of his personal. And then what happened?

I cried. I was like, I lost it.

Were you crying at the grocery store.

In the parking lot?

Yes. Okay.

Okay.

And I. And I was like, you don't love me. You don't care about me. And, like, I'm being very transparent with you. Like, I don't think you have any children yet. So I don't. Okay. Pregnancy hormones are a thing. And on top of that, I'm already a sensitive, emotional reactive person. And so my mind goes straight to the worst case scenario. So I'm crying. I'm losing it. We take distance after the fight, right? I mope, he mopes. One of us comes back and says, hey, sorry about this thing that happened. You know, I'll try to do better. And, yeah, it's not that big of a deal. You can transfer the $14 and I can reallocate it. So we always come back to a place of, like, clarity.

How often do you fight about money?

I would say all the time.

How many times a week?