Ramit Sethi argues confidence is learnable, not innate. Change your posture and how you speak first, and the feeling follows. He shows a 20-second technique and asks you to pick three concrete changes: how you dress, what you eat, how you introduce yourself.
There are some people around us who just seem like they are born with natural confidence. You know who I'm talking about? They're super smooth, super confident, they always know the right thing to say. Think about President Obama, he just seems like a smooth guy. Think of one of his famous yes we can rally speeches. Not being political here, just talking about his oratorical skills. What do you notice about how he speaks? He's powerful, he's decisive, he speaks slowly and almost never stumbles or stutters. His points are clear and they're to the point. He's the epitome of confidence when it comes to a speaker on stage. So when you look at somebody like him, it's very easy to assume that he has some innate ability that he was born with. Either you have it or you don't. But the truth is confidence is a skill. And President Obama, just like all confident people, built that skill. He practiced it over a lifetime. It's like when you see a comedian telling this hilarious three minute joke with the perfect punchline. Seems like they just came up with that right there. But the truth is they've practiced that joke hundreds of times in tiny comedy clubs before you ever saw it. Everything down to those perfect pauses and those off the cuff laughs. Every single thing has been practiced and perfected. In fact, they've done it so many times that they know it's going to land a huge laugh. So their delivery just oozes natural self confidence. What I like to do is peel back the curtain, go behind the scenes and realize that confidence is something you actually can control if you know how. So here's a simple example of how you can control your confidence in less than 20 seconds. Take something you routinely say, like what you did this weekend, and change the way you say it. I want you to channel your inner super confident person. It could be Barack Obama, it could be Susan Sarandon, it could be whoever you want. Don't focus on who it is. Don't even worry about what you say. Instead focus on changing how you say it. Sit up straight, speak slowly and imagine what you're saying is incredibly important because the people listening want to hear it. Let me show you an example. A little before and after. Yeah, I can't even remember. I mean, I think it was pretty good. It was actually pretty crazy. But I just went to a movie and saw some friends, you know, the usual, I guess. Now let's compare the after. We had a great weekend. I was with the kids on Saturday, then Michelle and I caught a Broadway show and finished the night at that new sake bar downtown. Now, what'd you notice? Notice first, that I'm intentionally using someone else to role play. This really lets us get into play acting without worrying about our own life. Our own Saturday. Ooh, maybe I don't have as cool of a life as going to a sake bar. Don't worry about that. All we're doing here is working on our delivery. So what happened in the before and after example? The obvious difference is that I sounded way more confident. But it goes a lot deeper. By speaking this way, I. I also felt more confident. To put it another way, I made an external change to how I sat and how I spoke, and I was actually able to influence my internal state. So sitting up straight and changing how I spoke made me feel more confident. The external influences the internal. This is a totally different way of looking at things. Behavior first, attitude second. Remember, nobody sees inside of you. They don't see how confident you are, how much work you spent practicing. All they see is the way you answer a question or the way you sit when you're talking to them. So when it comes to confidence, confidence can actually come from the outside in, not just from the inside out, which is what everybody tells you. So instead of waiting for it to just magically appear, where's my confidence? Where is it? We're actually changing our behavior. Something everyone can do. And we're letting the confidence follow. The external influences, the internal. And once you master this concept, you can apply it to a lot more than just how you speak and how you sit. Couple of examples. What are you wearing today? Oh, something a little more upscale. I wonder how you'll feel. When I started dressing better, people would say something like, wow, you look great. And guess what? It made me feel great. What are you going to order today? When you go out to eat something healthy. Hmm. I wonder if that might affect the way you think about yourself. How are you going to introduce yourself? What if someone says, I'm Mike. I work at insurance company? Boring, right? Yes, that is boring. I don't want to talk to you anymore, Mike. But what if Mike watches this and he says, I'm Mike? You know when people call up their insurance company and they find that one person who's amazing on the phone, that's me. That is a total transformation. Your takeaway today is to identify three things that you can change that would make you feel. Feel more confident. Write them down, leave a comment, stick them to your desk, and start changing your behavior. And watch that confidence follow. And don't forget to share them in the comments below.
