Ramit Sethi answers a viewer (Jennifer) about how to network when one’s contacts seem “functionally useless” and whether using connections feels like cheating. He reframes networking as cultivating relationships and adding value—giving first, asking for advice, following up, and offering help—illustrated with his own background and concrete tactics like coffee meetings and staying top-of-mind.
This is from Jennifer. Jennifer asks, I know all the career guides say to network to find a job. How are we supposed to do that if our network consists of friends from college, 22 year old, recent college grads who are at the bottom of their company's totem pole, or as I call functionally useless, and a lot of retired people, half of the companies they work for don't even exist anymore. Also, how do I get over this feeling that networking is cheating? Those who were from well off families are more likely to have a relative who knows CEOs, VPs and the like, while those of us who weren't do not. Okay, first of all, I want to take that second question first because I think it's so psychologically interesting. I was working with someone to help her find her dream job and she has a very connected family. She refused to use her network. She said like I want to do this on my own, etc. And what I told her, I waited patiently until she was ready. She got a little frustrated in her job search and I finally said, look, top performers know that the people around them help them. So if you have access to these people, cultivate relationships with them. Don't go in there and just say what can you give me? That's not networking, but cultivate relationships and if you've got an advantage, use it. People are going to do that and if you don't like that, too bad. That's the way the world works now. When I started off going to college, you know, I came from this very middle class family. We had no connections to go to Stanford. I busted my ass with a lot of luck and also hard work. I got in again, still had no real connections. Made connections by making friends with people, by adding value to people's lives, by helping them out. When I graduated, I made phone calls, two phone calls and I had two job offers, things like that. That was because I had spent years helping other people out, adding value, doing that kind of stuff and that they knew that I could perform, I could deliver, etc. That is networking where you give, give, give and maybe somehow, possibly one day it comes back to you. Now, okay, how do you do that? A lot of networking is simply letting people know that you are dependable, reliable and getting at their top of mind. So the way I like to do it is to start off by doing coffee shop meetings with people, ask for advice, follow up and let them know that I took their advice and then keep pinging them at random intervals to, to say, is there any way I can help you out. Now, honestly, chances are you probably can't help them out right now. But it's good to know that you're willing to do it. And maybe there are other ways you can help them out. When I talk to people, I'm always listening for what it is. That's what's like the challenge in their life. It may have nothing to do with growing their online business. Alright, maybe I could help with that. But it's not that. It's maybe something like, you know, my kid's having trouble like doing his college applications. Well, guess what, I did my college applications pretty well. Maybe I could help with that. There are lots of ways you can help. Networking is fundamentally about helping someone else before you ever go back and ask for something else. Now I've already told you, you have all these people in your network that you've probably never talked to. Talk to them. The other thing is take advice or, excuse me, start reaching out to understand the lay of the land. You mentioned that your friends you think are basically useless and they're too old or too young. So why don't you go find people who work at these companies who or used to work there and take them out for coffee and ask them for their advice. You don't have to ask them for a job. In fact, you shouldn't ask them for their advice. And as you start to do this, you're going to learn a lot more about who you can help and who eventually, someday may help you.
