A parent keeps giving cash to their 36-year-old child for gas and everyday expenses. Ramit Sethi calls it an ATM relationship and warns that parents who fund dependent adults risk financial strain in retirement while their kids never learn to work.
I get a text. I have to go pick up my daughter. Can you give me some gas money? And then I do.
How old is this person?
36.
What the fuck? Do you know nobody in my life would text me for money like that? That is not the relationship that I have allowed myself to be in.
Nah, I, I'm an ATM.
Yes. And instead of love, it's money. What if you just didn't reply? Honestly, what would happen?
Maybe next time he'll figure it out.
You all have heard these stories about parents get to be 80 years old, they have no money, they're living in a trailer. Maybe there's one or two responsible siblings and they're going, Mom, Dad, you don't understand. When you die, this guy doesn't know how to hold down a job. He hasn't had a job in 45 years. And Mom and Dad don't know how to deal with this. They have a deep, dawning realization that they have truly screwed up their kids, but they don't know what to do because now it feels too late. They are embedded, entrenched. How far are we away from that, from that happening right now?
That's our story, isn't it? Pretty much, yes.
