“I survived a plane crash. Is stressing about money worth it?”

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On today's episode, he lives in fear of everything. All the what if I don't want.

To be like my parents? And unless I start working on it right now, I'm we're going to be right there.

Meet Ryan and Chloe.

The narrative in my household was always, you need to study hard and get a great job and you'll be rewarded. And so far that has come through.

Ryan is 38 and he's a pilot in the Air force. Chloe is 33 and she's an economist. And they struggle to spend even though they're on track to have millions of dollars in retirement.

I'm going to save, save, save at the expense of my own happiness. That's the narrative that has followed him.

I like the way we live. I just want to make sure we can keep it up.

Chloe wants Ryan to stop criticizing every purchase she makes.

I want to be trusted, and I want you to assume the best intent.

And stop stressing about his looming retirement from the military.

If I don't get a career that makes the same income level where we're at, then we can't live at the same style.

Can Ryan master his money psychology so he and Chloe can start enjoying their rich life? Right now?

I don't know how to change my view and I don't want to be 65 years old and we're sitting on $15 million.

Let's meet Ryan and Chloe.

All right, I am going to be speaking to Chloe and Ryan. Chloe's 33. Ryan is 38. The key issue is they have a difference in opinion of money. Chloe wants to live, as she calls it, the high life, private school, etc. For the kids. She says that Ryan Chicken Littles his way through life. Okay, this was all set off when he met her parents and considered their spending irresponsible. All right, let's look at the CSP. Not again. $2 million in net worth and they're in their 30s. And okay, all right, this is the kind of conversation I'm going to be having today. All right, $1.7 million of that is investments. So we're not even talking about the house. They have $1.7 million in their 30s. All right, okay, look at the income. $31,000 a month, $379,000 a year. Okay. Fixed costs at 49%. Fine. Investments are at 28%. That's 28% of $379,000. Savings at 6%. But they already have $90,000 saved, and guilt free spending is 17%. All right, well, I don't think we're even spending too much numbers today. So some guesses before I get into the conversation. Obviously this has some connection to the way that they were raised with money. Looking at $2 million of net worth, of which 1.7 is liquid investments, probably, you know, we're talking about tens of millions of dollars here. So this is obviously not simply about money. I do look forward to talking to them. I think each story is unique. And for me, the valuable thing about conversations like this is that a lot of my readers and my viewers are going to end up in a position where they have more money than they ever thought they would. And a lot of people, when they get to that point, they're going to realize whether it's 2 million, 5 million, 20 million. Oh, my God. I'm starting to sound like the people on Ramit's podcast. That is because just having more money doesn't necessarily make you feel better about it. So one of the reasons that we get the chance to talk to folks who have a lot of money, one, we have access to them. They trust me. Two, it really shows you a crystal ball into your future. So let's see what Chloe and Ryan have to say.

We have this looming retirement date that's hanging over us, and it's bringing up a lot of fear for Ryan. It's bringing up a lot of feelings of excitement and looking forward to the future for me. But I feel like I'm being reined back a little bit because of that fear, and that's that constant give and take that we have had in our relationship for the past 12 years. I get excited about the future. Buying a different house, moving to a new location. I love to look at real estate. I love to look at what I could potentially live in and picture myself there. And I like to dream long term. And then I'm always reminded of, but we don't need that. We could live in a square box and be fine and look at how much we could save and how much we could invest if we did that. So it's always this give and take of I want. But Ryan is always very realistic with, but do you need it?

Ryan, how would you characterize your role when it comes to money in your relationship and Chloe's as well?

I set the limit, right? Chloe dreams. And I'm like, okay, well, here's where we're really going to be at, right? You want that size of a house? I don't think we need that big. Let's cut back to this size. And then Chloe kind of goes into the defense mode. And so it's almost like I'm the Debbie Downer on the aspect of the money aspect and saying, where are we at? Did we pay attention to the budget? And did you. Do you think you really are holding to the standard of what we expect with spending?

Do you like being Debbie Downer? No.

And no matter how hard I try, I think I do it to Chloe quite a bit. Question being like, did. Did we really need that?

How many times a week do you think you say that?

Oh, gosh, it's probably once, once a week or or so. Just recently you came back from Target or Walmart, and I was like, wow, how much did we get there? Like, what all did you need to get? And in reality, like, it's all stuff that we needed, but I see extra bags and I'm like, did we really need all that?

Okay, Ryan, what's your take on the difference between needing something and getting it just because you want it?

That's hard. Like a need is the. The basic needs, right? And food, water, shelter, and anything past that is a. Is an expanse. Want.

Chloe, how many times a week do you think that Ryan says, do we need that?

I would say it's probably three or four times a week.

Wow. Everybody noticed it went from one to four. Kind of a magic number. I don't know if you noticed, but when people talk about eating out, whatever number they first tell me they do per week, you always triple it to get the real number. In this case, quadruple it. All right, what do you make of that?

At least once or twice a week, Ryan is locking in and saying, $200 at Walmart. What'd you get? And I'm like, oh, yep, it was this, this, and this. But I immediately get put on the defensive. And we've had this argument conversation many times. And he's like, I'm just making sure that the card wasn't stolen. Or nothing got charged that we weren't expecting. But for me, I immediately jump onto the defense of, well, now I have to defend everything that I've purchased, and I don't like that.

Just out of curiosity, you two have been together 12 years, right?

Right.

Okay. In that time, how many times has your credit card been stolen?

Not zero.

Hmm. Can't. Can't be too safe, huh?

Never. Never too safe.

The credit card, obviously, is just a tiny symptom of something much larger that's going on, but it's good to know what just happened. That's. That's quite revealing. Chloe, how would you characterize your role when it comes to money in this relationship?

I am an equal breadwinner, Ryan, and I bring home about the exact same income. I can spend equally because I earn equally. I don't need to report to anybody. I don't need to be responsible to anyone other than myself. And I want to be trusted. And I want you to assume the best intent, that I'm not just going to go buy something frivolously. That's not my personality, and he knows that.

Ryan said that. He is kind of a negative. Nancy or Debbie Downer, what are you.

I'm very content with what we make and. And where we have. The lifestyle that we have right now. I just want it to continue.

You said I prefer to live a high lifestyle with nice homes and value private education for our two children, and.

We have that now.

So you're like, we live a great life.

Yeah.

And I am content continuing to live that life.

Correct.

All right. I respect it. Okay. And so you are content, and Ryan is Debbie Downer worried. Okay. Yeah. You want to stop this lifestyle, Ryan?

No, I like the way we live. I just want to make sure we can keep. Keep it up. Can you right now?

Yeah.

It all looks good.

It does.

Everything. The numbers look good.

All right, what are we doing here then?

I'm afraid that when I go to jump out of the military and if I don't get a career that makes the same income level where we're at, then we can't live at the same style.

He lives in fear of everything, all the what ifs. The sky is falling, you know, what if you don't, you know, get promoted again? What if you lose your job? What if I can't find a career? What if my pension doesn't cover what we need it to cover? What if I don't get, you know, X amount out of my pension? What if the military stops the pension? What if the 529 doesn't isn't there for us. What if the GI Bill isn't there for our kids? What if the military changes that? It's always a what if.

Okay, okay, okay. Wait. Even I'm getting exhausted just listening to. Got to be a lot. Yeah. Ryan, is this true?

I do like to think of multiple contingencies, yes. I look at, like, what are all the plans that are going to fail in this war, right? Like, what else can happen? What if Chloe lost her job where then we couldn't continue that way.

So, like, if you weren't in the military, you would have been an actuary or churn analyst for a SaaS company. Right, because they're just focused on all the things that can go wrong. Probably.

Probably Pretty good fit. Damn.

I mean, the biggest irony in that is that's my job.

What do you do?

I'm an economist.

Whoa.

I work in the actuarial department.

What? Wait, so why are we just listening to the actuary on this call? What's the problem, Ryan? Is it possible this is not simply about numbers?

Oh, yeah, it's definitely not numbers. That's why the night we sat down and we were listening to the podcast Clothes like we need to put in. Because it's has nothing to do with numbers, Ryan. And I was like, you're absolutely right, it doesn't. It has to do with my own personal feelings.

Okay, that's pretty insightful. Knowing is part of the battle. So great. I'm happy to hear that.

We've got Chloe, who's a self described dreamer, and then Ryan, who's clearly a warrior. As we heard Ryan say, he's looking ahead to his upcoming military retirement, and he's stressing about every possible outcome. That's got to be emotionally exhausting. I also noticed this very common dynamic where the husband thinks of himself as the logical partner, the one who sets the limit. She dreams, I bring her back down to earth. I hate this dynamic. I truly hate it. Which is deeply gendered and always forces the wife to defend her choices. Listen up, guys. If you're creating a culture where you are constantly questioning your wife, like literally four times a week, you're not being a good man or a good partner. And in fact, you're going to create a corrosive financial culture in your household. Men worry, but we are taught to express it in different ways. One of the ways that we do it is questioning our partner. Are you sure you need that? Because I, the logical person, surely knows better. And that is exactly what is happening. Here, if you have worries, that's fine. Deal with them, but do not take them out on your partner in a way that causes them to shrink and have to defend themselves. But I also want to recognize that Chloe and Ryan have accumulated a lot of money. And the reason I think they are such an interesting couple is that at a certain point, you might have more money than you ever thought you'd have. The question is, will you know how to enjoy it or how to use it? In fact, will you have enjoyed the process along the way? Chloe and Ryan, especially Ryan, are a crystal ball into what happens when you have a lot of money, but you can't change your feelings of scarcity and worry. I'm going to look at their CSP right up front and then we're going to spend more time breaking down what's actually happening here.

Let's look at the numbers. Ryan, will you read off the word in bold and then the full number next to it.

Assets, 965,000. Investments, we'll call it 1.8 million. Savings, 90,000. Debt is 753,000, with a total net worth of 2,073,000.

What do y' all think of those numbers in your 30s?

They're awesome.

Yeah. Whoa. We got a wealthy couple who actually feels good about their money. This is amazing. All right, good, good job so far. You got a house, great. You got 1.8 or so million in investments. That is extremely impressive. How'd you do that?

I would say a lot of this is credit to Ryan. I. Although I have an economics and finance degree, I was not savvy with ETFs or investing.

She came home one day and she's like, they've got this thing. It's like an employee stock purchase plan thing. And I was like, oh, I don't really know quite what that is. And she's like, well, it sounds like I can buy the stock at a discounted rate or something. And I'm like, wait, what?

You can do?

You can do what? So I was like, well, let's look into that. And she pulls it up and it said it buys it at a. I think it was a 15 discounted rate from the lowest price point in the six month period. And I looked at it and I was like, holy. And I looked at the. And I looked at our spreadsheet. She goes, well, I can't afford to buy that. And I go, I don't care, I can buy it. And I go, we're max. We're buying that entire thing.

I like the Excitement. What. What got you excited about that, Ryan?

Well, I knew that it would be an automatic 15% return, which on top would probably be around a 30% return, which is just going to grow. And it. It had the capability for us to pay for bulk masters that we were doing at the time and had the capability to build a better house that we were going to do. And. And if we had the. The assets to be able to put into it to build right now, then why not?

Yeah, I like that. Is, I assume part of that is responsible for the $1.8 million in investments, right?

Yeah. And I got a loan in college. It's a kind of a cool graduation loan that they give to military academies. And I put that straight into investments and let it start growing.

Ryan, how often do you log into your accounts?

Every day you log in.

What do you. What do you see when you look at the numbers?

We're doing good. We're doing a good job. And sometimes I'm like, hey, Chloe, it looks like the market did really good today.

Like, we.

We made $15,000.

Is that possible? Like, you could actually make 15k in one day from the market's movement?

Yep.

And then when you tell Chloe that that's a lot of money, obviously, you know, you're like, oh, my God, that's exciting. And when you tell Chloe that, what's her reaction?

She's like, oh, yeah, cool. Yeah, the market is doing kind of some interesting things, and she usually brings the, like, the news into what. Why she thinks that occurs.

I like it. So, all right, so you're bringing it up. Chloe's receiving it. She's amplifying it. She's coming back to you. She's saying, oh, this happened too. That seems pretty cool. How do you both feel about that conversation?

I think it's a positive conversation because we have grown financially to a point that I think Ryan has a lot of pride.

Yeah, absolutely.

Let's keep going down the income list this time. Chloe, I'd like you to read off the combined monthly income.

Gross monthly income, 31,000, 623 damn net. 25,000, pretty much.

All right, so you two make $379,000 a year. Combined, you're making 31k a month gross or 24k a month net. I mean, great. That's a lot of money. Let's just look at the expenses. Fixed costs are 49%. That's amazing. I mean, they should be relatively low because you have a very high income. But I just want to congratulate you, you've obviously done a great job keeping your costs low. I have no comments on this at all. I do want to highlight a couple of things for people listening. Your car payment is with gas and all that stuff is 905. Fine. Your private school and childcare is $4,000 a month. Fine. It's a lot of money, but you earn a lot and you obviously prioritize it.

Fine.

Dogs 150. Groceries 700. Great. And subscriptions are 422. Fine. There's nothing here that is surprising for a high income, dual income family. Your CSP leaves fingerprints. And what we see here is that you have a nice place, $4,900 a month for your mortgage and HOA. You prioritize private school and childcare. Fine. And you can afford it. Fine. And there we go. All right, let's move on to investments. You're 28% of net. That's impressive. So you are currently investing almost $7,000 a month. Great. That tied in with the amount you have. Explains why you have so much. You have high incomes and you invest every single month. And you invest a lot. That's fantastic. No comments. Savings at 6%. Relatively low. I do note that you have $90,000 in savings. So if I had to guess, I'm guessing you already have that apportioned out. Some of it's an emergency fund, some of it's a blah, blah, blah. They're nodding yes, of course. Fine. And then everything else is 17%. I typically recommend 20 to 35%. All right, fine, 17%. What is this guilt free spending of $4,318 a month? What do you spend that on?

Eating out.

Primarily 4,000 bucks on eating out. What the.

It's about we probably spend around a thousand a month on eating out.

Yeah. What's the rest?

Well, to be honest, you'll probably hate to hear this, but at the end of the year, usually what we do is whatever. The savings has grown over a certain amount. And it's not into buckets. It's not in the emergency it goes, it gets invested, which ends up usually being about another 30 to 40,000 a year.

I can't believe the positions I'm sometimes forced into. Like, people know me as like the personal finance guy and I'm like, why are you investing 40,000 extra dollars per year? You have to know how much is enough. And then we have to actually stop ourselves from simply blindly continuing to save and invest. Yeah.

Can you guys stop lying to yourselves? Putting $4,000 a month in your guilt Free spending, but it's actually only 1000. And then you just sweep the money and invest it at the end of the year. What is this, a Shakespeare play? Why are we putting on such a drama to pretend that we actually spend our money guilt free? There are lots of great things to acknowledge in their finances. Yes, they've been highly disciplined for years. They both have high incomes. Their savings and investments are in fantastic positions. And I have to note, they also can talk about the big picture, which is quite rare with couples. But they are not skilled at spending their money. Yes, spending money is a skill. The problem is that almost everybody teaches you how to save, but nobody teaches you how to spend money meaningfully. And it just happens that I love to teach this. Step one is identifying your vision so you can determine where you want to spend. In order to do this, I need to better understand who Ryan and Chloe are and what they actually think of money. Now, before we dig into that, I need a quick favor from you. Hit the subscribe button, because it really helps my team and me grow this channel.

Let's talk about your visions of money. I'm very curious. So, Chloe, you said that you had a lifestyle that you had envisioned.

Yeah.

What do you mean by that?

My parents lived in very nice houses. My dad was a contractor, so he was able to build nice houses for other wealthy people. And by virtue, we lived in those houses.

Hence the interest in real estate.

Yes, for sure.

Gotcha.

I went to private school because that was something that my mom very much valued. We traveled the world because that was also something she valued. So I lived a very, very high lifestyle from the time that I was a kid. And the narrative in my household was always, if you want to continue living this lifestyle, you need to study hard and get a great job, and you'll be rewarded. And so far, that has come true. And I hope to continue that narrative to our kids that if you want something and you are accustomed to this and this is something that you put a lot of value in, you're going to have to work for it.

I appreciate that narrative. That's a common narrative among the wealthy. They go, look, this is, of course, this is nice. Yes, it's very nice. We're. We're fortunate, et cetera, et cetera. If you want to do this, you're going to have to work. When was the first time you both talked about money? Really talked about it?

It was pretty early on, I recall. Pretty much the first time he met my parents. That was a pretty early conversation. Maybe within the first couple of months and then we took a trip a few months after that to my parents house. And I do recall Ryan pulling me aside and saying, you know, I can never give you this. And I said, I'm okay with that.

When you said that, were your fingers crossed behind your back? Come on.

Maybe. I think I took it upon myself to say, well, I'm not going to leave it all on you. Oh, I will contribute to this equally. If this is what I want, I'll make it happen myself.

That's cool. I respect that. Did you tell him that?

I think so.

Ryan, do you remember that?

I do remember. I remember specifically going to her house because her out like her parents house was beautiful and it is, it's an amazing house. You weave all the way up into the canyon.

Oh my God, I love this.

Through the gates, right?

There's a gate. Oh my God, this is so good. Okay, go on.

Big massive door, like one of the biggest doors I've ever seen on a house. And you open it up and you walk right in. It's got beautiful like timber beams and it's perfectly decorated, like pristinely decorated. We went downstairs and I was, you know, I was actually kind of like a little sad and nervous and I told Chloe, I was like, I don't think I can make this happen. I had set to do a military career and I knew that like my income potential in the military for 20 years was not going to get us to that level.

I have to say it's quite impressive that you said that. Like that takes a lot of courage, you know, to speak up, especially as a guy. You're walking into your potential in law's house and then to, to have the wherewithal to pull her aside and just kind of share your fears.

Quite courageous.

Where did that come from?

For me it's always been, I see our, a marriage as a, as a combined thing. And that's how I was raised, is both equal partners. And so I think to me part of being those equal partners is, is sharing that life and what you, your vision is of it. And I wanted to make sure we were on the same page before we started going even further.

Honestly. Very impressive. The fact that you talked about money just that simple back and forth to me is just, is really revealing and it's in a very positive way. Okay, great. I'm with you so far. What happens next? What's the next big money conversation?

When we moved in together, we decided to rent our first house together and we also got a credit card together. We Decided to put all the expenses for us living combined on the credit card. And then every month we would split it up equally and I would send money to him and then he would pay the bill. But just by virtue of that, I kind of reported to him, if you will. When it came to the end of the month, anytime. I bought something for our new house. I think bookshelves was one of them. You know, Ryan was like, do we really need that? And I was like, but it frames the TV so well. We need them.

We've established that. Do we need. Do we really need that Is Ryan's phrase of choice. Looking back. Did you really need that bookshelf?

No, it wasn't a need.

Okay. Could you afford it?

Absolutely. They were Walmart $100 bookshelves.

I'd like to understand a little bit more about the money dynamic in the household, what happens around Christmas when it.

Comes to purchases Every Christmas, I'm the primary person that does that. Ryan is very hands off when it comes to gifts. He is not a gift person. Doesn't find joy in purchasing gifts for other people. And I find a lot of joy in that. And I'm really excited for Christmas. It's probably my favorite time of year. It was a time of year when I was a kid that brought a ton of joy to me. I love it to be decorated. I just bought a new Christmas tree. This is our third Christmas tree. Now I bought it with my own money so Ryan didn't have to give me a hard time about it.

What's that about?

Early on, when we moved in together, we had what we call no questions asked accounts. And it really was intended to be no questions asked. The same amount gets deposited into those accounts at the first of every month. And we can do what we will with them, but it doesn't always turn out that way. Every time I order something, a shipment chump comes to the house. You know, Ryan says, what do you. What did you order? And he does say it half joking, but it's. There's always a little bit of truth in that. He is inquiring what I ordered and whether it was necessary and how I purchased it. And I always say, it's my no Questions asked money. You can't. Can't say anything about it. And yeah, and then the conversation usually does stop. But I use my no Questions asked money as a way of getting out of a conversation about needs versus wants.

Okay?

I use it all the time. My. My no questions asked is very low at the end of the month. Whereas Ryan I don't know how much he has in it, but I'm guessing tens of thousands because he's never spent a dime out of it.

What? Is that for real, Ryan?

Not tens of thousands, but I do not spend as much. I think the most recent thing that I bought was a leaf blower that I bought out of my nose. Questions asked.

Okay, first of all, amazing. Could not be more gendered if I tried it. The dude on this call goes, I don't really spend much, man. I'm just a simple guy. Just the last thing I got was a leaf blower. How much do you have in your no questions asked account, Ryan?

5,500.

Okay, and how about for you, Chloe?

Probably a hundred dollars.

How much do you each contribute to that account every month?

250Amonth. You have two years of expenses in there.

All right, all right, all right. I think I'm starting to understand what's going on. But, Ryan, let me ask you this. So Chloe orders whatever she wants. She has the right to. It's her money. And you both agreed it's no questions asked. But then the first thing you do is literally ask her, what's that about? Doesn't that kind of violate the rules?

Yes, but I. If an Amazon package shows up, I don't know if it came out of no questions asked money or not.

Right. So the Amazon box shows up and. And like, what goes through your head the first thing when you see that box?

Well, the first thing, I bite to try to make sure I don't ask her about it. And I can't hold back, so I say, oh, what do we buy?

Like. Like trying to be real friendly about it. Like, oh, so like, hey, what do.

We want to have for dinner?

And like, also, what's. What's that box over there? Like, real casual, right? But it never comes off casual. No.

He usually sends our five year old to say, mom, what did you order?

Whoa.

No, he does that more now on his own.

Where do you think he learned it?

He's very well. Learned that from me.

Oh, wow. He. Your. Your five year old? Yeah. Learned to be deployed and asked this question. What's that about? Hmm, that's so interesting. I wonder what will happen one day when he gets married.

I know. It'll be bad.

And when his wife brings home a box, what do you think he's going to ask her?

That's why we need to fix it now, because it'll ask the same thing, right? Yep.

I mean, all jokes aside, money messages get passed down generation by Generation. And we have the chance to change them, amplify them, alter them. And you know, I like a good joke, I love it. But probably a lot of things that could happen if he continues absorbing that.

To all the men listening, do you see how your seemingly innocent question, do we need that? Gets passed down generation to generation? Do you see how the identity you've created for yourself as the logical, reasonable guy who helps your dreamer wife stay grounded is actually an even deeper example of the problem here. What if you actually established that you and your partner both expect to have a high level of involvement in the finances? What if you had a candid series of conversations where you said, look, my expectation is that we're both partners. We design a plan together and we each take ownership of some parts of that plan and we trust each other. Of course we'll track a few key items, of course we'll review it once a year. But we are running a business together, the business of running the household. So I never want to question the areas you own, just as I know you wouldn't question my areas because we trust each other. What do you think? What do you think of that plan? What would your expectations be, guys? That is how you create a healthy culture of money in your household. Not by nitpicking on Amazon boxes, then letting your son see it. And suddenly he starts to question his mom about why she bought this. I'm getting so right now and I get even more mad when I hear Chloe describe what she spends her no Questions asked money on.

I don't spend my no questions asked money usually on anything for myself. It's usually things for the kids, matching pajamas for them that aren't a necessity or a Christmas tree or some sort of decor item.

Brian, what does it strike you hearing your wife say she doesn't even spend or guilt free spending money on anything for herself?

It is sad to hear that. A little bit on the same end. Like I don't think I spend my money on anything for myself either.

If I heard my wife say, I don't spend anything on myself and we made the kind of income that you two make, right? It would be different if we made 40 grand household income. We just don't have the money. And if my wife had had two kids and especially one recently, and if she said that, I would feel really sad and disappointed in myself, disappointed that I had not helped create the family money culture where she could get her nails done or get a candy bar or whatever, go to a movie, anything that she would want to do.

For herself. It doesn't come to my mind to spend money in that realm. I don't know. It's like a heart. It's hard to think of spending in that way.

Is it hard to think of spending money beyond what you need?

Absolutely.

When do you get to do that? How much money do you need to have?

There is no number. I don't know how to change my view. And I honestly said I don't want to be 65 years old and we're sitting on $15 million at that time. I'm not going to spend because I'm going to be the same exact way, and I won't. Out of spend.

Wow.

And it struck us, and I was like, we need help learning how to do that.

Okay, I respect that. I really do. I talk to a lot of wealthy people who struggle to spend, and I like the conversations a lot. I can understand because I grew up not wealthy. I saved, I earned a lot, I grew my business, I became wealthy. So I really understand that spectrum. But also now having money, I have learned how to spend it meaningfully. So when I talk to wealthy people who want to learn how to spend money, the sad truth is most of them don't change. So here's the thing. I'll tell you the dynamic right now. They're like, yeah, yeah, I want to learn how to spend. I go, cool, let's talk about it. And then I go through some examples, and we start putting them through some exercises, and they're like, oh, this feels really horrible. I don't like this because it makes me worry like a thousand times more than I worry. I think I'm just going to go back.