The Money Habit That Could Save Your Relationship

You are one step away from building real wealth with your partner. See, most couples avoid talking about money. The only time they talk about it is when they fight. In fact, when I ask them, when was the last time you had a fun conversation about your finances? They just stare at me. But what if your money talks could actually be fun? What if they could actually strengthen your relationships? Well, that's what happens when you start having monthly money meetings. In this video, I'm going to walk you through the exact framework that my wife and I use to check in on our finances. Without stress, without resentment, without awkwardness. So let's get started with part one. Why monthly money meetings matter. Now, I know a lot of you are thinking so weird. A monthly money meeting. That's weird. That's formal. You know what's weird? You going the next 45 years of your life arguing about the price of beef jerky. Instead of sitting down and having a regular monthly money meeting, I'm going to give you the exact agenda. Just remember that this isn't a Disney movie. You are running a business together. The business of running a household. So take this seriously. Now, I know a lot of us were never taught how to talk about money. And for a lot of couples, money conversations only really happen when there's a problem. When the credit card bill goes higher than expected, when somebody makes a big purchase, or when you're looking at your checking account, you go, where's the money? Well, that's why this system changes everything. With a monthly money meeting, you're not reacting to problems. You're actually staying ahead of them. Think about it like maintaining your car. You're checking your oil, you're rotating your tires. You're doing regular tune ups. That car is going to run smoothly forever. But if you ignore it, one day you go downstairs to your garage, smoke is pouring out of the hood. You go, what the. Is it maintenance? No, it turns out you actually just bought a Ford. Ford. Anyway, a monthly money meeting is your financial tune up. It's where you keep everything running smoothly so that you don't end up fighting about money. And when you do this right, here's what you actually get from it. Fewer fights about money. So many couples tell me we never talk about money because every time we do, we fight. Let's flip that. You're fighting because you're only talking about money when something goes wrong. With a monthly money meeting, you create a structured, neutral time to talk about money. You both know it's coming. You're both mentally prepared. It's quiet and you talk about money before it becomes a problem. No more passive aggressive comments about spending. No more surprise expenses at the worst possible time. You both have skin in the game. Raise your hand. If one person in your relationship handles all the money stuff, why the is my hand up? That's not true for me because I insisted ever since day one, I'm not going to be the money person in the relationship. Even though it would have been easy. It is a big no. No. If one person is tracking the bills, making sure the savings account gets funded, handling investments or wrong. That's a bad system. Not because one person is good or bad with money. Because in a real partnership, both people should be involved. In fact, you, yes, you, watching this video are going to die a gory, premature death getting hit by a bus, leaving your grieving partner defenseless, fielding calls from Wells Fargo Wealth Management, such as it is worst company on earth, taking advantage of them, charging 1.25%. Aum. Do you want that? You better not. The monthly money meeting is designed for both of you to get engaged. Even if one of you knows more about money, the important thing here is that you are both doing it together like teammates. A deeper connection to your partner. You know, talking about money is not just talking about esoteric numbers. It's also talking about your rich life. Where do you want to go together? What kind of life do you want to build? What excites you? Everybody put your hand out. Go like this. What do we get? That's a question you and your partner should be asking each other. Hey, we work hard, we save money. What do we get for this? Do we get to take our kids to the park every Wednesday morning? Do we get to eat out for a date night every two weeks? What do we get? When you start having these meetings and they're part of your routine, you're going to have fewer fights, fewer surprises, and way more alignment with your money. You will stop feeling like you're managing money alone, and you're actually going to feel like a team. Now, I love seeing couples turn these meetings into something fun. They grab a coffee, they make it a money and mimosas brunch, or they wrap it up with a good meal or just a big nice hug. Because when money becomes something you work on together instead of something you avoid, that is how you build connection. All right, you're bought in. You're with me. That brings me to part two. Your first positive money conversation. Now, before you even schedule your first monthly money meeting, I want to give you an easy script to kick things off, let's say you've never really talked about money with your partner before. You're a little nervous. You don't want to blurt out, hey, let's have a money meeting. That might sound weird. It might sound like a trap. Try this. Hey, I was watching this video about couples and money, and it gave me a bunch of ideas for how we can start to talk about money in a different way. I'd love to start doing a simple check in once a month so we're both on the same page and we can both talk about how we're feeling and take a look at some of the numbers. I think it would be good for us to do it together. What do you think? Now, I like this because it frames the conversation as low pressure. This is not about creating the most complex budgeting spreadsheet or even cutting spending. It uses curiosity instead of blame. You're bringing something up. Notice my tone of voice. Hey, what do you think about this? Not what the. Do you think about this, you degenerate partner of mine? See the difference? And it invites your partner into the process. This isn't just your meeting. Make sure you do it my way. No, it's. It's actually something for both of us. What do you think? What should we include in here? Now, most partners will be open to at least trying this. And if they hesitate, don't worry, I'll cover exactly what to do if your partner is not on board later in this video. Now that you are ready to set up your monthly money meeting, that brings me to part three. When to have these meetings. Well, I'll tell you when not to have it. 9:45pm when one of you's got those little things under their eyes, you're sitting in bed trying to watch a show on tv, and your partner goes, hey, babe, just a quick question. Have you looked at cell C62 in our spreadsheet? There's something really wrong here. You have any ideas? Did you spend money again like I told you not to? Suddenly you're in a fight. Guys, it makes perfect sense that so many people don't want to talk about money. By the end of the day, you're tired, you've been working, you've got errands, you've got stress, you're trying to decompress. The last thing you want to do is talk about money, especially some random charge. That is how couples go. 40 years only fighting about money. Do it a different way. Schedule these meetings when you're focused, when you have energy could be a Saturday morning with coffee or a Sunday afternoon. Agree on the time ahead of time and then put it on your calendar and make that time sacred. Next up, I'll show you how to actually run your monthly money meeting. Before I get to that, any parents watching this? You have to see this. Recently on my podcast I spoke to Matt and Eliza. They have a high net worth in their early 30s, they have their first baby coming in two months and they almost gleefully describe themselves as cheap. Just watch what happens when I ask how they plan to take care of the baby who's coming in a couple of months.

So this is our first child. Both of us work from home. We've been told that they sleep a lot, but we are not experienced child caregivers. So if we find that he's sleeping a lot and we can both work from home comfortably, then we'll let the system keep going, I think. And if we find that he's disrupting our workday a lot, then we will figure out a solution.

I'm not a parent, but I don't think you can just leave a baby lying there for five hours while you do pivot tables in Excel. If you have kids, you need a plan. Who's going to take care of them when we can? Who's going to take them to school? And how are they going to survive financially if something tragic happens to one of us? This video's sponsor, Fabric by Gerber Life can make sure that they are taken care of. When you have somebody who depends on you, that means you need to make sure that your finances are also taken care of. If you were to be hit by a bus, what would happen to your family? That's what term life insurance is for. That is why it is so crucial if you have a spouse, if you have kids who depend on you to make sure that you have the right term life insurance. Fabric by Gerber Life is term life insurance you can get done right from your couch, all online and on your schedule. You could be covered in under 10 minutes with no health exam required. If you've got kids, and especially if you're young and healthy, it's a great idea to lock in rates. Now, even if you have life insurance through your employer, it may not offer enough protection for your family and it may not follow you. If you leave your job, there's no risk. There's a 30 day money back guarantee and you can cancel at any time. They have over 19005 star reviews on Trustpilot with a rating of excellent. So join the Thousands of parents who trust fabric to help protect their family apply today in just minutes atmeet fabric fabric.com Ramit Sati or click the link in the Description below again. Meatfabric.com Ramit Sethi now let's move on to part 4 how to run your monthly money meeting. You already know why these meetings matter. You know when to have them. Let's move into the actual structure of your monthly money meeting. Now, if you've ever sat through a pointless, meandering meeting at work, you know a clear structure matters. Otherwise, a quick chat turns into an hour of frustration. Zero progress. That's why your monthly money meeting has a simple, repeatable agenda that keeps things on track, makes it easy and even fun. Here's your 60 minute monthly money meeting agenda. Step one start with a compliment. This should take five minutes. Now this might sound cheesy, but trust me, starting with something positive sets the tone for the rest of the entire meeting. You cannot say enough nice things to your partner. I really appreciate that you took care of the groceries this week. Thanks for reminding me to check on our savings. That was a good call. See, money conversations can be stressful and so many of us already have a negative relationship with it. So lead with something positive. It's going to make the energy in your conversation change and you're going to be more connected from the start. Step 2 follow up on last month's action items. This should take about 10 minutes. This is where you quickly check in on anything you decided in the last meeting. For example, did we move that $100 into savings? Did we close that old bank account? Did we check whether we have the right insurance coverage? Now if something didn't get done, it's not about blaming someone. It's just a way to check in, keep momentum going and if it's not happening, decide on the next step and move on. Step 3 Review your conscious spending plan. This should take 15 minutes. This is really the meat of the meeting. You're checking in here on your big financial picture. How are we doing? Are we spending within our plan? Do we need to tweak anything like unexpected expenses or new priorities? And are we sticking with our goals? Now this is not about shaming or nitpicking small expenses. It's just about making sure your money is going where you want it to go. There are usually two or three areas that actually need to be tracked on a monthly basis, not 20 or 50. Those areas are typically eating out kids and maybe travel. You don't need to really check on your Rent or mortgage. It's pretty much the same every month. So let's say you're taking a look at your eating out number. One of you owns that number and you realize, oh my gosh, you spent more than you planned last month. Instead of going, oh, you're never good at this, you say, hey, looks like we spent $100 more on restaurants last month, more than we planned. What happened? You think it was worth it? Should we adjust for that next month? And what this does, keep the conversation open, solution oriented, instead of turning it into an argument. And there is one person who owns each key discretionary number. They're the one who brings it up and then talks about what to do next. Step 4. Talk about the big picture money goals. This should take about 15 minutes. This is where you zoom out. Instead of just looking at the monthly numbers, you actually get to focus on your future and ask questions like, are we on track for the vacation that we want at the end of the year? Are we on track to buy a house six years from now? Are we putting enough towards retirement? Couples are so obsessed about the price of turnips that they never zoom out and say, what is this rich life about? Do we want to spend more time with family? Do we want to put the kids in some type of camp? Do we want to retire at this age? So this is an amazing place to get excited about your future. You're not just tracking expenses. You're designing Expense a rich life together. Here's some things you might discover. Hey, we're already 30% of the way to our vacation fund. That's amazing. Our Savings account hit $10,000 this month. Great work. Let's start researching flights for that trip we're planning next year. I can't wait. Step five. Assign next steps. This should take roughly five to 10 minutes. At the end of the meeting, make sure you assign clear next steps. Here's a bad example. We should look into refinancing. Here's a good example. I'll research refinancing options and share what I find in our next meeting. Bad. We should save more. Good. Let's increase our automatic savings transfer by $50 this month. Going forward, do you see how being clear in your meetings will make your entire rich life clearer? Step six. End with a compliment. About five minutes here. Just like you started on a positive note, end on one. Hey, I really appreciate you making time for this. I love how we're working on this together. I feel so much better knowing that we're getting on the same page and Then end with, I love you. Give them a hug. Give him a kiss. Because this isn't just about numbers. It's about building a rich life together. That's how you do your meeting. Now let's tackle one of the biggest challenges people face when trying to implement these monthly money meetings. Part five. What if my partner won't talk about money? Okay, you're excited to get on the same page financially, but every time you bring it up, your partner shuts down, they roll their eyes, or they say, oh, can't we go one night without you talking about money? Any of this sound familiar? See, most partners are not necessarily uninterested in money, but they avoid it for a variety of reasons. It stresses them out, they don't know how to talk about it, or they're afraid it will turn into a fight. So what do you say we fix that right now? Start small, keep it positive. Jumping into spreadsheets and budgets is a bad idea. Just imagine 10 years ago if somebody did that to you, you would be turned off too. So instead, reframe money as something enjoyable because it actually is. Ask them, hey, what's one thing you spent money on last month that made you happy? And notice that this shifts the focus from stress to excitement. Instead of cutting back and judging them, it's about making sure you can do of what you love. Focus on our future instead of right now. A lot of money fights happen because one person feels attacked about their current spending. So I would actually advise, instead of focusing solely on right now, shift the conversation to your future together. Try this. What's one thing you'd love to do in the next five years? And this gets them dreamy. Maybe they say something like, I'd love to take a trip to Japan. I want to remodel the kitchen. I'd love to retire early. Now, instead of arguing about cutting back on coffee, you can say, hey, that sounds amazing. I would love to see if we can make that happen. Would you be open to figuring it out together? Suddenly, money is not about spreadsheets. It's about building a life together if things get hard. Here are your go tos. Don't panic. If the conversation gets tough, just use these simple go to phrases to keep it productive and keep it focused on your shared vision. Let's look at the plan. If we were to address this using our rich life vision, what would we do? You know what? Let's put a pin in this and revisit it next time or I love you and I know that we both want to make a plan that feels good. Can we take a five minute break and then come back together? You don't have to get your monthly money meetings perfect right off the bat. Just one one small step at a time. So what are you waiting for? Talk to your partner about your first monthly money meeting and then let me know in the comments below. What's one thing you and your partner want to spend more money on this year? I would love to hear about the rich life visions that you're creating. When you set up a smooth, stress free money system the right way, it practically runs itself. Watch this video next to see how to do it.