Why You’re Still Stressed About Money (Even When You Make Good Money)

Has your income gone up, but you still feel stressed about money? I've spent over 20 years working with people earning between $35,000 a year and over $1 million a year. And the difference between someone who's stressed and someone who's calm surprisingly is not income. It's these 7 habits. In this video, I'm going to show you each one. And the last one actually has nothing to do with money, but it's the one that will actually change the way you feel about your finances. Let's get into it. Habit number 1: Automate everything important. When you manage your money manually, you've got to be in control of every single payment, every transfer, every decision. And it's running through your head. Did I pay rent? Did I move money to savings before I spent it? That's a lot to keep track of. And frankly, it is keeping you small. The people I know who are not stressed about money, they actually don't think about the day-to-day mechanics of money. Much at all. And with the right system, you don't need willpower. You don't even need a mental checklist because your bills are automatically paid. Your savings is growing every single month. Your investments are getting funded, and you get to take your brain back again. Your system turns something that drains you every month into something that you handle once and then move on. So I suggest you stop relying on willpower. Definitely don't rely on memory. Instead, set up an automatic system for your money. Make every important money decision once and then automate those decisions so they run on their own. Here's an example. When your paycheck hits your account, it automatically flows into 4 buckets. My suggestion: fixed costs like rent and bills get 50 to 60% of your take-home pay. Investments get 10%. That's where the real wealth is created. Savings gets 5 to 10%. And the rest, 20 to 35%, that's your guilt-free spending. That's money for eating out, clothes, travel, whatever you love. A lot of advice only focuses on you cutting back and you sacrificing and restricting. This is the opposite. You get to build a system that lets you spend on the things that matter to you guilt-free. But there is one number that determines whether your automated system actually works. And I'm going to tell you, a lot of people never stop to calculate it. Habit number 2: Keep your fixed costs low. Maybe you bought an apartment you could afford. You bought a car that you liked. Each decision made sense on its own, but those decisions came with extra costs. Utilities, insurance, gas, maintenance. They might actually cost you 30 to 50% more than the sticker price, and that can lock you into higher costs. For years to come. I'm talking about your fixed costs. And this is the number that makes or breaks everything else in your financial life. I'll put it very bluntly. If you have over 60% of your take-home pay and it's already spoken for before you can spend anything else, I can already tell that you feel stressed out about money because you're covering the basics, but there's not much left to work with. You know what a lot of people in this situation do? They start to become increasingly small. Oh, I can't spend that much money on pears this month. I need to cut back. That's not going to fix the problem. The real goal is to get focused and get your fixed cost number below 60% of your take-home pay. And I'm going to tell you right now, when fixed costs are too high, it's almost always two things. One, your housing, and two, your car. Look carefully at your numbers. If your rent your mortgage or your car payment is pushing you over 60%, something has to change. Now, unfortunately, it's not easy to change housing and car costs, but you do have options. It might mean trading in the car. It might mean using public transportation, finding a roommate, moving. There are lots of different options, but you have to narrowly focus in on your fixed costs. Remember, with something like a car, the monthly payment is just a starting point. You need to look at the total cost. Same if you own your primary residence. Crunch those real numbers, figure out what you can actually afford, and find a car that fits. Now, housing is even harder, especially in a major city. But a lot of people have not even spent one hour thinking about how they might lower their housing costs. For example, at the time I am recording this, rents are down double-digit percentages in many cities across the country. I'm talking Santa Monica, San Diego. I'm talking Austin, Texas, down 20%. Are you even aware of how much rents are up or down in your city? Have you tried to negotiate? Let me stop you right there because I got a comment just recently. It said, "In what universe is it possible to get a $15,000 raise?" This person was reacting to me talking about how to increase their income. And then I switched over to Instagram and I got this comment. This person said, "Ramit Sethi, I've read both of your books. I recently mustered up the courage to walk into my chair's office and negotiate my salary. Thanks to you, I was well prepared. I meticulously argued. I was able to get a $20,000 salary increase and $9,000 in research and travel funds." This is unheard of in academia. Here's my point. If your first reaction was, "In what universe can I negotiate my rent?" Have you ever tried? Have you looked up my material on how to do it? My rent went down 4 times in 11 years in Manhattan. So if you don't think it's possible, think again. When you get this right, you can spend on what you love and you can actually enjoy it. Even with fixed costs under control and if you have everything automated, there is still a number buried in your investments that can cost you hundreds of thousands of dollars over your lifetime. Habit number 3, Learn what small percentages cost you. Two numbers I'm gonna give you right now: 23.5% versus 25.1%. That tiny difference can mean tens of thousands of dollars in your pocket over time. Let me explain. You are paying rates on debt and investments that quietly cost you a lot, and I'm willing to bet you have never questioned them. Here's a surprising insight: your rates may not be set in stone. Let's take a look at your credit cards. Do you have credit card debt? If so, you're paying an APR of probably 27%. And if you carry a balance, that adds up really fast. That's why it seems like you can never get ahead with your credit card debt. But you've gotta know something. A lot of these companies spend a fortune acquiring new customers. So sometimes, not always, but sometimes they are open to negotiate. One of my students made a 5-minute call and got her credit card APR dropped from 20.99% to 0% for 12 months. Suddenly she was able to pay her debt off way faster. Now let's flip to the other side, reducing the investment fees that you might be paying. Let's say that you have a financial advisor and that financial advisor is charging you 1%. It's a very common fee. Now that doesn't sound like a lot, but over 35 years that can cost you over $470,000 compared to low-cost index funds. So I want you to be aware of the tiny little numbers that can have a huge impact on your finances. Because when your rates improve, your money starts working faster. Your investments can take off almost like they've been unshackled, and your debts can shrink eventually down to nothing. Make two phone calls this week: lower your credit card rate, or at least try to, and check what you are paying for your investments. If you are paying a percentage of assets to an advisor, you might want to consider moving to a low-cost DIY broker such as Schwab, Fidelity, or Vanguard. You can quickly calculate how much that will save you using the calculator on my website. Or if you want expert guidance and personalized help with your finances, I'm going to encourage you to find a financial planner who charges a flat fee, not a percentage of your portfolio, like our partners at Facet. Facet offers dynamic financial planning that evolves with you, including monthly check-ins to keep you accountable so you can stay on track with your financial and retirement goals. All Facet planners are CFP professionals and fiduciaries supported by a team of specialists. And the best part is that unlike traditional advisors who charge a percentage of your assets, which I've just shown you can cost you hundreds of thousands of dollars over your lifetime, Facet charges an affordable flat membership fee for financial planning. I've worked with them to help many couples on my podcast understand specific scenarios like if they can retire early, pay for their kids' college, or be more generous, or even just take cooler vacations every year. If you've ever wished you had a smart team to help guide you through the biggest financial decisions you're planning to make, including retirement, check them out to see if financial planning is a fit bit for you. Head to facet.com/ramit or click the link in the description below to learn more. That's facet.com/ramit. Now, if you make these changes this week, you will return hundreds of thousands of dollars back to yourself over your lifetime. But even with all of this in place, there's a single unexpected event that can unravel everything in a matter of days, and it happens to everyone eventually. Habit number 4: Build a 12-month emergency fund. Stop right there. I know you're about to move over and click out of this video because the number sounds too big. Let me tell you why. At some point in life, one unexpected event is going to throw your finances off track. This is a guarantee. It could be getting laid off. It could be having a car accident or a medical emergency. And when those things hit, if you are not prepared, that is how so many people get into financial danger. Here is how you avoid that. You have a moat in place, like a big fat moat there to protect you from emergencies. And you know what that looks like? It looks like your fixed costs, what it takes to keep the lights on, times 12. 12 months of an emergency fund is your buffer. And that money just sits there quietly waiting until one day you need it, and then you use it. I did this during COVID I had built up a big fat emergency fund. And when things started happening, we left New York immediately. We found a place and we left. And price was irrelevant to me. I would have paid anything and I had the money to do it. I want you to have this type of confidence so that one day, God forbid, you get a phone call. You need to be home because one of your parents is really, really sick. You go straight to the airport. You don't look at the price. You get the first flight, any seat available, and you don't think twice because at that time I want you to be with your family. I do not want you thinking about how am I going to pay this off? Here's what you do. Set up an automatic transfer into a separate savings account and start building towards 12 months of living expenses. Let me explain some of the details here because this trips people up. Any high-yield savings account, will work well. Do not get caught up chasing the best rate. The priority is that money flowing there. Now, my suggestion is 12 months sounds like a lot. It is a lot. It takes years to build that up. Start with 3 months. That is a simple way to prove that you can build this emergency fund. Then grow it to 6 months. That's going to give you enough room to handle something like an unexpected car repair. And then keep going. Build towards 12 months, because once you hit that level, even losing your job becomes something you can totally handle. Just imagine how good that's going to feel knowing that anything that comes your way, you are strong enough to handle. We've covered your financial foundations. Now the next habits are different. They actually go against a lot of the default money advice that you hear online. So let's get into habit number 5. Stop sweating the $3 purchases. You know, a lot of money anxiety has nothing to do with what's actually in your bank account. It comes from these invisible scripts that we absorbed without ever questioning it. Stop buying coffee every morning. Why would you get a drink when you're eating out? You could just make that at home for 10 times cheaper. These rules, rules create a constant low-level guilt around spending. To put it bluntly, a lot of people's only relationship with money is feeling bad. So every time you buy something that you actually should enjoy, there's this little annoying, shrill voice in the back of your head telling you, "That's a bad decision." Morning coffee stops being something you enjoy. A little pack of gum that costs $1.50. You go, "Oh, I could invest that, and over the next 45 years, I could turn that into $7.95." It sucks. It's time to stop being obsessed with $3 questions. Because you really should be focused instead on $30,000 questions. Cutting your daily coffee habit completely might save you $1,800 a year, and that is if you are consistent 365 days a year. But negotiating one $5,000 raise, you just have to be right once. And over time, that amount is worth hundreds of thousands of dollars to you. You know, people who build serious wealth do not get there by pinching pennies. There's so many people online and they always leave the same comment at the top of any frugality post. Like someone will be complaining about some cheap shit. Hey, we know this multimillionaire couple and they came to our wedding and they only gave us a $20 gift. And then everyone in Reddit's like, that's how they became multimillionaires. They only give $20. No, that's not how they became multimillionaires. I'm a multimillionaire. I did not become one by cutting back on coffee. That would be absurd. I got there by focusing on increasing my income. By investing aggressively with low cost consistently for over 30 years. These are what I call the big wins, the decisions that have an outsized impact on your financial life. Please stop believing these stupid lies. Now let's talk about the big wins because I'm starting to get fucking mad right now. The biggest one is your salary. A lot of people just take what they're given. Oh, is that what they gave me in this economy? They've been saying that since 2004. When I started writing my blog, that decision of what you accept for your income matters more than any small purchase ever could. Have you built the skills of increasing your income? Do you know how? When it comes to your housing and your debt, do you know about something called the 28/36 rule and do you follow it? This is the kind of rigor that I expect for you if you want to focus on the $30,000 questions. And when you do that, you're going to give yourself permission to enjoy the small things. Now, even with everything we've covered so far, there is one source of money stress that people rarely address. But first, if you're watching this and you're realizing your financial foundation is not as solid as you want it to be, at some point, "I will get to it." That phrase that you've told yourself so many times turns into years of your financial life just passing you by. This is exactly why people join my money coaching program. This is a program where I walk you through setting up your entire financial system, automation, fixed costs, investments, step by step in just 48 hours. No more someday. We're going to do it this week. In money coaching, you're going to get live calls with me. You're also going to get a community that holds you accountable. These are people who are creating their rich lives as well, and they are unapologetic about it. And finally, you will get a clear plan with your money. The habits in this video work. But knowing them and actually building them are two different things. Money coaching is where you build them. To join, scan the QR code on screen or click the link below to join us. Habit number 6, make money conversations normal. Here's a story I love from my new book, Money for Couples. I remember speaking to a couple that was arguing about a $15 lunch, and they were arguing for a long time, 15 or so minutes. And finally I stopped them and I said, 'Have either of you ever felt good about money?' And they were like stunned. They both said no. This is a money psychology problem that applies to everyone, not just couples. A lot of us avoid thinking about money, talking about money, even looking at our own accounts. A lot of us only know that when money comes up, we feel bad. And you know what we do when things feel bad? We avoid them. And that avoidance done 10 times, 100 times, 10,000 times, becomes a habit. In fact, one of the most powerful invisible scripts out there is we don't talk about money. But can I tell you something? People who are good with money talk about money all the time. Just like people who are good with fitness talk about fitness and food and parenting and all of it. You have to think for some people, money feels stressful, so they just avoid it. But for others, they reframe it. Money is possibility. So of course I'm I wanna talk about it and learn. You don't have to wait until you figure everything out to change how you feel and think about money. And I think this is especially important if you are in a relationship because who you are partnered with has a massive impact on your money decisions. In my experience, the best couples treat money like an ongoing conversation, not a one-time event. In fact, I hate when people say, "We just need to sit down." Why do you need to sit down and talk about it? Do you ever say, "We need to sit down" and talk about our parenting style? No, you just do it. It's embedded in your life. You do not have to make it a formal occasion where you pull out the china and draw the curtains. No, you just talk about it. In fact, in my book, "Money for Couples," I have the exact agenda word for word that you can use in these conversations. I'd like for you to start with something positive, something you appreciate about your partner. And then I'd like for you to look at these numbers together. You make a plan for what's coming up so that you're not surprised. And then I like for you to end on a high note, a compliment for each other. But the important thing for you to know is talking about money is a skill, and the more you practice it with yourself, with your partner, with anyone, the less power it's going to have over you. Now, even if you have stopped avoiding money, even if you have started talking about it, which is great, I've noticed that a lot of people are still missing one crucial habit. But before I get into it, if you are serious about getting better with money, subscribe to this channel if you haven't already done it yet, because every week I share strategies to help you get richer, make better decisions, and stop guessing about your next money move. Habit number 7: Focus on living a rich life. When I ask people, what does a rich life mean to you? Almost everybody says the same thing. I want to do what I want when I want. And then they go like this. They wait for me to, "Good job. That's so creative. I never heard that before." Only from every single person on planet Earth. So I go, "Wow, that's so interesting. Hey, out of curiosity, what do you want?" And then they look at me like this. They have never actually thought about what they want with their money. What do I get with this money that I work so hard for? Without a clear picture of what you are building towards, no amount of money will ever feel like it's enough. If you want to live a rich life, not an adequate life, not an okay life, a rich life, you have to go on offense and design it. Let me show you how. Let's get specific. What does your ideal Wednesday look like? Not a vacation day, just a normal Wednesday. What does your home look like, feel like, smell like? Write it down. Like, I bet you, you did not answer, "My ideal Rich Life Wednesday is doing laundry for an hour." I bet you did not answer that. I've never heard one person say that. And yet, are you spending money to make laundry easier for yourself? This is why getting crystal clear with your vision will help you look at where your money's actually going and then find out where you want to spend more and less. Now, if you skip this step, you can keep earning more and saving more. But it's never going to feel like enough because you don't really have a clear target. I talk to people all the time making $400,000 a year who still feel behind. They talk like they're making $35,000 a year, but that is simply a result of never answering that question. What is our rich life? Down to the scents and the smells and knowing exactly what that Wednesday looks like. So take a minute to find your rich life. What does it actually look like for you? I'll give you some examples from my life. I like to travel for several months a year. I like to know even if the lights are completely off, I want to be able to know where every single thing is in my house without looking. I just like it. I like knowing when I open up my calendar, my Mondays are always the same, my Wednesdays are always the same. And even when I double-click on a calendar entry, I know exactly that the link is going to be right here. And when I click it, it's going to take me to the appropriate part of the document where I can start working. That's what a rich life is. It is that specific and personal to me. You don't want that life? That life sounds like a freak show to you? That's good. My rich life is mine. Your rich life is yours. So now that you know what winning looks like, you've got the system to get you there. And if you want to take action to make that rich life a reality, this next video will help you get there in better financial shape than 95% of people Within the next 3 months. Watch it now.