Dashavatar Prabhu remembering HH Gopal Krishna Goswami Maharaj

But hold, don't go yet. This is the best right now. The personal secretary of our Guru Mahārāja for the last many years.

Shrimad Gopal Krishna Gosvami iti namini. Prabhupada se sahyate me prakashiviti recha pracharam krtavan sadhu bhagavata iti nama. I just want to read my offering. Today we have all come here to glorify, to hear, and to relish the memories of our beloved Gurumurthy. I want to thank all of you from the core of my heart. I am sorry, but today I do not have the voice to speak much. As it is completely choked up. I beg for an apology in advance if I become emotional. Till today, I am unable to understand what austerity or pious activities I have done in my previous life to deserve Guru Maharaj's service. It is simply due to Guru Maharaj's causeless mercy, devotee's causeless mercy. Because all of you have tried to serve Guru Maharaj for the last 12 to 15 years, thank you very much! Today all the devotees glorify Guru Maharaj. I just want to share a few memories of his last days. From last one year, everybody knows Guru Maharaj's health is not good. But he don't want to show it that he is not well. He don't want to lose his privilege to serve spiritual— Srila Prabhupada, his spiritual master. So he don't want to show anybody that he is not well. So he is trying his best to serve as much as possible. He tried to attend all his meetings. Tries his best. Sometime one session, sometimes second session on Zoom, but he tries his best. He reduces traveling also. Even his doctors, senior disciples, Godbrothers, everybody is requesting Maharaj, please slow down, please. Everybody was begging and he is Smiling and saying, 'Please don't take the privilege to serve Śrīla Prabhupāda.' He was having very great pressure of initiating devotees. From last one year, he is having lot of pressure from all over the world. They want— everybody knows that Maharaj's health is not good. So, everybody wants to take initiation. Last year, in the month of May, we did a Delhi initiation, and that Delhi initiation, Maharaj was staying there, but the Delhi initiation was after 6 years. More than 800 candidates. Maharaj gave initiation in his room, not in pandal, because it was very difficult for him. He was very much scared about giving initiation because he can't sit in pandal for so long, 2 hours, 3 hours. So we made a plan, we requested him, Maharaj, don't worry, please, we'll manage in 1 week. You just sit in your room for 1 hour, half an hour, morning half an hour, evening half an hour, and will continue for 1 week. And the end of the week we will have a yagya. So the same way we did that in our Delhi temple. And so many initiations are pending from last 1 year. Chandigarh candidates are requesting a lot. Since last 1 year, 600, more than 600 candidates are there in Chandigarh altogether, Punjab, Haryana, and many places. In between, we travelled Surat just to meet Vrindavan Das Prabhu for some seva. So devotees beg same, Same way devotees begged, 'Maharaj, please give initiation, we are ready.' Maharaj said, 'No, it's not possible, I can't do it, I am not so much— I am tired, I can't sit.' So again I requested him, 'Maharaj, we'll manage, please just morning half an hour, evening half an hour. No need to go outside, you just be in your room, everybody will come.' and you give initiation and last day we will do the yagya. Every time when I am alone, when Maharaj was alone, he calls me and every time he asks me, how can I do this initiation? I am very much scared. So every time we are requesting Maharaj, please don't worry. So this way we finished that initiation in Surat also, more than 300 candidates. Earlier it was 150, then by end of the day it was more than 300. So somehow we finished that initiation, we came back to Delhi. Again Chandigarh initiation was pressure. Maharaj again and again he was saying, 'I want to stop giving initiation.' We wrote to G.B.C. We requested Anantirtha Prabhu that please, please process Vaishnava Maharaja application and Prabhupada Nama Maharaja application as soon as possible. Even he told, they requested that Maharaja, you are here, what is the hurry? Still he said, 'No, start the process, expedite the process,' because somehow he knows, he knows that the time has come. Every month He generally every month or maybe in 2 months he comes to Vrindavan. But this year, from last 6 months he was not here. Last Karthik, he came last Karthik. As Chinadan Maharaj mentioned how he performed his 2 days here. Did japa, everything, aarti, everything, and he was happy. He knows what is the next Krishna's plan. We went back to Delhi. Like initiation pressure is coming from Pune. I was fighting with devotees, "Why are you pressurizing Maharaj?" 'Don't decide the date. Let him come. Wait for 10 days, 15 days. When Maharaj will say, "Okay, now I am okay," then we will make it for 1 week. But don't decide the date.' Maharaj asking again and again, 'How I will do?' I was trying to describe Maharaj, 'Make it easy. We will do like this.' Gurgaon initiation is pending, everywhere initiation is pending, but I am not telling Maharaj. They are calling me, requesting me, but I am not telling Maharaj that people are calling me, so many initiations are pending, because I don't want to give so much, because already he is scared of giving initiation. So, I just want to I just want to share the last day incident, like last 2-3 days. On 29th, he decided, he decided like, we will go to Dehradun for bureau meeting. Then he called me, he said, We are supposed to go in the afternoon because I don't allow to travel Guru Maharaj in the morning time, night time, because afternoon is the best time. He finishes all his seva, exercise, walk, everything. So we don't allow. Especially I generally, I fight with Maharaj for these things. So the same day also I fought. Maharaj said— Maharaj called me and he— I think Maharaj will say, will leave by lunch, after lunch. But he called me and he said, I am tired, I don't want to go to Dehradun today, I'll go tomorrow early morning. Again I raised my voice and I fought. What is this? Morning time is not good for travelling. And I left that room because I don't want to argue anymore. After some time he called me again, okay, we'll go in the afternoon, afternoon flight, take afternoon flight. I said, I said, Maharaj, okay. But again I asked Maharaj, if you are not feeling well, if you want to take rest, what is the use of going? I requested Maharaj, Zoom facility is there, please attend on Zoom. Maharaj said, I am the host, Dehradun is a new center, and I have invited them to see the new center. 'And if I will not be there, then how they will feel?' Actually, he is just thinking for everyone but not thinking for himself. And he was saying, 'I have to do the Bhoomi Puja.' I said, 'Maharaj, anybody can do. Many sannyasis are going there, bureau members, they can do it. Please don't go.' Then he gave another reason, he is very expert. 'For like this.' He gave another reason. I said, 'Maharaj, take rest, then we have to go to Chandigarh for initiation. If you will take sufficient rest for 3-4 days, then you will feel more comfortable and we can—' And that we have already planned for 1-week initiation, not 1-day initiation. Morning 1 hour, evening 1 hour, and then the last day yagya. I said, 'Maharaj, take sufficient rest and then we will go to Chandigarh.' Maharaj said, 'If I will not go to the bureau meeting and I will go to Chandigarh, everybody will laugh on me, at me, that he is not coming for bureau meeting and he is going to make the disciples.' So he said, no, I'll not go Chandigarh, I'll go to Dehradun. I again begged Maharaj, please, your health is not good. I know, I reminded him, Maharaj, in last bureau meeting you went to Ahmedabad, your health was not good. You went only for bureau meeting. For 3 days, but you attended only 1 day. First day, first half. Second day on Zoom. Second day again, first half on Zoom. And third day only from Zoom. I reminded him, Maharaj, he said, really? Yes, Maharaj. Maharaj, you attended bureau meeting like this. 'And if you'll go to Dehradun, again this thing will happen. I'm scared.' Maharaj said, 'No.' Then again, I beg Maharaj many times. I said, 'Maharaj, please.' I called Sandeepani Krishna Prabhu. He's organizing Zoom over there. The special team from Bombay, they called special team for arranging Zoom sessions. He said, Guru Maharaj said, call Sandeep Nee and ask, because I requested him, so he is trying to make his mind on for Zoom. He said, call Sandeep Nee Krishna, check again that Zoom is available. Can I like speak on Zoom? Facility is there? So I said, I didn't call Sandeep Nee Krishna. I said, Maharaj, I called him, everything is ready. So please don't go. So again, then he said, no, I'll— says the meeting is supposed to start on 30th. This discussion was on 29th, so supposed to start on 30th. I said, Maharaj, when he decided that I'll attend on Zoom second session, so I said, Maharaj, that is a Little good idea, we'll attend here, we will here attend like a Zoom session first, first part. Second session will attend on Zoom, will live there, over there, when we'll go there. So that again, then again after some time he called me, I don't want to go. Then again I started begging, Maharaj, it's good idea, please, please don't go. Then he said, "We will decide tomorrow." So then he said, "Can you book Krishnapriya's doctor ticket also?" Because he have such something in his mind, he told Krishnapriya, he told Krishnapriya, "Can you come with me also?" So I booked 3 tickets, Krishnapriya's proposed tickets, my Guru Maharaj and myself. And then he said, again, after booking the tickets, he's keep discussing these things— going, not going, going. And my answer was same, I am requesting, begging, please don't go, Maharaj, we'll arrange everything here on Zoom. Then he said, in the night, 9:30, I'll decide in the morning. Then morning he called me again at 5:30 and he said, 'No, we will go.' I said, 'Maharaj, I can't argue with you, but my wish is not like to go. You should stay and attend here only because of your health is not good.' He said, 'I want to take rest, that is why I took rest for one more day, but we have to go, we'll go. Then we went there. I was very much careful because I was— we were travelling in plane and Maharaj said, "Don't hold my hand. I don't need so much devotees." Sometimes I generally don't help Maharaj because he allows other devotees like Ajay Gorang Prabhu, Yoginath Prabhu, Vishambhar Gaur Prabhu. So that time in flight, generally Yoginath, Damodar Prabhu, generally they also travel. We started traveling with 3-4 devotees. So this time we are going only 3, Maharaj, myself, and Krishna Priya Prabhu. So in the plane, I already booked the wheelchair, everything. I called wheelchair and I tried, because he is not used to take my help. Generally, sometimes mind is like that, that he engaged, he gave me other services and take help from Yoginath and Ajay Gurung. So that day I was there, so I am trying to help at every moment. So he said, I don't want so much help, I'll manage. Somehow we went, we reached Dehradun. He was happy. He was determined, so he attended the last 2 hours of the Bhuta Puja, sorry, first day, second session, last 2 hours, 5 to 7. And then next day again Bhumi Puja, he was to attend that. That time also he was saying, "I am feeling, I am not feeling good, I am not able to walk properly." I said, "No problem, Maharaj, we will walk in the room, then your body will get little," means his body is little stiff, so I said, "Maharaj, we will walk here in the room, when you will get confidence, then we will go outside." So I walked with Maharaj, devotees were there, other devotees also walked. So then he, after 3-4 rounds, he said, "Now I can walk." Because he don't want to use wheelchair. I keep fighting with him only for this thing. Maharaj, try to use stick or wheelchair. We can't afford any more falls. Already 3 falls happened. Vrindavan, Ahmedabad, and Mayapur. I said, requested Maharaj, Maharaj, this is Krishna's indication that we have to be more careful, which we can't afford any more falls. He listens because everybody put pressure Then sometime when he feels that I can walk, I can stand, so he tried himself also. So next day same thing happened as usual. He forget to call because when he use washroom, he, we open the door like not and keep unlock and devotees waiting outside. Generally he used to call from there. And this time he forgot to call and he slipped. And suddenly he called a devotee, the other devotee, Yogi Nath was there, so he went inside. But when generally we fall, we don't have the pain. Pain started after 2-3 hours. He dressed up, he took shower, he dressed up, he did his puja. And when he started to get up from his wheel, sorry, chair, puja chair, he like shouted, like shouting. He was because of pain, he like so much pain. So then everybody like scared. Then we said, Maharaj, please take rest, lie down on your bed. What happened, Maharaj? Because he was not telling that he fall down. Maharaj, what happened? This is little because It was a— there was no external injury. I saw very heavy red marks over there at the backside. So he said, "Call the shawtar." I was not there because I was in the next room. He immediately said, "Call the shawtar and Krishna Priya, my doctor Krishna Priya Prabhu." Immediately we came. Krishna Priya Prabhu was there. I came after 2 minutes. Then he asked— exactly, I don't remember, I don't know who said, I didn't heard that, but somebody heard and told me that Maharaj told, "I made a mistake, don't shout on me." Means, now don't tell me that we should not come to Dehradun. Maybe Krishna Priya, he was talking to Krishna Priya Prabhu, Talking to whom, I don't know, somebody told me. So I totally shattered, I said, 'What to speak now? Just try to make Maharaj comfortable.' So I said, 'Maharaj.' Then we called nurse, the local nurse. Fortunately she was there, a devotee. She saw that Maharaj, that injury. She said, 'I think there is no bone fracture because there is no more redness, bluish. So maybe she gave the pain injection and immediately after breakfast he took rest for some time, like after 15-20 minutes, and we said, Maharaj, we have to go to hospital to check if any fracture is there. We can have prasad and let's go. Because he was feeling so much pain, then he went and after that you know all the episode. This happened. We are trying our best to stop Maharaj because many times I feel that he knows that travelling is his troubling part. Many times when he books his tickets for America, many times he asks Jnanadharma Maharaj, 'Shall I go? I want to go tomorrow, maybe 2 days later.' He even checks with Bhanu Maharaj, 'Shall I go? Can I go?' So, many times he feels something like that. So, this time also, I think this time he knows. He want to die on battlefield, not lying on bed. So he went, he want— at the last moment also he did his responsibility. Even while lying on the bed, he was crying and writing a letter for bureau members. He said, I want to write a letter for my resignation. 'Maharaj, please take rest, no need to write, I will go personally and tell them.' 'No, no, no, no, I want to write.' And he wrote a long letter, resignation letter, requested bureau members, and he requested, 'I can't come for meeting, my health is not well.' Wrote the same lines also. These lines also. This thing happened. He knows what is to be happened. I want to share, I don't want to much, but I have many sweet memories to share. Today I will share only one. It's like the starting is like in 2013 or 2012 or 2013, is early, early days of my as a secretary. I was, I also tried to do fasting for Karthik. So I tried fasting for Karthik for 4 months just on fruits. I lost my weight for more than 30 kg. He was busy in meetings and somehow he didn't recognize that thing, but somebody told that, Maharaj, the Shavatar Prabhu is not eating anything. So he called me. That time is about to finish my 4 months and he called me immediately. He said, 'You are fasting? You are not eating anything?' So I was scared. I said, 'Maharaj, it's just Karthik, so I tried to do this 4 months fasting.' He said, 'I can't take service from whomever who is fasting whole day, like not eating anything.' 'it is an offence for me.' He said like that. He is very careful for taking service from anybody. Even Ekadashi, generally devotees go for massage in the evening. On Ekadashi days, he asked everybody, 'Who is taking, who is on full fast?' If somebody says, "Maharaj, I am—" So he said, "Please go and take rest. I don't want to take service today." And even the book distributors, they generally come for massage evening. So he said, "I don't want to take service from book distributors. You are doing great service for Prabhupada. I don't want to take massage from you." So it's like that. He was very careful. Of taking service from anyone or any favor from anyone. So this is the— we have a lot of sweet memories with our Guru Mahārāja. I hope we will keep relishing and inspiring ourselves to serve Guru Mahārāja and Śrīla Prabhupāda. I want to thank all the devotees for helping me in Guru Mahārāja's service, and I beg all the devotees for forgiveness if I have hurt anyone, either intentionally or unintentionally, in Guru Mahārāja's service as His secretary. I request all the senior devotees to please keep me under your guidance for the next chapter of my Krishna conscious spiritual journey. Inspiration, Srila Prabhupada's service. I want to thank all of you for giving me this opportunity to speak and glorify Guru Mahārāja. Thank you. Mācchā kalpatru vyāśchakrīpā siddhu vyāśchapatitānam pāvanibhyavaiṣṇave bhūnamo namaḥ. Thank you very much. Hare Kṛṣṇa.

Everybody give standing ovation.