Breaking Free from Autopilot Mode | Wendy Paige Sterling

When you start understanding sort of like the volume, the vibration difference between your fear and your intuition, what you're then able to tap into is your fear is focused on the goal, but your intuition is focused on the intention.

Our guest today is Wendy Paige Sterling, an intuitive prosperity coach and a leadership expert. She's an author, speaker, and the host of the Power in the Pause podcast. She she helps high achievers create what they desire in life and in business. Wende, so excited to have you on the program today.

Thank you, Richard. I'm excited to be here.

Now, before we hit the record button, we were talking a little bit about the power of the pause and how important that is. We're gonna spend a fair amount of time on that today for our viewers. Now, this really resonated with you at a specific moment in time in your life where, you know, a lot of people know it's important to take a step back and reflect and think about what's going on. But knowing that we should do it and then actually doing it isn't always the case. And you bring a lot of that clarity for people now. But there was a moment where that clarity became ever present for yourself. Can you walk us through what happened?

Yeah. You know, it's funny how the universe works, because I feel like sometimes our pauses are not always generated by ourselves, but instead the universe hands them to us when we are not paying attention. And that was very much my situation and circumstance. And so I will take you guys back back to August of 2016 when I got reacquainted with the power that is in the pause. And it was in a moment where my now ex husband and I were driving home from a very late night out, and we were in the car and his cell phone rang not once, but five times. And the person on the other end was a much younger female colleague. And it was one of those moments where I felt. Felt that, you know, inner nudge in my gut from the universe saying, wake up. And I remember spending the rest of the car ride in my own thoughts and in my head going, you know, it's almost like I had kind of like the angel and the devil sitting on my shoulders of, like, something's wrong. No, he would never do anything wrong. Right. You know, the cartoons. Right. And so that was really what was happening. And it was in this moment where I was really gifting myself with my breath. And yes, most of it was taken away in that moment. And I remember saying to him, something about this doesn't feel right. And it was that moment that sensation that I felt within my body, that reawakened me to know when my intuition was speaking to me. And the time where your intuition speaks to you is in those moments of pause. And sometimes the universe, you know, sometimes are delivered in what feels like a two by four and in other moments they are ones that you actually create for yourself. And so what I hope people are hearing in that part of my story is that it's really about feeling that sensation inside of you where you know that there is something that feels off, where instead of going into reactive mode and you know, I could have been spewing a whole lot of things out of my mouth in that moment, but instead I really took it as a sign for me to get insightful and to go within. And it really was that wake up call that I needed to be able to start taking back control of my thoughts, of my time, of my energy. And most importantly, it was time for me to really like see what was going on in my life and how I had been a co creator of the situation that I was now presented with. And so in that moment that happened, you know, now over eight years ago, it was one of those moments where I had the signal and I had the sign to know, okay, now I get to like see the power in this particular pause. Because when I really started getting deeper into my mind and rationalizing instead of being in fear, but really kind of starting to piece things together that I, I realized that indeed my, my now ex husband was having an affair. And it wasn't something that I was irrational about in the beginning, it was something that I was paying attention to in that pause moment in the car. And anytime I had a thought coming in over the next 24 hours, as I was trying to figure out what the heck to do, I was tapping back into that sensation. And so it was that moment in time where literally everything about how I think, I, what I believe, the decisions that I make, the thoughts that I have, I now go back into my body to really think about what happened, what was going on. I think what so many of us are so good at is operating on autopilot. And I had that choice in that moment. I could have gone on autopilot and I could have gone, you know, I could have gone in a whole other direction for the last 10 minutes of that drive and I didn't and I got silent. And part of that was, you know, I also think that so many times we underestimate the power of our words. And I really wanted to be intentional with My words based on what was happening in that particular moment. And so really it was that moment eight years ago that I have gone back to that feeling multiple times. I have found my power in the pause many other times since, you know, leaving, deciding to file for divorce, deciding at the same time to leave corporate America and to become an entrepreneur and start my first seven figure divorce coaching business to then, you know, my mom passed away. And really reevaluating what it was that I still wanted to do. Did I still want to coach divorce, Did I want to do something else? And really it's those moments of pause that have really gifted me with the opportunity to start making decisions that were in my best interest instead of leaning into, you know, a more reactive state that happens when you're on autopilot and what I call people pleasing and really living your life for other people instead of going inside and choosing to live life for yourself.

Yeah, very interesting. Like a visualization comes up for me which is kind of like the Matrix and you're, you know, when you're slowing things down and dodging bullets. And so to a degree that's what I visualize happening in this pause moment. So you can, you can see the bullets coming at you and maybe those bullets are your own thoughts. Maybe it's, you know, there's a combination of things happening but you have the ability now to maneuver through them through having that, that, that awareness that's heightened at a level where you can recognize it from, from a, from not just an emotional feeling, but like literally a physical feeling that, that's taking place.

Yes, 100%. And I love that you just basically called me Neo, which is pretty awesome because the Matrix eccentrical movie. So I'll take that.

Yes, yes. You're, you're the, you're the emot. The people that you love to serve.

I'm going to give you credit for that, Richard.

Okay, sounds good. Well, you know, I think it's important that people have a level of awareness and I love how you talked about that, like being on autopilot. There's some advantages to being on autopilot in some areas of your life, but you can become over, over developed, over like focused on being in that autopilot mode that you tend not to be aware sometimes of the things that's going on. It's kind of like, you know, they used to have little blinders on the horses. Ye keep them from getting distracted by things around them. And I think we often go through our life to some degree with that as cause we, we Develop these mental shortcuts. And those mental shortcuts kind of try to protect us from things so we're not seeing everything that's around. But it also does create a blinding capacity to what's on the peripherals that's going on in our life.

Yeah. And, I mean, I would even take it a step further and say that you're actually taking yourself out of the present moment, you know, when you are running on autopilot. To me, you are stepping even further into what I call hustle culture, which I am actually not a proponent of, because I think that what ends up happening in those moments where you are lacking awareness and when you are on autopilot is that you are taking yourself out of the present moment. And that doesn't serve anybody. I mean, if you're not present in different. You know, and here's the thing. I used to. I used to pride myself on being, like, the best multitasker. Like, I wore it like a badge of honor. Like, I am like, the world's best. Like, bring it on. Who thinks that they can multitask better than me? And what I've come to really understand in the work that I do, because I walk my being. I walk my walk. I talk my talk. I. I was never. I never gave anyone 100% of me at any time because there's always static and, you know, narratives running in the background because, you know, or. Or I would pride myself on having a to do list and checking things off my list. Right. And to me, that. That is. That isn't a sign of. Of actually really being connected with people or really being, you know, conscious of the life that you're choosing to live. And that's very much how I felt in my marriage. I was on autopilot. I was good. I was good at my corporate job. I was. Spent two decades working in corporate ad sales and the digital space, working in experiential marketing, influencer, you know, sales and marketing. I was so good at what I did. I was miserable, because, guess what? It took me away from my boys. I traveled. I entertained. My marriage was falling apart. Couldn't give that attention, but I pretended that everything was fine. Right. Fast forward becoming an entrepreneur. Right. I was really good at being a divorce coach, but it was just sucking the life out of me at a certain given point in time. And so to your point, like, it's so easy for us to put the blinders on and just stay on the path. And what I have found and what I've experienced is that all that does is, you know, it. It sort of starts killing you slowly, right? It's like you're drinking the poison, expecting everything else to die or to shift or to move. But really, at the end of the day, you're. You only have control over you. You don't have control over anything else. So putting the blinders on, it's like this illusion. It's not real. And at the end of the day, you're the one who's going to suffer the consequences, not anybody else. And I think that that's something that we. That becomes hard. You know, I'm a. I'm a two boys, you know, who are now 18 and 15. And one of the things that I'm so grateful for, really, also choosing to become an entrepreneur is I'm in charge of my schedule. I am in charge because now what has become so important to me is to stop living life with blinders on, to stop living on autopilot, to stop thinking that the hustle culture is going to reward me with all this money, because it's not. At the end of the day, it depleted me, and it was making things a lot harder. And I don't know that people necessarily understand that.

Yeah, amazing. Well, when we come back after this commercial break, we're going to talk more about hustle culture and how we can avoid the hustle trap. There's certain moments in our life where we know that things are going to change. That happened to me in August of 2009. My life completely and totally changed forever for the better. I learned about this incredible concept called the infinite banking concept. Becoming your own banker. It was created by R. Nelson Nash. Nelson became my friend and my mentor. I loved him dearly. I now have the blessed life of being able to teach his incredible message, his incredible concept to the people I love to serve. You can learn the all all about it by registering for a free webinar@learnibc.com Go ahead, take the initiative. Start your learning journey now. So how exactly do we get out of hustle culture? How can we focus on living a life that is actually by our design, meeting the things we want to do and not putting it off until tomorrow, but just start to live it today. Now, Wende, you really shared a lot about your experience, the importance of the pause and what you found for your own circumstance and the people that you're serving. There's a common trend of people being caught up in this, you know, the hamster wheel, Whether they're entrepreneurs and high performers or not, everyone's on some Kind of a hamster wheel. The degree and the size of their wheel maybe relative to what's happening in their life and how much pressure they're putting on themselves. So you discussed being able to be more focused and intentional about living a life that you want. Can you expand on that a little bit?

Yeah, you know, I think that. I think that it's. It's interest. Well, a couple things come up for me about this. It's. I think it's. It's very interesting because I think a lot of people want to live a different life than the one that they're actually living. And sometimes I wonder if the life that people project on social media is the one that they want not only other people to believe that they're living, but it's almost like they're trying to convince themselves that that is the reality of their life when it's actually not like that. And I'm totally guilty of that from when I was still married to my first husband. And you know what I call it is, like, we live this. Like, at the time I called it a Facebook facade, and now I would really make it much more generic around it just being so. It's a social media facade, right? Like whenever, you know, it's funny, whenever I see happy families smiling and like, everyone is, like, looking at the camera and like, it's like the perfect family picture. And every time I see those pictures, I literally look at them and I go, yeah, that's a show. That's not real. Like, that's not what's going on now. Prove me wrong. I'm open. But I gotta tell you, that was me. That was me with my perfect family, wanting everyone to think that everything looked that way when inside I was slowly dying. I was miserable in my career. I made a great living, as did my now ex husband. We had two beautiful boys, right? We were the picture perfect family on Facebook, but inside was a totally different picture. And I think that. Or not, I think, like, what I've noticed in. In myself, in, you know, the thousands of women that, you know, I've had the privilege of coaching and working with, is that we've all been living into a version of ourselves that either our family expected us to be, which was very much my situation, and I'll go into that in a second because I think that part of my story is also hugely relatable. But I think that what we also do is we think, well, everyone's used to us showing up this way, and if I change, oh, my God, what is going to Be the impact and who's going to lose out. And so it's like, oh, so you're putting other people ahead of you. So other people should be happy, but you're not gonna be happy, Right? And, you know, it's that metaphor of, like, you put your oxygen mask on first. Like, there's a reason when you're on an airplane with a child that you have to put your oxygen mask on first because if you don't, you are worthless to your child. And if my divorce taught me anything, I mean, it taught me a lot. But the biggest thing it also taught me was the importance of putting myself first. I never put myself first. Never. It was all about my kids. It was all about my husband. It was all about the family. It was all about my career. And guess who suffered and slowly died over the course of two decades. This person. You know, I am first generation, born here in the United States. My grandparents on both sides of my family are Holocaust survivors. They came to this country, and it was all about the American dream fitting in. So here's Wende coming into this world, and I was anything but the, like, ideal cute little girl that was supposed to sit and keep her mouth shut and smile and have the pretty hair and, you know, the. The cute little dress that she had on. My nickname was Monkey. Growing up, I was into everything. I was curious, I was outspoken. And what ends up happening for a lot of us is when we actually, for a lot of us, I'm not going to say everybody, but, like, for a lot of us, what ends up happening is that when we become a version of ourselves, and an adult, a parent, a teacher, a cousin, shut us down, all of a sudden, like, our whole world just shrinks. And I remember being so afraid of being disowned, of not being loved, that I was like, okay, who do you want me to be? And I will be her. Like, I got really. I got really scared that I was going to be disowned by my parents and my grandparents if I didn't. You know, it's like, I think my dad always used to say, like, shape up or ship out was like, the saying that he would always say. And I think that a lot of us are. We have those stories and those trauma responses where we think something negative is going to happen if we actually step out and really own and become who we are. And so to your point, and, you know, to kind of tie up this part of the question that you had asked me, you know, I think that there comes a certain point in everyone's life where you've just had enough, and you start realizing what sacrificing yourself has created. And when you really look at yourself in the mirror, what you start seeing is a version of yourself that not only do you not recognize, but that you're also not really overly proud of. And that was my experience, and it really took a lot of courage and trust for me to start, you know, I don't want to say playing, but, like, really kind of like taking baby steps to start being like, no, I don't want that for lunch today. That doesn't sound good to me. Or my kids saying, you know, I really want this for dinner. And me going, yeah, no, that's just not going to work. Before, I would have been like, whatever you want. Okay, right. Even when it sounded horrible or involved spending money or, you know, whatever the situation is. But I think that what we lose is the ability to really tap into and listen to our voice inside, like, our true voice, not the voice in our head that's been trained to stay on that hamster wheel, but the one that's really inside that's, like, it's been on a whisper. And so a lot of the work that I've honed in on and what I get to do is really helping my clients to turn down the hamster wheel noise. Right. That Facebook facade, to turn that down and to turn up what you really want people to know and see about you. People are coming to social media. Yeah. They want to check in and see what's going on, but, like, stop posting fake stuff that doesn't, you know, that's just not real. But it's hard because you're just like. You like the attention. Did someone like my post? Right. It's like the fomo, and it's the external validation and gratification peace that is, I think, holding us, you know, hostage. I call it the golden handcuffs.

Yeah, very much so. And it's interesting. You talked about setting yourself first, taking a decision about the life that you want to lead. It kind of reminds me of a big move that my family and I did. We moved from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, to a beautiful place called Chilliwack near Vancouver, bc. And we moved because my wife and I had a real good conversation about what kind of life did we want, what lifestyle do we want to have? And do we want to wait 18 years for that lifestyle and then live it and then move away from our kids? Or do we want to start bringing our kids into a lifestyle that we want? And can we do it in this location. And we realized we really weren't going to be able to have the life that we fundamentally wanted, where we were. And so we had to go against some of the conventional wisdom of family and all that stuff to say we're going to pick up everything and move 14 hours away by driving and make that change. But the result of that was a drastically increased lifestyle and things that we get to do on a regular basis that we don't have to wait for now or create a whole bunch of hustle and bustle to try to figure out how to go and do in some other way of our life. And so I really resonate with your message because that's a perfect example in my own life of having to prioritize, what do we want? And then will what we want also be a benefit to the family that we're raising? How could it not be?

Well, and kudos to you and your wife. I mean, that's a really hard conversation to have and one that requires a lot of foresight. And I. And again, like, I just. I don't think that there's a lot of people like you out there that are thinking that far ahead. Right. You guys, it sounds to me, and again, like, this is a lot of the work that I do with people, right, is you had a vision, right? You and your wife shared a vision, a vision for yourselves, a vision for your family. And what I'm hearing you say is that you guys were able to really condense that timeline of it happening by making it happen now. And it took you guys moving your family. And so many of us don't plan that far out. They don't think that far ahead. They don't have a vision for what it is that they want. And this isn't. You can have a vision for five years, 10 years, 15 years, 20 years, whatever it is. But what's so beautiful about what you just shared and that I hope people are hearing and I want to come on top of, is that it's that vision that we. We disconnect from, because I, again, I think it's from that, well, you know, it's not happening. Or I'm, you know, there's these stories running of, like, well, now's not the time. You know, it's just not the right time. I just don't think that this is gonna be best for the kids. Well, if that's your mindset, then of course it's not the right time. Right? And what's beautiful is that you guys changed your mindset and the second you decide the universe rewards you, the universe just makes it happen for you. And I would bet that in your situation, the move was a lot easier because you guys had the vision. You probably had an idea of around where you wanted to live and sort of, you know, and I know with kids, school districts and all, I don't know if Canada is the same way as the U.S. but like, there's just. You guys have this vision and there's something so powerful in that. And to me, that is how you, you make life happen for you versus if you're living day to day, you're not conscious, you're not present, you're letting life run you. And at the end of the day, you guys, we don't know how much longer we have on this earth. I mean, if there's anything my mother taught me before she passed away, it was life is now. You don't know how much time you have left on this earth. My mother was healthy and boom, all of a sudden, within four years, she's gone. Too young.

Right.

I have friends who have husbands who are having heart attacks out of nowhere. You know, if there's anything like, have a vision, have a dream that is possible, like, and dream bigger because you can make anything happen. Like, I do believe in the power of co creation once you set your mind to it, because then all the blocks go into place. Good for you guys.

Amazing. Excited to talk more about dreaming bigger when we come back after these messages. What is this incredible thing called the Colby A Index I keep hearing about? I'm a certified Colby consultant and I can't wait for you to discover what your natural instincts are. It works incredible for teams, for business owners in families with our kids. The more you can develop and understand your knowledge of how you go and get things done in the world and how that happens with the people around you, everything can get so much better. Take the initiative. Learn more about how this might show up in your life. As a certified coach, I'm happy to sit with you and help you understand the depth of your own superpowers. Get the process started by downloading my free guide@coachcanfield.com There's a saying that you should set really, really large goals because there's a lot less competition for them now. I believe that. And there's. There's no such thing as having too big of a goal. There is such a thing as maybe having an unrealistic timeline. Okay? All goals are achievable either through your own power or the power of we I like to call it who power from Dan Sullivan. You know, there's a who that can help you get the how's done. And Wendy, what you're identifying is how you show up a bit as a, as a who to help people get the hows done and, and getting reset and rebalanced in their life and get focused on some of these areas. And circling back to my story about picking up the family and leaving. You know, there was a number of challenges in us doing that. We had to sell a property. In fact, we weren't sure if we were going to do that. We didn't know if we'd like the new area. So we said, well, let's not sell it. Let's. Let's prepare to rent it. Here's all the things we need to do on three and a half acres to get it ready for that endeavor. We're going to go find a place to live, we'll do a one year test. And if we don't like it, the worst case scenario is we come back and through that whole process. Turns out there was this little thing called Covid that came about that interrupted that process a little bit. And so the end result is we did decide to sell our property, but all of that took place. We had set that intention and we said, we're doing this one way or another because we need to know. I would rather live a life where I know and understand rather than always thinking about what could be. And so we just were ready to make that move. Not everyone is ready to make that move. There's things that hold us back. In your work that you do with people, what are you finding, Wendy, is the type of thing that's holding people back from making those big decisions and creating that clarity of vision? Yeah.

I mean, it's twofold. Right. Number one, it's fear. Right. Fear of the unknown. We're all really good storytellers. Our minds are brilliant, aren't they? The scenarios that they paint for us are brilliant. Right. And what I really spend a lot of time coaching my clients around, around is understanding the difference between fear and intuition. Because what your fear is connected to is your ego. Right. That's the voice within you that is like, oh, be careful. Right. You know, all these million things could go wrong. Right. And that's the voice that I was talking about earlier. Right. That's the one that's the volume is like it's up loud. It is like in your ear 24 7. Right. And fear comes with a sensation that is, you know, it's anxiety is loud. It is just. It's ear piercing, right? And it like your shoulders go up and your voice sometimes goes up when the fear starts kicking in versus when you tap into your intuition. Right? So I would bet, Richard, that at some point, you guys heard that whisper inside that was very calm, right? The voice that said, let's just rent for a year. Instead you're sell the property, you need the money, you've gotta buy something else. Right? Versus you can rent for a year. What's the harm in renting for a year? Give it a year test, right? Calm, quiet, ease, flow. Super, but firm. Right? Give it a go, Try it out. Give it a year. And so when you start understanding sort of like the volume, the vibration difference between your fear and your intuition, what you're then able to tap into is your fear is focused on the goal, but your intuition is focused on the intention. I'm so glad you brought that up because that's another big piece that I find that people miss. You know, we're coming up to the new year, and I truly hate, like, yes, that strong of a word. I hate resolutions. Because what that tells me is that you think you did something wrong last year. And what is missing when you make a resolution is not only kindness and forgiveness of yourself, but what is also missing is the sensation. We're coming back to this. The sensation in your body, the feeling inside of you. And what I would bet when you guys set that intention, there was an intention. There was a feeling associated with your decision. And so that decision was then connected to the bigger goal. But it was a focus on the intention. It was a focus on the feeling. We know what the feeling feels like about being in a new area. We're excited about that. And as long as that feeling stays in our body, we know we made the right decision. If the sensation shifts in a year, guess what? We're not stuck here. We can make a change. But let's be real. You guys could have made a change in six months. You could have made a change in two years, right? And so to your point, we get so attached to our timelines when at the end of the day, like, I'm going to go a little spiritual here. We're not in charge of time, whether you guys think we do or not. Humans have created a clock, we have created a calendar. We have created all these things to make us feel a false sense of safety. Or really, it creates a lot of panic in us when we think about time. Right? Think about being up against a clock. About anything and everything. And if there's anything that I've learned is that, you know, the universe doesn't have a clock. The universe's clock is not our clock. And the sooner that you enable yourself to really detach from a timeline per se, but instead tap into the intuition, the sensation, the feelings, the intentions, and you monitor that along the way, as long as you're there, you're going to get everything that you desire. And I think that we. Again, it's coming back such a full circle conversation, Richard. Like we have this instant gratification need. I mean, I see it in my boys. It's crazy. Our technology, our devices, our phones, that ding. Who gets so excited over a ding, right? I don't normally get excited over a ding as much as I used to, but like it's this instant gratification that we have this need to know. It has to happen now, right? And I, and I, and the people that I see having the best lives and having all this, you know, whatever you want to define as success in their life and their business are people who have detached from the need to control the need to know timing and instead stay connected to the energy, the energy of the feelings, the intention, the sensations of what it is that they want to create and that those are the breadcrumbs that you should be following, not the dings on your social media or wanting to brag about something sooner than later. Why is this taking so long? It's gonna take however long it's gonna take, but we give away our power in that process. So the last thing I wanna say about this too is that I don't want people listening to think that you're giving your power away, right? This is what I talk about with regards to the pause. You accelerate having everything you want when you gift yourself with the ability to slow down. The speed is in the slowdown, the shortcut is in the slowdown. Because when you slow down, you are acting more intentionally. When you speed up, you are giving into fear. And guess what you're doing? You're pushing everything you want further and further away from you.

It really sounds to me not unlike the idea of just being, just creating clarity. Like when you're setting a vision or Dan Sullivan a strateg, he has the Dan Sullivan question, which is if, if we were looking back three years from now, today, and what would need to have happened for you to be happy about your progress, fundamentally. And that question is a really powerful question to get people thinking and to start say, okay, well, let me take Myself three years out. And let's do a look back because now you're looking back at a past that hasn't happened yet. But it allows you to get really clear on what would you want to see take place. And so you're going from that intention model. Maybe it's not as clear or specific as like a written down goal, but you have a clear intention and then you can really identify it. And it's an emotional based question what would make you happy with your progress? So progress means something has happened positively, it's moved forward. Happiness means you're really, you're enjoying, you enjoyed the process or what's what the result is and you're able to have that, that kind of focus and clarity. To me, that question is a pause oriented question because you have to turn down the noise of everything else going on in order to even have the presence of mind to think through what that looks like. And I feel to a large degree, Wendy, that's some of what you're saying. It's just giving yourself the capacity to say, look, if I tune everything else out and I just got really clear about what it is that I want and then I include important members of my family or my team or whoever's around me around that discussion and we project forward, we can be moving, marching towards the, you know, you know, we're all playing the same sheet of music somewhat, we're heading towards this intention. There's, there's room in a live band situation for the guitar player to have his solo and a riff. And although it's the same song, that song can be played a little bit differently in a different show and people want to come out to the live show. There's a reason why live shows are popular because there's something unique that's going to happen there versus just listening to the recording. And I feel like there's a lot of similarities to the types of things you're talking about where people can get real clarity by taking that pause moment like you identify and seeing what powerful can come out of this. So that I can do more with less activity somewhat.

Yes. And what I'm also hearing you say, Richard, that I think is a really good point is I think that it's in those unexpected moments, like, you know, like you were saying with like a band, right, where you know, if you're in a rehearsal but you're just like riffing on something, right? And how many times do those riffs become elements that go into a song that are how that band gets known or that particular musician, you know, gets known for their specialty of playing that particular instance instrument. Right. And to equate that to also, you know, I've had these moments where, like, I'm running on the. No joke, I'm running on the treadmill and I am just nourishing myself, nourishing my body, tapping into my. Like, I work out because of how it makes me feel. I don't love getting on. I mean, I, I work out every day and I, I walk every day and I do weights and, you know, I don't do it because I'm like, yes, working out is like the greatest thing ever. If I did, I would be a trainer. I do it because I like how it makes me feel. And it's also the place where I get downloads. I get some of my best business ideas in the shower, on the treadmill, on a walk with my dog. Right. It's in those moments where, like, the pressure's not on you or like you feel like there's something expected of you. It's in those moments of random pauses where you're just in this right in yourself that that's where the magic is. Right. That's where life lives for you. Right. And seeing it as opportunities instead of. I think a lot of people see those moments as like, oh, wasting time or like, I could be doing something else or, you know, how much time do I have left before I have to get on a conference call? Right. It's, you know, it's in those moments where you are just in it. You're present and you're in your body or you're in your music where that's where the magic happens. Right?

Incredible. Well, we're going to talk more about making that magic happen in your life when we come back from this quick break. Check out this great book, Cash Flow Follows the Leader. It's all about uninterrupted daily growth with high cash value life insurance. We unpack what people need to know about how you can grow and store and warehouse your wealth in a totally different way than what we've been trained to do. Go ahead and download a free copy by going to coachcanfield.com cashfollows and get a copy right to your inbox right now. Many years ago, I heard this expression that in order for change to take place, the pain of staying the same must be greater than the pain of change. So in other words, you need to feel this need to break free. And that's kind of going back to that being on autopilot situation. We talked about earlier. You know, you had that experience, Wendy, in your own life, in the story that you share with us. And it sounds like there's been some iterations of that that's happened for you. And I think that is the case for most people. There's another book called that the Obstacle is the Way. And the idea that all of the ideas that generate the world that we live, the products, the services that we use, come from solving some problem, an obstacle. And in your own life, often, you may not know it, but sometimes you're the obstacle. I know for me, I've been the obstacle in Richard's way in a lot of times. And there's some kind of moment that occurs that allows us to move past that. Where I think people and what you're doing in the work that you do is you're helping people understand. You can be more methodical and direct about capturing that moment and almost manufacturing that moment sooner so that you can move forward and create the new way that works for you by being that setting, that clear intention. But we need awareness. There's a component of awareness that's necessary. How would you help someone be able to really get clear on that awareness? You talked about feeling it in your body. Walk us through that a little bit more and help people say, hey, after watching this episode, I can see how I can do this in my own life.

Yeah, you know, this is such a great question. And it's literally what I've been doing for about the last 15 months, personally. So, you know, I. When my mom passed away almost three years ago, I went through another moment of, you know, what am I doing with my life? And I felt like I was confronted with very much the same situation I was when I was leaving and deciding to end my marriage. And it was about three years ago where, you know, I really needed to take a year to deal with my grief, to help my father through a very hard time for him. And when I finally was able to feel like I could come up for air, I was going through my own process of trying to understand kind of, who am I now without, you know, my mom, my best friend, one of my confidants, also tapping into really having a deeper connection to the universe, God, your angels, spirit guides, whatever anybody listening calls it for themselves, a higher power. And I spent that next year after, you know, the year after my mom died, grief, then that next year of really tapping back into me and figuring out what it was that I really wanted to do. And it was in that time period where I started My process of really getting even more honest with myself. And so what I want people to hear right now is that transformation is an always on thing. You are never done. There is never a finite moment or an actual destination that you're going to get to. There are ceilings that you're going to keep breaking through and they're infinite. Sorry if I just burst your bubble, but I'm known for my truth bombs. There are constant ceilings and what I find is that people tend to keep hitting their head against the same ceiling over and over and over again because what is required to break through to your point, is leaning into. You call it pain, I call it discomfort because which pain is uncomfortable? But there's a difference between like real pain and like discomfort, right? There's growth and discomfort. And so a lot of people keep hitting themselves because they're trying to actually like find the shortcut instead of going through. Right. The shortcut is through. And at that moment I knew that, yes, it was time for me to transition my business. But it wasn't a real big transition for me. What I had been doing for seven years in coaching my divorce a clients was really helping them. As you introduced me, they were all high achieving, you know, women who were really just looking to learn how to tap back in and to trust themselves so that they actually had the life that they wanted and tuning back in to their voice. And what I think so many people try to do on their own is they try to, they listen to that voice, but they're listening to the wrong voice. They're listening to the fear, they're not listening to the intuition. And so what I have spent the last 15 months really perfecting, even for myself is going back through and asking myself some really basic questions. Just some really basic, you know, what is it that I really want? What lights me up, what gets me out of bed? What is it about the work that I do that excites me? You know? And yes, I did this back when I was deciding to leave corporate, right? I worked in corporate, I was in ad sales. I built multimillion dollar regions for people I didn't know. I was an actual entrepreneur in corporate America. So coming back to, well, what was I really good at? Relationship building, creating nothing into millions of dollars. I was really good at creative ide, right. Of, of leading teams and inspiring my teams to want to go over and beyond for our clients, right. And so when you tap back into those things, right, Because I was in this, you know, coming back to like having the blinders on, well, everyone Knows me as a divorce coach. I can't, like, I can't go out of the box. But it was like, wait a second. I was coaching people through moments of transition. And sometimes those moments of transition, okay, maybe it's through, you know, someone passing. Maybe it's through you realizing that, like, you want to leave corporate or maybe within corporate, you hate what you do and you want to be doing something else for a different organization or you want to start a new department within your company, right? And so what I've realized is, like, when you go back to the basics of just asking yourself, right? Like, what excites you? Not what are you good at? Because I'm good at a lot of things, but it does not light me up, right? I am great at doing laundry. I hate laundry. I hate folding laundry. I do not write, like, little things, right? Like, I was really good at ad sales, but it literally sucked the life out of me. I was judged by a number every day. I couldn't do it anymore. Divorce coaching. I was showing up to calls and people bashing their spouses. And I was at a point with my ex husband where we. We are like best friends. We are so tight. Great co parenting. I was like, I can't take this anymore. And it wasn't that I had to all of a sudden be like, what am I going to do now? I'm not going to make any money. It was, wait, let's go back to the basics. Wendy, what are you really good at? What do your clients compliment you for all the time? What is it that you excel at for people? And it really is like, I'm really good, really good at helping my clients to take a moment for themselves, AKA get on the phone with me and slow down their mind and to get back in touch with what their truth is and when they can't hear it, Guess who can? I can. Highly intuitive. Have been since I was a very little girl. I can hear things, I see things, and I see my client's path and imagine the difference that it would make if you just slow down and you learned how to ask yourself the same questions. Going back to the basics and tapping into how does it feel when you ask yourself those questions? How does it feel when you are increasing your awareness around what you love, what you don't love, what brings you joy, what makes you unhappy, what gives you anxiety, what lights you up? And coming back to that and understanding that you have the power to do anything you want. You have the power to create anything you want. We live in a world. In a country that has limitless resources and abundance, money is abundant. I have had my best years during what we call recessions because I don't buy into that. My mindset is totally different. And so when you shift your mind into what's possible, into, like, it's an energy that you want people to join in on, that you want people to be a part of. Like, you want your energy to be contagious. And so I would really encourage people who are listening to this, get honest with yourself. Go in. I took two months off. Nothing. I did nothing. And I went in and I did some work, and I didn't love everything that came out of it. I really didn't. I had to face some things that I thought were done, but they were manifesting differently for me in my head, and I cleared it. And then, I kid you not, I. After that, it's been easy. So you don't always know what is in your way, but there are so many other people out there who can help support you get out of your way so that you can start getting back in the driver's seat of your life.

Yeah, I love that. And there's, you know, for myself, the Colby Index is really helpful in that and having a better understanding of. Of what my natural get, my instinctual way of doing things are. And I'd encourage everyone to have that type of a knowledge base. It's a great framework to begin some of that process of identifying, you know, people say strengths and weaknesses. I don't really believe in the strengths and weaknesses so much, but it's like, look, things that you're really good at and things that you're not particularly as good at doesn't mean you can't do them, but they don't necessarily bring you joy or they're not natural. And if you can double down on those other things and you. If you don't know what they are, ask five or 10 people that are close to you, and they will tell you, and you will find a common theme about things that you do really well from their vantage point. And then you can hold on to those things and begin to build a platform of the life that you want by being able to do more of them, especially if there's the things you love and enjoy. So there's things that you're good at, like, say, the laundry, but it's not the thing that you want to be doing. And so you want to identify the difference between those two elements in the way that Wendy identified.

Well, and also, I mean, I'll also bring in, like, I love Colby. I know my Colby score. We can talk about that off air. But, you know, another thing that I'm really fascinated about that I always ask my clients is actually, what is their human design? Because it wasn't until I actually understood my human design that I understood why I shut down at certain times of the day and why I can't push through. I'm a projector. I'm a 2, 4 project. I'm a splenic projector, and I'm a 2, 4. So those of you listening who know that, and once I learned that about myself, I was like, oh, now I understand why I am, like, you know, I need to, like, withdraw during certain points of the. Of the day or, like, why I get overwhelmed when there are a lot of people around me for a long period of time, because I need time to come back into myself. And to your point, I would encourage you guys to not look at it as weaknesses, but instead to understand that you're human and it's okay to ask for what it is that you need and what it is that you don't. Don't own it. You don't need it in your life. You don't. No one's forcing you to do anything. But there's other people who are really good at the things you're not good at. So, you know, farm it out. Figure out how you can get support in those other areas. If you're not good at it, can't be good at everything. I used to be a perfectionist.

There's a who that's out there to help you get those how's.

There's a who. I love that.

According to Dan Sullivan.

Yes, there's a who out there to get you what you want.

So incredible. Wendy, thanks so much for spending this time with us, sharing us.

Thank you.

What really the power and the pause is and how you can activate that power for yourself personally, so you can get more done and have more of the life that you wish to lead. For those of you tuning in, make sure you stay tuned for next week's episode as we continue to unpack these incredible innovations and the challenges that are making the entrepreneurs of tomorrow become so incredible.