Jean Dubois, author of Dads Can't Fix Everything, argues that fathers don't need to solve every problem alone. He says asking for help, especially for mental health, is strength not weakness. Dubois shares how the pressure to be a perpetual fixer leads to burnout and wishes he'd sought help earlier in his own fatherhood.
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When you worry about asking for help, you think, well, is that going to make me feel silly or stupid or whatever, right? But that's not the case a lot of time. People worry about that all the time and they're worrying for nothing.
Our guest is Jean Dubois. He's a father, a husband, the author of Dads Can't Fix Everything. The past eight years, Jean has also been implementing the infinite banking concept as a framework for stability, for control, for peace of mind when life is anything but predictable, as we all know.
My advice to you is don't be scared to ask for help. It doesn't matter what it is, especially on the mental health side of things. You don't have to be the guy all the time. There is somebody out there that can help you. I think the hardest part for a dad, I think, and even just a man in general doesn't have to be a dad, but the instinctive thing to do is to be a protector and a fixer of all things, regardless. And I think the biggest part is you don't have to be the guy all the time. There is somebody out there that can help you no matter what. Even if it's small, if it's minor. I mentioned in the book, like, it could be just, you know, maybe you're, you're not strong on the trade side of things. Like, you're maybe not mechanically inclined. That's fine. Don't make it, don't put that pressure on yourself because you're only gonna make yourself, you're gonna go crazy trying to be that guy all the time. There's somebody out there. So I wish that would have happened to me a bit more, maybe when I was a young dad. You know, you just think you're, you're, you're the guy who's got to fix everything, but you can't, right? So if you're a dad out there that's struggling, my advice to you is don't be scared to ask for help no matter what.
What.
It doesn't matter what it is. Especially on the mental health side of things. Yes, that was kind of where you. It's kind of in the, in the back shadows for many, many years, you know, for guys, right? But it's no more in the forefront. It's on the mainstream. So don't be shy about it, don't be ashamed of it, you know, just, just go ahead, ask for that help you may need.
Love that.
And your bio, when I read, indicated that your story is about the courage to keep showing up. And so what does showing up look like on the days when strength feels entirely unavailable.
To me, that's where you're. You can still tackle the problem, but it's not on your own. So you kind of sit down and say, okay, can I fix this myself? And you say, well, maybe I can. So you make that attempt. And you have to be. My thought is you have to come to the realization that, okay, at this point, what I can do is you're there, but you're also looking for a solution. The solution may not be even be you. The solution could be somebody external, right? External to your life or even if it's a family friend. Hey, can so and so help me if it comes to any other type of thing, just. You just want to. You're still there. You're still guiding the process. You're involved in the process, but you're not necessarily the actual fixer of the problem. Right? That's the important thing you have to remember.
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I'm curious, you know, since, you know, you know, the book was very recently, you know, published, but I'm sure you had a number of people even before you. You went to that launch stage, which on its own is. Is its own kind of a lot of things to do and stuff in there, learning the whole process of publishing. So it's not just writing a book is one step and actually getting that book into the hands of another people is like a whole nother project on its own. But what's been an interesting, you know, couple of comments or things that you've heard from some people that have actually had a chance to. To really dig into the material. And what are some. What are some of the interesting stories that you've heard from people who've had a chance to go through what you've put on, you know, pen to paper on.
Most people have said when after they've read my book is they have learned a lot about me, but they've also learned a lot about themselves that things that they wish they would have thought of themselves at a certain time in their lives, whether it's like, why didn't I even think to go see a hypnotherapist? Or why didn't I think to just ask for help for something like this because maybe they thought they. For, wow, they're going to think I'm not manly enough or not good enough or whatever. It's kind of inspired them to be a bit more open and more willing to ask for that help. Right. And like I mentioned before, it's. It doesn't matter what it is. It could be something super, super simple. And then you, you, when you worry about asking for help this, you think, well, is that going to make me feel silly or stupid or whatever? Right. But that's not the case. A lot of time. People worry about that all the time and they're worrying for nothing. And that was one of the hardest things for me is, oh, I'm not worried about what they're going to think. Forget about that. I think as the older I get, the less I care about what other people think. I'm not sure. Right.
And I think I'm seeing a Venn diagram of some nature that shows that.
Yeah, yeah, exactly. So some of the feedback was, you know, I, I wish, I wish you would have wrote that a little sooner. I mean, there's a lot of other similar material out there, but when it comes from somebody, you know personally. So a lot of the people who have purchased my book and know me personally, and they were, they were, they were actually like, pretty proud of me for coming out and saying what I said and sharing my story. So, you know, that's first. So for me, even that is, Is great because I may have already helped someone. I don't know yet. I can't say if I have or not. But my thought is I have, just based on the feedback I've gotten.
So that's great.
I'm happy about that.
And when you were writing the book and you were in that hotel room and you said, okay, I'm staying here until it's done, who did you picture reading it? Was it a version of you or was it someone else entirely?
Partly it was something I wish I would have read, so I put it out there thinking, I wish I would have had this.
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