From Struggle to Strength Mental Health in the Entrepreneurial World

I have a panic attack. That doesn't really bode well for my ikigai because I love to teach and help other people through my speaking. And there's no better way to fill the other person's emotional bank account than you telling them something that is deep inside your heart.

You mentioned your empathy and your desire to want to help other people, but you're also creating an environment that allows for help to be reciprocated. We're back here with Mark, and he's sharing the incredible impact of the mental health aspects that exist in the entrepreneurial community. Sharing from his own personal experiences. Mark, I'm curious a little bit about how would you find, you know, the circumstances really appearing for you in real time, in the real world? Obviously, there's things that have been there for the past from, you know, different experiences. They kind of like, blossom. They develop more in certain stressful environments. When you're an entrepreneur, stressful environments happen all the time. And so what did you see happen? How would these materialize for you in such a way where you would start to recognize them? And what would you want to maybe have our viewers understand about how to recognize and see it happening in other people?

Until just recently, I've always had a fear of public speaking. And most of the time I talk in front of a group of more than five, I have a panic attack. That doesn't really bode well for my ikigai because I love to teach and help other people through my speaking. So that was very difficult. And in the businesses that I'm in, you have to be front and center. And so it was. It was rough. I would tell you if it was, you know, I. To kind of put things in perspective. I was going to talk to a group of high school students, and it wasn't a large group. I think it was about 15 or 20 of them. And I was talking about how, you know, why you want to find your E guy and what I do for a living. And I just remember having the worst panic attack before I got, not even on stage, into the classroom. Into the classroom, right. So this became very evident. Now. I will say, though, that once I started to feel like it was accepted, then all of a sudden that started to go away and I kind of shifted it in a way and accepted. I mean, because I've kept all these mental health struggles a secret for so long. It wasn't until about, let's see, I was 47 at the time when it was this massive spiral. And I just, you know, it was one on One of my talks, I went outside my comfort zone every single day for 100 days. And then all of a sudden, I told one of my cousins, you know, about everything, about the panic attacks, the suicide ideation, depression, adhd, everything that I was. That was going on. And all of a sudden, it was just like, you know, she told me that she had those same struggles, and it was like, oh, my gosh, that was the best kind of therapy. No pill on the planet could take place of that. And so I slowly, I'm not going to say quickly, but slowly started to see these opportunities where I can share with other people. Because what was happening is because I'm very empathetic. I love to help. And it's like, wow, if I open up like this, that other person would open up and they would get that same feeling as I. Because I got to tell you something, being in this private wealth business for so long, I have to ask the question, which you charitable cause. And they'll say something like, oh, it's this, because I have a story behind it. And I would just. So all those charities that you just listed off, I've donated thousands of thousands of dollars. But not until. Not until I was 47 did I ever tell somebody that I supported mental health charities because I didn't want to get found out. I didn't want that client to find out that, whoa, he's weak, he might jump off a bridge. So I don't want to keep my money here. And, you know, that was just in my head. I remember the day. It was like the day after I told my cousin, I told the client what my cause was and why that completely shifted the way I managed a portfolio, because that client opened up about one of his struggles. So that struggle, by the way, he thought he could achieve it by making more money or by selling his business at a higher price. And I said, no, there's a rare, easier solution, and we could sell that company right now. Why do we kind of keep this inside? Why do we keep it inside? Because we're afraid someone will judge us. That's it right there. And I got to tell you, every single person who I ever said something about my mental health struggles has never, ever walked the other way. Has never, ever walked the other way. In fact, almost all the time. It elevates the relationship. It makes them feel safe as well.

You're creating an environment where you yourself get an opportunity to share what's important, what matters. You're speaking from truth, and you're giving people permission almost for them to be able to do the same thing. And it takes a lot of courage. And you mentioned character earlier. In fact, I had another recent interview with a wonderful gentleman who, who speaks all over the world about the topic of character. His name is Lawrence Reed. He was the president emeritus of the foundation for Economic Education. And when you talk about courage, and I think anyone listening will recognize that it takes a lot of courage to step into a conversation, certainly a room, and to share, you know, some very deep personal aspects about what's going on. A struggle. It's hard to talk about struggles in general, let alone struggles around our mental health. And so I really resonate with the power of that. And you mentioned something as well. And so for our listeners, I'd love for you to share. What exactly is ikigai and why is that important to you? It's a Japanese term that I've learned from you and I think it's important that we share that with who's watching today so they can understand why that term matters.

Thank you, Richard. Yes, Ikigai is actually right. This is, this is it right here. It's tattooed on my arm. This is how I was raised. And on the surface, ikigai means high level purpose. But really, what does high level purpose? What does really ikigai mean? To simplify this, it means doing something that checks off four boxes. It's the hedgehog principle, if you will. So for one, you're doing something that you love. Two, you're doing something that you're pretty darn good at. Right. Number three, you're doing something that makes the world a better place. And number four, it's providing your family with some sort of capital, usually financial or, or emotional. Now, you may say something like this. Well, you playing with Stella, she's my five year old, is not ikigai. Well, yes, it is. Right. Think about all those boxes that are checked. We're getting emotional capital. And by the way, emotional capital creates financial capital, in my opinion, in money.

Well, and you know, one thing I've always talked about is emotional bank accounts. And so you, when you're, when you're stepping into conversations, you're having very in depth and I think the bulk of the world would suggest uncomfortable conversations with people and you're allowing a format for those conversations to exist around mental health and the challenges that we face in that regard. You're creating a deposit in an emotional bank account.

Right.

And the more and more that you make deposits like in any other bank account, the bigger the balance becomes. And then when it's time to make a withdrawal. It's a lot easier to make a withdrawal if there's something in there. If you haven't put anything in the account, there's nothing to draw from. In a way, you mentioned your empathy, your desire to want to help other people, but you're also creating an environment through the action of doing that allows for help to be reciprocated the other direction when the time calls for it. And because of your own internal struggles, you've kind of identified, you know, that there will be a potential time in the future where you might need to draw upon that bank account balance with some of those people on your 911 dial list.

That's correct. That's absolutely correct. Yeah.

So when you think about going through that experience now, and you mentioned, you know, at 47, a lot of this started to occur for you. And just to give people context, I mean, at the age of 47, a lot of life experience has taken place. And, you know, you've been in business a long time, you've helped a lot of businesses, you've grown a family, you're married with children. There's so much taking place. How is it that we should think about people that we know that are in our circles and recognize that they could be at any stage in life and they could be going through something we don't even know is happening in the background? It's kind of like everyone that we see, if we take a scan around, they're all just ducks on a calm pond, but underneath the surface, those feet are just given her.

Yeah, that's a great question, Richard. I think that for one, if for being a depressed person or someone that has suffered from depression all my life, we're the people in the room you never, ever consider to be sad or have any kind of mental struggles. I did a little talk for my oldest daughter and her friends one time, and the premise around it was that I went around the room and said, hey, give me three words that describe me. And it was, you know, I got things like happy, joyful, positive, right. Uplifting. You kind of get the picture of that. No one said depressed. No one said anxious. But it surprised the heck out of them when I told them that I suffer from depression. Just like half the room, actually, as I was talking to. So the things not to do is just say, hey, are you depressed? Right. Don't just go up to your friends and start asking if they're depressed. The best way to do that. And which is why I find just being open book, if I feel safe in a room like I did the other night, two nights ago, am filling in for a dad's group, a very high level dad's group. And I asked that question actually, what is courage and what makes you courageous? Or when were you courageous? And it was. We kept going back to courage is vulnerability. Courage is doing the uncomfortable and showing up as your highest, truest self when you don't want to be your highest and truest self. And so what do I mean by that, though? So when someone asks me a question, I'll tell them the. I'll tell them the honest answer. If someone asked me for a challenge that's going in my life, I'm not going to be like, oh, yeah, you know, Nvidia stock went down today. I will go a lot deeper. And I was like, let me tell you about a panic attack I had about two weeks ago. And that kind of scared me. And that's the best way to have other people, by being honest and your true self and actually being vulnerable about your feelings. There is nothing. No, there is. This is just a beautiful way. You know, we talk about. You talk about emotional bank accounts, right? And there's no better way to fill the other person's emotional bank account than you telling them something that is deep inside your heart, an emotion that they will probably react like, oh, my gosh, now they have, now we have a space that we can all share in.

Amazing. And with that in mind, we're going to circle the wagons and we're going to start getting into the concept, the idea of recovery and how important that's been for you on your journey and the people that you love to serve. Right after these messages.