Overcoming Burnout and Improving Family Relationships With Dana Weinberger

It's not judgment. It's who we are. We only know our way, right? And so if our way goes with someone else's way, that's where we have to come up with strategies.

Welcome back to Innovate and Overcome. On today's episode, I have a special guest. And this guest has a passion for positive change. A seasoned professional with over 30 years of experience in strategic consulting and personal coaching. Her mission is super clear. It's to make the world a better place, one family at a time. Now, Dana is a Colby certified consultant. She does some incredible things as a visionary entrepreneur with youth and with families. We're going to talk a lot about that, especially as we get towards the end of our show. But before we get into all that amazing and good stuff, Dana, first of all, I want to welcome you. And secondly, I'm just excited to talk about your life. Before we hit the record button, you were. You were telling me about how things have occurred over your life, and some degree of them have even been, as you labeled it, a train wreck. And I'm curious, where would you like to start us off?

When I was five years old, my parents got divorced. And one of the things I did was create a family. I didn't have a family, so I had a mom, a dad, and two kids. And of course, the mom always owned the business, by the way. And that was my dream. When I was 18, I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and I was given six months to live. I was told kids are out of the question and if I had a bilateral mastectomy, maybe it would extend my life. So it was. It was horrible, right? My whole dream shattered. Then when I was 25, I got married. And by 28, I had two children. And my children are 11 months apart. Amazing kids now. But it wasn't always that way. I did the best I could. I created a huge business from the outside at everything everyone wanted. Everyone wanted to be Dana except Dana. So I had an aha moment. I was backing out of my driveway and taking my son to football and the old computers, the dos, the do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Everything I did as a mom came up all of my business choices. I was never present with my kids. My children were 12 and 13 at the time. It was crazy. I got depressed. My business suffered. I didn't know what to do. I looked everywhere, and there was nothing. I took some classes. I read books. Nothing seemed to work. And then, from the grace of God, Miguel Ruiz, who wrote the Four Agreements, came into my life. And I started Working on myself, you know, and that's really important because it started with me. And as I worked on myself and everyone around me started to change, my children were happier. My daughter, who at the time was a sophomore in high school, was diagnosed with a learning disability. And as I became more present, I became a better mom. My marriage was a train wreck. Fast forward. I got to do a redo. I have an amazing husband right now. I'm happily married. And with all of Miguel's stuff, the next thing that happened was I became a member of Strategic Coach, and that. That was really my second. Aha. And I did the print, which I thought was great. And then my world blew up. And here's how my world blew up. I took the Colby, and when I took the Colby, I was, oh, it's another assessment. Who cares? Whatever, whatever. It blew my world open. And what I got to see was it's okay to find shiny objects. It's okay to do two pages on a test and not a huge blue book. When I was a kid. So my world really, really changed. So those things were the beginning of my transformation.

First of all, what's incredible for our viewers, who are. They're maybe just starting to learn and get exposed to this thing called the Colby A index. And before we hit the go button, we were comparing indexes here briefly. So I'm a 33886, and you're a. I believe it's a 22394. So once people get their own Colby index, they'll have a better understanding what that that means. And, you know, we have a lot of similarities from that vantage point. We both like to simplify information. We like to move and ad quickly, and. And we. We're pretty good with dealing with, like, risk and. And uncertainty to a large degree, jumping into things kind of right away. But that is definitely not the case with all people. And so, you know, if. If we were to rewind the tape a little bit, take us back to that moment. You're in the car, you're getting ready to back, I'm assuming, back out of your driveway. You've got your son in the car with you, and you're going to football practice. You're getting that opportunity to be mom, do mom things. And, you know, for anyone listening, I'm, you know, we. You've got kids, like, taking people to soccer, hockey, football practice. It's not always all it's cracked up to be. You're there to support and get your kid to the thing that matters. You want to support their Initiatives and doing that. But, you know, often you're maneuvering a lot of things in life. You're juggling hundreds of things at any given moment in time to make sure that you can make it on time, get out the door on time, do all the necessary things to make sure that, that your, your child can have this experience. And a lot of that, I'm sure, is going through your head at this moment. As you're sitting in your car, your hands are on the wheel, you're looking backwards to make sure you're not backing into traffic. How did this, all of a sudden, this picture of your, your life choices show up in your mind?

It was just one of those split second, my kids are screaming and yelling. It was just this opportunity of awareness. And I don't know how it happened, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. And then I started to think about, as an entrepreneur, right? What were some of the behaviors that showed up and that may be important for some people. I would drive my kids to school and they would tell me about their life. Well, I wasn't present. I was quiet. And what was I doing? I wasn't listening to what they were saying. I was listening to, oh, 9 o', clock, I have to make that deal. And what happens if I don't make the deal at 4 o' clock and tomorrow I have to do this. So my brain was so racing that it was really doing a disservice, if you will, to my children and to my marriage. My marriage failed. I was not present. And I think in that moment, for whatever reason, I had no choice but to be present. And then I saw it.

And so, you know, you, you, you obviously needed to get your son to football practice. So while this is happening, I can, I'm trying to, you know, trying to put myself in that scenario. And I can, I can already feel like the type of emotional turmoil that would be occurring within me as I'm having these realizations. And, and so I can imagine that being a bit of a challenging drive, even just to get him to where he needed to be. And I would imagine that that caused a lot of pause and some, some very deep introspection for you, probably for the remainder of the day. And then it, and then it really started to. It sounds like it became a bit of a catalyst for your, your journey of called self discovery, I guess, as, as you started to realize, okay, what, what choices had I been making and what different choices maybe could I be making in the future?

Exactly. And you know, I just remember breaking it was like a horror movie when someone backs up. And I had a really long driveway at the time, and I just slammed on the brakes and I had to get my composure and I. Control freak. I know that's, you know, an entrepreneurial trait for most of us, right? I'm a control freak. So I couldn't show it. I had to hold it inside. And I remember driving to football practice, and when we got there again, grace of God, one of my daughter's friends was there, so she happened to get out of the car, and I remember screaming the loudest I ever have in my life in the car. I don't know why I screamed. I just. And then I broke down and I totally broke down, and I had no choice going home. But to be honest with my kids, and that was so important. And they knew it. They were like, my son kept saying, mom, you never listen. Like, this isn't anything new. That made it terrible, right? Like, oh, my goodness.

Wow.

So on the way home, I broke down and told my kids and I was just. Again, then I went to depression, you know, and it was hard for my kids because they lived this life. I just had the awareness, you know, and for. It's not about guilt and shame. And I think that's really important. One of the things I learned from Miguel Louise, was until you're aware, you can't be responsible. So once I became aware, now I have to be responsible. But I didn't have that tool. So of course I was beating myself up. The guilt, the shame, everything else. Yeah, so.

And in that, I mean, difficult conversation with. With your kids, but a critically important conversation. And I'm curious, you know, because again, we. We've glossed over so many amazing things that have happened to you that these, these. This incredible journey, even the fact that you have K again. Before we hit the record button, you were. You were talking about how that wasn't even going to be possible. You were told it wasn't possible because of your early stage breast cancer that you had. So here you are. You're a cancer survivor. You're. You're you now moving forward in life. You have this dream of creating a family because you, you yourself didn't have the family that you wanted. So there's like these. These interconnected chain of life circumstances that seem to. Although they're spread out over long time frames, often I think the human brain, we're so focused on what's taking place in the now right now, and. And we have a little bit of reflection on recent past events. But we're not necessarily gluing them all together. We don't see them happen. Like sometimes things that happened four years ago, how that connects to what happened yesterday. And there's, there's an importance in that reflection to be able to say, okay, choices that I made way back here that's, you know, now coming either to fruition, whether it's positively or potentially negatively in your life in the now. And oh boy, I better become aware of that because I have four more in four more years. This could happen again if I'm not careful.

Correct. You know, there's a saying of, I think, oh my gosh, I've become my mother. And I think that, that, you know, as a parent, you know, without judgment, who do we learn from? We learn from our parents, we learn from the people around us. So we can only be responsible again when we're aware. But it's a lot of subconscious. So I became a parent. I actually became my mother, who I was. My dad's the entrepreneurial executive, but I actually became my mom. I was doing a lot of things my mother was doing that I swore I'd never do. But again, that's all I knew.

Your experience, you mentioned going into a bit of a depression. You were running a successful business, you had a lot going on. And again, something that people would, from the outside looking in, they would think, wow, everything is amazing. Things are going great with Dana. How did that begin to unravel, unpack in your business life?

I had to be honest with myself. And as I realized I wasn't authentic, my business started to fail. So when I put the mask on, the business was great, but I was miserable inside. So I had to make a really tough choice of do I want to be happy? Miguel says, do you want to be happy or not? I wanted to be happy. So as hard as it was, I knew I had to make a change which cost a lot of business. Because when I was depressed, I wasn't following up and doing what I should do. So I have to take responsibility for that. The other is, I believe you attract what you're looking for. And as I changed what I wanted to attract, the clients that didn't fit that criteria started dropping off.

Self selection process to some degree.

Yes. Correct. And you have to. I had a trust. I had a really trust that the right thing was going to happen. And in that trust, I had to show up.

We're talking about this as though it happened overnight, but we know that's not the case. This is something that stretched out over a period of time. And how long was it before you started to see the impact of those decisions and then having the right people that you are attracting start to show up for you?

Initially, I would say the first year, that was the big train wreck. Everything fell apart. Everything. And it was just my family got worse, actually got worse. And then as I started to make steps and again, I'm a quick start. I want everything to happen yesterday. It's not going to. That's not the way it is. Right. It took 12, 13 years to create, plus the five years of my marriage before I can't invent Roman a day. Right. So I would say the first year was it was really bad. And then by the second year, I started to make changes. And by the second year, it started to build up again. And the third year when I really started to take responsibility for Dana and really show up and do Miguel's the four agreements work, then my business went back to where it was. And it was interesting because between the third and five year, my business doubled.

Wow, that's incredible. And on that note, we're going to hear more about how Dana's story continued to progress after she made this incredible change in her life. We'll be right back after these messages. There's certain moments in our life where we know that things are going to change. That happened to me in August of 2009. My life completely and totally changed forever for the better. I learned about this incredible concept called the infinite banking concept. Becoming your own banker. It was created by R. Nelson Nash. Nelson became my friend and my mentor. I loved him dearly. I now have the blessed life of being able to teach his incredible message, his incredible concept to the people I love to serve. You can learn all about it by registering for a free webinar@learnibc.com Go ahead, take the initiative. Start your learning journey now. Welcome back to the show. We're here talking with Dana Weinberger about her incredible journey in life, her entrepreneurial challenges, her family challenges. And we're at this point, Dana, where returning from the break, you talked about how your business started to double after this one year of a major transition, you know, figuring out your way through the new world of life. And you talked about Miguel Ruiz and the four agreements and how that was so instrumental in this change for you. But we weren't done because after your business started to be, you know, ramp back up and get to this amazing location, something else began to transition in your life. So walk us through what, what was the next impetus of of life's change.

Okay. So as I worked with Miguel and realized it would change people, it became a facilitator for him. And I took a group to Mexico, and while I was there, there was another group. But I happened to meet my now husband. So we. We met, we dated. He lived in Tucson, Arizona, and I lived in Connecticut. And we decided that maybe we would do something. And I went home and had a conversation with my kids, and we all realized that a move across country would be a good thing. They were at the point. My daughter was going into high school, My son was in eighth grade, and it was the perfect time. We were at the point that we were a new family. We were different than what we were in Connecticut. So I picked up my family, sold my business, gave up everything, and moved to Arizona and dated and inevitably got married.

That's a big move. I mean, you know, I like how you just kind of drop that you sold your business. But anyone who's actually either looked at purchasing or selling a business, it usually doesn't just kind of happen as quickly as that. So, first of all, there's a decision that you need to do it, and then there's. There's. There's actually manifesting how you're going to create that. That sale. So it sounds like this happened in a reasonably short time frame. Now, maybe this is partly because of your. Your amazing Colby strengths that you have and your ability to adapt quickly, simplify information and. And move quickly to change. So did it happen that quickly? You know, you had the decision discussion with the kids. Everyone was on board. First of all, I love that you got the family to all be in agreement with this. This adjustment. And so you're really making a decision as a family unit to make this change in life. So how was it you were able to sell the business so quickly?

If it was five years before, I would not sit down with my children, and my children didn't have the final say, but they had to be heard. That's really important. Okay. Because that's how far I came from where I was to that particular time in space. So I had great people that worked for me, and I knew that they could all come together and purchase the business. And I just said, what the heck, I'm taking the risk. Which, again, a 2394. One of the advantages is, and I love it, is I don't have the fear that many people have. I just do it, and then later the fear comes. Don't get me wrong, there's still fear, but it doesn't come before, it comes after.

Decision first, deal with what happens afterwards after.

Exactly, exactly. And it's always worked for me, you know, it's always worked.

And so in, you know, moving to Tucson now, you know, pretty good distance, you know, from where you were before. You're moving away from other, maybe other family members, other resources. Kids are out of, out of the sports that they were in their different schools. So there's a lot, you know, that's a lot of change. Anyone who's experienced a big move with a family can understand that. And of course a new relationship which is blossoming, which is fantastic. And so you did you, you know, what were you doing at that point? Did you decide it was time to start up a brand new business? Did you decide to go and do the exact same thing you were doing before? How did that transpire?

So I decided to start another recruiting firm. And again, one of the things I learned from strategic coaches, once you do it Once, you can 10x it very quickly the next time. So I started a recruiting firm that became very successful. Here's the difference. I learned that I can use who's. I didn't have to do it myself. So there's other people that could support the pieces I didn't want to do. And that was the difference. And what it did was it freed up time so I could create this new relationship. I was then a better mom for my children. As I said, my daughter was diagnosed with a learning disability. That was when we came to Arizona and it changed her life. And I do need to say at the end of that little bit of a rainbow, my kids are pretty terrific kids. My son and I'll be a proud mama, is a Navy JAG officer. His career is really defending the US and my daughter, who is now my co founder of our family business that we've created, is an occupational therapist. And what's important is the learning disability. Came her sophomore year, fast forward. She ended up going to NYU and Columbia and got her master's with honors once I was present.

Oh, amazing.

And that really, once we moved to Arizona, it became when we were in a new environment and I had new tools and I was there for her. That was the result of that.

There's a lot of parents probably watching who are familiar, either maybe they've personally experienced a learning disability or they have family members, maybe their own children perhaps who are going through that experience. And I think, you know, in this day and age, things like, you know, add, adhd, these are very common terms that we hear there Seems to be a rapid increase in diagnoses about that type of an environment. What would you say that other than being present, you mentioned that you had better tools. So maybe expand a little bit on the tools that you were able to utilize in your toolbox as a mom. Now with, even though you're starting a new business, you know, anyone who started business thinks, oh my God, it's so much work. How are we going to get that done? But you weren't starting a business that A, you hadn't done before and B, you weren't doing it the same way. So there's, there's several things happening here. One, you've got a new toolbox, right? Part of the toolbox is what you use to help facilitate your, your daughter's, you know, growth and, and, and investing in her own education. The other part is the toolbox that you have now for your business life. You mentioned Dan Sullivan, big shout out to Dan Sullivan Strategic Coach Organization. But you mentioned who Power. So for anyone who doesn't know the amazing, incredible book who not how will help you discover really what who Power is. So you have the, the convergence of these different toolboxes coming together. A new business toolbox provided by Strategic Coach and you're learning there and then this toolbox that you're using to help dive into, provide more assistance. Be extremely present as a mother in helping your daughter through this, this journey of, you know, stepping into a high school environment.

Right.

Walk us through how you were able to put these pieces together.

Okay. So the most important thing was I again not only was present, but I learned how to listen to my children. And when you talk about who, one of the things that I would do, Miguel calls it recapitulation. But at the end of the day, every night, as silly as it sounds, I had a little notebook and I wrote down what worked and what didn't work with my kids. And if I couldn't solve the problem, I would find someone that could be it. Then that's how we ended up with a learning specialist. So I was able to identify by just being aware and seeing what the problem was. The other thing I did, and I tell my clients this is a non negotiable, three nights a week you have dinner together and you listen to. So I was able to hear what was going on in their world. And trust me, going to new school, there was a lot of struggles in the beginning. And I think both of my children would tell you it was the best thing that ever happened to them. They learned how to deal with change and uncertainty at a very young age, not when they're 30, 40, and 50.

There's something so interesting about this and the simplicity of having dinner at least three times a week. I mean, in the busyness of the world today, I think it's a lot less common than it certainly once was. I know even for myself, growing up was very common to have that. And I grew up in a family oriented business, so I'm familiar with some of the challenges that you've identified here. What I also think is kind of interesting, you know, again, we had a chance to talk at one of our breaks here about your own children and what their own Colby A Index is. And so yours and theirs are virtually almost kind of opposite spectrum, and they have incredible and unique superpowers. All the Colby index is helping us discover is our instinctual way of getting things accomplished. It's really our natural way of going about the world. And because theirs are fundamentally very different than yours, that could have led to a lot of the chaos that you experienced early on in life. So now that you were a better listener, you were more intentional about that. I'm guessing you started to see and maybe begin to pick up on some of these things in your kids in a way that you hadn't been seeing before.

Absolutely. And I didn't until I gave them their cold days later, which we can address in another part of this. But I didn't understand, but it was what was happening. So when my daughter would say to me, mom, I need to sit down and be quiet to do my homework, and I'd say, wait a minute, can you go in the back of the car? I got to take your brother to football. Okay, there you go. No, she needed structure. So her voicing that I had to listen. And I didn't over commit my kids. You know, I have two, three nephews and a niece. Everybody's over committed. So when you talk about dinner, when you talk about these things, it's the over committing. What does that look like? And I refuse to overcommit my kids in high school. I said, I'm not doing it. I want to spend time with my children.

I think what you mean by over committing, that's like getting them involved in every program under the sun.

And there's no time.

You're running back and forth, you're in the car, you're going to this, you're going to that. You're always trying to make ends meet, and so you're giving them lots of opportunity. But it also can create a lot of extra stress and almost pressure, probably for them to perform, but also for you as a mother to perform to make sure that it can actually happen.

You know, handing a child Chick fil a in the back as you're driving, that's not dinner, you know, and even this. And dinner doesn't have to be two hours, but even a 30 minute dinner or 30 minutes in the car. And if you're in the car going to activities, what are you doing? So I didn't listen to music. Once in a while we jam. We turn it loud and we're all singing. But if we're not jamming, the music's off. And if it's quiet, kids don't like quiet. If they don't have their phones, they'll talk. So instead of staring at a screen, it's okay.

Let's utilize this time and the types of memories that that created for you, both you and your kids. What would you place, what value would you place on that? You know, for people who are listening right now, recognizing the importance of putting these types of small changes into place, what value has that really created for you?

I have an amazing relationship with my children. My daughter is my co founder. My son, we go on vacation all the time. My husband, I love him to death, will say, do we ever go without the kids? No. And he has a son and he's just involved. No. Why would we go on vacation without our children? What's wrong with that? So my children enjoy spending time with me. I taught them it was okay to do that.

Well, on that note, we talked a lot about Colby A. We're going to talk a lot more about it when we come back so we can have a deep discussion about the youth program available. And thank you so much, Dana. We'll be back after these short messages. What is this incredible thing called the Colby A Index I keep hearing about? I'm a certified Colby consultant and I can't wait for you to discover what your natural instincts are. Works incredible for teams, for business owners, in families with our kids, the more you can develop and understand your knowledge of how you go and get things done in the world and how that happens with the people around you. Everything can get so much better. Take the initiative. Learn more about how this might show up in your life. As a certified coach, I'm happy to sit with you and help you understand the depth of your own superpowers. Get the process started by downloading my free guide@coachcanfield.com welcome back to the program. Now, Dana, we were talking about These incredible changes you started to see in your own children, the, the depth and the changes in your relationship with them, how that's created an incredible future for you. The, the memories, the vacations, the things you're able to do today that you really weren't creating earlier on, even though you were very successful in business. I say successful. What I mean by that is successful from the vantage point of what the world thinks, not from the vantage point of how you felt as you've indicated. You know, Kathy, Colby talks about what she thinks success is, and it's really the ability, the freedom, the ability to be yourself. And, you know, being Colby certified, you made the decision after learning this game changing thing of what Colby was for you, and you started to unpack that. You made the decision to go get certified, and now you're certified as a youth specialist in that with, with your new business. Talk to us a little bit about thinking back on the experience with your kids when they were young. What are the things now as you're doing this work on yourself, you're learning more about how you show up in the world, and then you start to put the pieces together of how you were showing up for them versus what they needed in the past. Talk to us a little bit more about some of those discoveries.

Okay, so my behavior. So as a quick start, everything is last minute. And I remember, and my son is a fact finder, follow through. And I remember once him saying to me, why do you have to wash my football uniform at 4am because when I put it on, mom, it's still damp. And I'm thinking, what's wrong with you? I'm washing your clothes. Things like, you know, and it was important to him, he would have done it the night before test taking, which the way I have my children, I would over commit them and have them study the night before a test. My daughter, follow through, fact finder. My son, fact finder, follow through. That doesn't work. So if I knew what I knew now, I would have changed. I would have said, okay, what works for you? What if we study on Monday through Friday? One of the wonderful things that Colby does and for youth certification is we learn tips and tricks. We learn how to work with different kids. Which as a mom, for me, what I experienced, it was kind of mind blowing. You know, my daughter, she needs a quiet space. As I said, you know, telling her to do a homework in the back of a car isn't fair to her. Right? My, my son fact finding. So he'll do a paper and I'LL look at it and go, it's great. Well, mommy didn't read it. Yeah, I did. I skimmed it. No, no, I need you to read it. He needed me to read every and if and, but. And I read the first and last line. And when I read it, what do you want me to tell you? Those kinds of things. And it doesn't help with, if I look back, it didn't help with their self esteem because their brain thought this is the right way to do it. My brain thought this is the way to do it. And by not being a mom and showing up, I was making them feel they were not enough.

And for people who maybe aren't familiar, there's a bit of, I'll, I'll call it, you know, using myself as an example, accelerated chaos that can get created in, in a, in a high, quick start initiating environment. So when, when you have, in the quick start zone, if you're very high or there really is no high and low, but if you, if you're, if you're initiating in that zone, it tends to have a need to race the clock, do things at the last minute. For me, it can create a lot of chaos, but it also creates a lot of unique advantages. And so you see in your own world. I see in my world, wow. Here's how that advantage showed up for me. Here's how that turned into a successful venture. Here's how that turned into this positive thing. And I assume, well, because that worked for me, man, that must work for other people. But the reality is their way of doing it is so different. And it will also work for them. But it only really works for them at a successful ventures if they're able to do it in their own way. Otherwise, it's kind of like they're working against their own strengths. It's like a head smashing itself up against the wall is really what takes place. And so Colby helps us identify these things. And when you have that awareness and that knowledge, it really begins to open up doorways, especially doorways of conversation.

I agree. You know, we're talking about youth. I think couples are important, too. So let me tell you about my husband. So now I move cross country, and my husband happens to be a fact finder. Quickstart first is his fact finder. So now I've got three of them that I'm living with that all want to find facts, talk about chaos. And then they would gang up on me. And I'm already aware of all this. I wasn't aware of the Colby, but aware that my kids act very similar to him, not me. So it's really important to look at that and to take it a step further. I'm ready to take a risk. I moved cross country in six months. I sold a business. My husband was panicking. Like, it's not your business. Do you want me to move to Arizona or not? Like, are we doing this or not? And he's like, oh, wait, but did you research? Research what? So that's the difference. So, but that's important because if you don't respect the other person, that's where chaos and drama comes in. It's respecting where they are. You know, my marriage, my husband, oh, my goodness, I can tell you stories. He loves to talk. He will give me more facts. And I'm just like, can I have the bottom line? So we've come up with a strategy. When it's too much, can I have the bottom line? And he gets. You can see it, you know, not. It goes against him in a way, but at the same time, we want to be married. So it's okay. Let me give you less facts. When I'm explaining something to him, he'll say a little more facts. Just a little. Doesn't have to be 10, but can I have five?

Yeah. So you're able to negotiate in the way that you best love to learn and accept things. And that awareness of it gives you, you know, it's like having. It's like living maybe in a household where you have people speaking two different languages. Correct. But if they're speaking the same language, communication goes up quite a bit. And, you know, the, the Colby A index is almost like an understanding and knowing about it, knowing what it means, knowing how it interacts with other people can create that. That accelerated. It's like adding a new language level on top of what you already know. At least that's kind of how I feel. Would you concur with that?

I not only concur, but that is one of the first things that we discuss in. For families that work with us, we are going to give you a language of communication that is exactly what it is, 100%. Because if you understand how the other person acts, you see it in a different light. If you don't understand, you take it personally. Back to Miguel's four agreements. So once you take it personally, stress, chaos and drama happens either with your kids or with your husband, with your wife, or even worse at work. Right. So now you've got all of this craziness, and it happens everywhere.

And so when you you know, we've talked a lot about how this started to develop an impact and then really expand relationships within your family circle and that your new business, which you'd started, you did it in such a way where you had created intentional time because you, you're really putting your family first in the business a second in that you weren't the one focusing your energy and efforts there because you had people to do a lot of that for you. How did you start to see, you know, the, the Colby index take hold and operate for you in that new business venture that you started after the move?

So I realized what I couldn't do, what I, I could do. I, I'm saying it wrong. Could I do paperwork? Absolutely. Am I awful at it? Yes, I am. So if I can hire someone to do paperwork, that will free me up to either make more money in the business or better yet, go to Disney. My family is a big Disney family. I can go to Disney for a week. Why wouldn't I do that? That's a no brainer, you know, So I look at those things that I don't find facts. If I have to make a decision in my business, you do not want me finding the facts because I'll wing it. I will not do it right. So let me find someone that can find the facts and then I'm not putting my business at risk.

And so were you, were you using the, the different Colby tools at that point? This is probably before you got certified, or is it correct? Okay, so you're, you're, you have this knowledge base, but you don't have the depth of it. And so you're, you're, you're still kind of shooting up by the hip a little bit, which is going to be Dana's, Dana's style.

Dana's style.

But you were aware and you had this recognition. So where was the point in time where you started to say, you know what, this is working for me. I need to, I need to go deeper into this. I need to actually get more involved in this environment. How did, how did that start to show up for you in life?

When I, when Miguel's work, as I said, when that showed up and I started to really embrace that, I have the belief that once you teach, you become better at it if you can teach it to someone else. So with the Colby I was at, somebody from Colby actually approached me and said, you should be certified. And I said, okay, I'm good with that. I had no idea at first what it meant. And then I realized, wow, if I can teach this to someone else. One, I get better and I can also share my strengths and hopes and visions and everything that worked for me and I can share what didn't work for me. And then I'm not. They're not wasting as much time and effort that I went through. If it didn't work, why do it? Don't reinvent the wheel. So then I noticed that I could become other people's who's.

What's an example of being someone else's Who We've talked about you having who's. Give our viewers an idea, a taste of what it means for you to be relied upon to be the who for someone else.

Okay, so if a client comes to me with a child with a problem, I don't want to use the word problem. They're struggling. If a child is struggling with something and the parent can't solve it. So I'll give you an example of how I've solved it and it may help some of your viewers that have children. So I had a kid that couldn't get his homework in his backpack. Quick start, couldn't do it. And no matter what, he was getting season Ds not because he wasn't getting A's on the test, but because he wasn't getting his homework in. So we had a conversation and I said, what's your lucky number? And he said eight. But okay, here's a strategy. At eight minutes before the hour, because they left for school at 8am no matter what you're doing, you get to drop and go put your homework in your backpack, set an alarm on your phone. And he said, so if mom's talking to me, I could just leave? Absolutely. Now let me be clear. I did get permission from the parents before we put this strategy in place. Once we started doing it. Straight A's this year. Straight A's. So it's. And so the mom didn't have a who. Right? The mom had no way of solving the problem. So if you can't solve the problem, why stress over it? I guarantee you there is another person on this planet that can solve that problem.

Well, that's the power of collaboration. It's also the power of having in depth knowledge and working with the right who's to identify. So if you can identify the problem, you can now find someone who already maybe has solved that solution or will bring in a boatload of ideas on how you can do it. And with that in mind, when we come back from our next break, we're going to dig deep into what does it look like to help families really discover the power of this type of conversation so that the youth of tomorrow can accelerate their bigger future? After these messages, check out this great book, Cash Follows the Leader. It's all about uninterrupted daily growth. With high cash value life insurance, we unpack what people need to know about how you can grow and store and warehouse your wealth in a totally different way than what we've been trained to do. Go ahead and download a free copy by going to coachcanfield.com cash follows and get a copy right to your inbox right now. Welcome back to the show. Now we've got Dan Weinberger with us here and we're discussing the importance of having the youth of tomorrow and the parents that are serving and developing that youth be on the same page. Being able to talk and communicate in a way that really elevates their ability to understand one another. Now, this is something that you are focused on. You've got a whole business structure around this and coaching and developing families. You have a seven step program. And a lot of this is coming from your own past experience that you these re revelations, these realizations that you've had over this, this lifespan, working with your own children. And so I'm really curious, how did this new venture, this new business start? And then we'll talk a little bit about what youth the youth certification for Colby and how that plays a role. But let's begin with what was the impetus of creating this new business structure.

So, as I said, my daughter graduated from Columbia with an occupational therapy degree. And we were talking about two and a half years ago when I said, huh? I'm a certified business coach. I've done executive recruiting. I know the entrepreneurial world. And you have strategies in your occupational therapy career, working with all ages. We should create a business. So I'm ready to start tomorrow. My daughter, of course, says, what is it going to look like? Remember, we follow through fact finder and tell me what my role is going to be and what's your role going to be? And it was very interesting where I went into old patterns. At first I was like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And she's like, mom, mom. Okay, one at a time. So we got together. I was already Colby certified and youth certified just because I could do the youth. And I thought it would be cool. And she became certified and we realized that all of our passions, all of our life purpose, if you will. It sounds a little corny, but it's the way I feel. We could really put it in a vac, shake it up and change families. They don't have to experience the chaos drama that we did. So I come into it with my business acumen and all that kind of stuff, and she comes into it and a mom, that's really important, a mom that experienced it, and she comes in as the child that experienced it from a child perspective and is now an adult. She's 31.

You know, often you'll, you'll see, let's say a counselor or something. You're getting the perspective of one person and although it's valid and it might be great level of expertise, it's not necessarily being able to meet people where they're at. And so when you have that child's experience coming in and you're working with children, I can see how there's such a high degree of maybe conversational potential that can exist in a way, a relatability that otherwise wouldn't exist. So this sounds fascinating. So it's been about two years that you guys have launched this new platform. And what's an example of how you would, you know, why would a family reach out for the services? Is there a struggle that they're having? And there says, you know what, if only we could communicate better. And boom, they come across and they find Dana and her daughter and their great business. How are we getting people to take part in these incredible workshops, discussions, these, these, these seven step program that you've built so that they can really understand to communicate better.

So it's interesting you use the word communicate. I wish I had clients that. So we don't communicate better. I don't think people identify as that. Okay. I think what they do is they look at the issues. So the issues that I hear all the time, my kids, I can't go on vacation without my kids causing craziness. There's always a problem. I just want to do something nice. My wife says or my husband says, the significant other. We have no time together because of the children. People don't parent the same. What happens with an entrepreneur is we're control people, Right. So if the spouse is home taking care of the kids and the entrepreneur then enters that world, they're used to controlling the environment. Wow, okay. Talk about a little different. Because nobody does it the same way. Nobody's called these the same. So what we see is there's always a, a conflict of some sort or a stress. A child's bullied, and I just had a family that their kid is bullied and the husband wants of Course, one way, and the wife wants it the other way. And the grandmother also lives with them once in a third way. So those kinds of issues, electronics, cell phones, the kid, nobody. The kids say, I don't hear that. The children say, mom doesn't listen to me. You know, why won't my kids respect me? No, respect is a big thing these days. You know, kids are a lot different now than they were 50 years ago. I also think that as we move faster as a society, the issues become intensified. They're bigger, they're bigger. I see kids with depression. It breaks my heart. There's a lot of depression. There's a lot of, I don't feel good about myself. It's the not good enough, you know, And I think that not good enough is such an issue that we need to address. And I look at that with every single person I work with, because everybody feels it. It's who we are. And you've experienced it sometime in your life. A lot of times it's when you're a kid. So if we can get kids to think they're good enough at age 10, 11 and 12, wow, is the world going to change?

And so you mentioned age 10, 11 and 12. Obviously we want to start as early as we can in that, but there's, there's certain knowledge base, a level of experience I think, that, you know, not only parents need to have about working with their own kids, and kids need to have about what's, what's coming up for them in the world that they're living in to be able to start to have these more, more in depth conversations. And, and the youth, Colby, youth aspect is really geared for people roughly around the age of 10. I mean, it can be done a little bit earlier, but, right. It's focused on that 10 year old model and then, and then up. And so once you begin to have a better understanding of their instinctual way, their instinctual strength, everyone has these unique superpowers. And so what, what, what are you finding as the, the children are discovering this for themselves and having a bit of an idea, a bit of a roadmap on how they get things. They're getting that validation and then you're able to have discussions with the parents to show them what that validation can look like and what it means. And so, so what are you hearing from families as they go through this process?

Very rarely do I not hear the same reaction from a 10 year old and a 50 year old. Wow. When they take the Colby, it's so eye opening that it Gives them permission, the freedom to be themselves, as Kathy Colby says, and that just opens the door. So then there becomes a level of comfort. So what we do is we have a session where we really dig in so you understand. And we do it with a 10 year old and we do it with the parents that may be 20, 30, 40, 50, whatever they are. So if you understand yourself, you can then identify where the conflicts are. So what usually happens is you come in thinking it's one thing and it isn't that at all. It's something so different. And when we work one on one and you learn about yourself, we then give, everybody gets a strategy in our program. We give you some strategies to work on yourself that you can then work with your family, blah, blah, blah, work out in the real world, whatever it is. And then we get the families together. And when you put a group of families together, it's very similar to what Colby does with companies. Where are the strengths, what do we need to work on? And when the kids see that and when the adults see that, it's that aha moment of oh, maybe it isn't just that you're on electronics all the time and it's usually a lot more, but you get to open the door and the Colby opens that door because you get to see again where the stress and the chaos become so. And so we meet with everybody and we also meet with the parents and give them an idea of this is who your child is and this is a better way of working with them based on who they are. And then we take it a step further based on Dana. So if you were to work, if I was a client, I would maybe say washing your son's uniform at 4 in the morning, probably not a good idea because then that causes the ripple effect of all the other chaos and drama.

The strategy of being able to pinpoint like very specific stressors that are occurring and what's a, what's a method, a specific, like ultra specific strategy that that parent can use in working with that child. And, and to a degree I would imagine vice versa, a child strategy that they can use to communicate or specify or advocate maybe for their need to do things a certain way and, and have it be actually received by their parents or perhaps even a teacher or someone that is, it was an adult figure in their life.

So let me give you an example that people can probably relate to homework and test taking. So I had a client a couple weeks ago who had a test on a Friday and one of the parents was a high fact Finder. This particular child was the same Colby as I am, which is very interesting. And on Monday kept getting on this child, you have to study, you have to study, you have to study. And meanwhile, the child just wanted to study on Thursday night would have been fine. And then said, last time you took the test, you got to see. Well, yeah, last time the child used your way and your way didn't necessarily work. So we said, let's take a risk. Which was interesting for a fact finding follow up group. I know it's hard, but let's try to listen to the child. And they ended up passing the test. Of course they passed the test. They did it their way. They had the freedom to be themselves.

And did the child already know that? They just wanted to kind of do that last minute cramming. Like they, they knew that that would be the thing that would make the most sense for them.

And instead it was negotiating. And it got to mom saying, well, you can have another hour of video games if you study for this hour. Okay, sure, I'll take the hour of video games, you know, and I'll take my shortcut and I'll just stand there, read, whatever. Sure, I'll do that, you know. So the kid did what they were supposed to, but it wasn't useful for the child at all.

Yeah, someone with a, with a, with a Danny Dana style or a Richard style, Colby is going to find a shortcut, that's for sure.

We only know our way. Right. And so if our way goes with someone else's way, that's where we have to come up with strategies. Neither way is right or wrong. It's not a matter of right or wrong. They're both right. It's just being able to have it done in a. So everybody agrees on the way it's done.

The power of negotiation, something that you learn a lot about in, in business and not really a lot of formalized. There is formalized training, but not many people actually get a chance to go through that. So we're, we're having negotiations at every stage in life using this powerful language, having people on the same, reading the same sheet of music. You know, if you had two in people paying instruments and they're trying to play the same song, or they, they think they're playing the same song, but they're actually reading off two different sheets of music, it's not going to sound very good. And that's the level of clarity and, and power that can come from having this incredible Colby index both at the, at the. You and me level and at the child level to have these wonderful conversations. Well, Dana, I so appreciate what you and your daughter up to. I love the fact that you're on a mission to help change and improve family lives and do it in such a way where it can have a real impact, a lasting legacy impact for people in the world. Congratulations for everything. Thanks for being on our program and sharing your journey, your story so that you can inspire entrepreneurs into the future. And for everyone watching, stay tuned for next week's incredible episode.