A Single Mom Story About POM and Her Transformation

Hello everybody and welcome back to the Parent Whisperer podcast. I'm Richard R Ramos, and today I have a special guest, somebody I'm excited to introduce you to. Uh, her name is Amanda Cooper, and the reason I asked her and invited her to be on our show today is because She has gone through Parents on a Mission, and years ago— it's been years, years— uh, so I want to tell her— I want her to tell her story back then, but then she's going to bring us up to date about how things are going. So to introduce her though, I want to read to you from my book, Parents on a Mission: How Parents Can Win the Competition for the Heart, Mind, and Loyalty of their children, and her letter to me was so powerful I put it in the foreword to my book. So I'm going to read just some of it, not the whole thing. So this is from Amanda. She said, when I first heard about POM, my reaction was, why do I need this? I am the best parent I can be. I do not need to learn how to be a parent. I never believed that I needed to take a parenting class. My oldest son is 7 years old with combined type ADHD. His father lives out of state. My youngest is a 3-year-old whose father sees him when it's convenient for him. So basically, I am a single mother of 2 boys having a child with ADHD. I just thought the behavior comes with the ADHD. Boy, I was wrong. I mean, yes, he is still restless and likes to move 300 miles a minute, but His behavior has improved. Amanda, welcome to the program.

Thank you for having me. I'm excited.

Yeah, it's great to see you, and, um, you have, um, such a great story. So I kind of back up or start from there when you wrote me that letter, um, why you wrote it and just your experience with Parents on a Mission.

Okay, yeah, I wrote it because after taking the class, it changed my life and it changed my children's life. And I just felt that you needed to see that from our perspective, sitting on the other side, and how much Parent on a Mission really, really meant to me. I never thought I needed it until I started going through it. It was hard for me, I'm gonna be honest, at first, because I was like, I know everything. Um, but that— it's not even about that. Um, you know, my son was 7, my oldest was 7 at the time I took this class. But as a toddler, I like to party a lot, so I was out all the time. I'd work 40 hours a week, come home, go out. I pick him up from daycare, take him to my parents all weekend I'd be partying. So a lot of times he was a lot closer to my mom because they had him more than I did, because I like to party all the time. And so I, I wasn't really there as I should have been, um, with him. And I didn't realize how much that had an effect on him until I went through Parents on a Mission. I just thought ADHD, uh, he's spoiled brat. Like, those are my thoughts before taking the class. And then after taking the class and going through different sections of a class, I'm like, whoa, I need to back up. Um, number one, I was— yes, he was becoming spoiled, but that was more because I was trying to make up for not being there by buying all this stuff. And that was probably one of my biggest lessons. Like, you can't buy to make up for the past. Buying things, what is— that's not solving nothing. Uh, he's just getting new gifts. Cool. He don't get it. And I had to learn first to forgive myself and let go and find who I was to be able to even start addressing what that behavior was from me and how it was affecting him by just buying everything and not really making up for lost time. By being there, by changing things, by becoming more of a present person in his life. And Parents on a Mission really taught me that because honestly, I probably would have kept going that way. And I mean, I have 3 kids now, so if I, if I would have went that way, they all probably would have been raised how he was at the beginning.

Right. So now remind me, what, when did you go through the Parents on a Mission classes?

10 years. My, he is 17 now. He's a junior in high school. Yes, I know. I'm gonna cry.

Oh my God. Wow. And, and now I didn't teach the class, right?

No.

Yeah. It was somebody that I trained in your organization and you went to the classes with that person or people, whoever they were. Uh, so that's part of the Parents on a Mission. Train the Trainer program that I do. And that always just makes me so, um, just so happy that your life was changed, uh, and I didn't need to be the one teaching this stuff. So that, that just really, um, makes me feel so happy. So, um, now 10— I can't believe it's been 10 years.

I know.

10 years later, where— what's happening now? With your kids?

Well, now I have a 17-year-old, a 13-year-old, and a 7-year-old. So I have my two boys, um, that I had when I wrote you this letter, and then I have a little girl. She's 7 now. Um, I am raising them all by myself, so I completely— I'm doing this as a single parent. Um, a lot of people like question how I have the relationship that I have with my kids. Um, because they tell me things that most teens will not tell their mother. Um, and I think we got to a place of that because some of the stuff you learn when you go through Parents on a Mission is actually listening to, listening to your children, letting them be part of decision-making, rule-making, consequences. And I think that really helped us develop like a stability in the house is letting them come to the table and be part of those, not the just because I said so. Um, because the way their brains work, like I used to always say, because I'm your mom, I said so, but they would never fully listen and comprehend. And now I know 10 years later, like, if I want them to be on the same page as me, they got to be part of that, not just because I said so. Explaining to them why I'm saying these things or why we're doing it or why we want it this way, and letting them have input totally changed everything. So, like, my kids get to have input in consequences, man. I don't, I don't even have to have consequences for them because they hold themselves to a higher standard when they mess up. They're already like, beating themselves up for it because they already know and they come with to me with it. So like example, my oldest is a junior, um, in high school right now, sitting at a 4.5 weighted GPA.

Wow, 4.5?

Yeah, so he does an internal bachelorette program. It's an IB program which allows him to have a higher weighted GPA.

Wow.

Um, while maintaining consistent sports, so football, wrestling, track, like he is a very active person. Um, that's one thing since they were little that we came to terms with. My requirement, you participate in something every season. Their part of that requirement is they get to choose sports, art, activity. I don't care what it is and they get to choose. So that's where we come together. Making those decisions. Yes, mom requires them to do something, but they also get to choose what that is. Keeps them busy, keeps them off the game, gets them out of the house, also builds character. Also, they get that authority figure from other people instead of just at home from mom. So we could kind of learn to grow from that. As well as, man, these boys are excelling. Like, they find their skills, they find their passions. And that's what he found. He— my mom, my mom doing that, he decided sports, and that has been one of his passions. Um, the funny thing is, like, his friends, they all come into my house, they laugh because they're high schoolers, they're gonna party, it's part of life. Um, he don't hide that from me. He probably has been to 4 parties his whole high school career. I have 3 rules. I'm gonna let you go. I take you, I pick you up, and your GPS stays on. We, we kind of fair game, right? Because kids— I was a teen, right? I didn't have that with my parents, so I snuck out. I don't want that happening.

That's right.

So we got to meet in the middle. So we do a lot of that, um, with all of their, all of their decisions. It's all of us together. We meet in the middle, we talk about it. I listen. I don't just jump and judge to things right away. Like, they got feelings too. So I mean, there's a lot. We could probably be here for hours talking about every section, right? And, and then also, it also I think helps me as a teacher to other people as well, because a lot of people just don't understand. Like, boys are like, geez, your mom's cool. It's not that I'm cool, guys, because I'm not your friend. I'm a parent first.

That's right, that's right.

We just have a better understanding, and I think a lot of parents mix that up. So you don't— you want to be your friend, their friend, which you can be, definitely, but being a parent first, they're going to have more respect for you, and that's what it's all about. Yep.

Yeah, I mean, so, um, first let me ask you now, is it your older, oldest son that you talked about who had the ADHD. Now, how was that affected, or is that still an issue?

Or— um, since— so he got diagnosed in kindergarten. Um, in 7th, 8th grade, he decided, I don't want to be on meds no more. And I'm like, okay, why? Because I'm all about advocating for yourself. Like, as a kid, I don't care how old you are, If you can come to me with a valid reason why something needs to be a certain way, let's talk about it, right? Um, and he didn't like how it was making him feel. He developed a tic. Like, he came with my— hey, okay, I'll listen to you, but you gotta have some valid reasons why you don't want to be on meds anymore. He came with those valid reasons, so I said, all right, what are you gonna do instead of being on meds? He's like, Mom, I already I already know I'm going to have my paper clips in my hand so I could stay busy. Like, he, he already knew what I was going to ask for and he was ready for it. Because if you're going to come with something, you better bring to the table what, how, when, why, and we'll listen. I'll listen and we'll talk about it. And he came with it and he has been off meds since. I don't see much of the behaviors anymore. It's been kind of great, actually. Um, he does suffer from a little bit of anxiety, but that's also from some other trauma things happened in his life that really didn't have nothing to do with me, like not having dad around. Um, so I think that makes it a little harder because he's a 17-year-old boy who's never really had a father around. Um, and so he does have a little, but it's no— I don't have behaviors. He doesn't get written up. He hasn't got expelled from school. He hasn't gotten into fights. I mean, he's, he's doing great and not on meds since then. He, I mean, look at his grades, shows a lot. He's an active athlete, letters in sports, letters in academics. He's a great older brother, helps me out. Like now he's got a teen brother who's looking up to him and following in his footsteps, who him too 4.0 all year long, um, and he's a 7th grader. He is right now just tried something new because he got tired of doing the same activities every season, so he's wrestling now. Um, and then my little one—

this is your 13-year-old?

Yeah.

Who's the one that was off the meds now?

My 17-year-old.

Your 17-year-old. But now he's— your, your 13-year-old has looked at him. And so they—

I'm assuming they have a good relationship sometimes, but you know how brothers could be, especially at that age difference. Yeah, a 13-year-old wants to be with big brother all the time, and the big brother's like, no. But he helps me. They're great. Like, he shows him things, like, no, you should be doing this, Bubba. He's his biggest cheerleader at his events. Um, And then they're both— they just both spoil their only sisters, so that's fun.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, it's, it's a peaceful— a lot of people are like, geez, like, your kids are well behaved. And it's just because I think they know what I want, but they also get to have say. And so of what not necessarily I want, we want, because it's not just me, it's all of us.

Right, right. So thinking about the different sessions, there's basically 6 different sessions. The first one, as you remember, Amanda, we talk about the importance of parent personal growth, and that we have to take the responsibility within ourselves. And the difference with Parents on a Mission and other classes is that Parents on a Mission or other classes focus parents on their children's behavior. We focus parents on our behavior, on what we need to deal with within ourselves. How was— if you remember, how was that part of the— did that hit you hard, or how was that when you first started hearing that maybe I need to, you know, look at myself before I start trying to fix my kids?

Um, oh, that one I will never forget it. I don't care, 10 years later. Um, that hit hard, but it's needed. Um, at first, like when we first started talking about it, I'm like, um, but as you get through and really write it out and think about it and have discussion around it, you're like, dang, like if I can't ever forgive myself and I can't let go of things I'm beating myself up for, I can never be beneficial to anybody around me, let alone my children. Because then I'm just thinking all these negative things all the time, and that reflects whether I think it or not. It's going to reflect off how I respond to the kids, how I make decisions. And so letting myself go, because I did, I would beat myself up so much, especially about not being there for my oldest because his dad was never there. Um, and I'm like, gosh, I just let my parents raise him. Like, I felt like I was a terrible mother, but no, I'm not. I'm not that. I know that now. I'm not that. I wasn't that. Um, but I just had to grow a lot through that and be willing to be open and listen and walk through these steps to forgive myself, number one, to start telling myself positive things, number two, and just to really grow within myself so I could be a better mom.

Yeah, and that is such a key, and that's the foundation of everything else in Parents on a Mission. The first thing is to know yourself. Remember that, which is really about self-awareness, because how am I going to manage my emotions if I don't, you know, know myself? So that part of the lesson. And then you talked about how we go into the power of our thinking, our thoughts, especially our thought life about ourselves, and, you know, working on that in ourselves. And then the choices that we make, you know, where do those come from? Well, if we— they come from the way we're thinking about ourselves, and it's, it's in the awareness of ourselves so we can manage ourselves and then make right decisions and right choices like you did. And then you said you forgave yourself, which is the fourth step in personal growth. And, uh, obviously these are— this is a lifelong journey, you know, but those are the four steps. And it looks like for you, you know, those things were really important for you to see, uh, the relationship with your kids change. At that time.

And it still changes. Like, we, we learn we're never going to be perfect. There's still things that I'm not perfect at, but I think it's a little easier. And I see it compared to other situations of people that have the same kids where their kids lie about the simplest things. And I even tell them, like, have that conversation with your parents. Sit down. Don't make it a screaming match. Don't get mad. Like, try to have that conversation. Start somewhere. I don't care, you're 17, 18, you be the mature one and sit down and start a conversation with your parents. I still have to do that with my kids sometimes. I still gotta like check myself and back up and be like, okay, let's start over. You know, because they're growing and they're still learning different emotions about themselves. And they're still navigating life and figuring out their frustrations and Yeah, they handled it great at this age, but now you're this age, um, and so things do shift and change. So it's not great and perfect all the time. We still have struggles, but we always remember we got to come back together and listen and talk, because if we don't do those two things, it's never going to get resolved, and it's just going to build up and build up and create more.

That's right. Now, one of the things we also talk about is earning respect for your authority as a parent. Because what I've seen, had seen when I was out in the field working with a lot more parents at the time, way back there, so many, and it's still true today, I know, because my brother was a high school teacher for 40 years and my oldest son is still a high school teacher and football coach. So, you know, he deals with parents all the time. And one of the things that parents, I feel, make the mistake is they abdicate their role of authority, and they want to pass it on to, you know, the coach, the teacher, the counselor, the pastor, you know. And I'm trying to say, Mom and Dad, no, you are the final authority in the life of your children. But our authority— you have to earn respect for your authority. How has that been for you?

I think because I started so young, it was a little easier, um, to be honest. Like, they knew right away, like, um, simple chores, okay? Because I see that's a big issue, right? Um, chores. Like, kids think, oh my God, my mom's making me clean. Like, it's a huge— like, it's a huge issue, right? It is. And that's how kids are nowadays. They think— oh, and they also think they should get paid for chores. I don't pay my children for chores because that is like part of this house, right? Why are— why would I pay you for chores when you make the mess? And when you become older, nobody's gonna pay you for chores. Like, that is just something you need to learn as a habit. You don't get paid for a habit. Like, um, so I do not pay them for chores. Um, so I think because I started that so young and just a routine, but we're a team at it. So when we clean the kitchen, I don't have a dishwasher anymore, but it used to be like we would change days of the week. I'd wash dishes, one would load, one would unload. We don't— it's not separate, like we do things together. Okay, your room, that's your space, so you're responsible for how you keep that. And I'm be honest, if you want to keep it as a mess and you want to live in something like that, you're going to learn to hate it. It did. There was some time my daughter were going through that right now. I cannot for the life of that girl get her to put things away when she's done. Guess what? She is starting to not like it because then she can't play with nothing else, right? And sometimes they have to learn from some of these consequences. And as much as it frustrates her brothers, so it's funny to see now where they're at because they're like, dude, If you just put that away, it will last longer. It won't get broken. Mom won't throw it away if she trips over it, and you'll have space to do your next project. And so that's great. So I think because I started that so young, and now that— and simple tasks like cars, my oldest has a car now, same thing, right? I mean, I don't let him work right now because he's doing such a strategic high school program where his classes will transfer for most of his prereqs for college. And he's— his sports, he'll have Sundays. They literally are 6 days a week with sports. Um, guess what? I'm paying your car insurance, so what are you gonna do for me around the house? I don't owe you to pay your car insurance, right?

No, that's right. That's right.

It's not— it's— we had that conversation from the beginning and now he just— he knows, like, hey, Mom, it's the weekend, I'm gonna go get the yard done. Or, hey, Mom, it's like— I don't even have to. But it's consistency and having those conversations and explaining why we're doing it this way.

Yes.

You want to have your own money and feel like you're going to pay all your bills? Cool. What are you giving up? He's not going to give up his passion because his passion is football. And he is going to do everything he can to get there. But with that, you're not going to work. You are going to learn to be involved. So I actually almost got almost the whole football team now volunteering at events because they love it. But he started that 8th grade year. You're going to be involved, right? How are you involved in your community? Because if you're not going to be involved by working, you're going to be involved.

Right.

Um, man, they— them kids, they're already done with their hours because here they have to do so many hours, and they still— hey, when's the next event? We want to be there. And they're playing with the kids, they're handing out popsicles, picking up trash, helping all the community members take food to their car, whatever it might be. And it just keeps growing every year. I just have so many more kids because all the boys are just starting to love it, and they don't even have to do it anymore.

Now that's a requirement for their graduation, right? Yep, the community service hours. Now you said third, you mentioned it already a little bit, but then we're encouraging parents the proper use of discipline. And because what I saw when, again, when I was counseling, you know, the teenagers long, many years ago in the junior high school I learned a lot of parents, uh, well, I'll just say, um, discipline is not punishment, it's teaching. That's the true meaning of it. How— and you mentioned a little bit about like your daughter, you're teaching her, hey, if this is, if this is the way you want to live, or, you know. So how's, how's it been in, in the role? You're a single mother, and I know that I was raised by a single mother. And I love your story for that one reason, um, amongst everything else. A lot of single mothers, they get discouraged. And I said, you know, I don't know what's worse, being single and sad or married and miserable. You know, for single moms, it's like, well, I'm single, and maybe you're bummed. Or then you go out and get married and now you're miserable. But my mom never did that. She just stayed a single mom all our lives. And I'm not saying everybody needs to do that at all, and that's not my point. My point is you as a single mother are making it happen. You're getting it done. And how has it been for you to be in the role of mom and disciplinarian?

Um, sometimes it's frustrating, but I think that's more of the— it don't happen often, I'm gonna be honest with you. I think that I've taken— I've taken a phone probably once in the last whole year. Um, because grades— I, I do, I do expect my children to have good passing grades, and that's because they're both gifted and talented. I mean, my oldest is 9th in the state in his math scores, and so it's like, I know how intelligent you are. Um, and my, my 7th grader is actually already doing sophomore math, so like, I know you guys are intelligent. Grades, what they will do for you, and we've had that conversation. If they get a C, a B, Richard, my, my boys cannot handle it themselves, so I don't even have to say anything. My son will have a C and he'll text, he'll be like Um, Mom, I'm going into Mrs. May's class for lunch because I gotta figure this out. So they're on top of it before I even can say anything. I'll get a notification that one has a missing assignment, and I'm getting a text right away because, like, they can't handle it themselves. I've taken a phone away because sometimes when you're spending too much time on this, you snap, right? They're not perfect kids, and the snapping continuously— okay, you need a break. We already know what they need a break from, so— and they don't even fight, they just have it over.

Yeah.

Um, yeah, and there has been a couple— I'm not giving you my phone. Are you gonna pay your phone bill? I'll give you my phone.

Yeah, you have leverage.

Yeah, and not yelling about it, right? Like I think you need a break from your phone because you're becoming overstimulated. Like, you— I can't even walk into your room and try to talk to you because you're so focused on that phone or that game that's on that phone. That's really what it is, because they like to play like chess, right? And you're so focused on that that you're responding to me that you shouldn't be talking to me like that. You're right. And they'll just hand it over. Um, but they they have expectations of themselves now, especially now that they're older. Yeah, that if they know they cross that line, they kind of correct themselves. And I think they do see that because I am by myself and they see how much I work and they see like I take care of everything, right? Um, I don't have the help and I think they see that. So I think that has a lot to do with how well they decide to manage themselves before I have to step in.

Yeah.

Um, my younger two, that little girl, man, though, she likes to rough up everybody's feathers. Um, they do argue a lot, so I do have to separate them. But how I handle that, you go to your room, you go to your room, let's take some breathers. And that's what I try to teach them, is like, when you're becoming— it's too much, or there's arguing, or there's fighting, or there's back and forth, They like to tease each other and then it gets the little one crying. Separate.

Right.

Yeah.

That's great.

Yeah. Why do any more than that? Because sometimes they're overstimulated. So if I yell at them, I'm just gonna create more of a problem.

Well, Amanda, I know that you are speaking to so many parents who are listening to this, especially those of you single mothers. If you're listening to this, this is Amanda Cooper. She lives in Pueblo, Colorado, and I'm going to ask her to talk about the work she does there. But she is touching on all the things that I know just through my experience, the questions I've gotten, the emails I've gotten, the letters I've gotten. I know that parents are dealing with all of these issues, and she just touched on a huge one, which is that screen time and how she goes about disciplining her kids. And I think that's a huge issue right now for so many parents, especially with this artificial intelligence and all the things that are going on there. The screen time is huge. The last thing I want to ask you, because you've already talked about forgiveness and forgiving yourself and how huge that is for yourself, but the other thing we talk about is— and you've also talked about citizenship, which is we talk about community building and how We are trying to emphasize to mom and dad that the community does not build your family. Your family builds the community. And that's why I say it does not, as you know, take a village to raise a child. It just takes good parents. And that's what you're doing. But the other one I want to talk about is reconciliation, um, because all families have problems. My family has problems. I've had problems in my family, even up to present day. As you know, I have a blended family. I have 5 children, my wife has 3. I have 2 boys and 3 girls. She has 3 boys. And building that blended family has been— we just celebrated our 24th anniversary. We were looking at each other saying, oh my God, we made— we've made it this far, you know, because it has not been easy. And there has been a lot of need for reconciliation. So talk about that. How has that been for you over the last 10 years with your kids?

Ups and downs. Um, there, there's been a lot of emotions, especially with the fact that my two younger's dad was around. Um, he, he recently got sick, so he's not been the same. Um, and he probably will never be But there was a lot of tension because they have that and my oldest don't. And for a long time, um, that was something we had to work on, especially me and my oldest, because it was like my fault, um, although it's not, but that's how he felt, right? Because in that time he didn't know, um, and I think we We got to take a step back as parents and, and think about how they're feeling and what they really need. Because kind of like I said before, I always thought he needed his things bought for him, but that's not what he needed. Um, taking a step back to listen to him and what he wants, what he needs, but also spending quality time. Because I don't think we would have ever rebuilt our relationship if we didn't go through some of those hurdles together, um, and the learnings together, but also the forgiveness. Like, like I said before, a big part is you got to forgive yourself, because if you don't, you won't be open for other people, um, to forgive you. And I think it's just creating that standpoint together um, on how to forgive and how to rebuild those hurts that we had. It took a lot of different therapy, um, like for him, for me, together. Other people would try to put their opinions, and none of it worked. What worked is us coming together, sitting down, and talking and hearing each other. Not just me hearing him. They have to also breathe and take a moment to listen to what you're saying, um, and age appropriate, of course, because I could say things to him now that I probably couldn't when he was 7, right?

Right.

Um, and we have had more of those conversations, and I think that's why, like, the boys always laugh at him because, like, dude, is your mom your best friend? Like, they'll come tell me a secret. I'm like, huh, I already know that. And they're like, he told you? Well, yes, he did, but it took a lot. Things that you would probably never think a teen would tell his mom. Um, it took a lot to get there, and it's just because we took the time together and to listen and to rebuild. But not all together. You got to give each child their own time, but also teaching them the same patience you're having with them, they need to have with you. And that don't happen overnight. That is, that is consistency. That is relearning. Um, that is teaching, like, teaching them even not just your relationship to reconcile. They sometimes, they got to forgive themselves for things because they're beating themselves up for things. They think these negative things about themselves. You got think teach them to change that as well, right? So it's just a continuous cycle of all the areas of Parents on a Mission that tie into every little thing. And we all still grow. 10 years later, I'm still having to change things and learn things because, like I said earlier, new behaviors. I mean, puberty, they're all different personalities. Um, but just knowing like the core principles and what you really need to have at home so everything else plugs in, I think, is just the key to it all.

Yeah, it really is. And that's why we emphasize our personal growth as parents. It's a lifelong journey, and we got to grow with our children. Like you said, you know, dealing with a 7-year-old is not the same as dealing with a 10 or a 12-year-old or a 15-year-old. But if we are at the same level we were when he was 7, And now, you know, he's 17. And in my case with my kids, you know, as they got older, I just had to keep growing and growing. And throughout those years, I've made many mistakes. Um, and as adults, I've made mistakes, said things I shouldn't have said. But the key to it is owning up to it, admitting you were wrong, and just looking them in the eye, no excuses, and just apologizing and asking for forgiveness. And when we do that as parents, it just goes so far. It pays so many dividends, and you're modeling to them what it should be like to be a child, a son, a good son, a good daughter, a good mom, a good dad, a good husband, a good wife, a good employee, a good employer, a good citizen, on and on and on. All of those things come together just learning these, these things. Um, so Amanda, listen, I am so proud of you. You've done such a great job, and I want you to share now You work for Servicios de la Raza in Pueblo, Colorado. Talk about what that organization, what you guys do. And then also, you are a certified mentor of my other program, Youth on a Mission, and you are mentoring youth. And you've, you've had— you— I've talked to your class. You've allowed me to, you know, just talk about those things first. The organization, what you guys primarily kind of do, and then Youth on a Mission.

Yeah, so we actually just celebrated our anniversary, um, 54 years in Denver, and we've been in Pueblo 4 years now, um, and we provide human and health services. So anywhere from behavioral health, victim services, healthcare enrollment, reentry services, youth programming, and workforce development. So we have a lot of tiny programs within all of those. I am under our reentry program, and so I do teach youth, Youth on a Mission here in Pueblo. I actually just started my 10th and 11th class, so yay. It's been fun and exciting and learning and needed. Definitely needed here in Pueblo. And I just facilitate that with the youth at different schools around town. I do have a couple different age groups that I facilitate, and it's kind of the same thing as Parents on a Mission, but it's more focused on youth a little bit because they're learning and they're growing. And one of my favorite parts is teaching them things that they're like, wait, what? For example, like intuition. When we talk about intuition, some— I never learned it as a child. These kids look at me and they're like, what do you mean, ma'am? They unfortunately aren't learning these things. And so when we talk about it and we actually do some activities about listening to your intuition when you're making decisions, Some of these kids are like, you just see eyes open, like, wait, because they, they've never really got to know themselves. Who are they? What are they trying to do? Where do they want to go? Do you have a passion? What is that passion? How do we kind of bring that passion out of them? Um, what does it take to kind of fulfill and meet that passion in life? But also some of the things that are in Parents on a Mission that we talk about, like the authority figures. We go through stuff like that. We do some cultural stuff, and they learn about the mainstream to the media. That shocks kids. Thinking about influencers and being leaders. A lot of these things our kids are not learning in the schools, and I feel like because I went through Parents on a Mission, I can relate so well to facilitating this class, because they go hand in hand, right? And I really wish that this is offered hand in hand because they go so well together. And these kids don't have this, but a lot of parents don't have this either. But if we can at least start with the younger generation and get them thinking about these things. Real quick story, I just had a kid from my high school class graduate, grew up in the juvenile justice system, parent to 2 children, He cried. He cried on graduation day because we— he learned so much about himself and the power of forgiveness, right? He learned about his passion. He learned about giving to the community. We did an activity about being involved in giving back to the community. He learned about who he really was. Like, he never was asked that question. And what does he want to do next? Where does he want to go? How is he going to get there? And then at the end, the power of forgiveness and the he writing it out. That's an activity we do, right? Writing out some, a letter to somebody. And that's what he did. And he cried, but it was happy tears because he was like, I felt like the world just lifted off my shoulders.

Wow.

I'm super passionate about it and I love teaching these kids and it's just great to see the growth because these kids do grow in the time we're together. But they've never had the opportunity to learn or be asked these type of questions that we do talk about in the Youth on a Mission cohorts.

Yeah, I, you know, I was a youth mentor before I was a parent mentor, but because of youth mentoring and they were, you know how they are, they were just destroying their lives and I'm like, what are you doing? What is happening? But that led me to go talk to their parents.

Right.

When I saw what was going on at home, I said, oh, You know what? No, if I'm going to help these young people, I got to help mom and dad. So I put the Youth on a Mission or the youth mentoring on the shelf and said, okay, I'm going to really try my best to help mom and dad because that's the root of the problem. But then after all these years, a few years ago, I decided to kind of, well, we could have a Youth on a Mission program that, like you said, goes hand in hand. And if we could get the parents learning Parents on a Mission, and their kids going through Youth on a Mission, you know, then we can build stronger communities, which starts in the family. So I'm— you've done a great job. And listen, if you could share any of those letters with me, I would love to have a copy if they give you permission to do that. But what I want to say to everybody that's listening, first of all, Amanda mentioned many of the programs that Servicios has. So if you live in the Denver area in Colorado or in Pueblo, Colorado, they're there and they're serving in many different ways, reentry people. She mentioned the Youth on a Mission, Parents on a Mission. Was it— what were some of the other programs?

Oh, it's just youth services, but we do behavioral health. So we do counseling. We are a bilingual agency, so we do have staff that can serve Spanish-speaking only clients, and we serve everybody. So don't let our name fool you, like we don't turn anybody away, everybody's welcome. You, uh, essential services, so food bank times, um, a lot of that is posted on our Facebook and website. Victim services, like we have such a wide range of services, healthcare enrollment, Medicaid, SNAP, um, All of the services are broken down into different areas if anybody's in the area and Pueblo because we're down here as well. So I just celebrated my 4 years on Saturday here, so it's really exciting. Yeah, it's great.

Can you give everybody the website where they would go and the phone number where they would go to find those services?

Yeah, so on Facebook, it's just Servicios de la Raza. And how that is spelled, S-E-R-V-I-C-I-O-S space de space L-A, and then Raza, R-A-Z-A. Just look it up. Same with the website,.org, and I'll be on there. And our phone numbers are different for Pueblo and Denver, but the phone numbers are listed on both as well.

Yeah, and I'll get, I'll get that information from you in writing. You can send me an email. And then I'll put it in the show notes for the podcast, and that way everybody can just read it, uh, in the show notes. Okay, so let's see, Amanda, you got so much happening. Uh, you're doing such a great job. You're a great mom. You know, I hope you— well, you do know that you're a great mother, uh, first and foremost. But you're also, um, been there 4 years. You're doing a great job, and I know that because, uh, The work that you're doing with the youth, I mean, it just speaks for itself. Like the testimony that you just gave, people's lives are being changed, and it's the way you're presenting the information and the love and the care and the concern. And thank you for inviting me to speak to your classes. You know, I wish I could be there in person.

I know, one day.

Yeah, I hope so. And, uh, but you know, doing it this way over the, uh, Zoom is, is great too. So, um, is there anything in ending this conversation today, anything that you want to last, you want to say any words of encouragement to parents that might be struggling or, or any youth?

Um, for parents, definitely we need to take a step back. Don't give up. I know we were raised different, um, and we were probably taught different too, but sometimes we need to take a step back and look at the bigger picture and go in with some deep breaths because things are changing, kids are changing, environments are changing, and we really got to learn to meet our kids where they're at instead of overpowering them because I promise I thought that way but it's just way more successful coming in with a different approach. Like, I like to tell people all the time, try something different. What you're doing is not working, try something different. Um, and, and definitely for the kids, um, for the youth, that you're seen, you're heard, but let's do it the right way. Um, I think that's forgotten with you guys sometimes, definitely with the kids. Is they want to be seen, they want to be heard, so they act out in different ways. But you can be seen and heard in the right way, and there are right ways to do it. Just know who you are, believe in yourself, and don't follow other people. Be you for you. Don't be you for somebody else, because that somebody else ain't gonna be there for the rest of your life except for you.

Amen. Amen to that. Thank you so much, Amanda. I really appreciate your time. And both of you, you've been listening to the Parent Whisperer podcast. I'm Richard Ramos, the host. And I also want to encourage you to go to my website if you're looking for more resources. There's free resources there. My books are there. My online courses are there. RichardRamos.com. You can go there and find all of those resources there. And I want you to always remember, as I always end every podcast, is Parents on a Mission is not for bad parents. It is for good parents who want to get better. See you next time.