The Roots of Human Flourishing: Why Safer Communities Start at Home

Hello everybody, it's Richard Ramos and welcome to the Parent Whisperer podcast. Thank you for joining me today. I want to talk about community leadership and human flourishing. And what is human flourishing, number one? And number two, how do you Produce it? How can we increase it? So let me start with a question. A lot of cities and communities are dealing with youth violence and all kinds of different issues. And the question is always what to do about it, how to go about it. So I want to talk about that with this idea about human flourishing. So if you were the mayor, let me give you a hypothetical. If you were the mayor of a city and you were given a mandate by the city council that they wanted you to fix, clean up, solve the problem of youth violence, rebellious youth, things like that, and they wanted at the end of your term as mayor, one or two terms, whatever it would be, that the community would be safer And healthier, a safe and healthy community. And on top of that, they gave you an unlimited budget. And so now you're in control, you're calling the shots. It's going to be your strategy and your priorities. What would you do? What would you invest in? Where would your focus and attention be? How would you go about Resolving, solving, dealing with, addressing youth rebellion, youth violence, and the kinds of things that parents and all communities are always concerned about. And that particular topic because that's been my focus for many years, and so I want to just continue to talk about that and share with you what I think and what I how. to best go about it. Now, what I've learned over 35-plus years of the work that I've been doing is, number one, that people— we're talking about human beings— but people, I find, are in the wrong position. So I like to use sports metaphors to explain that. In other words, let's say that you had a team and you had a guy who should be a lineman trying to be the quarterback. And you have a guy who's the quarterback trying to be a lineman. You have a linebacker trying to play safety. Or in baseball, you have a catcher who's trying to be the pitcher. Or in basketball, you have the center who is usually 7 feet tall trying to be the point guard. In other words, they're out of position. That is not the best position. for them to play, and it's not in the best interest of the whole team. So I find that happens a lot. People are in the wrong position, or another way of putting this is that people are acting out the wrong script. Now, we all know actors have scripts, and some of them are very good at it, and they are doing the script that they are given by the director so that we actually believe that They're that character they're playing. They're a doctor, they're a lawyer, they're a cop or a detective or some something like that. And they're so good at it. They're so convincing, in other words, which is what good acting is. And again, I find a lot of people are acting out the wrong script for their life, the wrong purpose. They're not in their purpose, and therefore they're not in their full potential. And now, and that doesn't even mean that if they are acting out the wrong script, They're not good at it. Some of— some people are good at it, but it's the wrong one. And what I'm talking about is a kid who's joining a gang and he's violent and he's angry, or committing other things that young people shouldn't be doing. But maybe he's very good at it, but it's certainly not why he was born or she was born. That's not their purpose on Earth, I don't believe. And so again, people are out of position. People are acting out the wrong script. And the third thing about this is that if we want safer and healthy communities, we need better citizens. That's really what it comes down to. And that's what I mean by human flourishing. We need— if we want better communities, if we want safer communities, we need better citizens. Now here's the question: Where do the citizens of the community come from? You could even ask the question: What is the community? If you want a safer and healthier community, what is the community? The community is not the buildings. It's not the parks, pools, playgrounds. It's not those things. The community is made up of. People. The citizens are the people. And so in Parents on a Mission, I always ask this question of parents: therefore, what kind of citizen are we sending into the community every day? Because we could say, these are my kids, I'm raising my kids. Yeah, you're raising your kids, but you are also raising Citizens of the community that ultimately become the ones who are making the citizen, the community go. Whether that's they become employees, they become the employers, they become the political leaders, they become the teachers, the superintendents, they become the plumbers, the people that come and fix things, they become the community. And so we were talking about safer communities, healthier communities. I say therefore we need human beings that are flourishing. Okay, and this is why parents are so important. But if parents are failing in their job, then that's why the role of leadership becomes so important. Because as a community leader, and in this case I talked about the mayor, but of course the mayor is not the only community leader, but you're like the, you're the leader of the leaders. You're putting forth a strategy, you're investing money, you're calling the shots for what is the priority to deal with this, this problem. So I'll get to the parents Because that really, to me, is where the, the focus needs to be. But why community leadership is so important— because our role then becomes that we need to reclaim those people's lives, reclaim them from that gang life, that drug life, that alcohol abuse life, that violent life, that dropping out of school life, or whatever it is. We need to reclaim them because they're out of position. They're acting out the wrong script. And as a community leader, then my focus becomes helping them, reclaiming them, and then restoring them to their purpose, to their real purpose, their real life, their real script, and to redeem them. Back out of that life of violence, out of that life of what did I say? Out of rebellion. That is the role of leaders to help people back to their God-given talent, to their God-given purpose in life, and why they're here in the first place. So now, before I get to the parent part of this. Let me talk about this, this thought about community. Who is a community leader? Because people get caught up in community leader means that I have a position of authority or that I have some kind of title or that I have been elected to political office. I'm the boss or I'm the CEO or I'm a— I'm in a position of authority and power. I'm out front. No, that, that is not what a community leader needs to be. You don't have to have a title, a position of authority and power, or elected office in order to be a community leader that causes human flourishing, that redeems, reclaims, and restores people from that life that they were never meant to live. You don't have to be that. Now, And to illustrate that, I told a story recently, and I wanna share it here, about a young man who, by the name of Aaron Stark. In 1996, he was a student at North High School in Denver, Colorado, and he had decided that he was gonna be a mass shooter. He had decided— he came to a place in his life where he said, you know what, I'm sick and tired of what I've been going through. And he had decided, I'm gonna get a gun. And I'm going to take out as many people as I can. And he was trying to decide, is that going to be a school or is it going to be a mall? Because those are easy targets where there's very little security. Now, the reason he was— became this way was because all his life, and he, as he tells his story, he was abused. He was neglected. He was abandoned. by his drug addict parents. And his drug addict parents were always running from the cops. So he would be woken up at 4 o'clock in the morning to escape from the cops and move to another city. And then 2 days later, he'd have to do it all over again. So many years of his life, from the time he was very young, he was moving all over the country trying to escape and running from— while his parents running from cops. So by the time he was about 14 years old, he said he had already attended 30 or 40 different schools. Now the problem was every time he went to a new school, he's the new kid, and then he would be bullied. And one of the reasons he would be bullied was because he never had any clean clothes. His clothes were torn. He didn't have time for showers, so he would smell, and people would make fun of him, and they would bully him. But then he also shared in his testimony that the bullying wasn't only going on at school, it was also going on at home. He shares one time where, when he was in junior high school, I think he said he was 14 or 15 years old, and he got into heavy metal music, rock music, and he decided that he wanted to start cutting himself. And that's what he was doing. He was cutting himself. But one time, he was cutting himself so bad that he was bleeding all over the place, and he said to himself, "If I don't do something, I'm going to die." And so what he did, he found a phone book. He looked up the social services number. He called them up. But the problem was they didn't only bring him into the social services place. But they also called his mom and brought her in, and he said that she knew exactly what to say, exactly what to do. She was a con artist, and she convinced them that this was all an act. He just wanted attention, and that this is something that he always does. And so they believed her, and they released him with her. When they got in the car, she turned to him and said. Next time you need to do a better job and I'll buy the razor blades. At that point, he said his heart was ripped out of his chest, and that is when he decided, I'm done with all of this. And he wanted to get a gun the next day and go kill people. But he had a friend. He tells the story about this friend that he had lied to. He had burned, he had mistreated, but yet this guy would let him stay at his house, stay in actually in his shed. And the night before he was, he had made up his mind he was gonna go get a gun the next day and do this shooting. His friend came into the shed. Hey man, what's up? What's happening? You hungry? You wanna have a meal? How about we go in and eat inside and watch a movie? And then on top of that, his mom— this, the friend's mom— she has no idea what this kid is going through, but in his honor, she baked a blueberry peach pie. And he says that they all sat down at the table, they ate dinner, they ate the pie, and it was because of those acts of kindness by this mother and her son That prevented him from committing the atrocity of going to a school or a mall and shooting all these people. So what is my point? My point is this: how many lives did that mother and her son save that day? No title, no position of power and authority, no elected political office. And yet, because of their unconditional love and kindness that they showed this young man, saved all who knows how many lives. That, my friend, is the epitome of community leadership that causes humans to flourish. He and Aaron tells his story; it's on YouTube. You could find it. Aaron Stark. He— I almost became a school shooter. And then he, at the end, he talks about how he's found his life. He found his light. He's a father of 4 children. And as he was speaking that message that day or that night, his wife and one of his daughters and his friend was in the audience. See, this is what I'm talking about as far as who is a community leader. We don't have to be in a position of authority or anything like that. And again, this is why the home life, the parenting, is so important. Now, community leaders, in my opinion— moving on now— I believe they need a lesson in farming. That's right. Again, if I'm the mayor and I have community leaders, let's talk about the conventional community leadership. Usually policemen, law enforcement, probation, school counselors, psychiatrists, psychologists who like to prescribe pharmaceutical drugs to kids that are that are not stable, so to speak, or having all these problems. More counselors. We need more job programs. We need, as I already mentioned, more parks and more playgrounds, more pools, more things to do for kids, more entertainment. That's usually the conventional wisdom of how we're gonna solve these problems. More police on the street. If all of those things that we've been doing for decades were the answer, we would've solved this problem a long time ago of youth violence and rebellious youth. But obviously it is not working. And so when I say that community leaders can learn from farmers, what do I mean by that? Let's think about it. What do farmers do? First of all, they create crops, quality crops and fruit year after year, and in some cases generation after generation. From the same field over and over again. And the thing that we need to learn from them is their focus is not on the fruit. Their focus is on the roots that create and produce the fruit. That's the key. They're paying attention to the soil. They're paying attention to the watering. to the cultivation of the land. They're creating an environment that's going to have healthy roots when they plant those seeds year after year. That's their focus on the fruit and not the roots. I'm sorry, on the roots and not the fruits. Now, that same principle, or those same principles, apply to human beings. And this goes to what I've been doing, what Parents on a Mission and parent leadership— why that is so important. Now, I mentioned that if parents weren't doing the job, that's why we need other community leaders. But again, we have community leaders that are focused on the wrong thing. They're focused on the problems that rebellious and violent youth create. Rather than being focused on the problems that create rebellious and violent youth. That's where the focus needs to be. And we learned that from farmers. They're not focused on the fruit. In that metaphor, the fruit would be the good kids. They're focused on the root that produces the fruit. And I'm saying that root primarily is in the home, in the heart of human beings. And when that is paid attention to, when that environment and that soil of the heart is cultivated and cared for and nurtured correctly from the time a child is born— even before they're born, actually, in the womb— that is what causes a human flourishing. For a human being to flourish Now let me say, because some of you out there might be thinking, I know good parents and, or I'm a good parent and my son or my daughter has gone off the rails. Okay. It's true that you can have great parents and this, the child or children don't always turn out great. That could be true. And the opposite is true. You could be the worst parent in the world and your kids turn out great. But those are exceptions to the rule. In general, again, getting back to the farming metaphor. You have to take care of the environment. You have to focus on the roots to produce the fruits. I read something many years ago that really got me focused on the roots, where Henry David Thoreau said this: for every thousand men that are striking at the leaves of evil, one is striking at the root. Now we need programs and leaders striking at the leaves of evil through program. That's why programs are needed, and you're dealing with the symptoms of problems. But we know what happens if you only deal with the symptoms. We got to get to the root of the problem, and that's what I have been trying to do for over 30 years. That's what Parents on a Mission is all about. And I am creating more and more farmers along with me who are working in the home, in the hearts of parents, to focus their mind and heart on their children's heart and focused on the root of the problem in the home. That's why I do what I do. I'm focusing on mom and dad. And our mission statement says, turning the hearts of parents to their children and turning the hearts of children to their parents as the best method for preventing children from joining negative lifestyles. Another way of saying human flourishing. Another way of saying healthier and safer communities. Another way of saying better culture creates better fruit. Better environment in the home produces better children who, who ultimately become better citizens. And so we have a safer and healthier community. Now, granted, this doesn't happen overnight. Again, That's why the hacking at the leaves of evil is important, because there's immediate issues that have to be dealt with. So I'm not saying that we don't need those other things—law enforcement and counselors and things like that. I'm not saying that, but I am saying that there's too much attention focused there on the fruit, on the environment, on the the problems that they are creating. Versus the problems that are creating the youth that are doing this. Now, I've been studying these things for a long time, and there's a woman by the name of Dr. Katherine Seifert, and she did a study. What she did, she went into the prisons and she interviewed many violent criminals, many in several prisons. And she says that in every case she found of these violent criminals that had committed acts of violence, murders, sex offenders, etc., all of them had been abandoned, abused, and neglected as children and never had a substitute caregiver. They either had one, two, or all three of those issues. in their life when they were children. And it's, to me, obvious that is what needs to happen, is that we are striking at the root and not only focusing on the fruit. So The last thing I want you to hear from me in this message is that you matter. You matter. You say, but Richard, I'm only a single mom. I'm a divorced parent. I'm just a regular dad. You matter. And as Marianne Williamson said, playing small does not serve the world. And shrinking back from your full talent and potential so that other people won't feel bad around you does not serve the world. And a lot of people do that. They're playing small because they're afraid, well, if I shine too brightly, if I walk in my full potential and become very successful, that's going to make other people feel bad. That is the wrong mentality. You need to shine. You need to be bright. You need to find your voice, live in your potential, and succeed as much as possible. Why? Because when you let your light shine, you give other people permission to let their light shine because you become an encouragement to them. You become a model for them. And in the case of parents, your children are looking at you, and the brighter you're shining— and again, this is not about being a Hollywood star, a rock star, athletic star. Great, fine for those people, great. But you don't have to be that. And oftentimes, our kids look up to those people. It's just natural. We all kind of do that. But what I'm saying is our kids need to look up to mom and dad as heroes. We need to be their heroes, and we can be their heroes. And so I want you to hear what I'm saying to you. about community leadership and human flourishing, because that is where we're going to create safer and healthier communities. And that starts in the home. That starts with you, mom and dad, your leadership, your thriving, your shining, you living in that potential. Is working at the root of what causes the fruit, and I wanted you to hear that message. Believe it. Live it. Thank you for listening. I'm Richard Ramos. You've been listening to the Parent Whisperer podcast. I pray that you will share this message, this video with. Somebody that you know, a friend or a family member that may need to hear this message to be encouraged that they matter. No matter what mistakes they've made or whatever circumstances they may be in, they matter. And I'm talking mostly about parents with children who are looking at you as their role model. It doesn't matter about the past. I'm talking about today. And going forward. Also, I want to remind you that I have free resources at my website, richardrramos.com. You can go there, you can download free chapters from my books, you can download other free resources. And also I have the Parent on a Mission leadership curriculum online course. You can take that. All of those things simply To help you flourish as a mom, as a dad. Thanks for listening. Please like this video, subscribe to the channel, and I'll see you next time. And remember, Mom and Dad, as always, Parents on a Mission is not for bad parents. It's for good parents like you who just want to get better. See you next time.