Turning Your Past Into Purpose: Arthur and Gabby Soriano on Family, Forgiveness, and Youth Empowerment

Hello everybody, welcome back to the Parent Whisperer podcast. I'm Richard Ramos, your host, and today I have some special guests, friend— good friends of mine that I've known for years, and I want to introduce them to you. But before I do that, let me thank all of you who are subscribing to the podcast. I really appreciate that because I know that people watch— oops, I do this sometimes myself. I'll watch a YouTube, but I don't subscribe. So I understand that happens. But if you are willing to do that, I really appreciate that. And if you will leave a review, that YouTube loves the review for whatever reason. That's what builds their algorithm, and that helps me reach more people. So if you would leave a review and if you will share the video with any friends or family, usually it's the content. If you hear the content and you say, wow, I know somebody who needs to hear that, then share it with them. And those are the kind of things that help build my platform. And why do I want to do that? Because I want to reach more people. Families are the key. They're the foundation to communities. And I believe that parents are in a place, the best place to influence their children. And then it just grows from there. That's what Parents on a Mission is all about. So think about subscription, think about sharing, think about leaving a review. And besides that, I think we'll just go ahead. I today have with me Gabby and Arthur Soriano. They are the co-founders of an organization, nonprofit in The San Diego area called Youth Empowerment. So you guys, thank you so much for your time and welcome to the program.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you, Richard. And I'll begin. And my name's Arthur Soriano, Arturo Soriano. Funny story, my mother seen that name on a billboard, Arthur, so that's why she gave me the name. But to this day, she calls me Arthur, Arthur, Arturo. And so either or is good.

And so I want to call you Arturo, but I think most people call you Arthur.

And that's either one is great. Arthur, Arturo, all good. English, Spanish. So connected to both worlds. So I'm a co-founder of Youth Empowerment.

I am Gabby Soriano, and I am also co-founder of Youth Empowerment.

And I just want to give some context on how we began. And that's going 12 years already, over a decade. And so we've been married going 12 years. 12 years.

No, 12 years.

12 years, right? And 12 years and together.

About 15.

About going on 15.

Yeah.

But with that being said, that's context to the work and the why Youth Empowerment began. And so we were not in a healthy place when we first began. It was more of a toxic relationship. And that's because we grew up in the same neighborhood and I was up to no good and she was up to no good. And that's how We connected, and but during that time, we used to have conversations of personal development, of personal growth, of wanting to achieve something, wanting to be a part of something, having a foundation. And what connected us both is family values. I remember we actually did a survey, and that survey was: What do we have in common? And loving mothers. Parents, grandmothers, and so we were like, okay, this is what we have in connection besides that other world. And so we strive to better ourselves. And quite honestly, the the last time that I was in, we were together, and so we both went into the county jail together. And so I've done a total of 23 years of incarceration through juvenile through adult, and now. In the community for the last 13 years.

2013.

Yeah, 13 years and giving back. But that's some background and context of why it first began. This, this first time I went in, we had a conversation. I was in the county jail and we're like, okay, what are we going to do different? And we both made an agreement and she went to her mother's and I did 16 months. And I went back to the Corcoran shoe. That's where I did a lot of my time was like in high institutions and just level four yards. That's where I spent my all my time. And so we started that plan then, and then we reentered. I reentered back into the community. She had her own apartment, and she was doing well. She was working, and she lived about five blocks about. Away from her mama's house. And then they knew who I was and we started building a relationship and really building trust with them that we were gonna start something different, including with my mother. And so you wanna give some context on that?

Yeah, on that, like, cuz we had to rebuild that trust because we had brought the parents in and we were like, okay, we're gonna do good. And we had a little fallback and So when he went away, he came back home, we had to rebuild that trust with both of our parents. Yeah.

And so I came into this as a— I inherited 2 other older kids through marriage.

Okay.

So I didn't know how to be a stepdad, a dad. I didn't have any tools to that whatsoever. No tools on what that looked like, that experience. Never experienced it in my life. I experienced as a kid when my mother married Eddie Wells, right? And I was a rebellious little 17-year-old kid, like, you're in my mama's life, right? And so I'm just giving some, some context and background into our process. But the reality is, okay, once we got our stuff together, I was off paper record time, 8 months.

Yeah.

How do we give back to the community that once we did harm to? And that's the community that we both were raised in. And so going to Teralta Park, that was our office space, engaging with the community there, building relationships with them with no funding attached, nothing connected, and just giving back. And I had a— we had to earn the respect and relationships from our parents, but even the community, they were like, okay, who are these guys? Who's, who's this? Okay, are you really—

Isn't it— isn't that guy—

Isn't that—

I was gonna say, there was a handful of them that were like Oh, are you sure you guys changed? Are you sure you're doing well?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Let me say that I met you years ago. We've known each other for a long time and I met your dad. I know passed away not a few, not so long ago, but I met you guys. Gosh, I don't even remember how many years ago, but I w— I was introduced to you by Greg, the banker. What was it?

The banker.

That's true.

Greg Matthews.

Yeah.

I was talking to him and he said, do you know Arthur down here in San Diego? Arthur Soriano? And I said, no, I, I don't. He said, well, you need to meet him. All right. And that's how we met. And then I ended up coming down and doing a Parents on a Mission training. So what I, what I want to say is, and to everybody out there that listening, these are 2 people who've been through a lot. And I know they shared a little bit about it, but here's the point. And for all of you out there, Whatever has happened, we can overcome it and turn it around. And now they are through youth empowerment; they are reaching so many people. And I've been watching them from the outside. I'm here in Santa Barbara; they're in San Diego. But we've been friends for a long time. They are really good about doing parents on a mission, which we'll talk about. But what I want to say is that. Their programs and their organization has grown, and they're making tremendous impact in San Diego. So congratulations to you guys, and I hope that would be an encouragement. All of you that are listening, that will be encouragement to you. Don't let your past rob you of your future.

That's right.

That's true. And we used our past to build our future. We used our lived experience to direct our future, and So that's what we're all about, our experiences. And we have no shame and guilt, like expressing it, being honest, being vulnerable, because there's a lot of individuals in the community, it's hard for them to express that.

Absolutely.

But that's the foundation of our organization, which is credible messengers, individuals with lived experience, our same shared lived experience, the cultural proficiency, the being able to connect, de-escalating violence, being able to connect with parents because we have similar backgrounds as the parents that we're serving. So now we're serving youth, individuals, and families that have been impacted through the justice system through a lived experience lens. That's our core. That's what we concentrate. And so we work with the juvenile justice population, kids in juvenile hall. We have mentors that go in there and facilitate healing circles. I trained probation officers on restorative practices, creating a foundation, a bridge from juveniles to staff, so that when all the violence is happening up in there, we could scale that down so that they could create relationships and work with one another, right? Like that foundation. And so we also have an after-school program. We have our adult program, individuals that are returning back into the community. Our parents on a mission program, and so our biggest initiative lately, which has been one of our hardest challenges, but is going to be most like one of our most rewarding, is that Medi-Cal process Cal Aim that now allows to to to work with the community and know sometimes programs and budgets of. State and county. They're very specific and it prevents you from stopping to working with the population. But now this gives us access to— because 90% of our population has Medi-Cal. And so now we're able to tap into that. So, and our main purpose is to bring resources but dismantle that school-to-prison pipeline and make families strong. That's what yes, that's what this is all about: making families strong. You want to give some feedback on that?

On Medi-Cal?

Gabby, now you have been. I think you guys you could correct me if I'm wrong, but you've been have you or have you been I should say the main facilitator of Parents on a Mission?

Yeah, I have.

How many?

I know how many.

Sessions have you taught, would you say?

I don't know. I can't even, I couldn't even tell you. I've been doing it for years now. And it's, to be quite honest with you, it's my favorite thing to do here in the organization. And why? Because I'm a mom. Because I'm a mom. Why? Because the moment that we took the training to begin with, I was like, oh my God, so much that you think you know, but you don't know. And so much that just our communities and our families, our parents, our ancestors, all that's been like instilled for so long that you just continue to pass it on to your kids and their kids and so forth. And I saw that, I saw that just that need for, for me to be able to give that to our community so that they could know what I know now. So it just kind of just drove me just to just connect, not just with our Spanish folk, because the majority of my facilitations have been in Spanish. And that just fills my heart to be able to give that to our people, to give that to the community as a whole, not just our people, but just everybody around here that just Gosh, everybody could benefit from it. I don't care who you are. So yeah.

I saw recently, saw a picture of you guys when you had completed the original training I did with you guys. Looked at that picture and I said, oh my God. Yeah, you guys, you look the same, by the way.

But yeah, excited.

Thought about how long it's been. It's been a while. And I don't even remember, like I said, I don't remember the year, but Talk about how did that impact you at first as parents and Arthur as a stepparent?

So quite honestly, it gave me more tools. And each time after I took the training and facilitated as a facilitator, it always gives me more tools. The foundational part for me is always the personal development component to Parents on a Mission because ultimately that's That's, in my opinion, the meat of it.

Yes.

Because like, the more that you work on yourself, the more that you role model, is how your kids are going to gravitate to the lifestyle and the future. And so beginning with our 2 older kids and learning that and engaging in our trials and tribulations with them, because the reality is that background that we gave earlier They experienced that to older kids, so they know what it is like when mom's gone, when stepdaddy is gone, and they're living with grandma, right? And so they've been through that traumatic experience and all these complex traumas to where what we learned out of it is we just need to be consistent. We have to move forward, pave the way. And when they wanna point fingers and this and that, right now you have this year completed, you have 2 years completed and 3, 4, 5 years completed and they start seeing the progress. They can't throw that card no more. Right. Where things is, if I'm being honest, it's time to grow up, get over that trauma cuz we're moving forward. Right.

Yeah. Yeah. That's a big part. That's a big part of it. Gabby, you've taught it a lot too. One of them, as you, Arthur, as you, the first part of it, the personal growth. One of the biggest parts is the forgiveness piece.

That was about— yeah, I'm gonna talk about that.

Yeah, the forgiveness piece. And we can't hold the guilt and shame over our heads because then that's going to consume us. Now we not— we need to lead the way and be strong for them. And we've experienced it. I don't even want to get into the list of the trials and tribulations with 2 older ones, but guess what? Now the older one, he's married, gave us our first grandson. He has his—

Bonus ones.

Yeah, and 2 bonus ones, right?

Is that right?

Yeah, he's, uh, I used to criticize him all the time about his tattoo work, and I would never get a tattoo that— and now, I mean, the other day I was like, damn, man, I'm proud of you. He's doing some great work. And so he has that skill. And he went from, from, you know, you ain't my daddy. Yeah, you ain't my daddy.

I know that one. I've not, I've heard that one too.

It's so funny.

He's, he just put a nonprofit together too, right? Just got the acceptance of it. And he's, he wants to bring in tattoo removals and all that. And how, so he's building on that and he has his family and he has his foundation and And then our 19-year-old—

20 now.

Oh yeah, she just turned 20. What's, what's unique about her is it's been hard, difficult living at the home, but we happen to live in a family compound. We have our own house, mom's in a guest house, and my sisters have their own home in the back. But everything that we've taught her Because she moved in with her tías in the back, and they don't play. They have a structure. You gotta clean, you gotta do this, you gotta— if you want to live here. And so everything we've taught her, she's putting into action over there. So sometimes when it comes from a parent, it's not going to be received as like— Children rebel, right? That's the realities. But As long as we put in that, that foundation. So when they do land somewhere else, they start doing that structural work is what the growth has been. So we're proud of her too. She got her first primetime job working with kids.

Yeah.

And, but now it's the, now our responsibility is the 2 younger ones, our 10-year-old and 7-year-old.

She's 8 now.

Oh yeah, 8 years old.

They just had a birthday, both the girls, you know.

Yeah, so now that's like our concentration, our focus of building them up. And fortunately for them, they don't know nothing about the background, the history we talked about.

They get a better version.

The first time that my son found out about incarceration on my book, The Resilience Blueprint, I was taking—

He read the back of it.

I was taking him to soccer practice and he was reading the back of it. And I was like, do I let him finish reading or not? And I was like, okay, I'm gonna let him finish.

Yeah.

And then he was like, Dad, you were a gang member? Dad, you went into jail for violence? I thought you—

The red light?

Because I always used to tell him it was a red light. And he's like, I thought you were a good guy. And I was like, you are. I am a good guy. Yeah, I am a good guy. And so now they know, they're aware. I haven't let them read it from, you know, point A to point Z just yet, but they know because they see Daddy talking to people in jail, visiting people in jail. They know the community, they're in the office space, they're seeing the work. So that's our main concentration, is breaking generational curses. Yeah, that's— we talked about our life, but Her family and gangs, curses, spiritual curses, forces. We need to break all that. That's just within our family, but not in the community. This warfare that is happening and these young kids, especially now with all this technology and the phones and the mental health. And so it needs to start with families.

And until I think it's in the second chapter in the personal growth, what was delivered, what's delivered to the families, and the fact that the forgiveness part, going back to that, the forgiveness part, that's so big. That's so big. That was my, that was like, sometimes I'm not gonna lie, I would go into 2 weeks for that same chapter because it was just so intense, so powerful for a lot of the people that, that, you know, that we serve here and just That whole process that they didn't even know that they had, that they were just like, oh my God. And just the growth that comes from it and just the gratefulness after it. Man, I didn't know that I could be better. Or even for myself, just as, as he's sitting here talking about the little ones and all of that, just the constant refreshers, the constant reminders for ourselves or for myself rather, because I'm mainly out there doing it and just, just hearing again and then about the, hey, let's write them a letter. Hey, let's make it special for just the constant stuff that. You could do to, to just, just be a better parent, a better person, a better whatever it is that, that fits to your life that you're lacking in. Yeah.

And, uh, I'm sorry, go ahead, Arthur.

And it's something that I recommend even if you don't have a kid.

Yeah.

I mean, yeah, like Rachel, my sister, took the course. She fell in love with it and she, she was, and then she facilitated it. And she was feeling very grateful for it and excited about it. And guess what? 2 years later, she ended up adopting a kid.

Wow.

So you never know. You may not have kids, and— but you might make a decision in the future that these tools are going to be something that works for you. And it builds up in the end leadership. And that's what this is about, leadership. Personal development in the home.

Yeah, that that's one of the things I always used to stress that you don't have to be a parent to go through parents on a mission. As a matter of fact, it's better if you don't have kids, right? Because we have to be trained to get a certificate for everything else—a driver's license, whatever—but parenting, parenting—you just have a kid and figure it out. Yeah, figure it out. And we know that there's so many broken families. I was raised in a broken family. You guys stuff. It's just the norm almost. I think we could say that there's so many. That's why I wrote my other book, The Art of Stepparenting, because it's the norm. And I've been a stepparent my whole parenting life. And it's, that's even tougher, as you guys know, having your own kids. Okay. You're the biological parents and that's a challenge, of course, in itself. But when you're raising somebody else's kids and then all the dynamics of the other parents and the other in-laws and the. All of those things, that was the whole goal of Parents on a Mission because of the work I was doing with at-risk youth way back in the '90s. And I saw all the dysfunction, but it is about leadership. And for those of you that don't know anything about Parents on a Mission, although if you're listening to the Parent Whisperer podcast, you've heard a lot, but I'll just remind you this: most parenting classes are Teaching parents to focus on their kids' behavior and trying to fix their kids. Parents on a Mission teaches us to focus on ourselves as parents and to deal with our own issues. And as Gabby said, when you learn that, oh, I can forgive other people and I can forgive myself and I can grow out of this life that I thought I had to live, people are set free. So do you have a maybe a story of— does somebody come to mind, somebody that really Either broke down or just really you saw them really change, I guess you could say.

Yeah, actually one of my favorite stories is there's a lady that works a lot in this community, in our community. You know that she's been around and doing the community work with helping at the schools, putting together little carnivals and stuff like that. Always for Dia de los Muertos, she's always first, right? And she's older. I'm talking like this lady's in her eighties. And she's come and done, she's come and done the class about 3 different times. But one of the, the first time that she came, she told me, and I'm not gonna share her name, but she told the class, because we're talking about the forgiveness letter, that was like the thing was forgiveness. And she said that when she was a little girl in Mexico, that she was with her mom and that they were in their house and one of the little neighbors like that from down the way, he was like a teenager or something, he came, he was running from the cops. Or running from something. I don't remember exactly, but he was running to get out. It was from the cops. Yeah, he was running from the cops, and he came to their door, and she opened the door. The mom, she opened the door and she let him in. She's like, "Come in here, honey." Whatever helping the kid because she's like, "It's a kid." So I guess one of the other neighbors saw that, and she told the cops that lady's hiding him over there. So. She's like, and you know what? After all these years, she said, I was only like about 10, 11 years old at the time. She said, but after all these years, I did not realize that I've held so much resentment against this lady. And she was crying. And I'm like, wow. Everybody was just like, oh, I get chills just talking about it. But she was like, literally, I didn't know that. Because I guess what ended up happening, they took the mom too. They took them both. So caused a lot of trauma for her to see that, and she held on to that. She held on to that all these years. And I'm telling you, the lady, mija, little old lady, and she's telling this story, and she's like, thank you. She's like, thank you. I didn't know that I can do that. And just like thinking about her, the little lady right there was a part of the little.

But yeah, it was just wow. That's a powerful story.

Yeah, just to see that she let that out, that. And she stood up in front of— and I'm talking about this class had like 30, 35 participants in there that were just, that were engaged. I'm talking about I had a Spanish translator, an English translator. I had a Vietnamese translator. Oh, it was a big class, right? So she got up and she spoke her truth. She spoke her truth and she felt so much better. And then every time she would come again, she was just like, I love this class. She was always talking it up. So. That was that was just an amazing story to me that she could find that that she needed to forgive after all these years.

So yeah, yeah, no, that's powerful, man. It's powerful, and I've heard this so many times. I can't tell you how many times we've heard from all the different classes that are being done with by people like you all over wherever they're at. Yeah, it's just yeah, and but you know why? It's because human beings were all. We're human beings. We all have the same needs. We've all been hurt. We've been let down. We've been burned one way or another, something like that. Lied to. Yeah.

Deceived, whatever.

And we all have that need, but sometimes people need to be reminded and guided to how to get there.

Yeah. Yeah. Exactly.

And unknown in a lot of our culture. Mexican culture, Latino culture, Chicano culture, Black culture, even white culture. Like, trauma has no skin color, right? And no background. That's right. And so the— we're taught to not say nothing, not communicate, not express our feelings, not express what we're going through. In particular, men, the machismo, right? You keep that inside. And when you do, it stirs something, right? And so I know for me to this day, and she knows, like, when I can't— like, I need to let it out. Like, it's just—

Yeah.

It's just like me letting it out is a form for relief for me, a coping skill for me to do that. And so we need to teach men how to be men, how to be parents, how to be dads, how to be stepdads, Because the reality is that we're not in the picture.

That's right.

In the picture. And there's a lot of fatherless homes and there's a lot of mothers taking that role as a mama and a daddy. And boys and girls need some type of, some type of father figure in their lives. And that's not to say that they can't be successful without a dad, but they need that. They need that support. So having 2 families in the household is extremely important. Yes. And at the end of the day, like, you know what, our, our relationship, and sometimes we get into our little squabbles, right? Right. She wants to knock me out.

No.

Hey, I understand.

We don't live like that no more.

Yeah, it's physically, but maybe just in your mind.

Yeah, it's part of relationships.

Yes.

And the kids, they need to see that when that does happen, there's effective reconciliation, reconciliation, effective communication so that they understand that and growing up. And I'm a big advocate with love. When I see the men in the parents are in space, I love that. The ones that are there, they're like, they're low percentage, but they're there.

They're there. Oh, I love it. That's always the thing.

There's always more women than men usually.

It is, but we've had like men. It's turned up a little bit in the latest ones. It's like you see more men lately, huh? Yeah. I get so excited. I'm like, there's dads in my class.

Yeah. Oh man, that, you know what that is? I love hearing that because a lot of times, like Arthur said, the machismo, it's like, ah, I don't want to go to that. When they get there and they go through it, they're always glad at the end. They can't say enough. I've received letters and emails. From fathers and dads who the beginning it was like, what am I doing here? But at the end they're glad, really glad. Yeah, they're glad. So listen, you guys, you guys are doing great work, man, and I want to congratulate you. I mean that with all my heart. I love what you're doing. I love when I've been down there the last time I was there to see your progress and that Arthur, what again? What is the name of your book? I have it back here somewhere. It's in that pile over there on this bookshelf over here.

Yeah, the the the resilience blueprint. Okay, good. Yeah, you could find it in Amazon. Just look up Arthur Soriano, the resilience blueprint, and the first seven chapters are rough and uncut, and then the next seven are the the healing journey and the process to.

Yeah.

To my life. And so, yeah, if you want to get involved, our website is youthempowermentsd.org. We have a big event coming up September 17th from 4 to 6 at Hoover High School. If you're in the area, registration is free, but the impact that we've had at that school has been amazing. I mean, What? This is the school that I went to high school at. This is the school that I went down the pipeline at. A month after being in the 9th grade, I went down the pipeline. I was caught for stealing a bike. It's very easy to get into the system and very hard to get out. And me getting out, that was that 23 years of incarceration that I'm talking about. But to come back to that school and work with that school for the last 3 years and have an afterschool program, restorative practices, parents on a mission, all connected to this process to where there was 100 incidents happening on gang fights out in the community, gang fights within the schools, to decrease the next year down to 50%, to now the third year, no gang fight whatsoever.

Wow.

The last school year, this continuing school year, no gang fight whatsoever. And the attendance is up, the behavioral is up, and the most importantly is that the youth are now creating the culture. Because I'm not gonna lie, there was 2 big sides, 30 kids on this side and 30 kids on this side that don't like each other. But I'm gonna give one example, one story.

Yeah.

This kid goes in to disrupt, and I'm not going to be a part of this, and right, this doesn't, this ain't happening. So the own kids, the youth, told that one kid, you're not going to come here and disrupt this. So when it comes from the youth leadership in that process, that's the important part. And it's been done by working with youth and their families. That's the most important part.

So I remember the last time I was there during the Youth on a Mission training, your sister— I don't remember if it was Michelle or Rachel— they and Alexis, they talked about that, which is exactly what you said, the impact that you guys were having on that school where they were having all the incidents like you said, and then it was now down to zero. Yeah. So again, Arthur, give the— give your website, and if people want to get involved or want to know more about your organization. For sure.

So the website youthempowermentsd.com, uh, .com I believe, or .org, one of the two. I think it's .org. Yeah, but here's our email: arthur@youthempowermentsd.org, arthur@youthempowermentsd.org, or gabby@youthempowermentsd.org. You'll see us on Facebook too, LinkedIn, Instagram, Youth Empowerment, or Arthur Soriano, Flor Soriano, Flor Gabby Soriano. So if you want to get engaged in whatever capacity, if you're here in San Diego, come be a part of the impact.

All right, listen, you guys, thank you so much for your time. And all of you, you've been listening to the Parent Whisperer podcast. Thank you again for your time. Thank you for listening. Please leave a review, share the video with anybody that you think it's going to help. If you have questions, I'm always happy to read those and always glad to answer any questions you might have about Parents on a Mission, any guests that we've had, about Arthur and Gabby Soriano, their organization in San Diego, Youth Empowerment. And also, I want to give you a heads up on my website. Now, on my website, richardrramos.com, you're going to notice there's a change because I have been really focused on the Parents on a Mission for a long time, but I also have a background of executive leadership, founding nonprofit organizations, funding other nonprofit organizations, developing leaders, and organizational development. So I want to spread my wings and get my message out to more organizations. So I'm remaking my website. So if you go to my website, you'll notice that, but all those free resources for parents are still there. My books are there. The parent on admission online courses there. If you wanted to, you say, Richard, where's a parent on admission class in my city? There may not be a parent on admission class in your city, but on my website, for only $97, and I say only because you're not going to find— have to say it myself— you're not going to find this material that they've talked about. That's a 15-video course. You can take it at your own leisure, take your time. You can invite other people to watch it with you, but you're not going to find a course of 15 videos with the material that we're presenting for $97. That's a $200 discount from what other people are going to charge you. So I'm not afraid to say it's only $97. So those resources are there for you if you want to learn more about Parents on a Mission and you want to take the courses by yourself. So again, thank you for listening to the Parent Whisperer podcast. And Mom and Dad, as I always say, Parents on a Mission is not for bad parents. It's for good parents who want to get better. See you next time.

Bye.