Beyond Blame: Embracing Personal Responsibility for a Better Life

Have you ever had a day where you thought something was going to happen? Have you ever talked to another person and you had a good understanding as far as you were concerned? Have you ever had an interaction with a mom, a dad, a brother, sister, teacher, someone at work and in your mind everything was set, everything was understood and everything was going to work out perfectly and then everything fell apart? Well, I'm Dr. Robert Rohman. Today we're going to be talking about on this particular podcast, personal responsibility and how to clean up a big mess when things don't go the way you thought they were going to.

Welcome to becoming wiser with Dr. Robert A. Rohm, author and world renowned public speaker, as he shares stories involving his experiences and lessons learned in a good, spirited, positive and fun way. Here's Dr. Robert A. Rohm. Most of us understand personal responsibility to some level. I mean, you feed yourself okay, that's personal responsibility. I realize a baby has to be fed with a bottle or with food until they get a little bit older. But if you're listening to this podcast today and you're part of our personality insights, family or team, you understand we place a big issue, a big area on personal responsibility because you're the only one that can fix you. You're the only one that has 100% complete control over your own thoughts, your attitudes, your actions, your behaviors. Those things that come out of your life, out of your body, out of your words, out of your mouth, those are things you're responsible for. I realize there's always an exception that somebody bigger than you and stronger than you can twist your arm and make you say, uncle, I get it. But for the most part in life, we do things that we want to do well. Today I want to take your level of personal responsibility to a whole new level. I want to move it from about shoulder height to the top of your head. I'm going to share with you a story that changed my life many years ago. It's a hard story. You might not agree with it. You might think that's the most ridiculous story I've ever heard my whole life. Well, it changed my life and it caused me to look at personal responsibility and the way I do my life a whole new way. And I'm going to share it with you. I hope you'll be open minded. I hope you'll listen and I hope you'll consider the fact that this lesson could potentially help you to have a better marriage. It could potentially cause you to have a better family and a better family, relationships with other people. It potentially could cause you to make a fortune in business. So let's get to the story. Many years ago, he's passed away now, but I had a friend, his name was Dexter Yeager. And Dexter was just a very unique individual. He owned a business, he a multi level marketing business. And in his particular downline, he had probably a million people. And these were people who were connected to him indirectly or directly, as the case may be. He owned his own airplane. He would fly. He was not the pilot, but he had a pilot that would fly him wherever he wanted to go. Well, on one particular weekend he was flying to speak at an individual function. And when he got there, someone was there to meet him. Of course, he was very well respected and very well admired and liked. So usually two or three special people would get to go pick him up and get to meet him and kind of like a rock star or a movie star. And he got off of his plane and people were there to greet him and they said, listen, you know, we'll load up the car. His plane had a cargo hatch, a place in the back of the plane where you could put luggage. But inside the plane he had some hanging clothes that he didn't want to get, you know, all wrinkled. And he had a briefcase and some other small items. And so the person was so excited again to pick him up, had a few other people with him to get to meet this well known individual. And so Dexter said, you know, I have some items in the plane, inside the plane that I have some luggage. And they said, we'll take care of it, we'll get it, we'll take care of it, we'll load it up. You don't have a thing in the world to worry about. So he got in the car and he drove off with the individual while the others unloaded the plane and got all the items inside the plane and in the luggage compartment. And they drove for two hours and then they got to the hotel. When they got to the hotel, they were unloading the cars. Dexter was talking to different people, having their picture made with him, so excited to have him there speaking. And he started looking at his suitcases and he noticed there are a couple of bags there and there his hanging clothes and there's his briefcase.

And he asked the individual, he said, now where's the small little travel bag that I had right beside my seat in the airplane?

And the guy said.

I didn't see it. What, what small little bag? Dexter said, well, right beside my seat on the floor was a little small bag, sort of like a travel bag, like a toiletry bag with my medicine in it, my blood pressure medicine.

The guy said, I didn't get it.

Dexter said, well, it's my fault. I should never have left the airport until I double checked that because my blood pressure medicine is in there and I have to have my blood pressure medicine. I can't just skip taking my blood pressure medicine. And it's Friday, and I'm going to go back to the plane on Sunday, and I can't afford or take a chance on not taking my medicine, my medication on Friday, Saturday and Sunday because that might be too dangerous. So Dexter said, it's my fault. I'll be more than happy to drive back and get it. And of course, you can imagine. They said, no, no, no, no, no. I'll go get it right now. I'll take. I'll drive for two hours, I'll go back and get it, and then I'll be back here. So in four hours, you'll have your medicine. Dexter said, well, listen, I'm not mad about it. It's my fault. I remember hearing him tell this story, and I'm sitting there thinking, thinking to myself, dexter, it was not your fault. You had people there to help you. You had people there to. To meet your plane and to unload it and to put it in the car and to get you to the hotel. It was not your fault. Somebody didn't pay attention to details. That's what was going through my mind. Not one time in this story did Dexter ever say it was their fault for not paying attention. He said, it's my medicine. It's my medication. It was my little black bag sitting beside my seat, and I'm more than happy to go back and get it because it was my mistake. I should never have left the plane until I checked to see that I had that important black bag. Now listen carefully what I'm about to say, because you may not like this story. I didn't like it. I didn't agree with it because I was at a lower level of personal growth and development still in the level of, well, I'm going to blame somebody else if things don't go like I thought they should or like I wanted them to or like they told me they would. Ladies and gentlemen, listen carefully. You can come up with a thousand and one excuses and reasons as to why somebody didn't treat you right, or somebody lied to you, or somebody didn't do what you thought they were going to do or what they even said they were going to. You Know, this reminds me, all of us listening to this have heard the story of David and Goliath. You remember, David was just a shepherd boy. And one day his father, Jesse, he said, hey, your brothers are off at war. I need you to take them some food. And David was still a young boy, a shepherd. And the father gave him some cheese and some other bread and other things to take to the brothers. David's father did not think a lot of him because he was young, he was inexperienced. He was not a man of war. He was just a shepherd. His father said, go see your brothers.

David got there, and his brothers made fun of him and said, well, what are you doing here? Who'd you leave the few sheep with? They made fun of him. He's just a kid. He's just a shepherd. Who'd you leave the few sheep with? Like, what you do is not important. So now strike one. His father doesn't think much of him. His brothers don't think much of him, and Goliath is out taunting the Israelites. Send somebody out here to fight me. I'm not afraid of any of you, you bunch of cowards. David said, why hasn't somebody done something about this? Why hasn't someone stopped him? He's defying the armies of Israel. He's defying the armies of the living God. King Saul said, well, David, that's nice for you to say, but you're just a kid and you're not a trained warrior, and you really don't amount to much. I mean, you just brought some cheese and bread for your brothers. Who are you to tell us how to run a military campaign? Well, now there's three strikes against him. His father doesn't think much of him, his brothers don't think much of him, and now King Saul doesn't think much of him. David said, well, you know what? All that may be true, but I don't live my life on the basis of what somebody else is going to do. I don't live my life and make my decisions on what somebody else thinks and what somebody else said and what somebody else did or what somebody else didn't do. I live my life on the basis of doing what's right and what I think I need to do in order to be responsible for my own actions and my own behaviors. David said, let me go fight Goliath. I will kill him. I will cut his head off and feed him to the birds today.

Well, that kind of got everybody's attention because nobody had been saying anything quite like that. Everybody had Been saying, you do it, you do it, you do it. In other words, I'm not responsible for this. I'm not going to deal with this. This is a hard situation, but maybe somebody else will come along and deal with some. I fault, not my responsibility. I don't think I'm going to get involved. You ever said that? You ever been involved in situ? I know I have. David went out to fight Goliath, and all he had was a slingshot and a few rocks, a few smooth stones. And Goliath.

Like so many other people, decided he would pile on and add to the problem. First, it was David's father that didn't think much of him. Then his brothers didn't think much of him. Then King Saul didn't think much of him. Now Goliath doesn't think much of him. Goliath's. Goliath looked at him and said, am I a dog that you'd come out here to fight me with a stick? You're. Why would they. What are they? Well, have they lost their mind? They're sending a kid out here to. I'm a man of war. I. I am a trained soldier. I know how to fight and I know how to defend and I know how to kill. And you are a kid. What in the world. Now Goliath's making fun of him. Please hear me well. Today's podcast is about don't let what somebody else said or did affect the way you live your life. Boy, this is hard, isn't it? I told you at the beginning, it moves from about shoulder level to the top of your head, level of how you see things and how you think you know the story. David put the rock in the sling, started to roll it around and around. I jokingly say that's where rock and roll began, right there. That day out in that field in the Valley of Elah, David let go of that sling and that rock hit Goliath right between the eyes and knocked him out. And he fell to his knees and fell down, and David ran up to him while he was unconscious, pulled his big sword out of the sheath and cut Goliath's head off and killed him. That was a turning point. Without going into another whole story, that's what led David to eventually become the king of Israel. That's what led the Israelites to victory. Are you aware, under David's kingship, Israel never lost a battle. They were undefeated. He was a man who knew how to go into leading people and a nation in the right direction. Say, where did that Begin. It began with him learning to do that with himself, with himself. He learned, how do I work with me? How do I think about things? This is big stuff. This is hard stuff. This is challenging stuff. Years ago, I read a book called the Road less traveled by Dr. Scott Peck. Dr. Peck was a psychiatrist, and in the book he said, I have spent my whole career trying to understand what life is about. Boy, I got excited as I was reading. He said, I finally figured it out. I have personally counseled over 40,000 people. I have 40,000 files of people that I have counseled as a psychiatrist in the military. He had a military career as a psychiatrist and then in private practice. After his military career, he said, I finally figured out what life is all about. Life's about two things, learning and growing. He said, if you're learning and you're growing, then you're doing what life is all about. I got so excited when I was reading because I thought, I'm doing that. I'm doing what life is about. I'm learning. I make mistakes. I get knocked down, but I get back up. I'm learning and I'm growing. You see, bitter people who are mean and hateful live their life with, I don't want to do anything wrong. Because if you live your life on. I don't ever want to do anything wrong, and I might make a mistake and somebody might blame me for something, you're living life all wrong. But if you're living life under the guidelines of, what can I learn from this situation? How can I be better? How can I do more? I. How can I go the second mile? How can I learn from a situation?

How can what I learned or what I heard make me a better, more responsible person? I was not at the airport that day when Dexter landed. I was not anywhere near that. But I heard him tell the story because he was trying to emphasize one thing. You can live your whole life blaming everybody else, and when you finish, you'll be right back where you started. Or you can say, what can I learn from this? What can I do better? What can I do better? Next time. Dexter said, every time I get off my plane now, I double check before we leave, do I have everything? I don't want to drive two hours only to find out it was my fault that I didn't communicate to someone. I really need to have that medicine. It's important to my health. You might not like this story. You might not agree with this story. I have news for you. This is one of those stories that helped me to Become a better person. It helped me to learn and grow. That's what life's about.

I can blame everybody that I meet because I promise you, somebody's not going to do you right. Somebody's not going to treat you right. Somebody's not going to say something to you that you like and you can fall apart and act like a child, or you can say, hmm, what can I learn from that? How can I do that better? You see, if you have the attitude of how can I learn from that? And how can I do better? You are going to posture yourself to do better in business. I once heard W. Clement Stone make the statement, the success of sales does not depend upon the buyer. The success of sales depends upon the one who's doing the selling. You have to think about that, don't you? You see, if a salesperson does not understand how to do sales, they're not going to do very well in sales. But if a salesperson says, I don't know how to do this. I need to learn to work at how to do sales better, and they get better at it, and they learn and grow and they can become more successful, it's because they recognized I'm the one who has to learn and grow and learn how to do this and get better at sales. If you want to be a good husband, you can blame your wife all day. I'm sure everybody got a defective wife, but guess what? Every wife got a defective husband. Or you can say, maybe I need to fix me. I can't fix them. Maybe I need to be a better husband. Maybe I need to be a better wife. That seems to work well for me. I have never been a woman, and I can't fix my wife, but I can be a good husband. And when I try my best to be a loving, kind husband who listens and cares and is thoughtful and doesn't say things that are mean and hateful, wow, it really pays great dividends. I'll just let your mind think about that for a little while. If you're. If you're a child at home still growing up, I know you don't have perfect parents. You got defective parents. That's all that's available. What can you do as a son or a daughter to be a better son or daughter?

What can you do in your family to be a better brother or sister? You see, you can blame them all day long, but it doesn't do you any good. As a matter of fact, it hurts you because it stunts your growth and keeps you from being a successful person. Well, we could talk about this all day, but I think you got the big idea today. Personal responsibility. How can I look at situations and say it's not their fault? And I realize you could come up with an example of how you were in the wrong place at the wrong time and something bad happened to you, and that's not fair. I get it. I get it. We all have those unusual circumstances or situations. May I tell you something? Let that go. Just let it go. Just forget about something bad happened to me and it wasn't my fault and somebody said something about me and it wasn't true and somebody made fun of me and it. That really wasn't fair.

I don't know how you control the world and make everybody do what you want them to do, to make everybody say and act the way you want them to say things or act a certain way. I just have not found that to be very productive. Here's what I do. Here's the way I live my life. I want to learn and grow, be the best person I can. If I make a mistake, I'm sorry. Thank you. Learn a good lesson. I'll do better next time and grow through it. It seemed to work for David. He went from being a shepherd boy taking cheese and bread to his brothers to being the king of Israel and one of the greatest men who ever lived. Now people name their boys David. I wonder if it had anything to do with. He made that name famous by becoming a king simply because he didn't let what other people said to him or think about him or treat him. He never let it bothered him. He just did what he thought was the most appropriate way to live his life. Oh, sure, he made mistakes. He wasn't perfect, but, boy, he understood, when I make a mistake, I'm going to learn from it and do better next time. That's our podcast for today. I want to ask you, are you willing to move ahead with the whole concept of I'm just going to do the next right thing? Whatever comes into my life, I'm just going to do the next right thing? If you do, I promise you, you'll be the winner for it. I'm Dr. Robert Rome. I hope today's podcast has been helpful. I. I know it sure has helped me and I hope it helps you, too. Thank you so much. For more information about this podcast, please visit www.becomingwiserpodcast.com.