How to Understand Yourself and Other People

Do you think you know how to read people? I know I thought I did. I was working on my fifth college degree with a major in administration and a minor in psychology and counseling. And little did I know how little I really understood how to read people. Today we're beginning a five part series and I'm going to share with you something that I've been teaching and training all over the world for the last 30 years to help you learn how to read people better than you thought possible.

Welcome to becoming wiser with Dr. Robert A. Rohm, author and world renowned public speaker, as he shares stories involving his experiences and lessons learned in a good spirited, positive and fun way. Here's Dr. Robert A. Rohm.

I'm going to teach this in a way that I believe will be very visual. That is, you'll be able to see it in your mind's eye. I believe in keeping things simple and clear. I have spent a lifetime trying to focus on helping people understand things that are usable, practical, duplicatable, transferable. And the only way to do that is really to have a good, clear picture in your mind in the way you see things in the eye of your mind so you can understand things better. I mean, let's all face it, understanding things that we can use and that are practical to us make, make things a whole lot better. When I go outside and I need to find my car, I want to know which one it is, what it looks like, where did I park it. And so the more you understand something and the better view you have of it, the more practical it becomes. And here's the key, the more you will use it. So let's get started. Jump on this. I think you're really going to love it. I know this is some of the most powerful information that I have ever learned in my life and I believe it will be for you as well. Picture a circle. Okay, very simple. Start just picture circle. Now draw a line across the middle of it, horizontally, horizontally, of course, is from left to right or right to left. And now you have the top half of the circle and the bottom half of the circle. Let's say the top half of the circle represents people who are more outgoing, they're, they're a little more fast paced, they're a little more optimistic, energetic, involved, positive, enthusiastic. You kind of get the picture. Then let's let the bottom half of the circle represent people who are a little more reserved, they're slower paced, they tend to be a little more cautious and more concerned about things. Maybe a little more reluctant Are you sure this is legal? Is this okay? They're better at critical thinking, thinking things through and being careful. They're better at discerning. Now, one's not right or wrong. One type's not good or bad. They're just different. Outgoing people tend to. Vroom, vroom, let's get going. Reserve types are slowed down. Man, you're going to have a heart attack at the rate you're going. Again, this is sort of like your motor. It's the way you tend to do life. Now listen carefully. Everyone has some of both of these types or both of these traits. But if you had to choose between those two and just. You can change your mind later on for our time right now, any maybe 51%, 49%. That's okay. You got to have a starting point. See, that's what's key. You got to start somewhere. So would you lean or 10 towards being more outgoing or would you lean or 10 towards being more reserved? Top half of the circle is outgoing. Bottom half's reserved. Get that picture in your mind right now. I guess you can tell I'm a little more outgoing. That doesn't mean I'm better. That doesn't mean I'm right or wrong or good or bad. It's the way I'm wired. Everybody is wired to be a little more outgoing or a little more reserved. I also realize there are a lot of environmental issues, but I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the way you feel in your heart of hearts. The real you ask yourself, do I think I'm more outgoing? Do I think I'm more reserved? I promise you, if you learn this, you'll be able to have a whole new view of yourself as well as how to connect with others. And that really is powerful in what life is all about. Let's go to our second image. Again, we're looking at that same circle, only this time we're going to divide it vertically from top to bottom or bottom to top. So you now have that line that separates the left side from the right side. Let's call the left side task or high tech. That's the side that likes form and function and. And follow a program. I like a written program. I want to be part of the program. They like plans. Plan your work. Work your plan. They like to be part of a project. They love a process, a chain of command. This is the way it works. Follow this and you will be successful. That's the left side. The right side is more people oriented or high touch they're into relationships, caring and sharing, a little more emotional about things in life. They are at a movie or they maybe cry at the grand opening of a Walmart. Just a little something that's touching, touches their heart. They're more into feelings, you don't want to hurt their feelings. And they're real big into friendships. That's the right side. Remember the left side's task, the right side's people. One's not right or wrong was not good or bad. But let me ask you a question. This is more of like your compass. You know, a compass shows you or points you in the right direction, the direction in which you want to go. If you had to choose between those two, maybe it's 51% and 49%. You're not locked in for life. You can change your mind later on. But ask yourself, do I think, am I more interested in getting the job done done? Am I more interested in getting things complete and finished? Is that what gives me real satisfaction in life results and in making sure things are done right? Or are you more relational? Are you wanting to make sure let's get along with each other? I don't want people to have their feelings hurt. I like recognition and I like talking to other people and giving them recognition. And in relationships are important. I mean, at the end of the day, even if you got all your work done, do you get along with people? Do you make sure that everybody is. Feels cared about? So ask yourself, which way do I think I am? Again, this is your compass. And do you mean lean more to the left? More task, more thinking, or do you lean more to the right? More people, more feeling. And if I've said it before, one's not right or wrong, one's not good or bad, they're just different. The left side's high tech, the right side's high touch. The left side stance, the right side's people. The left side again, more thinking. The right side again, more feeling. So in your mind, ask yourself which way I am. You can change your mind later on. You'll soon see that all of us have all of these traits from time to time. But what I'm asking you, in your heart of hearts, the real you, is it about the task or is it about the people? Now, I'm just speaking for me. I'm not trying to influence you in any way. At the end of the day, mine is more towards people. I'm a workaholic. I love to work, but I want to make sure that people feel loved and accepted and If I got all of my work done and left.

Bodies in the wake of everything that I did, I wouldn't feel good about that. So I would rather. I would rather make sure everybody's loved and cared about and valued then getting everything done and making sure that my everything was checked off my list. But hear me well. One's not right or wrong, one's not good or bad. I'm just sharing with you how I'm sort of wired so you can identify with that. Believe me, everybody has some of all of these traits, but you got to start somewhere. So let's review. Are you more outgoing? Are you more reserved? Top half of the circles, outgoing. Bottom half's reserved. Are you more task oriented? Are you more people oriented? Left sides, task, right sides, people. Now we put those two circles together and we have four quadrants. Let's review the outgoing. Remember now where you raised your hand two places, you were either outgoing and task oriented or outgoing and people oriented or reserved and people oriented or reserved and task oriented. For the sake of our time together today, and I promise you, you're going to love this because it's just so practical, let's put in four letters and we're going to do this in clockwise order. In the top left, where was the quadrant that was outgoing and tasked? Put the letter D. The letter D as in dominant in the top right, that was outgoing and people oriented. Put the letter I as in inspiring, in the bottom right. Again, clockwise order in the bottom right. For those that were reserved and people oriented, put the letter S as in supportive. And then the bottom left, the you're going to put the letter C as in cautious. So you see the letters D, I, s, C in clockwise order. Again, the letter D stands for dominant, direct, demanding, decisive, determined, doer. Notice all those start with the letter D. You got it. Then in the upper right hand corner we said the words are inspiring, influencing, impressionable, interactive, impressive, interested in people. And all those begin. You got it. With the letter I. Clockwise order, bottom right, the letter S. We said supportive, stable, steady, sweet, status, quo, and shy. This is the bottom right, the supportive type. And then finishing out our four circles, the bottom left, the letter C. We said cautious, calculating, competent, conscientious, contemplative, and careful. Now, all four of those represent what we call the disc D, I, S, C model of human behavior. Let's have a quick review. Then we'll begin to wind up our first session. This is powerful and it's something that you can easily see and I'm hoping you can do it in your mind's eye. But if you have to write some of this down, please feel free to do so now. Now remember, most people have predictable patterns of behavior or specific personality styles. There are four basic personality types, also known as temperaments. They here's the key words blend together. Remember your sum of all of this. They blend together to determine your unique personality style. Now, to help you understand why you often feel, think and act the way you do, remember the graphic of the four temperament model of human behavior. The four parts are like four quarters of a circle. Now before we see the parts as they stand alone, let's review them individually. Let's take a look at the circle in two parts. These two types are different from each other. Think of it this way. Some people are more outgoing, others are more reserved. You remember that top part and the bottom part. Outgoing people are more decisive and interactive. Reserve types are more steady and careful. One type's not better than the other and both types of behavior are important. Reserve types need to learn how to be more dominant and inspiring. Outgoing people need to learn how to be more supportive and cautious. Or saying another way. Here's some good tips. If you're more outgoing and you live in the top half of the circle, it won't hurt you to learn to be more supportive and cautious. And if you live in the bottom half of the circle, it won't hurt you to visit the top half and be more dominant and inspiring at times. Remember, there's also another way to divide the circle. Two other types of personalities. These are also different from each other. You may recognize the left side's more task, the right side's more people. Task oriented people enjoy doing things like directing and correcting. While people oriented individuals like to relate with others, interacting and sharing. Remember, it's okay to visit the other side if you're left sided and very task oriented. It's great to learn how to interact and share. If you're more right sided and people oriented, it is powerful to learn how to be very direct and correct in the things that you do. When you combine these two ways to divide the circle, you will see they give the circle four parts. That's how you can visualize the four temperament or personality types. Here's the most important thing I've said on this whole podcast so far. Everyone is a unique blend of these four parts. All of you listening to me today have some of all four of these traits to a greater or lesser degree. Now we're going to wind up with a quick review and then I'll tell you what we're going to be doing in our next four sessions. Here's our quick review. Remember, the Ds are the dominant type. They're outgoing and task oriented. Think of the exclamation point. That's their symbol. They're dominant, direct, demanding, decisive, determined doers. Those are our words again. They are strong, they're powerful and they get the job done. Remember the upper right hand quadrant. That was our inspiring type. Their symbol is the star. There's no business like show business. They want to make sure everybody's having a great time and having a wonderful life. Inspiring, influencing, impressionable, interactive, impressive and interested in people. We repeat these so you can jot them down if you would like to. And you can get these words and even draw this picture. It is. I have drawn this picture hundreds of times and whenever I draw it someone always says the same thing. Would it be possible be to keep a copy of that? It's just so usable. The bottom right, remember bottom right, clockwise order. The supportive type. We give them the plus and the minus sign, more or less, give or take. Either way, they just want everybody to get along. They don't like conflict. They want and enjoy a peaceful environment. They're supportive, stable, steady. They're, they're very sweet or kind. Their nature is one of just kindness and they love the status quo. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. And they tend to be a little bit shy. And then finally finishing out the quadrants, going again in clockwise order. In the bottom left is the C type. The cautious type. They reserved and task oriented. They get the question mark because they're listing right now thinking I'm not sure which one I am. I, I want to make sure I get this exactly right. We call them the cautious, calculating, competent, conscientious, contemplative and careful type. Again, the group that re proofreads xerox copies. Now here's the most beautiful thing about this. We're going to start by helping you understand where you begin some of these traits. And I've been doing this for over 30 years, usually not all the time, but usually two of these traits you'll be pretty good at and two of them you'll need to work on a little bit. Well, welcome to life. Two of these you tend to do naturally and two of them you may need to work on a little bit more. Now that's not true 100%. We're not trying to put anybody in a box. We're not trying to label people. Categorize people, pigeonhole people, or put people in the box. We, we're not trying to do any of those things. Here's what we're trying to do. We're trying to understand people. You know, if I told you I want to categorize you or analyze you or put you in a box or pigeonhole you, that's those all. That's so offensive. But if I said, you know, I really like to understand you a little bit better, see how that moves in a whole different direction. We're going to teach you how to understand yourself, how to understand others, and become the person you were meant to be. Now, last thing, there are many, many models of human behavior out there. As I mentioned earlier, I've. I've burned my brains up going to school. PhD stands for Piled Higher and Deeper. But I learned by this model. It is so clear that you have a starting point. We're not trying to psychoanalyze you. We're not trying to do therapy on you. We're trying to understand you and help you understand yourself and how to understand other people in your life, your major significant other. Your husband, your wife, your children, your parents, people you work with. This model will make a major difference. I hope you've got the picture clear in your mind. Now. I told you I had a little surprise for you. In our next four sessions, we're going to go through each one of these four different personalities to help you fine tune which one you think you might be and how to understand the others. It's two parts to everything that we do. Number one, understand yourself. And number two, wow, that's my husband, that's my wife, that's my brother, that's my sister, that's my mom, dad, that's my co worker. Help you to understand them better so you can stop resisting them, thinking that there's something wrong with them, and start receiving them, realizing there's something right about them. This is powerful information and I'm so glad I'm going to get to share it with you. I'm Dr. Robert Rome, President, Personality Insights, headquartered here in Atlanta, Georgia, but doing business all over the world. Looking forward to training you in the disc model of human behavior. I look forward to talking to you next time. Thank you so much.

For more information about this podcast, please visit www.becomingwiserpodcast.com.