The Secret Behind Your Mood: Taking Back Control

What is the matter with you? Why are you so moody today? Has anyone ever said that to you? Or maybe have you ever said that to another person? Well, today we're going to be talking about, on this particular podcast, who determines your mood? Who is it that decides how you feel about things and what kind of state of mind or mood you are in every day.

Welcome to becoming wiser with Dr. Robert A. Romeo, author and world renowned public speaker, as he shares stories involving his experiences and lessons learned in a good, spirited, positive and fun way. Here's Dr. Robert A. Rohm.

Hey, I'm Dr. Robert Rohm, and today on this podcast, we're going to talk about something that I think is both serious and funny. It's serious because all of us have a mood or an attitude or a feeling that carries us through each day. That's important. I think it's important that we're in a good frame of mind or in a good mood. But it's also funny because have you ever wondered how your mood is determined? I mean, what makes you be in a good mood or in a bad mood or maybe just being a moody person? We've all had our moments, haven't we? Well, let me share with you a few thoughts about this that have helped me along the way, and I believe it will help you, too. Now, I'm going to give you some examples and some stories and illustrations that I think will be helpful. Okay? My wife's name is April. So suppose I wake up tomorrow morning and I say, april, I need to ask you a question. And she looks at me and says, okay, what is it? And I say, what kind of mood are you in? And she looked at me and she said, I. I just feel grumpy today. I don't feel good. I just. I don't feel like I'm in a very good mood right now. And I looked at her and said, thank you very much. Now I know what kind of mood I can have today. I'll be grumpy and I'll just kind of be in a bad mood all day because I was able to get my mood based on your mood. Well, if you were standing there watching that, you would say, that's the craziest thing I've ever heard. Doctor, why would you get your mood based on her mood? What in the world does her mood have to do with your mood? Or suppose we woke up in the morning and I said, hey, April, what kind of mood are you in? And she said, oh, I'm in a happy mood today. I feel Good. This is going to be a great day. I just feel like, this is awesome and I am in a great mood. And I started jumping up and down and I said, all right, now I can be in a good mood because you're in a good mood. This is going to be a great day. This is awesome. You would also look at me and say, what in the world? Have you lost your mind? Why do you ask your wife what kind of mood you should be in based on what kind of mood she's in? Then it gets worse. Have you, your kids ever put you in a bad mood? Have your parents ever put you in a bad mood? Have you ever had a little run in with another person? A boss, a husband, wife, son, daughter, parent, friend, coworker? And all of a sudden, you just became a sour puss. You're like, well.

And you're just all bummed out. Now, wait a minute. This is one of the greatest things I've learned in my life because I have found out that I am the only person on the planet that is 100% in charge of my own mood. Now, I'm going to tell you how to do this. This is kind of tricky. It's like, you know, nailing jello to the wall. It can be done, but it's just a little bit of a challenge. So first of all, before I tell you, I want to remind you of a few things that would be helpful. There's a big lie floating around in every household. You've heard it. Here's what the lie says. Well, if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. Now, that's not good English, but you certainly understand the concept. That means if mama is upset, then everybody in the house has got to be upset, too. That's not true. If Mama ain't happy, that's Mama's business. I can't control her. I can't fix her. I'm sorry about it. You see, that's the second thing I want you to learn is you cannot control another person's mood. You can't control another person's attitude. You can't fix another person. Now, let me. Let me be careful. There are about three or four things that are exceptions to every rule. For example, if you're in the military, somebody can control you all the time. If you're on a sports team, your coach can control you, or you may not get to play. If you're a parent of a small child, maybe, you know, two, three years old, you need to control them. Don't let them wander out in traffic, don't let them wander off at the mall and get themselves lost. You can control people in the military or on sports teams or small children. There also may even be a little bit of this in the workplace. In other words, bosses or employers can control employees as to what time they have to be at work and whether or not their job performance is good or they perhaps will lose their job. But the whole idea of I'm going to live my life and I'm going to determine my mood based on what someone else is doing, thinking, feeling, saying, acting is not very good smarts, it's not very good intelligence. So let me kind of share with you some things that I believe that will help this. First of all, when you around another person and they're just maybe in a bad mood or they're in a bad place, here's the first thing I would encourage you to do. Take a deep breath. And I mean that literally. Just take in a deep breath and pause. There's nothing like a good deep breath. You might want to take in two or three good breaths. And while you're taking in those two or three deep breaths, say to yourself, self, this is not your problem. This is their problem. They're in a bad place. Maybe something happened in their life. Maybe someone gave them the short end of the deal. Maybe they got bad news instead of going to a bad place with them and feeling discouraged and depressed. And life's so terrible. Rain, cats and dogs. And I got one with the rabies and it rained soup and all I had was a fork. And you're just in a. A bad place or a bad mood. Instead of doing all that, take two or three really deep breaths. Just breathe in deep. Second thing I would encourage you to do, separate your issues from someone else's issues. Now I'm married to the sweetest girl in the world. As a matter of fact, she's never in a bad mood. And that's amazing to me. I have to work on my mood more than she has to work on hers. She just always happy, always upbeat, always encouraging, always loving. I mean, it's crazy. I won the wife lottery, okay? The thing I have to realize, sometimes I'm in a bad mood and she's not. And why would I want to drag her down and make her feel bad when I'm in a bad mood? So after taking two or three deep breaths, I say to myself, wait a minute, she's in a good mood. Why can't I be in a good mood? Why can't I change My tune. Why can't I decide? You know what? Life is good. It's okay. Whatever's going on right now is not going to last forever. This too shall pass in time. Why don't I choose to be up? Why don't I make the decision to be positive? Why don't I look for things that are good and pure and wholesome and right and positive in my own life? I don't have to be down and a whiner and a thumb sucker, all because somebody else is. So take a two or three deep breaths and second, remember, what another person is going through does not determine your mood. Next thing I would do, if someone's in a bad mood and they're close to you. I mean, maybe a mom, a dad, a husband or wife or son or daughter. Daughter. Encourage them. Say something like this. Just want you to know I care about you. Don't know everything you're going through. Just want to let you know I love you, I care about you, and things will get better. In other words, take the high road. In other words, be one who lifts others up. If someone's going through a bad boot or. Or they're all down and depressed, you don't have to look at them and say, wow, being around you is terrible. All you do is complain and moan and groan. And when I'm around you, it just makes my life miserable too. You don't have to do that now. This is hard stuff. I'm telling you out of years and years and years of personal experience. I was a school principal for eight years. We had about 550 kids in the school and 65 teachers and staff. Somebody was in a bad mood every day. What if I determine my mood by someone else's mood in middle school or high school or in the lunchroom or on the faculty? That wasn't my place. I walked in with. I am the most positive, upbeat, encouraging, optimistic person on this whole campus. You see, someone has to be a difference maker, and I just choose to be that person. If someone is in a bad mood, remember what I just said. Look at them and say, gee, I hope things get better. Just want you to know I care for you and I'm so glad you're my friend or you seem to be going through a hard time right now. I'm so sorry. Don't know if there's anything I could do to make things better, but don't get their stuff on you. In other words, if they're in a bad mood and they're down and negative and upset, don't let that get on you. And I'm telling you, it is hard to do, especially in your own household or in your place of employment. You go to work and there are two or three people that are talking about the boss and running down how terrible everything is in the company and we didn't get a raise and there's not enough money and I don't know what's going on and nobody told me, and I didn't get that memo. Oh, my gosh. Do you really, really, really want to live your life that way? I see it happen all the time. Take a deep breath. Realize that's number one. Number two, realize you can't control another person. I mean, you can't control Almighty God will not even make you have a good mood. You can't control another person, but you can control your own mood. Third thing, remember, look for the good, the pure, and the positive. Say to yourself and to others, gee, I'm sorry it seems to be going through a hard time right now. I don't know what it's all about, but I just want to let you know I care about you and I'm glad you're my friend. You don't have to fix them, but more than likely they're going to start dumping their garbage. Now, think about this for a second. I don't want to be overly silly, but if I pull my car up to your yard today and I started pulling out all kind of trash and dumping it in your front yard, I'm throwing away old junk, trash from last week. Everything that I can find in my house that we put in the trash can, I'm throwing it in your yard. Would you go? That's fine. That's fine. Thank you so much. I just love all your garbage and trash in my front yard. I don't think you do that. I think you would walk out and go, excuse me, what are you doing? I'm throwing my trash in your yard. Well, I don't think so. You would. I believe, in a nice, polite way, tell me I can keep my garbage and take it to the dump. But you don't want it your yard. Think about opening up your head and I'm going to fill your head full of junk. I'm going to fill your head up with things that are mean and nasty and hateful. Talk about other people. Talk about how terrible everything is in life. Talk about my boss. Talk about my brother, my sister. Imagine you in a very loving, kind, high D manner. Stop doing that. It's bad for your health. It's bad for relationships. And say to yourself three things. Well, number one, I'm going to take a deep breath. Number two, I can't control another person. Number three, say something that's encouraging. Now let me give you a couple of more. Number four, learn to keep your mouth shut. You said. Wait a minute. I thought you told me I should say something. If you can say something encouraging and positive, you should. But you have to kind of read a situation. Sometimes people are so upset, you trying to help them to feel better is only going to upset them more. So number four might be. Just don't say anything. Just be quiet. Let people have their moods. Just don't let them become contagious and let their moods become your moods. I know this is a big pill to swallow. Every day of our life, we're going to be around people who either make us happy or make us sad. I believe when people see you coming, they either say oh boy or oh, no. Listen, I want to be an old boy kind of person. I want, when you see me coming, you feel encouraged. You see, I'm looking for the good, the pure and the positive. I want you to know life has a lot of blessings. I can't even believe my life sometimes, but it's because in my mentor, he's in heaven now. My mentor taught me for 20 years while he mentored me. Don't let other people's moods control your life. Don't let other people, whether it's good, bad or ugly, your response should always be the same. Uplifting, encouraging, helpful, nice, quiet, productive boy. I'm telling you, if you could do this for a week, it takes practice. Don't think. Okay, I got it. Dr. Ohm, thanks so much. I promise you, I promise you, before this day's over, you're going to be tested. And you're going to be tested in this very thing. You're going to be around somebody who starts grumbling and murmuring and.

Man, Saint bread, ravening. Amen. And you got your choice. You can either let that get all over you, or you can just take two or three deep breaths, realize I can't fix them, I can't control another person and read it. If there's something I could say that would make it better, like, well, you know, we'll. We'll get through this together. I just want you to know I care about you. Or maybe just go silent sometimes. Another thing you could do is just pat somebody on the shoulder or give them a hug and just say, I know I can't fix this. But I want you to know I care. Boy, some great stuff. Well, I don't want to prolong this anymore. I've probably given you more than you'll be able to swallow. Just remember this. Someone else's mood, someone else's attitude, someone else's behavior or the way they feel about things. Don't let it get all over you. Learn to look for the good, the pure and the positive. Learn to be a balcony person, lift people up. Learn to let you determine your own moods. Keep them upbeat, keep them positive, keep them encouraging. And I promise you you'll be the winner for it. I'm Dr. Robert Rome. Hope you like this podcast. Practice it. If it doesn't kill you, it'll make you better. I'll talk to you on our next podcast. Thank you so much. Bye Bye.

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