The Secret Formula for Good Decision Making

If I do A, then B will occur.

If I do X, then Y will occur. If I do one, then two will occur. Are you aware that all of that is wrong thinking? Today we're going to find out what correct thinking is all about.

Welcome to becoming wiser with Dr. Robert A. Rome, author and world renowned public speaker as he shares stories and involving his experiences and lessons learned in a good, spirited, positive and fun way. Here's Dr. Robert A. Rome.

Hey, I'm Dr. Robert Rome and in this podcast I want to share with you one of the most challenging and difficult yet rewarding ways you could ever learn how to think. Now, this will be counterintuitive to almost everything you've ever been taught or almost everything you've ever heard in your whole life about how to think. Let me explain a little bit. Most of us are trained that we want to do something in order to get an outcome that we desire. We want to go to school so we can get a good education, so we can get a good job. We want to go to the airport because we're going on a flight and we need to get on a plane. We go to a restaurant because we're hungry and we want to get something to eat. Now, all of that has some basic truth to it. However, if we're not careful, we will let that kind of thinking wreck our life. Let me go into this a little bit deeper. You really have to pay attention to get this one because it took me probably about 50 years to learn what I'm sharing with you. I on this particular podcast, this one.

Is challenging because it's counterintuitive to the way we think. Most of us want to make good choices and wise decisions and there's nothing wrong with that at all. However, when you start thinking if I do a certain behavior or if I do a certain action, then I can control the outcome of what I do or what I say. You know, my friends, the truth of the matter is you cannot control anything. You can't control your brain synapse working.

You can't control your heart beating and.

You can't control the oxygen intake that you get in your lungs to make you stay alive. Now, you can make some good choices and you can make some good decisions, but you cannot always predict with 100% certainty the outcome of your decision and choices. Let's give some examples. Have you ever had the intention of saying something nice to someone and instead you upset them? Or worse yet, did you ever try to say something nice to someone and they ended up getting their feelings Hurt or crying. And you said, well, that wasn't my intention. I don't know what happened. You see, there is a secret formula in which you and I can live our life. And if we will learn this secret formula, it will make everything begin to fall into place. So I'm going to reveal the simple formula, the secret formula right now and then show you how it works in regards to decision making. The secret formula for life is this. When you don't know what to do, just do the next right thing. Now, you have to let it sit there for a minute because that sounds so simple that you might overlook it. Well, when you don't know what to do, just do the next right thing. Notice I didn't say do the next best thing. Notice I didn't say do the next most convenient thing. You do the next right thing. And when you do what's right, you can let the chips fall wherever they may because you cannot control outcomes. You cannot control other people, you cannot control the environment, you can't control circumstances, but you can control yourself. And when you control yourself and you just do the next right thing, everything begins to fall into place. Now, again, I said this is challenging. So you have to listen. Most of us have been taught, well, if I do A, then B will occur. So we're really not focused on A. We're focused on trying to do something in order that something else will occur. If I do X, then Y will occur. Again, If I do something, then something else will occur. And the something else is what I'm actually after. If I do one, then two will occur. And in all of these illustrations and examples, what we're really trying to do is to have a predicted outcome rather than focusing on doing the right thing. See, if you do the right thing, you don't have to worry about the outcome. You can't control it anyway. So why not focus on I'm going.

To do the next right thing. And if it turns out good, then I can live with myself because I know I did the next right thing. But if it turns out bad, I know I can live with myself because I did the next right thing. Now, I do not believe in going through life trying to deliberately upset anybody or having an attitude of it's my way or the highway or I'll just do whatever ever I want to and let the chips fall where they may. That's not what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is you make a decision based on what do I believe in my heart is the next right thing. To do regarding any particular situation. If you're talking to your mom or your dad or your brother or your sister and you do what's right, then you can leave the outcome completely as it unfolds without you having to control it. Let me give you a couple of examples. Let's say your mom calls you to dinner and you say to your mom, I'm finishing my homework. Could I be there in five minutes? And your mom says, sure, no problem. You did the next right thing by getting permission to showing respect and by cooperating with what's taking place at the moment in order to bring about the next right thing. If you say, I can't come right now, or I don't need you telling me what to do, or I'm not hungry, can you see how all of those simple responses are really not appropriate? But when you say, would it be possible or could I get permission or would it be okay if now you're operating on the basis of making or doing, making wise choices or doing the next right thing. Not too long ago, I was driving my car and I got a speeding ticket. And the reason I got a speeding ticket is I was not doing the next right thing. I was going about 15 miles over the speed limit in a construction area. I should have known better, but nevertheless, there was a truck bearing down on me from behind and I speeded up, or sped up, depending on which way you learned English to get out of the way. But as I went over the hill, there was an officer there and he pulled me over and gave me a ticket. He also told me, I'm only going to give you a warning on the aspect of speeding in a construction zone, but I'm going to give you a ticket for going too fast. I explained to him the reason I was doing that was trying to get out of the way. He understood, but nevertheless, I got the ticket. Now, since that time, I've had other cars behind me getting right up on my bumper. Had it happened just the other day, and here's what I thought, I thought to myself, I'm just going to do the next right thing. The next right thing is I'm going to go the speed limit and when I can move over out of his way safely, I'll do so. That way I don't have to worry. Well, if I speed up and get him off my bumper, I then he can pass me and go on his way. That would not have been the next right thing.

This is like taping jello to the wall.

This is tricky, but when you separate in your mind. Listen carefully. When you separate in your mind, I'm going to do the next right thing because I believe it's the next right thing to do. Then I don't have to worry about the outcome. If the outcome is good, that's great. If the outcome is bad, I can live with myself because I did what was right. If you are talking to another person and you show respect, you show teamwork, you show cooperation, then you're doing the next right thing. Someone may accuse you falsely of having an ulterior motive. But listen carefully. That's what this really is all about. You see, when I do A in order that B can occur, that's really having an ulterior motive. I'm not doing A because it's the right thing to do. I'm doing A because I want to control the outcome. B. If I do X, I'm doing it because I want to control Y. That's the motive and the purpose behind what I'm doing. If I do one in order that two could occur, then I really don't care if one's the right thing to do or not, because I'm trying to get two as an outcome. When I learned how to do this, it really began to, um. I. I don't know whether the right phrases shake up my world or give me a lot of peace in my heart. I think it really, more than anything, caused me to begin to see that life is nothing more than a series of good choices. When you make good choices, you can leave everything on the table. When you make good decisions based on this is what I believe is right. And if somebody gets upset about it, you don't have to worry as to whether or not was their outcome appropriate. All you have to know is did what I believe was the next right thing to do. And by doing the next right thing, I can live with the outcome. I just know that this sounds so simple. When sometimes I talk to people about this and I'm doing personal coaching for personal growth and development, I'll say, learn to do the next right thing. And people look at me with attitude. Well, of course. Isn't that what everybody does? No. Here's what everybody does. I'm going to try to figure out to do what I want to do in order to get the outcome that I want. How about this? If you're a teenager and you're a guy, which I have been a teenage guy, and I want to ask a girl out for a date, and I think to myself, okay, I'd like to take Out Mary or Susie or April or whoever it might be. And I'm going to be respectful. I'm going to ask them, would you like to go to a movie Friday night? I'd like to take you out to dinner into a movie if you would like to do that. And I show respect, I show kindness. And they say, yeah, I'd like to go with you. Then I did what I thought was the next right thing and I can live with myself. But, oh, and I've had it happen. And I'm sure you have to. Where their response is, no, no thanks.

I already have something else to do.

Already have other plans. Well, then you can act like a 2 year old and huff and puff and try to make them feel bad. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. If you do what you do based on I think this is the right thing to do and they say yes, that's great. If they say no, then your response can be just as respectful. Well, thank you. I just was trying to see if that would work out. But I certainly respect your decision, so thank you very much. Maybe another time. Listen, when you start doing that, it opens up all doors of opportunity for you because now you're operating on the basis of doing what's right, not doing what's. I'm trying to do this to get the desired outcome. When I make a decision in business, I make the wisest decision based on I believe this is the right decision. This is the next right thing to do. Sometimes those decisions have cost me money. Sometimes those decisions have made me money. But see, I'm not God and neither are you. And we can't control outcomes. All we can control is our own behavior. Only thing we can control is doing what's right. And when you do that and not worry about the outcome, all of a sudden you're going to experience a peace and a freedom that you have never done. You see, it is very tricky doing things because it's. What's right is the way to live your life. I mentioned the airport. I go to the airport a lot because I travel a lot. I say to myself, I can't control the parking, I can't control the traffic, I can't control security, I can't control anything. But I'm just going to do the next right thing and I'm going to get to the airport about three hours before my flight. And then I'll just let everything unfold like it's supposed to. There have been times that I've wanted to control parking. I've wanted to control TSA I've wanted to control security and all that does is frustrate me. But when I got to a place.

Of realizing, wait a minute, I'm looking at the second step. Don't miss it. I'm looking at the second step. See the second steps Outcomes. The second steps.

Outcomes. Okay, I'm trying to have the outcome I desire. That's the wrong way to look at it.

The right way to look at it is I can't control outcomes.

All I can control is my own behavior, my own words, my own attitude, and do the next right thing. So this podcast is one for really, really, really smart people. Start asking yourself, beginning today as you move forward, am I making this decision.

Because I think this is the next.

Right thing to do, or am I.

Making this decision because I want to.

Get a certain outcome? I promise you, you'll continue to be frustrated. You'll continue to be not only frustrated, but you'll continue to try to be a control freak. You'll continue to try to make things happen the way you want them to, and you'll never have any peace in your heart. The day I decided I'm going to do what's right, I'm going to do the next right thing, and I'm not.

Going to worry about any outcome. All of the outcomes have started to get better.

I trust that you'll think through this and you'll start practicing. The secret is just doing the next right thing.

Don't worry about B. You just do A. Don't worry about Y. Just do X.

And don't worry about two.

Just do one and everything will go.

Better because you are doing the next right thing. I'm Dr. Robert Rome. I hope this has been helpful. Start practicing this and you'll experience peace.

Like you never thought possible.

I look forward to another podcast real soon. Have a great day. God bless you.

Bye. Bye.

For more information about this podcast, please visit www.becoming wiser podcast.com.