This Is The Wisest Sentence I've Ever Heard

Welcome to becoming wiser with Dr. Robert A. Rohm, author and world renowned public speaker, as he shares stories involving his experiences and lessons learned in a good, spirited, positive and fun way. Here's Dr. Robert A. Rohm.

Have you ever noticed that everywhere you turn, people are talking about problems? They're talking about problems with relationships, they're talking about problems with their health, they're talking about problems with their finances or at work or a number of other areas someone shared with me years ago. It's not even a good idea to say the word problems. It takes a little bit of a twist when you say the word challenges. I'm having challenges in a particular area. Well, the truth of the matter is they still are problems or challenges that we're dealing with. Hi, I'm Dr. Robert Rohm, President of Personality Insights, and this podcast is designed to help you learn how to become a wiser person. I have been on that pursuit for most of my life, learning how to be a wise person, learning how to deal with situations with family, with friends, with finances, health and many other issues. Now, I know you've maybe never had a problem in your life, but just in case one comes up sooner or later, this program is designed to help you understand how to deal with life, how to deal with situations. Most of us know how to play games. We've played Candy Land with children. We've played Monopoly, Clue and many other games, games that I've played. And I know you enjoy playing too. Well, guess what? If you learn how to play a game really well, you have a better chance at winning. When I play Monopoly with my grandkids, I usually win every time. Not because I'm better than them, not because I'm smarter than them. I just have played more Monopoly than they have and I have more experience. Learning to how to have a wise life is involved primarily around becoming a wise person and knowing how to play the game of life well. That's what we want to teach, that's what we want to share. I have discovered that if you learn from wise people, you will become wise yourself. Learning on this journey of life, of how to become wiser can help you in relationships with your emotional well being, with your finances, with your marriage or your personal relationships. Parenting skills, learning how to resolve conflict, learning how at work to find the job or the opportunity that best suits you or best fits you. I once read that over 50% of Americans are very dissatisfied in their vocation. Learning how to be wise can help you a great deal in that particular situation and circumstance. Team building Leadership, success, principles. All of these are involved in learning how to become a wiser person. Now, today, I want to start by talking about what I think is the most important area of life, and it's understanding personality information. If you're going to be a successful person, you need to understand your personality style. You need to understand how personality styles work. You need to learn how to read other people effectively. Now, here's the amazing thing I have discovered and have been teaching for over 30 years. The DISC model of human behavior. Some of you perhaps have heard me teach that, or some of you might be familiar with it. I have seminars and trainings that last for hours and even days on the depth of understanding the model of human behavior. You know, it's a lot like an onion. If you peel an onion and you take off a layer, you'll find another layer and another layer. I have been doing this, as I said, for over 30 years, and I'm still learning. I'm on this journey with you, learning how to be wise, learning how to do life effectively, learning how to play the game of life. So let me share with you a couple of thoughts about this whole issue and whole information about personality information. It started for me, really, back in 1985. My oldest daughter, Rachel, was 12 years old. She was a real challenge. I had four daughters, and my other three seemed to be, you know, pretty easy to get along with. But Rachel was the oldest firstborn. Few challenges, few difficulties. Now, in case you don't know, this, parenting comes with absolutely no instructions, just like marriage. So I was trying to figure this thing out. And I loved Rachel. She's my firstborn daughter, the first little girl to ever call me Daddy. But, oh, my gosh, this was challenging. It was difficult. And I just felt like we were, you know, butting our heads up against each other many times over a lot of different issues. And I couldn't quite putting my finger on it. Have you ever known that sometimes you don't know what your problem is? Well, your biggest problem of all is not knowing what your problem is. And I didn't know what the problem or the challenge was with trying to raise Rachel correctly, trying to help her, trying to guide her. So again, it was 1985, she was 12 years old, and a friend of mine was passing through town, and after dinner one night, he said to me, we were sitting on the back porch of my house in Dallas, Texas. He said, what's the matter with you? I said, what do you mean? He said, you're just not yourself. He said, I know you pretty. Well, you're normally pretty talkative, pretty happy, pretty outgoing. He said, you didn't say very much tonight at dinner. Just seems like something's wrong. It's like there's a. Like there's a heaviness over you. What he was saying was, I recognize you have a problem. And I said to him, well, it's my daughter Rachel. And he said, what has she done? And again, I didn't know how to describe it. I didn't know how to put into words what I felt and what I thought was going on. And so I tried to explain it. I said, she's just difficult. And he looked at me, he said, have you ever given her a personality profile assessment? I said, a what? He said, a personality profile assessment. He said it so fast, I didn't even know what he said. Personality profile assessment. It's like he was waiting for me to say those words. And you know, there's an old Chinese proverb that says, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. And I was so ready. And the teacher was right there on my back porch. He said, have you ever given Rachel a personality profile assessment? I said, no, I don't even know what that is. So Rachel was next door, it was after dinner, and she was playing basketball with some friends. She came home that night and he gave her an assessment. He scored it. He looked at it, said, wow, she's a real high dude. I had never even heard that before. I didn't know exactly what that meant. I said, d, what do you mean? He said, you know, dogmatic, domineering, driving, demanding, determined, decisive, dictatorial, sometimes could be defiant, a doer. I said, yeah, that's exactly right. He started talking to me about my daughter. And here's the crazy thing. He knew her better than I did, and he had only spent a few minutes with her. I had spent 12 years with her. He got my attention. So he said to me, he said, you know, just curious. You have any problems with her at bedtime? I said, yeah, every night. It's a war. He said, I'm just curious. What do you tell her at bedtime? I said, oh, I don't know. I usually say, rachel, you know, you need to be in bed by 10 o'.

Clock.

I'll never forget. He looked at me, his eyes got real big. He said, that's what you say to her? I said, yeah, what's wrong with that? She's 12 years old. She needs to go to bed. He said, robert, when you say to a D. And I didn't even know anything about what this meant. I'm just leading you into my story. He said, when you say to a D, you need to be in bed by 10 o', clock, that may be what you say to her, but that's not what she hears. What she hears is, you want to fight. And I thought, what do you want to fight? How do you get. Do you want to fight? How do you need to go to bed? It's 10 o'. Clock. You need to get your rest. I mean, I wasn't trying to be controlling. I wasn't trying to be manipulative. I was just trying to be a good father. You need to go to bed, get some rest so you'll be ready for school tomorrow and you'll feel okay. And then he said one of the most important sentences I've ever heard in my whole life. Now, I've graduated from five colleges and universities, so I've been around the world several times, learned a lot of information. Maybe one day I'm going to write a book called the top 10 sentences I've ever Heard in My Life. This one certainly would be in the list, and here's what it is. You need to learn to say the same thing a different way. Did you catch that? You hear the wisdom of that? You need to learn to say the same thing in a different way. That's one of the wisest sentences I've ever heard. Just because you know something doesn't mean you're communicating it correctly. Just because you have information doesn't mean you're sharing it in a way that others can receive it. I didn't realize that my whole life was changing. There was one of those serendipitous moments where something was happening that was bigger than me. I was learning how to become wise in relationships. I was learning how to be a better father. I was learning how to be a better person. I was learning how to eventually start a business. I didn't know any of that. All I knew was I wanted to get along with my daughter better. So he began to share with me how to talk to her and say the same thing in a different way. He coached me on the back porch of my house in Dallas, Texas, for two hours on how to talk to my daughter, how to communicate correctly with a D, how to say the same thing in a different way. After two hours, I thought, okay, I believe I have it. Well, the next night, I was having dinner with Rachel. Our family was together, and I was a little nervous because I thought, I don't know if I'm doing this right, but you know what I'm doing isn't working. You've heard the sentence and you've heard that if you do the same thing over and over, expect to get different results. That's called insanity. Well, I thought, if I keep doing what I've always been doing, I'll keep getting what I've always been getting. So I'm going to have to learn how to do things differently. So this was my first attempt. So remember two hours of coaching. I thought, I'm going to try. So I looked at Rachel and I don't know why I remember this. She's having English pea mashed potatoes with English peas. In the south, we call that a bird's nest. But anyway, for whatever that's worth, she was eating some mashed potatoes with English peas along with other things at dinner. And I said to her, hey, Tiger. And that's her nickname, by the way. I said, hey, Tiger, you can go to bed tonight anytime you want to. You're the boss. You're in charge. I'm turning it over to you. Ten's the limit, but you can make this happen any way you want to. She never even looked up. She's just eating her mashed potatoes English piece. She said, okay. First thing that went through my positive mental attitude mind was, this doesn't work. But the strange thing is that night at 10 o', clock, she went in her room, shut the door, cut off her light and went to bed. I couldn't believe it. I went and stood by her door and listened. I was amazed. Two things happened that night that had not happened in a long, long time. One is, we went to bed peacefully. And two, listen carefully. It was the first time I had ever consciously and deliberately worked with Rachel according to her personality instead of according to my personality. In essence, I had learned wisdom. I had learned to say the same thing in a different way. Do these two sentences, do these two thoughts sound the same to you? You need to be in bed by 10 o' clock or you can go to bed whenever you want to. Ten's the limit. But I'm turning it over to you. You're the boss. You can make this happen any way you want to. I'm putting you in charge. You're in authority. You handle it however you see fit. You see, I didn't understand Ds. I didn't understand they like challenge choices, control. They like to have some say in their life. And when you try to boss them or control them, it creates hardship. And I can Understand, you know, trying to control a child when they're very little so they don't, you know, get run over and they don't go outside and get lost or something. I understand that. But as we grow up, all of us start to mature. We start to learn to stand on our own two feet. We start to learn how life works. And in a nutshell, we start to learn wisdom. That's what I want you to learn. That's what I want to share with you. How to be wise in different areas of life. We're starting with learning how to be wise in personality information. He began to teach me the disc model of human behavior. Some people are Ds. Dogmatic, domineering, driving, demanding. They're strong and powerful. Some are I's. Inspiring, fun, exciting, like to have a good time. Some are supportive. They like to help. They like to get along with everyone. They don't like conflict. They want people to make sure that they care about each other and they have a great heart. And then there's the C, the cautious type. Those who are a little more studious. Those who like to think and double check and are careful in the way they do things. I was. It was like I was learning a new language. It was like I was learning the language of how to connect with other people based on their personality instead of my own personality. Now, I'm sure that you've probably heard about different personality styles. There are a lot of different models out there. Some. Some like the colors. They. They call it true colors, and they have different colors, and that's okay. Some have animals they talk about the lion and the otter and. And the golden retriever and the beaver, and that's okay, too, except they're hard to mix. I've never heard of a beaver retriever or a golden riot or. You only get to be one thing in those models. You only get to be one color. You only get to be one animal. I know. There's the Myers Briggs type indicator, the MBTI. There's 16 different methodologies that you can mix and match there. I've studied it. But that's only designed by its construct to help you understand yourself. It's not designed to help you read people. That's not even the purpose of it. Then there's the mmpi, the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory. I took that twice in order to get into graduate school. It has over 600 questions. And as you're reading through them, some of them, they ask you the same question twice to see if you have emotional disturbances or to see if you'll be honest with yourself. Oh, my goodness. It was incredible experience. Somehow another I got into graduate school. I'm not sure how I did on the mmpi, but that's not something you want to sit down and do every day. Do you want to take a test with 600 questions in it? What I've discovered with the DISC model of human behavior is it's easy enough to understand and it's practical enough to apply. Isn't that great? I love things that are easy to understand. They're practical enough to apply. My friend taught me all of this in just a few minutes. Some people are more outgoing, others are more reserved. Some are more task oriented, some are more people oriented. We'll get into that as we have time together. But the important thing is that I began to learn how to say the same thing in a different way. I began to learn how to be a wiser person. Are you a wise person? Have you ever thought about the fact, do I know how to talk to other people? I mean, there are hundreds of courses that are taught in sales school about selling products. How many have you ever heard about how to understand people in order to connect with them better? There's so many different methodologies, and I don't know about you, but I can't remember everything. But I can remember a few things. I have been teaching and training people for over 30 years in this particular model. I've been sharing with people how to understand yourself and others better. I have been helping people find ways to connect with other people in their families, whether it's in their marriage, with their children, with their parents, with brothers and sisters, to understand them better. Just did a training this week. Helped a girl who had never understood her own parents and sadly, her father has passed away. But after the training, she said, I now finally understand my dad. She said, and my mom's still living. This is going to help so much. See, the truth of the matter is all of us go through life, and life comes with no instructions. Life comes with no methodology for you to become a wise person except learning from other people who are not better than you or not smarter than you, but they're down the road further than you. I don't think I'm better than anybody. I don't think I'm smarter than anybody. But I think I'm down the road maybe a little bit further than some of you. And I want to share with you how to become a wise person. Now, today we just talked about personality and even just a little bit of that. But it is a powerful, powerful truth in learning how to understand yourself and to read people. I'm not doing this. Listen carefully. This isn't about labeling people or analyzing people or categorizing people or putting people in the box or pigeonhole people. It's about understanding people. I don't want to be categorized or analyzed or pigeonholed. I know you don't either. But I don't mind being understood better by other people. And I know you don't either. You don't mind other people saying, you know, I'd like to understand you better. I'd like to get to know you better. That's what can happen. You can make everything in your life go better. You can lower your stress and increase your productivity by simply understanding a few basic concepts about personality styles and about learning how to say the right thing or learning how to say the same thing in a different way. I'm so glad. I'm so grateful. I do coaching. I do training. I've traveled all over the world. I've spoken to millions of people. I've written books on this topic. I'm so very grateful. Listen, are you ready? The reason I'm grateful is because Rachel and I have a great relationship to this very day. She's my oldest daughter. We have a. We're such good friends. And I hate to say this, this may sound a little unkind on my part. If I had not understood the personality information, I don't think we would have a good relationship. But I think I'd blame her because I'm the father. I'm the oldest. She's the child. She's the daughter. The truth of the matter is, if you're going to be a leader, the hardest thing about leadership is learning how to lead. And I'm so grateful that we have a good relationship. And it's because I learned personality information and how to work with her and work with others and train people. And this is something you can understand and apply and use in your own personal life. I hope just for a few minutes today this has been helpful. I hope that I've whet your appetite enough for you to go, wow. I'd like to know more about that. I'd like to understand how to do that. I'd like to understand how to say the same thing in a different way. I'd learn how to read people better. I learned how to become in a nutshell. You ready? I'd love to learn how to become a wiser person. I am on that mission. I just want to be a wise person. I want to be wise in finances. I want to be wise in my health. I want to be wise in relationships. I want to be wise in learning how to love people and to accept people. I want to be learned how to be wise in business. All of this is very doable, and I believe I can teach you those principles. Not because I'm better, not because I'm smarter, just because I'm down the road a little bit further. I hope this has been helpful. I look forward to our next time together. Thank you so much.

To learn more about the DISC model of human behavior and more about this episode, visit www.becomingwiserpodcast.com 001.