Unlocking Prosperity with the Power of Your Words

Are you aware of the number one thing that will get you in more trouble than any other thing in your life? There's one thing that you do, and we all do it, that gets you in hot water. There's one thing that all of us do that is not very smart. There's one thing that all of us have in common that keeps us from moving ahead in life and having good, healthy relationships, success in business, a wonderful personal life and a great family life. And you know what that one thing is? Your words. Today I'm going to be sharing with you the greatest truth I have ever learned about how to talk to other people, whether it's at home, at school, at work or play. To keep yourself out of trouble to become a successful person.

Welcome to becoming wiser with Dr. Robert A. Romeo, author and world renowned public speaker, as he shares stories involving his experiences and lessons learned in a good spirited, positive and fun way. Here's Dr. Robert A. Rome.

So the Book of Proverbs is a book written about wisdom. The wisest man that ever lived, Solomon, wrote most of the Proverbs. They're divided up into 31 chapters. I've read them many, many times. If you have never done this, let me encourage you to get started on the Proverbs project, which will be an encouragement to you for the rest of your life. For example, whatever day of the month it is, just look at that date on the calendar. If today's the 15th, then you'll look on the 15th. You'll see the calendar says today's the 15th and it comes up 12 times during a year. Every month there'll be a 15th. Then go to Proverbs chapter 15, and that will be the chapter you read for the day. If you do that, you'll read through the wisest literature that's ever been written 12 times in a year. I've done that for years and years and years. Decades. I would read a chapter. I pretty much memorized all 31 chapters in Proverbs. I've done series over all 31 chapters where I explain every verse in the Book of Proverbs because it meant so much to me. It perhaps is the greatest literature in all of ancient literature that's ever been written to teach someone how to be wise. So today I'm going to share with you In Proverbs chapter 15, just one.

Specific concept do I have your attention. One specific concept that has been a guiding light for me most of my life. It's found in Proverbs, chapter 15, verse 1, and it says in The Old English King James. A soft answer turns away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger. Now that's pretty good. I know exactly what that means because I've studied it. But we pretty much don't speak anymore in 1611 King James English. So I like the way this is translated.

In the living paraphrase in the Bible, and it says this. A soft answer will get you out of a hard situation. Now you're talking. That's wisdom at its best. A soft answer will get you out of a hard situation. The number one thing that you and I need to work at, learn from and develop is being careful what we say.

If you can control your tongue, you're the closest thing to a perfect person you will ever be.

I know you don't want to hear this. I don't want to hear this either. I just want to say what I want to say whenever I want to say it. That's not very wise. Learning to only say things that are helpful will change your whole life. Now listen carefully. I've been practicing this for years and years and years. I'm not quite there, but I'm a whole lot further down the road than I once was because I know how important it is. I hardly spend any time cleaning up messes from having to undo things that I said to someone because I see the pain and the hurt that it causes. I have a policy. I have four daughters. I never talk about any daughter to any other daughter. I just won't do it. I'm not going to do it. I have found it to be hurtful. When I talk to daughter number three about daughter number one or daughter number two about daughter number four, it does no good. As a matter of fact, it does a lot of bad. So. But I can't control what someone else says to me. You say, well, people come up to me and they start talking. Then learn to keep your mouth shut. If daughter number one, two, three, or four talks to me about daughter number one, two, three,. Or four, I can't stop that. What I can go is.

They'Ve pretty much stopped doing it. Not. Not that they're a bunch of gossips, but that occasionally they want to talk about their sister to their dad, that's okay. I'm not going to try to stop it, but I'm not going to encourage it and I have nothing to say about it. I may talk to another daughter alone about something, but I've just learned keep my mouth shut and do not talk about people behind their back unless it's something Good. Now there's an exception. I can talk about you all. I want to buy your back. As long as there's something good and encouraging and helpful in edifying. A soft answer will get you out of a hard situation. Now, let me give you a little few coaching points to show you exactly how to do this. First of all, it works wonders because you never have to clean up the mess you created with your own mouth. So one day.

Larry Bradley was in my office, and I was talking to Larry, and I was running down Bill Vestal, and I was telling Larry about something Bill had done. We were on staff together. I was very young, and I was just going on and on and on with Larry about how terrible Bill was and how he didn't do what he's supposed to and yada, yada, yada. You'll never guess who came to my office that afternoon to talk to me. In a million guesses, you'd never guess who walked in unexpectedly. That's right, Bill Vestal. Bill walked in and shut the door and he said, could I talk to you for a minute? And he said, yeah, I was talking to Larry. And he said, you said, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Boy, I felt like a dog. Now, My initial reaction was to be mad at Larry. I can see you laughing now. My initial response was, why would Larry go tell him I said all these things? That was the wrong question. The right question was, why did I run my mouth to Larry about Bill? If I have a problem with Bill, I should talk to Bill alone when he's fed and rested and in a good mood. And I can talk to him alone, quietly, and say, I really respect you and I really like you. There's a couple of things I need to talk to you about. You know, if I could, that would maybe, I think, help me. Don't point your finger at someone else. You'll have three pointing back in your own face. I remember how painful that was for Bill. I remember me having to eat crow. And by the way, if you ever have to eat crow, always best to eat it while it's still warm. And I said to Bill, bill, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said that, Larry, to Larry. I should have said that to you alone. It wasn't anything illegal or immoral. It was just something. I was running him down. I shouldn't have been doing that. I asked him to forgive me. You know how many times I ever talked to Larry about Bill again, the rest of my life, to this day, None. I learned not only to not talk to Larry, not talk to anybody about another person behind their back, because it cuts down on dissension and it cuts down on conflict, and it cuts down on bitterness and hatred and. And division and strife and a thousand and one other things. I'm not bragging, but I'm telling you I have very, very, very, very, very little conflict in my life because I don't talk about other people behind their back. So let me tell you a couple of things that might be helpful. Number one, if someone is running someone down, don't comment. Learn to keep your mouth shut. You might go, huh? Or. Or wow. Or. Or 101 other things that cannot be interpreted any other way other than wow. Like you're just listening. You want to let the person know I'm listening, but I'm not engaged in what you're talking. I'm not going to take the bait. I love. Calvin Coolidge was president, United States, many, many years ago, and he would not talk to reporters. Every time he had a meeting with reporters, they. They would report what he said and they would twist it and turn it and misinterpret it and change it up. One day, Calvin Coolidge was meeting with them, and they asked him questions and he wouldn't say anything. Finally, one of the reporters said, president Coolidge, why won't you talk to us? And he looked at them and said, because silence cannot be misquoted.

You see, that's what I'm saying. Learn to keep your mouth shut. You don't have to say something about anything. That's your first methodology. Just don't say anything. You. I don't mean be disrespectful. People are talking to you. You can always go, huh? Don't respond. Don't take the bait. Second thing, if someone is saying something to you and you don't agree, or you do agree, or you don't know whether you agree or not, you can always look at them and say four words. These four words will save your neck many, many times. Here are the four words. You may be right.

That's it. You may be right. I didn't say I agree with you. I didn't say you were right. I didn't say we were going to do something about this. If you looked at me and said, Dr. Rome, you are a giraffe.

Here would be my response. You may be right. You see, I'm not going to get into the entanglement of whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. If think about this Dr. Rome, you are giraffe. I am not a giraffe. I don't know why you would say that. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard and I don't know why you'd accuse me of that. I don't know if you think I'm orange or I have big black circles around me, but I don't appreciate you telling me I'm a giraffe. How much good does that do? Learn to just say.

You may be right. That will take the sting out of something that's taking place. Well, I don't agree with what John said, and I don't think that what Mary is doing is correct. And what do you think about it? Well, you may be right.

I didn't accuse anybody of anything. I just said the words that would help me get past this unnecessary conversation until I can find out more information.

Here's another one that's very, very helpful. Along those same lines, why don't we look into this further?

There's something as simple as, why don't we look into this further? I have a friend who's a pastor. Someone in the church said we need to cut off the support to one of our missionaries because he bought a Cadillac. The pastor was shocked. He thought, why would the missionary buy a Cadillac? They were ready to withdraw his mission support for the work he was doing on the mission field. The pastor said, before we do this, that just doesn't sound like him very much. Let me get in touch with him. Long story short, the pastor got in touch with him. Thank you. Found out he had had a cataract removed from one of his eyes.

Do you see any difference in having a cataract removed from one of your eyes and taking the mission money and buying a Cadillac? You see, the pastor was wise enough to say, let me look into this a little further.

A soft answer will get you out of a hard situation. Don't. I think some people's only exercise program is jumping to conclusions. Today I'm going to work out, I'm going to jump to conclusions and I'm going to decide something immediately based on what I've heard. That's not very wise. Now, let me give you a couple more of these that are very, very, very helpful. If someone is saying something to you and they're trying to talk you into doing something you don't want to do, here's a great response. Thank you so much. I really appreciate your thoughtfulness. I already have another commitment that's just a simple way to get you out of a hard situation, somebody's pressuring you to go do something with them, you could be nice. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. I already have another commitment. You might say, isn't that a lie, telling somebody you already have another commitment? No. Your other commitments did not let everybody talk you into doing things you don't want to do. So just have that on the edge of your tongue. Have that in your repertoire. Have that in your. On your back burner. I've had people try to talk me into doing things I don't want to do. I don't want to say, I'm not doing that. And I don't appreciate you asking me to do that. See, that's not a soft answer. That's a harsh answer. Harsh answer stirs up anger.

Soft answer turns away wrath. Grievous words stir up anger. I don't want to stir up anger. I want to take the sting out of it. So thank you so much. I really appreciate that. I already have another commitment. One more, then we'll be through with this.

This one may be the absolute icing on the cake. Learn to have gentle tones. Tones. My wife and I were in Cancun, Mexico. We saw an older couple. They look like they were in their late 80s or 90s. And they were out on the dance floor just dancing around, swirling around. I'm thinking, boy, I hope I can do that when I'm as old as they are. I mean, they were just kind of wrinkled up and not much left to them, and they were having the time of their life. So after they danced a few dances and sat down, my wife and I strolled over and we said. We just were guessing. We said, are y' all on your honeymoon? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. We've been. We're celebrating 70 years of being married. And I could. We couldn't believe it. It was like once in a lifetime. Here's some wisdom right here in front of us. So my wife said to them, what's the secret to having a marriage? Y' all look like y' all are still in love. They said, we are. My wife April, said, what is the secret to having a marriage like yours? And he leaned forward and said, tones. Voice tones. It was such a simple answer. I missed it. I sat there and I thought, sound like. He said, voice tones. I said, I looked at her, she looked at me. I said, did he say voice tones? She said, yeah. He said, you see, voice tones are the way you communicate with another person about how you really, really, really feel about them.

Let your voice tones be kind. You can even say difficult things with kind voice tones. You know, I love you and I appreciate you. There's a couple of things we need to talk about that are bothering me and I hope we can do that. Does that sound like any different, Any difference then? There's some things talking that are bothering me about you, and I want to talk to you about them right now. See the difference? Learn to say the same thing in a different way. Well, those are simple words, aren't they? Learn to say the same thing in a different way. I love you or I love you. See, those are the same things. It's just said in a different way. We could talk about this forever. It's one of my favorite talking points because it is without a doubt the number one way to reduce conflict. I want to say it again. I say it humbly. I say it gratefully. I have very, very, very, very, very little stress and conflict in my life because I don't have to spend time cleaning up messes that I created by running my mouth about things I had no business running my mouth about. There's a verse in James that says, if any man can control his tongue, that man is perfect. Now, I take that to mean mature, not perfect. Perfect because we're all on a journey and we can be perfect in what we do today and mess it up tomorrow. I just want to do the very best I can. And I've learned it all starts with my mouth and my words. And I have full control over what I say. This is your assignment. For the rest of your life, be careful what you say. Only say things that are good and helpful. And if you have to say something that's hard or strong, do it alone. Don't do it in a spirit of meekness. Do it in a spirit of kindness and communicate to another person. I'm just trying to have a good life. I want to talk to you about something that maybe can make my life better. Want to share it with you in confidence, privately, in a spirit of humility, so I can learn and grow to become the person I need to be. It is true. I don't want to be foolish. It is true. Sometimes you get to a place with another person, you just can't go on. I have had to say to people, we need to part in friendship, but we need to part. I don't save that for first. That's last. But if you're around people who are destroying your life, I would encourage you get away from them. And then if you're the kind of person, unfortunately, who destroys others with your words. Stop it. And learn to say things that are good and wholesome and helpful because you will be the one to profit from it and you will live a long and successful life. Hope this has been helpful. That's the hardest assignment you will ever be given. I know you can do it. I'm on the journey with you. I look forward to seeing you on our next time together. Thank you so much.

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