Ryan Shank roasts his brother Brett's model rockets, football days, and ballroom dancing obsession, then praises his new wife Rebecca for tolerating all of it. He toasts to a couple who clearly married up and found their perfect match.
Chapters
Positive that we, yes we, you know, would never be able to find someone to put up with that necklace and all of your different phases that you go through. So, um, you guys know Brett, which I hope at least a couple of you do. Um, you know that he's gone through a couple different phases throughout his life, so I want to take you guys through the different phases and also what he's taught me during those phases. Okay, so the first phase, um, Brett was really into model rockets, actually with Jeff Nick over there as well. So if you guys don't know, these things come in like 1,000 different pieces and they would build them. And as someone with no attention span, I was really impressed by the fact that they were able to, you know, focus long enough to build these rockets. Okay? And then what they would do after they spent weeks building these rockets, they would take them to a field in Salisbury, Maryland, and then they would shoot them off. And me, as, you know, the younger brother, I would always tag along and then I'd be like, "Sweet, we're gonna launch 'em!" And he was like, "No, get outta here!" And he would like never let me launch the rockets, okay? But that's actually one of the first lessons that Rhett taught me is that you can't, you gotta work hard if you wanna reap the rewards of something. And to be honest, that lesson stuck with me throughout my entire life, okay? And the second lesson was if you ever wanna find a girlfriend or someone to marry you, don't spend your Saturdays launching model rockets. Um, so after his model rocket phase, Brett decided, um, he's gonna become a jock, okay? So with zero experience going into high school, he decides he's gonna join the high school football team. Um, this was like his next big phase, okay? So he started lifting weights, being friends with all the athletes. I think he was even taking supplements. Um, and he even started to walk differently, okay? He would like bow his arms out and kind of like puff out his chest a little bit, I guess to like make him look bigger. And I remember one time we were walking down the hallway in our house. It was like a Tuesday night, you know, I'm like 13 years old. I didn't hit Groesburg really until like last year. But anyway, we're walking down the hallway, Mike's like puffing out his chest, and I'm just trying to go like brush my teeth before bed, you know, and he like lowers his shoulders like, "You want to go?" I'm like, "Uh-uh." That's when I missed the model rocket phase. So throughout high school, he was like into, you know, his jock phase, he was into football, and naturally when he went away to college, he made the transition into ballroom dancing. It's true, it's true. And when I say he got into ballroom dancing, I don't mean like he took an occasional class or like he bought a Groupon. I mean, he went all in on ballroom dancing. He changed his Facebook profile picture to like him doing a spin. Yes. He changed in his Letterman jacket from his football to like a ballroom dancing jacket with like his name embroidered on it. And, uh, and even would like travel for competitions, okay? So I remember going and watching one of his competitions at the University of Maryland. Um, I was really confused at what I was watching, but I did notice something interesting, uh, when I was in this relatively empty gym watching a ballroom dancing competition in College Park, Maryland. Okay, I noticed how committed Brett was to this, and that's another really important lesson that he actually taught me. Is that if you're going to commit to something, you have to fully commit 100%, and I appreciate him doing that. Um, but as inspired as I was to his commitment to ballroom dancing, I for sure thought we were even further away from him ever finding a girl. And, uh, and one of the most important lessons Brett's taught me has probably been over the last few years, right? And that's to marry up. Marry up! Marry a girl who is way too good for you and lock her down before she realizes. Ryan knew exactly what he was doing when he blindly sent her that plane ticket. She said she missed you. I mean, it's a simple sales tactic. Assume the close, right? And honestly, I mean, obviously Rebecca's the best, right? Not only is she beautiful, she's smart, kind, funny, and she's kind of a smartass. But most importantly, I mean, she's willing to roll with the punches. I remember when Brett and Rebecca first moved in together, which by the way had to have been one of the smallest inhabitable places in all of California. And as if that's not bad enough, Brett has like so much stuff, you know, a guy with a lot of hobbies and phases, like he just refuses to part with his stuff. And he has a huge chocolate lab with a ton of energy. Okay, and by the way, they had walls paper thin so they could hear their landlord and their neighbor through the walls. And if you guys know California people, they have some interesting conversations. So I visited them during Christmas of 2012, and somehow they also managed to fit a large Christmas tree into this thing they called an apartment. Okay, and I remember Brett's dog, every time it would walk by, it would like knock ornaments off the trees. And amongst all this, I notice Rebecca is just there, didn't— not batting an eye, right? And I remember thinking in that moment, damn, I think Brett actually found his soulmate. The one that can sit back and smile and put up with every phase of your life, whether it's model rockets, you know, uh, what, flipper necklaces, football, modern dancing. What is it now, like horses, dirt bikes? And she handles it all with a smile on her face. And a smartass comment that you'd never expect her to say. Or if you know her, then maybe you would expect her to say it. So honestly, I couldn't be happier for Brett and Rebecca. And I'm also happy for me too, because now I have the coolest sister that I've ever had. Aww. Brett and I didn't always have the classic family dynamic growing up, and we always wanted one. Sorry, dude. And, uh, yeah, we always wanted a close-knit family, and Brett was the backbone that really held our family together when we went through difficult times. And I'll never be able to express how much I appreciate that. And I see Brett building this amazing family and life for himself, and I honestly couldn't be more fortunate to be a part of it. So let's all raise our glasses and toast to Brett and Rebecca.
