10 Things To Never Do With a Man - Every Woman Needs To Know This
In this YouTube video, dating and relationship coach Sami Wunder outlines ten behaviors that women should avoid in their interactions with men, whether they are single, dating, or married. She frames the advice as universal mistakes even highly educated, successful women make, and emphasizes the importance of maintaining a healthy masculine‑feminine dynamic. The ten prohibitions are: (1) overgiving – investing disproportionate time, money, or effort; (2) financially supporting a man – avoiding loans or shared expenses that create a parent‑child dynamic; (3) comparing him to other men – which triggers insecurity; (4) exerting or accepting control – unhealthy power struggles; (5) tolerating jerky or disrespectful behavior – allowing disrespect erodes respect; (6) attacking his core sense of worth – avoiding belittling remarks even when upset; (7) pitting him against his mother – preventing a loyalty split; (8) initiating the “relationship talk” – letting the man set the pace for commitment discussions; (9) adding him to deeds, insurance, or other assets before a formal commitment (ring/marriage); and (10) begging, pursuing, or chasing commitment – avoiding ultimatums and desperation. Throughout, she intersperses self‑check questions, real‑world examples (e.g., Tinder Swindler), and references to her premium coaching program, Elevate, encouraging viewers to comment for a part‑2. The tone is conversational, instructional, and persuasive, aiming to empower women to protect their emotional well‑being and foster balanced relationships.
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In this video, we're talking about the 10 things you must never do to a man or with a man. Now, I don't care how smart you are, how well-educated you are, how successful in your career you are. If you are a woman, you need to watch this video. In fact, I believe every woman, whether she's single, married, or in a relationship, needs to watch this video, because the mistakes I'm going to be talking about in this video are mistakes I've seen even the smartest women make. And trust me, I attract really smart women to work with. So let's dive straight in. This is dating and relationship coach Sami Wunder, and I'm glad you're here. So the first thing you never want to do with a man is overgive to him. Now, what is overgiving? Overgiving is when, as a woman, you are investing more time, more money, more attention, more effort into the relationship than he is doing for you. And because I work with so many smart, successful women, This often tends to be an issue with high-achieving women. You know, you can do a lot, you can give a lot, and so you end up attracting men who are takers. And in those relationship dynamics, you end up being the over-giver, and that is why you get your heart broken, you find him cheating, you find him being disloyal to you. So if you are a Sami Wunder Diva and you understand the power of keeping your man involved in the relationship, keeping him addicted to you, obsessed with you, keeping him and his focus on you within the relationship, or even in a dating dynamic, then you absolutely must not be in an overgiving position. Now, what is a good question to ask yourself to check if you are in the overgiving position? This is a question I ask my Elevate clients. By the way, Elevate is where you can work directly with me and my team if you want support with your love life. The question is, if this guy that you like right now, or that you're with right now, were to leave tomorrow, Would you say something like, oh my goodness, I can't believe he left me after everything I did for him? If you share this sentiment right now, if you feel this way right now, this is a good reality check that you are in the overgiving zone. And this is a zone I do not want my Divas, my clients, or my community to be, because it is the zone where gradually, when you're in the overgiving zone, the man gets lazier and lazier. You get more and more in your masculine. He gets more and more in his feminine. And It is the death and disaster of desire, passion, romance, and love. So do not overgive to men. Now, the second thing I do not want you to do with men is to never financially help a man. And of course, I'm careful around saying never, because there could be an odd or exceptional situation where you do decide to help somebody who is your long-term partner in a marriage, in a long-term relationship where there's a lot of trust between the two of you. But let's just say, I am recommending never to help a man financially from a principle perspective. Let's put aside the exceptional situations. But from a principle perspective, you don't want to be helping a man financially. A man should be able to look after himself financially in order to be in your life. Because if you start to help men financially, you enter the parent-child dynamic. I'm a mother myself, and if my children need me or need financial support, of course I'll be there for them. But that is the parent-child dynamic. It is not a masculine-feminine romantic dynamic, and you never want to feel like your man's mom or any man's mother. So avoid getting into any kind of financial obligations with your partner or with the men you are dating. And you might think you're too smart to enter something like this, but trust me, I work with brilliant women as my clients inside ELEVATE, and every now and then, we'll hear a story about, I am paying the rent, I'm the one buying everything, he is looking for a job right now. If you have a temporary situation, the advice would be very different. But a lot of women get into these dynamics, and then they stay entrenched in those dynamics, and they don't know how to get out of it. So my healthy advice, as your big diva sister, would be to just keep money aside. Do not mix men and money, and definitely don't loan money to men. Definitely don't loan money to men you barely know. We've seen that Tinder Swindler, whatever it was called, the man who made a fool out of So many kind women who ended up lending their money to him and, you know, giving him money. So do not mix men and money. This is my advice to you, and learn from it and take it. And hopefully, you don't have to get burned and touch the fire before you realize it's hot. Now, the 3rd thing I don't want you to do with a man is to not compare him with other men. And I know when you feel angry, when you feel activated, when you feel charged, that is so tempting. It is so tempting to tell a man, my ex used to be able to do this, but you don't do that. Or, that man— have you seen the neighbor husband, he's always doing X and Y, but you're never doing it. I know it's tempting, but do not do it. It's really insulting, especially if you have a healthy masculine man that you're dealing with, to have your partner or your wife tell you that that man is better than you. And it actually can instigate insecurity within men, and it can have greater repercussions in your relationship. So that moment of anger, or that moment of frustration that you're having, Try to avoid comparing a man to another man. There is no man I know that likes it. Number 4, what you do not want to do with a man is, you don't want to control a man, and you do not want to accept control from a man as well. You see, control is unhealthy energy. People who understand healthy relationships understand that they have no right to control somebody else, And they should also not be accepting control from a man. So it goes both ways. And I've had clients where they tend to want to control because they're very strong, very masculine in their energy, and they want it their way. You know, my love language is physical acts of touch. So if you don't touch me while we're out, you don't love me. And the poor guy's like, I'm trying, but that's not my love language. You know, my love language is acts of service. So sometimes I will still forget that. Your love language is physical touch, so can you be kind about it? But she can't be kind about it because she needs to have it her way. So this is causing, for one of my ELEVATE clients, a lot of disturbance and tension in her relationship right now. So this is an example of controlling, wanting things our way. And most healthy, empowered men do not respond well to control. But I do want to emphasize that neither should a man be controlling you. So a man trying to tell you when it is the right time for you to get back home, what you should wear, and why are your shoulders open, and why is something not covering your shoulders? Oh my God, Divas, please do not accept this. Also because it has no limits, right? Sometimes we think, oh, if I just accept what he's annoyed about with my shoulderless dress, if I cover that, then he's not going to be angry. But he is going to be angry about something else, because it's about the principle. He likes to control, and it's never going to finish with that one thing that you have accepted. So I Insight Elevate work with my clients on broad, healthy principles. What is it that creates a healthy relationship between a healthy man and a healthy woman? And control as a principle is something we want to avoid. We want to avoid receiving it and we want to avoid doing it. So I hope you're enjoying the video. 5 more to go. Let's keep going. Actually, 6 more to go. So the 5th thing you never want to do with a man is accept jerky behavior. And by jerky behavior, I mean that when men treat you poorly or your husband treats you poorly or your boyfriend treats you poorly. Let's say he went out all night without communicating with you, or he openly flirted with your best friend in front of your eyes, or he totally messed up your finances and forgot to inform you about this big bill, and now your bank account is all messed up due to his fault. A jerky behavior is just a behavior which is a very obvious, disrespectful way of being or doing. And it's so important that you never accept jerky behavior from a man, because when a man is doing jerky behavior, he knows it. We talk about this in ELEVATE a lot. Men know when they're being jerks. And it's so important that if you want to be the queen in his life, you want to be respected, you want to be adored, then when he behaves badly, you don't let him get away with it. Because if you let him get away with it, he's actually going to lose respect for you. He's going to think, oh, So, you know, I can do this to her and she's still going to keep loving me. She's still going to stick around. She's still going to be nice to me. That is not the quality of a Wunder Diva. Now, number 6, what we never want to do with a man is attack his core sense of worth. Now, we all have a core sense of worth, regardless of our style, regardless of our teeth. Oh my God, I get so many nasty comments about my teeth and I'm like, oh my God, can I just be with my teeth the way they are? Like, I'm okay with it. Anyway, yeah, I digressed. So, So never attack somebody's core sense of worth, no matter what clothes somebody wears, no matter what their style is like, no matter what their nose is like or their teeth are like. We are all deeply worthy. We are worthy of love. We are worthy of belonging. And what can happen sometimes is, when you are in a situation where a man has upset you, disappointed you, or been mean to you, there can be a temptation to attack his core sense of worth. Like, you're not good enough, right? Like, look at you. You don't even make enough money. You don't even drive a fancy car. Like, just look at you. So that's like hitting below the belt, right? It's like telling somebody, because you have Fault 1, Fault 2, Fault 3, you're not good enough for love and belonging. You're not worthy. And I think that wound can really run deep inside men. I know that we are all taught that, you know, men are strong, men are not fragile, but I believe the contrary. I believe that healthy men are actually really sensitive, and they're especially sensitive to attack on their deep self-respect. Every man wants to feel like he's worthy, he's valuable, he can contribute something, he can provide something. And so I never want you to attack a man's core sense of worth, no matter how much he has upset you. So don't hit below the belt. Don't get nasty in your words or in your arguments, even when you're upset. Now, number 7 is, and this is controversial, is never pit him against his mother. This is a huge topic inside ELEVATE, by the way. A lot of my clients have issues with their mother-in-laws. Especially in the Relationships group. And it's like, oh my God, you know, she's so controlling, she's so interfering, she constantly comes over, she wants to tell us how to raise the kids. So here's my advice. I get it. I get it that it's not easy, and I'm not trying to, like, put a pink brush over the mother-in-law situation. But there are other ways to deal with this situation, especially in the Sami Wunder World. So in our ELEVATE group coaching program, we'll tell our clients, can you draw your healthy boundaries? Can you ask your man to sort of go do his own time with his mom instead of bringing you along? There are so many other ways to manage the mom-in-law situation, but you will never win if you pit him against his mother. And I know it's so tempting, right, to criticize his mother to him and tell him how horrible she is. It's never going to work, and it's just going to make him more anxious. It's going to make him hate you. It's going to make him feel like, oh my God, these 2 women, they're going to drive me crazy. Oh my God, now I have to choose between my wife and my girlfriend or my mother. It never ends well. So stop creating that dynamic in your relationship, even if it is very tempting. And trust me, I get it. It's tempting. Number 8 that you never want to do with a man is do the relationship talk. Now, this shouldn't come as a surprise if you have been following my videos, if you've been working with me in ELEVATE or you're considering working with me in ELEVATE. In a lot of my smaller digital programs, which are available on samiwunder.com, I talk about the importance of not leading the relationship talk, like not leading with, where do you think this is going? What do you think we are? What are your feelings about me? What do you think about me? How do you feel about me? Do you miss me? Do you like me? None of that stuff. You don't want to do that because it literally signals to him that you really care, and it signals to him that you want his validation. You want him to say, yes, I miss you. You want him to say, yes, you're beautiful. So we do not want to do the relationship talk because that is a man's prerogative. Like, the man should be feeling the tension between you and him, and the man should be wondering, does she like me? Does she not like me? Does she want to take this ahead with me? What are we? Where do we stand? So never do the relationship talk with a man and never bring it up yourself. Of course, this is aimed at our single Divas who are dating, because if you're in a relationship, you've probably had the relationship talk. Okay. Number 9 and 10 are here. Number 9, do not put him on your home deeds and your insurances and all your important paperwork and all your assets before you've got the ring. Oh my goodness! So I've got clients that I am working with inside ELEVATE, and they're very smart women, Ivy League educated, and they're so in love, they were about to put their guy's name on their insurance papers. on their house deeds. And I was like, hey, but the ring is not there yet. And they're like, yeah, but the ring is there. It's coming, right? We know he's bought it. And I'm like, no, but there is a huge difference. And I would say, even wait to get married. Do not risk putting your entire assets and all the hard work you've done to create what you've created in your life and share it with a guy who's not even given you the commitment you deserve. And the ring is, I would say, a minimum standard. But I would go as far as saying, let him marry you before you give him those privileges. Eye-opening, right? Happens all the time, even to the smartest women. In fact, it happens to the women that think they're above these things. That's where I see it happen most often, because then they are not actively educating and intentionally learning. Now, number 10, the thing I never want you to do with a man is to never beg, pursue, or chase for his commitment. This is so huge. And I see women doing it all the time. Women will either give ultimatums for commitment, get angry, stamp their foot, start to have a bad mood in the relationship all the time because he's not giving the ring or he's not committing, or they will leave. And basically, they don't know how to navigate anything in the middle. They don't know how to be in the relationship and get the ring, which is what we help with, by the way, inside ELEVATE, if you are in that kind of a situation. So those were the 10 things that I never want you to do with a man. If you enjoyed this video, then let me know in the comments, because we can do a part 2 of this video. I think I have so much more wisdom to share. I've been doing this for the last 10 years, so trust me, I have huge lists of the mistakes women make in their relationships with men, in dating with men. And all I want from you is that if 100 of you comment below, part 2 of the video, then I will be very happy to create part 2 of this video, because I think it's It's really valuable. And help me share this information, Divas. Like the video, leave me a comment, subscribe to my channel. Trust me, we can reduce so much pain, heartbreak, and sadness in this world, and we can help so many more women if you help me with your support to help this video reach out to hundreds and thousands of women out there. And as always, thank you for joining me. I am so lucky and so blessed to have you in my life. Thank you, Sami.
