In this Ask Sami video, host Sami Wunder answers a viewer’s question about feeling bored and pressured on first dates. She acknowledges the common struggle of repetitive small‑talk questions and the anxiety of presenting an authentic self. Sami offers two concrete strategies to make dating more enjoyable and less stressful. First, she recommends “non‑pressure dates” – choosing light, activity‑based outings such as museums, exhibitions, or walks instead of formal dinner settings. The activity provides a shared focus, reduces interview‑like tension, and ensures the date remains pleasant even if the match isn’t right. Second, she advises women to ask deeper, reflective questions (e.g., “What’s your biggest fear?” or “What excites you about your work?”) rather than standard surface‑level queries. These questions encourage men to think, foster intimacy, and differentiate the woman from others who rely on generic small talk. Sami ties both tips together, emphasizing that a relaxed environment combined with meaningful conversation restores fun to dating and helps women stand out.
Chapters
Welcome to Ask Sami, where you get to ask your most pressing dating and relationship questions and get your answers directly from me. Today's question comes from Kathy from California. Let's see what Kathy's struggle is. Hi Sami, I love your programs and love everything I have learned from you about Feminine Energy. My challenge is slightly different, and I'm wondering if you can help me with it. I find it very hard to relax on a date and be my authentic self. I also find it really boring to go through the same round of questions on the first dates. Who are you? What do you do? Etc., etc. In fact, this is getting so boring that I'm dreading dating altogether and I just wanna shut down. Can you please help make dating more fun for me? What a brilliant question, Kathy, and I am so confident that many women out there can relate with you. Even though finding our soulmate and attracting our soulmate should be an easy process, the truth is that sometimes we do have to kiss many frogs before we find our prince. So I can totally get it that you wanna make dating more fun for yourself without getting down by the drudgery and the boredom of being asked the same small talk questions again and again. So here are my top 2 tips for you, Kathy, and for every woman watching on how you can make your dates more fun. Tip number 1, make your dates non-pressure dates. So what do I mean by non-pressure dates? These are dates where you actually don't meet men for a dinner in a 5-star with red wine and a 3-course meal, But actually go for a fun, light activity like visiting the museum together or maybe going to the exhibition together. Now the reason why I recommend going on such activities for your dates is because it takes away the pressure that you would normally feel on a date where you are sitting across a man and there is this interview-like feeling where both of you are the main focus for each other And if there's silence, it feels awkward, and both of you feel the pressure to constantly say something or ask something. Bottom line, a very interview-like dating scenario. So when you start going on non-pressure dates, it's gonna make dating a whole lot more fun and more easy and more relaxed. And this is because you will have another activity that is gonna be your main focus. So the paintings in the exhibition and the exhibits in the museum are gonna be your main focus, And getting to know the man and him getting to know you is gonna be a byproduct, a side activity, which means that you will not feel the pressure to fill silences, you will not feel the pressure to constantly ask each other job-like, interview-like questions. And even if the date doesn't work out and you find that both of you are not a good match, you at least did something productive and had a good time anyway. So start going for more non-pressure dates. And if you already find that the men are planning 3-course meals and 5-star dates, well, lucky you, and why not? What you can still do is once the meal is over, you can offer the guy, hey, how do you feel about taking a walk? Or, how do you feel about just going getting some fresh air? Because that is again going to reduce the intensity and pressure that dating scenarios today involve. Now tip number 2 is Asking deeper questions. So asking deeper questions, what do I mean when I say asking deeper questions? You know, today's dating world is full of this small talk. What do you do? Who are you? Where is your family from? And in order to bring the fun back, you, girl, as the woman, have to go deeper. You have to ask deeper questions. You have to ask men more challenging questions. You have to help them dig deeper within themselves while they are in your presence. So some of my favorite examples that I tell my clients to ask men on their dates is, what is your biggest fear in your life? Now, I can bet you my bottom dollar that this is going to make a man think in your presence. He's gonna go down deep within himself and he's actually gonna work to bring up an answer for you. Now, that is when intimacy is really fostered. Another example of a deeper question you can ask is, instead of, what is your job? You can ask, what excites you about your job? What is the most exciting thing about your work? Now again, this is something that's gonna make the other person think before they answer, reflect before they answer, and go deeper. So this is how you make dating more fun. You make it less— you make your dates less pressured by choosing environments where you can do another activity in the presence of a man and by going deeper yourself. So if the small talk is pissing you off, it's time to choose deeper questions you can bring to the dating scenario, and I promise you, this is going to make men think in your presence and help you separate yourself from the crowd of women asking all the same small talk boring questions. I hope this helps you, Kathy, and I look forward to helping all of you in another episode of Ask Sami. Thank you, Sami.
